Chris in the Morning on
K-Bear, senors and senoritas.
Blood drive, day five,
coming into the home stretch.
Let's keep those blood bags dripping.
Last count, 300 and climbing.
Bleed on, Cicely!
Okay, I got a few blood week updates here.
Ed Chigliak's Dracula film
fest keeps on keepin'on.
Tonight's big "D"is Christopher Lee
in the '58 remake of the '30s classic.
First 25 in the door, show your Band-Aid, get a free
V8 and a One-A-Day, courtesy of Ruth-Anne Miller.
Thank you, Ruth-Anne.
Come on down, folks.
Next pint you need may be your own.
That includes you, Stevens.
Hey, blood week. Uh, blood week time.
What do you want to
hear, some Sweeney Todd?
No excuses this year, Chris, even
though you are squeamish around needles.
Look, Maurice, it's
not needles, all right?
- So?
- It's not what they put in. It's what they take out.
It's the blood, Maurice.
You know, it's so alive in
that bag, like... liquid guts.
If you don't grab a hold of both of'em, get over there to
that blood drive, you're gonna be more than light-headed.
You're gonna be fired. This
is one bet I'm not gonna lose.
What bet? A grand.
I'm sick of Cantwell walking
off with that plaque every year,
Lloyd Hillegas's smirk.
Cantwell may be bigger,
but they're not better.
If they pledge 500 units,
we're gonna come up with 501.
We'll see who's smiling at this
year's Sons of the Tundra lunch.
And they wonder what makes
America so great, huh?
Hey, Marilyn. Check it
out. Lamb for kabobs.
Holling's doing Tastes of the Greek
Isles right after the blood drive.
Mmm. Baklava.
Oh, wow! Marilyn, is this all the blood?
Mm-hmm.
Here's Uncle Anku's.
Oh, wow. Uncle Anku's.
It's good blood. O-positive.
It's so dark in the bag, and thick.
Mm-hmm. Here's yours.
My blood?
AB-RH-negative.
It's uncommon, really uncommon.
What do you mean, "uncommon"?
In the whole world, only one-half of
one percent has your kind of blood.
AB-RH-negative?
See, in Cicely there's only one other one.
Jeannie Hansen. Do you know her? No.
Oh. I thought you might be related.
Related?
AB-RH-negative runs in
the family. It's genetic.
You know, like baldness or
earlobes and stuff like that.
So, you think me and
Jeannie might be relatives?
- Maybe.
- Well, wait a minute now.
Are you talking, like,
a cousin or an aunt...
or
- or closer?
AB-RH-negative
is very uncommon.
Come on. Come on out now. Come on.
I don't believe it! Mary
Margaret of the Yukon?
Queen of the Grosse Pointe
cotillion with her head in a truck!
Jed! Hey, Mag.
Jed! Jedster! Well, what are you
doing? I can't believe it's you!
Yeah, how you doing, Mag?
I was in the neighborhood,
and I thought I'd drop by...
and see what my old midnight
swim partner was up to.
You look great! What-What
are you doing here? Thanks.
A little sabbatical. Put
the brokerage on autopilot.
Thought we'd come up and do
some hunting. Who's " we"?
Let me introduce you to Taylor. Taylor?
Of course, he's probably a little shook up after
that trail of tears you people call a highway.
I ought to sue the state for breach.
Oh, it's a bird!
Come on. Step back. Step back.
Hey. Step back. Come on.
What a pretty thing. Yeah, Taylor's
a Harris hawk, aren't you, Taylor?
Taylor, meet Mary O'Connell. Remember I
was telling you about my old tiller mate?
Wow! Why does he have
that thing on his head?
Ah, that's just his hood. It looks cruel, but don't
worry about it. He'd be a nervous wreck without it.
Falconry, right? You know,
raptors are awesome animals, Mag.
I mean, nothing's safe when they hunt.
I mean, they truss their victims, and bam!
Taylor's quite a finisher,
aren't you, big fellow?
Whoa!
Oh, Chi-chi. Here,
Chi-chi. Here, Chi-chi.
Don't worry, Taylor. We'll go huntin'.
That's what we came for. Take it easy.
- That's all right, baby. Mommy's here.
- Sorry, Marsha.
So, Jed Fleming.
Well, welcome to Cicely.
Boy, you just look more scrumptious
every time I see you, Maggie.
Trust me on that one, Taylor.
Here you go, Hayden.
Liver steak and eggs easy.
Oh, thank you. P. U!
Ditto. I need the iron boost while
I'm getting stuck this afternoon.
