01x06 - Royally Flushed

Episode transcripts for the TV series, "FUBAR". Aired: May 25, 2023.*
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Luke Brunner and his daughter Emma have lied to each other for years, neither of them knowing that the other is a CIA operative.
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01x06 - Royally Flushed

Post by bunniefuu »

All right, warmed up.

Go all out now, okay? As hard as you can.

What?

You really want to do this?

You're the one who said

I had to fight for her.

I was speaking figuratively.

Aldon will kick your ass.

That's why I'm asking you to train me.

I know something's up,

and everything points to him.

Emma's always running off

at the last minute all around the world.

And I've got to assume that their company

also sends him on these trips.

Plus, how many times in a month

does someone need to get their car washed?

She likes a clean car.

She's She's acting very weird, man.

- Speaking Swahili.

- She what?

And romantically,

she's gotten quite adventurous as of late,

almost like she's making up for something.

- I don't need to hear that.

- Yeah, my bad. Fair enough.

I don't know why

I thought you should hear that.

I I know something's going on.

If I listen to my gut,

my gut tells me I gotta confront that guy,

even if I have to fight him.

Even if it means I get my ass kicked.

For Emma.

Emma is worth fighting for.

I love her.

You're a good young man, Carter.

Now you're standing here

with boxing gloves on, for Pete's sakes.

And, uh

Oh And what?

Uh, nothing.

No, something. Something's upsetting you.

You're just not saying it.

You had the same look on your face

when I told you

that I was on my high school cheer team.

It's probably worse.

Please, Mr. Brunner,

what aren't you telling me?

I saw Emma and Aldon kissing.

Carter,

please,

talk to Emma.

Maybe you can work things out.

Hey, it's the fiancé.

- What's up with him?

- Oh, he's tired from the training.

He wants to get into wedding shape.

So how is Romi?

Better every minute.

The docs couldn't be happier.

- She'll be home in a few days.

- Thank God.

I come with more good news.

My app is gonna be launching at Ralph's.

Ralph's is one of the biggest chains

on the West Coast. How did you land that?

Not that Ralph's.

Ralph Moskowitz's bodega.

- Oh.

- It's a beta run to show how it works.

I was hoping you could go check it out.

- I'll download it for you.

- No, it's

I got it.

And Donnie's investment let me add

new features like a barcode reader.

It advises you on coupons,

allergens, nutrition.

Any data in the barcode's revealed.

MyAisles is gonna revolutionize

the grocery store experience.

You grab an apple. You pay for the apple.

You don't need a revolution for that.

Check it out.

It works.

It says the app is a bad idea.

- The kiss was a mistake.

- I'm so glad that you said that first.

Good. Okay.

Okay, so friends then?

Yes, ma'am. Friends. Absolutely.

French.

Portuguese.

German.

Whoa! No, scary.

- Um, back to French.

- Okay.

Did you just say "let's go to a motel"?

Or a hotel. I've got miles.

- If we go to a hotel, we have sex.

- That's the idea.

What?

Okay I No, I, um I can't do this. Um

Carter.

I I can't do this to Carter.

My heart is telling me,

"No, stop, this is wrong."

Okay. But what is your groin saying?

'Cause mine's saying

we should definitely go to a motel, right?

Okay. All right, no, you're right.

You're right. This is messed up.

You're engaged.

I've been a lot of things in my life,

and an intentional home-wrecker

has never been one of them.

- So

- Intentional?

Well, they don't always wear rings.

Box seats behind the dugout?

Just got them.

- Paid through the nose.

- Mm-hm.

Ah.

What's the occasion?

I think Emma needs a break.

Between us losing Boro

and everything that's going on with Romi,

I think it'd be good

to have a day just to talk.

So no occasion?

When she was nine,

I missed her gymnastics championships.

To make up for it,

we did family day in the stadium.

I carried her around on my shoulders.

We had hot dogs.

The perfect day.

She even got

an autographed baseball from Jeter.

I remember family day

at Fishkill Correctional.

Buzzie The Strangler gave me a tissue.

It had his mucus on it.

At least, I thought it was mucus.

Hey, Emma, check this out.

Bronx Bomber family day.

Just like old times?

Surprised?

Oh Dad, wow, that's great.

I I would love to, really,

but I need to spend

the weekend with Carter.

I've been away a lot,

and I think it's getting to him.

- Rain check?

- Sure, yeah.

We just do it some other day.

As long as we get some time

to talk a little bit, okay?

Sure. Yeah.

Greetings, chief.

Sit down and listen.

