Mary?
Yeah, Nicholas.
I keep hearing about,
this thing called talent.
You know where I can get any?
Hmm. Well, it's not something
that you get, Nicholas.
It's, it's a gift
that you already have.
You know like
Joannie and her acting
or, or dad and his writing.
Well, how do I know
if I got the gift?
Hmm, well, can you
sing or dance?
No, and even if I could,
I wouldn't.
Well, comedy, you're good
at comedy? Can you tell jokes?
Hmm, I heard this
great joke today.
Well, sh**t.
Okay, this guy walks
into a restaurant and says
"Do you have frog legs?"
So the waitress says,
"Yes, sir."
So he says,
"Well, hop into the kitchen
and get me a cup of coffee."
[chuckling]
That was pretty good, actually.
- Mary?
- Yes?
How can a waitress
have frog legs?
I'll see you later, okay?
[theme music]
[music continues]
[instrumental music]
Dad? Dad? Oh!
Gee, what's wrong?
I have this peculiar feeling
that I'm at the circus.
Oh, ha-ha, the clown suit.
Oh, that's what it is. I see.
I thought that maybe it was
the latest thing
in casual sports wear.
You know, some morning,
I'm gonna wake up in this house
and find everything normal.
- It'll never happen.
- What are you doing?
Going to a costume party?
No, I'm still entertaining
the kids at the children's home.
Oh, I thought you had finished
with that class assignment.
Yeah, yeah, I'm finished
with the assignment, but
the kids really love the clown
bit and I guess I do, too.
Besides, Father Tranelli
is a hard man to refuse.
Hmm, maybe he'll
teach me the secret.
Hey, you could ask him this
very afternoon, you know.
Susan needs a car and I don't
have anybody to pick me up.
- Hint, hint.
- Oh, sure.
I'll be down on Charles street,
say around O'clock.
Listen, aren't you
forgetting something?
What? My pants, my shoes,
my suspenders, my..
My nose, I forgot my nose.
She forgot her nose?
- Dad, dad.
- What? What?
You should have seen it,
you should have seen it.
Nicholas, please calm down.
What's the matter,
where were you?
Kelly P. Landers says,
I'm lucky, I'm not a goner.
What are you talking about?
The spaceships
and all the flying saucers.
We're being invaded. Honest.
I had a close encounter.
I knew I never should have
let you go to see that movie.
Dad, they blindfolded me
and took me aboard.
Nicholas, believe me, there are
no spaceships in Sacramento
and there's certainly none
in Kenny P. Landers' house.
In his backyard.
(Tom)
'No, no, no, you're
imagining the whole thing.'
- Am not.
- Alright.
You're right, that's right.
You had a close encounter,
and I'm very happy for you.
Guess what, I'm going
to go in the study
and I'm going to have
a close encounter
with my typewriter.
[instrumental music]
(Joannie)
'Did anybody see Ralphy?'
- Did anybody see--
- There, there he is.
- Who? You mean him?
- Right there.
That's Ralphy.
Hi, Ralphy.
Gee, Ralphy.
What neat sunglasses
you have on.
Look, you guys,
look at Ralphy's sunglasses.
Could I, uh, put 'em on,
Ralphy, please?
Oh, Ralphy.
Thank you, Ralphy.
'You guys, you guys.'
Da-da-da-da.
[indistinct humming]
'Hey, what happened?
Somebody turned of the lights.'
[laughing]
(all)
Take off your glasses.
Huh? Oh!
Oh, okay, I'll try.
[instrumental music]
'Oh, oh, it's still dark.'
[all screaming]
- Open your eyes.
- Open your eyes.
- What?
- Your eyes.
Oh, my eyes.
Okay, one
two, three.
Oh, it worked!
[all laughing]
'And there's Ralphy, too.'
Hi, Ralphy.
Hi.
And it had
big flashing lights
and [indistinct]
control board and everything.
Yeah and little men
with antennas.
No.
Oh, I thought all Martians
had antennas.
Boy, you guys
don't believe me either.
Sure, we do, Nicholas
but your experience was
a psychic phenomenon.
A what?
Oh, you know,
ESP and that kinda stuff.
It wasn't any EST,
it was a flying saucer.
[grunting]
Nicholas Bradford
And The Flying Saucers..
Rated PG.
Boy! Nobody in
this house believes me.
That was definitely a close
encounter of a third grader.