Hayden, my boy! It does my heart good
to see a man do right by his town.
Tell that brother of yours he's not gonna be
able to sneak away from me again this year.
I haven't seen my brother
in a while, Maurice.
Well, you'd better find him if you
want to keep poaching my slough.
Well, now, Maurice Minnifield. How be you?
Lloyd Hillegas, what are you doing?
Scrounging spare silver out of
those pinball machines of yours?
Darth Vader rules. See you're out
b*ating the bushes for warm bodies.
You must be down to
teenagers and shut-ins by now.
Just like h*tler at Remagen bridge.
Yeah, actually, Lloyd, I'm turning
them away. Come on, Minnifield.
Cicely doesn't have an egg's chance under
an elephant's foot of winning a blood drive.
If I were you, Hillegas, I'd go back to
Cantwell and, uh, guard my own bailiwick.
I was gonna be a nice
guy, let you off the hook.
I thought it was the rosé talking
at that Sons of the Tundra networker.
Now I see you're just butt obstinate.
You might want to go
Brasso up that plaque.
I wouldn't want to hang it on the
wall with your paw prints all over it.
A man can but try.
Cake à la mode.
Ah, thanks, Holling. Say, uh, Holling?
See that woman over
there in the far booth?
Jeannie Hansen?
- You know her?
No, but that's the name on her checks.
Oh, no one does.
She's new in town, Ed. She lives
over at the old Dickens place.
The two old maids
- those were her aunts. They left her the cabin.
- You talking aboutJeannie
Hansen? - Uh-huh. You know her?
No, but she always says " hi"
and she finishes her crosswords.
She's taken a real liking to
my tuna melts, that's for sure.
Tuna melts?
Say, Shel, you know, that's
my favorite sandwich too. Yeah?
I wonder. How old do you think she is?
That chin, those crow's feet?
I'd say knockin' on 40, at least.
Forty, huh? Well, she
could have been 16, 17, 18.
When? What?
When what? Oh, nothing.
Order up.
Uh, Mr. Pinetree?
Yo. Who's there? Yeah.
Mr. Pinetree? It's me, Ed
Chigliak. Can I talk to you?
I need a private investigator.
Ed? Oh, the kid from the
store. Come on in. Sure.
It's been a little hectic around
here. Just catching a little break.
Let me get you a chair.
I'm in between secretaries.
Oh! Do yourself a favor,
Ed. Never rupture a disk.
Okay. Yeah.
I was on the force down
in Seattle, in Bunco.
Yeah, about closing in
on a chop shop operation.
Perp pushed me off a ladder.
Three months traction. Had to retire.
Got 60% disability. What are you gonna do?
Here. Sit down. Sit down. Let me get
you a cup of coffee. Oh, no, thanks.
No, it's decaf. It's just
instant. It will take a minute.
Oh, I don't drink coffee.
Thanks though. Some people don't.
So, uh, what's up, Ed?
What can I do for you?
Well, Mr. Pinetree, I want you to find
something out about somebody for me.
Okay.
Well, her name's Jeannie Hansen,
and, uh, she just moved to town.
And I think she's my mother.
Okay.
Well, see,
we're the only people in town
with AB-RH-negative type blood.
And, uh, she's about the
right age, plus she's white.
- And they say my mother was white.
- Okay.
What? That's it? You'll do it?
You can find out just like that?
Let me show you something, Ed.
"Reynaldo, all the way, baby. "
Nipsy Russell, from Password.
Yeah. He was working a
Seattle dinner theater.
Hell of a nice guy.
Somebody got a hold of his telephone
credit card, uh, started selling it around.
Took him for 2,800. Turned
out to be the stagehand.
Oh. Now, uh, Ed, there's
a matter of my fee.
Here's a brochure to tell you a little bit
about our company, our rates and et cetera.
You got any questions, now, you
just don't be afraid to ask, okay?
Okay.
I want you to realize, Ed, once
you start something like this,
you got to be prepared for where it leads.
Okay.
Okay, Clara. Good job. Have
yourself a nice day now, huh?
It's really nothing, Dr. Joel.
I've stuck myself worse sewing.
Oh, yeah? Good.
Hey, Hayden. How are
you doing, man? Ah, good.
Let's get you all started.
Things are good? Yeah.
Good. All right. This is just a
little iodine. Disinfect the area.
All right. I want you to hold on to this for me.
You can go ahead and give that a couple of squeezes.
This okay? Yeah, that's good.
Yeah, there's a nice one right there.
Okay, just relax, and it'll
be over before you know it.
