07x16 - The Hat and the Ring

[bunniefuu]

[ birds chirping ]

Yeah, clayton.
This works for me.

Well, well.

Might I take that
As a compliment?

You that hard up?

One thing, clayton --

I wish you wouldn't use so many
Big words in your proposal.

It's really not necessary.

Well, I'm sorry, sir.
I don't understand.

What exactly is the source
Of your perturbation?

Well, here you say,
"Bucolic topography."

You could say, "Farmland."

And here --

You say, "Unsightly blemish
On the landscape"...

Miss kraus: benson!

...When you could just
As easily have said "Kraus."

There is
A long-distance call for you

From senator hartford.

Thank you.

Hi, diane. How's everything
In springfield?

Terrific.
Mom says "Hi."

Tell her I said "Hi."
So what'd you want, babe?

I really miss you.

Oh, well.
[ chuckles nervously ]

I miss you, too, hon.

Say "Hi" for me, too.

So what is it, babe?

Listen, I have got something

I'd really like
To discuss with you.

Can we meet, say,
At the parkside restaurant

Tomorrow night,
When I get in?

Well, sure. What did
You want to discuss?

Well, it's really not
The sort of thing

To talk about
Over the phone.

It isn't bad news,
Is it?

Oh, no, it's wonderful news --
At least I think so.

Uh-huh.

Well, could you give me
A little hint?

No, benson.
Don't make me tell you now.

I want to be able
To look into your eyes

When you give me
Your answer.

You want to be able
To look into my eyes

When I give you
My answer to what?

Ah-ah-ah-ah.

You're not gonna get this
Out of me.

Now, you're just gonna have to
Wait until tomorrow night.

I'm not gonna say
Anything more

Than this is
An important proposal

That could change your life.

An important proposal
That could change my life.

Are you trying
To sell me life insurance?

No, silly.

Listen, let me
Let you get back to work.

[ smooches ]

Benson?

What?

[ smooches ]

Baby, I'm at work.

These two clowns are staring
Right into my face.

Please, don't do that.
Don't do this to me over here.

O-okay. Kissy, kissy.
[ clears throat ]

[ smooching ]

Oh, knock it off,
Clayton.

You look like a trout
With a moustache.

Let's get back
To your proposal.

Let's forget
About my proposal.

We want to hear
About your proposal.

[ chuckles ]

What proposal?

[ chuckling ]
Oh, come on, benson.

I mean, simply based
On your end of the conversation,

It doesn't take
An einstein to deduce

That she's hinting
At marriage.

And idiot could figure
That out. I did.

Oh, clayton. That was
A private conversation.

It's none of our business.

Is that what she
Was talking about, benson?

I don't know
What she was talking about.

But I'm sure
It wasn't marriage.

Well, I don't know.

You and senator hartford

Have been going out together
Quite a long time, haven't you?

So what?
That doesn't prove anything.

And didn't she say
Something

About
An important proposal?

Yeah.

And didn't she say she wanted
To look into your eyes

When you gave your answer
To that proposal?

Yeah, but...

I think she's gonna ask you
To marry her!

[ both laughing ]

Ah.

[ laughing
Sarcastically ]

That's ridiculous.

Come on. Let's get back
To this proposal.

[ clears throat ]

[ chuckles ]

There's any number of things she
Could have been talking about.

Oh, sure. Sure.

Hmm.

Like what?

Well, I don't know.
You know women.

[ laughing ] there's
A lot of possibilities.

Oh, absolutely --
[ chuckles ]

Loads of possibilities.

[ chuckling devilishly ]

Like what?

Well,
There are a million things

That she could want
To talk about.

Sure, benson.

[ whistling
"Here comes the bride" ]

[ both whistling ]

Oh, benson, we were
Just talking about you.

So when is the big day?

When is what big day?

Your wedding day.

Everybody in the mansion's
Talking about it.

[ chuckles ]

So when do you take
The big plunge, chief?

Hold it, hold it,
Hold it.