Joannie, you were wonderful,
as always.
Oh, thank you, Father Tranelli.
- I love it.
- Oh, it shows.
Not everyone's capable of
getting Ralphy out of his shell.
Well, he lost his folks
just recently.
- He's having trouble adjusting.
- Hmm.
Oh, by the way, we all hope
to see you on the th.
Why? What's the th?
The first annual Charles Street
Children's home benefit show.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Well, lately our physical
fitness program has been
limited to a few yo-yo's and
one basketball with a slow leak.
[chuckles]
Oh, uh, Joannie, um..
I'm afraid I have
a confession to make.
- Ha-ha, you?
- Ho-ho, I am in big trouble.
I, I don't know the first thing
about show business.
I've-I've got to find somebody
to direct the benefit
and help me round up the talent.
- Are you suggesting--
- To God's..
Joannie, that's the only way
to describe you.
I can't thank you enough.
Oh, wait a minute,
how come I get the feeling
I've just been hustled
into a big job.
Well, well, because you have.
You have anybody here?
Well, we got one big name.
- Joel.
- Joel and the comedian?
Oh, yeah, yeah, he's
a local boy who made it big
uh, but I know
a friend of his aunt
but, uh, you know we gotta find
some people to appear
with him on the, on the bill
which I believe you people call.
Yeah. Wow.
Well, I can try.
I could not ask
for anymore though.
Now, you must know some people
in town with talent.
[sighs]
Yeah, yeah, maybe.
(Tom)
'Joannie?'
Oh, dad, Hi.
Oh, um, Father Tranelli,
um, this is Father Tranelli.
Father Tranelli,
this is Father Bradford.
- How're you doin'?
- Oh, extremely well.
Thanks to your daughter.
- We are lucky to have her.
- I know, so are we.
[chuckles]
Hi, Nicholas, hey, you're
wearing out the stairs
is something wrong?
Yeah, nobody believed
my flying saucer story.
I'm running away from home.
Oh, oh, well that's a good idea.
I mean, but listen
it's nearly O'clock.
Why don't you wait
till the morning.
Get a nice early start,
have a big breakfast.
Dad, you shouldn't
put him on like that
he might really do it.
Oh, of course he will,
all kids do.
He'll pack his little valise,
get to the corner
start getting hungry
and be home in time for dinner.
Yeah, are you sure?
I've been in the business
a long time.
Hey, how far did I get?
You? You got to the front
doorstep, it was raining.
[chuckling]
[instrumental music]
Hi, Nicholas.
I'm running away from home
and don't try and stop me.
That's what I hear.
I'm sick and tired of being
treated like an eight year old.
But you are an eight year old.
So, it's no reason
to be treated like one.
You still mad because no one
believed your UFO story, huh?
How long are you gonna be gone?
Uh, years.
Well, in that case, you ought to
pack some more underwear, huh?
- Nicholas.
- What?
I'm gonna miss you.
I'll drop you a card.
So, I agreed that I would help
him round up some local talent.
Like who?
Um, you know, just plain folks
college kids, music students
and well, you'd be surprised,
you might have
undiscovered talent that's
right here in this city
I mean, right here
in Sacramento.
I'm running away now.
Oh, so long, k*ller.
I'll take good care of the room.
(Mary)
'Are you sure you have
enough money on you, Nicholas?'
Couple of quarters.
Well, maybe you ought
to stop at the bank
and pick up some
travelers checks.
[chuckling]
I'm glad you think this
is funny, I'm really going.
No, we know you are Nicholas,
we heard you the first time.
Um, let me give you some advice
before you enter
the cruel world.
Don't cross against the green.
(all)
'Buh-bye.'
He'll be back by dinner.
Oh, probably before dinner.
See, "Wonder Frog"
is on at :.
Okay, you guys,
I need your help.
Well, then how do we help?
Well, we need some local talent
to go on the bill
with Joe Allen.
Joannie, we're not
talent scouts, you know.
Yeah, but you are talented.
'Wait a second Joannie,
just hold on.'
(Joannie)
'Oh, come on,
I bet you can do it.'
- 'Do what?'
- Perform in the talent show.
- Us?
- 'Sure, why not?'
Joannie, we don't
have any talent.
Oh, come on.
What do you mean?
All of Tom's children
got talent. Ha-ha.
Include me out.
- Not me, either.
- I could go home..
- Forget about it.
