05x13 - The Indian

[bunniefuu]

Anything you can share?

This town up in oregon...

Somebody screwed up in
the wording or something,

And they passed this
law making sex illegal.

No kidding.

Really.

Excuse me.

Look at the cops
trying to enforce it.

Oh. That wouldn't be hard.

No?

No. Bagging the
evidence would be touchy.

Uh, excuse me, please.
Can you help me?

I'm detective sergeant harris.

What seems to be the problem?

It's my shoes.

You're not wearing any.

Well, yes, that's why
I'm here. I was robbed.

Some man took my shoes

Off of my feet at a bus stop.

Oh.

Oh!

Have a seat over
here, miss, uh...

Dubois... Maggie dubois.

Well, it was just so crazy.

There I was.

I was sitting with my paper,

And suddenly, I felt
what seemed like, um...

Cold fingers moving
all over my feet.

Harris.

Oh, uh, miss dubois,
this is captain miller.

- Miss dubois.
- Likewise, I'm sure.

Uh... Barn,

Miss dubois had
her shoes stolen.

From off her feet.

Oh.

By a man.

He was grubby.

By this grubby little
man at a bus stop.

Oh! You mean a...
Fancier of footwear.

Am I correct in assuming
that this situation is bizarre?

Well, miss dubois,

Obviously we're dealing
with a very sick man here.

What is it he wants
with my shoes?

Uh... Sergeant harris
will be glad to help you.

Oh, thank you, barney.

Now what?

Well, um... We'd like
you to fill out a form,

And then we'd like you
to look at some pictures

Of some known sex offenders.

Sex offenders?

No, no. He took my shoes.

Oh, I understand completely.

Have I been violated?

Metaphorically, maybe.

A shoe fetish...
That's pretty rare.

I don't know.

Doesn't surprise me a bit.

- Oh?
- Mnh-mnh.

I used be shocked
at stuff like that,

But I'm not anymore.

Really?

Yeah.

You can point to every
item in the sears catalog,

And somebody somewhere
wants to sleep with it.

I'll get it.

Th precinct. Wojciehowicz.

In his crude way, he's right.

In fact, fetishism isn't even
limited to inanimate objects.

Yeah, I really
don't have the time...

Studies have shown a
person can have a fetish

Over a human attribute.

Now, that is really ludicrous!

It's true.

There are people who
get sexually excited

Over qualities like,
uh... Punctuality,

Wisdom, compassion,
perceptiveness.

It is possible for
one human being

To admire those traits
in another human being

Without becoming
sexually excited!

Whoa, whoa. Settle down.

Wojo: barn?

There's a disturbance
over in central park.

Fine! Take dietrich with you.

What's all the excitement about?

He has a dispute with modern
psychological thought.

You mean you got on his nerves.

Right.

Morning, harris.

I know that coat.

You got one like it?

Got one...

Oh, that's a good one.

"Got one like it"!

Reporting for
duty as ordered, sir.

Good morning, levitt.

Oh, didn't I say that?

Is there something wrong?

Regarding what?

Your... Your entire
demeanor, your...

Oh, you mean the
lack of gung ho-ness.

Yes.

Oh. I feel it's
appropriate, sir.

I mean, it's not like
anything is gonna come

From this temporary assignment.

I see.

It's just accepting the
fact that these little jaunts

Up here to the world
of plain clothes

Are about as
transient as life itself.

Why, levitt, that's...
That's almost existential.

Should I apologize
for that, sir?

No, no, no, no. It's
just philosophy.

Oh. Maybe I picked
it up from dietrich.

Maybe.

Uh... Why don't you work with
sergeant harris on his case?

Fascinating case.

Thanks, barn... Again.

I, uh... I know you're not
thrilled working with me.

You never are, but
I've accepted that.

Um...

You, uh... You need
more of those?

Uh... Sex offenders.

I know right where
they are. I'll get them.

I don't care.

Okay, this is where
we're going, in here.

What have we got here?

Old indian.

What's the charge?

Trespassing,
disturbing the peace.

Uh, barn, this is
george tenfingers.

He's an indian.

Dietrich just told me.

This is captain
miller, my chief.

How do you do, mr. Tenfingers?

They're all there.

Oh.
Well, what's the story?

Oh, well, uh... The
park department

Caught him in a restricted area.

He was camped out in this
flower bed under a tree.

He was, uh... Chanting
and burning things.

Some sort of ceremony.

Mr. Tenfingers
says he wants to die.

- What?
- That's why he
went to the park.

It's a good place to die.

The parks department's
gonna press charges?

For the time being.

All right, wojo,
take a statement.

Follow me.

Ugh. There you go.

All those?

It's a sick city,
ma'am, and a big one.

