04x21 - A View from the Roof

[bunniefuu]

So, Benson, what have you
got in the box?

Get yourself
a new pair of sneakers?

A radio antenna.

Well, what do you need
with a radio antenna?

It's not mine. It's for
the Governor's ham radio.

They made a radio
out of a ham?

Kraus, a ham radio
is a shortwave radio.

It's the Governor's
new hobby.

I thought his hobby
was golf.

Well, it is. But this
is a rainy day hobby.

When they put the antenna
up on the roof,

he'll be able to talk
to people all over the world.

What's the matter, he forgot
how to dial the telephone?

With a ham radio, you can
talk to people who don't even
have telephones.

Well, if they don't
have telephones,

they probably don't want
to be disturbed.

You have a telephone,
you're disturbed.

Oh, Benson.

Have the maintenance men
come by yet?

Have they said if they
can put up my antenna?

Not yet.

You're pretty excited
about all this, aren't you?

Oh, I sure am.

Listen, once we get
this thing hooked up,

we can talk to anybody
in the whole world!

Yeah, anybody in
the whole world who has
a ham radio.

(LAUGHS) I talked
to the Pope one time.
Yeah?

Of course, he wasn't
the Pope then, and I wasn't
the governor.

I was just an American ham,
and he was just a Polish ham.

(PHONE RINGS)

Hello? What...

Oh, darn!
Well, when can you do it?

Oh, all right.
Well, thank you.

Maintenance can't put it up
for another week.

Oh, that's too bad.

It couldn't take more than
a couple of minutes
to hook this up.

Oh, I'm sure it's
more complicated than that.

Oh, no, no, no. All you do
is strap it to the chimney.

Are you suggesting
that we do it ourselves?

Not if you don't want to.

No, I want to! Let's do it!

Gee, Benson, I didn't know
you were interested in radio.

Yeah, well, I learned
about it in the Army.

Before that, all I knew
about radio

was that two white guys
played Amos and Andy.

Okay, Governor. How you
doing down there?

Oh, be right
with you, Benson.

All I have to do is just put
this wire through here

and through here.

And then it gets attached
right there. Yeah.
Yeah.

Hand me that, uh,
thing-a-ma-jig there,
will you?

Yeah.

Which thing-a-ma-jig?

Uh, the one with
the yellow handle on it.

Yeah. The screwdriver?

Oh, no, no, no,

the other one, with
the doo-whacker on the end.

Will this doo-whacker do?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Next time, ask for the
Phillips thing-a-majig.
(LAUGHS)

Okay! That's fine!

Now I think all we have to do
is just attach those wires.

Yeah, let me see those
instructions again.

Yeah, here.

This thing says, uh,

"Be sure that wire A
is attached to the bracket."

And then the printing
goes off the page.

Oh, let me see that.

Yeah, well, hurry up,
'cause I don't like the way
this wind is picking up here.

Wind?
You think this is windy?

(LAUGHS) Listen,
I remember one time...

Governor, we've all been
in wind before, okay?

Read the instructions.

All right, maybe I can
figure it out
from the picture.

Let me see, now.
(WIND WHOOSHING)

Oh! Oh! Oh, Benson! Oh!
(STRAINING)

Oh! Thank you.

Ah, let's get this thing done
in a hurry, okay?

Well, I'm for that.
(SIGHS)

Give me that, uh,
wrench over there.

Where's the toolbox?
It's right there.

Where? I don't see it.

Well, it was there
just a second ago.
What did I do with it?

Oh, there it is. I found it.

Oh, good.
Yeah.

Down there with the ladder.

Oh. Well, then, I better
go down and get it.

Oh, yeah?
Well, this I got to see.

Benson, we're stuck up here.

Well, now,
don't panic, Governor.

All we have to do
is yell for help.

But there's nobody around,

and they'll never hear us
inside the house.

Well, there's got to be a way
to get down from here.

Oh, Benson.

Here's a vent pipe.

Oh, yeah,
that's a good idea.

I remember Cary Grant

shimmying down one of these
in To Catch a Thief.

Oh, now, there
was a movie, huh?

You remember that scene where
he and Grace came into the...

Governor, Governor.
Can we get down first?

Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.

I don't think
I'll forget it by then.

Yeah, I don't think so.
(STRAINING)

Benson, uh, don't you think
you should go down feet first?

Well, you wouldn't want me
to go down this

without checking
it first, do you?

Well, it held Cary Grant.

They didn't make the movie
on this roof.

Oh, now, hold my feet
so I don't fall.

All right, I got you, Benson.

If you go,
I'm going with you.

Yeah, great.
You can land on me.

Yeah, I think that will
hold me. That's good.

Good!

Okay, okay,
I'll give it a try.