- Good luck.
I don't do benefits.
- Dad?
- No, no, no.
This is one time
you're gonna have
to work it out
for yourself, Joannie.
Ah. Thanks.
Thanks a lot.
[humming]
[knock on door]
Well, hello to you, too.
Mind if I sit?
I ran away from home
and I'm not going back.
Good.
Well, I burnt all my bridges
in front of me.
- Bridges behind me.
- Well, those too.
Well, what happened?
Well, everybody was
making me mad, you know.
So I ran away from home
before I can say something
that I'd be sorry for.
Well, you wanna hang out
here for a little while?
I was hoping you'd say that.
Wow, no girls.
And I'd like
to stay here forever.
Ah, let's just see how
the weekend goes first, okay?
Alright.
How about a nice
stiff soda pop?
Alright, David, thank you,
I-I'll see you tomorrow.
Well, that's where he went.
He went over to David's.
Must have been
very upset to do that.
He was, he was.
Are you gonna go pick him up?
No, gonna let him stay there.
I think right now, he needs some
attention from his big brother.
Joannie, I am busy.
Come on, you can make the time.
I've got studying to do.
Mary, you always
have studying to do.
This is a good cause.
(Mary)
'Yeah, well, so is
passing organic chemistry.'
- She's persistent, isn't she?
- Very.
Can't you take no for an answer?
- No.
- Why me?
Because, Mary, I need your
organizational skills, you know
I need someone with some,
some authority.
I would suggest you
the chief of police.
Oh, come on, Mary, listen.
I'm holding auditions tomorrow.
You know if I could
tell people that
you and David agreed
to participate
they wouldn't be
so upset, you know.
They wouldn't think that
they're the only ones--
Wait, didn't you just say David?
Yeah, you know he
sung and played the guitar
before in coffee houses,
you know he's real good.
You mean, he agreed to do this.
Well, yeah, no, but he will
as soon as I talk to him.
David won't let me down.
Alright, boss, exactly
what does a producer do?
Okay, Mary, put one
back there in case there's..
Right, boss.
Okay, I think
we're almost ready.
Who's up first?
Uh, let's see.
- Peter Bales, he sings.
- Okay.
Um, Mr. Bales, please.
Key, F, G, kid.
[instrumental music]
[piano music]
And now the end is near
And so I face
The final curtains
My friend I'll say it clear
I'll state my case
Of which I'm certain
I've lived a life
that's full
I've travelled
each and every highway
And more much more than this
I did it my way
I'll see you and raise you
one million dollars.
How many matches is that?
Four, quarter of a million each.
Okay, weed 'em and reap.
A pair of Ace.
Oh, that beats me,
I've only got three threes.
And sixteen beats nine.
Oh, don't worry, David,
I'll give you
your matches back
when we're done.
Thank you, Nicholas.
The record shows
I took the blows
And did it my way
Ah, thank you Mr. Bales, um,
we'll get back to you.
Yeah, sure thing. Thank you.
Uh, I have another one.
'Uh, key C and a little more
tumble this time, kid.'
C, C, C, C.
[piano music]
Feeling
Nothing more than feeling
[screaming on TV]
How do you do? How do you do?
Happy Belzer's the name.
And I'm here to make you happy.
Ha-ha.
'If you've got the time,
I got the jokes.'
Um, Mr. Belzer.
Could you, um, tell us
a few of your jokes?
Oh, sure thing. You don't worry.
You know I write
all my own material.
Oh, yeah, those writers
were a bunch of Gannofs.
That's French for thieves.
Ha-ha-ha.
'It's a little play on words.'
[laughs]
Alright, here's one that'll
really knock you out.
A guy walks into a restaurant
and says to the waitress
"Honey, do you have frogs legs?"
'"Certainly" she says.'
"Okay" he says.
"Hop into the kitchen
and get me a cup of coffee."
[laughs]
[indistinct chatter]
I didn't like it
the first time I heard it.
- You wanna see a movie, huh?
- Yup.
Well, uh, hey has dad taken you
to see the UFO movie yet?
Yeah, hey, David, you really
think there are flying saucers?
I don't know.
Nobody knows for sure why.
Well, David, nah,
you wouldn't believe me.
Try me.
Okay see, the other day..
[knock on door]
You're not ready?
Oh, Connie, uh, yeah,
today, uh, oh, no.
Well, uh, you know
my brother Nicholas, right?
