06x19 - Mid-life Cowboy

[bunniefuu]

[ humming ]

♪ dum dum dum dum ♪

♪ doo da dum dum ♪

Ah, ms. Cassidy,
Have you seen the governor?

Well, yes,
He's out back.

I asked him
To take out the trash.

Well, since when
Is he doing chores?

Oh, it isn't a chore --
It's therapy.

In case you hadn't noticed,
The governor is depressed.

And you figure a couple
Of bags of garbage

Will cheer him up.

Well, a little physical activity
Always perks a man up.

I wonder if he's depressed
Enough to wax my car.

Oh. Now, that's cute.

Well, I'm back.

I better go
Dig up some more trash.

You okay?

Sure, fine.

I guess you heard the
Legislature overrode my veto --

That awful montgomery bill.

Well, yeah, yeah.
That's a tough one to lose.

Yeah, I've been losing
A lot of them lately.

I am sick of fishing
With the wrong worms.

Pardon me?

That was something
My father used to say.

Didn't I ever
Tell you that story?

Oh, the "Wrong worm" story --
You told me that.

No, wait a minute.

No,
This bears repeating.
Why?

'cause I feel like it.
Sit down.

When I was a kid --
I guess I was about --

No, maybe .

Oh, I guess it was .

Say /.

Anyway, there wasn't a sunfish
In lake gertrude

That could resist
A gatling wriggler.

[ chuckling ]

So...

Oh, oh.

Well, one day,
I got bored with sunfish,

So I decided to try my luck
With trout.

So you didn't catch any trout,
So your father came along --

May I just finish my story,
Please?

Oh, sure, sure.
Sorry.

I didn't catch any trout,

And my father came along
And said --

"You're using
The wrong worms."

But, of course,
I didn't believe him,

And I continued fishing
That stream all summer long.

I didn't catch
A single trout,

And I drowned a lot
Of good worms in the process.

And you feel the legislature's
A trout stream,

And you don't have
The right bait.

No, benson, I'm just sick
Of wasting my worms.

So as of tomorrow,
You're the governor.

Well, as the solution,
Isn't that a little drastic?

No, no.
I don't think so.

Katie's got
A week off from school.

I've got to get away
From this job.

So we're going
To arizona for a week,

And you're acting governor.

Well, why didn't you
Just say that?

You're going on a vacation.

To a dude ranch.

Dude ranch?
Oh, wow.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe a week away from here
Will clear up your mind.

I feel better already
Just thinking about it.

Mm-hmm. Well, good.
Don't worry about things here.

Oh, no. You'll be fine.
You'll be a good governor.

I wonder
Where I left my boots.

More trash.

Well, don't look at me.
You better save it for clayton.

Oh, is he depressed?

Well, he will be as soon as
He finds out I'm the governor.

Miss kraus: I don't care
What you think.

You'd better care
What I think,

And you'd better
Listen to me.

No, you listen to me!

I've only been governor
A week,

And you've been arguing
The entire time.

Benson,
You can end this dispute

By simply exercising
The powers of the office.

You are the governor.

Okay, clayton,
You're fired.

On the other hand,
You're not the real governor.

Miss kraus...

Come on, let's get
Back to work here.

Now, this '-'
Fiscal report.

I've got that. I've got that.

[ telephone rings ]
I'll get that! I'll get that!

I got it.

Hello.

Hi, benson.
It's katie.

Oh, hey, are you guys
Back at the airport already?

No, no, we're not
At the airport.

We're still in arizona.
Can you come here?

Why? What's happening?

Dad's in trouble.
I can't tell you any more.

Please come.
Maybe he'll listen to you.

Well, katie, I got a full
Schedule tomorrow here.

Benson, this is serious.
I gotta go.

Hello? Hello?!
Katie?!

What --
What's the matter?

I don't know.
It's katie.

She sounds upset.
Something about the governor.

Guess I'll have to
Go to arizona tomorrow.

I'm going with you.

No, no. No. Why?
You don't need to go.

What -- what -- what --

Katie may need me.

I'm going to go
Call the airlines.

Is there something
I can do?

Uh, perhaps
I should go, too.

I think it would be better
If you stayed here.