So, Langley thinks they know why Boro

took such risks to get his w*apon back.

- Um, to sell it?

- If he did, he'd be out of inventory.

Now that he has the stolen waste

from the Kazakh train,

and he has the suitcase back,

we believe he will utilize

the suitcase's nuclear core

to re-irradiate the waste

and make another half dozen nukes.

Remind me again why we didn't t*rture him

instead of giving him

exactly what he wanted?

Respectfully.

Well, can't we find Boro

by scanning for the radiation signature,

like we did in Greece?

We've been trying, but no luck. Tina?

My pals at NSA have picked up chatter

that Boro could have his weapons

ready for sale in ten days or less.

NSA also intercepted conversations

about a high-stakes card game

taking place two days from now

at an oligarch's mansion outside Moscow.

Exclusive annual event

with a 200-year history.

Game's a little shady.

Super rich from all over the world

pay a fortune to attend.

It's a status thing.

Some of the players

are underworld characters.

Sources tell us that Boro's

right-hand man, Cain, will be there.

So Cain gets a day off

from side-kicking and bootlicking.

When he's done,

we follow him back to Boro.

Not that simple.

Since escaping Guyana,

we believe Boro and his team

have been traveling exclusively

in private aircraft

with radar-deflecting capability.

Not to mention, they're most likely

moving in and out of unfriendly nations

that don't provide us intel.

However, we have ascertained

that during the game,

cell phones are locked in a box

to prevent cheating.

We get operatives into the game

with data rippers

disguised as cell phones.

They'll extract data from other phones

they're locked in with.

And from that

we can access Cain's GPS data

and learn where he's been,

which will give us Boro's location.

And the location of the nukes.

But therein lies the rub

because Cain already knows

all of our very attractive faces.

Not all of them.

- There's gotta be a better option.

- What he said.

The Boro operation

has been designated need-to-know.

The game's less than 48 hours away.

There's no time to get clearance

and fully read in two new operatives.

Barry and Tina will get their cover IDs.

CIA will bankroll the five million buy-in.

The CIA's got it like that?

Why am I still shopping at T.J. Maxx?

'Cause you like name brands

at no-name prices.

We'll need to clone every phone in the box

since we have no way of knowing

which is Cain's.

That's a lot of data.

That's why we need two players,

each with their own data ripper.

Director, as much as I'd love

to put myself in danger again,

even though I'm not a field operative,

as clearly delineated in my contract

- I don't know how to play cards.

- You won't have to. You'll cheat.

Cheaters never prosper.

Concur.

So how do we get these two

into an exclusive oligarch card game?

Clock's ticking. Figure it out.

I gotta deal with something.

Aldon, you're senior.

Emma has the most Boro experience,

so work together.

The two of you should be good at that.

Those weird brothers sent it to me.

There were three people.

The smaller one went inside quickly

before I could make him out,

but I know that's Emma's friend

from work, Aldon,

and he's with Kyle,

and Kyle's clearly been kidnapped.

I just want the truth, Luke.

Remember when I told you

that we had to convince Kyle

to make the right decision?

That's how we convinced him.

And Aldon helped me.

Because at the engagement party,

he told me

that he needed a little side job

to make some extra money,

so I gave him this job

and paid him a couple of bucks.

But it was for a good cause.

Romi was really sick.

And we didn't hurt Kyle.

We just scared him

to make the right decision.

I guess you did what you thought

you needed to do for Romi.

Fine. But the Twinning Formula guys say

you've been faking sales figures

to win awards.

And they wanna see the books,

or they'll start making noise.

I poked around, Luke, and they're right.

Something Something shady

is going on at Merry Fitness,

and I need to know what it is.

You deserve to know the truth.

Barry has a gambling problem.

Bartholomew Tiberius Putt, a gambler?

He owes a lot of money

to some really bad people,

and I'm trying to help him.

That's why I'm working all the time.

We're using the marketing money

to pay off the gambling debt.

And yes, we are fudging the sales numbers

because we want to win the sales awards.

And the awards

get your name out there for free.

Yes.

The more customers that come in,

the more money comes in,

the more we can go and give to the bookie.

It's a vicious cycle. It's a mess.

You know, I swung by Barry's the other day

to drop off some Tilapia Veracruz

because he's eating

so much crap all the time.

He wasn't home,

but I could see through the window

that all his toys were gone.

Is that Is that because of all this?

He sold everything

to pay off the gambling losses.

But, please, don't give any of this

information to those bozo brothers

because they will shut us down,

and Barry could really get hurt.

I will figure something out.