I thought no girls were allowed.
What is this,
a cub scout meeting?
Hey, Nicholas, Nicholas,
tell you what.
How would you like
to make a quarter
for every time you can
go around the block.
- Real money?
- Yeah, US currency.
Oh, boy.
Sure I'm glad
I brought my skate board.
Ah, skateboard? This is
going to cost me a fortune.
Good.
I have never seen
a bigger collections
of space cadets in my life.
What's funny?
I mean we have
several shower cross here.
Six year old Shirley temple act
and a stand up comic
you would pay
not to have to listen to.
Really, I mean, Nicholas
tells better jokes than..
(both)
'Happy Belzer.'
- Happy Belzer?
- Well, he's a riot.
Boy, Joe Allen better be good.
He's the show.
He and David.
David's gonna sing?
Yeah, that reminds me,
I better call him.
Oh, Joannie, Joannie, wait.
See your dad's gone over to,
uh, pick up Nicholas
and they're gonna have
a man to man talk.
'And if you call right now'
'I think Nicholas might
suspect a female conspiracy.'
Oh, so Nicholas has had it
with running away from home.
Well, I don't know
if Nicholas has had it
but I bet you David has.
[knock on door]
Come in.
- Hi, David.
- 'Hi, dad.'
Where's my number three son?
Oh, he'll be back in a second.
Do you have any quarters on you?
Oh, yeah, sure.
What, uh,
you taking out your laundry?
- No.
- Lotta laundry, huh?
More like been
taken to the cleaners.
Oh.
Well, I won't ask about that.
Listen,
have you talked to Joannie?
Uh, what's up?
Well, you know,
she's involved with this
children's home
on Charles Street.
Ah, you can always
count on Joannie.
Yeah, well, she has
this comedian, Joey Allan
and he's doing the show for
her, now she needs an amateur
talent to work with him
and I think she's counting
on you to do the singing.
- When is it?
- 'The th.'
Oh, no. I'm sorry, that
weekend's not good for me.
'I'm going skiing.'
Well, do you think maybe
you could switch it around
'because I know Joannie's
gonna be very disappointed.'
No, I'm sorry,
I've already sent in the deposit
for the reservations
at the lodge.
Hey, what are you doin' here?
What am I doing here?
Don't you remember me?
I'm "Daddy Bradford."
What are you doing here?
Come on, it's time to go home.
I'm stayin' here
for the whole weekend.
Oh, there's only
a couple of hours to go.
And that would count as
a whole weekend, right, David?
Right, it'll go down on
the books as a whole weekend.
Alright.
What now?
You know,
the quarter that you owe me
for the last trip
around the block.
Don't ask.
Here, dad.
Let's go.
Nicholas, now you be sure
and drop in anytime.
- It has been a real pleasure.
- Thanks, David.
[instrumental music]
[indistinct chatter]
- Boy, some brother.
- What's wrong?
David won't sing in the show.
He's going skiing.
Hope he breaks some other
things. Two legs.
Joannie, you had no right
to assume that David would be
free on th.
I know. You think he could give
up one crummy skiing weekend.
No?
(Mary)
'Joannie, that leaves us with
one halfway decent act--'
(Joannie)
'I know.'
Oh, can you imagine minutes
of "Happy Belzer".
Who's he?
He's the guy who tells
frog legs jokes
worst than you do, Nicholas.
Huh?
Mary, be careful.
Nicholas is very sensitive.
He may run away from home again.
(Mary)
'I'm sorry, Nicholas.'
Hmm?
[telephone rings]
I'll get it.
[ringing continues]
Hello.
Yeah.
Just a minute please.
Mr. Joey Allan,
for Miss Joanne Bradford.
Hello.
'Ah, Joannie, yes.
This is she.'
Oh, I see.
Yes.
Sure.
No, thank you for calling.
Yeah.
Bye.
[sighs]
Well, he has some good news
and some bad news.
The good news?
He wishes his, his all the luck
in the world for the show.
(Mary)
'But bad news?'
He's being booked
in Las Vegas for three weeks
beginning the th.
[instrumental music]
Just makes me so mad.
When they found out
Joey Allan wasn't appearing
they all dropped out,
every one of 'em.
Even "Happy Belzer."
Well, that's show business
as they say.
[chuckles]
I didn't do much of a job
as an impresario, did I?
Joannie, now don't be
so hard on yourself.
