02x08 - The Smile in the Third Row

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Highway to Heaven". Aired: September 19, 1984 – August 4, 1989.*
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Jonathan Smith is a "probationary" angel sent to Earth to help people in need.
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02x08 - The Smile in the Third Row

Post by bunniefuu »

New York City.

I mean, this place is up. I mean, up.

You know, you wanna see a bird,
you gotta look down.

This is some place to hang out.

I just wish I knew why we were here.

That just might be your answer.

- Dry cleaning for Mr. Smith.
- Yes, thank you very much.

- Thanks.
- You bet.

- What's that stuff?
- Dry cleaning.

We didn't send anything out.

Yeah, I know that.

But Father Smith
has to go to the theatre tonight.

Just you?

Now, would I do that to you?

Oh, I get to go too?

Sure you do,
you gotta deliver these to Fred Fusco.

Look at me.

Weak,

pallid,

miserable.

- I'm a desperate man.
- Freddy, listen to me--

On behalf of my sister Snuffy
and my nephew Ed,

of whom I'm the sole support,

allow me a shred of my reputation,
so that I may work again.

- Close the show.
- Freddy, I have faith in this play.

It's about God.

You wouldn't
ring down the curtain on God?

God is merciful.

He wouldn't inflict this lemon
on his people.

Let me buy my way
out of the contract.

Freddy, if we can keep the play
running, we will get word of mouth.

Word of mouth?
We've got word of mouth.

- The word is, "Don't go."
- Hello, Uncle Fred.

Oh, am I interrupting something?
Hello, Mr. Milhaus, Mr. Corcoran.

- Hello, Ed.
- What is it now, Ed?

Well, if you're busy--

I'm never too busy for you, Ed.
How much?

- Well, it's to repair the car.
- How much?

I don't know.
I won't know until I pick up the car.

Why don't you just sign the cheque
and I'll fill in the figure later.

Thank you.
What would I do without you?

Yeah, I'd love to find out.

You know what's wrong
with the play?

We need some laughs
in the third act.

Fred, you die in the third act.
It's hard to make that funny.

Yeah, well,

we'll have dinner after the show.
We'll talk about it.

- I'll see you there.
- Yeah.

Well, I guess it's time
to get ready for the show.

Where's my dresser?

He quit.

Why?

Freddy, you pushed him.

What, a little push.

Out of the room and down the stairs.

So sue me.

Freddy, he is suing you.

That's the fourth dresser
you've had in two weeks.

So I'm afraid that this performance,
you're gonna have to dress yourself.

It's easy to be a dresser,
all he has to do is hand me my clothes.

Anybody can do that.

Mr. Fusco, your clothes.

Just the man I'm looking for.

Third row, second seat, sir.

Thank you very much.

- Can't seem to get this seat down.
- Must be broken.

- Take the one next to it.
- Thank you very much.

I know I--
I didn't always do the best.

But I--

Well, I know that.

But I tried.

I tried to do the best
with whatever I had.

I didn't know that you cared.

You know, I used to talk to you

when I was very young,
in the dark.

Wish for things.

But whatever I wished for
never came about.

So I figured you weren't listening.

So I stopped talking to you.

Stopped wishing for things.

But I'm wishing now, God.

I'm wishing that you'll never leave me
out alone in the dark.

Are you listening?

Lord?

Right this way, gentlemen.

Yeah?
I didn't know you were starstruck.

The fact is I dreamed it.
The whole play.

- A total inspiration.
- Bob Milhaus, the writer.

- Yeah?
- The audience doesn't like it.

Right.

Arnold Corcoran's hanging in there?

Nobody is coming to his theatre,
but we are running.

- He loves the play.
- But Fusco doesn't.

No.
He wants to turn it into a comedy.

"Get some laughs in the third act."
Quote, unquote.

Mr. Sensitive.

Mr. Milhaus?

Gordon. Well, small world.

This is my pal, Jonathan Smith.
This is Bob Milhaus.

How are you?

- Father.
- Father. Walter Cousins, The Times.

My pleasure, Mr. Cousins.

Are you ready to order?

Well, Fusco's late,
but he'll go for shrimp.

- Two shrimp, please.
- Shrimp.

- Shrimp.
- Same.

