Tommy, how come
Mrs. Abbott doesn't come
around the house anymore?
Well, she decided to cool it
with dad for a little while.
How come?
It's complicated,
Nicholas. Move.
I'm eight, I can understand
complicated things.
Nicholas, women are weird,
that's all. Now move!
Mrs. Abbott, isn't weird.
She's nice.
- All women are weird.
- What about Mary?
Completely bonkers.
And Johnny and Susan and Nancy?
Nuttier than fruit cakes.
Now, would you move!
Even Elizabeth?
We can send her away
tomorrow in a straitjacket
but we feel sorry for her
because she's our sister.
- 'Now move!'
- What about Wendy Springer?
You know, that picture
under your pillow.
Nicholas, quit stalling
and move.
One, two, three, four,
five six, seven.
Bingo! Boardwalk with
a hotel.
That makes two thousand
smackers, fork it over.
[theme music]
[music continues]
[instrumental music]
Finals!
[music continues]
(Tom)
'Oh! Hi, Abby, I just happened
to be in the neighborhood'
'so I thought I'd drop by.'
A cup of coffee?
Sure, I'd love to.
I'd love to.
I'd...I'd love to.
I'd love to.
'Cup, cup of coffee. Cup of
coffee? I'd love too.'
'A cup of coffee?
I'd love too.'
Hi, kiddo! What's happenin'?
- Weird things.
- Oh, yeah! Like what?
Well, Nancy is walkin' around
with a book on her head.
And dad's talkin' to himself.
Ah! Dad's been talkin'
to himself for years.
But Nancy? Better check
this one out.
Could be serious.
Let you know if we need
an ambulance, okay?
- Okay.
- Pop! See ya.
- 'Hello.'
- Hi.
Catching up on
your reading?
What's with the book, Nance?
Nothing.
Come on, Nance, I don't
work for the CIA.
What's with the book?
Susan, would you mind
leaving me alone.
- I wanna get dressed.
- Where you going?
- Nowhere.
- Hm.
Pretty classy outfit
for going nowhere. Hm.
That's right, and that's
where you're going.
Bye!
'Bye..'
Whoo-hoo!
- Pretty snazzy outfit!
- Oh, Thank you.
- Oh, where you going?
- Uh, nowhere.
- Oh, you oughta wait for Nancy.
- Nancy, why?
Yeah! Well, she's goin' nowhere
too, you could give her a lift.
- Tom.
- Hi.
Hi.
I was just in
the neighborhood, so..
You thought you'd just
drop in, huh?
Yeah.
I thought we had
an understanding.
Maybe what we had
was a misunderstanding.
I don't think so.
Why don't we go for coffee,
we could talk about it.
Look, Tom, see you have eight
children, and I'm just not sure
that I'm prepared to share
you with them.
And-and that's all
there is to it.
It is more than that.
[sighs]
Oh, of course there's
more than that.
Abby, the...kids miss
you, you know.
Oh, I, I miss them, too.
Alright, if you change
your mind.
You'll be the first
to know, I promise.
Alright.
Goodnight, Abby.
Hey, Tom.
Tell the kids
I said hi, okay?
Sure.
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
Pie a la mode,
with chocolate sauce?
Yeah. I mean, the piece
is this big!
It-it, one bite,
one pound, easy.
Huh, he was acting really weird
earlier this evening.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
All I did was ask him
where he was going
and he acted like it was
some kinda state secret.
What do you think
is wrong with him?
- Menopause.
- Mary, come on!
This is serious.
I think dad's
really depressed.
And he always overeats
when he's feelin' down.
I bet you it's Abby.
'I bet you you're right.'
Well, what are we gonna do?
(Mary)
'Nothing.'
Look, people have
the inalienable right
to be depressed if
they wanna be, huh?
- Depressed, maybe, but fat?
- She's right.
I mean, it's really not
healthy for a man his age
to be overweight.
Thank you, doctor.
It also happens not
to be healthy
for a man's daughters
to meddle in his love life.
'M-Mary, look it's not..'
There's a difference
between meddling
a-and constructively
helping someone in need.
I vote for meddling.
You would.
Look, whatever this
charitable committee
of do-gooders decides
count me out.
Hey, scratch one.
So, you guys, what are
we gonna do, okay?
Keep fattening foods
out of the house.
Go see Abby.
Find him another woman.
- Oh!
- Oh! Elizabeth, gee!
Why not? It's either that
or fat, right?
