Hello, is Missy Cappleton
there, please?
Nicolas Bradford,
I'm in her class.
Hello, Missy. Yeah, remember
today in penmanship class?
Mrs. Dubwik said
you're M's are really good.
Well, I was wondering
if I can borrow some.
M's. What do you mean
"That's not fair?"
I'd give them back to you right
when I'm done tracing 'em.
It is not cheating.
It's not.
Boy, thanks a lot.
What's the matter, Nicolas?
It's Missy Cappleton. She won't
lend me her M's for penmanship.
Oh.
Well, you know,
you're really not supposed
to trace other people's
letters in penmanship.
Oh, yeah? How come
Freddy Ryan lends me his W's?
[sighs]
Girls.
[theme music]
[music continues]
[instrumental music]
Oh, hey, cut that out.
Joannie! It's w*r!
[indistinct yelling]
Hey. Hey!
[yelling continues]
[screaming]
No!
- No!
- That's cute.
'That's really cute.'
- 'Okay, this is w*r!'
- 'You're on!'
[horn honking]
- 'Hey!'
- 'No!'
[indistinct chattering]
[giggling]
Hi, dad.
- No!
- Oh..
[giggling]
What's that?
This...is the water bill.
(Tom)
'Look, I would like
to remind you'
'that we are experiencing
a water shortage in the state.'
A serious water shortage.
So serious,
in fact, that our governor
is declaring it
a state of emergency.
If he knew what was going on
in this house
he would declare it a disaster.
Well, dad,
what are we suppose to do?
I-I mean,
it's the big corporations
that are wasting that stuff.
No, no, no.
We are doing our share.
Now, we're gonna have
to cut down our consumption %
or these bills
are gonna go up %.
Alright, why don't
we start with Nancy
not washing her hair
twice a day, huh?
Me? What about your garden?
And Joannie learning
her lines in the shower.
(Mary)
'The garden is food, Nancy.'
Yeah, and the shower is
the only place I can practice.
Now, just hold on.
It's very obvious that somebody
is gonna have to organize
these whole thing.
Somebody other than me.
Now, come on,
do I have any volunteers?
- Not me.
- No.
Me. Me.
- 'Yeah.'
- Hey, that's a good idea.
Alright.
Nicholas, are you ready?
By the powers vested to me
I hereby appoint you...
water monitor.
When do I start?
Yesterday.
Hey, : o'clock.
Right on the nose.
Sure hope we can
pull this thing off.
Oh, it's a piece of cake.
With minutes between rounds
we got plenty of time.
Yeah, but what if the watchman
changes his schedule?
And what if the moon
changes to cheese?
What's the matter with you,
you chicken?
- No, of course not.
- Well, that's good.
This is a two-man job
and I've already
started taking orders.
You really think the market
will be good for these?
[chuckles]
Good. Good?
The eight by ten glossies are
gonna outsell Farrah Fawcett.
Tommy, my boy, the market
is gonna be out of sight.
[groans]
[upbeat music on stereo]
Come on, dad, it's disco time.
Let's do the Bradford Shuffle.
No, I don't wanna do
the Bradford Shuffle.
'Would you mind turning
that down a little?'
Hey, Elizabeth.
Bradford Shuffle time?
Alright. I think I got
the first one down.
Let's try it..
[music continues]
I think I'll go lie down.
(Nicholas)
'What exactly does
a water monitor do, dad?'
(Tom)
'Yes, what exactly does
a water monitor do?'
Let's see. Inspection.
That's right, he has
to inspect all types of
uh, bathroom
and kitchen plumbing.
Oh, checks for leaks, huh, dad?
That's right. Leaks and drips
and all forms of waste.
Oh, well.
What if I find something wrong?
Oh, if you find something wrong,
then you have to supervise
the repairs and consult me.
- But only if you have to.
- 'Oh, right, dad.'
Now, after the inspection,
you have to post the new rules
and enforce those rules
by timing the water usage.
Wow, a stop watch.
Yes, I used to jog a lot
when I was young and foolish.
Boy, I get to boss
everyone around.
That's right, you're the law
around here, Nicholas.
I think, I think you should
offer him a home cooked meal.
