02x22 - Great Expectations

[bunniefuu]

- Abby!

- 'Yes, Nicholas?'

How long did you know

dad before you kissed him?

Umm..

...well, I'll have to think

about that one, why?

Well, I heard Elizabeth

talk about it on the phone.

Elizabeth was talking about

when I first kissed your father?

No, she was talking about

when she first kisses boys.

Oh, oh, oh, well

I-I-I would imagine

that hers and my rules

aren't too far apart...I hope.

So what did Elizabeth say?

Did you learn

anything educational?

I learnt two things.

What was the first one?

Don't get caught listening

to Elizabeth talk on the phone.

And the second?

She hits a lot harder

than Tommy.

[theme music]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

[clanking]

[indistinct yelling]

I think the radiator's

boiling over.

Oh, no.

- 'So is dad.'

- Oh, no.

What kind of a car is this?

Don't ask me.

I don't know about old cars.

Prehistoric is not my category.

This must be the car

that inspired Edsel.

- And tow trucks.

- Oh, come on, dad.

You gotta realize

that we're gonna fix it up.

Oh, really? You're gonna pour

good money into bad.

Oh, no, dad.

You don't understand.

See, with a car this age

you don't have to worry

about depreciation.

That's true, I mean, uh

how can pounds

of rust go down in value?

(Susan)

'Look at it this way, dad.'

We're benefitting

the whole family.

Yeah, now that

the four of us have this

we won't keep hassling you

about using the station wagon

or the sedan.

Oh, you mean that my car

is actually gonna be my car?

Absolutely. We're all gonna have

our own transportation.

- Well, I think it's great.

- Oh, come on.

You don't think

that the four of you can share

something like this

without fighting, do you?

That's just the point, dad.

See, it's very simple.

We each put percent

of our money into this car

and that means

we'll get percent equal use.

That's right.

Yeah, dad, it's not like

we're fighting over seniority.

We bought this car equally

so, we are going to share

this car equally.

Oh, yeah, and if anybody

wants to rent the car

we just rent it to 'em

for a reasonable price

with a reasonable

built-in profit.

Oh, well

at least that takes care

of one of my worries

that socialism was creeping

into this family.

Well, then it's okay, dad.

We can keep the car?

Yes, it's okay,

on one condition..

...you get a bumper sticker put

on the back here that says

"Our father does not

approve of this."

Let's hear it for dad!

[blares horn]

[giggling]

Are you sure,

this is the right way to do it?

Hey, you wanna

get the car runnin', don't ya?

- Mm, sure.

- Alright.

You wanna go inside with me?

I'll buy you some coffee.

No, a girl could lose

her reputation

just by walking past

this place to a slum.

Alright, I'll meet you

near Trish

and let you know

how things went.

Okay, Tommy, but don't hang

around there too long.

This is the day

it usually gets raided.

[instrumental music]

- 'Hi, Webb.'

- Hey, Tommy.'

Aren't you a little off

your turf?

Just trying to locate something.

You name it, we got it.

Hall pass, tardy slip.

I'm looking for a radiator

for a ' Buick Roadmaster.

Fifty-fi-five?

- Don't make jokes.

- 'Hey, this is no joke.'

They tell me

you've got guys in here

that can get any auto part

ever made.

Within reason.

And reason ends

with a ' Chevy.

Okay, well, if you come

across one, let me know.

- See you around.

- Yeah, see you.

Hold up, Bradford.

[music continues]

Here's a couple

blank report cards.

That's ten bucks,

take five.

Hey, come on over here.

- So, uh, something wrong?

- Yeah, old buddy.

Can't help but notice

the trouble you've been having

in English Comp.

So? I'll pass.

Come on, Bradford.

I can read the writing

on the wall.

And from across the aisle

I can read the grades

in your papers.

You got three F's

in a row.

Yeah, well, so what?

That's my problem.

I'll make it.

Doesn't have to be your problem.

I can get your next theme

written for you

and guarantee an A.

I've got a feeling

there's a little more involved

than just friendship.

Well, of course,

but considering

that your whole future's

at stake

my fee is very reasonable.

How reasonable?

Fifty bucks for an A,

thirty-five for a B.

That's reasonable?

It'd cost you and your parents

a lot more in time

and embarrassment

if you have

to take the course over.

Yeah, well,

even with three F's

I've still got a D average.

I'll make it. No sweat.

This is high school, Bradford.

Teachers are getting tougher.

College is getting harder

to get into.

This is the best bucks,

you'll ever invest.

Ask any of my customers.

I'd give you a reference

but, my clients

like to remain anonymous.

Yeah, I'm sure they do.

[sighs]

Thanks, Webb.

But, uh, I'm hanging on

to my cash for a radiator.

Okay, it's your neck.