Not like what you did to Kyle, right?

No, we won't touch them.

Now let me ask you something.

I mean, we could have met anywhere,

and I invited you many times.

What made you finally decide

to come on board?

I don't know.

I I guess

I didn't know what you did,

but I knew you did something for Romi

to save her.

I just

I wanted to do something for you too.

Now, everything you've been

going through because of Barry,

you make it real hard

to stay mad at you, Luke Brunner.

I haven't always been perfect,

but I'm always trying to do

the right thing for our family.

For you.

This is an a*t*matic shuffler

used in high-stakes poker games

to ensure no one cheats.

We will use it to cheat.

It has a pinhead camera

to confirm a standard 52-card deck.

It's also hackable.

We'll read the deal

and feed you the data with these.

A receiver will send

our voices via vibration

to the auditory bones in your ear.

You'll hear us, but no one else will,

and we will hear and see

everything that you do.

An AI program will guide your play,

so you'll remain in the game long enough

to complete the spoofing of Cain's phone.

But even if we crap out,

couldn't we just hang around

until we download the data?

Negative. It's considered bad luck.

You bust, you go.

There are a lot of traditions in the game.

We don't know half of them.

Your cover IDs.

They hate Americans,

so, Barry, you're Nigerian.

Been a while since you've studied

dialect at The Farm, so brush up.

Tina, no, you're not trained in this,

but your NSA file says your grandmother

was French, and you're fluent.

Can you handle the accent?

Not an issue.

To prevent collusion,

all the players have to speak English.

One to ten, where's your freak-out meter?

Eight.

But it was 34 in prison.

Good. Progress.

- The moon may be high ♪

- Sha bop ♪

Sha bop ♪

- But I can't see a thing in the sky ♪

- Sha bop ♪

I only have eyes ♪

For ♪

That was fluffing fantastic.

- Just like old times.

- Wow.

Donnie's been talking about marriage,

hinting he might ask.

You really suck at pillow talk.

I didn't wake up this morning

thinking this would happen.

These feelings, they're new and old.

I want to make sure they're real.

Well they're real for me.

There hasn't been a day I didn't love you.

And that's very sweet,

but you also hurt me real bad.

And I'm in a good relationship right now.

This might have been a mistake.

It wasn't.

Doesn't feel like one.

But I need to make sure.

So as soon as you're back

from your business trip,

let's spend more time together.

Proper dates.

Get a feel for what's going on here.

Pinky promise?

I think we can do better

than a pinky promise.

You're right.

Sha bop ♪

Sha bop ♪

Sha bop ♪

With the help of a ton

of confiscated cartel cash,

we got Barry and Tina bumped to the top

of the card game's alternate list.

So how do we get them to the table?

We can wait for my dad, but he did leave

Aldon and me to run point, so

Throwing Papa under the bus. Classy.

- We can break down what we put together.

- Proceed.

It's a five-player game.

We take out two of the players.

They have to replace them

with two of our guys.

We chose a couple, the Biryukovs.

Their place is a fortress

with top-of-the-line security.

Five guards. Two out back,

two at the gate, one inside.

We start in the back.

They're ex-Aussie Special Forces

working private sector.

We can't k*ll 'em,

but a pair of 13-caliber tranquilizer

dart r*fles will do the trick.

- Why two?

- Air g*ns don't have the range,

and from that close,

the sh*ts have to be simultaneous.

- Pretty boy will do it with me.

- That's me. I'm pretty.

Pair at the front gate is more difficult.

We have to assume the house guard

has access to a monitor.

If he sees 'em go down, it's over.

So we need a van and 30 balloons.

What's going on?

One of the poker buddies

sent good-luck balloons.

And a big box, back of the van.

Check it out.

Sign here, please.

Good night, mate.

Four down, one to go.

How do you take out the guard

in the house?

Easy. Joy buzzer.

Seem to be shocked to see me.

We're in.

We're both under the weather.

We're sorry to miss the game too.

Thank you.

Maybe next time.

And Barry and Tina take their place.

We hit the old coots with some darts.

They go nighty night.

When they wake up, we're long gone.

Easy as Sunday morning.

Don't worry. It's just a sedative.

You can't give us sedative.

It could k*ll us.

We have COPD.

You said you wouldn't hurt us

if we made the call. Please.

I think they're telling the truth.

So? There's like a 5% chance

something happens to them,

but 100% chance we don't get Boro

if they alert anyone to what we're up to.

So let's stick 'em and get out of here.

They're not spies.

They're just card players.

They'll like the risk. They're gamblers.

