David, I need some advice.
Okay, what's your problem?
Well, it's not exactly
my problem to say.
My friend's problem.
Mm-hmm, go ahead.
Well, see, my friend borrowed
his big brother's basketball.
- Without asking?
- Yeah.
And it kinda got flattened
by a big truck.
Hmm, I think I see your problem.
David, well, should my friend
tell his big brother now
and get hit on or wait
till his brother finds out
and then get hit on?
Could your friend buy his
brother a new basketball?
Well, I don't think
my friend would wanna spend
the rest of his life in debt.
Yeah. Hmm.
My feeling is
that honesty is always best
no matter how much it hurts.
Besides, if your friend
tells his brother the truth
maybe his brother
won't hit on him.
Well, what should he say?
Ah, something like..
I was dribbling your basketball
and it got away from me.
It bounced into the street
and got run over by a big truck
and I'm really sorry.
- How's that?
- Sounds okay.
Anything else?
David, I was dribbling
your new fishing pole
and it kinda got away from me.
Hey, Nicholas!
[theme music]
♪ There's a magic
in the early morning ♪
♪ We've found ♪
♪ When the sunrise
smiles on everything ♪
♪ Around ♪
♪ It's a portrait
of the happiness ♪
♪ That we feel and always will ♪
♪ For eight is enough
to fill our lives ♪
♪ with love ♪
♪ Though we spend our days
like bright and shiny ♪
♪ New dimes ♪
♪ If we're ever puzzled
by the changing times ♪
♪ There's a plate
of homemade wishes ♪
♪ On the kitchen window sill ♪
♪ And eight is enough ♪
♪ To fill our lives with love ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Abby, are you asleep?
Not anymore.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I can't sleep.
I was thinkin' maybe--
No, Tom, not anymore
: a.m.
scrabble games, please.
Oh, yeah. Alright.
Don't worry about it.
Okay.
You know, this is being
going on for a week now.
I haven't gotten a good night
sleep since you got insomnia.
Could you please
I repeat, please see Max
tomorrow?
If I see Max tomorrow, that's
not gonna help me sleep tonight.
[sighs]
Abby, if you don't like scrabble
how 'bout gin rummy?
Hmm?
What do you say,
gin rummy?
It's fun.
[instrumental music]
(Tom)
'Alright, what's the verdict?'
(Dr. Maxwell)
'Thirty or forty more years.'
With more time on
for good behavior.
Come on, Greg.
Tom, there's nothing
physically wrong with you.
I know that.
But you do seem a bit edgy.
Of course, I'm edgy.
Why do you think I'm here?
I haven't slept in a week.
Now, come on, please,
just give me a prescription
for some sleeping pills
and I can get out of here.
Are you writing
prescriptions now?
Alright, alright, I'm sorry.
What do you recommend for me
to do and I'll do it.
I think maybe you better
sit down for this.
Oh, come on, now.
Don't start getting
melodramatic, Dr. Welby.
Okay, I'll give it
to you straight.
I think you should
see a psychologist.
That's not funny, Greg.
It's wasn't meant to be.
You think that I should go
to a psychologist
for insomnia?
This insomnia is just
a warning signal.
You see, when you worry too much
it puts just as much strain
on the body as any illness.
But I'm not worried
about anything.
I mean, there hasn't been
a major crisis
in the Bradford house
since last week.
But you've been worrying
a lot over the past few months.
And you've kept it all
bottled up inside.
And that's why I want you
to see a psychologist.
And, as the kids used to say,
"Let it all hang out."
No, no. I don't wanna go
and see a psychologist.
I-I don't like the idea.
They can tell what you're
thinking.
It's embarrassing. Uh-uh.
Besides, what am I gonna
tell Abby and the kids?
You have to wait,
I'll be right back.
I'm going outside to have
my little nervous breakdown.
I'll be right back. Don't..
Oh, come on.
(Dr. Maxwell)
'That was being melodramatic.'
All I suggested
was a few visits.
'I'm gonna give you a referral.'
I know just the person
you should see.
Is this Dr. Koenig any good
or have you gone
into fee splitting?
Now, do you remember
when I was getting
the, uh, hiccups during our
Friday night poker games?
Sure, how can I forget.