Just remember, I'll be here

when you need me.

Tommy

why didn't you tell me

that you failed English Comp?

Well, I'm not failing.

It's just,

I've got a D average.

Oh, come on now.

In this house a D average

is definitely flunking.

'Apparently, your teacher

feels the same way.'

Otherwise why would she

have called me?

Yeah, well,

she didn't have to do that.

(Tom)

'Well, how would I have

found out if she didn't?'

Tommy, you're doing F work.

Excuse me, D work in English

and you're doing A work

in not mentioning it.

I just figured,

I'd bring my average up.

How can you?

There's no time.

According to Ms. Denevey,

you have one more chance.

If you fail

your next composition

that's it, you will have blown

your entire grade point average.

Dad, I know all of that.

J-just don't get so bent.

Oh, come on, I'm bent?

Look, riding is my profession.

Ever since David was born

I've insisted that you kids use

the English language

with respect and correctly.

'And so far you have.'

I mean, months have gone by

in this house

without a single participle

being dangled.

'You speak correctly and vividly

and it's very nice.'

But obviously,

if you can talk that way

well, then you can

write that way.

- If you'd only try.

- Dad, I do try.

No, no. Not hard enough.

Dad, I work my brains out

over this.

I'm just not good at writing,

that's all.

I can't accept that.

Well, accept it or not,

it's the truth.

You guys expect me to be

some kind of a genius

like David or Mary.

Well, I'm not,

I never will be.

Wrong. I don't expect you

to be like David or Mary.

But I do expect you

to stop wasting time

with that scrap heap

that you bought out there.

Settle down and write a paper

that will keep you from failing.

Now, I expect, at least

a C average, son.

Or else?

Let's not talk about

the or else.

Otherwise, you're gonna

wind up as upset as I am.

Okay, Tommy, get to work.

'Immediately.'

Yes, sir.

I thought you promised not

to come down too heavy on him.

Oh, come on,

after years of doing this

I think I know the difference

between heavy and firm.

Oh, really?

I've seen happier faces

than Tommy's come out

of the principal's office

after being expelled.

Did you let him stay

in the family?

'No, I just told him

the truth, Abby.'

Look, Tommy happens to have

an exceptional background

in the subject

of English Composition.

I mean, it's obvious

he's capable

of doing much better work.

And what if he isn't?

Well, then I don't know

my son very well.

Or at least not well enough.

[instrumental music]

[typewriter clacking]

Nicholas!

Can't you stay out?

Can't you see

I'm trying to work?

How can I see you

trying to work

if I stay out?

- I can't do the impossible.

- Yeah, well neither can I.

So you can just take over

the whole dumb room.

I don't want the room,

just wanted my skateboard.

I've got a great idea.

Why don't we divide the day

into four equal parts?

That way we can each have

the car, once each day.

Oh, Nancy,

that'll never work.

That's much too confining.

I vote for each one of us

getting the car for a full day

every fourth day.

Mm-mm, we can't

because that will leave

two people

without the car each weekend

and that's when transportation

is crucial.

Hmm.

Well, why don't we do it my way

the first part of the week

and we can do it Susan's way

the second part.

'And Elizabeth's way

on Saturday and Sunday.'

That's a brilliant idea.

- Thank you.

- I think.

Better write it down

just to make sure.

Ta-da-da-ta-ta-ta.

- Charge.

- Hi, Jill.

You guys will

positively not believe

what has just happened to me.

My first play.

So what's so great about that?

You've been in dozens of plays.

But she said,

with charming modesty.

It's the first one...

I'm directing.

- You're directing?

- Yeah! Whoo! Yeah.

- That's perfect, Joannie.

- I know.

You've always liked

to tell people what to do.

No, thanks.

I guess,

that's no way to put it.

This is a great honor

for Joannie.

- And for all women.

- Right.

I mean, there aren't very many

women directors, right?

And I'm sure there are dozens

of male students

who would just die

to direct this college play.

Oh, actually, this isn't

it's not the college play

that I'm directing.

'Actually, it's a off-campus

production.'

Well, actually it's an

off-off-campus production.

Well, actually

it's the Goodwin J. Knight

Elementary School production

of "Snow White."

You just set women back

about years.

[indistinct]

"Snow White?" "Snow White."

[chuckles]

Let's get back to this,

you guys.

Okay, Monday,

I get the car because

'well, you know,

I got my license renewed.'

Hey! Hey, watch

what you're doing.

Oh, I'm sorry, David.

I didn't know

you were under there.

No, I should have been

under here

before you bought this monster

I would've told you

to forget it.

Why, what's wrong with it

besides the radiator?

So far everything

I've looked at.

Where'd you find

so much bad news

under what I'm sure

is a leaky roof.