See, most graduate
students are in
in desperate need
of home cooking.
You don't think
that's too aggressive, do you?
I mean, I'd hate
to scare this guy off.
No, no, I don't think
it's too aggressive.
You see, Susan,
most men like to be, um..
Well, they like
to be approached.
But you have-you have to
approach them, um..
...carefully.
'So, what kind of guy is he?'
Well, he's a very
deep intellectual.
I mean, that's the problem,
I mean, I wish there was
'something I could
talk to him about.'
You could whisper deep
intellectual things in his ear.
That's cute. He's cute.
'Oh, I wish
I was five years older.'
You look old enough.
In fact,
with your hair up like this
you look five years older.
- You really think so?
- Yes.
In fact, I think you look, um..
...very...um..
...elegant.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Oh, thanks.
- Elegant, huh?.
- Yes.
Hm.
Goodnight. Oh.
[chuckling]
Oh, hey.. That's me.
[laughs]
All together, how many?
- Eight of them?
- Eight of them.
But don't let them scare you.
Just don't turn
your back on 'em.
(Martin)
'I'll try to remember that.'
You know,
it smells good already.
I haven't had
a home cooked meal in ages.
You know I thought
you looked undernourished
on the courts today.
I felt undernourished.
But I haven't had
so much fun in six months.
- Anybody got a look at him?
- Well, just a quickie.
Susan has him in the kitchen,
watching her peel potatoes.
Ew, what a weird way
to entertain a date.
I know, she thinks
she's gonna show him
what a nice little
homemaker she is.
[laughing]
That's a laugh.
The only thing Susan knows
how to cook is a salad.
Yeah, and she
usually burns that.
Well, I don't know
about you guys
but, uh,
I'm gonna check him out.
- Me too.
- Hey, hey, come on.
Wait a minute, you guys,
not so obvious.
- One at a time.
- One at a time, Joannie.
One at a time.
Martin, you've been
working too hard.
It's just till
I finish my thesis.
After I deliver that paper
I'm taking two weeks off
to unwind.
And then,
I'm gonna take a vacation.
Oh, what you need
is a few days in the mountains.
Oh, you have any particular
mountain in mind?
Oh, as the matter of fact,
I happened to know
of a lovely little mountain.
Uh-huh.
Hi, Susan, can I help?
Hi, Nancy, certainly,
you can...peel.
Oh, sure.
Oh, Martin, this is Nancy.
Nancy, Marty.
- Hi.
- Hi, Martin.
Well, tell me, uh,
did she beat you?
Straight sets.
Oh, don't feel bad,
you're not the first.
- Hi, everybody.
- Hi.
Can we help?
Oh, who said you can't get
good help anymore.
Marty, are you in some of
the same classes with Susan?
No, Mr. Bradford, I'm a PhD
candidate in education.
And a very promising
tennis player.
Wow, Abby, did you hear that,
Marty teaches education?
Hm, really, what field?
Well, it's a little technical.
My thesis is based on
reading score correlations.
I don't suppose you've heard
of the Prager-Schiffman Method.
- Prager-Schiffman?
- 'Right.'
'Wilhelm Prager
and Dorothy Schiffman.'
Um...I've been teaching
that method for years
to my problem readers.
- You have?
- 'Yeah.'
Um, Abby, I don't think
Martin wants to talk
about his work right now,
he gets so little time to relax.
No, no, no.
I-I'm very interested in this.
I've been looking
for somebody who uses
'Prager-Schiffman in the field.'
I-I have to deliver
that dissertation in two weeks.
How long have you been
using the reading score
correlation parabola?
About ten years.
- Ten years of data?
- Mm-hmm.
That's incredible.
Can you believe this, Susan?
Theory meets practice.
(Martin)
'D-does the data significant?'
(Abby)
'Well, with some
modifications, yeah.'
(Martin)
'What-what modifications?'
'My doctoral thesis is based
on reading score correlations.'
'I'd love to look at that data.'
Well, my-my data's
in the garage.
- Could I have a look at it?
- 'Uh...uh..'
'Uh, Susan,
would you mind terribly'
'if we excuse ourselves
for a minute?'
- No.
- You sure?
