05x20 - Open House

[bunniefuu]

Why do we have to have
an open house for anyway?

We're not a school.

Just a bunch of people
traipsing in here asking questions.

And, you know, we're trying
to get some work done.

Actually, the concept
of an open house

Is quite sound and
potentially beneficial.

Uh, excuse me. I
think I hear my tea.

One of the main problems in
police/community relations

Is that the police
often seem remote

And thus a little frightening
to the general public.

This will give them
the opportunity

To come in here, see how
we work, where we work,

Thus alleviating their fears

And correcting misconceptions.

Well, I cleaned up the
interrogation room.

Good. Did you put
away the whips?

- Sure.
- Good move.

You work and you sweat

And you try and do your best,

And you end up
putting out doughnuts.

Lousy bucks to
feed a hundred people.

That you, levitt?

Look, I'm in charge of the
refreshments for this thing.

Just laying out a little
buffet for the guests.

Just lovely.

I got some, uh,
cocktail wieners,

Saltines and chips,
peanut butter,

Horseradish dip, and
a bowl of chee-tos.

Ah, no paté?

Paté? What's that?

Probably means
the paté de foie gras.

French delicacy
made from goose liver.

What is it... Kind of like spam?

Pretty much.

I got to go back down there.

All right.

I'll be going out
a little later.

Maybe I'll pick up
some of that paté.

It should be next to the spam.

Thanks.

Th precinct.
Sergeant dietrich.

Ah, everything
looks pretty good.

Morning, gentlemen.

- Morning, barn.
- Barn.

Hey, what you got there?

Oh, just some things...
A couple of suits.

Oh, gonna make a
wardrobe change?

No.

I considered it.

Going to the cleaners?

As a matter of fact, I'm, uh...

Moving out of my hotel room.

To another hotel room?

No.

Uh... For everyone's
information,

I am moving back
into my apartment.

Hey!

- Beautiful!
- All right!

Mrs. Miller gonna be there?

Yes, of course.

- Great.
- All right.

Look, we got a
lot of work to do,

And there's gonna be a lot
of people traipsing in and out,

- So let's get to it.
- Okay, wait a minute.

I want to say
one thing before...

Uh, that the whole
time, you know,

Even when things
were at their worst,

I knew you guys were
gonna get back together.

Ah, so did i.

Well, I appreciate your support

Over these last few weeks.

May I say something?

Sure.

We got a fire down at the docks.

Who? What? Where?

Warehouse at pier .

Another arson?

Same area as last time.

All right, you and wojo.

You know, barney,
sometimes I wish

I could carry all my
wardrobe in just one hand.

Maybe someday.

Wojo and dietrich
still out, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Who's responsible for that?

Levitt.

Uh, open house been going okay?

Been able to handle the
crush pretty well so far.

Nobody showed up?

Hm-mm.

It's still early.

Yeah.

Maybe that's someone rsvp'ing.

Welcome to the th.

Sergeant harris.

Oh, yeah, just a moment.

It's, uh, mr. Sylvester,
returning your call.

The assistant manager
over at the hotel.

Oh, yes, mr. Sylvester.

Um... Yes, i-i just
called to inform you

That I am, uh,
checking out today.

I'll be dropping off the key
a little later this afternoon.

Yes, one other thing, please...

Uh, I've paid my bill
for the entire month,

So I'd appreciate it if you'd
arrange to have the refund...

Did I say something funny?

No, sir, I was not informed
regarding that policy.

Look, mr. Sylvester,

This is a significant
amount of money!

Yeah, well, I
would appreciate it

If you would have the
manager call me, please.

And you tell him that I have
a certain amount of legal...

Hello? Hello?!

Laughing with you, not at you.

Subtle difference.

Put a lid on it, will ya?
Come on, come on, come on.

You are my servants.

I don't understand why
you people are doing this.

It's irrational.

We're psycho cops.

This is gregory bickman.

Dr. Bickman.