Give me your hand here.

Yeah, okay. (GROANS)
(THUDS)

Where the hell is it?

It fell!

What?

Oh!

Good grief.

Well...what now?
(SIGHS)

Let me think.

Oh, Benson, listen.
I've got, I've got an idea.
Come over here.

What's that?

Uh, put, put your
foot right here.

Hmm?

Yeah, put your foot
right there.

Come on. I'll give
you a boost.

You see that
handhold up there?

Uh-huh, yeah.
Yeah, okay.

Come on, Benson.

(STRAINING)

How you doing?

Uh, yeah, uh, I don't really
think this is going to work.

Benson, listen. We've got
to get off this roof.

Come on, now.
You can make that.
(GRUNTS)

Yeah, this is
a lot of fun, but...
(STRAINING)

You know, there's something
wrong with this picture.

What do you mean?

We're supposed to be
going down, not up.

Oh. Oh, yeah, right.

Good night, Katie.
Yeah.

Good night!
Oh, wait a minute.

I think I forgot to turn
my typewriter off.
I'll be right back.

Well, hurry up. I don't want
to miss any of the show.

Where you guys going tonight?

Pete's taking me to see
an operetta.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Naughty Marietta is
an operetta?

Yeah, what did you
think it was?

You mean
there's no nudity?

Pete!

How gross!

Hey, for bucks a ticket,

they'd better be
in bathing suits.

Oh, jeez.

Katie, I thought you were
going out tonight.

I'm going to over to
Judy Palermo's. Who's on TV.

I don't know. Why don't you
check with TV Guide?

No, I mean the rock band.

Oh, a rock band.
Uh, what is it called?

Who.

The rock band!

That's right. This is
their final concert.

Who's final concert?

Yeah.

"Yeah," who?

I'm pretty excited myself.

What are you doing tonight?

Uh, my favorite pianist
is on PBS tonight.

Liberace?

No, Andre Watts' his name.

Beats me. I'm not
into classical.

(HORN HONKS)

Oh, that's my ride.

Tell Daddy I'll see him
in the morning

and that I left Judy's
number on his desk.

Uh, aren't those a little
small to keep your ears warm?

Oh, this is,
this is my radio.

I want to be in the proper
mood for the concert.

We're going to
listen to Who.

I don't know
und I don't care.

I just want to go
and wait for Watts.

And they said music
was the universal language.

See you later.

(CHUCKLES) Okay.

Ah, Ms. Kraus.

I have arranged for
a very important meeting

tomorrow morning between
the Governor and the State
Party Chairman.

They'll be having breakfast.

Here is the menu.

Ooh! Mmm.

Croissant, fresh melon,

eggs Benedict. (CHUCKLES)
Mmm-hmm.

Where are they serving this?

Here.

I'm expecting you
to prepare it.

Really? (LAUGHS)

You're going to be
expecting longer than
a pregnant elephant.

Impertinent Bavarian peasant.

KRAUS: I hear you.

I was counting on that.

Katie! Katie!

Katie!

She can't hear you, Governor.

It must be that darn
earphone she's wearing.

Oh, look!
There's Clayton!

Hey Clayton! Clayton!
Clayton! Clayton!

Clayton!
Clayton!

He can't hear us, either.
It must be the wind.

We're gonna have to figure
out another way
to attract attention.

Right. We're going to have
to throw something.

I know.

There's a piece
of brick back here.

Ha, ha! How about that?

Next person that
comes out of here,
I'm throwing it at them.

With any luck,
it will be Kraus.

Just in time! Here come
Pete and Denise.

Yeah. Okay, now, Governor.

Take your time.
This is our last chance.

The only car in
the parking lot is Pete's...

(GLASS SHATTERS)

...Besides mine.

I'm sorry about that.
I'll replace your windshield.

Oh, look! They're already
getting into the car.

If I'd only thrown it
seconds earlier.

And feet to the left.

Yeah.

Oh, he's stopping!

No, look, the only reason
he's stopping is 'cause
he backed into my car!

It doesn't matter
why he's stopping.

If you want to take
the credit for it, you can.

Will you look at that?
He's not even stopping.

He backed into my car,
and now he's pulling away!

Hey, Pete! I see you!

You won't get away
with this! You better run!

Pete! He didn't mean that!

He didn't mean that!
Come back! Come back!

Oh, what are we going
to do now?

Well, the important thing
is not to panic.

(SIGHS)

Well, I guess we can just
sit down here.

And given enough time,
they'll come and get us.

All right.
Yep.

That's enough time.
Yeah.

Help!

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Who's that?

What do you mean,
"Who's that?"

You still angry?

Oh, no. I'm having
the time of my life.

Well, have you figured out
how to get off this roof?

