03x22 - The Kid Who Came to Dinner

[bunniefuu]

David, can I ask you a question?

If you're wondering

about asking dad

for a waterbed of your own,

I'd say forget it.

No, thanks.

I like a bed you can trust.

It's a pretty

important question.

Okay, sh**t.

Well, did you ever wish

you were an only child?

You know, actually,

Nicholas, I was.

- Really?

- 'Yeah.'

For about a year

until Mary was born.

Lucky guy. What was it like?

Oh, I can't remember.

You mean, you had

to really be like that

And you can't even remember?

I was pretty young at the time.

I'm young,

and if I was the only Bradford

for just five minutes,

I'd remember.

Look at it this way, Nicholas.

If you were an only child then I

wouldn't have you as my brother.

That would make me very sad.

Well, look at it

this way, David.

You had your chance and blew it.

[instrumental music]

[laughing]

[theme song]

♪ There's a magic in the

early morning we've found ♪

♪ When the sunrise smiles

on everything around ♪

♪ It's a portrait

of the happiness ♪

♪ That we feel and always will ♪

♪ For eight is enough ♪

♪ To fill our lives with love ♪

♪ Oh we spend our days ♪

♪ Like bright

and shiny new dimes ♪

♪ If we're ever puzzled

by the changing times ♪

♪ There's a plate

of homemade wishes ♪

♪ On the kitchen window sill ♪

♪ And eight is enough ♪

♪ To fill our lives with love ♪♪

Okay, let's try it

one more time.

- You ready?

- Yeah.

...another sh*t.

Missed the second.

...and double play!

Oh.

[sighs]

You missed it.

This just isn't gonna work

without a first baseman.

You got any friends

we could use?

Not today, what about you?

You are the only guy

I met since I moved here.

Maybe there'll be

some guys here tomorrow.

You wanna come back to my house?

- Where is it?

- Come on, I'll show ya.

Now, I want you to remember

to keep your eye on the ball

at all times and get some

more control into that ball.

[laughing]

(Tommy)

'Elizabeth,

that is the first thing'

that a guy notices.

Well, yeah,

but Debbie Altman's

fine the way she is.

Why mess with mother nature?

I don't know, little

give her a whole new dimension

'to her personality.'

(Elizabeth)

'Oh.'

Would you run that by me again?

I am studying the possible

psychological differences

between only children

'and offspring to

multi-sibling family unit.'

- What?

- It's my research project.

For behavioral psyche.

And you're going to study this

multi-sibling family unit?

Yeah, if you don't mind.

You mean you want us

to be human guinea pigs?

Elizabeth, it's just

a series of simple tests.

Abby, do you really think

that you can be

objective with us?

I mean this is

a scientific test, isn't it?

Well, I won't be alone.

Ed Gardner, who's

the leading doctoral candidate

in the department

is gonna help me

and he's an authority

on only children.

In fact,

he has an only child himself.

Well, just what exactly

do you wanna find out about us?

What makes you guys different

from children

in smaller family units?

Oh, that's simple. Looks.

- Brains.

- Mm..

Modesty.

I hope that

Ed Gardner doesn't throw up.

(Mary)

'Hi, Nicholas.'

Hi.

Hey, heh. Hi, Nikki.

'What your friend's name?

I don't think we know him.'

- Bobby.

- Come on, Bobby.

Uh, Bobby, I don't think

I caught your last name.

Don't think you're going to.

Wow, hey, Nicholas,

where'd you get all these?

They belong to

my brothers and sisters.

- How many have you got anyway?

- Seven.

Boy, must be neat

having such a big family.

Today it is.

Yesterday it wasn't.

Here, put some of this

on your mitt.

Yeah, thanks.

You got any brothers or sisters?

Where'd you get your mitt?

Hey, Nicholas.

What's that supposed to be?

Oh, it's a raft

from the army circus.

My brother David gave it to me.

He gave it to you?

Yeah, he said

he was getting too old

for Huckleberry Flynn.

Huckleberry Flynn?

Yeah, he was some kid who've

floated down rivers and junk.

- Do you ever use it?

- Not yet.

Hey, I bet you and me can

go down to Sacramento river

all the way to the ocean.

Yeah.

Maybe after baseball season.

Yeah.

Abby, couldn't this

be multiple choice?

There is no right answer.

I'm after your first impression.

- Would you come on?

- Oh, okay. Um..