You did everything
humanly possible.
Yeah, maybe.
Maybe.
[instrumental music]
Except one thing.
I've never thrown myself at
the mercy of this family before.
But, I'm doing it now.
Everybody has dropped out
of the show, I mean, everybody.
And there isn't gonna be
a benefit for the home
unless I can get someone,
anyone to perform.
'Now, before you all
start crying about your'
'lack of talent and about
making fools of yourselves..'
...you should just think
about what's at stake.
I mean, think about those kids
and what the show means to 'em.
Well, my jokes aren't that bad.
Maybe, Nicholas and I
can work up some routine.
I can sing a little bit.
Elizabeth, you can tap dance.
I don't know, Abby.
Well, if Elizabeth can tap dance
then I get to do my magic act.
You mean your
"Tommy Terrifico?"
'That's a joke.'
Hold it, hold it. Don't you see?
It doesn't matter.
I mean,
so what if we're not all perfect
it's just that
we're all in it together.
Huh?
Oh, come on you guys.
I mean, this family
has done a lot of crazy things
what's one more?
What do you say?
- Okay.
- Alright.
Wait, I'm watching this, right
now, I'm gonna be routine--
I don't know.
Don't you just..
You don't know?
[indistinct chatter]
(Joannie)
'It's great,
they came through you know.'
'They knew I was in a jam,
so they all agreed to do it.'
'All of them, the whole family.'
'All we need now is you.'
Oh, come on, David. You can
postpone your ski trip, huh?
Yes, I can, but I won't.
Look, I'm really sorry, Joannie
but I'm looking forward
to this weekend.
Well, you know,
it's nice that some of us
had parents
to teach us how to ski.
Oh, boy. If you're tryin' to
make me feel guilty, forget it.
Oh, come on here,
I'm just trying to tell you
that you can go skiing anytime.
I mean, how often do you get
a chance to help the others out?
In our family that's all
I do, is help others out.
David, help me do this.
David, help me do that.
Oh! Excuse me,
for imposing on your time.
That's right, my time.
That's the way
it's supposed to be.
That's why I moved out
of the house, to gain
a little independence.
Not to be the first one involved
in every family crisis.
As I recall,
you are a part of that family.
Yeah, but it's
a little more than that.
I happen to be the one
that everyone leans on.
I'm the oldest.
'I've the apartment that
everyone runs away to.'
'I have the van
that gets borrowed.'
I'm always the first one
hit for money.
Well, forget it this time.
This time, David is gonna
do what David wants to do.
[sighs]
I feel sorry for you.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
You don't hear
what you sound like.
Give my regards to Connie.
[door shuts]
Well, now, what's
the name of the guy on first?
You're supposed to say,
"Who, who's on first?"
Now, what's the name
of the guy on first?
"Who," can't you remember that?
'"Who's on first?"'
I don't know.
Oh, come on. Why are you having
so much trouble with this?
"Who's on first?"
I don't know.
(Tom)
'Wow. This is ridiculous.'
You're just,
you're just angry at me because
I didn't believe your UFO story.
It's not a story.
Oh, who needs this?
Did Martin need Lewis?
'Did Arrow need Rossi?'
Did Abbott need Costello?
Yeah, actually, maybe he did.
Ah, dad,
you're trying to make a point?
No, no. I don't care.
I mean, listen, if Nicholas
doesn't want to do this
'he doesn't have to do it.'
'I'll do it alone.'
"Who's on first?"
What! No, What's on second.
I don't know.
I don't know! He's on..
What? Who? Hi, hi. Who? He..
Hey, little buddy..
You know all those little kids
are just about your age.
Gonna let' em down?
I don't know
how to say this but..
What?
Well, I'm afraid to do the act.
It's too hard for me
I can't remember it.
Hmm..
Well, what if I made it
easier for you?
Think you can do that?
A-e-e, remember me?
I'm a big time theatre major.
Thanks, Joannie.
But don't tell, dad.
I think it's best
he thinks I'm mad at him.
- Hey, Joannie.
- Yeah.
Listen.
Excuse me, Nicholas.
A tap dancer needs
background music.
Uh-huh, so?
Well, David can't do it and
Tommy, Tommy is all wrapped up
in his magic act, so..
Oh, yeah.
Well, what about you could..
You know..
I know somebody in this family
that could accompany you.
[tuba music]
'Come on, Susan.
