03x06 - The Flunked and the Funked

[bunniefuu]

[instrumental music]

Come on, Nicholas.

We'll be late for school.

I'm not going today.

What do you mean,

you're not going to school?

Nope.

Nicholas, don't you

wanna know everything

you can about the world?

It will never happen.

Every time I figure out

the world

it always changes on me.

Yeah, but that's why

you need an education

because the more

you learn about life

the less it will surprise you.

Now come on. Get dressed.

'You're going to school.'

Nope, not today.

No arguments, Nicholas.

You are going to school.

Alright, if you say so, Abby.

But it won't help

my education.

Well, of course it will,

if you try hard enough.

No matter how hard I try

the schools will

still be closed

and it'll still be Saturday.

Saturday. Oh, Nicholas.

Um, well, you know me

and mornings. I'm sorry.

I'm not. I'm never sorry

when it's Saturday.

See you later, Nicholas.

[theme song]

♪ There's a magic

in the early morning ♪

♪ We've found ♪

♪ When the sunrise smiles ♪

♪ On everything around ♪

♪ It's a portrait

of the happiness ♪

♪ That we feel and always will ♪

♪ Oh eight is enough ♪

♪ To fill our lives with love ♪

♪ Oh we spend our days ♪

♪ Like bright

and shiny new dimes ♪

♪ If we're ever puzzled ♪

♪ By the changing time ♪

♪ There's a plate

of homemade wishes ♪

♪ On the kitchen window sill ♪

♪ And eight is enough ♪

♪ To fill our lives with love ♪♪

[instrumental music]

Hi, general.

How goes the battle?

- Disastrous.

- What do you mean?

We just lost

the two best knights

right out of our marriage.

What are you talking about?

Tuesdays and Thursdays,

they're gone.

How could they be gone?

If I have to work till midnight

they're gone.

Oh, the papers putting you on

some kind of

night shift or something?

No, no, they're putting me

on the faculty.

There's an extension course

in journalism

and the man they have

is resigning, so

they want us to select

a new lecturer

and now she as a publisher

has volunteered me.

That's not a disaster,

that's terrific.

You should be flattered.

Oh, no,

what I am is scared.

What do I know

about teaching?

A lot, you're married

to a teacher.

Oh, but that's only

five nights a week.

You mean, you're gonna let me do

what you're not gonna say

is too hard

on our relationship?

Absolutely not.

I knew two seconds

after I met you

I'll have to share you

with the younger generation.

You mean, you won't write me

out an excuse?

I'm proud of you,

and I'm happy for me.

'Cause I always wanted

to cohabitate

with a distinguished professor.

- Really?

- Mm-hmm.

Well, I didn't know what

fringe benefits there are.

Yeah, there're a few,

so you should listen

and, uh, take notes.

[chuckles]

Dad, that's fabulous.

That journalism class

is really lucky.

Lucky?

I'll stammer through

the first half

and blush through

the second half.

Do you realize

what a class of is?

It's five times as terrifying

as a house of eight.

Oh, come on, dad.

You'll make a terrific teacher.

Sure you will, dad. Look how

perfect all of us turned out.

[laughing]

What's all this about?

Oh, your father is gonna

teach a class

at the university.

- Oh, really? Um, what class?

- Journalism.

Hmm, maybe I'll transfer.

I could use a good grade

in something.

Dad, will you help me

with my nines?

Your what?

You know, nines.

Nine once are nine,

and nine two's are eighteen.

Oh, I'm sorry, Nicholas.

I've to get ready

to teach my first class.

I'm very busy.

Listen, I'll make it

easy on you.

You could help me

with my eight's.

Tonight, I couldn't even

make room for your two's.

Try somebody else.

Alright, you'll be sorry

when I get stuck

in the fourth grade

for a years.

We'll worry about your

some other time.

Please, Nicholas, leave.

[sighs]

Hey, anyone wanna help me

with my nine's?

Shh, we're concentrating.

Come on, I gotta have this paper

in my first period.

Can't you see,

we're studying?

What do you think

I'm trying to do?

Mary, if you'll help me

with my nine's

I'll help you

with your ana-an-anatomy.

It's a anatomy, Nicholas.

Look, I'm-I'll tell you what

why don't you check

the kitchen

maybe somebody in there

needs your help, okay?

Yeah, thanks a lot.

There you go,

works perfectly now.

Doesn't anybody ever stop

studying around here?

Some people can't even

get started.

The way books get

cracked around here

they oughta call this

Bradford College.

David, you remember

much about nine's?

What about nine's?

Well, here,

you hold this book

and I'll tell you

all about nines.

And if I get a little wrong

you can give me some hints.

Uh, yeah,

I've got a date, Nicholas.

I'm sorry, I can't help you

with your homework.