The Saint Louis, Missouri.

Saint Louis, okay.

Uh, okay, Susan,

what do you see?

Alfalfa sprout salad

complete with bean curd

and mashed yeast.

(Nancy)

'Susan, that's ridiculous.'

How can Saint Louis

look like mashed yeast?

Hey, I'm hungry, alright?

What's going on in here?

I'm administering

the ink block test

that Ed Gardner devised

for his doctoral thesis.

Mary, what does that

look like to you?

Um, a kidney transplant.

Hay, Abby, can Bobby lunch over?

Uh, sure, Nicholas, as long as

it's okay with his mom.

It's okay, with her.

Thanks, Abby.

Hey, Niks, wait a second.

Well, what do you see?

Hmm.

A piece of paper,

with ink smashed on it.

[instrumental music]

- Huh?

- Oh, oh, hi, Abby.

I'm sorry.

Don't you wanna hear about

my psychology research?

Oh, yes, exactly, what

are you trying to determine?

Well, I'm focusing

on the factors that determine

the psychological development

of children in a large family.

I know the answer to that.

- Oh, what?

- Bathroom privileges.

You.

Okay, guys, now remember

on a grounder, you've gotta

get in front of the ball.

Keep your knees bent.

Keep your glove wide open

so if the ball takes a bad hop

'you can protect it

with your body.'

- 'Okay?'

- Yeah.

Okay, so let me throw you

some high pops, huh?

Now, we gotta work

on our double plays.

Okay, first of all

the key to a double play

'is a pivoted second base.'

Okay, now watch.

Okay, you gotta run,

you gotta pivot on your left

spin to right, and you gotta

zip it into first.

- Okay?

- Wow.

How come you know

so much about baseball?

Hey, they used to call me

Homerun Bradford.

Never heard of ya.

Oh, yeah,

that's back in the dark ages.

Before they let girls

into the little league.

Susan.

There's a phone call for you

a Myron Lounge Berry.

Oh, Myron.

Well, sorry, guys.

Catch you later,

keep practicing, huh.

Nicholas, you better

get inside yourself.

Can we play a little longer?

No, no, there's too much

room cleaning to be done.

Come on, you can pick it up

first thing in the morning.

Okay, see you tomorrow, Bobby.

Yeah, see you, Nicholas.

Bobby, uh, can I drive you

home or something?

No, thanks, Mr. Bradford.

It's not far and I like to walk.

See you, Bobby.

(Bobby)

'See you, Nicholas.'

Bye, now.

[instrumental music]

[sighs]

Huh? Where are you going?

Oh, I'm just going downstairs

to fix myself a little snack.

No, no, I can't let you do that.

Go downstairs

and stuff yourself

in the middle of the night?

So, bring it back upstairs.

[instrumental music]

[intense music]

[music continues]

(Tommy)

'Hey, who invited

the cookie monster back?'

You know, Bobby, we're

very happy to have you here

as our guest, but, uh

don't you think your parents

are going to be worried?

Why don't we call them?

Bobby, don't you

want us to call your parents?

Well, maybe you could

just tell us your last name.

Why don't you

give us your address?

I'll be happy to drive you home.

I know why he's not talking.

His mouth is always full.

Hay, what's going on?

Bobby, what are you doing here?

Right now, Bobby is excusing you

to have

a private talk in the study.

Thank you, Bobby.

He didn't ask me my last name.

Why should I ask him his?

And you have no idea

where he lives?

He never talked about home.

I just met him.

And all I know is that

he's a great second baseman.

And an expert

of taking the fifth.

Fifth, what?

The fifth amendment to

the constitution, Nicholas.

'It protects you

from thinking on yourself.'

[doorbell rings]

Oh, hi, Ed, come on in.

Listen, something's come up.

So I'm just gonna be

a few minutes.

- Is that okay?

- Oh, I understand, go ahead.

Okay, and can I take your coat?

- Sure.

- Um.

Why don't you start setting up?

I hope you don't mind conducting

interviews in the kitchen.

Not at all, that's usually what

children feel most comfortable.

Oh, good, it's right this way.

I should,

I shouldn't be too long.

- Take your time.

- Okay.

Hi.

'Which one are you?'

Bobby.

Ed Gardner, Bobby.

Nice to know you.

What are those?

Oh, these are few of the tests

we're gonna be

using in the survey.

Looks like school stuff.

Well, actually,

it is school stuff.

