07x07 - Flight of the Dodo: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

Morning, benson.

Morning, governor.

Beautiful day for golf.

Yes, it is.
Who's our fourth?

Blabbermouth.

I am not playing golf
With kraus.

No, tommy young --

You know, the assistant
Golf pro at the country club.

Oh, yeah -- the world's
Largest consumer

Of mint-green
Leisure clothing.

Clayton's buddy

[mockingly] who won
The idaho invitational.

Would show me
That grip again, tommy?

You two want to be alone?

Oh, put it in a sock,
Benson.

You sports ready to go out
And chop a few weeds today?

I wonder
What's keeping clayton?

Say, where is this golf course
He's taking us to, anyway?

It's a surprise.

Well, endicott says
It's a great course.

How come you guys know about
This surprise and I don't?

[ helicopter whirring ]

What the sam hill is that?

That is clayton
And his helicopter.

He's gonna take us
Across the state

To the indian mounds
Country club.

That's not a surprise --
That's two surprises.

When did clayton learn
How to fly a helicopter?

Last summer.

He's been dying
To take me up for a ride.

That endicott --
Classy guy.

Imagine, flying us
miles to play golf.

Hey!

Some dodo bird just blew garbage
All over the place.

Is that any reason
To yell at me, mrs. Cassidy?

Here's the dodo bird now.

Hey, you just blew garbage
All over the place.

What are you gonna do
About it?

Nothing.

That's the way
We aviators are --

We live life on the edge,
And the devil take the hindmost.

What is he talking about?

I think that scarf has cut off
The blood supply to his brain.

Well, in just minutes,

We'll be touching down
At indian mounds.

Oh, this is gonna be
So fun!

I can't believe

You guys are going in
A helicopter with this bozo.

Now, gretchen,
Gretchen, gretchen.

There is nothing
To be concerned about.

Do you think I'd be doing this
If it were dangerous?

Think of all I have to live for.

I'm coming up empty, clayton.

All right.
Let's go, whirlybirds!

Come on, benson --

Indian mounds
Is one of the most --

Almost as challenging
As the boise municipal.

You know, I took
The ' invitational there.

I'll never forget --
I was down six strokes, see,

And I came from behind.

Oh, yeah,
That's a wonderful story.

This reminds me of my
Uncle ralph -- he had a stroke.

Let's get in the helicopter,
Where we can't hear each other.

You boys have
A very good time, now.

Bye!

Sheesh.

How can they give that guy
A license to fly?

He hasn't got
The right stuff.

He doesn't have any stuff.

You can't inherit stuff.

No, wait a minute, benson.

What?

You get in the front.
I'll get in the back.

You getting in?
Yeah.

[ engine turns over ]

Governor: look at
That beautiful elm tree.

Benson: if we get any closer,
It'll be an elm corsage.

Clayton: all right, let's see --
We want to go east.

Here we go.

Clayton, this is north.

It is not.

Look at the compass.

Huh? Oh.
Then east must be this way.

Ha!

This must be how columbus
Discovered the west indies.

[ laughs ]

Tommy: so, it all came down
To a birdie on .

What?

A birdie.

Where?

Oh, she handles like a dream,
Doesn't she, benson?

Ask me that once we're
Back on the ground.

Can you do tricks in it,
Clayton?

Governor, please.

I'm just asking.

Oh, benson, you'd be
Surprised how easy it is

To fly one of these babies.

Go on, take the stick.

I don't want the stick,
Clayton.

Oh, come on, benson.
Be a sport -- take the stick!

I don't want the stick.

It's all yours!

[ laughs ]

Take the stick back,
Clayton.

Don't take it, clayton.

[ laughs ]
Oh, this is fun.

If you think
It's so much fun,

You come up here
And take the stick!

Well, okay, but we'll
Have to change seats.

Governor, sit down.

[ expl*si*n, engine sputters ]

What was that?

Seems to be
A little engine trouble.

What did you do now,
Sport?

I didn't do anything, tommy.
Clayton?

I got it.

Why is it so quiet?

Mayday, mayday!

Does that answer
Your question?

This is
November-tango-two-two.

No, no, no, no, no!
It's november-two-two-tango --

No, no -- november-two --

Oh, damn it!
I forgot my number.

Operator?

Hang on!

[ all screaming ]

[ bird screeches ]

[ sighs ]

Well, first time
I ever did that.

Is everybody all right?

I whacked my head
Pretty good.

I think I swallowed my gum.

Clayton, do you have
A first-aid kit?

Clayton: it's under the seat.
I'll call in our position.

Our position is somewhere
In the middle of a vast desert.

Actually,
This isn't a desert.

See, this is
An arid plain.