Okay, well, um...you guys
carry on. We'll be right back.
You wouldn't have
quotient grade differential..
[instrumental music]
Well, he hit it off quite well.
Yeah. Like gangbusters.
[instrumental music]
Abby, thanks a million
for the data.
It's invaluable. I'll call you
first thing in the morning?
Oh, sure.
Pleasure meeting you,
Mr. Bradford.
Susan, the dinner was terrific.
I'll see you.
[door closes]
I got a problem, right?
Yeah, right.
Well, parent's rule number one.
Deal with problems
as quickly and directly
as they come up, huh?
You get a lot of doors
slammed in your face
but it, uh,
beats three days of pouting.
I got you.
And he didn't even pay
any attention to Susan.
I wonder what dad thought.
Oh, hi, dad.
- Martin gone?
- Nice guy, wasn't he?
Yeah, boy,
he was interesting, huh?
I learned so much
about Prager and Schiffler.
No, I think it was Pregman
and-and Schiffman, huh? No.
- 'It was a good topic.'
- 'It was.'
- 'It was different.'
- 'Dinner was great.'
[knock on door]
[music continues]
Susan?
Would you like to talk about it?
Yeah, I'd like to talk about it.
Okay.
I'm listening.
Okay.
I bring a guy home for dinner..
...and you completely monopolize
the conversation
so that no one can get
a word in edgewise.
Abby, I went out of my way to
get Martin's mind off his work
and then you completely turn
it around to his PhD thesis.
And then, heh, then you get up
from the dinner table
and march right on out to the
garage in front of everybody.
- Are you finished?
- Yeah, I'm finished.
Is there anything else
you'd like to add?
Well, first of all,
I don't think
we monopolize the conversation.
'We just discovered
a mutual interest'
'and maybe our enthusiasm
got us a little carried away'
but, oh, believe me, Susan,
I have no intention
of interfering in your
relationship with Martin.
Abby, you have.
'My work
is very important to me'
as is apparently,
Martin's to him.
W-we're just in a position
to help each other out.
And I suppose
that you're going to
continue to be in a position
to help each other out?
Yes.
'That's just great, Abby.'
My only competition
used to be two eggheads
named Prager and Schiffman
and now I've got my, uh
stepmother in the way to boot.
Apparently, you're too angry
to hear what I'm saying
but I'm gonna say it anyway.
- Could I stop you?
- No.
If you don't trust me enough
to work on an academic project
with a friend of yours..
...then that just doesn't say
very much for our relationship.
I'd like you
to think about that.
[instrumental music]
(Tom)
'Hey, look, look,
if the news is bad'
'I mean, just blurt it
right out. Tell me.'
Okay.
I hate to tell you this but
you're in decent physical shape.
Decent? What does decent mean?
All the tests are within
normal limits for man your age.
For a man my age?
Well, let's face it.
You're not years old anymore.
I know, I mean,
I'd settle for .
Hm.
Will you stop being silly?
All I'm trying to say is that..
Well, you're...you're a
perfectly normal healthy adult.
What you really
should do is, um
let the engine run for a few
minutes before you take off.
You know, lubricate the chassis,
uh, watch the oil level.
Hey...what's up?
You're supposed to back
a clever comeback.
Then I say something funny
and then you..
It's called a conversation.
Max, can I ask you
a very frank question?
Sure.
Do you think
I'm too old for Abby?
Are you kidding?
What is this?
The seven month itch?
She's crazy in love with you.
I know, it's just..
Why do I feel
that she has more in common
with my kids
than she does with me?
For example, two days ago,
Susan comes home with this
year old kid.
Abby hits it off
with him right away.
So what?
So now, the two of them took off
and they're working
on some project
that they're both interested in.
I mean, I didn't even
wanna talk to this kid.
I think you're being
absolutely ridiculous.
But if you're worried,
get it out in the open.
Go right to the source.
'Ask her.'
Deal with the problem as quickly
and directly as possible.
What's that?
May get a lot of doors
slammed in my face
but it beats
three days of sulking.
- So, where's the leak?
- You're lookin' straight at it.
You mean this tiny little drip?
David, in a water emergency
every little drip
turns out to be a big drip.