But, we're hoping

it'll be fun too.

How can tests be fun?

Well..

Here, let me try

to give you an example.

You like to draw, don't you?

It's okay.

Well..

Draw me a picture.

Oh, it can be anything, Bobby.

You don't have to make it fancy.

I hate to

have to say this, Nicholas.

But I think that

we should call the police.

- The police?

- Yes, Nicholas.

Bobby's parents are probably

very worried about him.

That's why we should file

a missing person's report.

But Bobby's

not a missing person.

We all know where he is.

Yes, but his parents don't.

In this way

the police can find them

and maybe get them

all back together.

But if the police

have to find his parents

how come they are

not the missing persons?

(Ed)

That's really good, Bobby.

Now, if you could

give this a name

what would you call it?

I don't know.

Come on..

Call it anything you want.

Okay, how about

The boy who could

take care of himself?

[intense music]

That's very good.

Um, can I keep this?

- Sure, can I go now?

- Sure, goodbye.

I am sorry. I'm late.

I almost delayed.

Well, it's okay,

I already got a start

with one of your brood.

Really? Well, they said

you were efficient.

Any conclusions?

Well, it's too early to tell ya.

But I detect a high quotient

of self-reliance.

And quite frankly,

a puzzling distrust

of, uh, grown-ups.

That's a Bradford.

Yeah, we-we were thinking

of catching that

afternoon matinee or..

Oh, she says it's not

as good as the original.

Nothing is.

Debbie Altman just takes

pride in her appearance.

Oh, if she had pride,

she wouldn't go through with it.

Oh, come on, you know you'd do

the same thing

if dad could afford it.

(Elizabeth)

'I would not.'

Oh, I'm sorry.

Would you say again, what?

Oh, Tommy, Elizabeth,

the doctor will see you now.

'Just come in

and pull up the couch.'

Yeah, okay.

Now that's a good idea.

Wait, listen, do you wanna go..

Ed Gardner,

I'd like you to meet

Tommy and Elizabeth Bradford.

Nice to meet you, Tommy.

- Elizabeth.

- Hi.

Please be seated.

I can see the similarity between

you and your younger sibling.

Really? I never could.

(Ed)

Our work today

should be very interesting.

Okay, Tommy, ready?

Now what does this

remind you of?

A convertible

that burns oil.

[sighs]

My dad said

the police won't do anything

but take you home.

Yeah, I know.

I didn't think

you were a missing person.

It's okay, Nicholas.

It's not your fault.

It's nobody's fault.

We can still be

friends, can't we?

Sure.

[Tommy coughing]

You guys are doing great. Now,

we're gonna do another test.

It's, um, word associations.

Now, I'll say a word,

and we'd like you to respond

with the first thought

that pops into your head.

- Be careful.

- Take care of yourself.

Now, it's important that

you go with your instincts.

Don't stop and think

about the answer.

Just blurt it out.

- That's right.

- 'Okay, ready?'

Here we go.

Smile.

- Steve Robinson.

- Debbie Altman.

Interesting.

Alright.

'Telephone.'

- Steve Robinson.

- Debbie Altman.

Hmm.

How about, uh...water?

- Steve Robinson.

- Debbie Altman.

Debbie Altman?

Oh, I'd love to see

her in a bathing suite.

- Hmm.

- Steve Robinson?

Yeah, he's on the swim team.

[clears throat]

I think that we should try, uh..

...another test.

[knocking on door]

I'll get it.

Oh, hi.

Uh, and a good day

to you too, uh..

- Joannie?

- Susan.

I-I'm sorry, I should've known.

Uh, may I come in?

- Sure.

- Thank you.

Why do I

always get these clones?

Hey, dad,

it's the long arm of the law.

Oh, Officer Bernstein.

Good to see you.

We have

an awkward situation here.

Uh, yeah, so, what else is new?

Listen, this report

came in on a missing child.

Right after you called.

It's on a male, Caucasian.

Age nine, inches height.

Sandy brown hair.

'Brown eyes,

no identifiable birth marks.'

'Does that sound

familiar to you?'

Yep, real dragnet.

Yes, that's him.

Whose name is,

Taylor, Bobby Taylor.

Have you notified his parents?

They must be worried sick.

Well, actually,

the report says that

Bobby has no parents.

He's a foster child.

Oh, dad, no wonder

he didn't wanna go back.

People that he lives with

happen to be

very concerned about him.

