Hey, Tommy,
I'm doin' a school report.
Can I ask you some questions?
Sure, sh**t.
Alright, where do
pilgrims come from?
Mm...England, .
.
Alright, where's Plymouth Rock?
It's in, uh, Massachusetts.
Massachusetts.
M-A-S..
- You really are smart, huh?
- Yeah.
Well, if you are so smart
how come you're using
Mary's deodorant on your hair?
[instrumental music]
Deodorant?
Nah, it cant be.
[sighs]
Well, at least
my head won't smell.
[instrumental music]
[theme song]
♪ There's a magic
in the early morning ♪
♪ We found ♪
♪ When the sunrise
smiles on everything ♪
♪ Around ♪
♪ It's a portrait
of the happiness ♪
♪ That we feel and always will ♪
♪ For eight is enough ♪
♪ To fill our lives with love ♪
♪ Oh we spend our days ♪
♪ Like bright and shiny
new dimes ♪
♪ If we're ever puzzled ♪
♪ By the changing times ♪
♪ There's a plate
of homemade wishes ♪
♪ On the kitchen window sill ♪
♪ And eight is enough ♪
♪ To fill our lives with love ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Mom, that's wonderful!
No, that's great!
I'm so glad you're coming.
Well, of course!
Tom will be thrilled.
Oh, thrilled about what?
'Alright, okay,
so we-we'll see you then.'
- See whom?
- 'I miss you, mom. I love you.'
'I-I cant wait to see
both of you tomorrow.'
'Right, buh-bye.'
- Abby, what?
- Now, Tom.
Tom, I know
what you're going to say
but I haven't seen my parents
for a really long time.
I know.
And they're flying in
from Pasadena
for Thanksgiving dinner.
Isn't that great?
Oh, yeah, that's wonderful.
But I mean, if they're
coming for Thanksgiving
that isn't until Thursday.
Why are they
flying down tomorrow?
Because they've got
friends in the city
and they've got
socializing to do.
Tom, Thanksgiving is a time
to be with the people I love
and that means you,
and that means the kids
and that means my folks.
Okay, okay, just that
I wish we could
discuss these things first.
I didn't think
you'd like the idea.
Oh, how can you
possibly say that?
Oh, come on,
things will work out fine!
They're not even gonna
stay with us.
They're checking into a hotel.
You've got your racquetball
game with Maxwell, right?
And I've gotta get to the market
to get a good turkey.
[instrumental music]
Why? The turkeys
are flying out from Pasadena.
I heard that.
[doorbell ringing]
[instrumental music]
Alright, alright, I'm comin'!
Well, hello, son.
Is, uh, your father home?
Oh, no. He's at the rackets.
'Oh, is your mother home?'
No, Abby's out hunting turkey.
Well, I have
a registered letter here
for a Mr. Nicholas Bradford.
'Is there anyone home
who could accept it for him?'
Sure. I'm Nicholas Bradford.
You are?
Well, would anyone say
their name is Nicholas
if it really wasn't?
I see what you mean.
Well, here you are.
'Mr. Bradford,
you just sign right there.'
Would you, uh, like any help?
Oh, no, thanks.
- There you go.
- 'And there you go.'
Is it now you put out your hand
and I'm supposed
to give you the money?
No, that's alright.
Uh, postal employees
don't take tips.
What a relief.
'Alright, thanks.'
You're welcome. See ya.
[instrumental music]
Oh, boy, I cant believe it!
Hey! Someone, anybody, look!
I don't wanna hear
any excuses, Cory.
I know when I'm being stood up.
Elizabeth, look!
Oh, I don't know why
you even bothered to call
but since you did,
just let me tell you
that I wouldn't go out with you
if you were
the last creep on Earth.
Elizabeth, guess what?
Does it look like I'm in
the mood for guessing games?
- Mary!
- What?
I gotta tell you somethin'.
Look, Nicholas, I've gotta
study for an exam, okay?
- Why don't you go tell dad?
- He's gone!
- Well, then try Abby, okay?
- She's gone.
Is it a matter of life or death?
- No.
- Good.
Then it'll wait.
[instrumental music]
Phew.
Oh, howdy, pal.
I see you have an eye
for opportunity.
Uh-huh. Thanks.
That little classic there
is fully depreciated
and totally underpriced.
You wanna get her now before
inflation doubles the value?
Oh, well, I-I really don't have
all the money right now.
Oh, that's what I thought.
Look, sonny, look,
why don't you go find yourself
a nice used skateboard?
Hey, hey, wait, wait a minute.
I-I can give you a $ deposit.
Will that hold it
until the end of the week?
Well, now.
I don't usually
do business like that.
Can you have the balance
to pay me by Friday?
Uh, yeah, sure. No problem.
Remember, I don't do this kinda
thing for just any old body.
Oh, you won't be sorry.
I promise.
I really appreciate this.
Thank you.
Shake.
I mean, Abby, what does he think
that I'm not good enough
for him?
- No.
- No, really.
This is the second date in a row
Cory Larson has broken.