Officially, we don't have
Deserts in the state.

Officially, huh?
Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Well, then, knock it off.

The last thing we need
Is a lesson in topography.

Bad news.

The radio
Doesn't work.

The radio doesn't work.

How did you know that?

Haven't you ever been
To the movies?

The radio never works.

Well, don't take
That attitude.

You had the stick.

I didn't want the stick.

If you weren't qualified,

You shouldn't have had
The stick.

I wish I had a stick now.

All right, let's not make
A big thing out of this.

The radio was probably damaged
When we landed.

You call what we just did
A landing?

Oh, I suppose
You could have done better.

Better than dropping
Like a rock.

We did not drop like a rock --
We autorotated.

We crashed.

All right, fellas,
Calm down.

There's an old saying --

"Any landing you can walk away
From is a good landing."

Ooh, ow!

What happened?
What did you do?

Twisted my ankle.

Can you walk?

Here, let me get this.

It won't take the weight.

Here, try that.

Don't think a -iron
Would be better?

What?

It's longer.

Here, sir.

Ahh, ahh,
That's much better.

I'm gonna look around
Over here.

I'll check the bird.

Gee, fellas, I'm really
Sorry about the ankle.

My head doesn't feel
So good, either, you know.

I'll take a look at it.

No, it's all right.
I'm fine, I'm fine.

Let's see.

[ bird screeches ]

Well, there's no blood.

There's a bump.

Oh, hey,
There's another bump.

Maybe they're just
Your natural head bumps.

See anything familiar?

Oh, yeah, yep -- dirt.

Miles and miles
And miles of dirt.

Well, I figured out
What brought the chopper down.

Gravity?

A ruptured fuel line.

And when we hit,
We snapped the pitch link.

What does that mean
In everyday language?

It's broken.

Sums it up for me.

Well, we better get
These umbrellas out of here --

Get us some shade.

Otherwise
We'll bake in the sun.

Hi.
You all done?

Ja.
Feel like a movie?

I can't.
I'm semi-grounded.

Well, come on --
We'll ask your dad.

Oh, he's not home yet.

He's not?
Hmm, how strange.

Well, I'll just call
Over to indian mounds

Und leave a message.

Great.

Well, adios, ladies.
I'm off to the lariat.

You mean that
Country-and-western bar?

Yep.

I've always been a sucker
For a man who wears leather.

Of course, nowadays, so are
The men who wear leather.

Well, hasta luego,
Wranglers.

Goodbye.

Wahoo!

Hello.

I'd like to leave a message
For governor gatling.

Well, how do I know
Where he is?

If he's done with
His stupid game of golf,

He's probably
Having dinner.

He didn't?

Are you sure?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's the matter?

[ scoffs ]

Well, they never showed up
At indian mounds.

I'm gonna call
The state police.

[ animal howling ]

What are --
What are you doing?

Building a fire.
It gets chilly out here.

Yeah, but right here?

I would prefer to build it
In my fireplace at home,

But I thought this would be
More convenient.

[ laughs ]

Take a deep breath.

[ inhales and exhales ]

Smell anything?

Yeah.
Yeah, I do.

It's something familiar.

It's kind of pungent,
But it's not unpleasant.

It'll be real unpleasant
If you strike a match.

It's gasoline.

Oh...Boom.

Yeah, right, right, right.

So, why don't you do it
Over there?

[ clears throat ]

Benson,
We have a problem.

Oh, what --
That just occur to you?

No.
This is a new problem.

Good -- I was beginning
To get bored by the old one.

Don't take that attitude.
We're all in the same boat here.

Clayton, only you could stand
In the middle of an arid desert

And think boat.

What's the problem?

You remember
That first-aid course?

Yeah, the one
You and I took together?

Mm. The one I graduated
With honors.

Well, you should have -- you
Took the instructor to dinner.

What is the problem?

Well, tommy is
Experiencing...Nausea.

What do you mean?

I mean, he's, uh
[inhales sharply]

Disgorging the contents
Of his stomach.

You mean he's...

Uh, yes, yes, mm-hmm.

Well, that's not good.
He could dehydrate.

It's also a sign
Of concussion.

Will you take a look
At him?

Yeah, sure.
Uh, governor?

Huh?

Start the fire without me.

And for god's sake,
Try not to fall in.

Benson?

Yes?

Sound travels
In the desert.

Oh, sorry.

And, benson, thanks
For helping with this.

You know, even though
I graduated with honors,

Just between you and me,

I only feel confident
With a rubber dummy.

[ laughs ] go for it.

That way,
If the relationship fails,

You can always use her
As an eraser.

So, how you doing, tommy?

That's a stupid question.
I'm barfing my guts out.