Five shrimp dinner, thank you.

Hi, sorry I'm late.

Bob.

Father. Father...?

Smith. Father Smith.

I'm glad you're here, Father.

I've got a couple of notions
for the third act.

Forget it. The play goes as it is.

Fred, the audience--

The audience doesn't understand.

It's a great play. Great play.

Well...

I...

I wonder what you would say if...

I wonder what you would say

if I told you I saw God tonight?

What?

God. I saw him tonight.

All right, Fred, what's the joke?

No joke.

I really mean that.

Walter, I really do.

The...

God revealed himself to Moses

in the Bible. Isn't that right, Father?

That's correct.

Well, I didn't read the book,
but I saw the movie.

Charlton Heston saw him.

Well, he did appear in the desert.

Well, he did it again.

He was in the audience tonight.

In the third row.

Right next to you, Father.

Right next to you.

We got a fridge,
this is gonna fill it up.

Have you seen the paper?

Fusco's ordered the seat
not to be sold

for any performance
during the run of the show.

Do you think the boss
really was there?

Come on. He told me I was sitting
in the seat next to the seat.

I'm in a seat next to God,
and I'm an angel and I don't see him,

and this actor, Fusco,
says he saw him?

Sorry. So, what do you figure?

Hey, I figure he's in a play
that's not doing very well,

and he feels a little publicity
might help.

Well, he was right.
I was just by the theatre,

big rush at the box office. I mean,
the line is halfway up the block.

They've got television cameras
and reporters there to interview him.

That should probably be on
right now.

I mean, wouldn't that be something
if he really did see God?

Come on. I just told you,
I didn't see him. I've never seen him.

- Hey, don't get testy.
- What was he wearing?

Wearing?

- I didn't notice.
- God was sitting in the third row,

you didn't notice
what he was wearing?

Well I- I don't know.

I don't know.

A dark suit, I guess.
Nothing special.

God wasn't wearing
anything special?

I would think God would be wearing
something very special.

- You're making this sound ludicrous.
- Well, look, no offence, Fred.

I'm having a little problem with
the idea that the king of the universe

would take time out
from all that he has to do,

to stop in to see a performance
of a Broadway play.

But it's true.

As God is my witness.

Well, this is where we came in,
folks.

This is Gary Fox saying:

You just never know
who you're gonna bump into

at the theatre these days.

You must be crackers, Uncle Fred.

Why would you say a thing like that
on the news?

- Because it's true.
- I'll tell you what's true.

What's true is, Gary Fox
made a famous actor look like a fool.

And what's unfortunate for all of us
is that the actor is you.

I mean, what a thing to make up
just to save a miserable play.

It's not a miserable play. God thinks
it's a good play, so did the priest.

Ed, get the door.

Things like this happened
in the Bible.

- Really?
- Yes.

Well, I'll go down to the lumber yard
and get some wood.

It's supposed to rain tomorrow.
We'll get started on an ark.

Oh, that's funny, Snuffy.

It happened in the Bible.

I'm Father Smith.
Fred Fusco telephoned me.

Why? He's not even a Catholic.

How did you get in here?
The gate's locked.

- Will miracles never cease?
- All right, come in.

Thank you.

Mother, Uncle Fred's priest is here.

Believe me, Father Smith,

Fred Fusco is a very fragile person,
mentally and physically.

I've gone through
two nervous breakdowns with him.

Uncle Fred has always been a man
of q*eer ideas.

Always. Look, Father,
Fred had a severe heart attack.

Thought he was going to die,
was terrified.

Then this TV writer, this Milhaus,
comes to him with this play

about a man who is going to die
and sees God.

Well, you get the connection.

- Yeah, but I really don't--
- Father, the man is not well.

If you want to help Fred Fusco,

go out in back and talk him out
of this lunacy.

Uncle Fred's destroying his career.

Why, nobody goes out
and hires crazy people.

I don't like to be crass
but this house costs money.

And I'm going to college.

- You're a student?
- Ed, take Father Smith to your uncle.

No, no, that's perfectly all right.
I'll find my way.

Look, I--I wouldn't worry
about Fred's career just yet.

The play's become very popular.

Hello. Yes,
I would like two orchestra tickets

for tomorrow night's performance.