There's not gonna be
A wedding.

Nobody said anything
About a wedding.

Then what is
All this talk

About you getting
Wedlocked?

I don't know what you people
Are talking about

Down here
In this kitchen.

I'm not locked
Into anything.

We heard that senator hartford's
Gonna pop the question

To you tomorrow.

Katie, she's going
To pop a question.

If anybody is going to pop
The question,

I'll be the one
Popping it.

Don't be so sure.

That senator hartford
Seems to me

To be the type of woman
Who wouldn't mind popping first.

Pop goes your brain.

My cousin irma
Asked all three

Of her husbands
To marry her.

Well, she had to.
She was a very ugly woman.

Of course, it wasn't
Her fault, poor thing.

Her whole family
Was hairy.

Whoo!

You know, benson,
There's no reason

Why senator hartford
Shouldn't propose to you.

Of course --
It's perfectly all right

For a woman to propose
As well as a man.

Yeah. That's why men
Sweat so much.

I'm gonna squash
This rumor right now.

We're just gonna have to see
What senator hartford does.

Hi. Diane?

No, this is audrey.

Oh! Hello, mrs. Hartford.

Uh...
[ clears throat ]

Is diane in?

No, honey. She's not here.
But she'll be back soon.

She's out being fitted
For a dress.

"Fitted for a dress."

♪ dum dum da-dum ♪

Well, yes.
Can I take a message?

No. I was just calling back
Because, uh, she had said

That she had something important
To ask me, and...

Oh, yes,
She most certainly does.

And, benson,
We're all so happy about it.

So happy about what?

Together:
♪ dum dum da-dum ♪

Now, now.

I'm not gonna let the cat
Out of the bag.

Let what cat
Out of what bag?

Oh, no, you don't,
Benson.

But while I have you
On the phone,

I just want to say
How happy I am

Diane found
A nice man like you.

And I want you to take real
Good care of her, you hear?

Bye, son.

My curiosity's k*lling me.
What's going on, benson?

Well, I talked
To diane's mother,

And it looks like
You guys were right.

She's gonna ask me
To marry her.

Diane's mother?

No. Diane.

Oh! Oh!

Well, benson,
That's wonderful.

So what's the problem?

Well,
I'm not [chuckles] sure

That I'm quite ready
For marriage.

Listen. Why don't you tell me
What you're feeling,

And I'll listen
And give you some feedback.

Hell, I'm up to my neck
In feedback.

What I need is a loophole.

Good, good --
This is good!

Don't hold back.
Just let it all out.

Well, you see, the problem
Is that, uh,

I've grown set in my ways.

You know,
It's hard to change.

I can see that.

Yeah.

On the other hand,
It would be nice

To have someone
To share my life with.

I can see that.

Yeah.

And, uh, you know,
The job --

This job takes up [chuckles]
A lot of time and energy, huh?

I can see that.

And I'm not getting
Any younger.

Yeah. I can see that,
Too.

Have you seen enough

To say something
Meaningful?

Okay. Okay.

Now, the way I see it,

You have two choices
And only two choices.

Either you marry diane...

Or you don't.

How long did it take you
To come up with that?

Well, I've been reading
Quite a few books

On eastern philosophy
Lately,

And they really teach you to get
To the core of the problem.

Yeah. Well,
With all due respect, governor,

I got to say, your advice
Seemed a lot better

When you were reading
"Peanuts."

This is way beyond
"Peanuts."

Benson...

There is one
Important point

That we haven't
Discussed here.

Do you love diane?

Well, of course
I love her.

We wouldn't be having
This discussion if I didn't.

I'll give her anything
She wants.

She wants you.

[ sobs lightly ]

Damn it, governor,
I'm gonna do it!

I'm gonna marry her!

Congratulations,
Benson.

The only thing is,

I'm going to be the one
Doing the proposing.

Good!

A marriage
Always starts off best

When the man
Does the proposing.

Did your mother
Tell you that?

Yeah. Why?