I'll see you, eh,
and I'll raise you, eh-eh..
I went to see Dr. Koenig.
You went to see
a psychologist for the hiccups?
Worked like a charm.
It turned out
it was all psychosomatic.
'Now does that make you
feel any better?'
I don't know.
I'll think about it, alright?
But listen, in the mean time
don't say anything
to Abby and the kids.
I'll tell them in my own way,
if I decide to go.
In other words,
you're going to go
but you're not gonna tell them.
Precisely.
Hey, what happened?
Uh, local Hank Aaron
hit a home run.
You want a quick lesson
in home repair?
Uh, no, thanks,
I haven't got time. Got a date.
Two girlfriends?
Yeah, Gretchen and Sherry,
both totally excellent.
Yeah, Gretchen looks
very spiritual.
She's got the most stag spirit
I've ever seen.
To what do you attribute
your newfound magnetism?
Maturity.
You see I've learned
to be interested in
whatever the girl is
interested in.
That way I can date 'em all.
Uh, sort of,
all things to all girls, right?
Well, it's a general idea.
Diversity.
So you gotta keep your options
open and your assets liquid.
- Tommy.
- Huh?
Don't say I didn't warn you.
[instrumental music]
You still haven't told me
what Max said.
- Oh, haven't I?
- No.
Not unless
my mind's slipping.
'So what'd he say?'
Oh, uh, he said
it's, uh, not to worry.
It's nerves and it's nothing.
It-it-it'll go away.
Didn't he prescribe anything?
O-oh, yes. Damn, exercise.
He likes that.
Oh, he wants me to, uh,
go jogging, racquetball.
All those kind of things,
anything physical, you know.
Which is, uh, it's not
gonna be very pleasant.
But I have my own remedy.
'I exercise.'
Two chapters of this book
will put anybody to sleep.
Oh, see. It's working, already.
[grunts]
Well, it's gonna be great to get
a good night sleep
for a change.
- Ah, goodnight.
- Goodnight.
[instrumental music]
Oh, no.
Looks like I have
to take a double dose.
- Mr. Bradford.
- Me? Huh?
That's right, I am Bradford.
How did you know?
You have an appointment,
remember?
Oh, sure. Of course.
Have a seat.
Dr. Koenig's with a client.
They're almost through.
Thank you.
Buh-bye.
Okay, Mr. Bradford, you're up.
Hi.
- I'm Joyce Koenig.
- Oh, yes, Tom Bradford.
You look surprised.
Oh, really?
Well, I didn't expect a woman.
Oh, does it make a difference?
No, no, not at all.
Of course, not.
Good. Now is the time
to find out.
Um, shall we sit down?
- Oh, no couch, huh.
- No, no couch.
Well, this is nice.
Uh, you know, uh, Dr. Koenig
there's, there's one thing
I wanted to say.
Please. Please, why don't you
just call me Joyce
and I'll call you Tom, okay?
Oh, alright, fine.
Uh, Joyce, you see, um..
Let me explain. Uh..
T-this whole thing was
uh, uh, Greg Maxwell's idea.
Uh, he-he, um..
Well, p-personally, I think
it's a waste of time.
'D-d-don't get me wrong.'
'I-I mean, I-I know that you're
a wonderful psychologist.'
It's just that, um..
W-well, I don't know
how to put this.
Uh, you see the only reason
that I'm here
is that I couldn't
get to sleep at night.
'U-uh, and n-now
when you consider'
'the awful times
that I've gone through'
when I could sleep just fine.
Well, it doesn't make sense.
Uh, b-being t-the father
of eight children
i-is no picnic.
I mean the things
that have happened to me
I'm, I don't know..
Do you know
there was one time when
when my eight children
got arrested.
All of them, together.
Imagine that, well..
My daughter, Joannie,
she's the actress in the family.
Uh, she did a nude scene
in a play.
Oh. I tell you,
I didn't know what to do.
Then, then,
then my oldest daughter, Mary.
She's very nice girl
but she-she had this boyfriend
and she moved in with him.
That was,
that was very tough one.
My youngest, Nicholas
he-he ran away from home.
Of course, the-t-the worst thing
that ever happened to me
was when my first wife d*ed.
But I-I met this woman.
Wonderful woman.