- Abby, look at this.
- Just a second, Nicholas.
(Abby)
'Look, Elizabeth, all I'm trying
to say is that maybe he--'
But, Abby..
Will you please
stop interrupting?
Would you both just calm down?
Nicholas, there are
two more bags in the car.
'Would you go get 'em, please?'
But, Abby..
It'll be your turn in a minute.
Now, scoot.
I don't think
you should be so hard on him.
I'm sorry, it's just
that I'm really upset.
I don't blame ya,
I mean, having two dates
broken in a row
is not so pleasant
but maybe he had a reason.
Oh, he had a reason, alright.
I know why Cory
doesn't wanna go out with me.
Why?
[sighs]
It's my nose.
I beg your pardon?
My nose!
Look at it, it's horrible.
I look like
some kind of a freak!
Abby it doesn't belong
on my face!
That's the most ridiculous thing
I've ever heard.
You have a beautiful nose.
I should've known
you wouldn't understand.
Nose?
(Nicholas)
Help! Help!
Oh, wait.
I got it, I got it. Here.
[laughs]
Oh, oh, boy, I tell you
I have just
successfully completed
the worst game of racquetball
I ever played in my life.
Tom, come here, sit down.
Sit down.
Gee, dad, am I glad to see you.
- Oh.
- See this letter?
Oh, yeah.
I'll look at it later, Nicholas.
You know what,
I guess when you told me
that your parents were coming
to here to visit
I think it threw off my back
as well as my game.
- Very funny.
- Hm. Will you--
- Does this hurt?
- Ow!
Only when I breathe.
Are you kidding?
Maybe you should go upstairs and
start breathing until dinner.
Yeah, I don't mind doing that
if I could do it
in a nice hot tub.
- Ow.
- Dad!
- Guess what?
- Not now, Nicholas.
My [indistinct] is sprained
as well as my sacroiliac.
But..
[instrumental music]
(Tom)
'Oh!'
[sighs]
Oh..
Dad, can I talk to you?
Oh, yeah, sure. Come on in.
[Tom groans]
[groans]
Dad, I've reached
a very important point
in my life.
- Oh, really? Again?
- Come on, this is serious.
Oh, I'm sorry. Go on.
Well, have you ever wanted
to improve yourself?
Oh, yes, and..
In fact,
right now I'm trying very hard
to improve my spinal cord.
Well, I wanna improve
the way I look.
Oh? Oh, uh..
You mean, uh,
diet, hairdo, new dress?
No, none of those.
Well, then let me guess,
let me guess.
Uh, fake fingernails.
Eye shadow.
Uh...new shows
with heels so high
that you need oxygen to breathe.
My problem is much more serious.
Oh, oh, well,
it cant be anymore serious
than some of those
I've experienced
with your four sisters.
They're always searching
for that new look.
That's why I've developed
The Bradford Policy
for the changing
of female appearance.
I've never heard of it.
Really? Well, then listen.
If you can pay for it,
you can change it!
If I can pay for it.
That seems to be your policy
about everything.
- Ah, you're learning fast.
- Gee, thanks, dad.
[sighs]
It's alright, any time.
That's what I'm here for. What?
[instrumental music]
[door shuts]
[knocking on door]
- Hi.
- Briggs, ma'am. Capital Envoy.
I have a communique
for Mr. Thomas Bradford
father of Nicholas Bradford.
Uh, well, I'll accept it.
I'm Mrs. Bradford,
wife of Thomas Bradford.
Thank you.
Look, Abby,
I'm practically walking upright.
Do you think you feel strong
enough to open an envelope?
This just came
from a government courier.
Oh, well, it must be
a press invitation
to one of those
fancy-schmancy dinner parties
at the state capital.
Then why did he mention
Nicholas?
- Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
Well, I better sit down.
What? Oh, no.
- This must be a mistake.
- 'Well, what is it?'
This from the vice president
of the United States
'uh, from Washington DC!'
He says that he is happy
to accept our invitation
for Thanksgiving dinner.
He'll be here on Thursday!
[instrumental music]
[instrumental music]
Nicholas, w-will you
run that by me one more time?
[sighs]
Alright, well
our class had to write letters
to someone in the government
to get answers back
for our report.
Well, um,
but I still don't understand.
I mean, how,
how did you end up inviting
the vice president
to Thanksgiving dinner?
- Yeah.
- To get an answer!
Well, I figured he'd have
to write back either yes or no.
Duh, why in the world
would he answer yes?
- Free meal?
- 'I know, it's weird.'
Now, just relax. This has gotta
be some sort of hoax.
No, no, it is not a hoax.
I just called Washington,
and they confirmed it.
It seems that the vice president
is coming here
for a governor's conference.
One of his aides showed him
Nicholas' letter.
'He thought it was cute.'
I didn't think it was cute.
No, no, let me finish,
will you, please?
You know how big
this administration is
with keeping in touch
with the grass roots?
Well, he figured
what better way than to have
Thanksgiving dinner
with an average American family.