He's upstairs in Nicholas' room.

I'll go get him.

(Bernstein)

'Thanks.'

You know, it doesn't seem fair.

Murders are being committed

and all the police have to do

is take little boys

'where they don't wanna go.'

Look, Susan, they keep

a very close watch

on foster families

in this state.

Those people have to take

very good care of Bobby.

Yeah, then why doesn't he

wanna leave here?

There's no accounting for taste.

Bobby, this is

Officer Bernstein.

Hiya, Bobby.

Ready to go?

Hey, don't forget Bobby, uh

Homerun Bradford still owes

you a hitting session.

Yeah, and we're gonna practice

our double plays.

[dramatic music]

Come on, son. Let's go.

[door closes]

[engine revving]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

Hey, Nicholas.

What are you doing inside

on such a beautiful day?

Nothing to do.

I guess you're, uh..

Guess you're pretty worried

about Bobby, huh?

Abby, how come Bobby doesn't

wanna live with the Fosters?

With who?

The Foster family.

You know, where dad said

they were taking him back to.

Oh, I see, well, um..

See, I-I guess we didn't

explain this very good.

It's-it's not that,

that Bobby lives

with a family named foster,

he lives with a foster family.

Isn't that what I just said?

Not exactly,

see foster can be a name

but it can also be a word too.

And it means to raise

o-o-or to care for.

'You see Bobby's foster family

is a family'

that's agreed to raise

and care for Bobby

in place of his real family.

Why doesn't his real parents

do it?

Mm...I-I don't know, i-it, um..

...it could be a lot of reasons.

'Maybe he doesn't have any.'

No parents?

I guess, I'm pretty lucky, huh?

Guess, we both are...

pretty lucky.

Abby said that she'll be

right down, Mr. Gardner.

'Don't get up.'

Please, Mr. Bradford,

just call me Ed.

Oh, alright, thanks, I'm Tom.

How are the, uh, tests going?

[sighs]

- Slow.

- Slow? My children?

Oh, please, Tom, it has

no reflection on them.

It's just that, uh, with all

the data we're discovering

I'm...being thrown off balance.

Oh, my children have got me

off balance for years.

Even since the stork

delivered David

in the hospital parking lot.

Ooh, must have been scary?

No, only when the cars

we were blocking kept honking.

If that had happened to me,

I think I'd never have

the courage to continue

with sibling number two.

Let alone three through eight.

Courage has nothing to do

with it. It's all luck.

Luck, I'd say you've been

plagued with burdens

that would destroy most men.

Somehow even when

you're off balance

you don't think

of your children as burdens.

They're blessings, Ed.

Blessings.

Hmm.

Here, Tom, have a look.

- What is this?

- Tell me what you think it is?

I asked you first.

Well, it's quite obvious.

It's a..

It's part of the test

that I'm giving your children.

Really, that's what

I thought it was.

And it would be

very helpful to the study

if you would tell me

what you see in this picture.

That would help them?

Possibly could indicate

meaningful psychological

correlations between

parent and offspring.

- That?

- This.

(Ed)

'Now, just relax, Tom.'

There's nothing to be afraid of.

Just tell me

what you see in this.

Witchcraft.

Okay, I'll check with her

and, uh..

[indistinct chatter]

Hey, Nikki, um,

we gotta use the phone.

How long you're gonna be?

How should I know?

I'm being held.

Debbie just went in for some

self-improvement. That's all.

Oh, come off it, Tommy.

In my opinion she hasn't

improved herself, one bit.

Oh-ho-ho.

You're just jealous, that's all.

[Elizabeth scoffs]

Officer Bernstein?

You're not Officer Bernstein.

I want Officer Bernstein.

What? Yeah.

Does he work there?

Okay, I'll go on hold again.

But this time, don't forget me.

Oh, hi, Nikki,

what are you up to?

Well, I'm trying to find Bobby.

- Any luck?

- Are you kidding?

I can't even find

Officer Bernstein.

- Officer Bernstein?

- Yeah.

I figured if Officer Bernstein

took Bobby home

he know where he lived.

Hey, good thinking.

Except every time

I try to get Officer Bernstein

I get put on hold.

Oh, looks like you're up against

the old bureaucratic stone wall.

But I think

I know a way over it.

- You do?

- Mm-hmm.

Come on, we need some privacy.

Uh, yes,

juvenile division, please.