I found him nosing
around the pier.

And he had no explanation
for what he was doing there.

I was doing research.

He's a shrink.

I am a doctor of psychiatry.

Arson is what we in psychiatry
call a societal abreaction.

Yeah, well, we don't.

All right, wojo.

Doctor, I'm captain miller.

How do you do?

Doctor, we're just
laymen here, so, uh...

An abreaction is the
releasing of repressed emotion

By reliving, in word or action,

The original
traumatic situation.

Exactly!

It was a lucky guess.

So, you see, I was
there simply to observe

The reactions and the
behavior of people who set fires.

Did you observe any?

No.

Unfortunately, I was
the only one there.

Fortunately.

When we came up to
him, he started running.

Flight is a universal
response to the unknown.

Right?

Why are you asking me?

Doctor, I think, under
the circumstances,

We're gonna have to
detain you for a while.

I swear... I had nothing
to do with the fire.

Have a seat, doc.

Why? Am I being charged?

Sergeant wojciehowicz is
just gonna take your statement.

There's nothing
that I can tell you!

Even if I wanted to.

W... I can't.

Have a seat, doctor, will you?

You're in private
practice, doctor?

Yes.

I take it you have all
different kinds of patients?

Yes, mental illness
doesn't play favorites.

I mean, uh,
lawyers... Teachers...

Housewives, and,
uh, stockbrokers.

Arsonists?

Damn, he's perceptive.

Arsonists.

All right, doctor.

You see, uh, I've been
treating this man for months.

And he has a
psychosexual blockage

Which he sublimates
through fire-setting.

Now, you're certain
he set this fire?

Yes, this one and more
before in the same area.

So, we had a
session this morning.

I followed him down,
but I was too late.

Don't worry about it,
doc. What's his name?

- I beg your pardon?
- His name.

Oh, no. Oh, I pass on that.

You can't pass on that!

Take it easy.

Captain, there is a
doctor/patient privilege.

And I understand
it and I respect it,

But you must see

That we're dealing here
with criminal behavior.

I'm afraid that is irrelevant
from my point of view.

Somebody could have got k*lled!

Believe me, the man
is conscientious,

Which is a result of
excessive mothering.

Who cares?

Uh, doctor...

Look, doctor, we
appreciate your dilemma,

But you have to
appreciate ours, as well.

I sympathize with you, captain.

I invoke confidentiality.

That didn't work for nixon,

And it ain't gonna work for you.

Uh, wojo, why don't you
check the arson files?

See what you can come up with.

That was a priest or something.

Sergeant dietrich will
take your statement.

I told you... No, no,
nothing unethical...

Just name, business
address, that kind of thing.

But it's a very complex case.

We'll confer over here.

Anybody downstairs?

Cops.

I'm sure glad I didn't buy
anything special for today.

I spent an extra
half-hour figuring out what to wear.

Never enough time, is there?

Must be getting near lunch.

That dip is starting
to look good to me.

Hiya.

Hello.

Here for the open house.

Oh! Yes!

Welcome, welcome.

I'm captain miller.

Yeah.

Uh, this is sergeant harris.

Sergeant wojciehowicz.

Um, you are?

Ray.

Nice to meet you, ray.

That food for anybody?

Help yourself.

Thanks.

You guys are doing
a wonderful job.

You're too kind.

That where you
lock up the... Sure is.

If you have any other
questions, feel free to ask them.

That coffee fresh?

Be my guest.

Beautiful.

Th precinct. Wojciehowicz.

Where?

Did anybody get hurt?

Okay, thanks.

Barn, it's another
fire at pier .

In one day?

I thought we were
making progress.

Yeah, well, guys got
stuck inside this time.

They just barely got out.

All right, doctor.

All right, now we have
a direct thr*at to life!

But this isn't like him.

Honestly, he's a very
decent human being.

I'm sure he's a wonderful guy,

But, you know, if he
keeps setting these fires,

Somebody's gonna wind up dead!