My mother told me
The same thing.

Do you suppose
This is a conspiracy?

If it is,
Over half the world's in on it.

This is big.

Good morning, sir.

Good morning.

May I be of service?

Yes. I'd like to see
Something in a nice, uh,

Diamond
Engagement ring.

Correct me if I'm wrong.

But are you not
Lieutenant governor dubois?

Yes. Yes, I am. Yes.

It is a pleasure
And an honor to serve you.

Oh, thank you.
Thank you.

[ chuckles ]

Now, about the ring...

Yes, sir.

Here's a stunning
Engagement ring

I know a man of your style
And taste will appreciate.

Mm-hmm.

Yes. It's very nice.
Can I get a closer look at it?

Most certainly, sir.

[ motors whir ]

One can't be
Too cautious.

[ chuckles ]

Yes. That's beautiful.

You have excellent taste.

It's a five carat
Marquise-cut solitaire

Set in a band
Of platinum.

Mm-hmm.
That's wonderful.

How much is it?

Is that really important?

Yes, it is. Yes.

Good grief.
How many zeros is that?

[ chuckles ]

I paid less than that
For my condo.

I'm sure it would seem expensive
To the average joe.

But you must remember that
You are the lieutenant governor,

And you don't want
To appear chintzy.

I also don't want
To appear bankrupt.

You have a marvelous
Sense of humor.

[ chuckles ]

I have always felt that,

On a special occasion
Such as this,

One should not hesitate to
Reach deep into one's pockets.

Well, brother, I could reach
All the way to my socks,

And I wouldn't come up
With that kind of money.

I suppose
I could show you something

A touch less expensive,
If you insist.

I insist.
[ box snaps shut ]

I suppose one
Should really remember that,

After all, you are
Only lieutenant governor.

[ motors whir ]

Put it down, quick!

Put it down!
Put it down!

Too late.

Benson, what a surprise.

Well, is this
The lucky bride-to-be?

Are you kidding me?

"Bride-to-be" --

Oh, benson, does this mean
You are here

To buy a ring
For diane?

That's wonderful.
I'm so happy for you.

Well, does anything
Strike your fancy, sir?

Well, this looks pretty good.
How much is this one?

No. I couldn't
Sell you that one, sir.

You don't want that one.
It's flawed.

I don't see
Anything wrong with it.

Oh, you can't see it
With the naked eye.

You need a jeweler's loop.

You don't want that,
Benson.

Why?

Diane doesn't have a loop.

I don't think
You should walk out of here

With something
That is flawed.

You're right.
You go on ahead.

Well, this one
Looks pretty nice.

Yes. That is very nice.

Did you notice
The little tag?

I am right on top of it,
My man.

I can handle that.

Well, bingo.

It's beautiful, benson.

Yeah. I think diane
Will like that.

Let me get a box
For you.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, it's a lovely ring,
Benson.

Diane will be so happy.

When are you going
To give it to her?

Tonight,
At the parkside restaurant.

Well, congratulations.

[ laughs ]

[ smooches ]

Come on, sweetheart.
That's enough, isn't it?

But it is an old bavarian
Tradition to kiss both cheeks.

Good. Go kiss
An old bavarian.

Hi. I'm diane hartford.
I've got reservations for two.

Ah, yes.

Uh, it'll be
Just a moment, madam.

Thank you.

[ chuckling ]
Oh, senator hartford!

How nice to see you,
Dear.

Senator tyler.
Hello.

[ clears throat ]

Oh. Uh, this is,
Um, roxanne.

Well, senate
Scuttlebutt is

That you were over
In springfield,

Talking
With the party bosses

About our next candidate
For governor.

There is
Some truth to that.

I'm sure my name
Must have come up.

Well, I mean, after all,
Gatling can't run again.

It's my year.
Everybody owes me.

Well, actually,
Senator tyler,

We're considering
Someone else.

What? Who?

Well, I can't say.

It's dubois, isn't it?

Oh!

Uh, that's possible.

