07x04 - Dorsey

Episode transcripts for the TV series, "Barney Miller". Aired: January 23, 1975 – May 20, 1982.*
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Takes place almost entirely within the confines of the detectives' squad room and Captain Barney Miller's adjoining office of New York City's fictional 12th Precinct, located in Manhattan's Greenwich Village.
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07x04 - Dorsey

Post by bunniefuu »

Mm-hmm?

Sir, the transfer
notification and permanent file

On dorsey, eric.

Oh, thank you.

From what I've been told,
he's an excellent officer.

He should make a fine
addition to the squad.

Hmm.

Oh.

Thank you.

Will you be needing me
for anything else, sir?

No, thank you, levitt.

I didn't think so.

Levitt.

Hmm?

Levitt, I do not make
the final decision

On assignments or promotions.

I did not request dorsey.

But when an offer is made
for additional manpower,

I'm not about to turn it down.

Did I ask something?

Well, I know how long
and hard you've worked

For a permanent
assignment up here.

Has kept me going, sir.

There's still a possibility.

Oh?

Look, I don't know how long
he's gonna be here, anyway.

Maybe he won't even work out.

Maybe he won't fit in
with the rest of the squad.

He might turn out to be more
of a hindrance than a help.

Well... Let's hope so, sir.

You know, I wasn't
gonna sell this stuff.

It was all for my personal use.

Date of birth?

October , .

You're years old?

Yeah. I don't look it, do i?

No.

You know, we're talking
about a victimless crime here.

I mean, if you cops would
leave us alone, we'd be fine.

You like being a junkie?

It's not so bad.

I'm my own boss.

I make my own hours.

But you're going to die.

So are you.

You've got a smart answer
for everything, don't you?

Yeah, so far.

Any luck on his supplier?

No, he's not talking.

What's his name?

Edward devoe.

Mr. Devoe, I'm captain miller.

How you doing?

You know, mr. Devoe, suddenly,

There's an awful lot of
heroin out there on the streets,

And we were kind of wondering
where it was coming from.

Afghanistan, mostly. Also iran.

More specifically,
we were interested

In where you were getting yours.

I already told him... I
can't really tell you that.

You help us, we'll help you.

You cooperate,

I can pretty much guarantee
I can get you probation,

Probably get you
into a methadone clinic.

What for?

What for?

Help you kick the habit.

Why?

Why?

There has never been a
better time to be a junkie,

I'm telling you.

The stuff is stronger now.

It's cleaner, and
it's cheaper, too.

You know, years ago,
my habit was like $ a day.

Now it's bucks, tops.

Dollar for dollar, heroin
is your best drug buy.

Put him in the cage.

Uh, I can't put him
in the cage, barn.

Why?

Because I haven't
finished booking him yet.

But I'll put him in there
as soon as I'm through.

Hi.

Can I help you?

I'm eric dorsey.

Yeah?

I'm a cop.

Oh, yeah, you're, uh...

How you doing? I'm ron harris.

How do you do?

Ah, dorsey. I'm captain miller.

Sergeant eric dorsey.
My transfer papers.

Oh, thank you. Good
to have you aboard.

Yeah, well, it's
good to be aboard.

Sergeant ron harris.

Oh, we already...
Sergeant arthur dietrich.

- How are you?
- Art.

Sergeant stan wojciehowicz.

How you doing?

Officer carl levitt.

Nice to meet you.

Sure.

Officer levitt will
be up from time to time.

But now I'll be going down, sir.

Officer levitt takes a
little getting used to.

Doesn't everyone?

Telephone.

Uh...

Yeah. Th precinct.
Sergeant harris.

Is there someplace
I can stow my gear?

Oh, sure.

There's a locker room
right around back.

Why don't you put
your stuff back there,

And when you come back,

I'll show you how
things go around here.

Yes, sir.

Uh, barn?

There's a disturbance
at a medical building

Over on sixth avenue.

Okay, you and dietrich.

