03x13 - You Won't Have Nicholas to Kick Around Anymore

[bunniefuu]

- What's wrong with you?

- Everything, Irving.

That's a lot of things.

I'm at the end of my rope.

You get docked your allowance

or something?

No, worse.

They all ganged up against me.

- Who is?

- My whole family.

They're always

leaving me out of things.

And nobody will talk to me.

Is something burning

in the kitchen?

No, we thought it was

out here.

No, it's upstairs.

[intense music]

Well, here's our culprit.

(Tom)

Let me see that, please.

Nicholas, was-was Tommy

using this?

No, sir, I was.

Tommy, does everybody

hate me?

Well, let's just say that, uh

we're keeping a fair distance.

Let's face it kid,

you're cursed.

Where too, sonny?

San Diego.

- Round trip?

- No, ma'am, one way.

- Where is he?

- 'Where's who?'

Him. He's in the picture.

Why isn't he here?

Who does he want?

Him. Sam.

Where is he?

Sam d*ed, kid.

- d*ed?

- Sam was my best friend.

He was going to be my grandpa.

- Now, where is home kid?

- I'm not going.

You gotta go back.

Now, where is home, Nicholas?

Here.

[theme song]

♪ There's a magic in ♪

♪ The early morning

we've found ♪

♪ When the sunrise smiles ♪

♪ On everything around ♪

♪ It's a portrait

of the happiness ♪

♪ That we feel

and always will ♪

♪ Eight is enough ♪

♪ To fill our lives with love ♪

♪ Oh we spend our days ♪

♪ Like bright

and shiny new dimes ♪

♪ If we're ever puzzled ♪

♪ By the changing times ♪

♪ There's a plate

of homemade wishes ♪

♪ On the kitchen window sill ♪

♪ And eight is enough ♪

♪ To fill our lives ♪

♪ With love ♪♪

[instrumental music]

No, no, Benny, no, no

I didn't want the tickets

for next Sunday night.

I wanted them for this Sunday.

But now, we had this fire.

I-I don't know what..

Wait, wait, wait hold on.

- Hi.

- Hi.

I'm-I'm just holding this.

And-and listen, my wife

deserves a night out

so cancel what I just said

I'll-I'll take those two tickets

for this Sunday night.

Right, yes.

Sixty dollars? A piece?

Mmph.

Alright, thanks.

She said we could stay

till Nicholas leaves.

I'm staying.

Only till I figure out

what to do next.

Or until she decides

to throw you both out.

Then they'll find

another pushover.

[chuckles]

Yeah, uh,

maybe you'll take us in.

Good, then I can have

a grandpa and a grandma.

- I'm not your grandpa.

- 'Where do I fit in?'

- You can be my uncle.

- My pleasure, nephew.

(Joe)

'Well, he's making us

into his whole family.'

My whole family.

Drink up, kid.

Boy, this bag sure does

keep the coke's cold.

Sure, does.

Hello, Mrs. Moore,

This is Abby Bradford.

Oh, we're fine, thank you.

Well-well, the cleaning up

is coming along just fine.

Uh, we may even last

until it's finished.

May I speak to Nicholas, please?

Oh, no, no,

that's fine.

Thank you very much.

Bye-bye.

How is Nicholas?

Well, he's, uh,

over at David's.

Poor David,

after a day of sl*very

the last thing he needs

is a visitor.

He'll send Nicholas

back to the Moore's.

Is everything all set

for tonight?

Did you say, one or one thirty?

- One thirty.

- One thirty. Okay.

[alarm ringing]

[bell ringing]

What's going on?

Oh, no.

(Abby)

'What is it?'

[indistinct chattering]

[ringing continues]

- What is it?

- What happened?

Uh, yeah, and it might

please you to know

that the house

could have b*rned down twice.

I don't believe this.

That's real funny, guys.

Thanks a lot.

- It was sad.

- There was not really a fire?

A test?

[crying]

- 'Oh, look out!'

- 'Oh, Susan, look.'

So then the wolf said,

"I'll huff and I'll puff

and I'll blow the house in."