Uh, y-yes, this is Ms. Nicholas

of the juvenile officers

division.

Uh, yes, well,

we understand that

you had a foster child

named Bobby Taylor

processed through your office

yesterday as a run away.

Well, we'd like an address check

for our computer, please.

[whispers]

They're lookin' it up.

Uh, yes, uh, ,

West Prospect Street.

And the family's name

is Spinney.

- Spinney?

- Uh, Spinney.

Uh, no, no, that would be all.

Yes, thank you very much.

Thank you.

- So much for stone walls.

- Alright!

Alright.

[sighs]

I don't know, I don't know,

what I'm supposed

to do with this one..

Just check that out for me.

- This right here.

- That's right.

- No, but--

- Hi.

Oh, you're just the sibling

we were looking for.

Can you, can you sit down?

Do you have time to be tested?

Uh, no, sorry, I can't,

Nicholas is waiting in the car.

- Hey, guess what?

- What?

- We found where Bobby lives.

- Good.

(Susan)

'Yeah. I'm taking Nicholas

over to his house.'

Can I borrow

the car keys, please?

Sure, yeah.

- It's, uh, right on the top.

- Thanks a lot.

- 'Bye.'

- Catch you later.

Uh, what do you mean,

going over to Bobby's?

You mean one of my favorite

Bradfords isn't a Bradford?

Oh, you mean you thought he was?

Well, of course. It's--

No, no, no, no.

See, Bobby's a foster child.

But he doesn't seem

very happy at home.

He sure seemed happy here.

I've got him computed

into all my statistics.

Does it count

if he wants to be a Bradford?

I beg your pardon?

- It was a joke.

- Oh...oh!

[chuckles]

[instrumental music]

- Guess that's it.

- It's nicer than I thought.

Yeah, it's okay.

Guess things have

really improved

since those old

Shirley Temple movies.

Uh, excuse me,

are you Mrs. Spinney?

Oh, yes, what can I do for you?

Oh, hi, I'm Susan Bradford,

this is my brother Nicholas.

Oh, you're Bobby's friends.

Oh, he never stops talking

about your family.

Could we talk to Bobby?

Oh, I'm sorry, Bobby's gone

shopping with my husband

and I'm not sure

when he'll be back.

I guess, you were

pretty worried the other night

when Bobby stayed at our house.

We were very worried.

But...we had been expecting

something like this to happen.

- You've been expecting it?

- Well, yes.

Since his parents d*ed

Bobby's been in five different

foster homes

and, well, he's run away

from all of them.

They must have been

pretty bad places.

- Not if they're like this.

- Oh, thank you.

But in Bobby's case, it's not

a question of good or bad

he's looking for a real family.

'One he can be part of

for the rest of his life.'

Well, what about adoption?

Well, most couples want babies,

not nine year olds.

Why don't you adopt Bobby?

We'd like to, Nicholas,

Bobby's a nice boy.

But...my husband and I

are going to retire next year

and I don't think

it would be fair to Bobby.

He needs a younger family.

Come on, Susan, we gotta go.

Oh, goodbye, Mrs. Spinney. It

was really nice talking to you.

Goodbye. I'll tell Bobby

you came by.

Thanks a lot. Bye-bye.

What's the big hurry?

There's a family we gotta

talk to, before it gets too old.

- You wanna, what?

- Adopt Bobby.

Come on, dad, what's one more?

Do you want me to break it down

for you in dollars and cents?

I think it looks like, um,

a desolate man walking aimlessly

through a jungle

of materialistic chaos.

[scoffs]

You're crazy.

It's obviously

a close-up of an insect

walking through

a deep pile of carpeting.

No, no, no,

it's out of the question.

What's out of the question?

Dad, we wouldn't have

to adopt Bobby.

We could just take over

as his foster family.

- Who's Bobby?

- You wanna adopt Bobby?

(Susan)

'Abby, he needs

a permanent home.'

Yeah, so he doesn't have

to run away anymore.

(Abby)

'Well, where would he sleep?'

We could convert

the screen porch, easy.

Who's Bobby?

Aren't there zoning laws

that prohibit

more than eight kids

to a bathroom.

Come on, this is not funny.

No, of course,

it isn't, Nicholas.

And that's why

we can't rush into it.

Is Bobby's foster home that bad?

No, but he needs

a younger family.

Who's Bobby?

I know you two mean well..

We all care about Bobby

but there could be

a lot of problems.

