06x10 - The DNA Story

[bunniefuu]

- I was sort of dozing...
- Mm-hmm.

When suddenly I felt
a hand on my body.

Yeah?

- Caressing...
- Mm-hmm.

Fondling.

I opened my eyes a little.

I'm sure I saw him touching me.

Is this your regular dentist?

No. It was only my
second appointment.

He was well
recommended by a friend.

She said he did wonderful work.

I just assumed she was
talking about dentistry.

I... Have... Had it!

Morning, harris.

Barney, I'm telling you,
I'm beginning to wonder

How anything ever gets
done in this country.

I was beginning to
wonder that myself.

Incompetence is epidemic.

For example?

Barn, look at this.

That's supposed to be the
cover for "blood on the badge."

I mean, the publisher sent
that over for approval?

Sure eye-catching.

Barney, look at it.

I mean, the title is... It's
hemorrhaging all over my name.

Graphics are a bit less
than subtle, I grant you that.

I mean, you try and write a
sensitive, contemporary book,

And some morbid cretin
pours a pail of blood all over it.

Harris, the title
does suggest...

Barney, look at this
photograph of me.

I mean, first of all,
it's in black and white.

I mean, I look all grainy.
The lighting's all screwed up.

You don't smoke a pipe.

Oh, that.

Well, you know, sometimes
in a pensive mood, I kind of...

I think I feel one
coming on now.

Captain?

That's miss evelyn swofford.

Miss swofford?

She thinks her dentist
took advantage of her

While she was under the gas.

Oh, you're kidding?

Sort of oral high jinks.

All right, this
is captain miller.

Miss swofford.

I feel so embarrassed.

Oh, please, there's
no reason to.

Oh, you mean, this has
happened to other women?

Uh, actually, you're our first.

I am?

I'm afraid this is a whole
new category of crime,

As far as we're concerned.

You don't think they'll
name it after me, do you?

I don't think you have
to worry about that.

Dietrich, do you need miss
swofford for anything?

No, I don't.

Uh, we'll check into it

And let you know
if anything turns up.

Thank you.

Take care of yourself.

I'll run a check on the doc,

See if he has a record of
any prior swoffordings.

Bye again.

Yeah, I know. I got it.

Barn, there's a disturbance

At a coffee shop over
on west broadway.

Uh, you and harris.

Harris, come on. We got a call.

Yeah, sure.

What's this?

Yeah. Do you believe that?

I like it.

It's kind of messy, but it
sure gets your attention.

Yeah. That's true.

Who's that guy with the pipe?

Oh, man.

- Morning.
- Morning.

Can I help you?

Are you captain miller?

No, I'm sergeant
arthur dietrich.

And you are?

Looking for captain miller.

Right.

Uh, captain, there's
somebody to see you.

- Oh, who?
- Very funny.

- Captain miller?
- Yes?

Sergeant holly
scofield, manhattan south.

Ah.

I've been temporarily assigned
to the th as per your request.

Right. Glad to have you with us.

I go where I'm told.

We're glad anyway.

My temporary transfer orders,

Along with a copy
of my service record.

Seven years on the force,
three in plain clothes,

Various commendations.

Any cavities?

Two and an impacted
wisdom tooth.

Good, good.

Uh, you are aware of the
nature of this assignment?

I'm posing as a
dental patient, right?

Right, and we have
reason to believe

That our dentist
might become a bit, uh...

Horny?

Allegedly, yes.

Okay.

- No problem with that?
- No.

You?

No.

- Dietrich?
- Not me.

Would you review the
complaint with sergeant scofield?

Sure, sure, sure.

Hey. I'm arthur. Remember me?

Want to sit over there?

Mr. Crichton, right this way.

After me, who will be next...

Whistlers, hummers,
people who tap their feet?

If necessary.

Barn, this is henry crichton.

We picked him up at
the hudson river café

For disorderly conduct
and disturbing the peace.

That's an opinion.

He was seated at
the lunch counter

Making annoying, crass,
and obscene noises.

Who said that?

I did.

Barn, what it is, he's
making these sounds

Like they used to
do in gym class.

You know, with
your hands like that?

Not like that.

Well, uh, just show him.

Check this out.

Barn, can we put the
cuffs back on him?

Uh, mr. Crichton,
we get the point.

This is no schoolboy vulgarism.

I am a trained musician.

He was serenading the room

With tchaikovsky's
" overture."

- It's a very difficult piece.
- Hmm.

When he got to the
cannon sequence,

It apparently was too much
for some of the less hardy diners,

So the manager asked him
to stop and a scuffle ensued.

He tried to make
me put on my mittens.

And he absolutely
refused to stop... Playing,

So the manager is
pressing charges.

Sir, my art is my life.

Well, we're going to have
to book you, mr. Crichton.

- Harris?
- Oh, barney.

I'll take it.