[sighs]

Homework, why do you have to

mention that terrible subject?

Do you need some help, Nancy?

- Not unless you're a psychic.

- Hmm.

I left my sociology book

in Bryan's car

and we have a quiz tomorrow.

Can't you borrow a book?

Not in time to read

six chapters.

I don't believe this family.

If you guys were trying

to memorize Mollier,

I'd be quiet.

Is it really true, you're six

chapters behind in sociology?

Yup.

I thought that was

your favorite course.

Well, it's gotten

very boring lately.

Boring, what do you mean

by boring?

It's like everything else

in college. It's hopeless.

You learn some facts for a test

and you forget 'em.

And then you learn some more

facts and you forget them.

It's like your mind's

a human garbage disposal.

Oh, I see. Are-are you equating

knowledge and garbage?

Of course not, Abby.

Real knowledge isn't garbage.

[sighs]

But the stuff they teach,

it seems like a waste of time.

They never help you

with real life.

Well, if you feel that way,

maybe you shouldn't

roll in some more

relevant courses.

What good will that do?

I couldn't roll

in the perfect class.

I could study hours and the

best thing I could get is a c.

It doesn't have to

be that way, Nancy.

Doesn't it?

You saw my grade

last year.

Passed with a probation.

Face it, Abby.

I'm just not a student.

We're not asking you to, uh

to make straight A's.

Well, I'm asking me.

I'm sick and tired

of being stuck

in the middle

of everybody's list.

I'm in the middle

of the family.

I'm in the middle

of the class.

Isn't there some place

where I can feel superior?

Mm-hmm.

Right here.

See, um, I think that

you're superbly beautiful.

And superbly loving

and a perfect daughter

and friend.

Oh!

Finished typing your

lesson plan. Here, professor.

- Well, there may be a change.

- Again?

Oh, gosh,

it's still busy.

Dana, do you think that

I should start the class off

with a analysis

of the first amendment

or a discussion on electronic

journalism versus print?

Oh, well, if I were you, I'd

start of by taking attendance.

Hey, that's a good idea.

Because if I wait till the end

of the class to take roll

the students will have either

d*ed of boredom or walked out.

Come on, how can you say that?

Everybody knows that

you write the most

non-boring stuff

on this newspaper.

Not counting sports

and comics.

Look, my column has

nothing to do with it.

I-I'm a private writer,

not a public speaker.

Are you kidding?

In your house every time

you open your mouth

your automatically

addressing a crowd.

In my house every time

I open my mouth

I realize that nobody

is listening.

I can't even communicate

by phone.

I don't have a family.

I have the world's longest

busy signal.

[phone dialing]

What's next?

Capital Park Tobacco Shoppy.

------.

Hello, do you have

Prince Albert in a can?

Let him out

before he smothers.

Alright.

Now it's my turn.

I don't think you're ready

yet, Nicholas.

You better watch me

a few more times.

Don't worry,

I'm a fast learner.

Besides people will be

coming home from school soon.

We oughta go to your house.

Nope, my mother likes me

to play over here.

She thinks you're a good

influence on me.

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

- Oh, hi, Nancy.

- Oh, hi, Nicholas.

Hi, Irving.

If you want the phone

nobody is using it.

Oh, no, thanks.

Boy, I've never seen

such dumb mail.

[sighs]

Oh, excuse me, sir.

Sir.

- Yes.

- Excuse me.

Do you know where I can find

journalism ?

What room is it in?

Well, I-I remembered it as

but that turned out to be

intermediate stained glass.

You know the name

of the journalism teacher?

Oh, yes, I'm afraid I do.

It's me.

- You're the teacher?

- Yes, I was drafted.

Uh, my name is Tom Bradford.

You're in room ,

Dr. Bradford.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no,

it's Mr. Bradford.

I can see that now.

Just turn left

and look for the numbers.

Your class started

six minutes ago.

Oh, oh!

[indistinct chattering]

Oh-ho, settle down, settle down.

Come on, now. Settle down.

Does anybody know what

our new teacher looks like?

(all in unison)

No.

Well, I've seen his picture

on his column and..

...I think he's here.

Come on in, Mr. Bradford.

Nice to have you with us.

Thank you.

I'm sorry, I'm late.

Oh, we understand,

Mr. Bradford.

You probably had a big story

to cover, huh?

Yeah, amateur

journalism instructor

gets lost on way to class.

[all laughing]

That's more worse than I thought

I'd say the whole semester.

Well, shall we get to work,

Mr. Bradford?

Hmm? Oh, work!

Uh, yes, uh..

Ready when you are.

(Abby)

'Tom, when are you gonna

believe us'

when we tell you

that you're great?

Well, it wasn't great,

but it was adequate.

And it wouldn't have

even been adequate

if it wasn't for this

young fellow, Ray Davis.

