06x01 - Inquisition

[bunniefuu]

Anything interesting?

Just reading this
article on salt.

Oh?

The seasoning or the treaty?

- The treaty.
- Oh.

How do you feel about it?

Are you for it or against it?

Well, it's a pretty
complex issue.

But I think a lot of people

Would like to see the
end of the arms race...

Salt won't do that. Even
its proponents agree

That it'll give the
united states and russia

The theoretical
ability to accumulate

Almost ,
nuclear warheads...

More than twice
the current total.

Well, it could slow it down.

That's true. I think the
bottom line on any treaty

Is whether compliance
can be verified.

Well, that's
certainly an aspect.

Take the issue of telemetry
encryption, for example.

The soviets are saying

That the encoded
stream of binary bits

Are irrelevant
to u.s. Verification.

We're demanding access
to a portion of the stream.

You are familiar with
the term pedantic?

Yes.

You know, klnowledge
is a wonderful thing,

But it really isn't necessary
to overwhelm people with it.

Sometimes a little feigned
ignorance can be very handy

In day-to-day
social intercourse.

Gotcha.

Mistake.

Just keep moving, beatty.

Give me a break. I've been sick.

What do you got?

I don't know. I think
it might be social.

Knock it off.

Captain, this is joseph beatty.

He tried to sell me
these. Uppers, most likely.

How was I supposed
to know he was a cop?

I thought you people
had height requirements.

Sit down over there.

That doesn't bother
me anymore, sir.

Nor should it, levitt.

Uh, sir, you, uh, think I
look "street" enough?

Uh, yes,

I-i can certainly
picture you in the street.

Thank you, sir.

I'll send these to the lab.

Yes, harris?

I may never wear denim again.

What do you have?

Uh, this is, uh, louise myers.

A man with a camera
approached her in the bar

At the greenwich hotel.

He said he was a
professional photographer.

With vogue.

He told her he wanted to
get some pictures of her,

Said he was fascinated by
her "unique bone structure."

Then he insisted that
she go across the street

Into the park with him.

The light was better there.

Anyway, when he found
an isolated spot with her,

He grabbed her
purse and jewelry.

He wasn't from vogue.

I would seriously doubt it.

I mean, I'm usually
much more careful.

It's just that he
had a way about him.

I mean, he was... He was quite
attractive and very sensuous.

I mean, different
than you and me.

We'll have you look
at some pictures.

Maybe we'll get lucky.

Harris, would you
get some mug books?

Oh, for you and her, sure.

All right, look, you... You
just go sit down, all right?

Thanks.

Oh, I got another one.

What's the problem?

Come here.

He... He's being belligerent.

Hi.

He... He's got no i.d.

I cannot get a name out of him.

I've been talking at
him for over an hour.

I'm captain miller.

Nice to meet you.

Yes, and you're mr., Uh...

It's worth a try.

What's the charge?

Uh, as*ault and
disorderly conduct.

He's just asking to
get himself hurt, barn.

He was scolding a bunch
of pimps over on th avenue.

They were debasing the harlots.

He talks like that a lot.

We're gonna find
out who you are.

If you're trying
to hide something,

We'll find out if you're wanted.

That's why I'm here.

Just sit down.

Thanks.

Well, it's a challenge.

Is the coffee fresh?

Damned if I know.

Okay, we're going in the cage.

Look, can't you bend a little?

I mean, one little
conviction for pushing.

I could go in for life.

You should have thought of that

Before you started
peddling death.

Come on, I'm talking eternity,
you're giving me clichés.

Better late than never.

Hmm?

Are all criminals ugly?

Well, it's not a prerequisite.

Although it helps.

I'm never gonna
find him in here.

Let's just keep a
good thought, huh?

Do you have anything
on wayward gentlemen?

In hard-cover or paperback?

Sooner or later, we're
gonna find out who you are.

You really want to know?

I'm not busting my
chops for nothing.

All right.

"All right" what?
You gonna tell me?

Sure.

I need your full name.

Jesus christ.

J-e... Now, look it!

You might think that
you're real funny,

But I'm getting a
little bit fed up with...

Ah-choo!

God bless you.

You don't mind, do you?

Know who he says he is?

I give up.

Jesus christ.

The famous one?

And I think he really means it.

Well, this should
really break up our day.

A real fruitcake, huh, barn?

A real fruitcake.

He's got a good
look for it, though.

Want some, uh, tea? Coffee?

Do you have wine?

Afraid not.

Thanks anyway.

Yeah, sure.

I'm jesus christ.

Ron harris. Nice to meet you.

Hey, I'm back.

So am i.

See what I mean?

Look, uh...
Just call me jesus.

- Have a seat, jesus.
- Thank you.

I'm sure you can appreciate
the difficulty we're having

In accepting this
just on your say-so.

Of course, but I am
christ, and I am back.

For any particular reason?

The parousia.