Okay.

Listen, in case I
forgot to say it,

I'm really glad to be
working with you guys.

Yeah, we look forward to it.

And, oh, listen...
One more thing.

I don't know who keeps the pad,

But I think I'll
just pass on it.

I beg your pardon?

Hey, no problem.

I know what it's like
trying to make ends meet

On just a paycheck.

Everybody picks up a
little extra knicky-knack

Here and there,

Which is okay with
me, but like I said...

I think I'll just pass on it.

Is that real leather?

Yeah.

Nice jacket.

Well... I'll catch
you guys later.

This coat on a knicky-knack?

Do you have the correct time?

: .

Wow, I didn't know I
was in here that long.

Yeah, you've been
in there minutes.

You still got my stuff?

Here it is.

I don't get it back later, do i,

Like my wallet and my keys?

No, we keep that forever.

Ah, I see.

Listen, I got a little
what-if for you.

Suppose I was to give
you the name of the guy

That I got the stuff from,

A really big name.

If I did this,

Do you think maybe you could
arrange for me to get some stuff,

Say sometime in the
next, oh, five minutes?

No.

Okay, forget it.

Okay.

Look, I don't have to s-stoop
to your level, you know.

I mean, you cops are
notoriously ungrateful,

So just forget getting
any names out of me.

Okay.

All right, I'll tell,

But only because
you didn't press.

How you doing?

Okay.

Oh, yeah? Yeah?

I'm all stowed away, sir.

Come on in, dorsey.

Look, before we go any further,

I think there are a few
things we ought to get clear.

I'm willing.

This squad does not keep a pad.

Okay.

There are no payoffs, no extras,

No knicky-knacks.

Is that clear?

Yes, sir.

I don't know why you
assumed what you assumed,

And I don't want to know.

As long as you understand
that this is a clean squad.

I appreciate you
setting me straight,

And I want to apologize
if I offended anyone.

Okay.

The point is, we work
very closely around here,

And you can't do that

In an atmosphere of
mistrust and suspicion.

Very true.

So, uh... Where were
you before this?

The locker room, sir.

- Barn?
- Yeah?

Uh, excuse me, but I
got a name from devoe.

Oh, good.

You must have softened him up.

Anyway, the crime bureau
doesn't know anything about him,

So I want to get a
warrant, go pick him up.

Okay. Take some uniforms.

All right.

My mistake.

Yeah.

So, uh, why don't we go outside?

I'll show you your desk.

Let's do that.

I'm right behind you.

Somebody's got to stop...

We're going into
the quiet room now.

What do we got here?

Kenneth pryor...
Disorderly conduct,

Destruction of private
property, resisting arrest.

Resisting arrest?

We're entitled.

I had to do something
to stop them.

They're a bunch of sadists
and nazis over there.

Over where?

We picked him up at a
"stop smoking" clinic.

Of course.

It's the new york institute

For smoking modification, inc.

Oh, sure.

On the commercials,
they make it look so nice.

One day, you're
smoking like a chimney.

Next day, you're
walking on the beach

With your pants rolled up.

Apparently, mr. Pryor had
gone to the clinic for treatment

But subsequently took
exception to their methods.

They're barbaric.

You know what they do?

They stick these
electrodes on your arm,

And every time you
take a puff... Zap!

Volts!

Aversion therapy,

A popular method of
behavior modification.

And while they're doing
that, they got you in this room

With ashtrays full of soggy,
stinking cigarette butts

And blown-up pictures of
diseased, cancerous lungs.

What kind of ashtrays?

Was anything of this done
against your will, mr. Pryor?

What will? You have no will
after they get through with you.

I'm afraid we're gonna
have to book you anyway.

I am so sick of nonsmokers,

With their snotty looks
and their phony little coughs

And their smug,
self-righteous attitudes.

Oh, tell me about it.

You want to have a
seat right here, please?

Hey.

Hey, you smoke?

Yeah.