Yeah, and suppose Abby
finds out about it.
And what if Abby
gets jealous?
Pretty sneaky.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
It's terrible.
But effective.
[laughing]
It never fails.
[instrumental music]
Alright, who did that?
This place is a zoo,
you can't even eat breakfast
without gettin'
att*cked around here!
att*cked?
Nicholas, you see anybody
attack that girl?
What girl?
You must be imagining
things, Elizabeth.
You guys!
Guys, I have an announcement
to make.
[clanking]
'Alright, attention,
you animals!'
Nancy, has an announcement
to make.
I'm a finalist for
the Miss Sacramento contest.
[all cheering]
Why didn't you tell us before?
Well, I wanted to wait
and make sure.
And last night was
the qualifying round.
- Alright!
- Oh, that's so good!
(Susan)
'That's good, Nancy.
Congratulations.'
That's great.
So when's the big night?
A week from Saturday.
- I'll try to keep it open.
- Oh, thanks, Tommy.
Dad, Nancy's been chosen
as a finalist
in the Miss Sacramento contest.
Oh, that's nice.
Good luck, Nancy.
I have to hurry,
I'm late.
Well, he could've
been more excited.
Oh, he's on the rebound.
Abby shot him down.
But we decided last night
to fix him up
with someone else
to make her jealous.
You decided.
I decided to leave
him alone remember?
Yeah, yeah,
but you were outvoted.
Nancy, can you think of
someone to set him up with.
Oh, I don't know.
Um, how about the woman
at the reference desk
at the library?
Are you kidding?
What a dog!
I know somebody.
I know, I know,
the legal secretary
th-that one that's
a friend of Daisy's.
Ah! She's too old.
I know somebody.
Stop interrupting, Nicholas.
This is serious.
Come on, we must
know someone.
I got it, Raquel Welch.
- Oh, Tommy!
- Come on!
Well, why not? Maybe she goes
for the lived-in look.
(Elizabeth)
'Ho-ho, that's funny!'
I mean, uh, three weeks
without a date.
That's a long time between
drinks my friend.
You sure this laundromat
routine works?
Hey, it never fails.
You see, there's something
about a woman that
can't help responding
to a helpless man
trying to cope
with a domestic chore.
'It's pure, unadulterated
maternal instinct.'
So all you do is
go in and pretend
you don't know
what you're doing?
'Right! You just stare
at the machines.'
Or you fiddle with
the temperature controls
or...you agonize over
the choice of detergents.
I don't know, Carl.
It sounds pretty hokey.
'Oh, it is!'
Hey, but believe me,
it's better than
those single's bars.
It's cheaper.
Besides that there's
enough light
you can see what you're getting.
Clean laundry.
Oh, boy.
- Oh!
- Aw!.
- Move, Nancy!
- Mary..
Baton twirling
is not a martial art!
I know, but I can't do it!
I-I can't do it.
You can't do it.
Dinner's ready!
What am I gonna do? I need
an act for my talent contest.
- I got an idea.
- What?
Pickin' up guys!
You're a pro at that.
- Tommy..
- Dinner's ready!
Okay.
Hey, dad, are you
sure you wanna
second helping of
mashed potatoes?
- Yes, I'm sure.
- Come on, you've had enough.
Ah, Nancy, how's your
talent act coming?
- Well, it's awful.
- Oh, don't get discouraged.
I'm sure you'll
come up with something.
Yeah, like what?
[telephone ringing]
Hello.
Nicholas?
Oh, tell her to call back.
He isn't here.
[indistinct chatter]
Would you guys please
be quite, I can't hear?
Thank you, Mrs. Manning,
that's very kind of you.
- Bye-bye.
- Is he alright?
He's fine. He's fine,
he's having dinner
at a friend,
Peter Manning's house
and Mrs. Manning will bring
him home right after dinner.
What I wanna know
is how it could be
ten minutes into the dinner
and nobody noticed
that he wasn't here?
He's small.
He's quiet.
Strange.
What's strange?
Nicholas loves
mashed potatoes.
So do you.
Dad!
It would be a sin
to let it go to waste.
[all giggling]
[instrumental music]
[knocking on door]
Mr. Bradford?
Hello.
- I'm Ellen Manning.
- Hi, dad.
Oh..
Oh, yes, yes.
You're Nicholas' little friend's
uh, mother.
Hi, dad.
Don't interrupt, Nicholas.
Actually, I didn't
know that
Nicholas and Peter
were friends
until I, well, sort of found
him at my dinner table.
