01x03 - Iron Ted Weekend

[bunniefuu]

I'm okay!

Hold up! This is cray-cray.

It is a medical condition.

Chapter très.

And here's a selfie
of me at the resort.

And here's one of me on a lounge
chair at the same resort.

And here, oh, here's
a selfie of me on

- the cruise ship.
- Stop it.

And here's me wearing the hat,

while sitting on
the lounge chair,

- where I found the hat.
- Stop this t*rture! Stop it!

When I asked,

"Crimson, how did you get
here?", I was stalling!

Though that was a
pretty dope hat.

So, you really plan to feed us

to some horrible
tentacle monster?

Oh, yes, darling. Every
delicious inch of you.

Then you leave me no choice

but to unleash my secret w*apon.
Pancho!

- Eh...
- I say the right words,

it triggers him and he's a
k*lling machine assassin type.

Pancho! Elliptical
Schmear butter dish.

- Uh...
- Hmm?

Uh, Patent Leather Flavonoid!

Hmm. Uh...

Baby's Secondhand spittle cup!
Tater Fried Chittlin' Grease!

Flosodgate Sugar Fingers.

You don't remember
the right words

to trigger him, do
you, King Julien?

Of course, I do. They're...
Nope.

Oh, too bad, Ju-Ju-bear.

Enjoy your cage.

Come on, girls. Let's
go prepare the feast.

What? I can't just trigger myself.
I'm not that kinda guy!

I've lost my crown. My kingdom.

And now, I've lost
the words to trigger

a hardcore k*lling
machine assassin.

I'm useless.

There's hope. Ted's still out there.
He could save us.

I think Crimson completely
forgot about him.

- Ted?
- Who's Ted?

Oh. Oh.

Keep searching.

Queen Crimson wants the fourth
one for the sacrifice as well.

Oh, I can't believe Koto is
going to k*ll all the lemurs

once we finish his statue!

So? What's the big deal?

I say, we let Koto destroy
all these losers.

Yeah, yeah. Can we help?

Or, at least watch.

No! We have a responsibility
to our beloved King Julien,

to save his kingdom
and his peoples.

Everybody, shush!

Hi.

We need a meeting with all.
Split up and spread the word.

On three. Break.

The abode of my master
stands under your feet.

Behold the splendor

of his most sagacious Majesty,

Keeper of the Secrets Eternal,
Guardian of the Ultimate w*apon,

Flame of Knowledge
ensconced in Living Flesh.

Great! We're gonna get
that Ultimate w*apon.

And then I'm gonna go
back to the Kingdom

and use it on Koto and all
of his mountain lemurs.

Yeah! Let's do this!

Patience is the fanny
pack of wisdom.

It can only be unzipped
when the time is nigh.

Hmm. Hmm?

Oi. Freak show.

We're looking for the
Guardian of the Ultimate...

- Master.
- Where?

That?

Good. He likes you.

Oh, I hate being lost.
I just hate it!

Oh, lemur up, Ted. You
are Theodore Pantskin,

Assistant Captain of
the Ringtail Guard.

Say now, I just k*lled that mean,
old scorpion, like a boss!

Like a beast! Like a...
A warrior!

I wonder what else
a warrior does.

A warrior makes his own fire.

Oh!

As a warrior, I
hunt my own food.

Burn, you naughty sticks.
Burn, you!

I have created fire!

A warrior was born
to take action!

Hmm?

Yikes.

Ha!

No, I don't wanna wear
those shoes, mommy. k*ll!

Wow! Food really does taste
better when you k*ll it yourself.

Hooty-hoo. Hooty-hoo.

Owl noises. Owl noises.

Dog noises. Dog noises.

Owl noises.

So, what you're saying is that

they plan to k*ll us once
we all finish that statue?

That can't be right!

And why would Mort lie to us?

Because he's jealous of my Todd.

Todd! King Koto loves you, baby.

Show all these losers here

what a great dance you're
gonna perform for King Koto

when he takes you as his
rightful son and heir. Now!

Yes, mother.

Todd!

Continue, little man.

We have to escape.

We gotta dig a
tunnel to freedom.

Our lives depend on it.

Oh, you would not believe
the weekend I'm having.

King Julien? Pancho?

Butterscotch knickers, you don't
think they left me, do you?

Oh!

Oh, golly! What's that? Oh!

Hey, you! Get down now!
Over here! Hide!