Ready? All right. You'll feel a little
pressure, maybe a sting at the most, okay?
Okay. Here we go.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! It's okay. It's all right.
I- I'm sorry. It just, uh- I
guess I missed the vein. You okay?
Yeah. All right. You sure?
Yes. Is it okay if I just
try a little lower down?
Yeah. All right. Are you ready?
- Hey! Hey! Hey!
- Not again.
I don't understand. I'm sorry. Ow, man.
That's really strange. That vein looks
absolutely fine. You ever had this trouble before?
- No.
- You sure?
Look, it's turnin' black
and blue. All right.
It's a little hematoma. It's a bruise. It will go
away in a few days. Just put your hand right there.
If you don't mind, I'd like to maybe
try the other arm, if that's okay.
Yeah. All right.
I don't understand.
So you like Mr. Reindeer, huh, Taylor?
Just give it a chance. I promise
you, it's very good barbecued. Really.
As long as we've got enough scotch. Hmm.
Hey, hey, hey. Would you mind handing
me the salt and pepper over here?
Sure. It's almost done. Thanks.
Remember that night at the club? We dug that,
uh, big pit out front, and they cooked that pig?
Oh, yeah. It was calypso night.
Yes, and they had a steel drum band.
And Mrs. Egly got so drunk, she
climbed a tree. Remember that?
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Then we took, uh, Dad's boat
out and we went for a swim.
Oh, that's right.
How are you, Mag?
You're looking really
good. You really are.
Oh, thanks, thanks.
Things are good, you know? I'm good.
And, uh, how's your doctor?
Doctor? Yeah.
Fleischman. Yeah.
Well, he's fine, you know. He's just fine.
Hmm. Huh.
Well, what about you, you know?
Um, are you seeing anybody now?
How long you been hunting?
Oh, I mean, with the bird.
Uh, Taylor? Oh, just, uh,
after I gave up smokin'.
Oh! Yeah.
So, you and, uh
- you and Joel, you got any plans?
You guys getting married? Married?
Sorry. Touchy subject?
No. No, no, no, not at all.
It's just you brought him home that time, and, you
know, he seemed like he was a pretty nice guy and-
Yeah. Well, you know, things are
great, really. Never been better.
I'm just curious.
Huh.
Well, I guess we'd better get
these ribs on the grill. Yeah.
Here, let me take it, Mag. Oh, thanks.
Hey, Eugene. Gave up
that pint already, huh?
Whew! Boy, Chris. It's rough in there.
I'm sorry. I overshot the vein a little.
If it starts again, just put it up and keep
a steady pressure with the gauze, all right?
And give me a call. Yeah. All right.
But it will be fine though,
okay? I'm sorry, really. Mm-hmm.
Man, oh, man.
Hey! Uh, I'm just out here,
you know, getting ready.
Getting ready to go in there.
- What? You want to give blood.
- Yeah, yeah. Maurice talked me into it.
So, you know, I thought I'd open up that closet,
kind of see what's freaking me out, you know.
Yeah, well, I wouldn't recommend it.
No, I'll be all right. I
just- I won't look or maybe-
Got a blindfold or something?
No, it's not you, it's me.
I don't know. I'm losing it.
I can't hit a vein.
I mean, you know, if they were
sclerotic, I could see, maybe.
But these are normal, healthy,
prominent veins, and I'm just blowin' it.
I'm just sh**ting through 'em. I'm
- I'm undershooting.
Take Hayden. You should see this
guy. He was practically in tears.
His whole ventral surface
was bleeding and swollen.
Really? Oh, man.
I don't understand what's happening to me. I don't
- I don't get it.
I mean, you know, I've done this a
thousand times. I've done it 10,000 times.
You know, it's not something
you suddenly forget.
This is like second nature. It's
like riding a bicycle for me.
I should be able to do
it with my eyes shut.
Steve Sax syndrome.
Steve Sax. Wow. You think so?
Well, how many balls you think
that guy threw from second to first?
What did it take? One errant ball, man.
Next thing you know, he's pitching
in the dirt, over guys' heads.
Lost his rhythm, his
confidence, his game, man.
Yeah. Yeah.
Hey, he got it back
though, big time, you know.
American League. He had
a great career, right?
Yeah. That's true, isn't it?
Yes, he did. Better than ever.
Yeah. He got it back.
Huh? What do you say? Come on.
All right. For you, I'll try it again.
All right.
Unless, you know
- What?
Do you remember a pitcher for the
Pittsburgh Pirates, Steve Blass?
