Wow, what a story.
- Good, eh?
- Fantastic.
I mean, what a writer.
What a woman.
Well, got any idea
what our next assignment is yet?
Well, sure,
I thought you'd never ask.
- You mean you know?
- Yeah, why do you act so surprised?
Because every time I ask you
what the next assignment is,
you say something like,
"I don't know.
All I know is that
we're supposed to be here."
Does the name Natasha Gudonov
ring a bell?
Does the name Natasha Gudonov
ring a bell?
Are you kidding? She's my favourite.
That's who I've been reading.
Here, listen to this.
"The Krakov Caper:
The True Story of Secret Agent
Roger Bolt by Natasha Gudonov."
"Natasha Gudonov.
A woman that is the envy of all women
and desired by all men.
Tall, blond, mysterious,
sultry, beautiful.
As alluring as she is deadly.
A former double agent
from Moscow."
Her real name is Helen Hopnagel
and she's a former fast-food waitress
from Milwaukee.
- You're kidding.
- No, I'm not kidding.
Well, she still looks like this though,
right?
- That's all that counts.
- Mark.
Well, you know, all I mean is,
what does it matter what her name is?
She needs help.
I mean, this is a person
whose prayers need answering.
I mean, it's a crummy job,
but somebody's gotta do it.
And we will do it, Jonathan,
because she is our assignment.
No, she's not our assignment.
Don't say that.
Well, Mark,
she's not our assignment.
- I asked you not to say that.
- Oh, come on, don't sulk.
I'm not sulking.
All right, I am sulking.
You get me all worked up
about Natasha Gudonov and then--
All I did was ask
if her name rang a bell, that's all.
Well, it did, it did.
It rang a whole lot of bells, okay?
So wanna know
what our assignment is?
No.
All right, yes.
What's our assignment?
- Birdy Belker.
- What?
- Birdy Belker.
- What is a Birdy Belker?
Birdy Belker is the person
that really writes those stories
about Roger Bolt.
And all the other stories
that say written by Natasha Gudonov.
Birdy Belker is our assignment.
Have you got that story done yet?
No.
Isn't there something
you can do about that cold?
You've had it for months.
- It's hay fever.
- Don't be absurd.
There isn't any hay around here.
All there is is that dying plant.
Can't you get rid of it?
It needs me.
Well, I need you to finish that story.
Natasha Gudonov
doesn't miss deadlines.
- Yes, Miss Hopnagel.
- Don't ever call me that.
No, no, no. I'm sorry, Miss--
Belker,
do you have Natasha's story yet?
Almost, Mr. Crump.
Crumpy, darling.
Oh, Natasha, my darling.
Kiss, kiss, Crumpy.
Now, listen,
you don't worry about the story.
You take all the time you need,
Natasha.
Nonsense, Crumpy darling.
Belker here
is almost finished writing--
I mean, typing it.
- Aren't you, Belker, sweetie?
- Yes, Miss Hop--
You ought to do something
about that cold, Belker.
- You'll infect half the office.
- Oh, it's hay fever.
And you ought to get rid
of that plant too. It's dead.
- It's dormant.
- Well, then it d*ed in its sleep.
It needs me.
Yeah, and I need you too,
because my girl's out sick,
and I need these retyped
by tomorrow morning,
unless you have some other plans
for the evening?
No, I don't have any other plans.
I better get out of here
before I catch pneumonia.
Yes.
Natasha,
can I buy you some dinner tonight?
No, thank you, Crumpy, darling,
I have that press party tonight.
Oh, yes, yes, yes, of course.
Birdy Belker.
A meek, -year-old lady
with no gentlemen callers,
no girl friends
and no plans for the evening.
She has nothing but a dead plant
and the stories she writes
about the man of her dreams:
Secret Agent Roger Bolt.
Every night, she goes home alone
to an empty, dark apartment,
where she has a cup of bouillon
and a doughnut
and pores over stacks of declassified
government documents,
looking for references
to Secret Agent Roger Bolt,
who's been dead since .
She does the same thing
every night.
Except Friday night,
when she has dinner with her parents.