I don't have time for this.
- Put a bucket under it.
- Dad! Dad!
[blows whistle]
Oh, what is it, Nicholas?
What's the matter?
David won't fix the leak.
I mean, you look at it,
it's tiny.
It's not worth the trouble.
Dad, you did say
I was in charge.
Uh, yes, Nicholas, I-I did.
Uh, David, I did put Nicholas
in charge of water
'and he is right,
it's little drips like this'
that add up to
one big water shortage.
Sure, why not?
What else do I have to do,
except relax
have a couple of beers,
get together with Lucy?
Thanks, David.
We really appreciate it.
Thanks...drip.
Oh, hey, Dave,
can I borrow your drill?
Yeah, sure.
What do you want it for?
- To drill a hole.
- Okay.
That's a good thing
to do with a drill.
Yeah.
Hey, David, you better get
workin' on that drip.
You know, Nicholas..
...someday you're going to make
a great prison warden.
- 'So simple.'
- 'Yeah.'
(Abby)
'That's the beauty of it.'
Once you define the variable,
it comes to a perfect parabola.
Yes, but the reading quotient
becomes important.
I know, I know.
The small data sample
I was using
there was no way
of defining the variable.
Well, now all you need
is some computer time
when you're in business, right?
Yeah. You want some cheese?
- Yeah, what kind is it?
- Camembert.
Mm.
It's amazing how things
sort of fell into place
once we started
working together.
Mm-hmm.
I don't know what
I would've done without you.
You would've had a parabola
with a sag in the middle.
What?
A parabola with
a sag in the middle.
Uh, a parabola with
a sag in the middle. Yes.
[chuckles]
I mean,
you don't think so, Mary?
What about that Peter Winograd?
- Winograd?
- Yeah. Well, whatever.
You-you were dating him.
- Right?
- Yeah.
One glorious summer.
Yeah, and you met
on some project.
Biology. We shared a frog.
For several days we preceded
to dissect poor Herby
and, uh, made small talk
and then boom, we were dating.
I know,
that's exactly what worries me
about Abby and Martin.
I-I mean, it could start off
innocently enough
and everything with Preyburgh
and whatever her name is
but, I mean, this could
lead to something, Mary.
Do you know they have been
at it for a whole week?
Practically everyday.
Yeah.
Sooner or later,
he's gonna try something.
You guys,
just because two people happen
to be of the opposite sex,
it doesn't mean that
'that they can't
work together without'
getting romantically involved?
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
- Look at Sonny and Cher.
- It's a bad example.
The problem is
is that men and women have
never been allowed to work
together as equals.
Mary, the point is..
...that every time
a man and woman are together
there's some amount
of sexual energy.
[hissing]
[chuckles]
Alright, did you get it alright?
Oh, yeah. Thirty-five
millimeter, the best.
- How about you?
- No sweat.
Oh, terrific. Did you have
any problems with your brother?
No, I can handle him.
Are you sure you can take
pictures with that thing?
Are you kidding?
Tommy, my boy, these pictures
are gonna be superb.
Maybe just a little bit
overexposed?
[laughs]
Definitely overexposed.
Here, hang onto this.
Alright. Ready?
'Oh, boy, tomorrow afternoon,
it's nothing'
'but girls, girls, girls.'
[machine whirring]
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
What? "Three minute showers?"
W-what are you going on about?
Get a load of this.
- "The new rules."
- Read them and weep.
"No running water
for dishwashing."
Now, how am I supposed
to wash the dishes?
You're gonna love number six.
It concerns flushing.
No way, I can't live like this.
Oh, look,
what he's calling himself.
"By order of
the Water Commissioner."
That's me.
The Water Commissioner.
[sighs]
More like the commissar.
Well, Mary, this looks too easy.
Yeah.
Listen, there, uh,
there's some, uh, stakes
in the freezer
and there's stuff for salad.
- Abby, we'll manage.
- O-okay.
Well, look, I-I'm going to
Martin's to, uh
uh, give him these data sheets
and then we're gonna go
over the computer print-outs
and, uh..
Well, I-I shouldn't be too late.
Y-you got the number, right?
- Right?
- Right. Okay.
Yeah...I've got the number.