I said shush now, silly man!
Here they come!

- Aw, sheesh, that smarts!
- I'm not even touching you.

That doesn't make it
right, sweetheart!

Oh! Ju-Ju? Are you all right?

I can't have my prime
sacrifice bruised.

No, the tentacle
must be satiated.

Oh, this is horrible.

Oh, you got that right, bub.

Them sirens is gonna
feed your friends

to a giant tentacle that lives
on this here island, son.

How do you know that?

Oh, cher, I make it
my job to know stuff.

And I listens. That's how come
I've stayed alive this long.

Wowser. Huh. Hi, I'm Ted.

Snake. They call me that on
the accounts of my mustache

looking like a
serpent-y old snake.

Looks more like a sea cucumber,
if you ask me. Ow! Oh.

Who's asking me? Nobody.
That's who.

Snake.

Snake. Of course, it's a snake!

Snake.

It will take teamwork.

Horst, I need you
watching the south tower.

Stay focused and alert.

And, Willie, watch the guard
house for any activity.

I'll make my way to the toolshed

where they keep the shovels
and supplies we'll need

to dig to freedom.

Staying on target is everything.

Once at the shed, I'll meet
up with special operatives,

Masikura and Maggie
the Unwashed.

They will blink
through the walls

and unlock the door
from the inside.

I am not blinking in there

if she's blinking in there.
She smells.

Not true.

That one just kinda slipped out.

Hi.

What you do out here?

I, uh... I came out to...

Is that the key to
the toolshed door?

Yes. I keeper of key.

- Ooh.
- Now, why you outside the fence?

Because, I wanted to find you.

I-I'm in love with you!

I mean, you are a woman, right?

I am Zora.

I am all woman.

Great! Well, um, let's
get right to it then!

I want your freakishly
large paw in marriage.

Really? That's the best
you could come up with?

I think it's romantical.

Get a pre-nup!

Just shut up, guys. I'm
doing the best I can here.

So whaddya say, tall and muscley?
You wanna get hitched?

I have come for the powerful
w*apon you are said to possess.

May I please have the w*apon?

"I'll just feed you
to the giant tentacle

as a sacrifice, Ju-ju-bear."

But I am so young and handsome.

Look at these haunches!
Perfection!

Seeing you like this, all
fattened up, awaiting sacrifice.

Oh!

It has really stirred my
feelings for you, Ju-Ju.

And that is why I want to offer
you a chance to be mine again.

If you promise to be loyal
and faithful to me,

I won't have you sacrificed to
the evil-weevil, giant tentacle.

Uh...

I don't know. Uh, you know,
this place doesn't look so bad.

Then again, not a big fan of being
eaten by a tentacle monster.

I'm all yours, Crimson.

Oh, Maraschino cherries!
What was that?

That, cher, is the sound
of certain death.

And that is for sure,
let me tell you now.

Well, that did it.
Fear-tinkled all over.

Snake.

If you wish hand in marriage,
you must fight me to the death.

Not sure that makes a lot of sense,
but okey-dokey. How do we...

Stay down, little one.

- No one ever make Zora move.
- Finish him! Finish him! Finish him!

Finish him! Finish him! Finish him!
Finish him!

Finish him! Fin...

Uh, excuse me? Master...
Whatever your name is.

Can I just have the
ultimate w*apon?

So, we can just... We can leave.

w*apon? Save my king's kingdom?

The Great and All Knowing Master
likes it if you say, "please."

Huh. Right. Okay.

Please? Please. There.
Said it twice, so w*apon?

He must really like you.

I studied for 10 years with him

before he flung mud at me.
Lucky.

If any of you girls have a
problem with me, your Queen,

keeping this one as my
schmookie-bear-lemur-boy,

then speak up now, or zip it.

I didn't think so.

Um...

Crimson, my one and only.
My love. My dove?

Yes, angel-lashes?

Isn't there some other way?

I mean, we don't have to sacrifice
Pancho and Maurice, do we?

If we don't feed it, it eats us.

And, I simply can't have that.
Kick it up a notch, girls!

You gotta be kidding me!

My friends, a bunch
of sacrifices?

Somebody's gotta do something.

Don't look at me
like that, Snake.

Look at you like what, cher?

Like that.

Oh, I don't rightly know what
you're talkin' bout, Ted.

Oh, Snake, you do so!