And every Friday night, they ask her
the same three questions.
- So how was work this week?
- Fine, just fine.
- How's the car running?
- Good, Pop. Real good.
Did you meet any men?
No, Ma.
Then her mother tells her
how old she is.
You're years old, Birdy.
- Her mother tells her what time it is.
- It's later than you think.
- Then she does the tick-tock speech.
- You have a biological clock, Birdy.
Maybe you can't hear it ticking,
but I can.
Birdy doesn't answer her mother.
She waits for her father to do that.
- She'll meet a man.
- When?
- When the right one comes along.
- And what if he doesn't?
Birdy, you've got to go out
and find a man.
- She should take a class.
- I've taken classes, Ma.
- She's taken classes.
- You call those classes?
She took a rudeness class.
Assertiveness training, Ma.
Yeah, and the hocking
and the chopping class.
- Self-defence for single women.
- Single women?
And who do you think
you're gonna meet at a class
called "self-defence
for single women"?
Single men? No.
A whole room full of single women
with biological clocks,
hocking and chopping
at imaginary single men.
- And then her mother rests her case.
- I rest my case.
How are we gonna handle this one,
kemosabe?
What do you mean?
I mean, what are we gonna do? Are
we gonna get a job on her magazine?
Are we gonna move in next to her?
Are we gonna do repairs?
How are we gonna get close enough
to help her?
According to you, she's shy and timid
and scared of everything.
I don't know
how we're gonna get close enough
even to strike up
a conversation with her.
I mean, all she does
is talk to dead plants.
Well, we can't handle this
the usual way, that's for sure.
I think the best thing
is to just be honest with her.
Tell her who we are
and that we're here to help her.
- Direct approach, huh?
- Right.
Yeah, you're probably right.
Shy and timid as she is,
she'd probably only talk to an angel.
Oh, my gosh.
- That's her.
- That poor, shy thing.
Well, let's go.
Excuse me, miss.
- Freeze, dirtbag!
- What?
Freeze, I said.
One more step and you're dead meat.
I'm trained in martial arts
and this is lethal gas.
- Birdy, we're not muggers.
- Stay where you are, street scum.
How'd you know my name?
I know a lot about you, Birdy.
You see, I'm an angel.
You expect me to believe that, bozo?
- He's telling you the truth, miss--
- Stay back, punk. I'm warning you.
Miss, there's nothing to be afraid of.
You asked for it, you big gorilla.
Birdy, Birdy.
Birdy, it's breath spray. You took
the wrong can out of your purse.
Now, look, miss.
Birdy, will you listen to me?
r*pe!
Birdy!
Now, listen to me.
I'm an angel and I can prove it.
Go up to your apartment
and look at your plant.
My plant? What's with my plant?
Just go up and look at your plant.
Don't move. I'm warning you.
Don't move.
I hate this assignment.
Oh, come on, Jon.
Why don't we just forget it?
I mean, some people don't want help.
Some people are beyond help.
Now, come on, Mark,
you just saw her.
Oh, tell me about it.
How did you do that to my plant?
I told you, I'm an angel.
That's right, you told me.
But you really are?
As God is my witness.
I hope your stomach is feeling better.
Yeah, it's a lot better.
I should be back on solid food
two, three years.
Oh, gosh, it's all my fault.
Some people
aren't meant to be assertive.
This kind of thing happens to me
all the time.
I should just stick to what I am.
A mouse.
Oh, come on, Birdy, that's not true.
Oh, yes, it is.
A man asked me to lunch once.
He just wanted
to sell me life insurance,
but my mother convinced me
that it was a real date.
I wanted my breath
to be kissing sweet.
I grabbed the wrong can then too.
- You mean you--?
- Yeah, I Maced myself.
People in the emergency room
were very nice.
They said it happens all the time,
but I could hear them laughing outside.
Birdy, the other day,
what did you pray for?
What do you mean?
When you said your prayers,
what did you ask for?
The usual.
God bless my mother
and father and everyone I love,
and for there
to be peace in the world.
But you asked for something
for yourself too.
How did you know?