Lou Lenchner's Top Value

Transportation Cars.

That's two mistakes,

right there.

Mr. Lenchner

is affectionately known

as Lemon Lou.

And, uh, transportation cars

never provide transportation.

Well, he guaranteed

all it needed

was a simple tune-up.

Yeah, what it needs

is a simple junking.

David, you've got a way

with cars.

You can fix it.

So far I can't even start it.

- Why not?

- I don't know.

I think there could be

a hundred reasons.

Yeah, I wanna get it out

of the line of traffic.

- Will you help me push?

- Sure.

I could also use some help

tearing the thing down.

I'm sorry, Dave,

but I can't.

Dad's putting the pressure on me

to raise my grade

in English Comp.

What, from B to an A?

No, from a D to a C.

Only to dad it's the difference

between failing and succeeding.

Yeah, that must be rough.

I always got the impression

that he thought that

high grades on English themes

were automatically included

in the Bradford family genes.

Yeah, well maybe I'm adopted.

I don't even know

where to start.

'Hey, why don't you

talk to Mary?

What good would that do?

'Well, she could tell you

what to look for'

and tell you how

she get's her ideas.

You know, she helped me

a lot once

just by suggesting a topic.

Well, I hate to bother her.

'Who's bothering?'

Best thing you can do to..

...compliment someone

is to ask 'em advice.

Hey, yeah, I guess you're right.

Thanks a lot, Dave.

Hey, the second biggest

is to help someone push cars.

Let's see, junior English,

second semester?

There's no problem, Tommy.

I would be glad

to help ya.

Alright, Mrs. Denevey's class,

second period.

Oh? Well, she's a little

since my time

but I think that

if I refresh my memory

on what I used to write about

maybe we'll come up

with something, huh?

Amidst all of this stuff

I promise you,

we will find something.

Yep, this what I always go for.

(Tommy)

'Ugh, how disgusting!'

How can you stand to sleep

in the same room

as your old home work.

Let's face it, I'm retentive.

Although, I prefer

to call it organized.

Uh..

...Tommy what are you

interested in these days?

Not writing theme papers

and getting dad of my back.

Okay, besides that?

Having a car.

Well, now see

there's a possible

possible theme.

But, uh

probably half the class

is gonna be writing

about something like that.

I think it pays to, uh,

come up with something original.

[knocking on door]

May I..

Oh, Mary, I'm sorry

to bother you but, um

I need your help

with the oven timer again.

[chuckles]

Well, sure.

Tommy, why don't you, uh,

look over these titles

and see if anything, uh,

strikes you, okay?

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

Oh, hey, Tommy. Did you find

a topic you liked?

Oh, yeah. Thanks, Mary,

you saved my life.

[dramatic music]

(Joannie)

'Nicholas!'

I'm out here,

in the back porch.

(Joannie)

'Oh?'

Hi, kid.

I've been looking all over

for you.

- What you doin'?

- Smelling the fresh air.

[sniffs]

Mm.

Yeah.

It's nice.

Hey, Nicholas, um

I kinda have

something important to ask.

Me too, how come

you never find out

you should cut your orange

with a knife?

Until it's too late.

Oh, here.

Let me help you with that.

Hey!

One thing about our family

we always

help each other, right?

Maybe I better peel that myself.

Oh, uh,

frankly, Nicholas

I'm kind of in a jam, you know?

Here it comes.

No, no, look, you don't have

to be that way about it.

I mean, you know, actually

the whole reason why I'm here

is that that my big problem

could be your greatest

opportunity.

Maybe I better

take my orange and run.

Nicholas. Aw, Nicholas,

come on.

Nicholas.

Nicholas, look.

Listen.

Have you ever dreamed

about being famous?

Nah, mostly I just dreamed about

animals and spelling tests.

(Joannie)

'Nicholas, listen to me.'

I could make you

the most talked-about boy

in Goodwin J. Knight

Elementary School.

I could bring you

endless adulation and applause.

I don't even think I'd like that

even if I know what it means.

[sighs]

Boy.

Okay, if you won't do it

for yourself

would you at least do it

for me, huh?

Do what?

Uh...take the part

of Prince Charming

in the, uh,

play I'm directing.

Prince Charming?

- No way.

- Oh, Nicholas! Nicholas!

Please, I'm desperate, huh?

I mean only two boys

even tried out, you know?

And one of them lisps

and the other one

just stands there and scratches.

Oh, yeah,

I bet that's Richie Tuttle.

He's the best itcher

in the whole third grade.

Oh, Nicholas,

help me please.

I can't do justice to this play

without a decent

Prince Charming.

And if it flops

I'll never get a chance

to direct again.

You gotta do it for me.

Oh, yeah, then what are you

gonna do for me?

- Anything.

- How about table clearing?

