07x19 - Hi, Society

[bunniefuu]

In other words,
If I sign this form,

I'm giving away
All my vital organs?

[ chuckling ] well...

The way it works is,

See, you get
This little sticker

For the back
Of your driver's license.

That lets the doctors know
That, when you die,

You want parts of your body
To live on in others.

How do you get involved
In these causes?

Well, when you are part
Of the inner circle

Of the capital city
Social scene,

You hang out with a lot
Of people who care.

Inner circle?

Last month,
You were vice-president

Of the bowling league.

That seems like
A lifetime ago.

Since I met
Bonnie van gorder,

I am a totally different
Gretchen kraus.

I feel just like
Cinderella.

All the best parties,

All the best restaurants,
All the best people.

So do I get
Your organs or not?

Sure, why not?
[ clears throat ]

Oh, one thing --
I can't guarantee my liver.

Thank you.

Now, all I have to get
Are benson und clayton.

Clayton?

His organs
Won't make good gravy.

Ah, benson, have you been
Thinking about your organs?

Yes.

Just this morning,

I had an amusing thought
About my spleen.

Come on, benson,
This is serious.

Are you going to join
The donor program or not?

Yes, I am.
Oh, good,
Here is the form.

Just leave it right there
On the desk.

I have something I need you
To do for me right away.

Now, I have a dr. Richard wilcox
Flying in on the th.

I want hotel accommodations
For him

From the th
Through the st.

And on the morning of the th,
I need a car to pick him up

And take him to the senate
To testify.

I'll get right on it.

Ah, governor,
I was wondering --

Oh, if this is about my organs,
Look on your desk.

Okay.

So, benson,
How was the staff meeting?

Any progress
On that chemical-dumping bill?

Yes, as a matter of fact,
I found an expert

Who is willing to support
Our position

On the dangers
Of continued chemical dumping.

He's got to be credible,

And he's got to be
As knowledgeable

As this guy that wrote
That book "Toxic su1c1de."

You know,
What's his name?

Yeah, dr. Richard wilcox.

Dr. Richard wilcox.
We need somebody like him.

We have him.

You have wilcox?
Yeah.

[ laughing ]
Way to go, benson!

Whee-hee!

Go easy on that heart.

You don't own it anymore.

Listen, benson,

I think we could use
A little strategy here.

What do you mean?

Let's just keep dr. Wilcox
A surprise.

We tell nobody.

We spring him
On the committee.

Huh, agreed?

Sounds like
A good plan to me.

So mum's the word.
We keep it a secret, huh?

Secret?
What are we keeping a secret?

Not we, clayton.

We.

Oh, I see.

I dedicate my entire
Professional career

To this administration,

And this is the respect
I am afforded.

Oh, clayton, now, this is
A very delicate situation.

It's obviously more delicate
Than my feelings.

It is apparent to me

That we-e-e don't need
To know the secret.

Only we-e-e.

Therefore, we-e-e
Will just take

Our insignificant self
Back to our office.

All right, all right.

We are smuggling
A witness in

To testify
Before the antidumping bill.

Uh-huh.

Dr. Richard wilcox.

Wilcox?!
Shh!

This is big.
This is really big.

It is hush-hush.
Right, benson?

Well, it was
Until a moment ago.

Hush. Hush, hush, hush.

My lips are sealed.

I saw dr. Wilcox
On one of those talk shows.

[ chuckles ]

He's good...
And good-looking.

Mrs. Cassidy, what were you
Doing in the bathroom?

Putting those little,
Blue crystals in the water.

You don't think an elf does it,
Do you?

Mrs. Cassidy!

I hope you understand

That what you overheard
Was strictly confidential.

Don't sweat it, chief.

I don't tell tales
Out of school.

Oh, well,
She won't tell anybody.

You have on
Flowered underwear.

How do you know that?

I rest my case.

Mrs. Cassidy!

Say you'll do it.

Say you'll be grand marshal
Of the parade.

Ah, mrs. Van gorder,
It's very flattering,

But I'm afraid my
Palomino-riding days are over.