So, he huffed and he puffed

and huffed and puffed

but he couldn't

blow the house in.

[snoring]

[sighs]

I'm gonna live with you forever

and ever, grandpa.

[instrumental music]

- Hmm, good mornin'.

- Shh!

- You'll disturb it.

- Disturb what?

- The quite.

- Before the storm?

It's because Nicholas

and Tommy aren't here.

Mmm, I miss them.

Oh, yeah, so do I.

- 'I was first.'

- 'Maybe, but I was faster.'

Of course,

I don't miss them too much.

So, the two pigs

moved into the brick house

and the wolf never ever,

bothered them again.

[laughs]

That's a good story.

I'm sorry, I went to sleep

on it last night.

Oh, that's what stories are for,

to put you to sleep

so I'll tell you

another one tonight.

Well, uh, maybe,

I'll tell you one tonight.

- Alright.

- Yeah, alright.

We're gonna have

lots of fun together, Joe.

Well, long as you don't

become a nuisance.

Oh, I won't.

And don't worry

'cause you'll never get lonely

as long as I'm around.

[instrumental music]

What's the matter, Joe?

Well, I just got

some of this sand in my eye.

Come on,

we gotta get dressed.

You have got sand in your eye.

We are dressed.

Well, not for

the Welfare Office.

What's the Welfare Office?

Well, if we play

our cards right

it's like an early Christmas.

- An early Christmas? Wow!

- Yeah.

I should have changed families

a long time ago.

When you finally get to bed

you toss around like a tornado.

Well, I'm sorry,

when I have somethin' on my mind

I don't have time

to be a common laborer.

A common laborer does not get

a new room for free.

- Good mornin'.

- Good mornin'.

Did Nicholas,

have a nice breakfast?

You'd know,

if you've ever heard him rave

about Mrs. Moore's waffles.

Well, I'm sure

her waffles are better

than anything

you guys would serve.

- Ahh! Good morning, David.

- Susan, not so fast.

Oh, David,

I got some shopping to do.

Good thing stores

are open in the evening

so that working people

can shop.

Oh, sl*very,

that's what this is?

Hey, if you're willing to pay

dues I could form a union.

[instrumental music]

Hold on here a minute,

my friend.

Let's see.

Yeah, put on your cap,

and look poor.

Like this?

Can you add a little

hunger around the eyes?

No, but I can

suck in my tummy.

Boy, you're a natural.

Let's go.

[instrumental music]

- Joseph Simons.

- Ma'am.

- Come with me.

- Poor.

- And hungry?

- Yes.

Ma'am.

- Property?

- Oh, no, ma'am.

Any other income?

Well, just the general welfare

I was gettin'

before my grandson Nicholas

come to live with me.

Uh, I'll need more,

now that the boy's here.

- I don't need too much.

- Poor little fellow.

Doesn't have anything

to wear.

Just the clothes

he's got on.

Hardly enough to cover up

his undernourishment.

- Where are his parents?

- They ran out on him.

In Sacra..

I don't know.

You lived in Sacramento?

That's a different

welfare district.

Yes, ma.am, but that was a long,

long time ago.

- I live here now.

- I see.

Is the boy's last name, Simons?

Yes, ma'am,

Nicholas Simons.

You understand,

you're entitled to food stamps

and medical payments.

Yes, ma'am.

Wow, food stamps

and medical payments.

And that if you receive

any income at all

from donations, pensions

other child support,

contest prizes

it will be deducted

from the $ a month we'll pay.

Oh, yes, ma'am.

Poor grandpa,

we won't be poor any more.

Aren't you glad I came

here to live with you?

- Here you are.

- Thank you.

Before we starve.

[instrumental music]

But she didn't give us

any money yet.

Right.

Then how come the grocery man

gave us all the stuff?

I just showed him

my welfare card.

It's better

than a credit card.

Boy, you're really

smart, Joe.

My old family didn't know

anything but money.

[instrumental music]

You just stand watch kid.

[instrumental music]

Two hundred and eighty seven

dollar's a month.

If I had more kids,

I could have gotten more.