For a month, guaranteed.

- Shake on it.

- Shake on it, alright.

(Joannie)

'Ew.'

Nicholas!

[typewriter clacking]

[instrumental music]

David, take a look,

we've solved everything.

What now?

We have the point system.

Now, each partner starts off

the week with a points.

The one who bids the most points

for any given time period

gets the car. It's simple.

- 'Yeah.'

- 'What do you think?'

Well, even if I understood

what you're talking about

which I don't

I'd say you have the points

before the ignition.

'You're dividing a cake

that isn't even baked yet.'

Oh, don't be modest, David.

We know you have a way

with cars.

Yeah? So, buy a car

and I'll fix it.

To fix this b*mb, I'd have to be

a demolitions expert.

That bad?

Nicholas, you can't quit.

- Oh, yes I can.

- Aw, come on, Nick.

You made an agreement, remember?

Oh, yeah? Well, it doesn't count

because you tricked me.

I did not.

Oh, yeah, no wonder

only two guys tried out for it.

You know why? Because what

you want is disgusting.

What's disgusting?

Ask her. I don't even

want to talk about it.

Joannie, what is the problem?

Nicholas promised that he was

gonna do Prince Charming

in my play, you know?

And then he backs out

on his promise

just because he doesn't like

one little piece

of stage direction.

You call that little?

Oh, now, just exactly

what are we talking about here?

She wants me to kiss a girl.

Geez.

Oh, Jo.

No, no, Nicki!

Nicki! Prince Charming

has to kiss Snow White.

I mean the play

doesn't resolve without it.

Oh, yeah? It can revolve

without me because I quit.

What have you got

against girls, huh?

I mean, uh, I'm a girl.

That's why

I never kiss you.

(Elizabeth)

'But-but girls are fun to kiss.'

Well, they're soft

and they smell good.

You might even like it.

Never.

Now, Nicholas, there's something

you should know

about onstage kisses

they're not the same

as real-life kisses

because it's not really you

kissing the girl per-se

it's Prince Charming.

Right. Right, I mean,

listen to Abby, Nicholas.

You-you see, it doesn't

involve you personally.

Good, and I won't have

anything to do with it.

Nicholas, um, I think

you're putting Joanie

in an-in an awkward position.

I mean, let's suppose that

that you ask her to pitch

for your baseball team, okay?

'And on the day of the game,

she refuses to do it.'

'And you lose the game.

How do you feel?'

Come on, Nicholas, we know how

hard this is gonna be for you

but think about

poor Joannie, I mean

think how hard it's gonna

be on her if you don't do it.

- Come on, champ.

- Poor, Joannie.

Please, Nicholas, please, hm?

I'll be eternally

grateful to you.

Grateful enough to make

my bed for a whole month?

Gee.

Okay, if I have to.

And take out the garbage

when it's my turn.

Ooh.

- Alright.

- Okay, then I'll do it.

Oh, thank you.

Alright.

It can't be any worse

than that time

that bug flew in my mouth.

You're a true romantic,

Nicholas.

Okay, listen to me, um

I'll tell you how exactly

how I want that kiss performed

tomorrow afternoon

in the rehearsal, okay?

Oh, no way,

I've not practice kissing.

- What?

- I'm all trading for one kiss.

Nicholas. Nicholas!

Wait come on, come on.

We have to talk this out.

Nicki. Nicholas!

(Susan)

'Does anybody know

if David's made'

'any progress with the car yet?'

- 'Haven't you seen it?'

- 'No.'

(Elizabeth)

'Lucky, lucky you.'

(Tommy)

'It's enough to make you wanna

reinvent the horse.'

Well, I guess today is not

the day to start the schedule.

Good thinking, Nanc.

Well, partners, looks like

it's back

to equal sharing

of the sidewalk.

Oh, hey, Tommy,

could I see you for a moment?

Yeah, sure.

Have a nice day, girls.

I'll see you tonight.

Ahem.

- See you, dad. Bye.

- Bye, Tommy.

Tommy, you seem kind of moody.

Are you worried about the theme?

- No.

- How's it coming?

- I'm all done.

- Oh, good.

See I told you could do it.

- Yeah.

- I'd like to see it.

Sure, why not.

(Tom)

'Hm. This is very,

very good, Tommy.'

(Tommy)

'You really think so?'

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's crisp,

it's vivid.

And it has some, uh

very interesting ironies.

Yeah, you, you know me, I was

always kinda big on ironies.

'You think it'll get an A?'

Oh, yes, positive.

I thought so the first time

I read it.

What?

'I mean, if you're going to, uh'

're-copy Mary's old papers'

'you could at least

have the decency'

'to correct

her spelling errors.'

You see, Mary never did learn

that ridiculous

doesn't have an E.