[telephone rings]
Hello?
Oh, sure, yeah. Just a minute.
Elizabeth!
Elizabeth, phone!
(Elizabeth)
'I got it!'
Just a minute.
[door closes]
Well, uh,
anybody for frozen steaks?
- Yeah, I'm starved.
- Good.
Come on.
Let's go.
[instrumental music]
[knock on door]
Oh, Martin,
you're not gonna believe this.
I don't even believe this,
I didn't even remember
till I got in the elevator.
- I forgot the data sheets.
- Makes no difference.
What do you mean
it makes no difference?
- We're going out.
- Martin, what do you mean--
I got a surprise for you.
Martin, listen, now,
wait a minute, we're not--
In minutes, Wilhelm Prager
and Dorothy Schiffman
are speaking
at the university auditorium.
Why didn't you tell me?
Then it wouldn't have
been a surprise.
- They're in Sacramento?
- For one night.
Oh, that's great,
come on, let's go.
What do you mean,
in the, at the auditorium?
Yes, and we got to get going..
[music continues]
[car door closes]
[engine turns over]
[music continues]
A girl oughta spend some time
on her ground strokes.
Why don't you volunteer
your services?
What's that supposed to mean?
Oh, nothing. Nothing.
So, did you learn
anything interesting
from Abby last night?
Susan, I-I don't know
what's bugging you.
Abby and I get along just fine.
If you really wanna know,
we ended up going to a lecture.
Oh, you went out on a date
with my stepmother.
- Oh, that's cute.
- Oh.
Now I know what's bugging you.
No, we did not go out on a date.
We went out on
a fact finding mission.
Martin, you still went out.
Yeah. We even sat in
the back of the auditorium.
- I'm not laughing.
- 'You should be.'
You're acting pretty funny.
Susan, Abby and I
share a mutual interest.
She's going way
out of her way to help me
'and I-I'm very grateful.'
So when is somebody gonna go
way out of his way to help me?
Susan..
Look at me. Come on.
Will you trust me?
This project will be over
before you know it.
Come on.
Beat my brains out.
Suddenly...I'm in the mood.
[instrumental music]
Sorry.
Oh, this is great.
Here comes the volleyball team.
Alright. Oh, there's it..
[laughs]
This is perfect,
this is perfect.
- Oh, come on. Let me see.
- No, no, no!
Go get your camera.
Go get your camera.
- Oh, yeah. Hang on.
- Oh, this is great. Oh.
Wow, come on, Dan, hurry up,
man, I don't wanna miss this.
Alright. Alright, give me
the camera, give me the camera.
Alright. Hey, Danny,
come on, man, cut it out.
Hey, Danny.
Mr. Gillette.
My office.
David Bradford.
David...Bradford.
The cow
in the principal's office.
Oh, that was never proved.
Of course, Bradford.
Whole family of troublemakers
and malcontents, alright.
Of course, here it is.
"Mary Bradford,
always fighting the dress code.
"Joannie, smoking on campus.
'Nancy, truant."'
Do you have anything
on Elizabeth?
No, but then she doesn't
graduate till next June.
'There's always time.'
I must say that's quite
a rap sheet on your family.
Mr. Gillette,
I thought you called me here
to discuss a problem with Tommy.
Actually, I thought
I was calling your father.
Oh, well, he's somewhere
between his office and home.
If you prefer,
we can wait for him.
Or I can personally see
that this matter is handled
in the proper fashion.
In the interest of time,
perhaps that will suffice.
I'm afraid your brother's
offence has plunged
your family's reputation
to an all time low.
Of course, all of this
will be reflected
on Tomas' permanent records.
Of course, I'll make sure
that the schools reimbursed
for all damages.
[chuckling]
Hoo, hoo, ho, boy.
Boy, you really saved
my behind that time, David.
Let me tell you,
you were brilliant in there.
Just-just brilliant.
You know, for a second,
you even sounded like dad.
Oh, you wouldn't tell dad,
though, would you?
Nah, you wouldn't tell dad.
And, David, oh, that one about
the cow in
the principal's office.
Oh, you gotta tell me
about that one, someday.
Can you believe that creep
back there, Mr. Gillette?