Emma's right. We can't sh**t them.

Aldon and I will sweep the house.

You keep watch.

Borscht is in the bowl?

Goulash is in the

I got nothing.

Deposit all phones.

Of course. My pleasure.

Voilà, monsieur.

Follow me.

What the heck was that accent?

Wakanda.

It was the only study material

I could find.

He only took your side

because you're his daughter, by the way.

- He took my side because I'm right.

- Whatever.

Well, you're not much

of a sports fan, huh?

- I was an NCAA athlete.

- NCAA?

What sport? assh*le Olympics?

I'm not engaging.

Who says no to baseball with Dad?

Who are you, Ray Kinsella?

You are living a Harry Chapin song.

sh*t.

Not that it's your business,

but I'm having some relationship issues

that I need to tend to this weekend, okay?

Yeah, he knows that,

and he's worried about you.

That's why he wanted to take you

to a ball game and talk.

- Really? That's why he wanted to go?

- Yep.

What an inconvenience

having a dad who cares.

The only sporting event my dad took me to

was a cockfight in an abandoned Del Taco.

Please, there's no need to fight.

Old man, I will dart you

in your turkey neck.

Wow.

These things are endangered.

Rich people.

Mm.

Whoa.

Hey, check it out. Old fallout bunker.

Weird.

You've had it in for me

since we started working together.

What is your problem?

You really wanna know?

sh*t.

Balloons were your idea.

Mm. Fruit cocktail.

I love these things.

Plus, this is not yours.

You have a tendency of taking things

that are not yours.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- Well, you tell me.

Hey!

Give me that.

Get over there.

The door is electric. It shorted out.

It's set to default.

We're locked in.

Welcome, new friends and old.

By taking your place at this table,

you have joined an historic coterie.

Czar Alexander sat here

while Napoleon's army

knocked at the gates,

Stalin while the Third Reich invaded,

and as the American president

pointed missiles at Cuba,

Khrushchev banged his shoe on this table

because he did not pull

an inside straight.

The game is five-card draw.

Three raises, no limit.

Ante: 50,000.

But first, our traditional drink

moloko ottsa.

Mm.

Ura!

Ura!

Salud.

My Russian is rusty.

Moloko ottsa?

Father's milk.

Vodka and yak semen.

Let's play some cards.

Controls are fried, and the door's steel.

You're not getting it open.

Can't get a signal in here.

Hey, this probably runs

the bunker system's control.

Oh, keyboard's Cyrillic. Not a problem.

Yeah, system's sh*t

and the door hydraulics are down.

If the guards wake up

and we're still here,

we go straight for the gulag.

Okay, is it just me,

or is it getting unbearably hot?

Well, that's 'cause the ventilation's

shutdown too.

We won't have to worry about prison

'cause the CO2 scrubber is not working,

and this place is vacuum-sealed.

We're all gonna asphyxiate

long before we're found.

Data extraction at 5%.

Millions of miles before we sleep.

If you can hear me,

Barry touch your chips,

and Tina take a sip.

All hands accounted for.

AI's calculating strategic play.

Okay, caught a break on the first hand.

Barry's sitting pretty with three eights.

No one else has anything,

and nothing's coming up in the draw.

They'll bet conservatively,

or if they're smart, just fold.

What's he doing? He's only got a pair.

- I thought he was a card player.

- Apparently a bad one.

He plays like this, he'll be out

of the game and gone with his phone

way before we're done copying it.

Okay, new plan.

We cheat to help Cain.

I already feel like I can't breathe.

- You okay, Cool Breeze?

- I don't like feeling confined.

I read about this German guy

that lived in this tiny house,

and he d*ed on his own farts.

Oh God, Ruth is feeling

a little hot underneath the collar.

Who's Ruth?

She's Ruth. Roo is short for Ruth.

I thought it was a nickname

because you drive a Subaru.

I drive a Subaru 'cause I'm gay.

So you never bothered

to learn my real name?

Nice kid you raised there, boss.

Come on, open up,

you Soviet-era piece of garbage!

You're not helping.

No sh*t!

I'm wasting oxygen.

Six people in a room this size,

normal CO2 output and O2 consumption,

we've got two hours tops.

Tell us about the bunker.

It was here when we bought house,

left over from when we thought

nuclear w*r was inevitable.

We thought it was kitschy.

I told you not to eat that crap.

I need some sugar,

or I'm gonna crash.

Crash.

That's it.

Emma, check the computer

when it was fired up the last time.

Um.

According to its clock, October 8th, 1989.

Okay, hear me out.