I tell you,

he was such a big help.

After the class was over

I tried to take him out

for coffee, you know?

But I couldn't, he had to

rush off to some job.

Can you b*at that?

Best part of teaching is getting

inspired by your students.

Hmm, I can believe that.

I can also believe

that this whole teaching bit

could actually become

half way enjoyable.

So, maybe someday you and I'll

have his and her classrooms?

Oh, don't count on it.

Once you smell printer's ink

any other perfume

gives you an allergy.

Well, were there any, um,

family crisis

while I was off playing,

uh, Mr. Chips?

Hmm, no, nothing.

Nothing?

Well, we can talk about

it tomorrow.

Oh, crises that are too

upsetting to talk about now

are usually the most upsetting

of all, what happened?

Well, let me just say this, um..

Nancy, is not exactly sharing

your academic success.

Oh, any worse than usual?

Yeah, I would say so,

she's um..

Well, she's very discouraged

about her classes and..

No, she's-she's more than

discouraged, she's depressed.

I guess it's time for

the mid-term pep talk.

Is that, uh, Professor Bradford

or father Bradford talking?

Father Bradford,

he pays the tuition.

Daddy, I know how hard

you have to work

to pay my way through

college and

I really appreciate it.

As a matter of fact,

I'm gonna look for a job

first thing tomorrow.

No, no, no, no, I'm not asking

you to do that.

I'm simply asking you

to try hard

and not to waste

your educational opportunity.

Well, I'm sure there's plenty

of jobs I could get.

Please, put that out

of your mind.

Getting a job would only

interfere with your studies.

I'll take care of the money.

You just get

your grades up higher.

If grades are what are worrying

you, daddy. Forget it.

A job won't hurt my average.

Nothing will.

[dramatic music]

They just notified me.

I didn't pass

my mid-term probation.

Daddy..

...I've flunked out of college.

[music continues]

Hi, I'm Nancy Bradford.

And you said that

my resumes would be

printed by this morning.

Yeah, that's right, Bradford.

Well, they were one page,

triple spaced

and you said to leave out

the part about coming in

fifth for Ms. Sacramento.

Oh, no, no, don't deliver.

I'll be right there

to pick them up.

Okay, thanks a lot, bye-bye.

-'Nancy.'

- Yeah.

Don't you want

some breakfast?

Oh, I'm too excited to eat.

After I get my job,

I'll have an early lunch, okay?

Bye-bye.

(Joannie)

'Good luck.'

(Nancy)

Oh, my poor feet.

Hey, Nancy, you want

some dinner?

Oh, no, I'm too tired

to even think about food.

Oh, I know,

I feel the same way

when I try out for a part.

I think it's the anxiety.

No, it's the walking.

I must have left resumes

in business.

Hey, that's good.

Any offers?

Yeah, lots,

but none for jobs.

What?

Hey, remember

the veterinary hospital?

They're always needing help.

Yeah, I think that was

my best interview.

What you mean,

"You think?"

Well, the doctor kept smiling

at me all the time

but I couldn't hear

a word he was saying.

Why not?

He had this patient,

a Great Dane.

He kept barking

the whole interview

and he kept trying to

bite me.

You don't want that job,

believe me.

Good luck, Nancy.

Better luck tomorrow, huh.

(Nancy)

I'll need it.

I'm gonna be losing

the whole morning

filling out a report

on the fender I smashed

when I was auditioning

as a car park person.

[chuckles]

Hang in there, you'll make it.

Tell that to my feet.

[instrumental music]

Hold it.

Yeah, she just walked in.

Elizabeth, it's for you.

Thanks, Nicholas.

Who is it?

I don't know.

Hello.

[heavy breathing]

I've heard about

people like you.

Don't call here again. My six

brothers are all marines.

Works every time.

I think I'll try it

on Susan.

No, she'll recognize

you breathing.

Oh, it would've made

things easier

if you'd warned me that

Nancy was flunking.

Why is that

our responsibility?

Because a father is always

the last to know.

My gosh, sisters, they share

pantyhose and bathrooms

and secrets of the heart.

Dad, I just think Nancy was

too ashamed to let

on to anybody.

Really, I mean, we all know

how you feel about

college diplomas.

I mean, you almost had

a spaz att*ck

when David decided to quit.

Oh, no, no, no, David

is a different thing.

I mean, he received

wonderful grades

outstanding marks,

a scholarship.

Why any college

in the country would be happy

to accept David tomorrow.

I'll tell you something, if

the construction business ever

losses it's charm, he may wind

up getting several degrees.

Don't count on it, dad.

Uh, you'd be surprise

what a few years

of hard knocks

can do to a person.

Anyway, I'm not worried

about David.

I'm worried about Nancy.

And Elizabeth, and Tommy,

and Nicholas.