'And ridiculous is the key word

in this whole situation.'

Alright, Tommy,

back to square one.

Let's do it again,

properly this time.

[instrumental music]

(Tom)

'What was it, Tommy?'

- 'Laziness or just stupidity?'

- 'I don't know.'

(Tom)

'Well, you better figure it out'

because that's stealing

and that's wrong.

And that means trouble

and you know that.

Yes.

Well, then why in heaven's name

did you do it?

Because you want that kind

of a paper and I can't write it.

Oh, really, well you're gonna

write one, alright.

I'll see to it,

that you'll write one.

Now, what time do you get home

from school today?

- :.

- I'll be here waiting for you.

Your first lesson is gonna be

that good writing

takes hard work.

(Tommy)

'I know it's hard. What I wanna

know is how to do it.'

Oh, you won't have

that excuse anymore.

Your tutor will see to that.

My tutor, you mean Abby?

No, I mean, me.

- But, dad--

- : sharp.

Right.

Tom, you can't mean that.

You can't tutor Tommy.

I know, I am very busy, but I'll

have to cancel something.

- Tommy needs me.

- Not as a tutor.

Tom, look that's my profession

and I would never tutor

a member of my own family.

It just doesn't work.

I mean, you never find doctors

and lawyers working

with their own children, right?

'So, please, le-lemme, just find

a professional English tutor'

they can really be objective

with Tommy, please.

As a newspaper man I think I

know a little about objectivity.

Not when it comes to Tommy.

You'll just be putting

more pressure on him.

The toughest editor I ever had

taught me the most.

Yes, but, he wasn't

your own father.

Now, listen, Elizabeth.

Do you know your part?

Yes, I know my part. I could do

it with my eyes closed.

In fact, I do. I'm Snow White,

I lie on the sofa.

I mean the coffin, and I wait

for Prince Charming to kiss me.

Good, good.

Okay, listen, Elizabeth, I

really appreciate this, really.

Because, you know, Nicholas

won't rehearse at school

and if he won't rehearse there

I've got to make him

practice somewhere.

Hey, no problem,

if Nicholas kisses me

it'll be a family first,

I'll make Bradford history.

Okay, good. Excuse me.

Don't worry, Elizabeth.

I'll make him.

- How?

- Ah..

I'll do what every good

director does

when he sees the show's dying.

And what's that?

Resort to v*olence.

Ooh.

"My favorite summer

vacation happened

"when I was years old

in Oregon."

What's wrong?

'Well, syntax, think about it.'

I mean, did your vacation

happen at Oregon

or were you years old

in Oregon?

Both.

'Well, then say it

just that way'

with a proper preposition

and in a proper sequence.

I was years old

when I took my favorite vacation

to Oregon.

Wait a minute.

Was that the time when Elizabeth

got the measles?

- Yeah.

- Oh, gosh.

- I hated that vacation.

- Yeah, me too.

You, you hated it,

then why did you write

that it was your favorite

vacation for?

Because you jump all over me

if I didn't write something.

I don know what else

to write about.

Oh, come on, Tommy,

there's a whole universe

out there to write about.

Well, that makes it harder.

Well, you've gotta just try.

You've gotta write something

otherwise I have nothing

to criticize.

Well, how can I write

if you're gonna criticize?

I'm trying to help you,

remember?

Help me do what,

prove to the whole universe

that Tom Bradford

has smart kids?

Here read my paper again.

He doesn't.

Come on, this is where

you say the cue.

Nicholas, this is just

to practice your stage moves.

You don't have to kiss Elizabeth

on the lips,

just on the forehead.

How about if I come that close?

If you kiss her once

on the forehead

you can come that close to her

lips when we rehearse again.

Yuck.

Come on, Nicholas,

you used to kiss me all the time

when you were a baby,

don't you remember?

You're just trying to make

that up so I'll feel worse.

Okay, come on everybody,

come on, we're wasting time.

I want, uh, Snow White

in her coffin

'and Prince Charming

out in the wings.'

Wings? What wings?

Off stage, Nicholson.

Alright, come on over here.

Okay, ready in the coffin.

Okay, go. Now, this is where you

enter from, alright?

Now, remember. You walk slowly

into the forest..

Hey, hey, listen. You walk

slowly and you stop.

And you see

the lifeless Snow White.

You wipe away your tears.

And then you walk slowly through

the circle of the sobbing dwarfs

and you go up to her and with

full of emotion bend over

and bestow your loving kiss.

Okay, got it? Ready?

Nope, but we might as well

get it over with.

Alright, here's your cue.

The last dwarf says

that's the-the chair

up there, he says

"That wicked witch

she has taken Snow White away

from us forever."

I mean, you go to school

to actually learn that junk.

Oh.