(Tom)
'Ah-ha-ha. Yeah.'
Well, then won't you come in?
Well, I just have a minute.
Ah, I left Peter
with some neighbors.
Oh, Nicholas, uh,
go eat your dinner.
But, dad!
Nicholas.
- Come in the living room.
- Thank you.
[instrumental music]
Nicholas, did you..
I mean, di-did you do that
on purpose?
Yeah, they were
having spinach.
Yuck!
You mean, you set up
this whole thing
so that dad could
meet Mrs. Manning?
Yeah, you guys gotta start
taking me more seriously.
Yeah!
[instrumental music]
Hey! Who said the kid didn't
know anything about women!
Hey, she isn't
married, is she?
Uh, Peter said they
were divorced.
Too bad.
Terrible.
Do I have to eat
dinner again?
[instrumental music]
No!
Good going, kid.
A dollar says that
they're Tom and Ellen
by the time she leaves.
Okay. You're on.
(Tom)
'Well, it was nice
chatting with you.'
(Ellen)
'Yes, it was.'
Oh, and listen, I really
appreciate you taking
Nicholas over to your house
and feeding him and all that.
Oh, no problem. He was
a perfect gentleman.
Aw, thanks.
Well, I, uh..
...I hope I'll be seeing
you again, Mrs. Manning.
(Ellen)
'Well, that would be
nice, Mr. Bradford.'
Oh, listen, how about
calling me Tom.
Sure.
I'm Ellen.
Oh, good.
I'll, uh, walk you
to your car, huh.
'Thank you.'
[instrumental music]
Way to go, Tom.
- It's gonna be nice.
- Thanks.
Just hope the waist
isn't gonna be too tight.
No.
Nance, can I ask
you a question?
Sure. What's on your mind?
Why did you decide to enter
this contest, Nancy?
Why not?
'What I mean is..'
...is that a beauty pageant
isn't anything more
than a, a high-class
girly show.
It exploits men's fantasies
of, of the perfect woman.
Pert, pretty..
...plastic.
For some men...maybe.
But, Mary, for once
I'd like to have
something that's just mine.
Something special.
'You're gonna be a doctor.'
Joannie acts, Susan swims
and plays tennis like a pro
'Elizabeth is
studying ballet.'
I'm tired of being
the family joke.
'The one who's trying
to find herself.'
Do you understand
what I'm saying?
Yeah.
It's hard being a someone
in this family.
Aw, Nancy, you are a someone.
Honey, you're gonna
knock 'em dead.
- Thanks, Mary.
- I'll see ya.
[knocking on door]
Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Well, come-come in.
Oh, thanks.
- 'Good morning.'
- Sit down, sit down.
Um. Oh, thank you.
Well, Abby, we were just,
uh, in the neighborhood
you know, and we were, uh,
we were thinkin' about you.
Thought we'd...stop by
and say hi.
Well, uh, my neighborhood seems
to be really popular lately.
So, um, how you doin'?
I'm good. How you doin'?
Good. Good.
Well...are you
keeping busy?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I've been very busy.
Look, uh, cards
on the table, okay?
'Number one'
your father and I
are just good friends
and number two
I would like to remain good
friends with you all, too
'but it's gonna be rough if,
uh, you get involved in this.'
And number three, see,
I was supposed to be
some place five minutes ago.
- So, uh..
- Oh, I'm sorry.
Well, we understand, um..
...just came by to say hi.
I, I really appreciate it
and, um...well, we'll
take a rain check, okay?
- Okay.
- Okay.
Umm, could we..
...use your phone
before we go?
Oh, sure, sure,
help yourself.
But just remember to pull
the door too, okay?
- Okay.
- Bye.
Bye, Abby..
Bye.
[sighs]
Come on.
I don't believe this.
You're taking laundry
out of the house?
Uh-huh. You see, Mary,
I've been feeling very guilty
about using this house
as a laundromat.
So I've decided to pay
everyone back by
doing an enormous laundry
for the whole family.
Here, David, that's
all we've got.
Oh! That's fine,
Elizabeth, thanks.
Sure.
You mean, you're takin' all
of this to the laundromat?
You know, the place
where they put
the little coins
in the little slot.
It would hardly be
an act of altruism
if I used your machine,
would it?
He's flipping out.
- This I gotta see.
- Shh! Not so loud.
Oh, we do have a dollar
on this, right?
And what if we
strike pay dirt?