You're trying to get me
to take on that tentacle!

Them's your words, Teddy bear.
Not mine.

Okay, I'm getting really
uncomfortable here.

I feel so alive. You
feel that way, too?

- Oh, sure.
- Probably 'cause I got gas.

You melt heart, Mort. Melt it.

Zora? My sweet? My little cabbage?
My egg with eyes?

Oh, Mort, I want to cuddle.

Forgive me, darling.

Now we have all the tools
we need to dig to freedom.

What you're saying is, to get
him to stop acting like...

that, all I need to do is
be more patient with him?

Affirmation of the
pony to the unicorn

is a bowing curtsy
of horn kisses.

You could just say yes, Sage.

Yes, Sage.

Okay. Okay. I will try.

No. That's okay, little fella.
I don't want any of your dirt

or your mud or whatever that is.

What I do want, is-is a way to
help my king, remember him?

King Julien? Yeah?

So, I swore an oath to
protect and serve him.

And I failed. I just want a
chance to make it right.

To recapture his
kingdom for him.

So, if you have a special
w*apon that could help me,

I would be extremely
grateful if you...

Oi, I came all this way for a
w*apon and I want that w*apon!

So much v*olence.

What can a lemur do against
such reckless hate?

Rage is the voice of the sun

when b*rned by the tears
of an angry moonbeam.

Now is not the time for one
of your nonsense lines, Sage.

Sage?

Clover.

The Jarsh-Jarsh has been testing
you as the leaf is tested

by falling too
near the outhouse.

The Jarsh-Jarsh sees your anger.

But now, the test is over.

You have failed.

The Jarsh-Jarsh cannot give
you the w*apon you seek.

Then, I have truly lost.

Stop! Stop the music!

You are not sacrificing
my friends!

At least, not without
sacrificing me.

What?

Okay, so it's not a great plan.

But at least if I'm going out,

I'm going out
alongside my friends.

Fine. If that's the way
you want it, Ju-Ju.

That is the way you
shall have it.

Bring me the ritual feast, that
I may commence the sacrifice!

Dinner is served!

Tentacle, tentacle, tentacle,
feast, feast, feast.

Tentacle, tentacle, tentacle,
feast, feast, feast.

Tentacle, tentacle, tentacle,
feast, feast, feast.

As the beast shall
feast, so shall I.

Crimson, Queen of Siren Island!

Snap! They got Ted.

Oh, the heck they
did, Your Majesty!

I came to chew honey
cakes and kick butt!

And, I'm all outta honey cakes!
'Cause, I ate 'em.

I can't control myself
when they're around.

Right, it's warrior time!

Ow!

Oh, sheesh.

It's got suckers.

Hold still, Pancho!

Take that, missy. And that,
too-much-makeup girl!

Chips and dip! Gotta
save King Julien!

I'll get that spear, y'all.

Snake! Alley-oop!

Take that, you naughty beast!

Oh, you are one nasty boy! Oh,
get those suckers off of me!

Oh, that is it! Get fresh
with me, will you!

I don't think so!

Take that! And that as well!

Okay, look. I'm
gonna let you live.

But, you owe me, Mr. Tentacle.

From now on, you are vegetarian.

Full vegan. You big silly!

Wow! Ted! Gotta say,

that was some sick twisted
action makajalaka. Inspiring!

I mean, if you can
find the courage

to fight like that, we all can.
I can!

Thanks, King J.

Truth is, I couldn't
have done it

without my friend, Snake.

He was with me the whole time.
You guys need to meet him.

Snake? Where'd he get to?

Uh, Ted, there's
nobody there, man.

Just you. There
wasn't anybody else.

Trust fall! Catch me, Snake!

Really need you to
spot me here, Snake.

Snake! Alley-oop!

You mean, I was the
hero of my own story?

The man inside of me
was me all along?

With the tentacle
monster defeated,

no one has to be
sacrificed anymore.

You can stay, Schmookie bear,

and live in paradise forever
with me as your lady love.

Crimson, as tempting as it
is to stay on an island

full of beautiful
lemur ladies...

Aw, yeah! Lemur
ladies, here I come!

I have to say no.

What'd ya say? What?

I now know that my
kingdom and my people

are more important
than my own life.

I have to fight for my kingdom

and take it back,
no matter what!

We're leaving.

Looks like you ladies lost.
We're going home.

Snake.

Hmm?