Of course.

I'll put out a memo
Right away

Informing everyone
I'm in charge now.

Clayton, just answer the phone
Over the weekend.

There's no need
To take over the government.

[ scoffs ]
Me take over the government?

[ chuckles ]

There's no legal way I could
Take over the government.

No, no way.

[ laughs ]

Uh, if you need me,
I'll be in the legal department.

[ laughs ]

Nah, he wouldn't.

Clayton?

Clayton!

Got you!

Ah.

Well, what's the matter
With you?

Ohh,
That's the last time

I take that complimentary
Buckboard ride.

I won't be able
To sit down for a week.

Ah, you're just
A tenderfoot.

I wish that was the part
That was tender.

Face it, benson --
You're a city slicker.

At least I didn't point
To the first cactus I saw

And yell, "Indians!"

Well, howdy, strangers.

Welcome to pecos bob's
Dude ranch.

Howdy.
Are you pecos bob?

No, pecos bob
Is in martinique.

Well, who are you?

I'm pecos bernard.

How are you?

Nice to meet you.
We're looking for gene gatling.

Oh, he ought to
Be back soon.

It's almost time
For square-dancercise.

Ooh, good.
Let's hurry up and check in.

No problem.
I got a real nice room for you.

Two rooms.

Connecting?

Different wings.

Well, sure thing,
Pardner.

Now, what name
Will you be using?

Under the circumstances,
I'd like to use my own name.

No, no, no.
You don't understand.

All the guests
At our dude ranch

Always choose a cowboy name

For the duration
Of their stay.

So how's about "Lucky"?

If I was lucky,
I wouldn't be here.

"Wild bill"?

I wasn't planning
On having that good a time.

"Rusty"?

I may not be
As good as I once was,

But I'm as good once
As I ever was.

How about
Calling me "Benson"?

Okay, but you're gonna
Miss all the fun.

Um, I-I would like
A cowboy name.

How about "Trigger"?

Howdy, miss katie.

Katie,
Are you all right?

Am I glad
To see you guys.

Where's your dad?

Tying up dust devil.

Is that one of the guests?

No, it's his horse.

He's really
Been acting weird.

Horses always act weird.

Talking about my dad.

Well, in what way
Is he weird?

You'll see.

No, no, no, no, I prefer
A little advanced warning.

What is he doing?

He dresses like a cowboy,
He talks like a cowboy,

And he spends his whole day
Riding with ranch hands.

What's the problem?
This is a dude ranch.

He says he doesn't
Want to go home, ever.

Governor:
Let's get some grub on.

I'm so hungry, I could eat
The backside of a rattlesnake.

Benson,
Can you talk to him?

I can't handle
A midlife crisis.

I'm still adjusting
To high school.

I'll do what I can,
Katie.

Well, benson,
Miss kraus.

I'll be doggone.

What brings you all
To these parts?

Hi, governor.

Oh, no, no.

Around here, folks all
Call me "Cheyenne."

Ain't that right,
Little darlin'?

Yep.
That's what they call him.

Oh, look at that prairie.

Did you ever see anything
Like that in your life?

Oh, no.

I think the governor is riding
With a loose saddle.

Uh, katie, why don't you
Take miss kraus to her room

Before somebody
Ropes and brands her?

In the meantime,
I'll talk to your dad.

Okay.
Good luck, benson.

See you later, dad --
Uh, cheyenne.

Sure thing,
Little darlin'.

Governor.

God's country, benson.

Come on.

Let's mosey on over to the couch
And have a little powwow.

[ chuckles ]

Yeah, yeah,
Uh, katie tells me

That you're thinking
About staying here for good.

That little gal sure can
Call them square, can't she?

Well, it's nice that you had
A great vacation, governor,

But it's time to go home,
Isn't it?

This is my home, benson,

Where the deer
And the antelope play.

Yeah,
But recess is over.

I've thought all this out.
I know just what I'm doing.

I want to spend the rest
Of my time on this earth

With straight sh**t.

Can we cut the chuck-wagon
Chatter for a moment

And deal
With the problem at hand?

There's no sense
In trying to explain it to you.

It's like trying
To explain the wind.