Y-you'd like her very much,
and, and I remarried.
'And it's-it's just wonderful.'
B-but what I'm trying
to get out
is that I mean, if-if
I could through all that
without a psychologist
w-well then why-why do
I need one now?
Oh, just let me make sure,
I understand this.
You have eight, shall we say
rather adventuresome children.
Um, your first wife d*ed,
you recently remarried
and you're having
trouble sleeping?
Frankly, Tom, I-I'm,
I'm surprised
you've lasted this long.
[chuckles]
Really?
Are you kiddin'? Hey, primo.
He's been talkin' to Sherry
for the last half hour.
Hey, hey, hey, lover boy
there are other people
in this family
with a social life, you know.
Yeah, but not for long
at this rate.
Oh, tomorrow night?
Yeah, that'll be dyno.
I'll pick you up at about :.
Okay, bye-bye.
Oh, you.
Oh, hi, Gretchen?
Yeah, it's me.
Yeah, I just wanted
to tell you that
that new wheatgerm
is really mellow.
Yeah, and I finally
made it into a full lotus.
Ouch! Did you hear that,
health fruit yoga?
Me thinks I'm not
the only actor in the house.
Tomorrow night? Ah, can we make
it for another night?
Oh, you can't, huh?
O-okay,
I can make it tomorrow night.
But it'll be late,
about : .
W-why? Well, I'm gonna bake
some granola bars.
Yeah. Yeah, good karma
to you too. Buh-bye.
Oh. Tsch! Good karma to you.
You really think that
karma stuff's contagious?
Don't know. Mm.
Hi, dad.
Is there something wrong?
It's good. I was beginning
to get a little worried.
[dramatic music]
Yeah, so Dr. Max is referring
dad to another doctor.
David, it is not
just another doctor.
It's a cardiologist.
Dr. Koenig's on the faculty
of my medical school.
Oh, you sure
he's the same one?
(Mary)
'Yes, I'm sure.'
I checked the AMA register
and there's only one
Dr. J. Koenig in Sacramento.
Oh.
'David, he specializes
in serious cases.'
Look, if dad's seeing him,
it means only one thing.
Dad's got heart trouble.
David, I still think
we ought to tell dad.
- No.
- Look, David, I--
Mary, if dad wants
to talk about it, he will.
I mean, it's obvious he doesn't
want the family to know yet.
Besides, if he thinks we're
worried about his condition
it might put extra
strain on his heart.
Okay, I guess you're right,
but I-I feel helpless.
Have you said anything to Abby?
No, um, I just assumed
that she already knew.
I came to you first.
Well, I think we better keep
this to ourselves for now, okay?
Okay.
- Bye.
- Bye.
[instrumental music]
[phone ringing]
Hello, Mr. Bradford's office.
- 'Hello, Donna.'
- Oh, hi, Abby.
- How you doin'?
- How you doin'?
Is the giant of journalism in?
Oh, no, he just slipped out.
Uh, no destination, no ETA,
no signs of struggle.
Of course, you know,
when I go to the water cooler
he demands a note from home,
but..
Yeah, well, if you decide
to strike for
better working conditions,
you can count me in
for your support, okay?
Uh, thanks, Abby
but it takes time
to train a boss.
Besides, you know what,
I-I think he's on
the verge of male menopause.
Oh, would you like the man
in mystery to call you back?
No, that's okay, I-I'll, I'll
catch him at dinner later on.
Take care.
- Hi, everybody, I'm home.
- Hi, dad.
- How you doin'?
- Huh.
What's the matter?
I'm starved.
Mm, some headline news
"Man starved to death
in his own kitchen."
- Okay, go ahead.
- Ah, thanks a lot.
You're welcome.
By the way,
where were you at lunch today?
Where was I at lunch? I was
where I usually am at lunch.
I was having lunch.
Well, I called about :
and Donna didn't
know where you were.
Oh. Yeah, right, right.
Actually,
I-I wasn't in the office
but, uh, I was in the building.
Uh, what happened was
the editor called
and he wanted me to come down
and meet this Mr. Sherman
who's the editor's
wife's second cousin.
So, he's..
Hi, Nicholas.
He's doing this article
on columnists
so, naturally,
he wanted to meet me.
Nicholas, I said hello.