Well, then you and the laundry
take the bus home.
This is merely for
future reference.
You know, this is worse
than driver's ed.
I mean, you may
not get a license
but at least you
get to practice.
Well, you wouldn't know
what to do with it anyway.
Here, you might as well,
work for your education.
Girls, I really appreciate
what you're doing.
It was too late for
Mrs. Manning to get
babysitters on such
short notice.
No, don't mention it, dad.
Besides, it's not really
like babysitting.
After all, Peter and Nicholas
will run off and play
by themselves.
(Susan)
'Hey, don't worry
about a thing.'
Uh, just have
a good time.
[doorbell rings]
[instrumental music]
What are you smiling like
that for, Mr. Bradford?
Peter, where is your mother?
She's comin'. She's puttin'
all that goop on her face.
Hey, Nicholas!
[music continues]
It's nice here.
Oh, yeah.
You know, a lot of people think
this is old-fashioned.
But I like it, I really do.
I mean, there's not
a lot of noise
and there's enough light
so that you can see
what you're eating.
And the prices,
they are reasonable.
And they got good salads, too,
which is great for somebody
who's trying to watch
their weight.
- Oh, you too.
- Mm-hm.
You see, when you
own a dress shop
you have to project
this slim image.
So that all your
customers feel slimmer
and they buy more.
You know you're a very
independent woman.
And you like independent women
as long as they stay women?
Yeah, how do you know
I was gonna say that?
- Mm, feminine intuition.
- Huh.
Listen, would you be interest..
Hm...no, you wouldn't.
What? Try me.
Alright, okay.
Uh...I thought that
maybe after dinner
we could, uh..
...oh, gosh, this
is embarrassing.
How do I put it?
I mean, nothing wrong.
I mean, i-it's just..
Alright, I'll tell you,
you ready?
I have this secret weakness
for Disney movies.
And there's one
playing right now
at the Orpheum Theatre.
I wouldn't want this
to get around
but, uh, I happen to be
a closet Disney fan myself.
Now, don't tell anybody.
Oh, it's a deal!
- It's a deal.
- Okay.
(David)
'What temperature do we use?'
(Tommy)
'Beats me.'
(David)
'Alright, guess we
just, uh, throw
'everything together, right?'
Uh, no, I think
we're supposed
to separate this stuff.
Oh, yeah. Uh, yeah,
but, uh, what goes where?
(Tommy)
'Uh...oh, I, I got an idea!'
Let's put the black socks
with the table linens.
Good idea!
[washing machines whirring]
[doorbell rings]
I'll get it.
Abby!
Oh! What a nice surprise.
Come in.
Susan!
Guess who's here?
Hi.
Joannie, you left your
purse at my apartment.
Oh! That was really
careless of me.
I'm sorry you had to come
all the way over here.
It's okay. I just, uh, happen
to be in the neighborhood.
(Susan)
'How about a cup of coffee?'
Oh, no. I, I couldn't.
It's alright.
He's not here.
- He's out.
- On a date.
(Joannie)
'Yeah.'
It's y-you know, it's so good
that, that he's dating again.
- Practically, every night.
- I'm glad.
- You are?
- 'Sure, Susan.'
I mean, um, your dad's
really a good man
and, uh, well,
he should be dating.
Hey, Joannie, uh, the purse bit
was a little bit transparent.
And, uh, well, the truth is
I really don't wanna hear
about your dad's love life.
I'll see you.
Yeah, well, uh,
thanks, man.
Yeah, we got it all
down pat. Thanks.
Yeah, well, that was
just terrific.
Yeah, alright, wise guy.
So we blew it.
At least we learned
something, right?
Oh, yeah.
"First you put the delicate
stuff over there."
"And no starch."
[laughing]
Come on.
[chuckling]
[thudding]
Whose turn is it this time?
Yours. I went up
the last time.
Besides, I think
they're in your room.
Our room?
Oh, no!
[thudding]
Nicholas, Peter,
get out of my room!
Watch out, we're in the middle
of a blizzard!
Oh!
'Oh, no.'
[instrumental music]
(Nancy)
'It was the pattern that I made'
'for my beauty pageant dress,
dad.'
Well, I'm sure it can be put
back together again, can it?
I'm afraid not, Tom.
This thing's a disaster.
Nancy, I'm really
sorry about this.
Sometimes Peter gets
just carried away.
- It's okay.
- No, it's not okay.
Let me tell you what
I want you to do.