You prayed
that you'd learn how to live.
Not just exist. I mean really live.
And that's why we're here.
You mean you're both angels?
No, no, no, he is. I'm an ex-cop.
Now, what do you want for yourself?
Well, not much.
I don't want money or glory.
I don't really care that Natasha
puts her name on everything I write.
But all I want...
I want someone to share things with.
I guess I want the same thing
my mother wants for me.
That's gonna be pretty hard to find
just sticking around
your own apartment all the time.
You know what you ought to do?
You ought to join a club or something.
That way,
you'll meet a bunch of people
who are all interested
in the same thing.
By the way,
what are you interested in?
Espionage.
Well, forget the club.
I know it sounds crazy,
but that's what I really
am interested in.
I love espionage.
And Roger Bolt.
Yeah, especially Roger Bolt.
That's him.
What, you mean,
you really knew him?
Oh, no, no. He d*ed in .
But I know more about him
than anyone.
I know every case
that's ever been declassified.
I know what his favourite food was.
Angel hair pasta in a white sauce
with caviar on top.
And his favourite drink.
Vodka martini on the rocks
with three olives.
I know the way
that he would tilt his head and say,
"Bolt's the name. Roger Bolt."
Roger Bolt.
Oh, you know,
sometimes I dream that it's
and I meet him on the Orient Express
halfway to Istanbul.
He's in trouble.
He's being followed, he needs a cover.
He sees me sitting alone
in the dining car sipping espresso.
He races over to me and says,
"My name is Bolt. Roger Bolt."
And I say,
"My name is Belker. Birdy Belker."
And what happens then?
The alarm clock goes off.
You know, Birdy, fantasies are fine,
but what you need in your life
is the real thing.
Not some secret agent
that d*ed years ago.
Yeah, I know.
I heard that radio psychologist once,
Dr. Ruth Eastheimer,
talk about fantasy lovers.
She calls them ghostly lovers.
Someone you make up
or someone you can never have.
Someone you spend your whole life
looking for, waiting for.
Yeah, someone who keeps you
from meeting the real thing.
Yeah.
She said the only way
you can get rid of a ghostly lover
is to live out the fantasy.
Well, you know, like,
kind of see what the pitfalls would be
if you ever were really
to meet the guy.
Wanna know how hopeless I am?
There was an article
in the paper today
that they found Roger Bolt's car
in a bonded warehouse
and they're gonna auction it off.
For a second, I even thought
about going down and buying it.
What stopped you?
Mark,
it's a Aston Martin DB .
Not exactly my style.
Well,
maybe it ought to be your style.
Mark, I really don't think
a sports car is the answer.
Sure it is.
Some women go out
and buy a new dress
to cheer themselves up,
or a new hat.
You know, a swanky car like this
might just be the ticket.
Give her a whole new outlook on life.
Mark, I really don't--
Roger Bolt's car.
Birdy Belker in Roger Bolt's car?
Birdy,
maybe you should just take a class.
Oh, no, no.
Excuse me
for disagreeing with an angel,
but I think your friend here is right.
I think you're right.
English, please.
You know, it is very dangerous for us
to be meeting like this.
It's much more dangerous for me.
I don't have diplomatic immunity.
So, what is so urgent?
This.
They found Roger Bolt's car.
They're auctioning it off tomorrow.
So?
The Krakov papers.
We never found them
on Bolt's body.
We didn't find them in his apartment
and we never found the car.
Now, that's where they must be.
He must have hid them in the car.
What does it matter?
It's been almost years.
Popovitch is dead already.
But I'm not.
Now, if someone
gets ahold of those papers
and puts two and two together,
it'll lead directly to me.
And to you, Boris.
Our whole network.
We can't afford that.
We cannot allow that car to fall
into anybody else's hands but ours.
You may be right, comrade.
I'll see to it that the car is stolen
before the auction.
No.
It'll create too much suspicion.
We'll just buy the car.
Right.
It's very possible
that they would have somebody there
watching
to see who's doing the bidding.
This whole thing could be a trap.
You'll work
through a purchasing agent.
You won't meet him directly.