Wait a minute, what do

Elizabeth, and Tommy

and Nicholas have to do with

Nancy copping-out on college?

A family survives

on good examples.

Ah, yes,

the old domino theory.

"If one Bradford falls

the entire clan will crumble."

Oh, dad you don't believe that,

do you?

Eternal vigilance

is the price of sanity.

Before you become a parent

you have to write

that times.

Oh, come on, dad.

Look at us.

I mean, we are not dominos.

We will stay in school.

Oh, well, you better

and if you ever get tempted

just keep an eye on Nancy,

because job hunting is the most

terrifying human endeavor

next to m*llitary combat.

The only thing worse

is unemployment.

Nancy, say's anything

is better than homework.

There's one thing, no work.

Where is everybody?

Tom?

A-Abby, we're here.

Oh, I-I found them.

A few weeks of being battered

around in the rat race

and Nancy will be begging

to get back into college.

Important news everybody,

listen to this.

- Dad, I found a job.

- You what?

(Nancy)

Imagine my second day.

I would've quit college

ages ago if I had've known

how easy it is to enter the

glamorous world of business.

[hammering]

Are you sure that this is

the glamorous world of business?

See, this is the exact

same address

the employment agency

gave me.

Isn't it exciting?

Looks so...industrial.

It looks to me like they

can't pay their bills.

Are you sure you wanna

go through with this?

Of course, daddy,

I mean, it isn't everyone

who gets a job

just dropped in their laps.

I don't know if I want

a daughter of mine

working in this

commercial slum.

Oh, come on, you gotta

let me do it.

The agency has a reputation

to protect.

Willaby Plumbing needs me,

I gave him my word.

Besides, I thought you

raised us never to quit.

Oh, did I?

Well, then what about college?

I didn't quit, daddy.

I flunked.

No, you just

stopped trying.

But you don't have

to stay stopped.

There are ways to get you

back into college.

Forget it.

I'll feel much more at home

out here in

the business world.

Thank you for delivering me.

Tomorrow, I'll take the bus.

[engine whirring]

It's a switchboard, isn't it?

[laughs]

That is % correct.

You know how to work it?

Oh, I've had years of experience

with telephones.

Terrific.

Uh, here's our, uh,

personnel list

and their extension numbers.

You know, the last three girls

memorize it in the morning.

- Three girls?

- Yeah.

You know, some young people

don't wanna work.

I mean, you give them an

opportunity and they abuse it.

Not me, Mr. Willaby.

Not me.

Oh, I could tell that, honey.

You're a class kind of person.

I can see great things

for you here.

Any questions?

Just one.

Could you tell me

where the powder room is?

[whispering]

Sure.

It's over there.

That says "Men."

Well, actually it should

read, "Knock."

See, if you knock and

a man doesn't answer

it's your powder room.

[laughing]

[telephone buzzing]

Willaby Wholesale Plumbing,

good morning.

You'll get

the hang of it, honey.

Maybe, we'll have lunch.

[instrumental music]

[telephone buzzing]

Willaby Wholesale Plumbing,

good morning.

It's tragic.

I mean, it's absolutely tragic.

Do you realize that Nancy

could wind-up

spending her whole life

as a...secretary?

Please, I'm in no mood

for irony.

Right, uh, listen, Dana

would you please shut up

and get some coffee?

Well, of course,

how do you take it?

Black, cream, sugar,

how about a little milk? Okay.

- Oh, excuse me.

- Yeah.

I want to see

Mr. Bradford.

Ray, for Pete's sakes.

Come on in, son.

What are you doing here?

Well, I had some business

in the building

and I thought I'd say hello.

Oh, that's good.

Sit down.

What kind of business?

Oh, with your building

supervisor.

Oh, Lloyd Davis and sons,

maintenance service, huh?

My father and brother.

We do windows.

[laughs]

We service four buildings

on this block and..

...we've been trying to

get The Register's

contract for over a year.

Oh, very good,

well, I'll put in, uh..

recommendation for you,

for what it's worth.

I'd appreciate that,

Mr. Bradford.

But actually I came to ask

you a more personal favor.

Oh.

Is there any extra work

I can do

to help me get an A

in your class?

You mean, like, write a special

report or something?

Oh, anything to boost

my semester's average.

I'm hovering around at ..

Boy, that's pretty

good hovering.

Let me, uh, work out

the requirements

and I'll get back to you.

I'd appreciate it.

- Thanks, Mr. Bradford.

- Okay.

Oh, listen, let me get

something straight.

Now you-you work all day

you attend college at night and

you still get a . average?

No, sometimes I work days,

attend college and work nights.

- I'm really impressed.

- And I'm really tired.

[laughing]

But it's the only way

I can swing it.

Yeah.

See you in class,

Mr. Bradford.

See you, Raymond.