This computer is vulnerable

to crashing from the Y2K bug.

Nothing happened with Y2K.

Because we knew there was a problem,

so we fixed it.

I mean, from '97 to '99,

Y2K was just about all I worked on.

And this helps us how?

The computer runs the entire

bunker system, including the door.

So when the clock flips forward

to the year 2000, which is double zero,

the computer thinks it's 1900 and resets.

And upon resetting, it opens the door.

But it's not gonna think

it's the year 2000 for another 11 years.

So I'll speed up the CPU,

so it'll cycle through the dates faster.

We'd do this

in our high school computer lab

to make video games go faster.

It's not that hard.

Cain has a pair of tens.

Barry, Tina, stand pat,

so Cain gets the next card.

Another ten's coming.

Like Gandhi said

every day of his hunger strike,

"Nothing for me, thanks."

- I'll stand.

- Three.

Bets?

Okay, everybody in.

Please show your cards.

Mm. Mm.

I win again.

Yes, very lucky today, Mr. Khan.

Quite unusual for you.

Excuse me, sir,

but your associate has arrived.

Boro?

Son of a bitch.

Barry, Tina,

our target is right there with you,

and you are going to k*ll him.

One moment, please.

What are you doing here?

Is everything okay?

We'll see.

I received a call

from a contact in the SVR

I've done business with before.

He says he has information for us

about our troubles in Guyana.

The host of your game

is a government friendly.

Thought this would be

a good spot to speak privately.

I just heard from

our mutual associate in Moscow.

They will be here shortly.

If you like, it would be my honor

to deal you in

with half-a-million house marker.

Thank you, but a man does not gamble

and wish for good fortune.

A real man takes what he wants,

creates his own.

Very good, then.

Okay, you know,

I can run extra power to overclock this,

but I don't know

what kind of processor this is,

so I could melt the chip.

There's a barcode.

Oscar's app.

Okay, does this help?

It's an Intel i386 knockoff, 12 meg.

Says it overclocks to 40.

That'll do 'er.

Aldon, do you know

what the squiggles mean?

On it.

Yes! It worked.

Hopefully, this thing's calendar expires

before we do.

Dad, you said you wanted

to talk about something. We have time.

Time, but not the place.

- Let's do it when we get out of here.

- Suit yourself.

You know you can't make calls

from in here, Einstein.

I'm checking that message from Carter.

If I die in here, hopefully his last words

to me were something nice.

Don't listen to it, sweetheart.

I mean, this is stinking thinking.

Look, let's just stay positive.

Then when we get out of here,

you can talk to him in person.

- Uh, I appreciate that, but I'm good.

- No, don't.

You told Carter I kissed Aldon?

You kissed the princess?

Sack tap.

I'll see your 80,000.

Listen,

I have no idea why Boro's there,

but the bottom line is

Straight.

you cannot let him walk out alive.

What do you have?

That's impossible.

How do the Americans say, huh?

Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

No. The only reason we invite you

to this game is because you're terrible.

- Ah.

- You're not winner. You're cheater.

Hey, hey! Don't you call me a cheater.

Why is he here?

He's not playing. They could be colluding.

You insult that man, I'll k*ll you.

Stop this now.

There will be no fighting!

This game is beyond reproach.

In our history,

there has been but one cheater,

Rasputin, the unscrupulous magician.

And what did our forefathers do?

They poisoned him

and drowned him in Neva River.

That is what happens to cheaters,

and we all know it.

Gentlemen,

I think we could all use une petite pause

and a drink, no?

A proper drink?

One that doesn't come from a yak's penis?

Monsieur, do I detect

a Central American accent?

Let me make you a rum ponche

with, um, a hint of sweet vermouth.

One sip and you'll think you d*ed.

Smart kid.

- What the hell are you doing?

- Taking Boro out.

- With rum punch?

- With this.

Give me a tumbler.

Here you go.

Did you find the liquor

you were looking for?

Not yet.

Ah!

Here it is.

Uh, fill me in, please.

Ethylene glycol is found

in most household cleaners.

Glycol will mix

with the mugwort in the vermouth.

- Do you know what mugwort is?

- Only from Harry Potter.

Mugwort is toxic

when mixed with high doses

of certain accelerating agents.

Like Ethel Merman-al?

The alcohol will cause

slow and steady absorption.

Boro will start to feel sick,

and in 30 minutes,

he'll be dead.

Dot, how much longer

until Cain's phone's been copied?

We still need to find

that nuke after Boro's gone.

We're at 78%.

About 30 minutes.