I don't mind.

Come on over here.

Oh, no, no, : would be fine.

Excuse me.

Yeah, I'm very grateful that
the doctor could squeeze me in.

Okay. See you in a little while.

Can I help you?

No.

This is my desk.

Oh. Sorry.

You know, you really
shouldn't read this sort of trash.

Oh, I don't. I write it.

Captain?

I've got a : appointment.

Oh, fine. You two have met?

Oh, we chatted.

- Wojo?
- Yeah?

Sergeant wojciehowicz,
this is sergeant scofield.

She's going to be with us
on temporary assignment.

Oh, good.

Uh, good to have you with us.

And, uh, it's nice
to see a friendly...

I'm leaving now.

Uh, fine. Don't forget to, uh...

I'll arrange a
backup downstairs.

Good, uh, anything
else you need?

Yeah.

I'd like to brush my teeth.

Oh. Thanks.

It was nice meeting you all.

Goodbye.

We supposed to be here
when she comes out?

Hey, look, this book is a
serious piece of literature.

You've got it packaged like
a pound of ground round.

Yeah.

Well, look, I want
those ghouls in graphics

To make some changes.

Man, what do you mean,

There's some christmas
books ahead of me?

You can bloody up frosty
the snowman some other time.

- Scofield check in yet?
- Nope.

Maybe she'll drop us a card.

Excuse me.

I'll forward it.

All through the ages,

The great musical
innovators have been ridiculed.

Yeah, I got to put
you in the cage.

Schubert, stravinsky,
tchaikovsky.

Listen, what you
do is real cute,

But it doesn't
make you a genius.

Cute?

This is art, buddy!

Pbht!

That's pretty good.

Thank you.

Hi.

Hello.

I'm back.

You can come all the way in.

Oh, sure.

Ah, ah, how'd it go?

Hi.

I'm back.

Maybe you better sit down.

Could I sit down?

- Uh, come on in my office.
- Okay.

Is it much farther?

We'll be there very soon.

Okay. Just sit
down, take it easy.

Just relax for a little while.

- I'm fine.
- Just take it easy.

I'm fine.

- You sure?
- Uh-huh.

Okay.

What happened?

He filled these two...

And then he checked
my wisdom tooth.

That's it?

I may need a root canal.

I meant, other than
dental problems.

His hands never left my mouth.

You're certain?

I mean, maybe with the
gas, something happened?

Nothing was moved.

And I stayed alert for any
sensation, but it never came.

Well, we gave it a sh*t.

I think that, uh, your lady

Was just a little
overstimulated by the gas

And... Imagined that the
doctor's feelings were mutual.

You're probably right.

I mean, you know, nitrous oxide

Does have an...
Arousing effect...

On many people.

Well, we gave it a sh*t.

- Nice picture.
- Hmm?

Your family?

Maybe you better sit down.

Just... Just take it easy.

Here you go. Okay, just...

You're quite good-looking.

Just...

Uh, yes, dietrich?

You want me to come back later?

What is it?

Got a call from
dr. Gesslin's office.

For me?

He made a move on a
lady after scofield.

Huh.

He did it to somebody else?

Just take it easy,
just take it easy.

But I gave him
every opportunity.

I'm sure you did.

I mean, I try to be
an attractive target,

Eat right, exercise every day.

And it shows, it shows.

Uh, you and harris.

What about me?

You're beautiful.

All right, just sit
down. Take it easy.

Just sit down.

Wojo.

It's him.

I figured that out for myself.

It's kind of pretty.

Well, for what it sounds like.

Uh, mr. Crichton,
mr. Crichton, do you mind?

Oh, you don't like classical?

Well, I can do show tunes.

Mr. Crichton,

It's not a question of
your choice of material.

Mr. Crichton, it's just
that certain sounds

Are subject to
individual tastes.

- So?
- So cut it out!

Look, really, you're
making a horrible mistake.

- Get over it.
- I dropped a gold filling.

I was just looking for it.

You know what gold
goes for these days?

- Tell him.
- I'm captain miller.

Oh, that mrs. Palmquist.

She'll say anything
to get attention.

Very sad case... Widow,
lonely, bad gums.

Doctor, this is not the
first complaint we've had.

Captain, this is an
occupational hazard.

Medical men get accused of
this sort of thing all the time.

I mean, how many complaints
have there been before this, huh?

Five, six?

One.

Oh, that's not so bad.

Technician walked in on
him. Caught him red-handed.

That was lavoris.

Harris is getting
their statements.

I'll take the doc's. You
want to have a seat?

Hey, what's she doing here?

I never laid a hand on that one.

No one said you did.

I swear I didn't touch her.

All right, they heard
you the first time.

This is sergeant scofield.

She's a policewoman.

Hmm.

Have a seat, doc.
This won't hurt a bit.

After you.

You okay?

I'll just write up my report.