- Bye.

- Bye-bye

- He's quite a fellow.

- Huh, you noticed.

Doesn't seem fair that he has to

work so hard for his education.

Some people want it,

and some people don't.

And that's not fair

to fathers.

[telephone buzzing]

Willaby Wholesale Plumbing.

No, I'm sorry, sir,

Mr. Willaby's line is busy.

Would you please hold?

Thank you.

[sighs]

[knocking on door]

Hello, anybody in there?

[telephone buzzing]

Willaby Wholesale Plumbing.

Oh, it's you.

Still on hold, huh?

Uh, no, I haven't exactly

forgotten you, sir.

Hold on.

Well, I'm sorry, sir, but there

are people who've been calling

who haven't even been

put on hold yet.

[birds chirping]

[door shuts]

Are you really sure

you want these?

This physiology text

was published in .

Well, the human body's changed

very little since .

Besides, it made Dr. Max

very happy to give them to me.

No, he was happy

because he didn't have to pay

to have them hauled

to the dump.

- How'd I get talked into this?

- Very skillfully.

Now, would you please

open up your arms

and I will load them up?

[groans]

Anything else,

oh, omnipotent master?

Yeah, why don't you

talk to Nancy

about going back

to college?

Why me?

Because she'd value

your opinion, David.

I mean, you know exactly

what problems she'll face

without a diploma.

What problems?

Besides being conned

into playing a pack mule?

Don't tell me it's been

easy for you, David.

I've been there helping you

scramble for the rent money.

I've seen you miss out on jobs

and, and I've heard your

best friends put you down.

Is that what you want

for your little sister?

Nancy is entitled

to choose her own future.

It's not just Nancy.

Dad's worried that the

two of you are gonna

start a new family trend.

Did you ever see any trend

agreed on by this family?

'Now you can either

drop the subject'

or get an armload of books

dropped on your toe.

Nancy's got her own style

and people seem to like it.

Besides, she could turn out

to be a business dynamo.

Hey, Bradford,

why did you keep

Lynn Tracy on hold

for minutes?

- Who?

- Only our best customer.

That's who.

He almost cancelled the order.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

Well, sorry isn't enough.

- Here.

- W-what's this?

Your check for

six and a third hours

plus severance.

You're fired.

[sighs]

(Abby)

Did you tell daddy?

- Is he just furious?

- Surprisingly enough.

Uh, daddy couldn't be happier.

Oh, I get it,

you're making me feel guilty

with some kind of

reverse psychology, huh?

Oh, no, Nancy,

I mean it.

I think that your bad experience

at Willaby Plumbing today

was probably the best thing

that could've happened to you.

Well, it didn't feel

that way to me, dad.

But why? I mean,

isn't it obvious to you?

In one short day you learned

how rough it can be

out in the business world

when you don't have skills

or special talents to offer.

Okay, now you learned

that lesson

so now go back to college.

- No, dad.

- Yes.

I can't believe this.

You always taught us

to be fair.

Well, I gave college more

than a year to prove itself.

I think that

the business world

deserves more

than one dumb day!

Excuse me, now that

your expl*si*n is over with

I'm gonna go call

the employment agency.

Well, if that isn't

reverse psychology.

How come I was just reversed?

I hate to say this but, uh..

Well, Tom, maybe Nancy

needs to win

an argument with her father

right now.

- Oh, come on, Abby.

- No, no, no, I'm serious.

I mean, at least

it's a kind of success.

I mean, do you realize that

in the, in the past two days

she's, um, well, she's been

flunked out of college

and she's lost her first job?

Well, then why should she go

right back out there

and get clobbered again?

Couldn't you at least

admire her courage?

I'll remind you of that remark

in a day or so..

...when she's sobbing

her heart out.

Is your refrigerator running?

Well, tell it to

jog around the kitchen.

Hey, guys,

get off the phone.

I was just calling my mother.

- I don't like her to worry.

- Oh, yeah.

Well, do you think

she could worry

for about two more minutes?

I need it for business.

Thank you.

Hm.

Doesn't she realize

there are people in this world

that would give anything

to have a college education?

Hm, college is

not the issue.

What's important is

having Nancy find something

that will give her

a sense of accomplishment.

There's this young man

in my class..

Wait a minute.

That's the answer.

Okay. Well, thanks, anyway.

Yeah, bye.

- We should water them.

- Yeah, right away.

- Yeah.

- Oh, hi, Nance. How'd it go?

- I resigned.

- What?

Well, there's just no future

in wholesale plumbing.

Oh, hello, Ray.

Uh, this is Tom Bradford.

No, I haven't worked out

your extra-credit assignment.

Yeah, but I will.

I-I-I was wondering

if you'd like to come over

to the house tonight

for dinner.

Well, we could discuss

your college career.