That's cutting it close.

We can't leave without the phones,

and if Boro dies

before we're out that door

- They'll know we did it.

- Do you know what they'll do to us?

They made us drink yak sperm

when they were being friendly.

- It was kind of spicy.

- Why was it so spicy?

Good evening, comrade.

Welcome to my home.

I have an area prepared

for you and Mr. Polonia

where you can speak privately.

What the hell's going on?

How could you tell him?

It was the best for him and you.

Oh my God, this is what you wanted

to talk to me about.

This is why you wanted to take me

to the game, to ease your guilt.

The one that should feel guilty is you.

You kissed Aldon.

Carter, he knew there was something up,

so I just confirmed his suspicions.

It is not your place to confirm anything.

I thought you and I were past this.

Why do you always have to inv*de my life?!

Are you sh1tting me?

Are you really complaining

that your dad is too up in your business?

You are such a spoiled,

unappreciative brat.

I've really had enough of you today.

What? What is your problem with me?

My problem is that you have everything,

and you appreciate nothing.

This guy chases you around,

desperate to connect,

works with you, takes you to ball games,

worries about you nonstop.

You know when I hear from my old man?

Every five years when he needs

a letter for the parole board.

Meanwhile, you have Dad of the Year.

- Thank you, Roo.

- Shut up.

You're as pathetic as she is.

Chasing her around like you chase

her mother, you punk-ass bitch.

Oh, don't you laugh, you sorry assh*le.

The one woman in the whole world

you knew I wouldn't want you

to hook up with,

and you did it anyway.

What kind of best friend are you?

Weak sauce, man.

Weak sauce.

It was not your best decision-making,

sweetheart.

I warned you that Carter could get hurt.

And seriously, Aldon?

Oh my God! It was just a kiss

in the heat of the moment, okay?

He's a himbo in nice clothes,

and he helped Romi,

and I had a moment of weakness.

I fell for his stupid, cute face.

Doesn't matter. It won't happen again.

It meant nothing, absolutely nothing.

Would you stop saying that?

Because it meant something to me.

sh*t.

Apologies for the last-minute request,

but when we learned

you were in our country,

we wanted to seize the opportunity

to speak to a man

that we have long admired.

How did you know I was here?

We are SVR.

We know what you had for breakfast.

Why are you here?

It is our understanding

you're looking for a man named Finn Hoss.

- How did you know that?

- We are SVR.

We also know what you had for lunch.

We have had a mole embedded in the CIA

for some time now, Songbird.

We believe Songbird

will be able to ferret out

the identity of Finn Hoss for you.

Because you have long admired me,

or because you want something in return?

You call off the auction.

All of the weapons that you make are ours.

We will, of course, pay fair market value

and give you the man you're looking for.

Finn Hoss and Danielle DeRosa.

Deliver them,

no one else buys what I'm selling.

Is there any way

either of you can angle yourself

so I can get a better look

at who he's meeting with?

Oops.

- Excuse me.

- Allow me, madam.

Thanks.

Volek. Why is he having

a sit-down with him?

Merci.

Señorita, um, this is not rum punch.

It is too sweet.

I'm Indian. We like our sweets.

And you are sweet. Maybe after game,

I can show you how sweet I can be.

Thank you, but no.

Well, if you're not going to have it

Sir? The cards?

- Pass. Let Cain have the Jack.

- I'll stand.

I'll stand as well.

Two.

I'll bet 500,000.

You bet out of order. It's bad form.

But I'm in.

Son of a bitch!

- Yes, yes, yes!

- Hey! My drink!

You've had more than enough.

That's a problem.

The shuffler shorted out.

Can't read the cards.

Okay, well,

Cain is up a pretty decent amount.

We just need him in the game

for another 25 minutes or so

till his phone is spoofed.

We should make it, right?

The guy just bet half a mill

and barely won with our help.

This is an issue.

The shuffler is broken.

I hope I am trusted enough

to finish out the game dealing by hand?

This guy spills my drink,

does not even have courtesy enough

to get me a new one.

Ah.

No, that's for our guest.

It's mine now.

Okay, that's not good.

All right, guys,

let's just focus on ripping Cain's data.

How do we keep Cain

in the game long enough

to finish copying his phone

without the shuffler?

I'll figure something out.

But we've gotta get them out of there

before he dies,

or they'll die too.

I don't know how it happened.

Kind of felt something

since we were in Moldova.

Well, you're You're interesting,

and I just like talking to you,

and I don't know. You're alluring.

You allured me.

- I'm gonna be sick.