I really hate

to tell you this, Nicholas

but you did it all wrong.

What do you mean? I did exactly

what you said.

The what, maybe, yeah,

but not the how. You know..

Alright, alright, I'm sorry.

It's not your fault.

It's my fault. It's my fault.

I didn't explain

the scene properly.

I thought you explained it

quite well, Joanie.

Oh, yeah, yeah, the action

maybe, but not the motivation.

See...Nicholas.

You have to understand

that there's deep human emotions

that underlie

this last climactic moment.

You think that

Snow White is dead..

...and you're overwhelmed

with grief.

And then under the burden

of this total sadness

you come in to the glade.

And you move slowly through

the circle of-of her friends

that are crying,

and you move up to her..

...to say her last goodbye.

You see, you have no idea

that Snow White

is ever gonna come alive again.

You think that,

that your love for her

has reached it's tragic end.

Now, now put yourself into that.

- How do you feel?

- Great.

If my love was ending I wouldn't

have to do anymore kissing.

[Elizabeth laughing]

No.

[instrumental music]

Little hard to reach the

typewriter from there, isn't it?

I was trying to think of a word.

Oh, really.

Well, I'll tell you something.

I discovered that there's only

two ways to do that efficiently.

One is with the thesaurus

and the other

is in an upright position.

Now, um, here's a draft

of your first page.

And here's, uh,

my corrected version.

Is that the second page

in the typewriter?

Yeah.

Tommy, you're still making

the same mistakes over again.

I wish you'd look

a little closer

at what I did to the first page.

Oh, I see what you did.

You took your ideas

'and put it into your words.'

Now, I'm sorry, dad,

I don't understand.

Why is it wrong for me

to turn in Mary's work

and okay to turn in yours?

Tommy, the first page

is just an example

of how you should write

that material.

Well if I could learn

to write by reading

all these years of studying

your column

should have turned me

into Ernest Hemingway.

If you just let me

show you how to do it.

Dad, showing isn't teaching.

All's it proves is that you can

write and I can't.

It doesn't change a thing.

Because you don't wanna change.

How can I change?

No one teaches me.

I'm teaching you.

Dad, you're doing,

and somehow I'm supposed

to come up

with the exact same thing.

I wasn't aware that you're

such an expert

on the process of education.

Yeah, all's I know is we're both

wasting a lot of time.

Really,

is that the way you feel?

Alright, then,

I resign as your tutor.

Well, that's fine with me.

- But on one condition.

- What?

As long as you're such an expert

on how people learn things

go ahead and prove it.

'Write the theme

all by yourself.'

But be sure of one thing,

be sure you pass

otherwise you're in big trouble.

Say that again, David.

"The car has a cracked," what?

Block. It has a cracked block.

What does that mean?

All it means that if the rest

of the car were worth saving

'which it isn't,

we'd need a new engine.'

Oh! How much is that gonna cost?

Hmm, about six times the amount

you've already wasted.

What?

I think we need

some new investors.

Don't look at me.

Oh! Good. I'm glad I got all

of my partners in one place.

I wanna have

a board of trustees meeting.

Yeah, I think,

y'all better.

I've got a great proposition

for ya.

Due to an unexpected

cash flow problem

'I could be persuaded to sell'

my one fourth part

of the beautiful Buick.

for, say,

a ten percent discount.

No way, Tommy Bradford.

No way.

What do you think we are?

Yeah, this Elizabeth,

Nancy, and Susan.

Not Patsy, Patsy, and Patsy.

Hey, look, what did I say?

I think you and the Buick

have the same problem.

You could use

a new timing gear.

David, this is nothing

to fool around about.

I asked for my money back, okay?

You guys didn't wanna

give it back. That's okay too.

I don't need this family's help.

What's his problem?

Beat's me.

[instrumental music]

Hey, Bradford.

I've been expecting you.

I'll go for the A.

Cash, check or money order?

How about down now

and to follow?

Make it to follow.

Alright, but your guarantee

better be perfect.

Money in the bank, Bradford.

Money in the bank.

Uh-huh...yes.

That's right, Mr. Lenchner,

that's the car.

Yes, and we wanna exchange it

for any other car in your lot.

'Like you promised.'

We'll even put it back together.

Won't we, Susan?

Uh, let's not mention that.

(Nancy)

'But, that's not fair.'

How could we return the car

within the -hour

guarantee period?

It took us twice that long to

realize it had a cracked block.

Let's not mention that either.

Oh, yeah.

Well, you're a fine one

to talk about

sticking people,

Mr...Mr. Lemon Louie.

Now, what are we gonna do?

Punt.

You know, suppose we could

shine it up a bit.

Put an ad in the paper, huh?

- Nancy.

- Nancy.

[sighs]

Suppose not.