Admit it. It's dubois
For governor, right?

Really?

All right. All right.
I admit it.

As a matter of fact,
That's why I'm here,

To ask benson if he would
Consider running for governor.

I like benson.
He's cute.

Who asked you?

Who begged
For this date?

Who bought dinner?

Who's not going
To get dessert?

Roxie!

Benson:
Good evening, leonard.

Leave me alone!

Always nice
To see senator tyler.

[ laughs ] ooh,
It's good to see you.

[ clears throat ]
Excuse me.

Your table is ready.

Thank you.

[ sighs ]

Could we have a bottle
Of your best champagne, my man?

Very good, sir.

[ sighs ]

Thank you.

So how was your trip?

Oh, I had
A wonderful time.

Benson, I am so excited
About what I have

To tell you -- ask you.

Just a minute, diane.

I know exactly
What you're going to ask me.

You do?
How did you find out?

Well, I put
Two and two together.

[ chuckling ] it wasn't
That difficult to figure out.

Oh, I guess
I shouldn't be too surprised.

Even senator tyler
Knew about it.

He does?

Oh, yes.

In fact,
He was very upset

That I'm asking you
Instead of him.

Tyler?
You're kidding.

No.

[ chuckles ]

Well, I didn't even know
He was interested.

Oh, yeah.

He has been lobbying for
This for a couple of years now.

"Lobbying"?

Why, that little squirt.

Well,
Why didn't you tell me?

Well,
I thought you knew.

I mean, everybody in town
Knows about it.

Are we talking about
The same senator tyler,

That little, bald,
White guy?

[ laughing ] yes.

Oh, but he was never
A serious contender.

I mean, you're far and away
The top choice.

Huh. That's a relief.

Uh, look, diane.

Now, I know I'm
Kind of old-fashioned,

But I still feel that
Some things ought to be done

In a traditional manner.

So, with your permission,
I'd like to do that right now.

Sure.
What is it?

[ chuckling lightly ]

[ gasps ]

[ laughs ]

Oh, that is beautiful.

Diane...

Will you marry me?

Oh, benson.
Of course I will.

[ chuckles ]

Oh. [ laughs ]

Good.
Then it's done.

[ chuckles ]

[ smooches ]

Oh, this comes
As such a surprise.

"Surprise"?

Yes. I had no idea.

"No idea"?

Oh, I'm shocked.

"Shocked"?!

Why are you repeating
Everything I say?

Why am I repeating
Everything you say?

Diane,
Correct me if I'm wrong,

But weren't you planning
To ask me to marry you tonight?

What? Where did you get
That idea?

Well, everything you said --
You, your mother, senator tyler.

Senator tyler? What
Does he have to do with this?

Well, don't ask me.

You're the one he's been hitting
On for the past two years.

That little, bald,
White guy?

Please!

Well, what were you planning
To ask me about

If it wasn't marriage?

I wanted to ask you

If you were interested
In running for governor.

"Running for governor"?!

Is that it?

Well, I thought
It was a pretty big deal.

Well, it is, except I wasn't --
I wasn't expecting that!

When I was in springfield,
I met with the party leaders.

They want you to be their
Candidate in the next election.

So you weren't even thinking
About marrying me.

Well, of course
I thought about it.

Well, for goodness sakes,
Why didn't you ask me?!

Well, I-I have been single
A very long time.

And I-I'm very set
In my ways.

And we both have
Our careers.

Exactly! So we don't have to
Get married!

"Have to"?!
What do you mean "Have to"?

Well, I didn't mean "Have to."
I meant --

But you said "Have to"!

Yeah, I know I said "Have to."
But, uh, y--

Let's change the subject.

Governor dubois --
Sounds nice, huh?

[ chuckles lightly ]

Yes.

I was thinking
"Mrs. Diane dubois."

Sounds nice, huh?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

"Governor
And mrs. Dubois"...

Has a nice ring.

[ chuckles ]
And so do I.

[ both chuckle ]