[chuckles]
Somebody thinks we're average.
Well, then, you mean,
the vice president
really is coming?
(Abby)
'Yes, with his wife.'
Oh, excuse me.
(Abby)
'Uh, will the dining room
hold people?'
No, there's just ten, right
and the two of them is twelve.
I hate to remind you this time
because I know
it's painful to you
but my parents will be here,
if you recall.
[gasps]
Oh, right, of course.
- 'Mm hmm.'
- Hm, sounds cozy.
No, cozy is not really the word.
How about stimulating?
How about treacherous?
Hey, Harvey.
Yeah, it's Tommy Bradford.
Look, what would you say
if I could guarantee you
a personally autographed
picture of you
standing by the vice president
of the United States?
Hey, don't say two
say five!
Payable in advance.
Hey, you are buying
a hunk of history.
You know, I was thinking
this might be a good time
to just give the house
a once-over likely.
Can we get it done by Thursday?
Well, I mean, minor repairs
like, fix a leaky faucet
a little paint here and there.
Hm.
I didn't know you were so
anxious to impress my parents.
Oh, please, I'll never
impress your parents.
Someday they might
move me up to hopeless.
Why don't you
give them a chance?
Maybe they'd give you a chance.
- Fat chance.
- Hm.
[garbage disposal whirring]
Oh, God!
Can we ask David to get
the disposal off its deathbed?
You mean, in case the
vice president wants to use it?
Oh, no, in case
it decides to flood the house
in the middle of dinner.
[laughs]
[instrumental music]
Hey, Elizabeth,
I'm returning your brush.
[blinds open]
Hey, rise and shine, cute stuff.
It's beautiful outside.
[sighs]
So what if
the vice president's coming?
It doesn't solve my problem.
[scoffs]
Hey, hey.
What problem?
Ha! It's obvious, isn't it?
I need a new nose!
[laughs]
'Oh, Elizabeth.'
You're silly.
You need to..
Your nose is terrific.
Your lyin'.
Look me in the nose
and say that.
I am looking you in the nose.
Alright, lemme see
what are you talkin' about.
Tsk. Your nose is nice.
It-it's, look, it's graceful
it's, it's not obtrusive.
What do you want?
- It's got lots of character.
- Oh, character.
Now that's a nice word
for wrinkles and bumps.
Cory Larson
has stood me up twice
because my nose has
enough character for an army.
Oh, Elizabeth.
It's not that tragic.
You have the Bradford nose.
No, no, no,
I have the Bradford elbow
and it grew
in the middle of my face.
[laughs]
Tsk. Okay.
How do you want
your nose to look?
Perfect.
Tsk. Alright.
I'll see what I can do.
Now, come on.
- Oh, dear.
- 'Come on.'
[birds chirping]
Oh, boy.
Damn the torpedoes
and full speed ahead.
Those aren't torpedoes,
those are Abby's parents.
That's what you think.
- Hello, Tom.
- 'Hi there. Welcome.'
- Thank you. How are you?
- All good. Happy Thanksgiving.
- Thank you.
- Ah, well, Tom.
I see you're looking
as fit as usual.
Nicholas, you're growing
like a bean stalk.
I can't help I'm growing.
Harry, why don't you and Tom
make yourselves
comfortable in the study?
Abby and I have a lot
of catching up to do.
Ah, yes, the study,
that dark little room
where Tom does his scribbling.
Uh, right this way, Harry.
How is the scribbling
these days, Tom?
Oh, well, I'm still
working for the Register.
Oh, don't you worry, Tom.
Katherine and I have
the utmost confidence in you.
Someday the right thing
will come along and..
Well, how are you?
[chuckles]
I know how fast
everything changes
with a house full of children.
So tell me all the news.
Well, there is some news,
that's for sure.
- Is everything alright?
- Oh, fine.
I-it's just that Nicholas
has done something very, um..
...unusual.
Oh?
Yeah, mom, uh, Nicholas invited
the vice president of
the United States to our house
for Thanksgiving dinner.
[chuckles]
How adorable!
He accepted.
How unfortunate.
(Tom)
'Harry, are you, are you okay?'
My, my!
The vice president you say?
That's right.
Was Nicholas aware
of the man's party affiliation?
Well, I doubt it.
I mean, have you ever
tried to explain politics
to a nine year old?
Hopscotch is a lot easier.
Yes, uh..
I suppose
he didn't know any better.
Uh, T-Thomas, I normally
don't do this before p.m.
but, uh..
...in light of your announcement
could I trouble you
for a, a medicinal bourbon?
Oh, sure.
Coming right up.
Uh..
Anything, uh, else?
Yes, uh, Thomas, I..
I would like your scared word
as a gentleman
that we never mention this
in Pasadena.
Forty eight, forty nine, fifty.
Right on the nose,
now, if you step this way
I'll make out your receipt.
Remember, boy
the balance is due
no later than Friday
'cause we're
movin' 'em out fast.
Why, they're sellin'
like hotcakes.
Yeah, well, uh
what I'm sellin'
moves faster than hotcakes.