Well, you don't have
To explain it to me, governor,

But you got to come home.

The finance committee expects
To see you monday at :,

And we are gonna have a floor
Fight on that education bill.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
It is too late, hombre.

I've made my decision.
I'm not going back there.

And don't call me
"Governor" anymore.

From now on,
That is your title.

Suppose
I don't want the job.

You don't have any choice.

It's my resignation.

♪ oh, give me a home ♪

♪ where the buffalo roam ♪

♪ where the deer
And the... ♪

Pecos bernard?

Uh, that's my name.
Don't wear it out.

Have you seen --
Uh, what's his name --

Cheyenne?

Well, I saw him
Down by the corral a bit ago.

I couldn't swear
He's still there.

But he does have to
Come through here

Sooner or later, right?

[ grunts ]

You seem a little worried
About your friend.

Yeah, yeah.

He seems really caught up
In this cowboy life.

Have you ever seen this
Happen before?

You know...

I wasn't always a cowboy.

No kidding.

I used to be
A slide-rule salesman.

Yeah, I wouldn't worry too much
About your friend.

Maybe he's just
Going through a phase.

What a good
God almighty morning.

Very annoying phase.

Morning, pecos.
Morning, mr. Governor.

Look, I've been up all night
Thinking about that.

Listen, why don't you
Come along?

We can talk
On the way there.

On the way where?

Death canyon.
I'm riding fence today.

We'll saddle up another bronc,
And you can tag along.

No, I don't want to tag along.
I want to talk.

Well, then, you're just
Plumb out of luck,

'cause you're gonna have to wait
Till I get back.

Hasta luego, mr. Governor.

Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

[ horse whinnies,
Hoofbeats depart ]

Stubborn dreamer.

[ sighs ]

How's everything going
With dad?

Oh, fine. [ laughs ]
Hunky-dory.

Couldn't be better.

I'd like to stick around, but
I have to get back to school.

I have a test tomorrow.

Oh, I understand,
Katie.

Yeah. Miss kraus is taking me
To the airport.

Good.
Good, good decision.

Benson, is everything
Gonna be all right?

Katie, I think you're old enough
To know the truth.

I'll handle it.
[ clears throat ]

Thanks, benson.

So long, katie.

Bye.

You know, benson,
I'm depending on you.

Everyone's
Depending on you.

The whole state
Is depending on you.

How come I can't just ride off
Into the sunset

Like them white guys?

Benson, benson,
The rumor mills are grinding.

I have tried to deny that
The governor has slipped a cog,

But no one is buying it.

Who started the rumor?

I'm afraid it's something
I said at my press conference.

Why'd you have
A press conference?

I don't need
A lecture from you.

If you want
To squelch this rumor,

You better have the governor
Back here at :

For the finance meeting.

I'll have him there
If I have to hog-tie him.

Mm-hmm. Good, good.

Oh, clayton,
One other thing.

What?

Get out of my chair

And turn off the lights
When you leave my office.

I'm not in your office!

I'm -- I'm making this call
From the limo.

[ imitates engine revving
And horn honking ]

Clayton.

All right, all right.
I'm going. Goodbye.

Bye.

Oh, benson, benson, there is
Still no sign of cheyenne.

I'm getting worried.

It's pitch-dark out there,

Und his horse
Doesn't have headlights.

What are you talking about?
The horse will find his way.

Are you crazy?
What are you wearing?

Oh, it's a little something
I picked up in the gift shop.

I feel just like
Annie oakley.

You look like annie ugly.

Yeah?
Put it in a feed bag.

All right, everybody,
Saddle up.

We're --
We're creating a posse.

What is it?

It's a group of men who get
Together and look for somebody.

Kraus,
I know what a posse is.

I just want to find out
What the problem is.

Dust devil's back,
And cheyenne ain't on him.

All right, that settles it.
I'll need a horse.

What about me?

Good. Saddle her up.

No, no, no, no, no.
I mean, I'll need a horse, too.

Well, dust devil is
Right out back, but I-I --

Good. I'll take him.

Yee-hoo!

[ dust devil whinnies ]

[ hoofbeats depart ]

Did you see the way the woman
Jumped on that horse?

Yep.