Nicholas, are we playing
a game I don't know about?
Whatever the name of
the game is, you win.
Nicholas.
Were was I?
You were last seen touring
the executive's suites.
Oh, yeah, right. Well, anyway,
that's what I was doing.
I was, um, up at the
executives', a-at their suites.
- It works, it works.
- What works?
Well, you know my friend,
Kenny P. Landers
he said the best way
to control parents
is to stare them down.
And I did it on dad,
and it worked.
Boy, that Kenny P. Landers
is some kinda guy.
Hey, how come you got
clothes in your guitar case?
Running away from home
or something?
Nope,
got a doubleheader tonight.
- Baseball?
- No, girls.
Two of 'em, back to back.
Boy, do you got problems?
So I couldn't very well say no
to the editor's wife's
second cousin, could I?
So I just dropped everything
and I took
Mr. Sherwood on a complete tour
of the newspaper.
But I thought
his name was Sherman.
Oh, oh, right, right.
I'm glad that you remember that.
W-what I keep getting confused
with the editor's wife's brother
uh, was a friend of mine,
Harry Sherwood.
He was an interesting character.
He and I--
And I thought
she was an only child.
Oh, well,
that's true but her uncle--
Hi, everybody.
- Dad, hi. How are you?
- Oh, hi. Yes.
Uh, bad as well
as could be expected.
Dad, can I use the car tonight?
Uh, wait, I have the
station wagon, remember?
Yeah, well, it's carpool time
'cause Susan and Elizabeth
have some place to go too.
Where are you all taking off to?
- I'm going to movie.
- And I've got a date.
- And I'm going to class.
- I think I'll be alone.
- No, you won't.
- I'm not going out.
Hey, Mary, you said
you had a date tonight.
No, no, not tonight.
I'm gonna stay with dad.
- Great!
- Dad, dad, no.
Take it easy, please, please.
Why don't you just
sit right down over here.
- Oh, really?
- Okay, and I'll make you salad.
What is this, the Bradford home
for the enfeebled?
Oh, sorry guys,
but no dinner for me.
I'm gonna catch
a double feature.
- Hi, dad.
- Hi, son.
Listen, we're gonna eat
in two minutes.
Why don't you wait and then
go to the double feature?
Oh, I'd like to, dad,
but you know
I hate to come in
in the middle.
Especially,
when it's double-billed.
[indistinct chatter]
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Hey, hey, hey.
Alright, now, I-I'd really loved
to hang around and talk with you
but, um, I gotta split.
You better split
before his pants do.
So you're gonna finish
the story or what?
Oh, no, no, no, we better eat
because that salad
is beginning to wilt.
Yes. Well,
and so is your story.
Uh-huh.
Okay, Mary, it's been buggin'
me all night. What's up?
- What do you mean?
- Come on.
Something's going on,
I can feel it.
Come on, what's going
on with you and dad?
- I saw you hugging him.
- Shh.
- You give him a seat.
- Shh.
You stayed home
from a date for him.
Come on, you buttering him up
for somebody.
I mean, what is it, huh?
It's a car, it's clothes?
I bet it's money.
W-wouldn't you believe,
none of the above.
Come on.
Are you sure you have to go
to band practice?
My folks won't be home
for a couple of hours.
Ah, Sherry, you don't know
how I could get into that
but, no, I-I really have to
go to band practice.
The guys are countin' on me.
- Goodnight.
- Night.
[instrumental music]
You know you're gonna
tell me sometime.
- Joannie, please, not now.
- Okay, sister.
Now is your time to sing.
Otherwise,
it's third-degree..
Joannie, put that down.
Alright, sit down.
Alright.
Well, hi, Tommy. Come on in.
I'm sorry, I'm late.
I was throwing the I Ching.
That's some great instincts
you got there.
You hungry? I've got
some fresh soybean curd.
Hmm, fresh soybean curd.
- Yum.
- Come on.
Dad has heart trouble?
I don't believe it.
D-don't you think
there's some mistake, I mean..
Joannie, I wish there was.
Please, it's our secret, okay?
Oh, this insomnia is ridiculous.
Gosh, now I'm talking to myself.
Now I'm answering myself.
- Dad, what's wrong with you?
- Are you okay?