Okay.
Well, this will certainly be
an unusual event.
But that's just the point.
Tom and I don't want it
to be an event.
We don't want it
to interfere in any way
with our
traditional Thanksgiving.
Well, you know, It might not be
as unfortunate
as I first imagined.
Oh, well, I'm glad
to hear that, Harry.
Well, it's an opportunity,
actually.
Somebody has
to straighten Washington out
about the capital gains tax,
for starters.
You know, Harry, maybe
you oughta forget politics.
After all,
this is the vice president
of the country.
Dear, uh,
still no downstairs bathroom?
(Abby)
'Upstairs and to the left.'
Alright. Excuse me.
- Of course, my dear.
- Hm.
Uh, Thomas.
Come to think of it,
you know
you never have, uh, uh
told me your party affiliation.
Oh, well, uh, I was never
really a party man, Harry.
I always preferred
a nice, quiet dinner with Abby.
(Harry)
'Well, what do you think
we should do'
about this capital gain tax?
Collect it.
(Joannie)
Yeah, come in.
- Hey, Joannie.
- Hi, Kath..
Katherine?
(Katherine)
'Elizabeth.'
Yeah, it's me.
Yeah, w-well,
we were experimenting
with a little makeup to see
if we could make
'Elizabeth's nose
look more like she wants it to.'
'What do you think?'
Hm, I'll have to think about it.
Yeah, okay.
Well, Elizabeth, look, we'll
try it again tomorrow, alright?
Um, look, I gotta change
for dress rehearsal
but if you take
a little bit of this powder
and you blend it all together
I'm sure
you'll really love it, okay?
I'll see you downstairs.
Good to see ya.
Thanks.
Oh!
What is this all about,
Elizabeth?
It's really kinda complicated.
- Thanks.
- Try me.
Well, I need my nose fixed,
and makeup isn't workin'.
Fixed?
Oh, I-I understand what you mean
uh, uh, rhinoplasty.
Rhinoplasty?
Well, that's what
the plastic surgeons call it.
Well, that's what I'm gonna do.
I see.
Have-have you talked to your
father and Abby about it?
Dad says I can change
anything I want
If I have the money.
Rhinoplasty is expensive,
you know?
Yeah, that's what I've heard
but after this, believe me
as soon as I can save the money,
I'm gonna have it done.
You're really sure
you wanna
change your nose permanently?
Absolutely.
Well..
Would you let
your Grandma Katherine
give you
an early Christmas present
something in the order of money
for a rhinoplasty?
Really, Katherine?
Grandma Katherine.
- It's true.
- Grandma.
(Tom)
'Oh..'
Come on, stay there,
will you, for Pete's sakes?
Hi, dad.
Oh, boy, am I glad to see you!
Well, you almost didn't.
I was heading for Squaw Valley.
How's it coming?
Here, try this.
Oh, it's just lousy.
This flange is all jammed.
Oh, there's nothing worse
than a jammed flange
unless, of course,
it's an interrupted ski trip.
Go ahead and joke.
Next thing you know
we'll be fixing
'wobbly dining room chairs.'
Uh-oh, I can see.
The slopes will have to wait.
Here, let me look.
[groans]
Are you sure the vice president
deserves a new garbage disposal?
Oh, oh, have you been talking
to Abby's parents?
[laughs]
Well, listen, here.
- Try this.
- No, dad, not there!
- Ow!
- Oh.
Oh, oh. Wow!
Alright, now.
Here.
Alright, Nicholas,
this is called
addressing the ball.
There now.
One hand like this. That's it.
When does this get easier?
Never, but it's
very good for business.
You know any games
that are good for fun?
[humming]
Hey, I see you after rehearsal,
hey, Nancy?
- Joannie?
- Hey.
- Hey, what are you doing? Wait.
- Well.
It's my contribution
to the vice presidential visit.
- Yeah.
- I'm potting plants!
- I know. Nancy!
- Oh, no! No!
Actually, I'm re-potting plants.
Oh, Nancy, look. Oh!
- He's in shock, the poor thing!
- He's dead!
Oh, no, no, no, don't say that.
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
♪ For he's a jolly good.. ♪
Go get the vacuum cleaner.
Okay, alright, but sing to him.
Sing to him, it's first aid.
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
♪ For he's
a jolly good fellow ♪♪
- Where?
- Yucatan.
Dr. Williamson says
it's one of the, uh
oldest specimen of Mayan
brain surgery he's ever seen.
I wonder what they used
for anesthesia.
Probably one of Grandpa Harry's
political opinions.
[doorbell ringing]
Oh, oh, I'll get it,
I'll get it.
- Hold on.
- If it's Cory, I'm not home!
Okay.
Uh, it isn't, and I got it.
What do you want?
I'm here to see
Mr. Thomas Bradford Sr.
(Susan)
'Oh, well, come on in.
I'll get him.'
- 'Oh, yeah.'
- Dad, it's for you!
Alright, now, Nicholas,
take four!
What happened
to one, two, three?