He couldn't find home plate, man.
Two years, out of baseball.
I'm gonna take a rain
check, all right? Just a-
So what's lakefront going
for up here anyway, Maggie?
Lakefront. You mean, property?
Yeah. Nothing big. Five
or 10 acres, a dock.
It's got to be just right
- after the black flies die and just before the mosquito larvae hatch.
Why? You thinking about getting
some property up here? In Cicely?
I'm thinking about doing
more than that, Maggie.
I want to get to know you again.
Oh, come on, Jed. No, I'm serious.
I mean, hey, look at us.
We're not gettin' any younger.
You really want to be chasing three-years-olds
around the house when you're 40?
Not particularly, no.
I'm talking 50-50.
No lawyer, no prenup. Just
you, me and a preacher.
You'll make somebody a
great husband someday, Jed.
You.
Me. Me?
No. Uh-
Why? Why? Because
- I don't know.
It
- It's marriage, Jed. It's, like, the rest of my life!
You know,
I- I just-
I just don't want somebody just like me.
You know, where-
Don't you want to be surprised, you know?
Give me a break.
No! You know, like, um
- Okay, okay, look.
It's, like, they come
over for dinner, right?
It's just some dumb
Tuesday, which is fine.
And you're sitting there and you're talking,
and then all of a sudden you start arguing.
You're arguing over your aunt's ulcers or
something like that and where they come from,
and it just makes you feel so alive.
Ulcers?
Did I say that?
I did. I said that, didn't I?
What?
Oh, my God! That's Fleischman.
Fleischman?
Let me tell you something, Maggie.
I mean, that little argument
thing that you think is so cute-
You really want to spend the rest of your life
listening to that? 'Cause it's gonna wear, believe me.
Oh. I want Fleischman.
Oh.
The guy's a contrarian,
Maggie. I know these people.
They have to think about everything.
They have to talk about everything.
They just can't sit on a deck and
have a drink. Tell me about it.
Hi, Maggie.
Hi, Marilyn.
Oh, hey, Fleischman. Oh, hey.
How's it going?
How's it going? How's it going?
Well, I'll tell you how it's going.
It's basically a disaster.
I can't hit a vein.
I mean, understand that this
- this is the simplest, most basic medical procedure, and I can't do it.
I'm like a golfer with the yips. The yips?
Yeah, these guys, these golfers
- all of a sudden, it's like they can't putt.
I mean, these are professionals,
and it's just gone- poof- over.
Whole career out the window.
I mean, like Steve Blass.
Who? It's baseball. Never mind.
I don't know. I don't know.
I mean, I should have gone into pathology.
Typing blood. See? This I can
do. This is where I belong.
There's no people. There's no pain.
That's what I should have done.
I was brilliant at research.
Shouldn't be out in the field.
Fleischman, what do you say? I mean, I
think we're doing all right. Don't you?
Us? Yeah, we're fine.
I mean, I think it's been good lately
between us. I mean, really good, in fact.
Yeah.
I think we're where we should be, I
mean, in terms of where this is going-
our relationship
- I do.
Yes, everything's fine. You know, I just
- I can't have this conversation right now, okay?
No, I was just wondering, that's all.
- Well, it's just not a good time for me.
- Okay.
I'm sorry. I'm just in the middle of this,
and I've got a lot on my mind, okay? A lot.
All right. Forget it.
Hey, Joel. Hey, long time.
Good to see you, fellow. Jed?
Boy. Hey. How are you doing?
Not bad. Wow. What are you doing up here?
He's visiting, Fleischman. Just visiting.
Yeah, actually we're just gonna
do some hunting with Taylor.
That's my hawk. What do
you say? You want tojoin us?
Uh-
He's busy. Actually, he's very busy.
- He's got a lot on his mind,
right, Fleischman? - Look, O'Connell-
Maybe I'm interrupting
something here? Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm.
No, I was just leaving.
Catch you later.
Hey. Ed? Good.
Oh, hey, Reynaldo. You know, I was gonna come
by your office at 5:00, just like you said.
Hey, why wait? I thought you'd want to
see this. Did you figure it out already?
No, but I've got some information
for you. Oh, what is it?
Her T. R. W. Lookit here. Jeannie Hansen.
This woman's got a
sparkling credit history.
Visa's out of Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
Ooh, she shops at Sears
too. Something else.
I obtained her phone bill from
her refuse can. What do you see?
A cantaloupe seed? No, Ed. Look.
Cedar Rapids, 362 prefix.
She calls this as regular
as clockwork, once a week.