No.

All right.
Look at that tree, huh?

Yeah, what about it?

I could make that in
a hop, skip, and a jump.

Well, after the hop,
you can skip the jump

'cause you're going to be up
to your ears in asphalt.

You think I'd hurt
myself falling?

No, landing.

It is three stories.

Yeah.

But there's got to be
a way down from here.

Benson, everything happens
for a reason.

What are you talking
about now, Governor?

When you and I got stuck up
on this roof,

it wasn't by accident.

I was meant to see all this.

The car headlights
on the highway,

and the homes,
factories, and...

the airport,
the Capitol building.

Benson, there are millions
of people out there.

Wouldn't you think
one of them would
look up here?

And they all depend
on me, Benson.

Mmm-hmm. Hope they don't
need you tonight.

Governor,
will you stop that?

So, what are you
looking for now?

I don't know. I'm trying
to find something to throw
at Kraus' window.

Her light isn't on.

No, but tonight's
not her bowling night,

so she'll be up
in her room to watch TV.

Oh, here's something.

(GRUNTS)
A ball! No, what you
need are pebbles.

Pebbles?
Yeah.

That's what you throw
at people's windows
to get their attention.

Oh, I didn't know
there were rules.

There aren't rules, Benson.
It's just the accepted norm.

I mean,
traditionally speaking,

people throw pebbles,
not rubber balls. (LAUGHS)

What difference
does it make?

Oh, it doesn't make
any difference to me.
Go ahead!

Oh, see, her light's on.
She's in her room.

Oh! Now, I see her!
Miss Kraus! Miss Kraus!

She can't hear you!
We're...

Oh, she's pulling
her shade down.

Well, that's a blessing.

Benson.
What?

Aim carefully.
I will.

Because, I mean,
it's a big target,
Yeah.

But it's a small ball.

Governor, I'm trying
to concentrate.

Oh, I certainly hope so,

'cause if you miss,
we'll be up here all night!

Okay, Benson. Let her rip.

(GRUNTS)

(TCHAIKOVSKY'S OVERTURE
PLAYING)

Oh, Benson.
I could have hit the window.

Well, if you could have
hit the window, why didn't
you throw the ball?

Because I wanted
to throw pebbles.

Well, I would have thrown
pebbles if I'd have
had pebbles.

I didn't have any pebbles.

What are you doing now?

I'm making a tent.

What in the world do we need
with a tent?

To shield us from the rain.

Who says
it's going to rain?

(THUNDER CRACKS)

Let me give you a hand.

I can do it myself.

I have a plan.

Step one, I tie the rope
to this television antenna.

Step two, I stretch it to
the chimney and pull it tight.

(CRASHES)

Step three, get a new plan.

Oh, nuts!

Those, those darn birds
must be on the antenna again.

I'll just have to floss later.

Oh, nuts!

You still angry?

No, I'm just bored.

I never realized there was
so little to do on a roof.

We could play catch,
but you threw the ball away.

Now I am getting angry.

Well, at least you're
not bored.

No, I'm bored and angry.

I'm hungry.
That too.

You wouldn't happen to have
anything on you
to eat, would you?

Wait a minute here!

We're in luck.

What'd you find?

Cinnamon toothpick.
A what?

Yeah, you want one?

No, thanks.

Suit yourself.

Mmm.

Mmm, mmm, mmm. Mmm.

Give me that!

Oh, what do you think, huh?

Hmm, not bad.

Now all I need is a steak
to clean my teeth.

Well, that cinnamon taste
doesn't last very long,
does it?

No, just long enough
to make you thirsty.
Mmm-hmm.

(GASPS)

Who, who, who's there?
Who, who's there?

Miss Kraus!

(SCREAMS)

Oh, my gosh! Ohhh!

Oh, Miss Kraus,
you lost the ladder!

Oh...
Now we'll never
get off this roof!

Oh! We are going to die
up here! We'll die!

Shut up, Kraus!

I have an idea.
Huh?

You see that tree
over there?

Ja.

Oh, Benson, she'd never
make that tree!

Ja, I might fall to the ground
und hurt myself.

Well, that's the beauty
of this plan.

You see, somebody might see
your body lying down there

and look up here at us.

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

It was just a joke.

(DENISE SIGHS)

Oh, for crying
out loud, Denise.

I didn't splash that old lady
on purpose.

You yelled, " points!"

Yeah.

Well, what's that
supposed to mean?

It was just a joke.

Then, you know,
sometimes I wonder
what I see in you.

Uh, wait a minute.
You, you, you're telling me

that you're going to
break up with me

because some old lady
has soggy support hose?

It's not funny.

Oh, good morning, all.
(SIGHS)

What a storm last night.

I thought it was never
going to stop.