I have a feeling that it

might be very inspiring.

- Your dad's still talking.

- Shh.

Last time he found out somebody

was listening in on his calls

we almost got

the phone taken out.

No sweat,

he just hung up.

Alright, next call

Terry Oldham's house.

Right.

- Are your lights burning?

- Then call the fire department.

[laughing]

(Joannie)

'Set another place, Elizabeth.'

(Elizabeth)

'Who's coming to dinner?'

(Joannie)

'Dad just said guest.'

(Tom)

'The only reason I asked

Ray to dinner tonight was'

he's a very hard man

to make an appointment with.

Would you believe

that aside from working

up to hours a day,

he also attends the university?

Really? What kind of work

do you do, Ray?

Oh, my dad, brother and I,

we have a maintenance service

for commercial buildings.

Wow! You have your own

family business?

Mm-hmm.

Isn't that something?

Ray here, he scrubs floors,

washes down walls

'empties wastebaskets'

anything he can do

to help earn him a chance

at going to college.

Well, actually, Mr. Bradford

I mostly supervise

and dispatch the trucks.

We employ over people

for the actual cleaning work.

Hey, that's terrific!

Do you realize

that service industries

are the biggest growth segment

in the economy?

What does that mean?

Oh, that means

Ray here is cleaning up.

[laughing]

How do you feel

about having to work so hard

to go to school, Ray?

That's pretty

obvious, isn't it?

W-w-why do you

say that, Nancy?

Well, it must be

really frustrating.

If you didn't have to worry

about homework and tests

you could concentrate

on your business.

In a year's time you could have

people working for you.

Hey, then you could franchise

and then maybe roll into

some of the really big cities

like LA and Frisco.

That's where the big bucks are.

Tommy, this conversation

is not about you.

(Nancy)

'I really envy you, Ray.'

You're sitting on

a fabulous opportunity.

I just can't see why you're

wasting your time in school.

Well, I don't feel

that way, Nancy.

Raymond obviously feels

that he needs a good education

to fulfill his potential.

That's why

he's staying in college.

Maybe you should

think about that, too.

Oh, I have been

thinking about it.

I have a suggestion.

And I'm sure we all wanna hear

your suggestion, too, Nancy.

Well, you wouldn't have to work

such long hours

if you just hired me

as your assistant.

All those who have

not lost their appetites

may now eat.

Well, are you sure

this is the right thing to do?

I mean, maybe if you let me

talk to her first.

You did talk to her. I talked

to her, Ray Davis talked to her.

Now it's time for Nancy

to do what she's supposed to do.

I don't wanna hear

another word about it.

- Good-bye.

- Bye.

- Are you ready?

- Does it matter?

Yes, it does matter,

young lady.

I'm sticking my neck out

with these people at the college

so that you can get

a second chance.

And the least you can do

is be prepared for it.

All my papers are here.

Alright, now,

do you know who to ask for?

Yes. Ms. Evans,

the assistant registrar.

Now we're getting someplace.

[engine starts]

Alright, Nancy, take this

application for re-instatement

along with this

approval from me

to each of your instructors

with their signature.

After you have them signed,

return them to me

and then I can give you

your new class admittance slips.

- Thank you, Ms. Evans.

- Good luck, Nancy.

I'm sure you can

work this out.

I could tell from the phone

conversation with your father

that he is very much

behind you.

That can mean everything

to a marginal student

like you.

[instrumental music]

Sorry, daddy

I'm not marginal.

I'm not.

Why, Nancy?

In the name

of sweet common sense

whatever possessed you

to just dump your future

in the trash like this?

I just couldn't

go back there, daddy.

School hates me and I hate it.

Oh, so now what happens?

You're gonna go back to some

place like Willaby Plumbing?

That wasn't exactly

a mutual love, you know?

I knew you'd bring that up.

Well, I mean,

we have to face the facts!

I mean, uh,

it's not a party out there.

People are spending

most of their lives

working at something

that they hate!

And even finding underpaid

misery can take months!

Well, I already have a lead

on a real fun job.

Frankly, Nancy, I think

you should stop worrying

about having fun.

Start worrying about

earning money.

It hasn't been easy for me

to pay for your education.

I don't think

that I can afford to have you

sitting around the house

doing nothing.

If you're not gonna

go to school

you have to

support yourself!

I think I can support

myself very well

on a week!

Come on, -year-old girls

don't earn $ a week.

Actually, the ad says

" to ." Read it.

"Go-go dancer?"

I think I have to serve

a few drinks also.

Not my daughter!

Well, you told me

to get a job!

That's not a job!

No daughter of mine is gonna

parade around in public

in half a costume!

That's why it's $

a week, daddy.

You don't wear any costume!

[instrumental music]

I don't believe

that little twerp.

Is this really

Nicholas Bradford?