First thing tomorrow morning
I want you to come down
to my dress shop
and let me fix you up
with a dress on the house.
No, Ellen, I couldn't.
Really, please.
It would make me feel
a lot better.
Okay. Thanks.
- Tom, I have to go.
- Yeah, sure.
I'll walk you down
to the car.
(Ellen)
Okay.
[instrumental music]
- Hey, dad.
- Hey!
- Hi, dad.
- How are you?
How was your evening?
Very nice.
The Penguin Room?
Yes, as a matter of fact,
and she loved it.
I suppose she
loves Disney, too.
Yes, she did.
And you know what?
I can think of
at least one woman
that could take a lesson
from this lady.
[instrumental music]
The Penguin Room and Disney?
Oh! It looks like
we created a monster.
We created nothing.
Ellen comes with one.
I mean, what would happen if--
Don't even mention it.
Oh, Susan! Abby wasn't the least
bit jealous, was she?
No.
[sighs]
I think we blew it.
I'll say we blew it.
[instrumental music]
- Nancy!
- What?
Unless you stand still
your hem is gonna
walk with a limp.
Oh, sorry, Ellen. I guess
I'm just kind of nervous.
Are you kidding?
Poured into one of
my slinkiest items?
- Take a look at this.
- Alright.
Oh, Ellen, it's beautiful.
Now, picture yourself
up there on that stage.
- All those lights on, huh?
- Mm-hm.
Everything in its place.
Make-up, perfect.
A vision of loveliness.
[sighs]
No.
More like a vision of boring.
Oh, not the dress, me.
You see, everyone has
to have a routine.
- Mm-hm.
- To show how talented they are.
Well, I'm gonna show
how talented I'm not.
Oh, come on.
Don't put yourself down.
Don't you have any hobbies?
Well, the closest thing
I ever had as a hobby
was cheerleading
in high school.
I tried a baton
twirling routine
and I almost totaled
out my sister.
Well, I wouldn't
worry about it.
If you put the problem before
that oversized family of yours
I'm sure somebody will
come up with something.
They already have.
Well, what's the problem?
It's nothing I'd
wanna do in public.
No. Heh, heh.
You know, just try
to get it right.
Keep your back straight.
Back straight. Yeah.
And keep your
smile brights.
Okay, alright.
Alright!
Contestant number one!
What is your favorite book?
"The Bible."
What happened to
"Valley Of The Dolls?"
Shh! "The Bible"
sounds better.
Okay, contestant number one.
What do you want
to do professionally
uh, when you grow up?
I wanna be a doctor.
It sounds noble but I think
it's gonna be threatening
to the male judges.
Really? I thought
it was kinda good.
- No.
- Well, what about a nurse?
There's nothin' threatening
about being a nurse, is there?
- No, it's great.
- Okay, then a nurse.
- Okay, contestant number one.
- Alright.
What is your favorite color?
Uh...red.
White and blue!
- Uh!
- I'm gonna step on your head!
Do you wanna try out, huh?
'Abby, I really didn't mean
to get you involved like this.'
I mean you've already done
enough lending me these curlers.
It's okay. That's okay.
See, between the two of us
we're gonna lick this
talent contest thing of yours.
Yeah, but the question
is how...and when.
Yeah, well, you shoulda
come to me sooner see.
But-but, that's okay,
that's okay.
See, we can't let that
get us discouraged.
Uh, means we just have
to concentrate a little harder
because everybody has a
talent for something, see.
- I've got it.
- What?
This is gonna make
a great routine.
What?
Oh, tell me!
'On you mark.
Get set, go.'
[martial music over tape]
[music continues]
Finished!
Forty five seconds.
- That was terrific.
- Yeah?
Only now, you can do it again
and just slow it down.
I mean, try it more,
with more of a smile, you know.
'Remember you have
to be congenial.'
Congenial?
Congenial is always having
to say you're sorry.
Right.
Abby, you'll be there,
won't you?
Hm. I don't think I should.
I don't wanna make it
uncomfortable for your father.
'Oh, come on.'
It's in the Rotary
Banquet Hall.
That's an awfully big place.
I mean, it isn't like
you're gonna
meet dad and Ellen..
...somewhere.
I mean...what I mean
is dad wouldn't mind.
Let me think about it, okay.
Okay. You wanna try it
one more time?
- From the top!
- Alright.
- Ready?
- Yeah.
Oh, well, I'm afraid I'm just
gonna have to trump this one.