You, you look a little flushed.
No, no, I'm not flushed.
I'm just thirsty.
You two can congregate up here
in the hall if you want to.
I'm going down to the kitchen
to make myself a hot chocolate.
- Okay, good, we'll go with you.
- Yes.
No, no, no,
you will not go with me.
I am perfectly capable of
making my own hot chocolate.
I'm, I'm totally, utterly,
completely alright.
You understand?
Hi.
I think.
Something is definitely
wrong with my family.
Last night, Tommy went out on
a date in this outrageous getup.
And he came home in another one.
I tell you, Joyce,
I think he's...
I think he's going skitzo.
'And Mary, she passed up a date'
'to stay home
and keep me company.'
And yet, all evening
I had the strangest feeling
that she was
spying on me.
And Nicholas. Oh, he is
absolutely catatonic.
Is all he does, all day long
and all night is stare at me.
He doesn't say a word.
You know, Tom, sometimes,
when we're in distress
we tend to project
or to put our own feelings
onto those around us.
Oh. Well, then that means
that I'm paranoid, skitzo
and catatonic, all at once.
I hate to tell you
but that's impossible.
Not in my house.
Listen, maybe we ought
to see each other twice a week.
How about, uh, Thursday?
[phone rings]
Tom Bradford's office.
No, he's not in right now.
Can I take a message?
Okay, tell Tom, you can't
see him on Thursday.
Call to make other...
arrangements.
Joyce.
Yeah, i-is there,
is there anything else, Joyce?
Okay, you're welcome.
- Joyce.
- Hi.
Hi.
Who does Tom know named Joyce?
Joyce? Nobody I know of, why?
Oh, I've just got this very..
...friendly message
from someone named Joyce.
An old girlfriend?
It's not funny.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
(Donna)
'I mean, y-you don't think
it's another woman.'
I-I mean obviously, Joyce
is the name of another woman
but y-you know, a-another woman
in the sense that..
...one might whisper,
"Another woman."
What do you think?
I don't know what to think.
But I do know one thing
if he wants his freedom, he's
going about it the right way.
I'll see you.
[phone rings]
- Hello?
- Oh, hello, this is dad.
Hello?
Hello?
Is this the Bradford house?
'Oh, it must be you,
Nicholas, of course.'
Alright, Nicholas,
this is daddy.
Yes. Tell Abby that I might
be a few minutes late.
Alright?
Nichol.. Oh.
Why me?
[instrumental music]
- Hi.
- Hi.
I could only give you
five minutes, Abby
I-I'm backed up
with appointments.
It's okay.
Now, uh, what's
the emergency about?
Well, Maxwell, you're Tom's
oldest and best friend, right?
I do seem to have
that dubious honor.
Yeah, so, I figured that..
Well, you'd understand him
better than anybody else
and maybe you could,
you could help me
figure out what's going on.
What do you mean?
What's going on?
Well, see, Max, I think, um..
...no, I know, uh..
...Tom's been,
been sneaking around
and...I think
he's seeing somebody
that he doesn't want me
to know about.
He got caught, eh?
Ahem!
Yeah, practically, red handed.
So, uh, why is it the wife
is always the last to know, huh?
Look, Abby, before you go
jumping to conclusions
let me explain something.
Now, Tom's been going through
an awful lot
and frankly, I think
this was inevitable.
Inevitable.
(Dr. Maxwell)
'Please, hear me up.'
You see..
This is very common
among men Tom's age.
As a matter of fact,
I see it all the time.
I've even done it myself.
'And believe me, Daisy's
support and understanding'
'made a big difference.'
Daisy didn't object?
Object? We talked about
doing it together.
[coughing]
'And that's something I think
you should think about too.'
Right.
Oops, sorry. My beeper.
I don't believe
what I'm hearing.
Yeah, I'm sorry. I've been
meaning to have it fixed.
Not about the beep, beeper,
about you and Daisy.
Abby, I'm surprised at you.
Times have changed.
I mean the old prejudices
are no longer valid.
Everything is much freer now.
Not that free.
Tom's going to need
your support in this.
Trust me.
Uh, I've got to go.
Max, I do, I do trust you
and, uh, um, I love Tom,
but what am I supposed to do
I mean, am I suppose
to confront him
about what I know, is that it?