I'm afraid I'm not
familiar with that term.

You will be.

Uh... Dietrich.

Oh, are you talking to me?

Uh...

Do happen to know
what the parousia is?

Yes, I do.

Well?

I don't want to be pedantic.

Dietrich!

"Parousia" is the term
used in the new testament

For the second coming of christ

In which he'll judge
those left on earth

And then end the world.

Is that what you had in mind?

We've already had the apostasy.

The desertion of
faith and moral values,

Worshipping of the antichrist

In the form of materialism
and carnal pleasures,

The presence of global
famine and regional wars.

It's said when all those
things come to pass,

Christ will reappear
on earth and then bingo...

Judgment day.

Uh, thank you.

I can't hold a grudge.

Well, this is all
very, uh, revealing,

But, uh...

I'm afraid we're still
gonna have to book you.

How?

I mean, if he keeps this up...

Do the best you can.

Next of kin?

It's a bit complicated.

Uh, yeah.

I mean, after the
concert, I figure we,

Uh, you know, we head
back up to my place.

Well, I'll make us a
little dinner, and, uh...

I got a bottle of ' beaujolais
I might be persuaded to open.

After dinner?

Well, I got a couple ideas.

Uh, backgammon.

Yeah, well, uh, you know how
to play backgammon, right?

Uh-huh.

Yeah, yeah.

Uh, look, I've got to go now.

Yeah, I'll get back to you. Bye.

How's it going, woj?

Well, I'm sort of
finished with his booking.

Oh, you get a
statement from him?

Pages.

Well, he has been
gone a long time.

It's sort of, uh...

Wojo's epistle to
the manhattanites.

I'm gonna take him down
for pictures and prints.

Fine.

Let's go.

Got it.

Barn, a call from dispatch.

There's a man with a camera
just tried to mug a lady

Over in the pierce hotel
that could be our man.

Was he good-looking?

Take, uh, levitt.

Like that?

Afraid so.

Be careful. He can
be very persuasive.

Uh-huh.

Uh... Captain? Daily
news on the phone.

Wants to confirm that
we're holding jesus christ.

How did they find out about him?

Oh, uh, I thought it would make

A cute human-interest
story, sir.

Oh, yes, I can see
where "god arrested"

Might pique the
public's curiosity.

No, I'm afraid i... I
have nothing to add.

No, I have not.

But believe me, if I do,

You'll be the first
to hear about it.

You're most welcome.

He wanted to know if I
witnessed any miracles.

It's a slow news day.

You got another reporter at - .

The word of god gets around.

Well, I'm... I'm gonna have
to put you in the cage now.

Sorry to put you
to so much trouble.

Oh, it's okay.

You people have been
much nicer than last time.

Uh... New regulations.

Hey, come on. What are
you putting him in here for?

Just shut up.

Some kind of test
to see if he's violent?

You behave yourself.

How you doing?

Oh, oh.

Ohh.

Just stuff all over me.

Yeah, it's messy work.

You know, i-i know
the guy's a fruitcake,

But I can't help feeling
like I'm betraying him.

Listen, don't let it get to
you. You're just doing your job.

My job?

Yeah.

I'm gonna go wash my hands.

There's certainly
precedent for it.

So, what happened
to all your friends?

Those guys who used
to tag along with you?

The apostles?

Gone fishing, huh?

No, they're dead.

Yeah, right.

Of course, I have been thinking
I might need a new hand or two.

Oh, hey, I would love to help
you out, but can't you see?

I'm booked up for
the next , years.

That's too bad.

Unless, of course,

You'd like to work one
of your miracles for me.

You know, like the time when
you made all those sandwiches?

How about it?

All right.

Yeah?

Hey.

Hey, did you hear that?

Jesus is gonna fix it for me,

So why don't you just let
me out right now? Come on.

Sit down and shut up.

Infidel, huh?

Hmm?

I, uh, checked, uh,
missing persons and,

Uh, the mental
institutions and hospitals.

So far, zilch.

Well, the man just didn't
magically appear on th avenue.

Probably not.

Better call bellevue.

Bellevue?

Yeah.

You know, uh,
barn, um, you know,

When you think about
it, uh, the whole...

The whole basis of
christianity is that...

Is that when the world
gets so screwed up,

Christ is gonna reappear
and, uh, judge everybody,

And then the world will blow up.

Well, I mean, the way
things are today...

There's no reason
that couldn't be him.

Wojo, this is really
not my area of expertise.

Oh, god. You're jewish.

That's not what I meant.

- I just forgot, barn.
- It's okay, wojo.

I don't even know
why I brought it up.

Wojo, it's okay!

I mean...

It's not something that
comes up on the job every day.

Right.

Right, I mean, it's not
like you're ever leaving

To go to synagogue or, uh,
big on observing the holy days.

Well, I do... In my way.

Well, but you
never wear the hat.

I have one!

I'm not criticizing, barn.