Oh-ho! Bid unmade.
Well, if it hadn't been for that
lousy heart distribution.
And the lousy finesse
by my learned partner.
Uh, this is the point where
we usually start arguing.
I see.
So to, uh, keep up appearances
and not embarrass our guests
I think, I'll just, uh..
...finesse myself into
the kitchen for coffee.
I'll give you a hand.
Hey, you have got yourself
a winner there, old buddy.
Oh, yeah, she is a pretty fair
bridge player, alright.
That's not the half of it!
I mean, she is a
terrific lady.
Did you notice?
She doesn't overbid the hand
the way Abby did.
She did not talk
during the game.
She doesn't go out of
her way to disagree.
Yeah. I know.
You know, Max
there's something about
that woman that worries me.
What's to worry about?
Absolutely nothing.
That's what worries me.
You are a very fortunate man.
- Be happy!
- Oh, I'm happy, alright.
I just worry
when I'm happy.
[car approaches]
Elizabeth, what are
you doing here?
Uh, I'm a prisoner of w*r.
They locked me out an hour ago.
But you're supposed to be
in charge of the boys.
Okay, so you don't have to pay
me for the last hour then.
- I'm sorry, Ellen.
- It's alright.
- Nicholas, let me in!
- Boys!
(Nicholas)
'What's the password?'
Elizabeth, what's
the password?
Dad, if I knew the password
why would I be
sittin' out here.
Hi, dad.
Guess what?
Oh, it's too late
and I'm too tired
to play questions.
I went to see Abby tonight.
- She solved my talent problem.
- Oh, that's great, Nancy.
Okay, Nicholas, get upstairs
and get to sleep.
- But I already am asleep.
- Oh, come on.
Dad! I really
owe Abby a lot.
That's nice.
How was your date?
Oh, we had a wonderful time.
Thank you.
- That's more than I had.
- What happened?
I don't wanna hear it
for the second time.
If you'll excuse me
I'm going to go to bed.
Goodnight.
Alright, what happened?
Have you ever been held
as a prisoner of w*r
by two eight year olds?
- Huh?
- Forget it.
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[instrumental music]
[knocking on door]
Coming.
Mornin', dad.
What gets you up so bright
and early on a Saturday?
Socks.
Oh. Come on in.
Right over here.
Well, I don't know if
you got what you want.
But I must say that these
whites are whiter than ever.
Well, when it comes to laundry
I really know my women.
How's your woman?
Huh? She's not my woman.
She never was.
She accused me of not having
enough time for her.
'Heh, I mean that's a joke.'
If I don't have
enough time for her
then how come I have all
this time to think about it.
I tell you sometimes that
Abby is a real hard case.
I meant how's Ellen.
Huh? Ellen.
Oh, Ellen. Oh, yes,
she's fine, just fine.
Well, that's good to know.
Yes, she's a wond..
She's a wonder..
That's the most wonderful women
I ever met in my life.
I mean, i-it's a pleasure
to be around her.
She's kind and generous.
She plays a wonderful
game of bridge.
Unlike someone else we know?
Exactly.
I tell you, do you know,
I don't know how I lasted
as long as I did with Abby.
You don't know what
she was really like.
We used to argue half
the time we were together.
She was stubborn,
opinionated, unpredictable.
If I say something's white,
she says it's black.
I say, alright, you're
right it is black
she says, "No, it's white."
I mean, it had to end!
[instrumental music]
It's hard giving up someone
you like, isn't it?
It's impossible.
Listen, dad, when
push comes to shove
you can always try hangin'
out in laundromats.
Never fails.
[instrumental music]
Pretty snappy.
Oh, yeah? I'm glad
you like it.
I'm taking Ellen
to the theatre.
You don't know where
Nicholas is, do you?
He's in the sun porch.
- Oh, thanks.
- Have a good time.
Nicholas.
'Over here.'
Oh! Hey. Hi there, champ.
What are you doing?
Thinking.
Oh! Well, why are you
thinking in the corner?
Because there's nothin' else
to do in the corner.
Hm. That makes sense.
Wouldn't you rather be doing
something with Peter?
No.
But we've got a professional
babysitter this time.
I still don't wanna go.
Nicholas, look, Ellen
and I are going out
and we've got it all planned.
That's what you planned.
The only thing I ever planned
was for you to meet Peter's mom.
Oh, I see.
You didn't want a new friend
thrown in the bargain.
Nope. Do I still have to go?