Oh, uh, benson...
Uh, oh, bonnie.

Oh, clayton.

Oh, brother!

You look stunning.

And you look so trim.

You must run.

No, I must run.
You two deserve to be alone.

Look, bonnie, please excuse me.
I'll be right back.

Benson, what is
Bonnie van gorder doing

At a staff party
For mrs. Cassidy?

She's hardly the type
To hobnob with the kitchen help.

Well, kraus must have
Invited her.

They've been hanging out
Together lately.

Well, well, well,

There's a little bit of social
Climber in all of us, eh?

[ chuckles ]

Could you let go of me now,
Clayton?

Oh, sorry.

Listen, I just got off
The phone with the governor.

He's caught in traffic.

He'd like you
To make the speech

And give mrs. Cassidy
The gift.

You'll have to give me a couple
Of minutes to make some notes.

Yeah, well, just hurry up.
We're running out of punch.

Well, bonnie, I'm back.

Not now, clayton.

Gretch, gretch?

Oh, bonnie, I'm so sorry
I wasn't here when you arrived.

I've just been swamped.

Don't think a thing of it.
I've been having a lovely time.

These are charming people.

What's the matter?
You seem frazzled.

Well, I've been running around
All day,

Trying to find
A decent hotel room

For this v.I.P.
We've got coming in.

V.I.P.?

Ja, ja, but all the hotels
Are booked solid.

Well, maybe I can help.

Max at the royale
Is an old friend.

What your v.I.P.'s name?

Oh, it's
A dr. Richard wilcox.

Aha.
Let's go to your office.

I'll make a phone call,

And you can give max
All the information.

You are such
A good friend.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have
Your attention, please?

As you know,
We are here this evening

To honor a woman
Who has honored us

With years of dedicated,
Demented public service.

Ladies and gentlemen, the
Inimitable mrs. Rose cassidy.

Thank you.

You're quite welcome,
Sweetheart.

I was just kidding you
A little bit.

On behalf of the administration,
It's my extreme pleasure

To present to you
This small token of our esteem,

Our appreciation,
And our friendship.

Oh, thank you.

[ applause ]

[ chuckles ]
Well, it's not a ferrari.

But seriously, folks
[clears throat]

years
And administrations

Has all been worth it
For this moment

To look at this lovely --

What the hell
Is this thing anyway?!

[ laughs ]

Why, it's
A stickpin, rose.

A stickpin?
Uh-huh.

years of cleaning up

After a bunch
Of sloppy politicians,

And that's what I get?

[ laughs ]

It's made
Of sterling silver.

[ sarcastically ]
Wonderful.

I'll melt it down
And have a tooth filled.

[ laughs ]

[ door opens ]

All right,
Where is she?
Who?

That witch, that ghoul,
That hyena!

Oh, kraus.
She's in the kitchen.

Do you know
What I've done?

I've allowed that vulture
To trick me

Into donating my heart,
My kidneys, my liver, my eyes.

What are you worried about,
Clayton?

It's a wonderful program.
It'll help people.

I don't care about that.

I don't want
To give away my organs.

God knows
Where they'll end up.

Well, wherever they end up,
It'll be a better place.

Oh, yes?

What if they use them
To keep some monkey alive?

Well, like I said,
A better place.

For once in your life,

You're doing
Something worthwhile.

Well, that's true.

But I better call
My accountant

And see
If I can write this off.

Clayton,
You're such a loophole.

Good morning, clayton!

Don't touch me,
You body snatcher!

Achtung, benson!
I don't have much time.

Bonnie is taking me
To lunch.

Now, everything else
Is taken care of.

The limo
Picked up dr. Wilcox.

It got him
To the committee hearing.

He is testifying
Even as we speak.

Mm-hmm, okay, well,
Thanks for your help, kraus.

Oh, hi, miss kraus.
Get out.

Excuse me?

I have a bone to pick
With benson.

That's different.
No apology necessary.

Benson,
We are losing support

For our bill
In the committee.

What?

With dr. Wilcox's testimony,
I thought it'd be a lock.