Hey, I'm not much
of a catholic, either.

I haven't been to
mass in three years.

Yeah, there are
some people that, uh...

People like you and me...

Who are just not geared
for institutionalized,

Organized ritual.

We, uh, we put more import on
how we conduct our daily lives

And how we deal with
our fellow human beings

Than we do on formal gesture.

Got your speech all ready, huh?

Okay, you want to
step inside here, please?

Of course.

That's him.

No.

Barney!

Got him.

That's him?

That's our sensuous thief?

Feel better, huh?

You're beneath contempt!

I was hoping to see
you again, louise.

Hey. Hey.

Captain, this is gilbert letier.

He approached a waitress
in the hotel coffee shop

And made the same proposal
that he did to miss myers,

And then...

She became suspicious,
and he ran out of the shop.

We apprehended him in
the hotel elevator, sir.

Thank you.

Miss myers, uh, can you
make a positive identification?

Is this the man
that, uh, robbed you?

- A waitress?
- Miss myers, please.

Yes, that's him.

Have a seat, please.

We'll type up a
statement to that effect,

And you can sign it.

Happily.

Harris, you want to,
uh, take care of mr., Uh...

Letier.

It's french. My father
was a legionnaire.

None of that.

Take a seat.

I'll, uh, tag this, sir.

Good.

Sir, a reporter was looking
at the blotter, downstairs.

I... I happened to mention it.

Levitt, anything that
happens in this room

Is privileged information.

Yes, sir. I apologize.

I guess I was just, uh...

Thinking about the
people's right to know.

Well, that's certainly
a, uh... Consideration,

But in the future, should
another "cute" story pop up,

I'd appreciate it if you
were a bit more circumspect.

Understood?

Sit on it, sir.

I beg your pardon?

The story...
I'll sit on it, sir.

You do that.

Place of birth?

Newark.

The french section.

Oh, of course.

Date of birth?

Hey!

Oh, i... I'm sorry.
I... I was distracted.

June , .

Occupation?

Photographer.

Please.

Well, I was.

So what happened?

My pony d*ed.

Yes.

Bellevue says
they're ready for him.

Okay, why don't you deliver him?

Take him over.

Sure.

I finished reading
the statement.

Uh-huh?

May I have a pen?

My pleasure.

Louise, I sincerely hope
my inexcusable behavior

Doesn't keep you from pursuing a
career in professional modeling.

Just stop it, please!

No, really... I'm nobody's fool!

I live alone, too.

You want to sign
right there, please?

Something the matter?

It's just that gilbert
really seems to be sorry.

Come on. Don't do that.

I know, but he...

I had to type all that, louise.

Is there a problem here?

She's changing her mind.

Miss myers, is this the
man that mugged you?

Yes.

You're gonna sign that
statement to that effect?

I... I don't know
what I should do.

I... I'm biased, louise.

Miss myers...

If you don't sign
that statement,

Not only will my men have
wasted a great deal of time,

But mr. Letier will be free
to go back out on the street

And possibly do the same
thing to some other woman.

And if you don't
sign that statement,

You may never see him again.

Thank you, louise.

Goodbye.

See you in court.

Looking forward to it.

Yes, but I don't understand.

Yes.

Yes.

No, you're the experts.

Sir?

That was the lab.

They finished analyzing
the dr*gs from beatty.

And?

It was baking soda.

My god, you're kidding!

- Any warrants out on him?
- No, sir.

Turn him loose.

But it was a good bust.

It happens, levitt.

Beatty.

Come on. Let's go.

Where are we going?

To the hospital.

I'm not sick.

I know.

We're going anyway.

Here we go, barn.

I see.

I guess I'll be seeing
some psychiatrist.

Uh, yes, more than likely.

Do you think I'm crazy?

Well, I would hesitate
to use that word,

But, uh...

I can envision a situation
where someone seeing

All the suffering and
injustice in this world

Might want to end it so badly
that he could convince himself

That he is actually someone
capable of doing just that.

Or not.

Say, barn, uh, since
it's almost : ,

How about if I check out
and drop him on the way home?

Okay, fine. Goodbye.

Look forward to
seeing you again, captain.

I hope under more
pleasant circumstances.

We'll see.

How about this, captain?

Yeah, we're through.

All right. Sign this,
and get out of here!

You betcha.

You were very lucky
this time, beatty.

Obviously, your supplier
was ripping you off,

But I wouldn't count
on that luck all the time.

Where did you say
you were sending him?

Bellevue.

Thanks. Bless you.

One down, to go.

I take it that's, uh,

A humorous reference
to the apostles?

Something like that.

And I'm sure you're prepared

With many more
biblical allusions?

Yeah.

Unfortunately, it's
almost check-out time,

So I'm afraid we're just
gonna have to forego them.

I guess so. I'll see
you tomorrow, then.

Okay.

You doing anything for supper?

Gotcha.