No, not if you
don't want to.
Thanks.
I'm done thinking now.
[instrumental music]
I know it was my idea
but I really didn't expect
it to be that bad.
Well, no. We shouldn't
be too critical.
Actually, the sets were
clever, costumes were cute.
For a road company, some of the
performances were pretty good.
Well, all the parts were there,
so how come it doesn't work?
Maybe they tried too hard.
Or maybe, uh
everything was
just too perfect.
I really don't know.
[instrumental music]
Okay, everybody,
you ready?
Drum-roll maestro, please.
Here she comes,
Miss Sacramento herself!
[all cheering]
(Susan)
'Nancy, you're beautiful!'
Alright!
Good luck, Nancy.
- I'll be rooting for you.
- I'm gonna need it, daddy.
I know I've been kind of
preoccupied the last few days
but with me, you've
always been a winner.
Thank you, daddy.
I'll never forget this
moment as long as I live.
You're just goin' across
town not to the moon.
[indistinct chattering]
- Come on!
- Okay! Alright!
One small step for man
(both)
one giant step for mankind!
- Right!
- Let's go win.
(David)
'Relax. You look perfect.'
(Nancy)
'I just wish Abby could
see how I turned out.'
- 'Abby's not coming?'
- 'No.'
(David)
'I think we have time
for a detour.'
[tires screeching]
[instrumental music]
[knocking on the door]
Who is it?
(Nancy)
'Nancy and David.'
- Hey! How you doin'?
- Hi!
Oh! You look..
Nancy, you look beautiful!
Do you really think so, Abby?
I think you are, um..
...a definite contender.
Thank you.
Abby, I really wish
you'd come tonight.
Oh, Nancy, look, uh,
we've been over all this.
See and, uh..
Well, y-your dad and I--
My dad is not asking you.
I did.
Hey, look, we're
friends, right?
Yeah, of course we're friends.
Sure, we're friends.
Well, no matter what happened
between you and my dad.
I don't think that should have
to effect our relationship.
Come on. What do you
say, friend?
I say, um..
...let me think about it.
(Nancy)
'Okay.'
But in the meantime,
you gotta get there
and, uh, you gotta knock
'em dead too, okay.
I will.
And make sure she gets
there alright, alright?
- Bye.
- Bye.
- Good luck.
- 'Thanks.'
[instrumental music]
[all clapping]
[music continues]
Oh! How about that?
Let's hear it for the band
ladies and gentlemen!
[applauding]
Thank you!
And now, here are our
five lovely finalists!
Miss Deidre Murphy!
'Come on out here, honey!'
[all cheering]
[instrumental music]
Finalist number two!
Miss Mary Lou Foster!
Where is she?
Come on out, Mary Lou!
[all cheering]
[music continues]
Finalist number three!
Miss Tina Johnson!
[all cheering]
[all cheering]
A lovely young lady
if ever I saw one!
Thank you, darling.
Finalist number four!
Rose Sez...Ss..
[giggling]
'Ser-Sez-Sewool..'
Sowalzki! Rose Sowalzki,
ladies and gentlemen!
[music continues]
'And a lovely long-stemmed rose,
if ever I saw one!'
[all applauding]
'Alright, hold it down, fellas!'
And last but not least.
Are you wondering who our last
and final lucky lady is?
(all)
'Yeah!'
I bet you think
it's your sister?
(in unison)
Yeah!
'Or your daughter?'
Yeah!
Well, let's see
if you're right!
[drumroll]
And here she is!
The fifth and last
finalist herself
Miss Nancy Bradford!
Let's hear it for her!
[all cheering]
Here she is,
ladies and gentlemen!
[instrumental music]
Thank you! Thank you
very much, folks!
Now, hold it down, folks!
The judges have to make
their final decision.
So while they're casting
their final vote
it's intermission time!
[instrumental music]
[crowd chattering]
Penny for your thoughts.
Oh, what a beautiful night.
I was just thinking
about Nancy.
I hope everything works
out alright for her.
Well, out of all
those girls
only one of them
is gonna win.
And you know what?
Sometimes losing turns out
to be the best thing.
You'd be hard-pressed
to convince Nancy of that.
Well, I'm not trying
to convince Nancy, Tom.
I think we said it
last night at the theatre.
Things are just too perfect.
All the parts are
there but, uh..
...just doesn't work.
We tried too hard.
Maybe. I really enjoy
your company, Tom.
We're great bridge partners.