Your only contact with him
will be by phone.
He will bid for you
as an anonymous buyer.
Now, don't worry about it.
It's done all the time. It won't create
the least bit of suspicion.
All right, comrade.
I'll see to the arrangements myself.
Whatever happens, Boris,
we have to get that car.
One way or the other.
Well, where are they?
I don't know.
She just said to wait for her.
I wish they'd hurry up.
Come on, you're just miffed
because it was my idea to buy the car.
- I'm not miffed.
- Come on, you are, you're miffed.
You heard
what she said on the phone.
Her father's behind her percent.
He's gonna help her buy the car.
I'm telling you, Jonathan, pizzazz.
Just what the doctor ordered,
pizzazz.
- I just hope you're right.
- What does that mean?
- It means I just hope you're right.
- But you don't think so, huh?
- I just have a feeling, that's all.
- What kind of feeling?
I don't know.
Look, it's not as simple
as just buying a car.
There's something more here.
Some...
- Some kind of presence.
- Jonathan.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Jonathan Smith, Mark Gordon,
these are my parents,
Mr. and Mrs. Belker.
Oh, so you're the gardener?
- I beg your pardon?
- I told you he's an angel, Ma.
Nice, maybe. Angel? We'll see.
I think we'd better go in.
Listen, angel.
I've gone along with this
because it makes my baby happy.
I don't know who you are, fella,
but you keep your hands off her plants
until you're married.
Her plants?
All those wishing to bid today
must register here
and obtain a number.
Welby, of Welby and Shelby.
I'm a purchasing agent.
I'll be bidding for my client
who wishes to remain anonymous.
I'll require a telephone.
Of course, Mr. Welby.
Sixty-five hundred going once,
going twice.
Do I hear any other bids?
Sold to the gentleman in back
for $ , .
The next classic up for bid
is this Aston Martin DB ,
owned by the late Roger Bolt.
The car has been warehoused
since and will be sold as is.
We make no guarantees
about its mechanical condition.
We will start the bidding at $ , .
Do I hear $ , ?
Are you bidding, ma'am?
You'll have to hold
the card up higher.
Now, don't be timid.
That's it.
I have $ , .
- Four thousand.
- Four thousand. Do I hear five?
- Five.
- Five.Thank you. Do I hear six?
Ten thousand dollars.
Ten thousand dollars. Do I hear ?
Going once and twice.
- Eleven.
- Eleven, going once, going twice.
Fifteen thousand dollars.
Fifteen. Do I hear a ?
Sixteen. Do I hear ?
Pop, what will we do?
Go ahead. We can go up to ,
but that's all I've got.
- Sixteen thousand.
- Sixteen thousand.
I have .
Seventeen thousand.
Seventeen, I have .
Do I hear ? Eighteen?
It's the chance of a lifetime.
To own the car
of the legendary Roger Bolt.
Eighteen thousand.
- Eighteen. Eighteen thousand.
- Eighteen.
- Should I go ?
- Eighteen.
- Eighteen, I have .
- Nineteen.
Nineteen, I have .
Do I hear , ?
Nineteen thousand
nine hundred ninety-nine ninety-nine.
Nineteen thousand
nine hundred ninety-nine ninety-nine.
Are there any more bids?
- Do we have any more bids?
- The bid is at $ , .
Shall I go higher, sir?
Hello?
Oh, my God.
Nineteen thousand
nine hundred ninety-nine ninety-nine.
Going once. Going twice.
Sold to the little lady.
I don't know how to thank you, Pop.
It's okay. I love you.
And I love you too.
Just drive it around
till you meet somebody.
There you are, my dear.
Not a fingerprint on it.
- Drive it in good health.
- Oh, yeah.
Why don't we follow you?
Make sure you get home okay.
These foreign jobs
can be a little tricky sometimes.
- Thanks.
- Okay, just take it slow.
Okay.
Did you see her face?
I'm telling you, it's pizzazz.
Yeah, you told me
and I went along with it.
Then what's wrong?
I don't know.
I've just got this feeling again.
It's just something about that car.
Come on, baby.