- Well, how do you think I feel?

I want to take Emma away from

the nicest, sweetest guy in the world.

- What does that make me?

- A dude with sh*t taste?

- It was a rhetorical question.

- Smoke.

Oh man.

The fan's wiring is overheating.

- It's running too fast.

- And?

And if we lose the fan,

the CPU gets too hot,

and the whole thing burns out.

And we all die in here.

Everyone look for replacement wiring

in a radio or a walkie-talkie.

Anything that can conduct.

You sure sounded disappointed

that your daughter would stoop so low

as to take an interest in me.

- I thought we were friends.

- Don't get me wrong.

You're a great guy's guy.

But no one wants to have

their kid involved

with a $10,000-suit-wearing gigolo.

You know what I mean?

Do you want to know why I dress nice?

We were so poor growing up

that I wore nothing but hand-me-downs.

Whatever fit and didn't have holes.

Do you know what it's like

going to middle school in Dothan, Alabama,

wearing your sister's

Backstreet Boys T-shirt?

When Jane Dautrieve

asked me to the Fall Fling

I was so excited.

Then she asked

in front of the whole school

if I was gonna wear

my brother's dress shoes

'cause she heard that

we could only afford one pair.

Everyone laughed at me.

And my mom cut my hair,

and, uh, we couldn't afford

to go to the dentist.

But when I got hired by the CIA,

I got my teeth fixed.

I went to the salon.

I bought expensive clothes

because I could.

Yeah, I've slept with a lot of women

because they finally wanna sleep with me.

But I've never had feelings

for any of them.

I never wanted to see them every day,

and I never thought about them

as soon as I woke up.

But now that I do

what, it's eighth grade all over again,

and suddenly I'm not good enough?

- Screw both of you.

- Aldon.

Nope.

What do you got there, Roo?

A crate's worth of kick-ass

if your kid wants some.

No, I'm talking about in your hand.

It's a can of fruit cocktail.

An aluminum lid is a decent conductor.

So let's fight later. Fix the damn fan.

Got your text.

Your ace in the hole is here.

All right.

Cain's already dropped over three million

in just five hands.

He'll be out of the game in minutes,

and we need him and his phone

to remain where they are

for ten more minutes

till we get all his data copied.

Mm-hm. All right.

Let me get a good look at the players,

and I'll be reading them

like a copy of Psychology Today.

Good Lord. What's up with that guy?

Tina accidentally poisoned him.

See what happens

when you bring me in late on things?

Raise one million.

He's not bluffing.

How are you so sure?

Well, take a good look

at the poor bastard.

Thousand-dollar suit, $300 haircut.

Before he got dosed,

he was very neat and a**l,

but he just splashed the pot.

He's so excited he's got a good hand

he got messy.

Out.

Guys, fold like laundry,

or you're out of cash.

I'm out.

I call.

Not a good move, Cain.

Seems your luck

continues to change, Mr. Khan.

Just like famous cocktail,

cream rises to top

with this white Russian.

You have enough for one more hand,

and then you leave like a loser,

just like you came.

His speech is off,

but it's more than just the alcohol.

Look at his fine motor skills.

He can barely pick up the chips.

This guy's gonna drop dead in minutes.

His liver will expel all the toxins.

He'll turn purple and bloat.

- They'll know he was poisoned.

- Mm.

No!

You know what they say about yak sperm?

You don't buy it, you rent it.

It's working fine.

It's getting close though.

Am I the only one getting lightheaded?

No. No, me too.

I sure as hell

don't wanna die with you people.

Yeah, I don't blame you.

Aldon, I'm sorry for what I said.

I was a jerk.

And for what it's worth,

so was Jane Dautrieve in eighth grade.

I'm sorry too, Aldon.

I should've chosen my words more carefully

because you would make

a wonderful boyfriend to any girl.

It's just that

when it is your own daughter

Dad, stop.

When will you learn?

Where do you get off commenting

on anyone else's relationship?

Roo was right. You've been

chasing after Mom for 15 years.

Take the rejection and move on, okay?

It's pathetic and embarrassing.

- Oh, is that so?

- Yeah.

Funny because I was not rejected.

What do you mean?

You ever think about

why I didn't make the ops briefing?

Oh sh*t.

My man.

No.

On the ship.

Your mommy swabbed the deck with me.

- No, this is not happening.

- She made me her first mate.

Then we relaxed a little bit,

had some orange juice,

and then she made me

her second mate if you catch my drift.

God, why would she do that?!

After all you put her through!

After I went out of my way

to get Donnie to ask her out

Excuse me?