All the things he said
about our family
boy, that guy's got some nerve.
You know,
you got a lot of nerve.
You got mush for brains.
Not only did you get caught,
but you get caught
doing something pretty stupid.
And I'm not gonna tell dad,
dummy.
By the time I'm finished with
you, you're gonna wish I had.
[dramatic music]
- I tell you what?
- What?
You don't attack Yakutsk
and I won't move in to Africa
and break up your con--
Come on,
no fair making treaties.
Well, that's right
but then, uh-uh
you have to give me
Kamchatka, okay?
- No, treaty!
- Joan, look..
Ladies, I hate
to break up your w*r
but have any of you seen Abby?
Um, no, dad, I haven't seen her
since I got home.
- Sorry, dad.
- Why don't you check Tommy?
He might know.
Okay, Mary, it's a deal.
- Alright.
- What?
That means, Joannie,
I gonna attack you
in the Ukraine from Iceland,
through round one..
Alright, okay,
you guys are gonna pay for this.
[indistinct chattering]
- 'Yeah.'
- 'Alright, okay.'
(Joannie)
'You guys are gonna pay
for this.'
(Tom)
'Tommy?'
Oh, yeah, dad.
Oh, hi.
Listen, do-do you know
where, uh, Abby is?
Uh, uh, no, no,
I came in late myself.
I see.
[door closes]
[knock on door]
(Tom)
'Hi, anybody home?'
Uh, yeah, dad, come on in.
Am I interrupting anything?
Well, not really.
I'm just trying to figure out
what makes this Prager
and Schiffman such hot stuff.
Oh, do you know where Abby is?
No, I don't know where she is.
But I have a pretty good idea
who she's with.
Uh, with your boyfriend again?
Yeah.
Listen, do you mind
if I borrow this book?
Suddenly I have a burning desire
to find out more about
Prager and Schiffman.
[door opens]
[door closes]
[door opens]
Oh.
Oh, gosh.
I must have dozed off.
This is, um..
...fascinating reading, huh?
Yeah, gripping.
The butler didn't do it.
[Tom sighs]
So why this, uh,
sudden interest
in reading score correlation..
Well, it was just
lying around, so I thought..
'The truth?'
Because of you.
Me.
That's right, I thought
if I could relate to this
maybe I could start
relating to you.
[sighs]
Tom, that is so silly.
[chuckles]
Um, I thought we already related
on things
a lot more important than
educational theory.
Maybe.
But on some levels
we don't relate at all.
You know,
there's more than a few years
between us.
What brings this up
all of a sudden?
Oh, I don't know.
A lot of dumb things, I guess.
Things like my yearly physical.
Things like you and Elizabeth
practicing
all the latest dance steps.
Things like you and..
...Martin hitting
it off so well.
I see, so, um..
...you're worried
about Martin, too, huh?
No, why would
I worry about that kid?
I'm not worried, I mean..
I'm worried or,
I'm concerned about you and me.
You know, there's some people
more than a few years
is like a generation gap.
If a few years
were generation gap then, um..
...I wouldn't have much to say
to Martin either, would I?
Maybe that's my point.
You're not making
very much sense.
I know.
Let's drop it, huh?
I'm going upstairs to bed.
Are you coming?
In a little while, I, um
I have a little bit
of work to do still.
Goodnight.
Goodnight.
[birds chirping]
(Joannie)
'"Let me not to the marriage
of true minds'
'"admit impediments.'
'"Love is not love that alters'
'"when it alteration finds.'
'"Or bends
with the remover to remove.'
'Oh no,
it is an ever-fixed mark."'
[blows whistle]
[instrumental music]
'Hey, where's the water?'
'Come on, what's going on here?'
'Water! Turn it on!'
'What's wrong with this family,
I don't believe it..'
[mumbling]
'...bathroom to your stuff.'
'What's going on
in here anyway?'
'Hey!'
Oh, Water Monitor,
what's happening?
Huh? The water went off.
You violated rule three
of the water court.
I'm gonna have to
write you a ticket.
Oh, come on, Nicholas, look
there's shampoo in my hair
and everything.
'Come on.'
Tell it to the judge.
Well, I'm going to.