It's just not practical.

Can't you see that?

Yeah, it's what grown-ups say,

when they mean no.

Well, now that

I don't know who Bobby is

would someone not tell me

what's going on?

- Mr. Gardner.

- Hmm.

May I talk to you for a minute?

Of course, uh..

- Uh, Nancy.

- Nancy, right.

What can I do for you?

I'd like you to take

a look at these.

Oh, I hate to disappoint you,

Nancy, but the truth is

I'm the one

conducting the survey.

Oh, I don't want your opinion

as a psychologist

I want your opinion

as a customer.

A what?

How much do you think

I could sell these for, huh?

- Those?

- Yes.

I know it's pretty obvious in

the test you've been giving me

that I'm frustrated

as a mere worker.

- Not really.

- I am.

And I've been looking for

a respectable business.

One that I could get into

with a very little investment.

What could be better than blots?

- It's a business?

- Yeah, why not?

I figure, whatever

you're paying for

for your blots,

I will charge double.

Well, I really didn't buy

my blots. I made them.

Oh. Oh!

Well, Mr. Gardner,

maybe you are a likely prospect.

Mr. Gardner, take a look

at my lovely..

[knocking on door]

(Tom)

'Nicholas, may I come in?'

It's your house.

[door opens]

No, no, it's our house.

Well, then how come Bobby

can't live in our house?

Well..

That's what I wanna

talk to you about.

You mean you changed your mind?

No, but I-I think I'd have to

owe you an explanation.

You know, adoption

is not such a simple thing.

It's not just a matter

of having Bobby

live here in the house with us.

He would become

a part of this family.

An equal part.

Besides, the financial

responsibilities

there are-are

emotional ones too.

And right now, this family

has their hands full, Nicholas.

He wouldn't be any trouble.

You wouldn't even know

he was around.

Yeah, but do you think

Bobby is looking for a family

that doesn't even

know he is around?

I'll know he was around.

Bobby needs more than

a friend his own age.

He needs parents that can

give him a lot of attention.

Well, you can take some of my

attention and give it to him.

That's very generous of you,

Nicholas.

But it wouldn't be fair to you.

Or to him.

'I mean, suppose

we did adopt Bobby'

and then all of a sudden,

another family comes along

that would be even

better for him.

The foster lady said, no one

wants a nine year old boy.

Sure they do.

It just takes time, that's all.

Nicholas, you gotta stop

worrying about Bobby.

He is under the care

of the proper authorities.

He is exactly

where he should be.

[instrumental music]

Okay, it's my turn.

Um, Ed Gardner?

Pipe smoke!

Oh, Mary, that's so obvious.

Look, do I give bad reviews

to your associations?

Come on, Joannie, well, what

would you say to Ed Gardner?

Well, anything

but pipe smoke. Gee!

Come on, Elizabeth,

give me another one.

Mm, Officer Bernstein?

Notebook.

Cuddly.

Touche!

Only one answer

to a question, please.

Mm, okay, it's my turn.

Um, I'll think of someb..

Um, Bobby Taylor?

- Bobby Taylor?

- Sad.

Yeah, exactly.

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

Bobby?

Bobby?

Did you sleep okay?

Little cold.

I'll bring you some more

blankets tonight.

Thanks, Nicholas.

But I can't stay here.

No bathroom? Don't worry.

I'll show you a shortcut

to the service station.

That's not it, Nicholas.

The police will be

coming for me.

Are you sure?

They always do.

Where will you go?

I've been thinking about that.

Down the river?

Yeah.

All by yourself?

Unless I could find some friend.

- I'll go.

- You?

Why not? Huckleberry Flynn

had a friend.

I don't know

about that, Nicholas.

Come on, Bobby,

I wanna go with ya.

Well, okay. After all,

it is your raft.

Yeah.

Now that that's settled,

let's think about breakfast.

Good thinking.

Okay.

[yawns]

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

Nicholas. Boy, are you up early!

Yeah, it makes the day

last longer.

Would you like some

blueberry pancakes?

Um, no thanks, Abby.

I'm kind of in a hurry.

You're turning down

blueberry pancakes?

No, I'm turning down waiting

for blueberry pancakes.

Should we blow up the raft here,

or after we get to the river?

Here. It never hurts

to be ready.

Where are we rafting to, anyway?

Wherever the river

takes us to, I guess.

How long does it take

to get to the river?