I-i-i know that, but we're
talking about a sacred trust.

To which there are
exceptions, am I not correct?

That is true, but...

Mmm!

Vincent carew, morris
hotel! I'm pretty sure.

All right, dietrich, wojo.

Oh, god.

Ohh.

Thank you, doctor.

I guess I'll be going now.

Glad you could drop in, ray.

Sure.

Listen, you guys keep
up the good work.

We're % behind you.

Thanks.

Let's do it again... Real soon.

- Afternoon, sir.
- Levitt.

Just checking to be sure

That the open house is
going smoothly up here.

Oh, very smoothly.

Oh, sir, I hope you don't mind

If I take the liberty of saying

How personally thrilled I am.

About what?

The resumption of
your marital status.

Levitt, my marital
status has never changed.

Sir, I didn't mean to imply
that you weren't married,

Simply that for a period of time

You had to do without the
usual marital pleasures.

Like, uh, home cooking.

I mean, there's nothing
like home cooking, right?

Mm-hmm.

I'll, uh, I'll freshen
up the chee-tos, sir.

- Huh?
- You do that.

Don't be embarrassed, captain.

It's epidemic.

What is?

The breakup of
the nuclear family.

Oh, well, we were only...

We were only
separated temporarily.

As a matter of fact,
I'm moving back in today.

I wish you luck.

I suppose you people
know better than anyone

The difficulty of
maintaining a relationship.

I've been divorced five years.

I wasn't referring
specifically to...

That's all right, all right.

The more complex and
frenetic this society becomes,

The more I am beginning to doubt

Any kind of long-term
relationship is possible.

Well, but I mean if
two people realize that

And are willing to
maintain a certain respect...

I wish someone had
told my wife that.

I mean, with her, it was
all self-gratification.

There was no concern
with my aspirations

Or my needs at all.

Sorry.

"Why aren't you on
central park south

Like everyone else?"

That's what she
used to say to me.

Really?

I certainly
appreciate the advice.

Sure.

This is your detectives' room.

Bunch of wonderful guys up here.

Captain, I brought a
couple of friends...

Two of your biggest supporters.

How do you do?

Is the buffet still open?

Help yourself.

Very authentic.

Salt of the earth.

All right, carew, jeez.

"I want to help you, vincent.

I'm your friend.
Trust me, vincent."

You trust somebody,
and what do you get?

Another day older
and deeper in debt.

You imagine it.

Hello, vincent.

You told!

I didn't want
to, vincent, but...

You stink, you know that?

- Under the circumstances...
- You stink, too!

Transference.

Barn, we got him
coming out of his hotel,

And he had this box
of goodies with him.

Kerosene, lighter fluid,
heavy asbestos gloves,

Matches, blistex.

I got tender lips, but I'm
sure he told you that already.

- Of course I didn't.
- Why not?!

I'll bet you told them
everything else by now!

I did not.

All about my sex
hang-ups... Filthy dreams...

How I stutter in front
of beautiful women.

That is not true.

Okay! All women!

Vincent, will you
please try to calm...

Did he fill you in
on my childhood?

- Stop it!
- Believe me, he...

I wet my bed till I was !

You're the arsonist.

Aha!

- I-i-i...
- All right, all right.

Mr. Carew, just have a
seat over here, please.

Sergeant wojciehowicz will
get the information from you,

And then you'll be able
to call your attorney.

You know I can't
talk on the phone!

Oh, right, I forgot.

Uh, we'll work something out.

Uh, dr. Bickman,

It really won't be necessary
for you to stay any longer.

We'll contact
you if we need you.

Oh?

No, you're free to go.

Am I really?

Yes.

Free?

Free.

I think that's an
obsolete concept.

Don't you?

Just a moment. Barney.

Uh, excuse me.

Am I really free?

Is any one of us
really free anymore?

As far as the police
department is concerned...

You're free.