I dialed and got an
answering machine. Doris.
Doris.
I'm gonna call back
after 11:00. And... this.
Oh, wow!
It's a picture of her. I
caught her hanging out the wash.
I'm gonna send it to Sav-on for
copying. Keep your prices down.
Oh. Distribute it to my sources.
Boy, she looks good there, huh?
The way she's just kind of
standing there by that clothesline.
I've gotta be straight with you, Ed.
I called theJuneau Social Health Services.
They have no record of a Jeannie
Hansen ever giving birth that year.
Three years subsequent and previous.
Well, she could have maybe just had
me under a different name or something.
Or maybe she just had me, and
no one knew. Could be. Could be.
Ayoung girl alone, coming to
Alaska to stay with her aunts.
She falls in love with a local.
The aunts, uh, disapprove.
They ostracize her. She's confused.
What's she gonna do? She's
got to go home. To Iowa.
It's got to be rough being
left by a tree and no mother.
Me
- I should see my mother more.
But she's in Slab City. She
wanted to be near our relatives.
They all live down in Barstow now.
Oh, thanks, Reynaldo.
Say, this is just a start.
The job's not over yet.
You know, procure some
prints, employment history.
I'm gonna sit on the house
tomorrow, surveillance.
Say, I've got an idea.
I wouldn't ordinarily ask a principal, but how'd
you like to come along? I mean, see how it's done.
If you want. If you're interested.
What? You mean, like, uh, surveillance?
I think it'd be all right, Ed.
Hey. I saw the light on.
Boy, you weren't kidding about this place,
were you, Joel? It's minimal, definitely.
Are you out for a little sightseeing
tonight? Take a peek at the exam room?
I like you, Fleischman. You
got a good sense of humor.
Well, thanks, uh, but the
thing is, I'm kind of busy.
So, uh, I'm just not up for any
kind of banter, if you don't mind.
I feel for you. I really do.
You know, you're stuck up here.
All those doctors in Manhattan squeezing the teat
dry right before national health care kicks in.
And you- God, you'll be- be working for Uncle
Sam by the time you get back to civilization.
It's bad timing, huh?
Well, I guess us physicians won't be
such easy marks for you bonds salesmen.
Hey, Fleischman. Don't you worry
aboutJed Fleming. He got his.
Sold short defense stocks.
Loaded up on interactive media.
But that's not what this is about.
Oh, no? No, I, uh
- I want to help you out.
What? I do. I want to help you.
In fact, I, uh
- I brought a little something for you.
$30,000?
It will buy you out of your indentured
servitude, and some transition money.
You know, get you back to New
York, an apartment, some furniture.
You want to give me $30,000
to buy out of my contact?
Believe me, Joel. It's not
taking any food off my table.
Is this some kind of joke? I'd like to
think of it as my good deed for the year.
I mean, it's not even tax deductible,
and my accountant's gonna k*ll me.
Get out of here. I don't
need this. I don't want it.
Hey, Joel, you know, no offense
intended. It was just an idea.
Now, why don't you just sleep on
it for the night? Get out of here!
Just-Just sleep on it.
Hey, Shelly. Is my takeout ready yet?
Oh, yeah. Let me get it.
Hey.
Hey. Hey, Fleischman.
You know, I think you're
right. I think we should talk.
I mean, I-I'd really like to.
Two lasagnas to go, crispy
on top, like you like it.
Great. Thanks, Shelly.
Ah, gee, Fleischman.
Thanks. Mm-hmm.
I'd like to, but, um, Jed's waiting outside, and
there's really nothing worse than cold ricotta, huh?
Oh, I'll take another one, Eugene.
Why shouldn't I, you know?
Why shouldn't I just go?
Give me one reason why I shouldn't just
get on a plane and go back to New York...
and just forget this place,
just forget it ever existed.
- Because you'd be in breach of contract.
- Yeah? Let me show you something.
Wow! Look at all those zeros.
Yeah, that's my ticket out of
here. Freedom. Up, up and away.
And all I got to do is sign my name
on the back. Take the money and run.
Listen to me. What am I talking about?
How could I possibly
take this guy's money?
I mean, I have to have at
least a smidgeon of dignity.
What else have I got? Certainly not my
profession. I mean, this place even took that.
Well, weren't you always
gonna go home anyways?
That's true, isn't it?
Yeah. I mean, why not? Why
do I forestall the inevitable?
Go back to New York and
Carnegie Hall, Russian Tea Room,
my Park Avenue practice.
Pina colada, double rum.
I'll get my chops back, huh?