We can sit and agree
on how to solve
all the world's problems.
But there's just no, uh..
...spark.
'No chemistry.'
I guess we're just not
right for each other.
Well, there's still one
good thing about us.
What's that?
We still agree.
You're a very wise..
..and wonderful woman
Why, thank you
very much, sir.
[instrumental music]
Well, here it is, folks!
The big moment you've
all been waiting for!
We polled the judges!
And the winner is..
[drumroll]
...Mary Lou Foster!
[audience applauding]
[instrumental music]
She seems to be taking it
better than I thought.
Good sportsmanship seems
to be in vogue this evening.
I think I'll go backstage
and, uh, console her.
Yeah. Come on, let's all
go backstage, guys.
Come on.
Uh, wait a minute. Where do
you think you're going?
Backstage. I think I recognize
one of the blondes.
You know, you'll never learn?
Wanna make some bet?
Anytime.
- This I gotta see.
- Me too!
- Hi.
- Oh, hi!
Uh, don't tell me, I know.
You just happened to be
in the neighborhood.
And I thought that
I'd just drop in.
[chuckles]
Yeah, well,
I'm glad you did.
Shame about Nancy.
- Hi, daddy.
- Oh, Nancy! I'm so sorry!
Hey. It was a trip!
Oh! Oh, look, the-they
don't know each other.
Ah, ah, Ellen, this is Abby.
'Abby, Ellen.'
Hello, Ellen.
- It's nice to meet you.
- Hello, Abby.
Tom, uh, could I have
the keys to the car?
I'd like to take Nancy out for
a consolation fudge sundae.
Oh, sure. That's great!
Uh, Nancy, be sure to tell
David though to drive me home.
Well, David's already
left, he said had
to pay back a debt
with Tommy.
What? Well, how am
I gonna get...home?
I think you'll
find a ride.
Hm. Wonder what
she means by that?
Lady...going my way?
Maybe.
[both chuckle]
[instrumental music]
Well, she seemed, uh..
...she seemed very nice.
Yeah, yeah. She was nice
and it's too bad too.
- Why?
- Oh, I don't know.
She's just so nice that she
use to make me a nervous wreck.
I mean, she never
lost her temper.
Never overbid at bridge.
There was no, ah..
...how do you say,
fire between us.
It was just...warm.
[hissing]
Listen, I have an idea.
What do you say we go,
uh, for a nightcap?
That's good.
I'd like to.
Alright. I think I can
get reservations
at the Penguin Room.
The Penguin Room? The Penguin
Room is like a morgue.
Let's go some place fun, you
know, l-like the Marimba Lounge.
Oh, come on, Abby. Don't start..
I can't stand that place!
It gives me a migraine, all
those noisy people with their
La Cucarachas. Now,
come on, give me a break!
Tom, we always go
where you wanna go.
Just once, just once I'd
like to go where I wanna go.
Alright, Abby. I don't
wanna argue with you.
We'll go where you wanna go.
Give me the keys to your car.
Oh, no, no, you're not
driving my car again
until you have at least
one more lesson.
I am not gonna be chauffeured
around like Nicholas
to a birthday party,
now give me the keys!
No, Tom, you're not
driving my car!
- Abby!
- Tom!
- Abby!
- Tom!
Yes!
Tom, do you realize
what we're doing?
Yes!
And I love it.
[instrumental music]
Peanut butter.
Lots of peanut butter.
- Hi, Mary.
- Hi.
Uh, Tommy, while
you're over there
will you see
if we have any eggs?
Nope. We're all out.
Two dozen eggs..
Are you, uh, making
a shopping list?
Uh-huh, only now that
dad's seeing Abby again
the volume's back
to normal.
Uh, Mary?
I've got a...proposition
for you.
You're too young.
No, I'm serious.
Say, I-I've been feeling
a little guilty about
the amount of food I eat.
You're going on
a hunger strike.
Nope. Better than that.
I'm gonna do the shopping
for the whole family.
You're going shopping?
Yup. Just give me the list.
You feeling okay, Tommy?
Sure. Beats the schoolyard.
You see, they're-they're
older at the supermarket.
More sophisticated.
More formed.
You know, Mary, there's
something about the sight
of a helpless young male,
lonely and confused
confronted with the
breathtaking variety
of all the yogurt flavors.
A woman just can't resist.
It's pure maternal instinct.
Never fails.
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
[music continues]
02x04 - Double Trouble
Watch/Buy Amazon
The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.
The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.