That would only make
things worse.
How could things be worse?
- Ha ha ha!
- That must be Abby.
Hey, Abby,
how was lunch with dad?
I wouldn't know.
Why, I thought you
were gonna surprise him?
Yeah, but, uh,
the surprise was on me.
He wasn't there.
He obviously had something
more important to do.
Ooh! She did really
look bummed out.
Hey, I'm gonna find out
what's going on.
Oh, no, Susan, no. I don't think
it's time right now.
- Oh, why not?
- I'm not supposed to tell.
Come on!
Okay, but look,
Nancy and Elizabeth
don't know about this yet
and-and neither do
Tommy and Nicholas,
so don't let on, okay?
I wouldn't tell 'em.
Um, I think you better sit down.
Tsk.
[crickets chirping]
It was nice of you
to offer David
but I don't really mind driving.
I just thought since
we're going together anyway.
Hey, can one of you guys
open this for me?
Sure.
[sighs]
- Hey, dad, here, let me.
- Don't worry, I got it--
No. Come on. Dad.
[can clicks]
Let's eat while I could still
lift my own fork.
Well, what's happened
to the shop
Bradford repartee tonight?
Uh, how is the rehearsal coming?
Oh, fine. No problem, dad.
Uh-huh.
How is the, uh,
cadaver business?
Uh, it's, it's fine,
dad. Just fine.
Everything around here
seems to be just fine.
[Tom sighs]
Well, I have something
to talk about.
Oh! Thank God!
Well..
I saw this really interesting
documentary on TV last night
I'm trying to expand
my horizons.
Oh, good. I'm very impressed.
What was it about?
Um, it was really kind of weird.
It's how they're using
chimpanzee hearts
for human transplants.
'You know, you guys
should've seen it'
they had the actually hearts
and they looked almost the same
as a matter of fact, they showed
the actual operation live--
Ahem. Nancy, I could use
your help in the kitchen.
- I haven't finished yet, Susan.
- Please.
Okay.
It was very interesting.
Is something funny
going on around here?
You'd know better than I would.
I would?
So you can see why I couldn't
let you just ramble on
about heart transplants
and operations.
Yeah, of course.
But why didn't he just tell us?
I mean, what if he needs help?
After all we're a part
of his family.
Listen, there's nothing
we can do until he's ready
to confide in us.
That's just stupid.
Well, getting mad
isn't gonna help.
Well, what is?
Look, Nancy, I know how you feel
but for now just
keep it yourself, hmm?
Alright, but I don't know
how dad could be so selfish
in this time of need.
- Oh, hi, dad! Bye, dad!
- Oh, wait, Tommy.
Wait a minute,
I wanna talk to you.
Could you hurry, dad?
I gotta run.
Oh, why is that
every time I see you
these days, you're always
running off someplace.
Uh, track team.
In that outfit
with a guitar case?
Well, I can't stop
my life to train.
Uh, uh, this is wardrobe
for school play I'm doing
and after that
I have band practice.
Oh, well, I-I thought
that track was in the spring.
Uh, you can start
to train too early.
I'll see you later.
[indistinct chatter on TV]
Watching another documentary?
Oh, not exactly.
It's called "Twisted Minds."
It's that old movie
about the loony bin.
Oh! Listen, there's a better one
on channel four.
Not so heavy. It's a comedy.
It's about this father who dies
and leaves all his money
to his children,
they all fight over it.
- It's so funny.
- Oh, dad! That's awful!
[indistinct chatter on TV]
[instrumental music]
Look at all that stuff.
'It's just dripping
with cholesterol.'
I know, Mary.
It's heart att*ck on a plate.
I have an idea..
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
Does anyone happen to notice..
No, I guess not.
I'm going stark raving bananas!
I think you're overreacting.
Overreacting?
They stole my breakfast.
Tom, do you really mean stole?
Alright. So they borrowed it.
I really think an extra day
wouldn't hurt.
Now, uh, how's Friday?
[instrumental music]
[instrumental music]
Dad, do you mind if I vacuum,
Abby wants it done
before she gets home?
No, go ahead.
[vacuum cleaner whirring]
Will you help me
move the couch?
Yeah, no problem.
[sighs]
Just a second, dad.