Dad!
Will somebody please tell me
what happened to the water?
Yeah, no kidding.
You created a monster.
(Tom)
'Nicholas.'
Yes, dad?
You're fired.
But I was only
trying to follow orders.
I'll go turn it back on.
Thanks.
Alright, sh**t.
- Four point five one.
- Mm-hmm.
- Five point two six.
- Mm-hmm.
- Three point eight seven.
- Mm-hmm.
- Six point four five.
- Mm-hmm.
Uh, here's one
you're gonna love.
Eleven point four seven.
Wha.. That's gotta be wrong.
We gotta double check that.
Hello.
Hi, Susan.
I made you some hot coffee.
I thought you'd like it.
Oh, thanks, but we've already
had, like, half a pot.
Thanks, Susan.
Did you double check the .?
I did and it correlates.
Well, alright.
- Fudge it.
- "Fudge it." Okay.
So, how we doing?
One more section to go.
- 'Yes, it's great.'
- I can't believe it.
We're actually getting it done.
- Well, you can.
- You're incredible.
Me? It wouldn't be me.
How about, "We, us" you know?
We're in this together.
I know, but I couldn't have
done it without you.
Oh, you would've managed.
Anyway, it's been
very rewarding for me.
Mm, and...I'm gonna make it
even more rewarding.
Yeah?
I'm putting your name
on this paper next to mine.
Oh, Martin,
you-you can't do that.
It's, it's your theory.
It's your data.
Abby, you can't refuse.
You've already done the work.
I, I don't know what to say.
Don't say anything.
Anyway, it's all been said
right here.
Oh, Martin.
'You are so nice.'
[instrumental music]
Abby.
[music continues]
Oh, Mr. Bradford, hi.
Abby's on the screened porch.
She's correlating material.
I hope my plate banging
didn't wake you up.
No, no, I, uh, I wasn't asleep.
How's the project coming?
It's winding down.
We'll finish by Saturday.
With one big push tomorrow.
I guess it's like
handling a baby.
After nine long months, then
the real work finally starts.
I don't know how you two do it.
The long hours,
the pressures of the deadline.
It's a lot easier
with two people.
When one of us gets discouraged
'the other one
picks up the slack.'
'But the truth is'
'I couldn't have
done it without Abby.'
She has the drive and the energy
and stick-to-itiveness
of a teenager.
No kidding.
No, I'm serious.
You're a lucky man,
Mr. Bradford.
I'd take care of her,
if I were you.
'On the open market'
'she'd be snatched up
just like that.'
I better hit the road.
Big day tomorrow.
And I'm sure this house
has seen enough of me today.
I'll just say
goodnight to Abby.
[whispers]
Look at that.
'I'd love a picture of her.'
'She looks so peaceful.'
'I guess everyone
has their limits'
'to how much they can take.'
Definite limits.
I'll, uh, see you tomorrow.
[birds chirping]
(Mary)
'Joannie, what do you,
what did you expect me to do?'
March in there, pull them apart
and then challenge
Martin to a duel?
Well, I would have.
You say that sitting here now.
But if you'd
been there last night
it would have been
a different story.
What are we gonna do?
- What can we do?
- I don't know.
All I know is that it's not
Susan being jealous anymore.
I mean,
there's a lot more at stake.
Oh, boy, you guys
am I glad dad canned Nicholas.
Let me tell you something,
there ain't nothing
like a hot foam and a shower.
Ooh, what are you staring at?
Did I shrink or something?
No.
Oh, we weren't
staring at you, Susan.
Were we staring?
No, we weren't staring.
You were staring.
Oh, well..
Actually it's, you caught us
we were, uh, discussing--
- Prager and Schiffman.
- 'Yeah.'
No.
Yeah, well, you see, Joannie
was just telling me that, um..
Well, Joannie, you tell her
'what you were telling me.'
Well..
Um, I was
telling her that, um
Dorothy Prager and Wilhelm
Schiffman..
It's, um, Wilhelm Prager
and Dorothy Schiffman.
Yeah.
Whatever, anyway, uh..
[chuckles]
Do you know that, um..
...they were married to
other people until they were..
...married to each other?
You kidding.