Come on. Start for Birdy.
If you don't mind my saying,
I think it could use more choke.
Oh, yeah.
You're... You're...
The name's Bolt. Roger Bolt.
Let's get her in a chair.
Yup.
Jonathan, what is going on?
I mean, one minute, she's fine,
the next minute, she's passing out.
- Is she okay?
- She's gonna be fine, don't worry.
I'll tell you in a minute.
Let's get her some water.
Yeah, right.
Oh, it's all right,
he's already getting it.
- Who?
- Him.
Jonathan,
that's you doing that, right?
- I mean, with the stuff?
- Doing what?
The water.
I mean, you're doing that, right?
No, no, I told you, that's him.
Him?
Him? What do you mean him?
It'll be all right. Oh, thanks, Roge.
Come on, now, wake up.
Try to wake up, have a little water.
You poor thing.
You look as if you've seen a ghost.
A ghost.
Oh, not again.
A ghost? Where?
Well, there.
- Who?
- Him.
- Who him?
- "Him" him.
Who "him" him?
Will you stop asking me questions
till I can get Birdy to stay conscious
for more
than five seconds at a time, huh?
Look, Birdy, wake up.
Come on, wake up.
Don't pass out again
until I can tell you what's going on.
Jonathan, will you just answer me
one question?
Is there a ghost in here?
Yes.
I'll see you later.
Oh, Mark, come on.
Why are you so scared?
Why? He's dead.
Well, so am I.
Yeah, but I can see you.
I can't see him.
I can see him.
Birdy, you're awake.
Birdy Belker,
I'd like you to meet Roger Bolt.
The ghost of Roger Bolt.
I'll wait for you in the car.
Nice meeting you, Roge.
- Pleasure was mine.
- Well, he can't hear you either.
No, Birdy is the only mortal
who can see you or hear you.
Why?
Because you're the one
he's haunting.
Oh, don't put it like that, old chap.
Don't think of it as haunting.
Think of it as, well, hanging around.
I don't understand.
You see, Birdy,
some spirits, when their bodies die,
just aren't ready to go.
Up there?
Or down there. That hasn't been
decided in your case, Roger.
I'm sorry, I don't make the rules.
He does.
Yes, of course.
When you do see him,
you just might mention
that I don't take well
to tropical climes.
Prickly heat. I get a rash.
Well, why is he haunting me?
You bought the car.
Roger goes with the car.
Don't I get any say in this?
- I'm afraid not, Roger.
- How about me?
Oh, yeah, you can get rid of the car.
But then he'll haunt
whoever I give the car to?
That's right.
Hello. What's this?
"The Krakov Caper:
True Story of Secret Agent Roger Bolt
by Natasha Gudonov."
Natasha Gudonov?
Birdy, darling, here's a thought
just popped in, as it were.
Why don't you give me--?
Give the car
to this splendid creature?
Seems she's a fan of mine already,
this Natasha Gudonov.
Looks good enough for me.
I'm Natasha Gudonov.
You're...?
You're remarkably photogenic,
I must say.
Oh, no, no, no.
That's Helen Hopnagel.
Mr. Crump puts her picture
on the stories
because he thinks
that she writes them,
but I'm the true keeper
of the flame of Roger Bolt.
I know every case
that you have ever worked on.
Well, I'm sure you do,
but don't you think
she's more the Aston Martin type?
Birdy, this is your decision to make.
I'm not telling you what to do,
but the boss doesn't usually do things
without a reason.
What do you mean?
Well, this just might be your chance
to get rid of your ghostly lover.
Ghostly lover? Do you mean me?
Yes.
You're my ghostly lover, Roger.
Yeah, but the Roger Bolt
of your dreams
never really existed, Birdy.
You made him up in your mind.
A superhero.
Loving, compassionate, kind.
Tush, tush, old boy.
You'll turn my head.
Who, in real life, was selfish,
egotistical and a womanizer.
Who just may be
getting his last chance
before the boss gives him
a one-way ticket south.
I'll tell you, Birdy, I think you two
just might need each other.
Yeah.