Maybe they can get some kids

for the rest of us.

[all laughing]

- I won.

- Nathan.

Oh, Nathan, what happened?

Nobody ever b*at you.

Only capitalists

exploit children.

Scoot on there.

Let me take him on.

Maybe Nathan took it

easy on you, grandson.

But I'm no softy.

[chuckles]

I'll b*at the pants off you.

Alright. We'll see.

(Louise)

'Look at him,

he's good, isn't he?'

[indistinct cheering]

b*at the pants off, huh?

Ahh! Move out of there, Joe.

This is woman's work.

I'll show you

how to b*at the kid.

- Yeah, you wanna bet?

- Louise, is gonna do it--

Hey, hold-hold everything

a minute.

Come with me, son.

Don't nobody take his place.

Hell, I'll accept this.

- How good are you?

- Real good.

- How often do you win?

- Lots of times.

Well, most of the time.

Okay. You win.

But if you lose you cry hard.

Want me to act hungry too?

Don't overreact,

just cry hard.

Alright, we're taking

y'all on.

Nicholas can b*at the whole

mangy bunch of you.

Ladies and gentlemen..

- Oh!

- Place you're bets.

He's got a new racket.

[indistinct chatter]

Let's see what we got here.

One, two, three,

four, five..

...uh, there, uh,

six-twenty five.

Gee, I didn't know

you can get rich on checker's.

Checkers,

that's small time stuff.

You mean, we're moving up

to big time stuff?

Yeah, let's just say

a smart man like you

deserves an education.

[grunts]

Alright, get off

the telephone, Elizabeth.

- Oh, it's you.

- Yes, it's me.

I'll be off in a minute,

I was just trying to call

the Moore's to talk to Nicholas.

Really, that's what

I was going to do.

I wish he'd drop by

once in a while.

Yeah, I wish

we weren't so busy

so we could drop by

and see him.

Darn, it's busy.

I really wanted to talk to him.

Why don't we

go over there tonight

and take them out for ice cream?

Take them? You mean,

you're not gonna have any?

Me, on my diet?

How about a little

chocolate mint ripple?

No.

'Little apricot

blueberry fudge.'

Well, you're getting warmer.

[instrumental music]

Thank you.

Did I just hear

a quarter go in?

Two of them.

[chuckles]

That's it, kid.

We've made table stakes.

Alright, remember

what I told you.

- I remember.

- Alright. Let's go.

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

Does anybody want a paper?

- Paper, sir.

- Get away, kid.

Paper?

Do we look like we're here

to read, sonny. Scram!

- Do you want a paper?

- Oh, get lost.

What is this, Canasta?

Come on, who's it on?

b*at it, kid.

- It's on me?

- 'It's on you, sir.'

- Well, alright.

- 'Turn the card.'

I've got a feel about this.

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna tap,

I'll bet, I got..

...seven.....

How many times

have I gotta tell ya?

Three of a kind

beats two pairs.

Sorry, Joe.

Well, sorry is not good enough.

Now go out there,

and get us back in the game.

Go on.

[instrumental music]

Can I have a dime

for a doughnut?

I didn't have any lunch.

b*at it, kid.

Oh, come on,

don't be such a cheap skate

'give the kid a buck.'

Gee, thanks.

Can I have a dime

for a doughnut?

I didn't have any lunch.

Do you know, it's against

the law to panhandle?

Panhandle?

I wasn't panhandling.

I just need a dime

for a doughnut.

Or you could give me a quarter

for a nice hot lunch.

I'm Detective Frank Fereno

of San Diego Police.

Now, what's your name kid?

(Nicholas)

'Hey, let go.

Hey, hey, hey, help, help.'

Nicholas, have you been

panhandling again?

I keep tellin' him

not to do that, sir

'but you know how kids are?'

(Nicholas)

'But, Joe..'

Wait till I get you home,

young man.

He'll be very

severely punished

and I assure you

he'll never beg again.

He'd better not,

not on my b*at.

Relentless in the fifth.

Sure thing.

[intense music]

How much did we get?

Enough for another hand.