I'll be right back.
What are you trying to do?
I'm trying to vacuum the carpet.
I don't mean that. I mean asking
dad to exert himself like that.
Well, he isn't exactly
over the hill yet.
Elizabeth,
he could hurt himself.
Oh, come on, Nancy,
is something wrong?
I'm not supposed to tell but..
...dad is seeing
a heart specialist.
If he lifts too much,
he could have a heart att*ck.
Are you sure it's that serious?
(Nancy)
'Elizabeth, I'm telling you,
he could have a heart att*ck.'
'And if..'
'I don't even
wanna think about it.'
(Elizabeth)
'Nancy, why didn't anybody
tell me?'
(Nancy)
'Don't worry about
that now, okay?'
'Just be careful.'
'And don't tell anyone else.'
'Especially Nicholas.'
[dramatic music]
[instrumental music]
[laughs]
You certainly are popular.
Two girlfriends, I hear.
Yeah, well, dad always said
I should play the field.
Uh-huh.
I guess that's the name
of the game in this house
so, only I, uh, guess I'm just
learning the rules.
Oh, Tommy, your date's here.
She is picking you up?
Yeah, well, it's called
a seller's market.
Excuse me.
[crickets chirping]
[chuckles]
Hi!
School isn't that big,
Tommy Bradford.
Word gets around.
Especially when that word
comes from a big bragging mouth.
Well, hey, look,
I-I really dig both of you.
Good. Because you've got
both of us for the evening.
If you're man enough
to handle it.
Well, fasten your seat belts,
ladies. We'll find out.
[instrumental music]
- Dad!
- What?
Nicholas speaks?
Is your heart gonna att*ck you?
Huh?
Is your heart really
going to att*ck you?
Do you mean am I going to have
a heart att*ck?
Yeah. That's it.
No. I-I don't think so.
And you're not going
away like mom?
Oh, Nicholas!
Come here.
Where did you get that idea?
I heard Elizabeth
and Nancy talking.
They didn't want me to know.
Are you sure
that's what they said?
I'm sure.
I sold my glove and bat
and all my trading cards
so you can get one of those
chimpanzee heart transmissions.
That means a lot
to me, Nicholas.
I'm lucky to have
a son like you.
But, no, I, uh, I don't need
a chimpanzee heart.
This one's just perfect.
Really?
Yeah, I mean it.
I cross my...healthy heart.
Gee, now I can buy
all my stuffs back.
Better than that,
I'm gonna buy you
a new glove and a bat,
alright?
Alright!
But listen, one thing
before I do it
then I won't bother you,
I wanna ask you one thing.
I won't bother you anymore.
Why have you been
staring at me?
- Oh, that.
- Yeah, that.
Well, you know
my friend Kenny P. Landers
he said the best way
to control parents
is to stare at them.
I might have known,
Kenny P. Landers.
Every parent's best friend.
Well, I'm sure glad I found out.
I was wonderin'.
Dad, can I still
have a new glove?
Yeah. And we'll break
it in together.
But right now, I gotta talk
to Nancy and Elizabeth.
Alright, what is all this talk
about my impending heart att*ck?
Come on now, I want
an explanation.
Susan, I wanna talk to you.
Uh, just a minute, dad.
I'm brushing my teeth.
No, this can't wait, Susan.
I wanna know where you heard
I was going to have
a heart att*ck?
Please, don't be mad, dad.
We know it was supposed
to be a secret--
Oh, who's we?
- Me and Mary.
- Oh! I cannot believe this.
I'm always the last person
in this house to know anything
even if it's about
my own heart att*ck.
Where is Mary?
My name, I heard it mentioned.
Oh, you're the fountain
of truth. Come in here. Come in.
Please explain to me
what is all this talk
about my having a heart att*ck
and it better be good too
because there's nobody left
to pass the buck to.
Yeah, well, I guess some people
just have big mouths.
Um, dad, I-I know
about Dr. Koenig.
Oh! Wait, what has Dr. Koenig
got to do with my having
a heart att*ck?
Everything.
Uh, Dr. Koenig is a,
a cardiologist, isn't he?
He?
'The family conference
is, uh, about to begin.'
Now, uh, Tommy isn't here,
but that doesn't worry me
I'm sure that
the Bradford information center
'will fill him in.'