A little time, rest.
Wh-What if I don't? What if I don't?
Yeah, well, anyway, I mean, I can always
make a living in research, immunology.
There's a high demand for that.
You know what those guys make?
I'll have to live in New Jersey.
Hello, Fleischman. Ah,
Gene. The usual, please.
Do me a favor, Maurice. Please, I
really don't want to hear it right now.
Hear what? Oh! About my blood dealie.
No, no, no. I've got a line on a couple of
retired WAC nurses in Nome. I'll fly 'em up here.
We'll miss maybe a half a day's production,
that's all, till you get it together.
One schnapps, soda back.
Cheers. Well, that's good.
I'm glad to hear that.
Ah!
Of course, if you don't
snap out of it pretty soon,
I'm gonna have to start casting
around for a permanent replacement.
Replacement? Yeah, afraid so.
Yeah, that's it. I'm
just a warm body to you?
Listen, Joel. Don't take it personally.
I mean, I've got a
town to look after here.
I was thinking about
maybe, uh, looking at UCLA,
some of those smart, uh, Asian kids.
They work hard, and they don't complain.
Put it on my bill, will you?
Oh, boy. Unbelievable.
I'd take it.
"Lestat said, 'Be still.
"'I'm going to drain you now
to the very threshold of death,
"'and I want you to be quiet.
"'So quiet that you can almost hear
the flow of blood through your veins.
So quiet that you can hear the flow
of that same blood through mine. "'
That concludes this morning's
installment of Interview with a Vampire.
We'll be back sucking down the
red stuff manana with Lestat-
same time, save station.
Blood drive hiatus continues,
givin' us a little time
to sit back and think.
I am.
Blood, the primordial ooze.
Not out there, listeners.
In here, inside this
- this skin we wear.
It only lets us think
we're something else.
Nice clean brains,
little talking computers running around...
in the pursuit of happiness.
We pierce the skin,
and what do we see? Hmm?
Warm ooze, protoplasm.
Churning, ingesting, defecating,
pulsating.
Life. Death.
That's the last of the blood work.
Let Maurice's practical nurse do it.
He thinks he can just pick up the
phone and make some calls? Fine.
I'd like to see him find someone to put
up with his B. S. What are you looking at?
Ah. TheJedster. Schmuck.
Tell you what
- those two deserve each other.
What do you think the deal
is with that ridiculous bird?
I mean, who does this guy think he is?
It got Chi-chi. What,
the bird? Who's Chi-chi.
Marsha Seepman's poodle.
That little white dog? You're
telling me that that bird k*lled it?
Uh-huh.
You're telling me that bird k*lled
Marsha Seepman's dog? Are you sure?
My mom saw it. Chi-chi ran,
but the bird was faster.
All right. That's it.
That is it. I've had it!
Cancel all my appointments.
You don't have any.
Well, if anyone comes in.
Jeannie must be sleeping in.
Ah, as soon as she vacates, we'll, uh, talk a look
around and see what turns up in the garbage today.
Maybe she likes to stay up late
and watch the late movie like I do.
That's genetic too, you know.
Staying up late and watching movies.
If it is her, she's lucky
to have a kid like you.
Me, I don't have any kids. No?
No, I was married once.
Met her in a bowling alley.
I was naive. Doughnut?
Got a glazed old-fashioned and a
couple confettis left. Confetti.
So, uh, you like to stay up
late and watch old movies, huh?
"Into these mean streets a man must go. "
Martin Scorsese.
Did you ever watch Harper,
Ed? He's a P. I. down in L. A.
Paul Newman. Oh, he's a
good-looking guy. Tenacious S. O. B.
He wouldn't quit a case even after
they b*at the crap out of him. LikeJack.
Well, J. J. Gittes in
Chinatown. "Mr. Gitts. "
Remember when Jake went down the
reservoir, where Mulwray's body washed up?
Right. It's dark. It's night.
He's looking around
- he's not sure for what.
There's a g*nsh*t. The water comes
rushing at him through the pipe!
He's going to drown. He grabs the fence!
Excuse me!
Can I help you? I've been watching
you. You've been out here for hours.
We're not doing anything. I saw you.
You were driving by here yesterday.
And let me tell you something, mister
- I see you back again, I'm calling the police.
Whew! Geez! Where'd she come
from? I almost had a coronary.
Boy, she's really mad.
She's gonna hate me now.
- What's her problem? It's a public street.
- Oh, no.
Ed, no! I gotta talk to her.
Mrs. Hansen! Please, wait!