[chuckles]

Can we play poker,

or can we play poker?

That's $..

We're millionaires.

Let's see, at % for me

and % for you.

I don't want it, Joe,

you need it to take care of me

but if it would be alright,

I'd like cents allowance

like where I used to live.

I'll go get some bubble gum.

Using the boy,

to exploit the rich is okay.

But when you start

exploiting the boy..

What am I gonna do

with him, Nathan?

Collect child support,

then think of more hustle.

- He misses them.

- 'His family?'

Yeah, but he won't

go back to 'em.

He didn't tell you

anything yet?

- He's from Sacramento.

- 'So call, Sacramento.'

He won't tell me

his last name.

Oh!

I suppose I could call

the Sacramento Police.

- You wouldn't.

- Well, I'd rather not.

Do you know what they could do

with one innocent boy like that?

Do you know how much money

I could make if I kept him?

Capitalist.

What are you talking about?

Philanthropist.

You know how much trouble it is

to take care of a kid like that?

- Yeah, do you?

- Yeah.

So, what is he, Joe?

Meal ticket? Or a liability?

If you're tryin' to start

a revolution

would you start it

somewhere else?

Joe, Nathan,

look what I got for us, here.

[both laughing]

- Hey, hey-hey.

- A balloon.

That's a good little kid, Joe.

Forget what I said.

No, somebody had to say it.

But how long can three balloons

keep him happy?

I do not want to sell this

house, do you understand?

I understand.

Sentimental values.

And if you ever,

ever change your mind

please, give me a ding-dong.

Ding-dong?

- Toddle-loo.

- Toddle-loo.

Boy, she doesn't give up,

does she?

Oh, I tell you

people like that should..

Forget it, forget it.

What was I saying?

I was saying something

very interesting.

Oh, yes, yes,

I called the restaurant

and I told them

to make reservations for--

- For Sunday night. Oh.

- Yes, it's out anniversary.

Fire or no fire, I think

that we should celebrate.

So do I, I think I'd like

something cold to drink.

- Oh, yes. So do I.

- No! No, no, no.

You just stay here and work,

and I'll get it.

Oh, alright.

Uh..

Hello, Benny, Abby Doe.

Yeah, you know those tickets

we sold to you?

Well, we want them.

Aw, well, don't you have

any other tickets?

For $ each?

No, please don't hang up. Okay,

we'll take 'em. We'll take 'em.

(Joe)

'Well, the Smiths

just cried and cried'

because they couldn't

find Junior.

Now, Junior who was still hiding

down in the well was crying too.

Finally, he thought to himself

"I'm just gonna give them

just one more chance."

So he went home.

- And you know what?

- What?

Well, the Smiths

were so happy to see him

they didn't yell at him

and they didn't spank him

or anything.

They just hugged him

and they kissed him

and they promised

never to get mad at him again.

How'd you like the story?

It stinks.

No real family would say

they're sorry.

They would just hate their kids

for ever and ever.

And Junior was a dope

to go back.

Tomorrow night,

I'm telling the story.

I tell better ones than you.

[instrumental music]

[sighs]

[car revving]

See, they're up.

The light is on in

Irving J. Moore's room.

Yes, but maybe the Moore's

won't want the boys

to go out this late

for ice cream.

Well, I mean, they can do

what they want with Irving

but Nicholas is our kid,

we only lent him to them

we didn't give him to them.

I'm so glad

you thought of this.

Oh, yes.

I couldn't have gone

to sleep another night

without giving

Nicholas a hug.

So what are you gonna have?

You're gonna have vanilla

or, uh, chocolate

or chocolate chip?

Oh, Abby, Tom.

Look who's here, Irving.

- Come on in.

- No, that's alright.

We thought the boys might

like to go out

for some ice cream.

Hey, super.

Can we have triple scoops?

Triple scoops.

Well, it's-it's rather late.

Oh, come on, mom,

It's a triple scoop.

Well, I suppose it's alright.

Is Nicholas waiting

in the car?

- No, he's here.

- He is?

- He's not?

- Isn't he?