- Who's this?

- This is the telephone company.

We've had a number of

complaints about you.

Me? Really?

Yes, Mr. Bradford,

that's correct.

According to

our computer monitor

you've been making calls

from this number

and annoying

a great many people.

Do you admit to this crime?

What do we say?

Tell them they got

the wrong number.

- And I'm not even here.

- You got the..

We have recorded your telephone

conversations, Mr. Bradford

and those of your

slimy accomplice.

We have made positive

identification

and I must warn you

that this will be used

as evidence against you

in your trial.

Trial? What trial?

(Tommy)

'I'm glad you asked

that question, Mr. Bradford'

'because now I'm going

to let you talk to the man'

'who'll be making

your arrest.'

Agent Scott of the FBI.

Nicholas Bradford

what you have been doing

is a serious violation

of the Federal

Communications Act.

What if someone's house

caught fire

while you were tying up

their telephone

just to play a joke?

- How would you feel?

- Pretty bad, I guess.

The telephone is not a toy.

If the FBI hears once more

that you're using it

to perpetrate a bad joke

'you'll be subject

to a lengthy prison sentence.'

(David)

'Is that clear to you

and your criminal accomplice?'

- Yes, sir.

- Yes, sir.

Remember..

...the FBI is on your trail.

Wow!

You never told me

we'd get in trouble.

How was I supposed to know

the FBI can't take a joke?

- See you later, Nicholas.

- Where are you going?

Don't ask. I'm on the lam

till it heats off.

On the lam?

[door shuts]

I don't understand,

I mean you act

like it doesn't

really matter if Nancy

has a college education

and you're a teacher.

Teachers meet lots of

young people like Nancy.

They're bright, they're

personable and they're ambitious

and they, and they need

some place other than college

to help them find themselves.

And they do, too,

millions of them

like your own son, David,

for example.

Why does everybody in this house

always bring up David?

Oh, Tom, a college degree

is not, is not magic.

It's not a, a lifetime ticket

to success, you know?

No, but I'd rather

see Nancy

out job hunting

with a diploma

than dancing

without a costume.

Oh..

Well, maybe if we really

put our heads together

we can find something

that will make you both proud.

You know, Abby,

you missed the whole point.

I mean, when I accepted

the responsibility

of bringing eight children

into this world

I pledged that each child

would have every advantage

that a father could provide

within reason.

And reason dictated

a college education.

And that's very commendable

of you, Tom, it really is

but that was your pledge.

I mean, did you consult Nancy?

Was she even born

when you made it?

[door opens]

I'm sorry to interrupt ya

but Ray Davis is here

to see you.

Oh, why now?

I've been too busy

with Nancy's problem

to think about

his extra-credit homework.

Tell him I'll bring it to him

tomorrow night.

I think you should

see him, Tom.

Frankly, Abby, I-I find it

very hard at this moment

to face an ambitious student.

It makes me wonder where

I've gone wrong as a father.

But don't go wrong

as a teacher.

See him.

[door opens]

[door shuts]

Ray, I-I'm terribly sorry

but I haven't done any more

on that extra-credit assignment.

That's alright,

Mr. Bradford.

It's not important.

Oh, sure, keeping up

a . average

is really important.

I mean, students like you

are very rare these days.

Well, I guess they're

getting rarer, Mr. Bradford.

I'm afraid I'm dropping out

of the university.

[door opens]

- Here's a fresh towel, Nancy.

- Thanks.

I'll never find a job

looking like this.

Yes, you will.

You can be a professional

crier at weddings.

Oh, what if daddy's right?

What if I never find

a decent job?

Well, maybe you better take

another look at marriage.

To one of those creeps

I've been dating? No, thanks.

Well, maybe you better find

a better class of creeps.

Susan, at a time like this

who wants to support

a husband?

[all laughing]

Ray, I'm sorry that I

brought you over here.

I had no idea that my daughter,

Nancy, was so persuasive.

But you can't quit college,

you just can't quit.

I'm afraid I have to

and it has nothing to do

with Nancy.

It's my parents.

They insist I drop out.

Why would any parent

insist on a thing like that?

My brother's hurt his back

and they need me

to take over his job.

In my family..

...the business

comes first.

Well, can't you come back

to school when he gets well?

Who knows?

You see, my dad

he's done very well

without a diploma.

He says there's a great business

with my name on it.

So why do I need it

on a piece of paper?

I don't know, he..

He just doesn't understand,

Mr. Bradford.

- Could you talk to him?

- Me?

Oh, gosh, I don't..

Do you think

I would do any good?

You're my teacher.

I gotta keep remembering that.

If I give him the same father

speech I've using on Nancy..

...you'll never

get back to school.

- Oh, uh, Mr. Lloyd Davis?

- That's right.

Oh, hi.