I, uh, I've been keeping
a secret from you
for the last few weeks
and I'm sorry.
'I've put you all through
a lot of worry.'
A lot more than I realized
until tonight
and now I, uh..
'...I wanna tell you
all the truth.'
Tom, wait a minute,
don't you think
we should talk
about this first--
No, Abby, I'm sorry,
I didn't confide in you
but now I want everyone
to hear this
because I, I don't want there
to be any misunderstanding.
'Aah! You kids have
to grow up sometime.'
'I..'
This is very difficult for me.
The-the-the last few weeks
I've-I've..
It's embarrassing. I-I've been
keeping a secret from you.
I, I-I've been seeing a..
...a psychologist.
- 'Seeing a what?'
- Wait a second.
What, you don't have
heart trouble?
You mean no heart att*ck?
Wait a minute.
Dad, um, um, we all thought
you had a heart trouble
and you're seeing
a psychologist?
(David)
'Dad, why didn't you tell us?
You didn't have to lie.'
Yeah, nowadays everybody
sees a headshrinker.
A headshrinker?
I thought something was really
wrong with you, dad.
'Dad, we were so worried.'
I-I didn't think
you'd take it this well.
I had no idea.
(Elizabeth)
'Dad, I've been
in the pits for days.'
- Thanks to Nancy here.
- Hey, it's not my fault.
- Susan!
- Oh! Joannie told me.
- Mary she, she--
- Mary started this--
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Mary, how did you find out
about Dr. Koenig?
Oh, gosh, you're okay.
Dad, I found
Dr. Max's referral
in the car, okay,
and-and there's only one
Dr. J. Koenig in Sacramento.
I checked the AMA register.
Oh, well, I think
I can explain that.
Dr. Joyce Koenig
is a psychologist
that I went to,
but she is a PhD not an MD.
So naturally,
she's not registered in the AMA.
- Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- No. That's alright.
Oh, hey, Tommy!
- Hey!
- What's that?
Well, what have you been doing?
Everything times two.
Right, just go freak
in a granola cupcake
must have been some date.
Oh! No wonder.
Uh, it's an occupational hazard,
casanova.
Yeah, well, I'm going to bed.
You wouldn't believe all
the things I did tonight.
I'd tell you I gotta be crazy,
I oughta have my head examined.
[indistinct chatter]
(Mary)
Hey, I know great doctors.
Great doctors.
(Nicholas)
What's a headshrinker?
[instrumental music]
[Abby laughs]
Why didn't you tell me?
I would have understood.
Don't you think I can handle it?
No, no, that wasn't it.
It's just that I was embarrassed
and ashamed about having
to see a psychologist at my age.
There's no age limit, you know.
Oh, I know that.
I mean, I found that out.
The worst part was getting
over my own prejudice
about seeing a psychologist.
I always thought they only sort
people who didn't have anyone
to talk to, but it's funny.
Even though I have nine people
who, who love me
and care about me,
it's still good to talk
to somebody that,
uh, can be objective.
Somebody, who's not
your wife, right?
- Hmm. Exactly.
- Exactly.
I have a confession to make.
Oh! Is that serious?
This is very serious.
[Abby inhales]
I thought you
were having an affair
with somebody named Joyce.
What? Me?
I didn't know
she was your psychologist
and so I just naturally jumped
to the wrong conclusion.
Come on! Why didn't you
say something?
Look who's talking.
Hmm. Too shy.
It may also interest you know
that I was prepared to do
anything to win you back.
- Really?
- Hmm.
Wow!
Tell me about it.
[instrumental music]
- Hello! Anybody home?
- Shh, shh, shh!
Quite, dad's taking a nap.
(David)
'Oh-oh, I just came by to see
how his therapy was going.'
Oh, he's all finished.
Today was his last session.
Obviously the insomnia is gone.
Well, once he explained
all the mix-ups
Dr. Koenig said that
for a guy with eight kids
he's just not too bad
off at all.
Nicholas, what are you doing?
Well, everybody's been saying
that dad's been going
to a headshrinker.
So I wanted to see
how much dad's head shrink.
[both laughing]
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
[music continues]
03x01 - Who's Crazy Here?
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The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.
The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.