- Yes?
- Mr. Bradford?
I'm Ray Cooper,
office of the vice president.
(Nicholas)
Four!
[screaming]
[Harry laughing]
Good work!
Nicholas, I'll make
a republican out of you, yes.
I understand
you're our designated
average American family.
I think we need to talk.
[instrumental music]
[instrumental music]
Uh, a-as you can see, Mr. Cooper
we weren't expecting
the vice president
to send an advance man.
Precisely, Mr. Bradford,
that's why I always insist
on making a surprise inspection.
That way I can tell
exactly what needs correcting.
Correcting?
[blows]
In four days
every family in America
will be watching the Bradfords
wondering what it's like to have
the vice president
of the United States
spend the most American
of all holidays
with a typical American family.
Well, what makes you think we're
the typical all-American family?
Hm, you will be on Thursday.
[instrumental music]
Well, you were
loads of help today, you know?
- What's with you?
- Nothing.
- Nothing?
- Well, I sort of bought a car.
Huh, what did dad sort of say?
Well, I wanted to surprise him.
It's my big chance to prove
that I really can make
a business deal.
'Would you sign
the registration slip?'
- Me?
- Oh.
I'd do the same for you
if I was the legal adult
and you were
the deprived juvenile.
I'll think about it.
Well, that's nice. Now the press
corps will be able to find us.
Uh, is that your van there,
Tommy?
That's my van, but I'm David.
[sighs]
That's David's van.
Why? You want me to wash it?
No, I was just thinking
how nice it would be
if it was
an American-made vehicle
rather than
one of those foreign imports.
Now, what's wrong with imports?
You are familiar with our
balance-of-payments problem?
Mr. Cooper, you may have
a balance of payments.
All my payments are made
that's why I'm driving the van.
Well, how about putting,
uh, "I love America"
on the rear bumper?
I'll think about it.
Hey, don't forget what
you were thinkin' about first.
You got a pretty independent
brother there, Tommy.
No, I'm Nicholas.
The blonde is Nicholas.
Then it will be a tight fit
for the of you
but if you put the flags
in the northeast corner, then--
- Flags in the dinning room?
- We don't have any flags.
We don't even have
red, white and blue napkins.
Order flags
and red, white and blue napkins.
Now, if you don't mind,
I'd like to check the kitchen.
Oh, here, let me
do that for you, it sticks.
[gasps]
Oh.
[clears throat]
David and I will have this fixed
before Thanksgiving.
Mr. Bradford, do you belong
to a building trades union?
No, no, I don't, but David does.
Then I suggest
you let David fix it.
The last thing we need is
a picket line in the front lawn.
A picket line in the front lawn?
My favorite
Bradford Thanksgiving tradition.
'Look, Mr. Cooper,
I think we better have a talk.'
I mean, first of all,
you want me to rearrange
all the downstairs furniture
to provide crowd flow
and media access.
'You want me
to put a tap on the telephone'
for security purposes.
You want my boys
to have haircuts
flags in the dinning room
and a change of menus!
I seriously question
the destructive nature
of these suggestions.
Mr. Bradford, these suggestions
and there will be more to follow
'are made
with one thing in mind.'
Yes, the inconvenience
of this family.
No, the normalization
of this family.
This family is as normal
as any other family
with eight children!
Precisely, Mr. Bradford,
eight children
'which poses
my most difficult challenge.'
Most Americans identify
with a typical family
of . children.
Well, would you like us
to drown
. of our children
by Thanksgiving?
Mrs. Bradford,
this is a serious matter.
(Tom)
'We are serious.'
I mean, if the vice president
can put up with the US Senate
he should be able to put up
with this family, right?
Fortunately, Mr. Bradford
I have . days
to rectify the situation.
Excuse me.
[whimpering]
- Kevin's watching.
- Right.
I'm too busy to play janitor.
You want the vice president
to think we're messy?
We are, besides,
I've got phone calls to make.
You heard Mr. Cooper.
We gotta pass induction.
Inspection,
and he is treating us
like a bunch of Marines.
Yeah, and isn't it great?
Yeah, well,
if you like it so much
you can play Marine
on my side of the room!
Really?
Yeah, we're brothers, aren't we?
Yeah! Oh, no.
I don't wanna spoil your fun.
It's alright.
Well, take turn
with the vacuum, guys.
Make it beautiful.
What good is a beautiful room
when you're stuck
with a ugly nose?
Elizabeth, have you ever thought
that maybe what you're going
through is, is just a phase?
Uh, you see this tooth out here?
When I was your age, I-I mean,
I couldn't stand it, you know
and-and now it's right up there
amongst my favorites.
You're makin' fun of me.
Just because
I'm trying to get you
out of a very stupid idea?
Look, Mary's right, you know?
Do you remember Judy Tompkins?
She wanted to have
this itty-bitty bump
taken off her nose.
Well, she had such a bob job
her glasses
won't even stay on her face.
That's just because
she went to the wrong doctor.