The waste-disposal lobby

Brought in three
Of their own so-called experts,

And they did a hatchet job
On wilcox's testimony.

We've been sabotaged!

How can that be?

You and I were the only ones
Who knew about it.

Mm-hmm, and clayton
And mrs. Cassidy.

And kraus set up
The arrangements for dr. Wilcox.

One of our close, personal,
Trusted confidants

Is a mole, a spy,
A judas!

Benson...I want you to conduct
An investigation.

Why do I have to conduct
An investigation?

Well, I'd do it,
But I can't be impartial.

Oh, yes, you can.
You're a very fair man.

Oh, no,
I'm not fair at all.

I know it's clayton.

All right, all right,
I'll look into it.

But if I'm right,

I want you to nail his hide
To the barn door!

Well, his hide
Is all he'll have left.

The medical college has dibs
On his giblets.

Did you get the fink yet?

No, but I have appointments

With several potential finks
All afternoon.

I know that it's clayton.

That man has no self-control.
He's such a blabbermouth.

He is a self-serving,
Sneaky little twerp.

Hello, there.

Oh, hi, clayton.

Nice suit!
Well, got to run.

[ chuckling ] well,
He's in a good mood today.

So, what did you want
To see me about?

[ chuckles ]
Have a seat, clayton.

Uh-huh.

I won't
b*at around the bush.

We're trying to find out

Who leaked the information
On the chemical-dumping bill.

And you think I did it.

I didn't say that.

Now, you don't have to say it.
I can see it in your eyes.

You want clayton endicott
To take the fall.

Oh, sure,
It's always endicott

That springs to mind
When you need a scapegoat.

Well, let me tell you something,
My friend.

If heads are gonna roll,
They aren't gonna be my heads.

I mean, head.

Your head can't roll.
It's too flat.

Oh, yeah?

No, trust me on this.
Your head can't roll.

Your nose alone
Would be enough to stop it.

You want to know
Who the leak is?

I'll tell you who the leak is.
It's mrs. Cassidy.

She's your stool pigeon.
She is your spy.

You want to know why?
I'll tell you why.

Because she is a bitter,
Old scrubwoman.

Oh, hi, rose.

One day, that pruneface
Is gonna go too far.

Then I'm gonna punch out
His pit.

Mrs. Cassidy, what I wanted
To ask you --

I know, I know, I know.

It's about
This wilcox thing,

And you want to know
Who leaked it.

Well, it wasn't me.

I mean, I didn't make
years in this joint

By flapping my gums,

So go bark up
Somebody else's tree, buster.

Well, thank you for your help,
Mrs. Cassidy.

All right, benson,

Let's get started
With the interrogation.

Clayton told me
What this is all about.

Oh, I just want to ask you
A couple of questions, kraus.

Sure.

Where is the straight-backed
Chair und the bare light bulb?

Or perhaps you would prefer
The rubber-hose method.

I see you've done
This kind of thing before.

Clayton's getting away.

I just saw him
In the parking lot.

Governor, please, I am trying
To conduct this investigation.

I just can't believe
You suspect me of this.

I have given this administration
The best years of my life.

I thought I was
Your most trusted employee.

You didn't hear that
From me.

Uh, miss kraus, now, you mustn't
Take this personally.

We're simply
Trying to find out

Who told the opposition
About dr. Wilcox.

No, we're not
Singling you out.
Right.

It could be anybody.
It could be benson.

Wrong.

Well, come on, you could have
Said something to somebody.

I did not.
Benson,
At mrs. Cassidy's party,

You spent half the night
With bonnie van gorder.

I spent half the night

Trying to get away
From bonnie van gorder.

Bonnie? What does bonnie
Got to do with all this?

Well, she was asking a lot
Of questions at the party.

And she's
A well-known gossip.

Just what are you
Getting at?

Yeah, what are you
Getting at?

Aren't you
And bonnie friends?

Now, you just wait
A minute here.

You leave bonnie
Out of this.

She would never do anything
Sneaky und underhanded.

She is my friend.

Oh, come on, kraus.