I'm Tom Bradford.

I think Raymond made

an appointment for us.

You and Ray

may call it that.

Frankly, I see it

as a waste of time.

We've ten minutes

to get to that next client.

- So hurry up.

- I certainly hope it isn't.

Is there someplace

that we could go and talk?

Uh, Ray may have told you that

we're shorthanded

around here these days.

Make sure you have

everything you need.

I can give you

five minutes.

Five minutes to discuss

your son's total future?

Help Marvin load the truck.

Okay.

Tell me about Ray's future.

Well, uh, I think that he has

an outstanding future

in journalism.

And speaking as his teacher

I think that he should

really stay in college.

After all,

that's what Ray wants.

Can you promise him a job

when he graduates?

Well, no, of course not,

I, uh..

But I'll tell you one thing,

Mr. Davis.

I'd very proud to help him

find one when he gets out

but that's three years

from now.

In three years,

we'd be a $-million company

and Ray will be

all set for life.

Not the life he wants.

But a lot better life

than I ever had.

Look around you,

Mr. Bradford.

I started with one broom.

Now I got ten trucks.

And I own this building.

I'm very impressed,

I really am, I mean that.

But you're asking him

to throw it all away

to go traipsing off

to God knows where

just as if his family

doesn't exist

and this business

doesn't exist.

Correction. He's asking.

Because he's young

because he doesn't realize

what it takes

to build something like this.

I need his help,

I can't let this business die.

I built it for my sons.

That's your dream, Mr. Davis.

- Has Ray even been consulted?

- What?

As someone asked me

a very short time ago

was he even born

when you got the idea?

What difference

does that make?

The difference is seeing

our children as they really are

or as the way

we want them to be.

What I don't see

is the point of all of this.

I didn't either

the first time I heard it.

What?

We better postpone this meeting,

Mr. Davis.

My ears can't believe

what my mouth is saying.

[instrumental music]

Nancy, is there anything wrong

with being a supermarket

bagging person?

I mean, all's you do

is put something in

instead of take it out.

You mean I'm too dense

to do something else?

- Tommy was joking!

- Tommy was serious.

Is there a law against

trying to help?

Well, then let me

put it this way.

Tommy's serious suggestion

is totally laughable.

to qualify for manual labor.

We're gonna find you

something you'll be proud of.

Forget it, Abby,

I don't belong in this world.

First, I flunk out

of college

then I flunk out

of life.

I don't belong

in this century.

Oh, Nancy,

it's not such a bad century.

I mean, considering the fact

that it's totally confusing

and extremely complicated.

That's for sure.

Daddy, please don't give me

another lecture

on how right you were.

But I was right,

but for the wrong person

and being right

for the wrong person

is as wrong as being wrong

for the right person. Uh..

Oh, never mind.

Here.

- What's this?

- Read it.

"Zimmerman, Miller,

Ackerman and Sanchez?"

Yes, the third one over

from the left.

That's Greg Maxwell's lawyer.

Call 'em.

Daddy, you can't legally force

me to go back to college.

Now, just listen, young lady.

This would be

a much better world

if people would only listen.

Particularly when

they're thinking of things

that they refuse

to listen to.

Now, this Mr. Ackerman's looking

for a nice, young receptionist.

Apply for the job.

You're playing

some kind of trick.

No, it's no trick,

I'm just trying to bring up

my failing grades

in fatherhood, so help me.

- Send him a resume.

- You mean it, daddy?

You're really trying

to help me get a job?

Well, if you'd be

interested in, uh

beautiful offices

handsome junior partners

enough pay to keep

even you in blouses.

I can't believe it.

You're actually helping me?

Well, it might help

if you tell Mr. Ackerman

that you're

Tom Bradford's daughter.

Tom Bradford's daughter?

Yeah.

And whatever happens tomorrow..

...that's a permanent position.

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chattering]

Um, you might change that.

Abby, read this report

and tell me

if I graded it fairly?

- B plus.

- B plus?

I thought it sure deserved

an A.

Oh, it does deserve an A,

but, uh

your marginal comments

deserve B plus.

Oh, don't mention it

to Ray Davis

or he might transfer

to another teacher.

Is Ray back in school?

Yeah, your dad gets A

in persuasion.

No, in cribbing. It was

your speech I gave his father.

My speech?

Huh, how much do you

really have to know

to program a computer?

I thought you were happy

in the lawyer's office?

Just looking

to the future, dad.

Advancement's been

pretty slow.

Oh, well, advancement

is usually pretty slow

after only four days.

[telephone ringing]

I'll get it.

Hello?

Oh, very funny.

- Who was that?

- Oh, just a dumb prank call.

I think I'll go call Irving.

I haven't seen Irving around

for a while.

Well, I think he's back.

[theme music]

[music continues]