Too bad she's facing
The wrong way.

Yep.

Look, I'm still
Gonna need a horse,

A somewhat more amiable critter
Than dust devil.

I think I have just the animal
For you -- henry.

Henry?
I like the sound of that.

Come on.
We got to wake him up.

Giddyup!

Go, you moron!

Okay, how about "Whoa"?

Fine.

Good.

Oh!

♪ give me a home ♪

♪ where the buffalo roam ♪

Howdy, governor.

Did you know there's a posse
Looking for you?

Why?
'cause you're lost.

[ laughs ]

Long as there's
A star in the sky,

A cowboy can find
His way back from camp.

Course, it's a little
Cloudy tonight.

So, how you doing,
Henry?

Will you stop it?

I didn't ride out here
In the middle of the night

On the only animal
More cantankerous than kraus

To watch you
Play cowboy.

Oh, speaking of kraus,

I saw her gallop past here
About minutes ago.

She sure had a tight grip
On that horse's tail.

Governor,
This has gone too far.

You got to stop
Playing cowboy.

I'm not playing, benson.
This is what I want.

Come on.
Help me with this fire.

Oh.

Look, governor --

Don't call me that.

Well, I'm certainly not gonna
Call you "Cheyenne."

Call me "Gene."

What? Gene?

It's my name.

You got me so rattled,
I was thinking of gene autry.

Can we talk, gene?
sh**t.

I'd love to, but it'd be better
To talk first.

You know, it's all right
To love this cowboy stuff,

But it's not right
To try and live it.

It's my own life,
Benson.

Frankly,
I don't need your input.

You're gonna get my input,

Because this decision of yours
Affects a lot of people,

Including me.

Benson, just between you and me
And henry here,

I am tired of worrying
About other people.

It's time for my dreams.

Well, that doesn't sound
Like the man I know,

The man who went into politics
To change things.

And found out
He couldn't and can't.

Nothing changes.

One man or another --
It doesn't make any difference.

That was made
Very clear to me.

But out here,
A man can do things.

He can accomplish things.

Hell, you can't even
Get that fire started.

Oh, yeah?

Okay,
I'll give you that.

But you didn't do it
Like a cowboy.

Sure, I did --
The marlboro man.

No, you were
Facing reality.

Why rub two sticks together

When you can buy
A -cent lighter?

That's the reality
You live in.

All right.
You want to talk about reality?

Reality is a guy with
A lot more years behind him

Than he has
In front of him.

I woke up one morning.

I found out I was not
The man I wanted to be,

Not the kind of man I admired
When I was a boy.

Yeah, but, gene,

If every boy fulfilled
His childhood fantasy,

Every man in this country
Would be a fireman, a policeman,

Or a michael jackson
Look-alike.

You don't understand,
Benson.

I want to be...

...A hero.

You think that hat
Makes you a hero?

What's the matter --
You don't like my hat?

It's what's going on
Underneath it that worries me.

What do you think
A hero is?

He's somebody
That everybody looks up to.

Do we look up to him
Because of the way he dresses?

Because of his job?

Oh, no, of course not!

Because of his --
His character, his integrity,

His willingness
To sacrifice himself

For the good
Of other people.

And who do you think
You've just described?

Gary cooper --
No doubt about it.

You've described
Gene gatling.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

How do you figure that?

Because gene gatling
Has all those qualities.

Why do you think
You're so popular

With the people
Of the state?

Oh, benson,

I don't even think we're
Talking about the same thing.

Do you trust me?

You know I do.

Then believe me.

In spite of everything
You're thinking,

You were a hero
To a hell of a lot of people.

What do you mean "Were"?

A hero doesn't
Run from a fight.

I'm not running.
I'm...

You want to be a hero?

Do your job.

[ sighs ]

Isn't it beautiful
Out here?

Did you ever see
A sky like that?

No.

Look at those stars.

Did you ever think that
Kit carson and wild bill hickok,

Wyatt earp --

They all looked
At those same stars?

I wonder what
They were thinking about

When they looked at them.

Probably the same thing
We're thinking --

"Why am I here?
What's it all about?

Will the redskins
Win this year?"

Let's go home.

All right.