Literalist.

Uh, it's mr. Waldo,

The manager at the
greenwich hotel.

- Oho!
- This should be a good one.

I better take this in my office.

Oh, sure. Not in
front of company.

Date of birth?

Uh... October , .

I can save you the arithmetic.

I stopped wetting
the bed in ' .

Nobody cares.

Maybe not now.

Occupation?

Uh...

Assistant shipping clerk,
cameo brassiere company.

He said it would be good for me.

Told me I had to open up
more, reach out, trust people.

Now, vincent, I am very
sorry for what happened,

But you are not the only person
in this world with problems.

How do you spell "brassiere"?

"B"...

Never mind, never
mind, I'll abbreviate it.

Vincent, will you
listen to me, please?

I have fears and
anxieties of my own.

I have guilt of my own.

I... God, I've got
guilt of my own!

It's just that I was
making progress.

I really felt like I
was getting better.

You were! You certainly were.

I didn't tell you...

But this girl at the office...

I asked her out with me.

Oh, vincent, that's marvelous.

She won't go, but I asked her!

Oh, that's the important part.

Right!

This ain't your office, doc.

Um, vincent, I want
you to keep seeing me.

But I'm gonna be in jail, right?

Hopefully.

All right, then! I
will come to you.

Okay?

I don't care.

But I do.

Do you mind?

All right.

Vincent, I will
see you very soon.

Goodbye.

Oh, thank you, sergeant.

Don't worry, doc,
I'll keep an eye on him.

You know, uh, you have a very
interesting way with people...

Very analytical and detached.

I think you could make a
very excellent psychiatrist.

No, no, no, I don't
have the patience.

Well, believe me,

Patience takes a good
while to accumulate,

But once you have
it, you... See you, doc.

Look, I only paid
that bill in advance

For your convenience, not mine!

Mr. Waldo, the fact is,

You're not going to have any
difficulty re-renting that room.

Well, wait a minute,

That means you're gonna
be getting double rent?!

You guys do an awful lot of
laughing down there, don't you?

Look, uh...

H-hold the phone,
will you? Just hold on.

Can I help you?

Oh, no, no. Just browsing.

You go right ahead
with what you're doing.

Thank you.

Look, mr. Waldo,

I was hoping that, as
rational human beings...

That is your final word?

I should have known better
than to check into a hotel

That's been busted
times for prostitution!

Never mind how I know!

You just get ready for a
letter from my lawyer...

Hello? Hello?!

Excuse me!

That's nice material.

All right, all
right, out of here!

- Let's get going!
- Sure, sure, sure.

Okay, everybody.

Gentlemen, that's
it, open house is over.

I thought it was until : .

Nice to meet you, but
we've got work to do.

I ain't finished my platter yet.

Everybody out!

Hey, sure, I mean, we
was leaving anyway.

Sorry if we made
any trouble for you.

I mean, we just thought
"open house" meant,

You know, open house.

That's the way it is. Let's go.

Listen, it was real
nice meeting you guys.

Keep sh**t' straight.

Let's go.

Wait a minute.

Where, uh, where
you guys going now?

Oh, we got places. Don't worry.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Here.

What's that?

That's a key to a room
at the greenwich hotel.

Rent is paid till the
end of the month.

You guys can stay there.

- Oh, boy!
- Thanks!

That include room service?

Whatever you can get.

Hot dogs!

You, uh, sure you
won't be needing this?

No, that's all right.

I've made other arrangements
for a place to sleep.

Okay.

Well, take care of yourself.

Nice to meet you, ray.

And... See you next year.

Barney, that was beautiful.

Well, the... Place was empty.

I wasn't using it.

I would have
done exactly the same thing.

I admire you, captain.

It isn't very often a
person has a chance

To do something for
his fellow human beings...

And stick it to a
hotel at the same time.

Just putting it in perspective.

Thank you, dietrich.

Paté!

Must have been out of spam.