If you played it any slower'
'I could do this off-shoe.'
(Susan)
'Hey, you're dealing
with a musical talent here'
'an artist,
you don't like the tuba?'
'You can dance
Acapulco, you dig?'
[tuba music]
I have in my hand three rings.
They appear connected.
However, voila!
They still appear connected.
Voilà !
Gosh, that's funny.
It worked in the book.
[instrumental music]
I'll take more of it.
I'm doin' it.
[giggles]
I'm doin' it.
[crashing]
Now, you look, you said
I was gonna go on first.
No way, Tommy.
She promised by top billing.
My act won't work
after a tuba solo.
- Your act won't work, period.
- Would you just keep quiet?
You just shut up
and stay out of it.
[clamoring]
Well, you know what they say.
Smooth dress rehearsal,
bad show.
It is a bit rough
around the edges.
Oh, you don't worry about that.
We'll get it together somehow.
Hold it!
Hold it!
Or what?
I-I would hate for the home
to make a spectacle of itself.
Oh, no, no, father.
Believe me.
These kinda things happen
all the time in show business.
I mean, when creative
egos get together, well
chaos just turns into magic.
I mean, you would be surprised
at the miracles that occur
once that curtain rises.
- Really?
- Um-hmm.
Now, isn't that my line of work?
Ha-ha, only on Sundays.
Excuse me, father,
somebody is lost
and I think we better
call the ski patrol.
Father Tranelli,
I'm David Bradford.
My former brother.
David, wonderful. That your
Goliath is in the wings.
Did you bring your music?
No, but I brought this,
for the kids.
- A check?
- 'Yeah.'
- That's very generous.
- I wanted to contribute.
Why not. Some disasters
are tax deductible.
Thank you, David.
Every little bit helps.
Yeah.
Bits,
I'm not worried about, David.
We need a star.
Enjoy your weekend.
(Nicholas)
'Then we have
a lot of turkey and stuffing.'
(male #)
'How about Christmas?'
(Nicholas)
'We all wake up in the morning'
'and drink a lot of orange
juice, my dad likes to do that.'
'Then we hand out the presents.'
Yeah?
My daddy used to do that, too.
I don't know where he is, but
sure he should come home soon.
I don't like it here very much.
- How long you've been here?
- A month.
But mommy and daddy
will come back soon.
Yep. That's what I thought
about my mom, but she never did.
Were you sad?
Yeah, but I still
have my new mom and my dad
and all my brothers
and sisters.
Gee, I wish I had a brother.
Boy, Tommy and David
are the greatest brothers
'that a guy could ever have.'
- 'Wow.'
- 'Uh-huh.'
'David's really great.
He let me spend the night'
'at his apartment
when I ran away from home.'
- 'Really?'
- 'Uh-huh.'
Tommy is here now but David had
to go on an important trip.
So you can meet him
when he gets back, okay?
[indistinct chatter]
Geez, Joannie you're on.
It's too bad
not too many people showed up.
Oh, yeah.
Well, we gave it
our best shot, didn't we?
Yeah.
The show's gotta go on, right?
- Yeah, right.
- Better get ready.
- Yeah.
- See you.
- Hi, David.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Uh, will this do?
Hey, look, I'm here, aren't I?
You're here.
Uh, David, have you decided
what we're gonna sing in?
Um-hmm.
Well, what's it,
what's it's called?
I don't know,
I just wrote it last night.
- You wrote a special song?
- That's right.
I'll see you later.
Joannie, what're you
bein' so nasty for him?
He's in the show, isn't he?
Umm, I'll get him lined up
for the event, okay?
'Let's go.'
[indistinct chatter]
(Joannie)
'Nicholas, are you sure
this opening will work?'
(Nicholas)
'Why not, it works
every Saturday morning.'
'Okay, everybody, bring it on.'
[instrumental music]
[audience applauding]
[music continues]
Overture curtains and lights
This is it
The night of nights
No more rehearsing
and nursing apart
We know every part by heart
Overture curtains and lights
This is it
We'll hit the heights
And oh what heights
we'll hit
On with the show this is it
Overture curtains and lights
This is it
The night of nights
No more rehearsing
and nursing apart
We know every part by heart
Overture curtains and lights
This is it
We'll hit the heights
And oh what heights
we'll hit
On with the show
This is it
[audience applauding]
[music continues]
And now, ladies and gentleman
for my first trick.