Birdy Belker and Roger Bolt,
together at last.
You let that car
slip through your fingers, you idiot.
I don't know what happened,
but don't worry.
We know who's got the car.
Some woman named Birdy,
Birdy Belker.
- Who is she?
- A nothing, a nobody.
We can take care of her.
Well, there aren't gonna be
any slip-ups this time.
- I'm going with you.
- Just to steal a car?
Not just a car.
We can't take any chances
that this woman found the papers.
She must die.
You're certainly happy this morning.
Oh, yeah. I guess I am.
- I'm in love.
- In love?
Yeah, with my car.
Natasha. Natasha, how are you?
Crumpy, darling.
You know my wife, Mrs. Crump.
Mrs. Crumpy, darling,
how nice to see you.
Yes.
Belker, go get me the Kinley file.
A girl's out sick
and I don't know where she put it.
Yes, Mr. Crump.
Be right back, darling.
Oliver, that girl called you darling.
That's nonsense.
She was probably
just talking to Natasha.
That's right, Mrs. Crumpy, darling.
Let's see.
Where is that story she was writing?
Typing.
Natasha, Helen,
whatever your name is,
why can't you hear?
It's times like this
and women like you
that make a man know
what a drag it is being dead.
Helen, darling,
let's cut the small talk.
- What do you say?
- Oh, no.
No.
Crumpy, control yourself.
Oliver, how could you?
I don't know
what you're talking about.
I didn't touch her.
How could you? Right there--
Right there in front of me?
Birdy, Birdy, Birdy, darling,
it's not what you think.
Oh, no?
I saw you groping that blond bimbo
right there at my desk.
Who are you calling a bimbo?
Oh, please, Clara.
I swear, I didn't touch her.
She's insane.
Jonathan was right.
You're nothing but a womanizer.
Oh, I'm glad I found out.
Now I'm rid of you at last.
You may have gotten rid
of your little tootsie,
but I'll not get out of your life
that easily.
I know a divorce lawyer
that will make Marvin Mitchelson
look like Winnie the Pooh.
Oh, please, Clara, listen.
The girl's demented.
She talks to dead plants.
Clara, please, I--
I've gotta stop her.
- A little late for that.
- Smith, you've gotta talk to her.
Why, so you can
break her heart again?
Smith, you're a man,
you can understand.
I've been in a warehouse
for almost years.
And then to see something
like that Hopnagel.
Roger, you got something most people
never get, a second chance.
And you let it slip
right through your fingers.
And then you walked all over
the only person
who's ever really cared about you.
Please, Smith.
I'll do better next time.
I promise.
There isn't gonna be any next time,
Roger.
She's taking the car
to the warehouse.
When she brings it back,
your second chances are over.
- Birdy, listen to me, please.
- No, Roger.
I'm a person.
I'm not like the furniture.
I've got feelings too.
I know you're a person.
No, I'm more than that, Roger Bolt.
More than just a person.
I'm me, Birdy Belker.
I'm a woman. W-O-M-A-N.
And you,
you got a one-way ticket south, buster,
because I'm getting rid of this car
and everything that's in it.
- What's going on?
- I don't know, just follow.
Birdy, just because a man's been put
on a rather strict diet
doesn't mean
that he can't read the menu.
That's all I was doing, I swear it.
Boy, you might have been able
to sell that can of beans
to the old Birdy Belker.
You're looking at the new Birdy Belker,
a woman scorned.
Birdy, do you know anyone
in an ominous black car
who might be
just the tiniest bit peeved at you?
Don't change the subject.
You're nothing but a cad.
- Bullski.
- It's not bullski.
I saw you nibbling at her neck.
I'm not talking about Hopnagel.
I'm talking about Bullski.
Yeah, you're full of bullski.
Boris Bullski, there.
- He's got a g*n.
- A g*n?
That's Boris Bullski,
the man that k*lled me.
Are you sure?
I've only been k*lled once, darling.
I'm quite sure.
Well, what does he want with me?
The Krakov papers.
I hid them in the car.
They prove that Yuri Popovitch
isn't really a defector,
that he's really a spy.