What did you say?

I told you she was the worst.

Betrayed by my own daughter?

Yeah, that's right. You wanna know why?

Because every time I went to Mom's office,

I saw how Donnie looked at her,

how he talked to her, made her feel good.

So I told him what flowers she likes,

what food she likes,

movies she likes.

Foamed the runway straight to Mom's heart.

And her noo-noo.

I thought that we were finally

getting along much better,

and you double-crossed me.

That's it, and that's all.

Will you quit saying that?

You didn't make it up.

It's from Throw Momma from the Train.

One, I never saw that movie,

so I did make it up,

and two, I cannot believe

that you thought your mother

would be better off with someone else.

Oh, I still do.

The only mistake bigger than Mom

getting back together with you

was marrying you in the first place.

Oh!

You should apologize to Father.

Oh, now you say something.

I will let you know

when we have the information you desire.

Until we speak again.

You must go now. I will call your car.

Cain, we're done here.

We're at 98% downloaded.

You cannot let them leave.

Stop them.

I finally start to win,

and you want me gone. It's bullshit.

- How many drinks has he had?

- Three or four at least.

Three or four drinks? For a Russian?

Doesn't make sense.

Get up.

You've embarrassed yourself

and disrespected the game.

You are lucky

I don't take you outside and thrash you.

What are these?

He was cheating the whole time.

99%.

Dimitri does not cheat.

Dimitri Malakhov,

you have sullied

the integrity of our game and my home.

You will now, like Rasputin,

suffer the ultimate punishment

for your indiscretion. Guards!

100%.

You have all of Cain's data on your phone.

All losses are hereby refunded.

The money will be wired

into your accounts.

You all have my deepest apologies.

After we get

our phones, should we try to follow Boro?

Remember the last time

you tried to follow Stan Lee at Comic-Con?

I won't be able to bail you out this time.

He'll just go to his plane and fly off.

We came for the data. We got the data.

Let's go.

How'd you know about the poison?

'70s movies, remember?

A lot of James Bond.

- How'd you get the aces up his sleeve?

- Five summers of magic camp.

OTS is still cracking Cain's phone data.

We'll have something

on Boro's location soon.

Can't believe how close we were to him.

We're gonna get him.

It's just a matter of time.

We gave 10% of the buy-in

to the Biryukovs.

They believe you're foreign affiliates

of the Russian mob, so they'll be quiet.

They were pretty upset.

Something about a missing pet lizard.

Know anything about that?

Yeah, I think maybe you do.

Got a call from Customs

thanking you for some info you fed 'em.

Took 'em to this fella

in a container of gym equipment

shipped into Brooklyn.

The owners of the company,

Twinning Formula,

were indicted

for smuggling endangered wildlife.

Assets frozen,

business license pulled, computers seized.

I got some intel from some sources,

then passed it on.

- Are you telling me everything?

- Everything you want to know.

Is that fruit cocktail?

That stuff isn't healthy.

You're telling me.

Neither is a team that hates each other.

- What happened in that bunker?

- Don't worry.

My team will take down Boro.

The Russians are making overtures to Boro.

All I do is worry.

Dad, I'm sorry

Tina, there's something

I need to tell you.

A secret I've been keeping.

That you're a nerd?

You went to magic camp.

Your accent was from a comic book movie,

and you have a T-shirt of one of

my favorite French-Canadian superheroes.

You know Matter-Homme?

Yeah, but

that is just scratching the surface.

Dad.

Come in.

What's up?

I brought you something.

A check?

What for?

MyAisles.

I used it the other day,

and it was really helpful,

so I want to invest in it.

Wow.

This is a lot of money. I

I don't know what to say.

I promise you

a great return on your investment.

Oh, I don't care about the return

or the investment in MyAisles.

I'm investing in you.

You said something the other day

that really bothered me.

Emma is the daughter I always wanted,

and you're the son I always hoped for.

I'm proud of you.

Now maybe

I'm not mentioning it often enough,

so if you're frustrated

or angry about anything,

just come and talk to me.

But don't bottle it all up

and then one day just explode at me.

Um sure, Dad. Yeah.

Hey, old man.

Rumor has it

you're sitting on some Yankee tickets.

You're short a kid tonight,

and I've been short a dad my whole life,

so what do you say we catch a game?

- Let's do it.

- All right. Come on.

What a surprise.

Mm.

You know, if you were my daughter,

I would call you

more than once every five years.

- Sack tap.

- Ow.

That's what you get

for being sentimental.

Let's go. You're buying the beer.
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