Okay, well, before we get

dad all upset with the news

give me a chance to ask him

one little question.

What's that?

If I can use

the station wagon tonight?

Ahh, that's what

I was gonna ask.

Uh, uh, I had dibs.

- 'Tommy!'

- Yes, sir.

Shouldn't you be doing

your composition?

It's due tomorrow.

Well...no, sir, I finished it.

I just finished typing.

- Really?

- Yes, sir.

Oh, well, that's great.

I'd like

to see it though, alright?

Sure, why not.

(Joannie)

'You know, I always find

that you never really'

get into the role until you get

into your costume.

How do you like it, Nicholas?

I thought only Indians

wear feathers.

No, no, no,

in those days, Nicholas

Princes wore feathers too, but

don't let it bother you, okay?

Don't worry, it doesn't, so far

since this prince business

the only thing I like

the best is the feather.

Hey, hey, look at this, Nicki,

huh? How do you like that?

- I gotta wear pantyhose?

- Honey, these are tights.

Renaissance tights, magic.

First I gotta a kiss a girl,

next I gotta wear pantyhose.

Boy, I'll never be able

to face my friends.

Oh, wait a second, Nicholas,

before you go

quitting on us again, you know.

I wanna show the best part

of this whole thing, okay?

You ready?

Ta-da. Prince Charming

wears a sword.

Aye! Alright.

On guard!

Hey, thanks for the sword,

Mary, it was a real inspiration.

Sure. Uh, Nicholas, would you be

careful, okay?

It's only made of plastic,

but don't go stabbing anybody.

Not even the witch?

Not even the witch.

Man, it sure would be a lot more

action if I just walked up

and stabbed her

instead of a dumb old kiss.

[laughing]

[instrumental music]

Oh, boy, congratulations, Tommy.

You did exactly

what I hoped you would do.

Do you mean, you like it?

(Tom)

'Yes, you finally

stopped hiding your talent'

underneath a bushel

of defensiveness.

You produced something

that we can both be proud of.

Well, then it's what you wanted.

It's exactly what I wanted.

It's clear, it's vivid,

it's clever.

It reads just the way

you talk.

Thanks.

'You know,

I never had any doubt'

'that you would come through.'

I knew that is all you had to do

is to apply yourself.

You see, Tommy..

...look, you're bright,

imaginative, sensitive.

You have every quality

of a good writer.

Only you have something

even more. You have character.

I mean, you pulled yourself

out of a tight mess

and you got the work finished

and, and I'm proud of you.

I know we've been through a lot

together with this paper

but it's all behind us,

so, let's just forget it, okay?

Yeah, okay.

I got a great idea.

This weekend, why don't we

celebrate. Just the two of us.

'I'll get tickets

for the Warrior game, okay?'

Yeah, sure.

And you turkeys think

you have problems.

Tommy, Tommy, I just heard

the good news.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

You father's very happy

with your composition.

Yeah, well,

some people get excited

over the weirdest things.

I know what you've been

going through.

You do?

I think so.

Fathers and sons always,

uh, seem to have

a difficult time

with expectations.

Yeah, well,

dad expects too much.

- I agree.

- You do?

Yeah, but, uh...he wouldn't be

your father if he didn't.

See, I don't know

if it's expects too much

or if it's just that down deep

he really wants too much.

'I think he just wants

the very best'

'for the people

he loves the most.'

The best grades

and the best jobs.

The best life.

Then why does he make it

so difficult?

I don't know.

Sometimes..

...sometimes we think

that we just have one way

of making other people happy.

'And we don't realize that-that

our way doesn't necessarily'

'help them at all.'

Oh, Tommy, I-I wish you could

just realize one thing.

'Whatever your father's done,

he's done because..'

'...because he loves you

very, very much.'

Love just sometimes has a funny

way of showing itself.

[instrumental music]

[alarm blaring]

- What's wrong?

- Nothing.

What are you

doing up so early?

I wanted to see the sunrise.

Oh, excuse me.

I know, but that's

the terrible part of it.

Snow White is not supposed

to be a suspenseful play.

Will Nicholas kiss her?

Won't Nicholas kiss her?

I mean, I might as well be

directing a Hitchcock movie.

Now, I don't follow you.

Didn't Nicholas have to kiss

Snow White

during the rehearsals?

Are you kidding?

Well, he came close

to my left temple once

but that was my birthday.

Joanie, I'd just wish that

you'd stop worrying about it.

I mean, the play

will go fine.

Nicholas is a man

of his word.

- Yeah.

- Oh, he better be.

My whole advanced drama class

is gonna be there

for opening night.

I mean, if Nicholas doesn't

come through for me

I'm gonna be

a laughing stock.

- All this over one kiss?

- Yeah.

You know, you'd think I'd

ask them to do a nude scene.