You care for one?

Yeah, sure.

Look, I don't smoke any of
that low-tar, menthol junk.

I mean, that's for sissies.

Here you go.

Ooh.

Oh, these are K*llers.

Thank you.

Is it always this hot in here?

I don't know.

Uh...

The... The big guy was
gonna get me some stuff.

It was part of our deal.

But he had to go out.

Oh.

Well, he didn't mention
anything about it to me.

Yeah, well... He
told me to tell you.

Mm-hmm.

Attaboy. Laugh it off.

I'm going to the men's room.

Take care of yourself.

Like I said, I'm
sorry about before.

Okay.

Yeah, well, I'll be
in the restroom.

Listen. I know how you feel.

Oh?

I mean, I know what
it's like being a new guy.

Oh, yeah.

So don't let it get to you.

All right?

I remember when they first
transferred me over here.

I was the outsider.

I had to deal with
all their suspicion

And resentment...

Constantly being
rebuffed and rejected...

Being excluded from
their private little jokes.

It took me three months
to get my own lousy desk.

You want this one?

Hey, forget about it. It's over.

Pryor: it's a shame,

Because things aren't the
way they used to be, you know?

Hey, do you remember...
Remember those gift cartons

They used to come out
with at christmas, you know,

With the holly and the bells

And the picture of
santa lighting up?

Remember those?

First thing I looked
for under the tree.

Inside.

Anything from wojo yet?

No.

That coffee looks awful good.

How do you take it?

Cream, sugars.

It's jackpot time.

What do you got in
the box there, levitt?

Lunch for , junkies.

I ordered that.

Sir, we made entry to
mr. King's apartment.

We found this in
the bedroom closet.

It looks to be
high-grade heroin.

Wojo's out trying
to find mr. King.

How much is in there?

I counted packets of
approximately one ounce each.

Wow... We're talking
a street value

Of over $ million here.

I was never even here.

What is it with
that guy, anyway?

He does seem to have a
rather low opinion of us.

I had a long talk with him.

I thought I had him convinced.

But I don't see why we should
have to convince anybody

That we're not on the take.

Maybe he ought to just
be transferred out of here.

New man not working out?

You want to take care
of that stuff, levitt?

Certainly. I'll
put it in lockup.

Contact the narcotics task force

And tell them we'll
keep them apprised.

Yes, sir. And I'll be
downstairs if things worsen.

Would you happen to
have a cigarette on you?

I don't smoke.

I've been trying to cut down.

But you don't know
how tough it is.

Must be hell.

They told me to
see a captain miller.

I'm bill adelson,

New york institute for
smokers' modification.

Hi. I'm sergeant ron harris.

Thank you for not smoking.

Hello, mr. Pryor.

Keep your distance, n*zi.

What happened? Was
the voltage too high?

Drop dead.

Or maybe not high enough.

Adelson, I'm captain miller.

Nothing like this has
ever happened before.

I'm sure it hasn't.

I mean, we certainly
aren't running

Some sort of medieval
t*rture chamber.

No one is saying you are.

I am.

Except mr. Pryor.

Our program is designed
to liberate people

From the tyranny of their
subconscious cravings.

And I'm living
proof that it works.

Did you know that at one time,

I smoked three packs
of cigarettes a day,

Weighed pounds,
and was an alcoholic?

No.

But after counter
conditioning treatments,

Today I have
absolutely no desire

For a cigarette or alcohol...

Or food.

Congratulations.

Now, if you'll just
follow sergeant harris,

He'll have you sign a complaint.

Right this way.

Sergeant, what you do in
private is none of my business,

But when your smoke
invades my breathing space,

Then I have to ask you to stop.

When did you have time for est?

Do you still read?

Well, well, I'm back.

I am not a crook.

Captain.

Ah, dorsey. Yeah.

We got a bit of a
problem here. Sit down.

In regard to what?

In regard to your
attitude toward us

And our rapidly deteriorating
attitude toward you.