You can use this desk.

- Hi.
- Ah, how'd it go?

Oh, fine.

I got statements
from the receptionist,

The nurse, the
technician, and the victim.

That was fast.

Well, yeah, barn, you know
how people like to talk.

I mean, they just
ramble on and on,

Using entire sentences when
one well-chosen word will suffice.

- So?
- I won't stand for that.

By the by, barn, I've got to
get some new photographs,

You know, for the book cover,

So I was wondering

If maybe I could leave
half an hour early today.

Oh, uh... No. How was that?

You know, maybe I wouldn't
be doing this sort of thing

If I got a little respect.

I need your full name.

Richard p. Gesslin... Dds.

But oh, no. All I
get are wisecracks.

"Maybe you'd better
gargle, dr. Gesslin."

"Take a little off
the side, dr. Gesslin."

Business address?

A half hour ago, it
was sixth avenue.

You got to understand.

It's hard for me to meet people,

Make social contacts
in the normal way.

It's not surprising.

People tend to socially
ostracize dentists

Because they associate
them so closely

With pain and discomfort.

- Right.
- Ow.

Not so easy, is it?

Yeah.

Uh, crichton's got no priors,

So I'll just issue

A desk-appearance
ticket and let him go?

Fine.

Barney, he isn't that bad a guy.

No one said he was.

Well, I know you don't
care for him personally.

I have nothing against him.

Guess I'm just thinking about
the way you snapped at him.

Wojo, it's not the man.

It's what he does that I
find very, uh, annoying.

But what he does
is... Is all he's got.

I mean, he's retired. He's
got no family or friends.

I wonder why.

He said some nice
things about you.

Seven years of college,

Five years establishing
a good practice,

All down the spit sink.

Come on, I got to
put you in the cage.

I deserve it.

I violated a sacred trust,
degraded my profession.

In here, doc.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

Hi.

Good afternoon.

What are you in for?

For creating a disturbance...

With these.

Me too.

Okay, crichton,
you're getting out.

I can't pay bail.

I'm giving you a
desk-appearance ticket.

Huh?

- They're free.
- Yeah?

But you got to show
up on the day specified.

Yes.

Come over here. I
got to write you up.

You know, I'm the only person
in the world who does this.

When I die, they'll
bury these with me.

Right.

You've got the
perfect hands for it.

Large palm area,
thick, meaty fingers.

You're probably a baritone.

You knew I was a cop, right?

No.

Well, then, just for my
own professional curiosity,

What was wrong with me?

Nothing.

Just didn't turn you on, huh?

Not your type?

Hey, i... Really find
you quite appealing.

I like you very much.

Well, you certainly have
a funny way of showing it.

The thing is, i, uh...

I never touch a woman
on the first appointment.

Oh, really?

I... I deal with a very
classy clientele.

I respect that.

And I was going to have
you back for a follow-up.

You had your chance, pervert.

Listen, I have been getting
the runaround all day.

Now, are you people
really interested

In publishing this book or not?

I am sick of hearing
about christmas!

Look, until you
people can find the time

To give my book the attention
and respect it deserves,

Let's just say we stop
the presses indefinitely.

No, no, no, no, I
got a better idea.

Let's say I call you.

I think they've
sweated long enough.

No, no, not so tense.

You're not cracking nuts.

I'm doing the best I can.

Oh.

Just relax.

Try and let a little
air in right... There.

Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

Yes!

Much better.

Uh, you got your ticket
now, okay? You can go.

Oh, yes, well, now,

Don't forget
everything I've shown you.

And remember to practice
every day, every day,

- Every day, every day.
- Right.

And take care of those hands.

Wear gloves when it's cold

And a little baby oil at night,

And, uh... No sex.

Tough choice.

Uh, yeah, that sounds
pretty good to me.

Fine.

Look, I'm certainly glad

We could resolve these
little problems amicably.

Yeah. Bye.

Did you straighten him out?

Um, yeah, we came to a
mutual understanding.

They're going to
publish the book,

And I'm going to stop calling.

Good.

Do you get to keep the pipe?

Hey.

Crichton is gone, huh?

Um, yeah.

I appreciate that.

- Captain.
- Hmm?

I'm going.

Fine, all right.

Here's my report, such as it is.

- Okay.
- Sorry it didn't work out.

Well, listen, we caught the man.

You certainly contributed.

Thanks.

Well, nice working with you all.

Yeah.

Listen...

I want to apologize for the
personal remarks I made earlier.

It's really not necessary.
It's perfectly all right.

No, it's not all right. It
was very unprofessional.

Look, you were
under the anesthetic.

Yeah, I was talking gibberish.

Fine.

- But I meant what I said.
- Uh, goodbye.

No, I really do think
you're quite good-looking.

Uh, keep in touch.

Don't you?

- Mm.
- Oh, yeah.

See?

Oh, I got it.