How's your head?

It hurts.

Look, I'm okay.
Leave me alone, huh?

Okay, okay, sport.

I think you'd better
Keep an eye on him --

Try not to let him
Fall asleep.

How do you propose
I do that?

Talk to him about
The idaho invitational.

[ owl hooting ]

So, what's going on?

Looks like
Tommy's cr*ck on the head

Is worse than we thought.

Oh, I hope not.

There isn't a medical facility
For miles around here.

There aren't any facilities
For miles around here.

That's why they call it
"Uncivilized."

What is this?

Well, it'll be a fire
When I get it finished.

Gonna be a shopping mall
When you get it finished.

[ chuckles ]

Why don't you start small
And add to it?

Look, benson,
I'm building the fire.

Why don't you continue
To look at the map?

Governor,
I'm simply trying --

And clayton
Can look after tommy, huh?

But I'm just trying --

Division of responsibility --

See, that's the key
To leadership.

Otherwise,
Nobody's gonna have

Any fun at all
Around here.

Fun?!
This is a helicopter crash!

I didn't mean fun --

I meant fun
In the sense of, uh...

Well, like those guys
On "Hogan's heroes."

If they
Hadn't gotten along,

How much fun would prison camp
Have been, huh?

I honestly don't know.

Well, think about it.

I'd rather not.
I'd rather look at the map.

[ owl hooting ]

What in hell is taking them
So long to rescue us?

I think I have the answer
To that right here.

Huh?

See those rocks
Over there?

Yes, I see those rocks
Over there.

See them here on the map?

[ exhales sharply ]
Yes, I see them on the map.

Now let's look
For the golf course.

Oh, benson,
Don't be ludicrous.

We couldn't see the golf course
From here, especially at night.

On the map.

Oh.

Huh?

Okay.
There it is.

Oh...

Oh, no!

Oh, yes.

We're about three fingers
Off course.

Oh, my gosh, that's --

miles,
Give or take a finger.

Oh!

Now...

That's what I call a fire.

So, what's going on?

Uh...

I'll tell you
What's going on.

It's very simple what's
Going on -- we're doomed!

What's he talking about?

We're miles off course.

Clayton, for pete's sake!

Can't you do
Anything right?!

How could you fly us
In the wrong direction?

Well, it's not necessarily
My fault!

Benson could have done it.

I drove the plane
Where you pointed.

So, what are we
Gonna do now?

Well --
Doh!

Benson?

Well, I say
For the time being,

We stay put, keep the fire
Going, hope somebody finds us.

They're not
Going to find us --

They're looking
In the wrong place!

We have no food.
We have no water.

We're dead!

We're doomed!
We're done for!

We might as well dig a hole
In the ground, lie down in it,

And throw dirt over our --

Shut up!

Benson's right.
We're gonna stay here.

We're gonna wait for dawn.

Anything else, benson?

Well...

Keep our fingers crossed
And pray

That some of them
Meat-eating animals

Hiding out there
In the rocks

Don't consider us
A takeout meal.

[ animal growls ]

[ animal howling ]

Benson, benson!

What, what?

I want to say goodbye.

Okay.
Goodbye.

Benson, benson!

Are you back already?

I haven't left yet.
I need to talk to you.

About what?

I want to give you this.

Okay, clayton, thank you.
I'm moved by your generosity.

It's my will.

Your what?

You guys, could you take
Your conversation

Someplace else?

I'd be happy to take it
Anywhere else.

Unfortunately, we're stuck.

Look, I'm trying to sleep,
And it's very difficult.

What's so important it can't
Wait until in the morning?

Clayton's leaving us.

Where are you going?

Sir, it has become
More and more apparent

That we are not
Going to be rescued,

And I've decided
To go for help.

Clayton,
That's very dangerous.

I think we should all
Stay here

And wait it out.

Sir, I'm very confident
That I can make it.

Then why'd you give me
This will?

Just trust me.
This is the best way.

I'm going to walk out.

You can't go traipsing
Across the desert.

It gets very hot
Out there!

I can make it, sir.
I was a marine.

You were a marine lawyer.

Listen, mister, I don't
Need your permission.

I'm going for help.

What are you gonna do
For water?

I'll suck on a cactus.

Good luck, clayton!

Think we ought to
Stop him?

No, I don't think so.

Maybe he can make it.

Let's hope so.

[ plays harmonica ]

I thought you said
You were sleeping.

I can't now.

[ plays harmonica ]

Where on earth did you
Find a harmonica, anyway?

Oh, I always carry a harmonica
When I fly.

You want to know why?

No.

Just keep playing.

[ plays harmonica ]

[ animal howling ]