No, I'm dead serious.
(Mary)
'Well, anyway, uh,
it was according to, uh'
'Abby's books, no, wait a
minute, maybe it was Martin's.'
(Joannie)
'It doesn't matter.
They share everything.'
Well, anyway, uh,
Dorothy and Wilhelm
were spending
so much time together
uh, doing research,
analyzing data.
Uh, you know going over,
uh, projects that
one day, it just got
all too much for them.
So, they ran away together?
Yup.
That's what they did.
Gee.
I wonder if they took
their research with them.
Hmm.
I wonder.
Have a nice day, dad.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
Bye.
(Tom)
'Morning.'
Morning.
Uh, how are you feeling?
Just fine.
How are you?
Fine, fine.
I haven't seen
much of you lately.
Everything going well?
Yeah.
Real good.
How about you?
No complaints.
Good.
Hi.
Bye. Gotta run.
Abby's certainly feeling
chipper this morning.
Yeah.
Chipper.
[knock on door]
- You're late.
- Only five minutes.
Come in.
'I'll expect you here
after school today'
'and all weekend.'
(Tommy)
'But-but, David, this-this is'
the apartment,
I mean, the whole apartment.
It'll take me days.
- Several days.
- Right.
- But that's sl*very.
- Right.
sl*very
is against the constitution.
So is drilling holes
in locker room walls.
But so is putting a cow
in the principal's office.
Uh-huh, but I didn't get caught.
Don't forget to lock up
on your way out.
And do a good job because
I'd hate to see
you have to do second coat.
[instrumental music]
Definite limits.
[intense music]
[music continues]
[music continues]
Let me handle this.
Mr. Bradford.
This thing has
gone on long enough.
- Yeah.
- Certainly have.
Hi.
You know, I-I could use
a vacation after all this.
Alone.
I'm sorry to disappoint you.
You too, Susan.
We've been too busy to order up
the champagne and, um..
...it's difficult to recompute
a printouts by candle light.
One thing led to another and..
I don't know, I just
started to imagine things.
Is-is-is this
what you had in mind?
No. Huh.
[chuckles]
Oh, I-I guess I'd like to laugh,
you know?
I'd like to walk outta here
in righteous indignation.
[chuckles]
But you look kinda cute.
You know, you just, uh
standing there like the, uh..
...the perfect picture of
the jealous husband, you know?
'You kind of all
embarrassed and, uh'
flustered and..
You know, Tom Bradford,
if I didn't love you so much..
[instrumental music]
- Abby, I--
- No, no, don't apologize.
I hate apologies.
Besides, uh..
I'll let you in on
an age old secret.
Most women lie for their husband
to feel jealous
every now and then.
- You think so?
- Yeah.
Makes 'em feel, uh,
makes 'em feel kind of special.
You think so?
Yeah, just don't make
a habit of it.
Okay.
Let's go.
I gotta get my stuff.
- I'll get it.
- Okay.
They're gone.
Oh, Martin, I--
Shh, shh. Forget it.
How'd you like to come in
and see my data?
I'd love to.
[instrumental music]
Hey, Nicholas, you got
a phone call while you were out.
Oh, yeah? Who was it?
It was Missy Cappleton.
Yuck.
She said she wanted
to know if you had
a partner
for the citizenship project?
She said something about
giving you M's for exchange.
No way.
I already borrowed Freddy Ryan's
W's and traced them upside down.
That'll teach her
to play hard to get.
(Nancy)
'Hi, Liz. How'd it go?'
Some disco dance.
It was a Latin nostalgia
evening and all they did was
something called the cha-cha.
The cha-cha?
Oh, now that's dancing.
Now you're talking, come on.
I'll show you
how to do the cha-cha.
No, dad, really,
I know how tired you are.
No, no, I'm never
too tired to do the cha-cha.
Now watch closely.
Are you ready?
Cha cha cha cha cha
- You know it too.
- What's going on here?
- Something called dancing.
- Yeah?
Do you mind if I cut in?
Oh, be my guest.
Cha cha cha
Cha cha cha cha cha
Cha cha cha cha cha
[theme music]
[music continues]
02x21 - The Boyfriend
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The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.
The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.