What? What do you want?
I'm really, really sorry.
You're right. We were watching
your house, but it was my fault.
I just hired a private investigator, Reynaldo Pinetree,
'cause I wanted to find out if you were my mother.
Your mother? Yeah. I have AB-RH-negative
blood, and they said you did too.
And, well, that's really, really uncommon.
And since I'm half-Indian and my mother
was white, well, I thought you might be her.
Well, I'm not.
Oh, hey. I don't want anything. I promise.
I just want to know, you
know? And I wouldn't blame you.
I mean, you were young and,
well, you were in love...
and, well, you didn't
know what else to do.
And that's why you left me by that tree.
Is that what happened to
you? You were left by a tree?
I am so sorry, but I'm not
your mother. It wasn't me.
Are you sure? Look, I have
kids. Well, they're grown.
Becky lives in Lander,
Wyoming. She's a teacher.
My son's in the navy.
Oh. Okay.
I hope you find her.
Thank you.
There you go, Taylor. There you go.
What do you say we get a little exercise
before we get out of this hellhole?
Fleischman!
Go ahead, wise guy. What you got to say
for yourself? What are you talking about?
Think you can just blow in here, kick me
when I'm down and put the moves on O'Connell?
I'm drawing the line right
here. What are you talking about?
You know exactly what I'm talking
about. I'm talking about Chi-chi!
Chi-chi? Yeah.
The little poodle? You got it!
That was too bad. "Too bad. " Oh,
that's beautiful. That's beautiful.
Mr. Noblesse Oblige. Fleischman, what do
you want me to do? She let her run loose.
I am the physician in this town, and I
have a responsibility to these people!
Maybe you think you can push 'em around,
but if you think I'm gonna stand idly by-
Why? What are you going to do? What?
Uh-huh. What?
Oh, geez! Ow! Ow!
My ribs! Why, you little
- Ow!
You realize you're saying
no to MauriceJ. Minnifield?
Well, let me tell you something, buster.
The next time the borough of Kipnuk
needs another fire engine on the line,
you can forget my number.
Got to him too. Huh.
Who's that, jefe? Oh,
it's that damn Hillegas.
I've been on the phone with
nurse practioners all morning,
and all of a sudden, every one of'em north
of the 59th parallel's got a headache.
What, about the blood drive? Yeah.
Dr. F.'s back in the duty station. Fleischman? He
- He's drawing blood?
Yeah. He's giving away these free
eye exams and cholesterol analysis.
The line's running out the door.
What are we waitin' for?
Let's go put it over the top!
Uh, hey. Look, Maurice.
I tried, all right? I
couldn't even get in the door.
I mean, I started, you know,
thinking about things...
and, uh, life...
and the stuff oozing
out of me and mortality.
Giving blood's not something you
think about. It's something you do!
Do you think men would risk their necks in
combat if they gave it a moment's thought?
Or
- Or go into space? Hell, do anything.
Damn wimp.
Okay. All right. I'll buy it.
Here's your Dove bars, Ed.
Oh, uh, you sure you don't want to keep
them, Reynaldo? I shouldn't have brought them.
No, no, no, no. It was a good
thought. Just not right for stakeout.
They melt. Ah, well, thank you.
I don't know how that could happen, Ed.
I mean, how did she make
us? I'll tell you what.
I let myself get distracted. I
wasn't taking care of business.
It was my fault, Reynaldo.
Yeah, I oughta should have known better than
to bring somebody along. I mean, a rookie.
Nah, I don't
- I don't know.
You did fine, Ed. Maybe
I parked too close.
Well, I found out what I wanted to know.
Well, no thanks to yours truly.
Oh, no, Reynaldo. Hey, I would have
never went out there without you.
And you drove.
They were even your doughnuts.
I know, Ed. I still don't
feel good about this.
I
- I'd like to give you some of your money back.
Oh, no. I don't
- I don't want it. I won't take it, Reynaldo.
You gave me your hard-earned cash, and it
turned out it wasn't even your mother after all.
Well, yeah.
But you could look at the upside, and that is that
there's one less mother in the world that could be her.
Sure, kid.
Listen, I want to
- I want to let you know I enjoyed our association these past few days.
Take care of yourself, you hear?
Say, Reynaldo?
Ah, ever go fishing?
Sometimes.
Well, you want to go with me?
Yeah, I could do that. Give me a call.
How are you doing? Mmm. Good.
Why don't you just sit there until you feel
like getting up, okay? All right. Uh-huh.
All righty. Hey. You're back.
Hey, rain check, huh?