What did you
Two talk about?

Nothing.
Just girl talk.

You sure you never told her
Anything about your work?

I told her what a rough week
I was having

Because of having to arrange
For dr. Wilcox und -- oh.

She helped me out.

Well,
There's nothing there.

Nothing there?

Governor, don't you see?
It's obvious what happened.

Kraus gave bonnie
The information,

And bonnie passed it
To senator fulton.

Oh, benson,
You're really reaching.

Oh, benson.

That must be exactly
What happened.

There's your leak.

I just don't understand.

I mean, how could bonnie
Do this to me?

Oh, she didn't
Just do it to you.

She does it to everybody.

But why?

Why?
Because that's her game.

She exchanges political
Information for favors.

Well, I guess I just never
Saw that side of her

Because I was so caught up
In all the fancy parties

And all those
Famous people.

Well, it's okay.

You didn't know
What you were doing.

I sold us
Down the waterfall!

I am the traitor.
I am the benedict arnold.

I am the leak!

Damn!

Eh, don't worry about her.

She'll be all right.

Oh, I know that.
I just wanted it to be clayton.

I wanted to nail his hide
To the barn door.

I know whose hide should be
Nailed to the barn door.

Bonnie van gorder, huh?

Yeah, someone should have a talk
With that woman.

Why don't you handle this?

I'd be happy to.

Anybody home?

Mrs. Van gorder, come in.

Lieutenant governor,
I received a phone call

That said you wanted
To see me immediately.

Bonnie...
I am not a happy man.

No, did I leave you off
The cotillion list?

[ laughs ]

It's not about me.
It's about you and kraus.

Gretchen?

Have a seat.

You received
A piece of information

About dr. Wilcox
From kraus,

And you passed it on
To senator fulton.

I'm still not seeing
The problem.

But you do admit
You did that?

Oh, it's common knowledge

That I'm a prime source
Of information in this town.

It wasn't common knowledge
To kraus.

Well, if gretchen
Didn't know,

Then gretchen's
Terribly naive.

I may be naive, but I'm not
A sneak in the grass.

That's snake in the grass.

She knows what she is.

Really, I don't want to be
A part of a scene.

I'm not through
With you yet.

Sit down.

I beg your pardon?

Park it, toots!

You know what really gets me
About all this?

I really liked you.

Oh, come on, gretchen.
Grow up.

What? Und be like you?

No thank you,
Mrs. Van gorder.

I'll just be myself --
Plain, old kraus,

Captain of the pin blasters
Bowling team und proud of it.

Any one of those ladies
Would make of you.

What can I say?

How about goodbye?

Goodbye.

Lieutenant governor.

Oh, I should have
Punched her.

What? And spend the night
In jail?

I think you handled it
Just right.

Boy, it doesn't feel
So good.

You know what my problem is,
Benson?

I let people walk all over me.
I'm such a rug.

I'm a sidewalk.
I'm a hardwood floor.

Well, kraus,
If I were you,

I wouldn't worry about the
Bonnie van gorders of the world.

You're better off
Without them.

I know.

It's just that I don't have
That many friends.

Well, kraus...

People like you
Never have many friends.

No, what --
No, what I mean

Is that you care more
About quality than quantity.

Oh, ja?

Well, right now
I don't have diddly.

Well, it's her loss.

You have
Some wonderful qualities.

Oh, don't start in
With the soft soap.

No, I was simply
Trying to --

Yeah, I know what
You're trying to do.

You're trying to be my buddy,
Pat me on the back,

And tell me everything
Is going to be okay.

Well, not really.
Well, it's not okay.

I got taken.
I got suckered.

I went
To the tree of friendship

Und picked a lemon.

So what?
It's not the end of the world.

That's very catchy --
Tree of friendship.

I'm not going to let one lemon
Make me a sourpuss.

No, no, no.

You can handle that
All by yourself.

Damn right.

Anybody's gonna foul up my life,
It's gonna be me.

Well, you're doing
A good job of it.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

Good night.
Good night.

Benson...
What?

I love you for caring.