Well, how about Thursday night?

Next Thursday night?

Thank you, I see.

The play's sold out.
Three weeks solid.

Hello, Fred.

Father.

Well, you meet the family?

Oh, yes, we had a nice little chat.

Pretty awful, aren't they?

Now, anybody else said it,
I'd fight them to the death.

But I support them,
so I guess I have a right.

Well, there's no law that says
you have to support them.

Well, who else would?
Completely helpless people.

Absolutely useless,
positively determined to stay that way.

Seventeen years
Ed's been going to college.

Snuffy says
he hasn't found himself yet.

You can't find yourself
if there's nobody there.

Come on, why don't we take
a little walk, you relax a little.

Hey, you're not doing him any favours.
I mean, why should he change?

He's got a free ride.

I know.

If only I could get him to realise
there are people in this world

who really need help.

It's only important that you realise it.

Oh, I do realise it.

You know what I'd like?

I'd like to give it all away, everything,

to people who need it.

Everybody says I'm lying
or I'm crazy.

What do you think?

I think you're a very unhappy man.

But am I a crazy, unhappy man?

No, I don't think so.

You were great tonight, Mr. Fusco.

Thanks, Mark.

Fred.

Bob?

Hi.

Funny reactions
to some of the lines tonight.

Yeah.

Fred,

people aren't coming
to see an entertainment.

We're getting believers
on a pilgrimage. Kooks.

Did you see the flashbulbs
going off?

They were all taking a picture
of God's seat.

Now, I don't want
to sound ungrateful, Freddy.

But...

Well, I'd- I'd like you
to back off a little from what you said.

Why?

Fred, this isn't a show anymore,
it's a circus.

We don't have a leading man,
we have a clown.

You think I'm a clown, Bob?

This play was a gift, Fred.

- A gift to you from God?
- Yes.

Yes. Right out of sleep,
a gift from God.

I see.

So God can speak to you,
but not to me.

Writers have a direct line.

Actors make it all up.

Mark, show the man out, please.

You're a fraud.

I wanna see the priest.

He knows I'm not a fraud.

So God said you were terrific

and that the play
would be a big success.

You saw him say that?

Oh, I didn't see him speak.

I heard him.

But you did see him, sitting there.

As plain as sitting here.

I'll tell you, you're a lucky man, Fred,
to imagine you've seen God.

I'm a lot luckier than that.

I didn't imagine it.

You still don't believe me, do you?

I thought you at least would give me
the benefit of the doubt.

But Fred, I was sitting right there,
I was in the next seat.

And I didn't see him.
I've never seen God.

Well, I guess most priests
have never seen God.

I mean, it's not
a requirement for the job, is it?

Fred, what would you say if I told you
I wasn't a priest?

You're not--? Not a priest?

No.

What are you?

Are you with the National Enquirer?

Oh, no, nothing like that.

I'm...

I'm an angel.

You're an angel?

I see.

I know it sounds crazy.

No, just a--Just a trifle.

I wish you'd take my word for it.

Why?

Did you take my word?

I said I saw God.

I didn't say I was God.

You didn't say you saw an angel.

- You said you are an angel.
- And I am.

Doesn't it make sense to you?

If one of us was going to see God,
wouldn't it more than likely be me?

Well, I'll- I'll tell him that
next time he drops by the theatre.

Are you listening?

Lord?

Great show today.
Standing-room only for a matinee.

Mark,

am I crazy?

Let me help you out of your coat.

My family thinks I'm crazy.

Your friend, Jonathan,
thinks I'm crazy.

What do you think, Mr. Dresser?

- Excuse me, but I got a kid outside.
- Arnold, please.

He wants to see the man
who saw God.

Let him buy a ticket.

Freddy, the kid's
got tumours in his head.

What?

They've got a society for these kids.
They-

They grant last wishes and stuff.

He wants to meet you.

All right.

Hey, Paul.

Paul Garrett, this is Mr. Fusco.

Hello.

Did you really see God?

Yes, I did.

My father says you were only kidding.

Were you kidding?

What was he like?

He was very friendly.

- He came to see the play, you know.
- I read he liked it.

Yes, he said he did.

That made me feel good.
I mean, really good.