Not long, once we

find out where it is.

You mean, you don't know?

How should I?

I've never been there.

But don't worry, we'll both

know when you get us a map.

Come on, Abby, just

a sneak preview, please.

Nope, nobody gets

the results of the test

until Ed and I turn the menu.

You just have to settle

for pancakes.

[grunts]

Pancakes?

Um, did I hear somebody

mention pancakes?

- Uh-huh.

- Blueberry pancakes.

What's the occasion?

[in German accent]

Professor Bradford sibling

studies

are drawing to a close.

Her pent-up maternal instincts

are erupting in pancakes.

- Oh, you mean no more blots?

- Nope.

Ed is packing up

his couch and going home.

No, we'll tell him

to pack his pipe.

This place is becoming

a permanent smotherloo.

Abby, when do we get

the final test results?

That depends on how much peace

and quiet we get around here.

- Peace and quiet?

- 'Hmm.'

In other words, we'll never

get the test results.

I am not jealous

of Debbie Altman.

That's the most ridiculous

thing I've ever heard.

Uh-huh, I bet you,

you can't wait

to do the same thing yourself.

I wouldn't do that.

I'm perfect the way I am.

Look at you guys.

This has been driving

Joannie and I crazy for days.

I mean, what is it

with you two and Debbie Altman?

Go ahead, tell them, chauvinist.

I'll bet they'll agree with me.

Huh?

Okay, if a girl

doesn't like her looks, you know

and she feels she needs

something extra..

But she doesn't.

But it's her body, isn't it?

'I mean, i-if she has the money'

and she wants

to look really foxy..

Why shouldn't she

get her teeth capped?

- Teeth capped?

- No, no reason at all.

[doorbell ringing]

Must be Ed Gardner. I'll get it.

(Tom)

'Okay.'

Well, aren't you

the early bird? Oh..

Actually this morning

I feel more like the worm.

So when the Spinneys

called to report

that Bobby was missing again

this was the first place

that I thought of again.

I wish I could help you.

We haven't seen Bobby since, uh,

well, since you picked him up.

I don't even think

Nicholas has seen him, really.

What are you doing here?

Oh, Nicholas,

maybe you can help.

Officer Bernstein

is looking for Bobby.

Have you seen him lately?

No.

Oh, cheer up, Nicholas.

We'll find him for you.

Well, sorry to have bothered

you again, Mr. Bradford.

Oh, no problem.

If there's anything

we can do for you

please, just let us know.

Well, you could move

to New Jersey.

But until then, thanks a lot.

Do you know anybody in Jersey?

[chuckles]

Move to New Jersey!

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

- You got the map?

- Yeah.

Okay, we gotta hurry up

and get out of here

before the cops come.

Okay.

Now, did you find the river?

No, but I think

I found the ocean.

Hey, how are we gonna

get this thing out the door?

I don't know!

Come on, Nicholas, open up!

Come on!

I know you're in there.

I can't!

(Tom)

'I'll deal with you later.'

- But, dad.

- March.

It's my fault.

Nicholas was just

trying to help me.

We'd all like to

help you, Bobby.

Sure you would.

You gonna call the cops now?

Yeah, I'm afraid I have to.

They can't make me stay

where I don't want to.

No, they can't.

You can run away again

and again and again.

But if you stop

to think about it

you'll realize that running away

isn't gonna solve anything.

Well..

...guess I better

get it over with.

Oh, yes, this is Tom Bradford.

[clears throat]

Officer Bernstein

was over my house this morning

looking for a missing child.

'Would you tell him'

'that Bobby Taylor

has come back here?'

Yes, he'll be waiting

here for him.

Thank you.

Sorry, we had to

do it this way, Bobby.

But...I hope we can

still be friends.

Bobby?

[indistinct chatter]

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Let me get this straight.

When I thought

that Bobby was here

'and you said that he wasn't,

he really was.'

And then when I didn't think

that he was here

and you called

and said that he was.

- Mm-hmm.

- 'Now he really isn't?'

You know, Mr. Bradford

sometimes I wonder

what I did to deserve you.

Nicholas, do you know

where Bobby is?

He wouldn't have floated down

to Sacramento without me.

Yeah, and we checked

the play house.

Yeah, it was nothing

but wall-to-wall raft.

Did you guys notice

a cop car outside?

Oh, no, not again.

Yeah, my sentiments exactly.

And I think my sergeant's

gonna feel the same way.