But Popovitch has been dead
for years.
Really? I didn't even know he was ill.
- Werner.
- Werner?
Werner, the stodgy fellow
from the agency? What about him?
He vouched for Popovitch.
He convinced the agency
that Popovitch was a genuine defector.
So if Popovitch is a spy--
- So is Werner.
- Right.
Right indeed.
That's brilliant.
Well done, darling. Good thinking.
Thank you.
Well done again.
Birdy, my dear,
I underestimated you.
You really are
a most extraordinary woman.
- Did you mean that?
- Yes.
Birdy, there isn't time.
You get out and make a run for it.
All they want is the car.
No. What about you?
If I get rid of the car, you may be in
for a bad case of prickly heat.
Does it matter?
You were gonna do that anyway.
No, no, I wasn't.
I would have cooled down.
I would have changed my mind.
Well, you should have.
I'm everything you said I was.
I don't think I could change
even if I had a second chance.
But you've gotta run now, Birdy,
while there's still time.
You would risk your immortal soul
to save me?
Why not?
You're the only person
who's ever really cared for me.
I'm not leaving you.
- Birdy, you've got to.
- Oh, no.
I always dreamt that we would meet
on the Orient Express
halfway to Istanbul.
Birdy, we're just off
the San Bernardino freeway,
halfway to Barstow.
Whatever.
For the first time in my life,
I don't feel like a mouse.
I feel like I--
All right, out of the car. Out, out.
The name is Belker.
- Birdy Belker.
- Yeah?
Well, they'll get it right
in the morgue.
Now, where are those papers?
I said, where are those papers?
What is the matter with you?
I don't know.
Freeze, dirtbag.
It will take more than mouthwash
to stop Boris Bullski.
Oh, yeah?
My eyes.
Birdy, Birdy, are you all right?
Yeah, yeah.
All right, everybody freeze.
Now, what's going on?
Officer, there are papers in this car
that prove these two men are spies.
Now, put the cuffs on them
and send for the meat waggon.
Roger, we did it. We did it.
- I am no spy. I am a diplomat.
- Roger?
- I need doctor. Doctor.
- Roger?
Darling?
He's gone.
Hey, Jonathan, listen to this.
"The secretary
who came in from the cold.
Typist captures spy ring.
A true story of Birdy Belker."
Who cares about fame and glory?
Where's Roger?
Where's Roger Bolt?
Birdy, he finally met someone he cared
about more than he did himself.
He risked his immortal soul
to save you,
and in so doing, he saved himself.
You mean he's up there?
He must be.
It's all over.
My dream is over.
Now, look, Birdy,
your life's just beginning.
Come on,
it's time to live in the real world.
The real world is lonely, Jonathan.
Very lonely.
Where are you going, Birdy?
I think I'll go for a ride.
At least I still have his car.
See you, fellas.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- No, no, no, it's not your fault.
Oh, yes, it is my fault.
No, you don't have to do that.
You. You.
- What, me?
- Yeah, you.
You're the lady in the newspaper.
You're Birdy Belker.
- Yeah, that's me.
- Yeah, yeah.
Wow, I can't believe this.
This is great.
What a life you've had.
I have to tell you,
it's an honour to meet you.
- Me?
- Yeah.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Alvin Mintz.
- Hi, Alvin.
- Hi.
I'm just moving in here.
- Here?
- Oh, yeah.
Well, I live here.
Great, I'm in -A.
You're kidding. I'm in -C.
Well, maybe we can get together
sometime.
Well, sure.
How about now?
I mean, you know, we're neighbours,
so we can make a casserole
or something.
Yeah, sounds great.
- Let me help.
- Thanks.
Is that your car?
Oh, yeah.
I'm thinking of selling it.
Kind of outgrown it.
Come on.
Okay.
Well, we did it again, kemosabe.
You've gotta admit, my idea worked.
She met someone
and Roger's upstairs.
I gotta hand it to you.
When you're right, you're right.
Well, maybe next time,
you'll take my suggestions.
You know what I mean?
Bolt's the name. Roger Bolt.
Need a lift?