[dramatic music]

[crickets chirping]

(male #)

Now, let me get this straight.

He left for Irving Jame Moores

with a little red wagon?

- Right.

- Metal suitcase.

- And a suitcase.

- Wednesday night.

Wednesday night, right

and this is Friday

so that gives him

two days head start.

Oh, good, you can count.

So what do we do now?

Oh, you do exactly what we do.

Check the neighborhood, his

friends, the school playground

relatives,

just stay off the phone.

Because we'll be calling

and maybe the kid might call.

Oh, yeah, right.

We'll also check the planes,

the trains and, and the buses.

(Tom)

'Well, no, no, no, Nicholas

would never leave the city.'

Oh, don't be so sure.

'He's some kid.'

Joe.

Joe.

I got breakfast

left over from last night.

So, I only had

to pay half price.

Well, good.

[chuckles]

Alright.

Uh, Nicholas, I got some

bad news for you.

- No, uh, beach combing today.

- Why not?

Well, I got a word from Nathan

the beach is all combed out.

Well, there's always checkers.

No, I'm afraid we've

worked out that scam.

[laughs]

You're too good for it.

Oh, well, I can play

with my eyes shut.

No, no, we lost those suckers.

Well, how about hinting on Anna

about her pension money?

Well, that's small-time,

Nicholas.

I've been contemplating

our future prospects lately.

There's only one thing

left for us.

- 'We've gotta make a k*lling.'

- A k*lling?

- Big money.

- Oh.

- Gold.

- Gold?

Nicholas, you and me

are gonna go to the Yukon.

The Yukon?

Oh boy, the Yukon.

Where's the Yukon?

In the Yukon.

Did anybody call

the Cantrolli kid?

Um, Nicholas doesn't play

with Tony Cantrolli anymore.

Doesn't make any difference.

We should call them.

I did, that's when

they told me that

Nicholas doesn't play

with Tony anymore.

[dramatic music]

Why would anybody wanna hurt

a nice kid like Nicholas?

Look, Nicholas is not hurt.

He's just..

He's somewhere.

But somewhere, where?

Shouldn't have

leaned on him so hard.

[sighs]

Hitch hiking's very dangerous.

Should never do it.

Then why are we hitchhiking?

Well, so we'll have enough money

to buy ourselves a car

when we get to the Yukon.

Where we will never

pick up hitchhikers.

I hope you get a flat

in every tire.

(both)

'Including the spare.'

Boy, you sure told her.

When was the last time

you saw him?

Did he say anything?

Five months ago?

Oh, no, then I, I guess not.

Alright, listen, if you

hear anything, let me know.

Thanks, Will.

Guess, I should

stay off the phone.

Well, if we got another

telephone line--

Elizabeth, will you

knock it off?

[sighs]

See, once they've picked up

speed, they don't like to stop.

So, we'll wait right here

at the stop sign.

Oh, that's

a pretty good trick.

Too bad we can't

hitchhike in the Yukon.

That trick

would come in handy.

Ha-ha, well,

you stick with me kid

I'll teach you

all my tricks.

[engine revving]

Is that part of

your trick, Joe?

So, we'll just forget about it,

okay, Dr. Maxwell.

Uh, and I'll call Donna and

tell her to call everybody else.

Alright, thanks for your help.

Bye-bye.

[instrumental music]

- Hey, did you call Dr. Max?

- Yeah, I did that.

Why are you staring

at the refrigerator?

I don't know, it, it

just looks different.

Hmm, uh, hey, did you call Donna

to tell the guest not to come?

Oh, I was about to do that.

[doorbell ringing]

- Huh.

- That's Nicholas's wagon.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah, that's it.

I recognize the dents.

Oh, well, uh,

where did you find it?

The, uh, missin' vehicle

was apprehended

at the roadways bus station.

Bus station?

Yeah, the clerk thinks that

she sold Nicholas a ticket

to San Diego.

- Why would he go to San Diego?

- I don't know.

Wait a second, I do.

Sam Harris.

That's what was missin'

from the refrigerator.

- Sam Harris's picture.

- Sam Ha..