You sound bitter.

You only go around
once in this life,

And there's just not
enough gusto for everybody.

That man has a poor outlook.

Ah, visibility's bad down there.

Where do you live?

Where you do... At the
center of the universe.

It's an indian belief

That the center of the
universe for anybody

Is wherever they
are at the time.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah... Unless you're in jersey.

It's a little white-man's humor.

It's just something else
we owe you an apology for.

Wojo, I just got off the phone
with the parks department.

They've decided to
drop all charges.

You mean I can go?

Uh... No.

Barn, uh... This guy...
He's got no home.

He's got no money.

He told me he hasn't
eaten for four days.

Haven't eaten in four
days, mr. Tenfingers?

It helps me to communicate
with the spirit of the wolf.

Well, sure, if you starve
yourself out of your skull,

You can talk to all your
little friends in the forest.

Enough, wojo.

Barn, the guy's
making himself sick.

The wolf will
not let me be sick.

He's preparing me for death.

Well, he's not gonna
let you die here.

I prefer not to.

Mail call! Morning, everybody!

Not much anyway... A
couple items for harris,

One piece for wojo,

And nothing for the other guys.

Fine.

Or the indian.

Thank you, zatelli, thank you.

Uh... Oh, captain, here are
your manpower reports.

Fine, fine.

I also took the liberty

Of working up the
quarterly strength figures

And gave you your
year-end projection.

Excellent work. Keep it up.

I'll try, sir.

Yeah?

Uh... The, uh... The
bureau of indian affairs

Is sending someone over,

So can I hold the old
guy until they get here?

Sure, fine.

I didn't know they had
an office in new york city.

Well, uh, um... I
called washington.

And they're sending
somebody up just for this?

You'd think they'd be all
involved with larger issues...

Reservations, land
claims... That sort of stuff.

I told him there might be

Some sort of, uh...
Treaty involved.

Harris: barn?

Yeah?

Uh...

Uh... Miss dubois just
picked out a suspect.

It's one horace chandler,

- So I'll take levitt
and go pick him up?
- Fine.

What the hell was that?

What's going on?
What's the matter?

I'm sorry. His eyes were closed.

He didn't seem to be breathing.
I thought he was dead!

You all right, mr. Tenfingers?

Yes.

I was with the wolf.

He took me to the
place where I'm going.

It was beautiful.

I thought I told you
not to get out that chair.

Uh... I could get
you a doughnut.

Listen, I'm... I'm, uh...

I'm sorry about
yelling at you before.

I didn't mean nothing by it.

When you speak,

There's fire in your eyes
and thunder in your voice.

Yeah, i... I, uh... I
get thundery a lot.

I was b*rned with the same fire.

It's not like you're
b*rned out now, you know?

You look in pretty
good shape to me.

"It is time to go,"
says the wolf.

Mr. Tenfingers, uh...

Do... Do you... Do you
actually see this wolf?

He came back yesterday.

I'd only seen him
once before that.

When I found him in the woods,

He had run into
the white man's trap.

It was a lesson for both of us.

Wojo.

Oh, just a minute.

Uh... What happened?

I let him go.

And in return,

He showed me the right
path for the rest of my life.

That is why I must
follow him now.

Wojo.

Uh... Just... Excuse me.

Yeah?

Heard anything from the
bureau of indian affairs yet?

Uh, not yet.

Any, uh... Contingency plans?

Like what?

Well, like, uh...
Social agencies,

Men's shelters,
salvation army, something.

He'd just walk
right out of there.

Well, then, a
hospital, bellevue.

Well, when the bureau of
indian affairs guy gets here,

He'll... He'll just, uh...

He'll what? And
what if he doesn't?

Right this way.

That's him! That's
the grubby man!

Platforms,

Single strap in
the back, open-toed.

This is our thief?

That's him, barney.

Please be careful with that
bag. You'll crinkle my patents.

Take it easy. Just take it easy.

Quite a collection.

Yeah... Pumps,
platforms, slippers...

What, no wedgies?

Wedgies? Not this fall.

You're a very sick man, mister!

Miss dubois.

Oh, I'm sorry. I
had to say that.

Hey. Hey, don't feel bad.

I know what I am,
and... And it's all right.

I've accepted it.

I can live with it.

I am comfortable.

You want me to check

The ship movements
to fantasy island?

Just take a statement.

Miss dubois, would you
step this way, please?

Come on, mr. Chandler. Hey.

May I speak privately
with you, sir?

Certainly, just, uh...

May I help you?

I'm philip owens,
bureau of indian affairs.

Oh, you must be
here to see wojo.

Wojo? Wojo... Chippewa?

Polish.

I don't understand, levitt.

Your work in uniform
has always been very good.