Yeah, well, there happened
to be a lot of wrong doctors
in cosmetic surgery.
And do you know
what they charge?
The money is no problem.
Oh, excuse me.
Uh, did you happen
to inherit an estate
'that the rest of us
don't know about?'
No, Grandma Katherine said
she would pay for it.
Grandma Katherine?
You mean, Abby's mother?
Does dad know about this?
Not exactly.
I just am waiting
for the right time to tell him.
Considering the way
dad feels about Abby's parents
I would say the right time
is the st century.
I can handle dad.
Oh, no,
not your nose, Elizabeth.
- I like it.
- I hate it.
It was my mother's nose.
What difference does that make?
Well, i-it's the badge
of being Bradford.
I mean, somehow it's always made
me feel especially close to you.
It makes me feel ugly
and that's why
I want the operation.
Do you realize
how painful it could be
'a-and how much school
you might miss?'
Dad, the pain doesn't matter.
Besides how can I be in school
lookin' like this?
You look beautiful.
You're just sayin' that because
you're worried about the money.
'Well, yeah, do you realize'
'what kind of money
you're talking about?'
I mean, plastic surgeons
are richer than proctologists.
It won't cost you a cent, daddy
because Grandma Katherine
has offered to pay for it.
- Grandma who?
- 'Abby's mother.'
You mean to say
you've discussed this with her
before discussing it with me?
Yes, because she understands!
No, on the contrary,
she does not understand.
This is a family matter
and this family
will not demean itself
by accepting charity.
'We pay our own way.'
Does that mean
you'll pay for my new nose?
Right now I have
a more serious operation
to talk over with Abby
some excessive meddling
that has to be removed.
(Abby)
'Tom!'
You wait right here.
Abby, there's something
very serious
that I wanna talk to you about.
Not now, Thomas,
your publisher, Mr. Randolph.
[clears throat]
Yes, Mr. Randolph.
'Uh, no, that's right,
Mr. Randolph.'
You heard right.
The vice president, I know.
Uh, do a column?
Yeah, I might do a column.
Well, those weren't exactly
my ideas
but we'll talk about it
but I can't promise you
anything, Mr. Randolph.
'Goodbye now.'
What does he wanna do? Dictate
your column to you again?
Well, let's say he wants me
to spend my holidays
writing his ideas.
I tell you, this whole thing
has gotten out of hand!
'That Mr. Cooper wants us
to redo my whole house'
and redo the children,
and your father
he wants to have a political
revolution in my dinning room
and your mother..
Alright.
Let's discuss later
what your mother wants to do
but, uh, I-I feel
that we've lost control!
- I know.
- You know?
Well, should we just
call the whole thing off?
Do you think we could?
No, I mean, how do you tell
the vice president
of the United States
that he's not welcome
for Thanksgiving dinner?
[instrumental music]
Alright, thanks, Dennis.
Now, your photo session
with the vice president
will be
at exactly : tomorrow.
And be here
at least minutes early
and wait in the backyard, okay?
Alright.
Oh, my car money.
Hello, David, it's me.
Yeah, have you decided
to sign for my car yet?
Oh, great,
because I'm read to buy.
Okay, yeah, I'll be right over
and we can go from there
to the car lot.
Oh, David, I really
appreciate this. Thanks.
Ah, Nicholas, there you are.
How about joining me
for a little briefing session?
It's, uh,
H hour minus , you know?
Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Cooper
but I've a very important
meeting with Tommy.
But, Nicholas, come back here!
- I am back here.
- What?
Excuse me, Mr. Cooper.
We're leaving.
- You guys, come on!
- Goodbye, Mr. Cooper.
Girls, where are you going?
We're having a briefing.
Um, we're gonna, we gotta get
to the library before it closes.
But I have to rehearse
the reception line.
Oh, well,
what's there to rehearse?
Girls,
this is the first impression
you'll make
on the vice president
and I want it to be
neat and orderly.
Now, I suggest you line up
according to height.
Oh, terrific, just like
"The Sound Of Music."
But then I'll be
way in the back!
Alright, then let's do it
according to age.
Great, then I'll never see
the vice president.
Let's just do it
alphabetically, okay?
How? We're all Bs.
Ah, you work it out.
Come on, you guys.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Uh, Mr. Cooper, you know..
...if you could only
break down and smile..
Nope. It'll never happen.
Well, I don't have
an appointment, Mr. Cooper
so you can organize me.
I'm not sure it's possible
for the United States government
to organize even one Bradford.
(Abby)
'It's just that Tom thought
it would be easier all around'
if you and I talk privately.
Harry always made me
do the dirty work
with my mother.
I finally decided
it wasn't easier all around.
It was just easier on Harry.
Tom and I just wanna be certain
that Elizabeth is really sure
about this whole thing.
She sounded so positive.
'Yeah, but, mom, that's today.'
I mean, I have a feeling
that as, as soon as
she has something else
to worry about
she'll forget
this whole nose crisis.
What if she doesn't?
Well, then we'll just have
to handle that ourselves
within the family.
Among the Bradfords.
