03x23 - The Better Part of Valor

[bunniefuu]

[instrumental music]

Yeah, I know

what you mean, Peggy.

It's like she couldn't

care less about him.

Oh, I don't know, I think

she really likes him though.

I mean, he is kind of cute

in a little boyish manner.

You'd just wanna

mother him to death.

You know what I mean?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Dave's at a real fox.

Yeah? How did you know?

'Is it really that obvious?'

'Well, do you think

he knows who I am?'

I smiled at him

Thursday at study hall.

I think he smiled back too.

Of course, I can't be sure

but, oh gosh,

those big baby blue eyes.

'Have you ever seen eyes

like those before?'

Oh, don't they just destroy you?

Oh. Oh sure.

Okay, I'll let you know.

Bye-bye.

[sighs]

Big baby blue eyes.

[instrumental music]

Big baby blue eyes.

Nicholas, you weren't.

I sure was.

- 'Nicholas?'

- And boy, was it boring!

Nicholas!

["Eight Is Enough"]

♪ There's a magic in the

early morning we've found ♪

♪ When the sunrise smiles

on everything around ♪

♪ It's a portrait

of the happiness ♪

♪ That we feel and always will ♪

♪ For eight is enough ♪

♪ To fill our lives with love ♪

♪ Oh we spend our days ♪

♪ Like bright

and shiny new dimes ♪

♪ If we're ever puzzled ♪

♪ By the changing times ♪

♪ There's a plate

of homemade wishes ♪

♪ On the kitchen windowsill ♪

♪ And eight is enough ♪

♪ To fill our lives with love ♪♪

[instrumental music]

(Abby)

'Anne Cavalluzzi called

and she wants me to take'

'American literature class

for three weeks.'

(Tom)

I didn't think that you'd be

interested in a classroom situ--

Oh, I-I think it'd be fun for

a change of pace, you know.

And besides my license

is current

and well, Anne wants someone

who-who will do something more

than just take attendance

and keep them quiet.

You know, someone

who'll teach them something.

Oh, high school

American literature.

Yes, "Moby d*ck",

to be specific.

- Isn't that neat?

- Well, you're very excited.

- Yes, I am. I'm very excited.

- That's wonderful!

I'm happy for you.

Well, we'll celebrate tonight.

But first I wanna go

over to David's.

I'm going to offer

him that dresser

that we don't use anymore.

- You wanna come with me?

- Oh, no.

I-I have to re-read "Moby d*ck."

- Oh, Abby.

- 'What?'

The whale did it.

Cute.

Oh! Uh..

- Hi!

- Oh, hi!

- I guess nobody's home.

- Oh, well, gee, maybe not.

Uh, uh, c-can I help you or..

- Oh, are you the landlord?

- No, no, no.

T-t-the young man

who lives here is-is my son.

Hey! Tom Bradford. Well, I've

certainly wanted to meet you.

Oh, well.

Gee, thank you.

- Well, you work with David?

- Oh, no, no, no, no.

Actually, the, the young woman

that lives with

your son is-is my daughter.

I'm George McArthur.

Oh, well, yeah, how do you do?

Boy, isn't this

some coincidence?

I was just saying to Sylvia

the other day.

"We've got to get together

with the Bradfords."

Right, yes, I was just saying

to Abby t-the same thing.

Oh, sure, you know,

it's only natural.

It's not as though we don't

have anything in common, huh?

Oh, yes. Ab-absolutely.

Oh-oh my gosh, look at the..

Did you know what time it is?

You'll-you'll have to excuse me.

'I-I was just on my way.'

I think I'll hang around, see

if my little girl comes home.

I don't get much of a chance

to see her these days.

Yes, yes,

I know how that can be.

Oh, and remember now, you know.

I meant what I said, right?

Let's get together.

Just the four of us, alright?

- You bet.

- Yeah.

Pleasure to meet you.

No kidding.

Mrs. Cavalluzzi's class?

American lit.

Yeah, what do you think?

I think I'll switch

English classes.

It wouldn't do you any good.

Why not? You've already

infiltrated the enemy.

Now you've got access

to vital information

that could be passed on

to us younger Bradfords.

Yeah, and you could

sneak out tests.

Why bother,

just grab the grade book.

Yeah, an arrangement like that

could get me back in school.

Character begins at home.

Tommy, Elizabeth,

we could carpool to school.

- In the van?

- 'Mmm. I'll pay half the gas.'

You mean, you'd show up

for your first day at school

in Tommy's van?

- Why not?

- 'Yeah.'

Abby, I mean, uh..

don't you think, you know,

being a teacher in a high school

you ought to have

a little dignity, I mean?

Joannie, you've seen

your last ride in my van.

[instrumental music]

Okay, we're gonna park it.

We'll see you later, huh?

Okay. See you guys.

Wish me luck.

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chattering]

Shh. Shh. Shh.

Um, hello, uh,

my name is Abby Bradford

and as you know, Anne Cavalluzzi

will be out for three weeks.