Good for you. Decided to
give me another sh*t, huh?
Right. Have no fear.
Twin shiners there, Rory Raccoon,
huh? Yeah, you like those?
Yeah. I kind of like 'em myself.
Got your zone back, huh?
Yeah. Stopped thinking about medicine
and veins, needles for five minutes.
To tell you the truth, I
stopped thinking completely.
That will do it
- quit thinking.
Here, why don't you, uh, just
grip this for a second, won't you?
Yeah, there's a nice vein right there.
All righty. You all ready?
- Right now?
- Right now.
Okay. Go for it. Okay. Here we go.
- Hey.
- You okay?
Yeah, you got it, huh?
Yeah, we got a nice flow. Got
yourself some excellent veins there.
Yeah? All right. Great.
Just hook you up, and you'll
be out of here in no time.
Hey! Whoa, whoa! Hey. Hey,
Chris. Hey. Hey, Marilyn!
Cold compresses. We've got
ourselves a fainter here.
Hey, pal. Hey.
Look at that beaker ofblood! Is that not the
most beautiful beaker ofblood you've ever seen?
And they said it couldn't be done.
You got two more units, Maurice.
Well, notch 'em in there,
Marilyn. Notch 'em in.
I've got the Anchorage Daily News
coming for photos and a spread...
and a letter of commendation
coming from the governor.
This is the finest feather in the
cap of Cicely I've ever put in there.
Our blood will help a lot of
people too. Yeah, that too.
Well, well, well, Lloyd
Hillegas. What are you doing here?
We've got our blood results
up here for the town to savor.
Don't think you pulled the wool
over anybody's eyes, Minnifield.
Wool? Uh, what-what wool?
I'm talking about blood.
500 units of blood and still pumping.
I think the Alaskan Blood Bank will
be very happy with that, don't you?
I heard about that cruise
ship you shanghaied.
And there's an R. V. right
outside, Rhode Island plates.
Oh, well, we get a lot of, uh, out-of-town
visitors. It's the waters, you know.
- Next year, Minnifield.
- Hey, don't throw that around.
I don't want to put a scarred
plaque up on my wall of honor.
Hey, Lloyd, uh, you can take
care of your part of the bet...
at the next Sons of the
Tundra silent auction.
Sore loser.
Hey, Fleischman. Hey.
What are you doing here?
Wow. What happened?
What, this? You don't know?
Uh, no. What?
Nothing. Nothing?
Just hit myself with my
golf club, that's all.
Chipping. The grass was wet.
Huh. So-
Am I late?
Late? Oh, you came to give blood.
I'm sorry. Have
- Have a seat. Sure. No, you're not late.
Well, you know, it's just that I have the
rest of the week off. I don't have to fly.
I thought I could afford to get a
little light-headed, you know. Sure.
Just check your temperature,
and we'll get you started.
Get you out of here in
a jiffy. Guarantee it.
That's my motto
- or else your money back.
Why don't you roll up your sleeve for me?
Okay.
You want to come have
dinner with me tonight?
Dinner, huh?
Yeah. You know, maybe we could just
warm up a pizza or rent a movie.
I appreciate it, but, uh, the
idea of having, uh, dinner...
with you and old Jedster...
is a tad on the cozy side.
No, Fleischman. Jed's gone.
Oh, yeah? Yeah, he went home.
He did, huh? Back to
- to Grosse Pointe?
- Well, you know, he had to take Taylor for a hunt first.
- Oh, yes, hunting.
- So?
- What?
Oh, the blood. I'm sorry. Mm-hmm.
You see a good vein? Let's see.
Oh, are you kidding?
A good vein
- Oh, man. That's putting it mildly.
I mean, it's absolutely stunning. Hmm.
Ready? Do it.
He showed a lot ofheart,
Gittes. Curly was hurtin:
Here's his wife. Gittes
caught her dead to rights.
Remember those peekaboo sh*ts
of her with the neighbor?
Yeah. " Quit chewing the Venetian
blinds, Curly. I just had 'em put in. "
Yeah, you make a lot of friends in
this line of work, and you need 'em.
You know, Ed, if you're interested,
I could send a lot of work your way.
Surveillance.
Oh, I don't know, Reynaldo. I kind
of got a lot on my plate right now.
Well, think about it. Say, eight bucks
an hour. It's got to b*at mowing lawns.
You could even work on your movie
script while you're out there.
Do yourself a favor though. Make
sure you got a heater that works.
It can get cold.
Want a midget Snickers?
Oh! Thanks, Reynaldo.