I would like to introduce
to you my lovely assistant.
[applauding]
Yes, isn't she talented?
And now, I will ask my assistant
to step inside the box.
[music continues]
And with a few spins..
And, the wave of my magic wand
with a few magic words.
Abracadabra,
and you will see that..
...she has disappeared.
[applauding]
Oh! She did disappear.
I did it!
Did you people see that?
[music continues]
[tuba music]
[applause]
[instrumental music]
Sola sola sola-a-a-a-a-a
Baby don't you cry
Sola sola so-o-o-o-la
Life is a sad old
Silly old lullaby
Sola sola
So-o-o-la
Presently you know
There is nothing
I can tell you
Except that it is
And that it isn't
So-o-o-o-o-o
Sola sola
Sola-a-a-a
Fly my graceful lady fly
Live love laugh and die
It's so old a song
It's sometimes wrong
And not so long
From here
Do Re Me Fa So La Ti Do
Life is a sad old
Silly old lullaby
Life is a sad old
Silly old
Lullaby
[audience applauding]
[audience laughing]
Well, well, well, if it isn't
my old friend Nicky Bradford.
Hello, Nicky. How are you?
It's good to see you.
Well, this is some rock and roll
concert tonight, isn't it?
Yeah, there's gonna be
three groups playing.
Yeah? One, two, three.
Well, tell me something.
What's the name
of the first group?
- "Who."
- The first group.
- "Who."
- That's what I wanna find out!
What's that?
Who's the group that's gonna
play the first troupe?
Well, if you know,
why are you asking me?
Wait a minute!
The second group.
Do they have a name?
- Yes.
- What's their name?
"Yes."
Okay, you've told me!
Now, who's the second group?
No, "Who" is the first group.
[audience laughing]
How did we get back
to the first group?
I don't know.
You brought it up.
All I wanna know is the band
going to play tonight.
"The Band" isn't even here
tonight. They've broken up.
Who is broken up?
How could they be broken up?
They're playing first.
What in the heck
are you talking about?
'This is so confusing!'
[audience applauding]
[piano music]
[audience laughing]
[music continues]
[audience laughing]
[audience laughing]
[music continues]
[audience laughing]
[audience applauding]
Joannie, it was great!
Great. Come on, let's go, David.
[music continues]
Well, go on.
You're holding up the show.
[audience applauding]
Um, this song
is written for my family.
When you belong
to a large family
sometimes you forget
you're a member.
And, uh, well..
This is my way of saying
thank you to them
for not forgetting about me.
[guitar music]
There's a magic in the early
morning we found
When the sunrise
smiles on everything around
It's a portrait
of the happiness
That we feel and always will
Eight is enough
to fill our lives with love
Oh we're lucky we can share
this beautiful space
So many find the world
an empty place
Anyone who asks to stand alone
is only standing still
And eight is enough to fill
our lives with love
Oh love makes all
the difference now
And one that really shows
Just look at everyone of us
See how it overflows
We spend our days like
bright and shiny new dimes
If we're ever puzzled
by the changing times
There's a plate
of homemade wishes
On the kitchen window sill
And eight is enough to fill
our lives with love
More than enough to fill
our lives with love
[audience applauding]
[music continues]
[theme music]
[applauding continues]
[indistinct chatter]
Okay, now, Nicholas,
would you please
retell your story
of your close encounter?
David, what is this
all about anyway?
Nicholas and I are about
to solve the mystery
of the alien invaders?
'Go ahead, Nicholas.'
Okay, I was standing right here
about to pitch a fast one
to Kenny P. Landers
and then all of a sudden
this little space man came up
and threw a bag around my head
and dragged me
into his spaceship.
- Family, this way, please.
- Yes?
I would like
to introduce you
to the Landers family spaceship.
Fully equipped, of course.
[buttons beeping]
- Wow!
- Where did that come from?
(David)
'I helped build it
about years ago'
'with Kenny's older brother
Teddy B. Landers.'
'A noted practical joker.'
- You did?
- This is great!
(Nancy)
'Has it been here
all this time?'
Long time.
I forgot all about it.
Well, I guess that solves our
little brother's mystery,
doesn't it?
Yeah, but what about all those
little men with the
antennas on the..
[all laughing]
[indistinct chatter]
[theme music]
[music continues]
02x26 - Who's on First?
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The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.
The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.