Sam Harris,

the Santa Claus who stole

all your Christmas presents?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Tom, where are you going?

San Diego.

[dramatic music]

[instrumental music]

Young man, don't you know how

dangerous it is to hitchhike?

Especially, all alone?

Shades of Babylon.

I keep telling my grandson

not to hitchhike.

But he won't listen to me.

Maybe, you nice people

would tell him for me..

...while we're riding.

Thank you, thank you.

So nice of you.

[dramatic music]

(male #)

I haven't seen Sam Harris

in a while.

But I had Joe Simons

in here last week.

He had a crap game

going near his bungalow.

Hope he's at the same address.

I'm running out of

places to look.

Well, maybe he is

and maybe he isn't.

You can never trust a man

who doesn't look you in the eye.

- Sam Harris d*ed.

- d*ed?

- But the other one, Joe Simon.

- Where is he?

Left this morning.

Took off with his grandson.

Owing me three weeks rent.

Never trust a man who

doesn't look you in the eye.

(male #)

'Did you ever see this boy?'

Sure, that's Nicholas,

Joe's grandson.

That's my son.

Then you can pay me a $.

[instrumental music]

[dramatic music]

Alright, where are they?

We-we didn't do anything wrong,

you can't arrest us.

Can't you leave people alone

even on Sunday?

No, I-I'm Nicholas' father.

No wonder he left home.

Where did they go?

You won't catch him, by now

they're half way to Alaska.

Alaska?

- Yukon?

- Yeah, that's in Alaska.

What're you gonna do

in Alaska?

Get rich.

Sally's talking to me.

- We're gonna get rich.

- Oil?

No, gold, lots of it.

You tell her.

We could use a partner to help

us haul back all our loot.

Well, now, I could

use a partner now too.

[chuckles]

Let me just get up here

and we can negotiate.

(Nicholas)

'Joe, look..'

'...that sign says, Disneyland.'

Joe, let's go to Disneyland.

I bet you make a good living

driving this truck.

Well, it's kinda

touch and go right now.

- I'll go in all the rides.

- You kiddin'?

Honest.

Yeah, that's why I wouldn't

mind taking in a partner.

You know, someone with some real

financial capital.

A well-heeled investor.

Oh, Sally, you're

a wonderful woman

and I fully support

the feminine movement

into the world of commerce.

Unfortunately, I can't

deprive my grandson here

of a trip to Disneyland.

Just drop us off up there

at the light.

Yeah, we're going to Disneyland,

we're going to Disneyland.

'This isn't Disneyland.'

Disneyland ain't in the budget.

[instrumental music]

The beans aren't ready yet.

Is this real grub?

[chuckles]

Well, it's about as grub

as you can get.

Boy, this really

is the life, huh, Joe?

A little silverware

wouldn't hurt.

I will get yelled at

if I ate with my fingers at..

[music continues]

Where kid?

At the place I used to live.

Hmm.

Bet they had franks

with their beans there?

And mustard.

Hmm-mm.

Maybe we should call

the Alaskan Mounties.

I don't think they have

Mounties anymore.

Besides, they always get their

men, not little boys.

[sighs]

Maybe we should, um..

No we did that already.

Well, there must be

something else we can do.

This is the worst Sunday

of my life.

Oh, it's the worst day

of my life.

[doorbell ringing]

- Maybe it's Nicholas.

- It is Nicholas.

'Just think it's Nicholas

and it'll be Nicholas.'

Hello, Nicholas,

please be there Nicholas.

(all)

'Surprise!'

[indistinct chatter]

Dad.

Mary, didn't you call Donna?

I was about to...once.

Oh, no.

[instrumental music]

Joe, I need a pillow.

You know,

I could use them too.

I wish I had my pillow.

I wish I had your pillow.

Joe, does the moon feel like

this in South..

- I mean in the Yukon.

- Yeah, I don't know.

Tell me more about it, Joe.

Tell me more about

the gold in the Yukon.

[snoring]

Let's see, we're going to

the Yukon that's in Alaska.

And it's real cold.

And we're gonna camp out

and eat lots of grub.