At least when he ran away

to us we knew he was safe.

Well, do you think the police

are gonna do anything?

Oh, why wait for the police?

I mean, they'll probably

just put two guys on the job.

- We've got eight.

- Uh, make that nine.

Yeah, what are we waiting for?

Let's go. I'll take Elm Street.

Okay, okay.

[indistinct chatter]

I'll be right with you.

[instrumental music]

Is this seat taken?

That's pretty nice mitts,

you got there.

It does the job.

Mind if I take a look?

Don't stretch out the fingers.

Okay.

Awful lot of oil in this pocket.

- You gotta work it in.

- Oh.

How'd you find me anyway?

Well, I had

a little inside information.

Still had that picture you drew.

Oh.

You know, when I was your age

I used to work out my problems

on the nearest way I can find.

Just like you.

What kind of problems

did you have?

Mm, not being good enough

to get on a baseball team

for one.

That's not my problem.

- Mine's a lot worse.

- Oh, I know.

But there are people

who are trying to help.

Who, social workers?

They just keep sticking me

in foster homes.

Doing the best they can.

They have a pretty tough job.

Yeah, I know.

That's why I gotta take care

of myself.

Yeah. And I bet you do

a pretty good job at it too.

Yeah, but who else is there?

Well, well, I was hoping

that I could help you

and, uh...you could help me.

I know you were concerned

for Bobby

but it was wrong to lie.

But is it right to squeal?

Trusting people who you love

is not squealing.

We're just as concerned

about what happens to Bobby

as you are.

Dad, what is gonna happen

to Bobby?

I don't know, Nicholas.

But one good thing

has happened to him already.

- What?

- You.

(Susan)

Dad!'

Dad, Ed Gardner found Bobby.

[sighs]

Well, that's uh,

very impressive detective work.

Well, don't forget

child behavior is my specialty.

Well, it's mine too.

How come it never seems

to help around here?

That's what makes

this house so exciting.

It's totally unpredictable,

uninhibited, un..

- Unprintable?

- Oh.

(Ed)

Exactly.

Can't tell you

how dull my house is

compared to yours.

Oh, what I'd give

for an hour of quiet and dull.

Mm, I'm getting to feel

just the opposite.

It looks like it's more fun

living with multi-siblings

than just studying them.

- Ooh!

- Ahem.

What would your wife

and daughter say to that?

I'll let you know

after I clear with Mrs. Spinney

for Bobby to spend the night.

Oh, and then what?

Well, he's still

my favorite Bradford.

We'll see what happens.

Whoa!

Good catch.

Hey, wanna be our first baseman?

Sure.

I wouldn't worry

about being bad at Baseball.

You'll teach me?

Well, we could see about that.

[instrumental music]

Oh, that's great.

Oh, that's so wonderful. Okay.

Okay, we'll talk to you soon.

Be in touch, bye-bye.

That was Ed Gardner.

- Oh, how's Bobby?

- He's great.

They're just getting ready

to file the adoption papers.

Oh, good. That means Bobby

won't have to run away anymore.

- Yeah, too bad.

- What?

Nicholas, you sound like

you want Bobby to run away.

It was fun

when he spent the night.

He can still spend the night.

Only now his parents

will know where he is.

Oh, Abby, did Ed say anything

about the research project?

As a matter of fact, he did.

Well, tell us

who's the strangest sibling

of them all?

[giggles]

Ed and I are gonna have to

scrap your test results.

Aw, how come?

(Abby)

'Well, we're not sure, see?'

It could have been

improper factor analysis.

Or maybe we just lost track

of the, of the differential

variables.

We don't know.

Can you say that again

in English, please?

Uh, yeah.

The computer discovered

that the Bradfords

are in no way

your typical multi-sibling

family.

Hmm, what else is new?

We are so far from normal

we couldn't even fit

the results on the graph!

Well, when you're weird,

you're weird.

The computer did come up

with one suggestion.

And what is that?

- To retest.

- Retest?

Uh, speaking of that very thing

I-I have to study

for one, okay, bye.

You know how the old school work

piles up.

I think, I think

my plants need water.

(Elizabeth)

'I-I'll get the water, Joannie.'

(Nancy)

'And I have

a phone call to make.'

You know how hard it is,

working on double plays?

Don't look at me,

the last time I was a sibling

they called 'em

brothers and sisters.

[theme music]

[music continues]