But not excellent, sir.

I beg your pardon?

The word "excellent," sir...

I don't believe I ever heard it
in conjunction with my name.

Levitt, i...

Zatelli.

He does excellent
work, or so I've heard.

Levitt, you, too, have done

Some... Very... Excellent work.

You don't have to, sir.

Levitt, I wouldn't lie
for someone's benefit.

Thank you, sir.

I... I believe I needed that.

Yeah, I guess we can all use

A pat on the rump every
once in a while, huh?

The compliment was enough,
sir, but thanks anyway.

I was led to believe

That there were questions
of treaty involved.

Well, there are.

What?!

I don't know. You're the expert!

Do you realize the kind of
responsibilities that I have?

I deal with entire indian
nations, not people!

No, you don't pull that "
years of guilt" stuff on me.

I have worked too
hard for you people...

Collectively,
not individually...

Because I don't have the time!

My god, I've got
the arapahos at : .

Barn, this is mr. Owens

From the bureau
of indian affairs.

- Captain miller.
- How do you do, mr. Owens?

I'm late.

Nice to meet you, too.

Captain, I was brought down
here on false pretenses.

I don't know if you people
at the municipal level...

Mr. Owens, would you
step in my office a moment?

All right, but
just for a minute.

Married?

Divorced.

I'm sorry.

Hey, listen, it was the best
thing that could have happened.

She was always on my back,
yelling at me, screaming.

She had the
temperament of a bull.

Next of kin?

None.

And the feet of a brontosaurus.

Okay, mr. Chandler, come on.

We're going to have
to go downstairs

To pick up some
pictures and prints.

Florsheim?

Gucci.

I had a hunch.

I just resent the
fact that I was lied to.

Well, lied...

He told me there was
questions of treaty involved.

Well, perhaps
sergeant wojciehowicz

Was just, uh... Confused

With regard to the
legalities of the situation.

Yeah.

I mean, uh, that's right.

I was confused.

I've never heard that said
with such pride before.

Mr. Owens, does not the bureau

Have some facilities...
A hospital, a...

On the reservation,
yes, but out here,

He's just like anyone else
with that kind of problem.

Now, what do you
do with those people?

We ship them to bellevue.

Well, he is entitled
to that same privilege.

That's it, ma'am.
You're free to go.

Oh, thank you very much.

Well, I guess I'll
be trotting along.

Ma'am, your shoes.

Hmm? Uh, yes, what about them?

I'm afraid they'll
have to stay here.

Oh, you're joking.

Evidence, ma'am...

You'll be able to pick them
up in a couple of weeks.

A couple of weeks?

No, I don't have any
other shoes with me.

Regulations, ma'am. I'm sorry.

Tsk. Oh.

Officially, I can only
apologize for the inconvenience.

But the unofficial
options are still open.

Just a minute, okay?

I'm sincerely sorry there
isn't more I could have done.

I'm sure you are.

There just aren't
enough hours in the day

To do everything that I
want to for those people.

I can appreciate that.

With budget cuts,
government rollbacks,

Political pressure,
well, you know how it is.

Thank you, mr. Owens.

Yes, you're welcome.

Mr. Owens?

I mean that.

Sir, may I drive
miss dubois home?

She's without her
shoes. It's cold.

Sure, sure.

Miss dubois?

Well, thank you.
That's very considerate.

You know, we're not required
to do this, you understand.

Hmm.

But, uh, this one's on me.

Oh.

Miss dubois?

Wojo?

Oh, uh, yeah, right.

You got to go with
me now, mr. Tenfingers.

Where are we going, wojo?

Oh, well, uh...

We're going to go to someplace

Where they're going to help you.

It's a... A hospital.

But it's a nice place.

I mean, they're going to
take real good care of you.

It's for your own damn good.

Um... Dietrich, you
want to file that?

Hey.

Wojo?

Barn.

Are you all right?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Uh, I took him back to the park.

What?!

Yeah, he wanted
to go, so I took him.

Wojo, how could you do that?

He's dead, barn.

I, uh... I stayed
with him awhile,

And, uh, and we talked,

And then we just
sat... Then he d*ed.

Just like that?

Made me feel good, barn.

Wojo...

This isn't a question of
right and wrong. It's...

It's what he wanted.

I don't mean, like, he... He
wanted to die, you know.

He wanted, uh...

Wanted to be in the park.

Um, barn, I'd like to take
off for a while, all right?

Yeah, sure.

Manual doesn't cover
something like this.

Sir, may I say I'm personally
proud of what you just did?

Most commanders
would have left their man

Hanging out there
to dry, but not you.

And I want you to know,

Even though it's not
my place to say so,

You're doing one hell of a job.

Thank you, levitt, thank you.