[instrumental music]

[engine revving]

- Thanks for the ride.

- Yeah.

Why did we get off here, Joe?

He said we can drive

all night and we could..

[dramatic music]

Hey, this is Sacramento.

Yeah, nice town.

But you said

we were going to the Yukon.

Not like that.

Gotta get your warm jacket.

Boots.

Gotta get a lot of things.

Yeah, but we can buy

new ones.

Well, we're gonna need

all the money we got

to get mining equipment.

See, I figure we can sneak in

your place

get your things and we'd

be half way to Oregon

before your folks

even wake up.

But what if they catch us?

Afraid they'll wanna keep you?

No, they hate me.

But they could send us

to jail for stealing.

Well, then we'll make sure

they don't catch us.

- Huh.

- Are we going the right way?

No.

[music continues]

[dramatic music]

Quiet.

Look out for the table.

Where's your stuff?

- In a closet, upstairs.

- Let's go.

I found the stairs.

Five stairs up

and turn to your left.

Wait a minute.

I think we need a light.

[music continues]

Where's your closet?

[alarm blaring]

Well, you know, it's another

fire drill, come on, you guys.

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, my God.

(Tom)

'I-it's Joe.'

[indistinct chatter continues]

And then we roll with

this rock group, see.

And they let me play

the drums and everything.

- Alright.

- Really fun.

And then we gotta ride in this

great, great big convertible

and Joe offered to sell the lady

shares of our gold mine

but she wouldn't

even buy us lunch.

'So then we got

picked up on the..

The only thing I could think of

to get him back here

to Sacramento was to tell him

we're going to the Yukon

and dig for gold.

He probably thinks

I double crossed him.

I know I'll probably

never see the kid again

but, I, I really don't

want him to hate me.

I don't want that either.

You've been

a good friend, Joe.

[indistinct chatter continues]

Look, we were angry,

but we didn't hate you.

We could never hate you,

Nicholas, honest.

And if you still wanna go

up to the Yukon with Joe

we won't try to stop you.

Well, Joe does need the gold

and I did promise him

I'd be his digger.

Oh, yes, well,

then you better go.

I guess he can go

to school up there, right?

Sure.

Do they have

school up there, Joe?

Gee, I don't think so.

Well, I really should

go to school somewhere.

You really should 'cause you

need to improve your math

for all that money

you're gonna make, you know.

Yeah.

(Joe)

'See, I got an idea, Nicholas.'

Why don't I go on ahead

and set things up for us?

You know, I probably

won't be ready

to start digging till

next summer anyway.

Yeah, and then when school's

over, I can come up there.

- Ha-ha.

- Right.

- Yeah.

- I'm so glad you're staying.

[indistinct chatter]

I tell you,

I feel like-like..

...like celebrating.

- Ha-ha.

- Well, why not?

Look, we'll all celebrate

Nicholas' coming back and..

(all)

'Anniversary.'

[indistinct chatter]

[instrumental music]

Here. Thank you.

(all)

'Surprise.'

Here you go, Abby,

it's from me and Nicholas.

He started it

and I finished it.

- Thanks, Susan.

- Aww, thank you, Nicholas.

I didn't know

what to get them.

Couldn't have

done it without you, kid.

Yeah, I can figure out

what it is.

- Joannie.

- It's a paper weight.

Oh, paper weight, paper weight,

oh, that's great.

Next.

Alright, well, uh..

We're all..

What-what are you guys

getting each other?

- Yeah.

- Oh, well, uh, Abby.

Actually what I got you

is very expensive

but, uh, totally useless.

Oh-ho-ho, no.

What a coincidence.

[all laughing]

And do you believe

how much money we spent?

Oh, well, maybe we'll

see it on TV someday.

(Nancy)

Ah-ah.

We'll do our own chorus line.

Action.