Good morning, Tommy.

'Hey, are you alright?

You look kinda pale.'

Yeah, I'm fine.

(Tom)

'Tommy, I hope

you're not worried'

'about that theme you wrote.'

It's very good.

It's a winner, Tommy,

a real winner.

You're right.

(Joannie)

'No, I really don't think so,

Mrs. Buckley.'

None of the other dwarfs

are wearing sequins.

Well, yes, I know that you want

Frederic to stand out

but I just would

really prefer it

if he'd wear the costume

we assigned, okay?

Yes, thank you, Mrs. Buckley.

Oh, and-and, Mrs. Buckley,

please have Fredric there

at least an hour

before the curtain.

For sure. Yes. Okay,

thank you, Mrs. Buckley.

Huh! Oh, boy.

Do directors

get stage fright?

Okay, what time is it?

Huh! I'll never have time

to make the witches warts.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Hey, Tommy.

So, long day?

- Yeah. A long day.

- How'd it go?

Well, I waited after

school for Mrs. Denevey

to grade my theme paper.

And?

She said she liked

what it said

but she didn't like

the way I said it.

What'd you say?

Here, why don't

you read it?

I saw enough of the dumb thing

staying up all night writing it.

(Abby)

'"For all intensive purposes.."'

Intensive purposes?

Intensive purposes.

Ms. Denevey didn't

like it either.

She has it, uh, circled in red

and she took off three points.

Now, I-I don't understand.

I mean, that wasn't in

the theme that I read yesterday.

Well, just listen

and I think you'll understand.

"For all intensive purposes,

a person can be

"what others think he should be

"or he can be what he really is.

'"If people expect

too much from a person'

'"that person may twist

himself all up'

'"trying to pretend he is'

'"what he really isn't.'

"All he can think about

is pleasing the other person.

[instrumental music]

'"We would not want the other

person to become unhappy'

'"because he is not what

we expect he should be.'

"By the sane token.

Sane token?

"By the sane token

"we should not expect ourselves

'"to become unhappy

by being what we can't.'

"This is true of lots of people

"including fathers.

'"Despite of this,

I'm proud of mine'

'"because, even when

he is not what I expect..

'...he does not try

to be what he isn't."'

I see.

"And from now on,

I will too."

[music continues]

What was the final mark?

It's a B in content, a D

in grammar for a C average.

C average, huh?

Don't look so gloomy.

At least he passed the course.

Tom, you're not going to..

I most certainly am.

[music continues]

'Tommy?'

Tommy?

Yes, sir?

Would you come

down here please?

Tommy.

Look at me.

I read your composition.

Wasn't very good, was it?

Well, maybe you won't

get a Pulitzer Prize..

...but...you managed

to communicate

'something to somebody who..'

'...who needed it.'

Me.

You?

Yeah.

And since communication is the..

...ultimate purpose

of good writing..

...the composition

was a success.

Really?

By the sane token, don't

let it go to your head now.

Yeah, don't worry, it won't.

If your calendar's free

on Saturday night

I got tickets

to that Warrior game.

Sure. Just you and me?

Just you and I.

I.

Alas, alas,

our princess is dead.

'Who's white as the snow

and pale as the moon.'

What shall we do without her?

What shall we do?

Poor sweet princess.

'Gone forever.

Come back to me, princess.'

'Rise and shed sunshine

on our lives again.'

That terrible witch!

She has..

She has..

Taken.. Taken Snow White

away from us forever.

Oh yeah. That's it!

Taken Snow White

away from us.

Forever!

Forever!

[applause]

Nicholas.

Okay.

It's now.

You can do it.

[audience giggling]

[instrumental music]

Please, Nicholas. Please.

Oh.

Yuck!

[applause]

Curtains! Curtains!

Okay, turn your way

to that little way there.

Go, go over that way

a little bit.

What are you,

pulling up?

(Susan)

'Alright , go over

that way a little bit.'

- Wait, wait!

- Wait, wait! Stop!

[brakes screech]

Sorry.

Yeah, you should be.

You're interrupting the funeral.

Oh. Well, rest in peace.

Oh, cheer up, dad.

We got it all together.

- Oh, really?

- Yeah. David's a real genius.

(Tom)

'He can actually fix that?'

No, but we found out

from the wrecking company

we can get $ if we tow it

with the van.

Which is better then us paying

them $ to haul it away.

I would say so.

Actually, we think

it's a major breakthrough.

And if you wait one minute,

I'll show you what I mean.

See, dad? If you apply this

chart to the station wagon

you will see that we have

equal rights for transportation.

The station wagon?

Come on, Abby.

Come on, dad. Take a look at it.

Just take a look at the chart.

[indistinct chatter]

[instrumental music]

[theme music]