Hey, look, mom
remember how you raised
your family?
I mean, you wouldn't let anybody
influence your children.
I was just trying to help.
Yeah, I know.
I guess there is a fine line
between trying to help
and butting in.
Oh, mother.
[chuckles]
Hey, um, right now
I could use some help
by stuffing this turkey.
Alright.
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
- This is the place. You sure?
- Sure, I'm sure.
I shook hands with Honest John
right here.
Look, look, here's,
here's some of his feathers.
I don't get it.
[laughs]
There's nothing to get.
You've been fleeced.
This guy probably goes
from state to state
with the same cars.
You know, you're just lucky that
you only gave him a deposit
and you got the rest of it.
Say, where did you get
all that money
'in your pockets, anyway?'
- I made it fair and square.
- How?
'By selling pictures
of the vice president.'
Well, where did you get those?
- I'm taking them tomorrow.
- What?
And how many of these futures
did you sell?
Just .
Did it ever occur to you
that the vice president
of the United States
is not a local disc jockey?
What're you gonna do,
run around all day
and take flash pictures of him?
No, just for three hours.
Well, forget it,
because dad would k*ll you
and that guy, Cooper,
would probably have
your citizenship revoked.
[sighs]
- Where did I go wrong?
- I don't know.
Maybe someday, someday
one of your business
and I use that term
loosely, ventures
may turn a profit.
[instrumental music]
[indistinct chattering]
(Nicholas)
N-I-C..
H hour minus one.
Well, one, two, three, four
five cans of cranberry sauce
is enough?
Now, please keep in mind
the fact that the vice president
is particularly partial
to the drumstick.
- But I like the drumstick.
- Yeah, me, too.
I hope
this is a three-legged bird.
Would you get the whipped cream
out of the refrigerator?
(Joannie)
'D-don't leave this out. Susan.'
- 'Susan!'
- 'Will you take it?'
Abby, I think that's one thing
we forgot to get.
No, we have to have
whipped cream--
I'll get it.
- 'No whipped cream.'
- No whipped cream.
Please hurry, we still have
to rehearse the reception line.
[indistinct chattering]
(Cory)
'Hey, Elizabeth.'
Hi, Elizabeth.
How dare you talk to me,
Cory Larson.
Just shove off. I-I'm busy.
Well, but I thought
we were friends at least.
Two broken dates
does not a friend make.
Listen, I'm, uh,
I'm really sorry about that.
But, well,
the fact of the matter
is I was too embarrassed
to see you.
You were embarrassed to see me?
Just come off it.
No, really, I was.
You see,
I have these allergies..
- To what, good manners?
- Please listen.
My, uh, allergies give me
this horrible rash
all over my face and, um
I guess I just got so nervous
about, uh, going out with you
that my allergies
just went crazy.
And I was too embarrassed
to have you see me
when I was looking like
some kind of lizard.
Really? Just because of a rash?
Really.
I mean, a guy'd have to be crazy
to break a date with you.
But, Cory, how you look
wouldn't have mattered.
- I'd still go out with you.
- Yeah? Really?
Well, how about tonight, then?
Oh, but there's this person
coming to dinner.
Ah, don't tell me
you've invited another boy
to your Thanksgiving?
No, he's a friend of Nicholas'.
- How about
- : is just like you.
Perfect.
[sighs]
- Hey, Mary?
- What?
You know what
the vice president looks like?
I wanna make sure
I recognize him.
Uh, well,
I think he's kinda tall
but I'm not really sure.
Well, let's see..
Uh, Nancy, do you know
what the vice president
looks like exactly?
I don't know,
probably, real official.
See you, guys.
Come on, Nicholas, we..
[doorbell rings]
[indistinct chattering]
- Yes?
- 'We're with the press core.'
Come on in.
- Union..
- "Tribune."
"International Herald."
Washington didn't tell me
they'll be arriving
in such force.
"Examiner."
Alright,
right into the living room
'ladies and gentlemen.'
[indistinct chattering]
Alright,
I'd like all the Bradfords
to line up against the fireplace
and try to look informal,
please.
Alright, now, which is the kid
which is the kid
who wrote the letter?
- The little one.
- What's his name?
- Uh, David.
- David. Come on, David.
- Stand up here. That's it, boy.
- Informal.
Now, how do you feel about
what's going on here today?
Isn't it true
your newspaper column
is the real reason behind
the vice presidential visit?
No, no, no, I already told you.
The whole thing
came as a complete surprise.
Come on, Mr. Bradford,
why don't you level with me?
I am levelling with you.
[indistinct chattering]
May I have your attention,
please?
Attention here, please!
Thank you.
Uh, this is an advance list
of the questions
that I will be asking
the vice president.
(female #)
'Oh, Harry!'
[indistinct chattering]
[indistinct chattering]
Boy, is that a mob out front?
- Here you go.
- Hm. Thank you.
Hey, grams.
Um, could I, could I
talk to you a second?
Well, sure, Elizabeth.
What is it?
It's about my nose.