[indistinct chatter]

[instrumental music]

♪ One singular sensation ♪

♪ Every little step he takes ♪

♪ One thrilling combination ♪

♪ Every move that he makes ♪

♪ One smile and suddenly ♪

♪ Nobody else will do ♪

♪ You know you'll

never be lonely ♪

♪ With you know who ♪

♪ One moment in his presence ♪

♪ And you can

forget the rest ♪

♪ For the guy is second best ♪

♪ To none ♪

♪ Son ♪

♪ Ohhh ♪

♪ Ohhh ♪

♪ Sigh ♪

♪ Sigh ♪

♪ Give him your attention ♪

♪ Do ♪

♪ Do ♪

♪ I really have to mention ♪

♪ I ♪

♪ He's the one ♪

♪ One singular sensation ♪

♪ Every little step he takes ♪

♪ One thrilling combination ♪

♪ Every move that he makes ♪

♪ One smile and suddenly ♪

♪ Nobody else will do ♪

♪ You know you'll

never be lonely ♪

♪ With you know who ♪♪

[siren wailing]

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

You gotta realize,

this is not your normal family.

[instrumental music]

[knocking on door]

Just in time, come on in.

Oh, wait.

[music continues]

- Everybody, it's the cops.

- The what?

- What?

- Uh..

Well, I haven't done anything.

- In Sacramento.

- I did.

I told them that

you had Nicholas.

'And they issued an

all-points bulletin.'

- Yeah.

- No. Joe, wait, Joe.

[indistinct chatter]

- Joe, catch.

- Yeah, my hat.

[indistinct chatter continues]

- Oh, hi.

- Come in, hi.

We're just celebrating.

Yeah, so we've been told

by several of your neighbors.

Oh, look, look,

Nicholas is back.

Hey, that's great.

How did he get here?

What happened?

Oh, well, he just,

uh, walked in.

Hmm, right.

Well, what about the guy

he was with?

- What guy?

- What guy?

Joe Simons, the guy that

you disappeared with.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that guy.

He went to the Yukon.

Yukon?

Yeah, you know,

the Yukon, it's in Alaska.

- Yeah, right.

- Yeah.

[indistinct chatter]

[instrumental music]

Oh, hi, Nicholas.

The cops are gone, how come

you're not at the party?

Hell, I'm enjoying it

from out here.

How come you're not

at the party?

Well, I thought I'd be with you

for a while before you go.

Are you mad at me

for not going with you?

Well, of course not.

Good, 'cause I'm not mad

at you for bringing me home.

I'm glad. I sure wouldn't want

you mad at me.

Abby fixed my pillow.

Oh, yeah.

She did a good job.

You can have it.

Well, Nicholas,

I can't take your pillow.

Alright, then I'm only

lending it to you

until next summer and

then when I get to Alaska

you can give it back to me.

Alright and I'll take

real good care of it.

And then if I never do get

to Alaska, you can keep it

so you won't forget me.

[dramatic music]

Well, I could never

forget you, son.

I, uh, wish I had

something to give you.

You already have

given me something.

A grandpa.

[music continues]

How would you feel about, uh,

giving your grandpa a hug?

(Nicholas)

'"Dear Nicholas,

today we packed in the mews'

'"and tomorrow

we set out for the mine'

'"and start the digging.'

'"It's very cold here

and I'm writing this'

"from my bed

so I can keep warm.

I sure do enjoy my new pillow."

That's my pillow.

He's really using it.

- Yeah.

- Good.

"By the time you see my again,

I'll be a millionaire.

Your grandpa, Joe Simons."

Hey, this letter is

post marked Hawaii.

I thought the Yukon

was in Alaska.

Did somebody move it?

[all laughing]

I didn't think

that was so funny.

Nicholas, don't you get it?

This Joe Simons

couldn't travel

in a straight line

if he wanted to.

He's conning ya.

No, he isn't.

Tommy, look at it this way.

If Joe were really good at

finding the Yukon

well then, Nicholas

never would have

gotten back here

to Sacramento.

Yeah, so just shut it,

'cause you don't even know that

three of a kind

beats two pairs.

(Tom)

'Right.'

Three of a kind

beats two pairs.

Nicholas, exactly what were

you doing in San Diego?

We'll talk about it, dad.

On your th anniversary.

[indistinct chatter]

[theme music]

[music continues]