I see.

I thought we had cleared
things up, but obviously not,

Considering your last
remark about the heroin.

What heroin?

The heroin that was
sitting right over there...

That's gone now.

Oh, that heroin.

That heroin is in the
lockup right now,

Where it will remain
until it is needed in court,

After which it
will be disposed of

According to official
police procedures.

I assumed that.

You don't believe me.

Yes, I do.

No, I don't think you do.
And I'd like to know why.

Yeah, I would
really like to know

What kind of people
you really think we are.

It's not my place.

No, come on. Come on. Feel free.

No.

I insist.

Well...

I just figure what you got here

Is you got a bunch
of older guys,

Pretty bitter about being stuck
in some bush-league precinct,

Who's got nothing better to do

Than figure out ways
to line their pockets.

No, come on. Really.

And our telling you
that that is not true

Is not good enough?

You all could be lying.

Charming, isn't he?

I don't know what else I can do.

You gave it your best sh*t.

Just get in here and be quiet.

I really feel that we can
work this out by ourselves,

Without bothering
your superiors.

Too late.

King, I assume?

Yeah.

Picked him up in a bar
over on lexington.

He was, uh, pushing a
little cocaine this time.

Hmm. Well, we'll put this
with your heroin, mr. King.

Heroin?

Hey, man, I don't
have any heroin.

It's okay, man.
They got mine, too.

Hey, shut up!

I don't know who that is.

Book him, wojo.

And I think narcotics may
want to have a talk with him.

Hey, wait a second.

I don't think we've considered
all our options here.

What do you mean?

I mean, I'm sure we can work
out a solution to this problem

That will be...
Mutually beneficial.

Come on, king.

Hold it. Hold it. Wait a minute.

What did you have in mind?

I mean, you got that
other stuff of mine.

And this coke here,
it's very high-grade...

Easy to sell.

I bet.

Hey, I got a key in my pocket.

Uh... May i?

Go ahead.

This fits a safe-deposit box

That's got $ , inside.

All I want to do is
walk out of here.

Let me see if I
got this straight.

You're offering
us all that heroin...

Yeah.

And that cocaine... Yeah.

And , just to let
you walk out of here?

Well?

No, thank you.

Is that good enough for you?

Yeah. I think so.

You don't want it?

No, but it's real
nice of you to offer.

Add attempted
bribery to the charges.

Oh, nice guy.

On, king.

Dietrich, we
already got our i.d.

Run devoe over to bellevue.

Well, uh... I guess I'm going.

See you around.

I hope everything
works out for you.

Yeah, thanks.

Look. You hang in there.

You can kick that habit.

Yeah, big talk from a nonsmoker.

Hey, man. I'm a heroin addict.

What's that make you, an expert?

Come on.

Goodbye, mr. Pryor.

We'd love to have
another cr*ck at you.

Blow it out your ear!

It's just the nicotine talking.

Goodbye, sergeant.

Mr. Adelson.

My card,

In case you ever decide
to join the other side.

And in case you do...

That doesn't bother me.

Okay, I'll have him
there in minutes.

Hey, barn, narcotics
wants to see him right away,

So I'll drop him off and
then go home from there.

Oh, okay, fine.

Dorsey, it's checkout
time. You can split.

Oh. Yes, sir.

Excuse me.

Before everybody runs
off, I want to say something.

Uh...

I guess we sort of got off
on the wrong foot today,

Which was my fault, I think,

And I just want to say that, uh,

I'm still looking forward
to working with you guys

Because I think
you're good cops.

And I think I'm a good cop.

And I just hope

That you're gonna give
me a chance to prove it.

Sure.

All right.

So, anybody feel like
grabbing a bite to eat?

I don't eat.

I wouldn't mind.

Some other time.

May i?

Go right ahead.

Th precinct. Dorsey.

Yeah, I'm still here.

Who was that?

I don't know.

But it sounded like that
little guy from downstairs.
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