I'm gonna see him soon, I think.

Why do you say that?

Because I'm going to die.

That's why I came to see you.
To make sure.

I understand.

I was a little afraid.

There's no need to be.

Thanks.

Anytime.

- Goodbye, Mr. Fusco.
- Goodbye.

Mr. Fusco?

I'll say hi to him for you.

What do you suppose
Fred's sister wants?

I don't know,
we'll find out when we get there.

I wish you had seen that kid.

I'll tell you something, I think
he saw the boss in the third row.

I didn't know who else to call.
I'm going to see his psychiatrist today.

He's gone crazy
ever since this God business.

He's giving away our money, now.

You've got to help us
put a stop to this immediately.

Well, who's he given the money to?

- Bums.
- What bums?

It was in the paper this morning.
One of those ads:

"You can buy a meal
for a dollar-fifty."

- Some soup kitchen.
- And?

And he bought , meals
this morning.

Two thousand.

Look, Father,
I've nothing against God, but...

Oh, I'm sure he'll be very,
very happy to hear that.

- Hey, Fred.
- The riot squad is here.

My sister sent in the troops.

- You all right, Mr. Fusco?
- I'm fine. Fine.

- She tell you about the soup kitchen?
- Oh, yes.

I've gotta tell you something.

All my life I've been on the take.

You know, adulation, money.
Hoarded it all out of fear.

Every show was surely my last.

I'd better store it away.

Well, that's over.

I saw that kid.

He's got problems.

I'd like to give him a call right now.

You know, he's the kind of kid
that I should be helping,

instead of that--
Well, that bum nephew of mine.

I mean, Snuffy calls
these people at the mission, bums.

They're not real bums.
My nephew is a real bum.

Hello, Paul Garrett's room.

Yes?

What?

No, that's impossible.

Well, I was--

Thank you.

What's wrong?

He didn't wake up this morning.

Fred, as your lawyer and your friend,
I must tell you,

I find this very extreme.

Now, that's the stocks,
that's the bank account,

the house, the works.

All goes to the endowment.

And it all goes in the name
of Paul Garrett.

Right.

And do me a favour.

Get the paperwork done as quickly
as possible, before Snuffy finds out.

- Is tonight too late?
- Oh, perfect.

You can sign the papers
at the theatre.

All right, I'll be there
with my pen at the ready.

- See you tonight.
- Gentlemen, let's go to the theatre.

Hello, Mrs. Davis, this is Ed.

I'm fine. I'm fi--

Is my mother there?

Yes, thank you, thank you.

Hello, Mother.
We have major trouble over here-

I don't care if you have points
in your hand.

I'm talking major trouble, Mother.

Uncle Fred wants to give away
all our money.

Mother?

Mother?

Hello?

Hello?

Come on,
the curtain is about to go up

and now you discover this machine
isn't working? Didn't you check it?

- It was working fine.
- Oh, that's great.

How are we gonna end the show?

If Fusco doesn't rise off the stage
and go to meet his maker,

how do we end the show?

- Beats me.
- It's the finale! It is the last thing!

- We could pray.
- No, no. Oh, no, you're gonna pray.

You're gonna pray because
you've got one hour and minutes

before you never work again.
So fix it!

Snuffy, your brother has threatened
to k*ll himself before.

But never at the theatre.
It's a sacred place to him.

- This time the man means it.
- Uncle Fred is very depressed.

- He claims nobody believes him.
- But is he a danger to himself?

- Is he really that far gone?
- What kind of a psychiatrist are you?

A man who is trying to give away
everything he owns.

Who says God likes his show,

and who threatened to k*ll himself
at the theatre tonight.

How far gone do you have to be?

Do you want my brother's death
on your hands?

I want him committed.

Okay.

We'll go get him,
I'll call the ambulance.

Five minutes.

- See my lawyer yet?
- No.

Will you relax?

You don't sign tonight,
you can sign them tomorrow.

Tomorrow it will be too late, too late.

Here you go.

Jonathan?

Remember, in the restaurant

you told me you're an angel?

Yeah, I remember.

I didn't believe you.

I'm sorry.

What made you change your mind?

He just told me.

I know that no one believes me
about God coming to see the show.