Oh, Peter, Peter, Peter,
let me have a look.

This is extraordinary.

It's neat, huh?
Yeah.

Functional, too.

(LAUGHS) Yes, I imagine.

It's lucky you weren't
arrested for impersonating
a school bus.

(LAUGHS) Now, that's funny.

Hey, there's no coffee.

No coffee?

You know, it doesn't look
like Gretchen did anything
around here this morning.

I specifically requested her
to have breakfast ready
for this morning's meeting.

Well, I'm sure there's
an explanation.

That is not good enough.
This is important.

Make some coffee and
prepare a breakfast tray.

Hey, pal. Who do you think
you're talking to?

Denise.
Oh, fine.

Hey, wait a minute.
Hold the phone, Clayton.

I'm not your servant.
I don't make coffee.

I'm a secretary with
an above-average IQ,

which is more than I can
say for either you

or that empty-headed
school bus.

All right, all right.

I'll find the Governor.
You make breakfast.

Hey, you know,
I have an IQ too.

Fine!
Make something difficult.

And when you're finished,

straighten up the Governor's
office and start a fire...

In the fireplace.

BENSON: Are you awake?

GOVERNOR: I didn't sleep
a wink.

BENSON: Me neither.

KRAUS: I had no
trouble at all.

It's a Kraus family trait.

If we're tired enough,
we can sleep anywhere,
even standing up.

BENSON: So can a horse.

Morning.

Oh, look. It's almost :.

Yeah, the beginning of
another challenging day

here on the roof of
the Governor's mansion.

Well, there's one good thing.

At least
you won't have to go

to that breakfast meeting
that Clayton arranged.

That's right.
That meeting's to
take place in my office.

Any chance of getting it
moved to the roof?

No! This chimney goes
down to my office.

Maybe if I shout down it,
somebody might hear.

Oh, that's a good idea.
I hope the flue is open.

Ahhh!

Shouldn't that be "help"?

There's a fire
down there. (COUGHS)

Well, now what
are we gonna do?

Oh, I don't know, but I wish
I were down there
in the office.

Hey, well, that's it.
Governor, hand me that tarp.

Kraus,
take off your clothes.

What?

I haven't been on
the roof that long.

Now, maybe we can make
a big enough bundle,

we can block off this flue.

Oh, of course, and then
the smoke will back up,

and they'll have to check it.

Yeah.

Well, I'll give you
my robe und that's it.

That's plenty.

Und turn the other way.

I realize these pajamas leave
little to the imagination.

Kraus, shut your trap.

Is it open?

What's the matter?
You're not eating.

I'm upset. I never eat
when I'm upset.

I'm just the other way.
When I get upset, I eat.

(SIGHS) Why are you upset?

Oh, Denise, my car,

all these eggs going to waste.

You know, it really dismays me
that the Governor and Benson

didn't even show up
for the meeting.

Yeah, I know.

After I went to
all the trouble
of cooking breakfast.

Why would they deliberately
try to embarrass me?

Who knows? Eat your eggs.

Well, maybe it's just
time to move on.

Well, eat your eggs first.

That's it. If they don't
want me, I'll resign.

I'll get you a pen.

You are supposed to try
and talk me out of it.

Why?
You didn't eat your eggs.

Friendship is
a two-way street, you know.

Fire! Fire!

Where?
In the governor's office!

Klaus!

Everyone out of the mansion!

Oh, yeah.

What is keeping them?

They must have noticed
something by now.

The clothes are
beginning to burn.

My good robe. Benson,
you'll pay for this.

Kraus, I've been up on
the roof with you.
That's punishment enough.

Listen.
(SIRENS WAILING)

I hear a siren.

Fire engine over there.

Oh, it's coming this way!

Oh, we're going to be rescued.
We are saved, we are saved!

I'll go over there
und wave to them

so they'll know where we are.

Miss Kraus! Be careful.
This roof's still slippery
from the rain.

Well, Benson, it's all over.

I don't think
it's all over yet, sir.
Why not?

The fire engine
isn't stopping here.

Stop! Stop! Come back!

Miss Kraus, be careful!

Oh! Ohh! Ohh!

(TREE RUSTLING)

Is she all right?

Well, I'll be damned.

She made the tree.

Governor, I'm going home.
I'll see you tomorrow.

Uh, no, Benson, Benson,
it's working!

I'm getting a message.

Sir, I just want to go home.

Well, it could be Rome,
but I think it's Australia.

I'll be at home if
you need me.

Uh, it could be Sydney,
but it could be Melbourne.

I'm gonna give 'em an answer.

Oh, I wish I had my
Morse Code book.

Well, just have to do it
from memory.

(IMITATING MORSE CODE)

That's all, folks!