Yes, we really should
talk about that.
There's nothing
really wrong with it.
I know, but I thought
you wanted to change it.
I was wrong. Cory likes it.
And I've decided
to remain % Bradford.
'So thanks
for your generous offer'
but I don't think I'll accept.
Oh, Elizabeth
I think you've made
a very mature decision.
- Oh, but there is one thing.
- What's that?
Can I still call you
Grandma Katherine?
Always.
Oh..
Oh..
[indistinct chattering]
(Tommy)
He's here! He's here.
The vice president's here.
- He's here.
- Oh!
[indistinct chattering]
Alright, everybody, quiet!
I'd like the press
over on that side of the room.
Thank you. Security detail,
take your positions.
Mr. Bradford,
I'll need you with me.
Bring the wife and kids. Places.
Alright. Come on.
Let's go. come on.
[indistinct chattering]
Now, remember, Thomas
he's just an elected official
here today, gone tomorrow.
I'll try to keep that in mind..
...about everybody.
I still can't help wishing
we're doing all this
for Ronnie Reagan.
[indistinct chattering]
[doorbell rings]
You ready?
Uh, Welcome to the Brad..
Greetings, I'm Richard Watson,
official government courier.
Is there
a Nicholas Bradford here?
Oh, well, uh, yes, uh..
- That's me!
- He's him, uh..
Happy Thanksgiving.
Yes, happy Thanksgiving
to you, uh..
- What is it? What? What?
- Hurry up!
Open the envelope, Nicholas.
Hurry! Come on.
- Well?
- Here, Nicholas, lemme see.
- Give it to dad.
- Come on.
Oh...I'm sorry
but this is
from the vice president
'and he, uh,
had to return to Washington'
to attend some urgent
congressional business.
He won't be able
to attend our dinner.
"Sorry for the inconvenience."
I knew it. Oh, I knew it.
Ah, after all of this?
- I don't believe this.
- Are you kidding?
- After so much trouble.
- 'Well, thank you.'
- Hey, where are you guys going?
- Goodbye.
[indistinct chattering]
Cover our average
American dinner.
- Thank you for coming.
- 'Buh-bye.'
- Bye.
- 'Thank you for coming.'
- 'We're gonna have something.'
- 'They left!'
[clears throat]
Sorry, boys.
[door shuts]
[sighs]
I apologize, Mr. Bradford,
and I hope this doesn't put
too much of a damper
on your Thanksgiving.
No, no, no, that's alright.
In fact, uh,
just between you and me
I'm kind of relieved.
I really had no idea
that Washington was gonna
pull the welcome mat
out from under you and..
I just want you to know
I appreciate your hospitality.
That's alright, we just did
what any typical American family
would do, right?
Well, I guess
I've learned a little
about the typical
American family of , anyway.
And I would just like to say
that I really enjoyed
meeting all of you.
- Well, let's say, Mary.
- You remembered.
Susan.
Nancy.
Elizabeth.
- Joannie.
- Bye.
- Mrs. Bradford.
- Mr. Cooper.
And whatever
your sons' names are.
- Happy Thanksgiving!
- 'Happy Thanksgiving!'
- 'Bye.'
- 'Bye.'
Uh, Mr. Cooper?
Would you care to join us
for Thanksgiving dinner?
There'll be a couple
of extra drumsticks.
Well, I'm not really due
back in Washington
until tomorrow night, but I..
Please stay, Mr. Cooper.
Yeah, you can eat my drumstick.
I don't actually like
the drumstick
but I'd love to stay
for Thanksgiving dinner.
Good! Oh, come here.
- Aren't you lucky?
- Come on!
[indistinct chattering]
(Joannie)
Mr. Cooper,
sit where the president..
[indistinct chattering]
(Tommy)
'I even give you
my own drumstick.'
(Susan)
Me, too.
- Well..
- I'm hungry.
Everybody comfortable?
- Yup.
- Happy Thanksgiving.
I, I know
things didn't quite turn out
the way we planned exactly
but that shouldn't distract us
from the real reason
for celebrating Thanksgiving.
We, uh...we should be thankful
that we're all lucky enough
to be here together..
'...a-all three generations
of our family.'
And we're thankful
that we've made a new friend.
And we should be thankful
for what we have
not what we hope to get.
And we should be thankful for..
...what we are
'not what we hope to be.'
Most importantly of all, uh..
...we should be thankful
that we have each other.
[instrumental music]
With this we give thanks.
Amen.
[instrumental music]
Oh, Nicholas, no.
What are you writing now?
- A letter.
- That's what I was afraid of.
What kind of a letter?
I mean, and to whom?
- It's a new school project.
- 'Oh, it can't be.'
Not another letter. I better
have a talk with your teacher.
Well, dad, there's this
new suggestion box at school
and the teacher said
that we should all write letters
suggesting something
for the class.
Yeah?
So I'm suggesting
that we don't write
anymore letters.
Good thinking, Nicholas,
that's very good!
Next Thanksgiving,
you get the drumstick.
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
[music continues]