I just wish I wouldn't die
with everybody thinking I was crazy.

Come on, Fred.
Why do you keep talking about dying?

He said he'd catch
the show again tonight.

One minute. Places, everybody.

One minute.

Everything's looking good.

He's here.

Let me know
as soon as the papers are here.

How's he doing?

He says the boss is out there.

I'll be back in a minute.

Curtain.

Come in.

You're telling me I'm gonna die?

- May I see your ticket, sir?
- Everybody dies.

You're in row .

- Thirteen?
- Yes.

- I'm very sorry.
- How soon?

You don't think that they watch?

Look, I don't know if you're here,
but that man up there says you are.

I don't even know
if he is in his right mind or what--

I'm sorry.

Every life is important.

Some lives aren't worth a nickel.

Look, if you are here
you gotta do something.

He thinks he's gonna die,
like he knows.

I mean, you can't just let him die
with everybody thinking he's crazy.

If you let him see you,
you must have had a reason.

It couldn't be just
to have people laughing at him.

Please help him.

Do something to let the world know
Fred Fusco isn't just a kook.

If you are here, thanks for listening.

Why did I bother?

With what?

Living.

You have a nephew.

- That's what I bothered for?
- Have you ever talked to your wife?

Where have you been?

Talking to an empty seat.

I thought you said
you didn't believe him.

- Never mind what I said.
- Beckwith.

Great, you're here.
He's been asking for you.

He'll be off in about five minutes.

Come on,
I'll take you to dressing room.

- Snuffy, what are you doing here?
- Hello, Father.

That is Doctor Mallish.
I'm having Fred committed.

But why?

You know very well why.

Look, don't do it here.
Not in front of everybody, please.

You always say I'm fine and I'd miss
no matter how you'd see it.

All right.

I'll take you to his dressing room.

The act ends in a minute.

This can't be right. I don't remember
his dressing room being down here.

Well, they changed it.
It's a lot cooler down here.

Here you go.
The light switch is on the far wall.

Sorry.

Hey, is somebody there?

Somebody open the door!

Ed, do something!

I don't want to die, I want to live!

Never better, Fred. They love you.

Yeah.

- Have you got it fixed?
- The whole rigging's come apart.

Great, that's just great.

Beckwith. Pen.

- He's here.
- Who's here?

God.

That's why it was so important
to have these papers signed.

Freddy, forget your harness tonight.
The thing's gone haywire.

We'll wait for your cue line
at the end.

And you look up
and we'll pull the curtain.

Fine.

Everything's fine.

- Help me.
- We're in here.

- Hey, who's in there?
- We are in here. We are in here.

Relax, I'll go get the keys.

What's happening?

- Everything has stopped.
- Nothing stopped for them.

My heart's not beating.

No. And they're between heartbeats.

That's me.

- I'm dead.
- Yes.

Sorry I took so long, but
I couldn't find the maintenance man.

Which way am I going?

- I don't know.
- That's up to him.

It's a judgement call.

Judgement.

I haven't always been the--

I haven't always been the best.

I know that.

But I tried.

I tried to be the best
with everything I had.

I didn't know you cared.

I used to speak to you

when I was very young, in the dark

and wish for things.

But the things that I wished for
never seemed to come about.

So I figured you weren't listening.

And, after a while,
I stopped talking to you.

Stopped wishing.

But I'm wishing now.

God.

I'm wishing that you
won't leave me alone in the dark.

Are you listening?

Lord?

Okay, bring it in.

Get that curtain closed.

You heard him, bring it in, come on.

It's stuck!

Send him down.

We didn't send him up.

We're on our way.
I just wanted to say goodbye.

Did you read the papers?

Yeah, I read them.

Well, a man just doesn't disappear.

I'll tell you, this is no hoax.

I don't care what the papers say.

They weren't there.

Does it really matter
what the papers say?

What matters is your play
changed that man's life

and the lives of a lot of other people.

Yeah.

I'll hate to see it close.

Why would it close?

Corcoran's been on the phone
all morning.

He can't get anyone
to take Fusco's role.

They figure
he's an impossible act to follow.

You'll find someone.

The play's gonna run a long time
and it's gonna be a big hit.

What makes you so sure?

Because God likes it.

You take care.
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