So I'm filling in for her.

Um, yeah, well,

now for the good news.

Anne tells me that you're

expecting this little test.

[groaning]

Oh, see, I knew we'd hit it off.

Here you go.

Just do the best you can.

Take your books off

the desk please.

This is a test.

Excuse me,

are-are you in this class?

You're almost ten minutes late.

I got hung up, sorry. Shh.

This is a test.

That's right, and

I suggest you get right to it.

Yeah, sure, ma'am.

She's gotta be kidding.

Okay, name the four basic types

of tissue in the human body.

[exhales]

Alright.

Uh, number one,

epithelial tissue.

Good, you're here.

Two, connective tissue.

Where's my pink

cashmere sweater?

Three, nervous tissue.

The one you borrowed

from me ages ago.

- Four, muscular tissue.

- Mary!

Frequently used

when striking another person.

Look, you have no right

to be angry at me.

You stole my sweater.

Nancy, I didn't..

I didn't steal anything, okay?

I just borrowed it.

Yeah and you never gave it back.

Look, I-I had to have

it cleaned, didn't I?

I-I took it to the cleaners.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mary.

- Thanks.

- Bye, next question.

Where's the ticket?

I meant, her next question.

Okay, Nancy, look, I-I lost the

little ticket, I don't have it.

You lost the ticket?

Better the ticket

than the sweater.

Just go down

to Lawson's Cleaners

and pick it up, see and explain,

everything will be fine.

She's off.

Jeez, some people have

no sense of humor.

- Real soon?

- Real soon.

Those where his exact words.

- And what did you say?

- I mumbled.

I stood there and I mumbled.

I mean, what do you say

to the man who's little girl

is living with your son?

- Little girl?

- 'That's what he said.'

He said, "I never get a chance

to see my little girl anymore."

Why don't we just invite them

over to dinner?

Oh, no, please.

What would we talk about?

I mean, I-I find this whole

situation extremely awkward.

The only thing we have

in common is the subject

that I'd like to avoid.

Oh, well, apparently

he doesn't feel the same way.

I don't know about that.

He's very friendly.

Almost too friendly.

Do you know the way people are

when they overcompensate

because they're embarrassed

about something.

Hmm. Tom, I think

you're just projecting.

He probably was just looking

for some conversation,

Gome Mr. McArthur.

- Hmm. No, George.

- George.

- His name is George.

- George.

George and...Shirley

or something.

Oh, gosh.

Why couldn't David have just

eloped like a normal child?

So you see, our friend Melville

really did have

something deeper in mind

than simply depicting life

on a th century whaling boat.

[school bell rings]

Okay, now be sure to read up

till chapter four by tomorrow

and read the digressions.

They're really fun.

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, is really not a very

gratifying grade, is it?

- Didn't anybody tell you?

- Tell me what?

Who I am.

I know your name

is Henry Dixson

and I think you have a lot

of work to do in this class.

You really don't know, do you?

Miss Bradford,

I'm the leading scorer

on this school's

basketball team.

Well, points on a basketball

court is outstanding.

But points

in my class is a fail.

Exactly.

And as long as I'm failing

this course

I'm on academic restriction

which means

I can't play basketball.

'And at the moment,

we're two games away'

'from the city finals.'

Well, Henry, if-if you'd

like some extra help, I'll--

Look, you're new here.

Talk to the other teachers here

about me, they'll explain.

Are you implying

what I think you're implying?

You got it.

[sighs]

I don't believe this.

This is high school.

Yeah, well, truth is stranger

than fiction, ain't it?

I don't like

your attitude, Mr. Dixon

so you better get this straight.

You don't get a free ride in my

class, do you understand that?

[dramatic music]

Hi, Dix!

- What's wrong with him?

- A difference of opinion.

He thought points was

a passing grade and I didn't.

- You mean, you flunked Dix?

- I certainly did.

Well, that means

he's not gonna be able

to play in the city finals.

So I've been told.

Don't look so shocked, Tommy,

there are things more important

in life than basketball.

[music continues]

(Tommy)

'Of all the guys

she has to pick to flunk'

she's gotta flunk Dixon.

Did she know who he was?

Oh, come on, you just

take one look at the guy

and you know he's a jock.

Oh, well, maybe Abby doesn't

understand these things.

Yeah, well, you know who's gonna

catch all the guff about this.

- You and me.

- I don't know.

My friends really aren't

into basketball that much.

It's more of a

social thing with us.

Yeah, well my friends

take it a lot more seriously.

I just hope they realize

she's only my stepmother.

Well, Tommy, you didn't

really mean that, did you?

What's the matter? You're really

letting this thing get to you.

Yeah, you're right.

It's not my problem.

Right?

Yeah, that's right.

It's the pink cashmere

cardigan sweater.

And it cost an arm and a leg

and maybe even a head.

Mary's.. Oh, never mind.

So you'll look for it?

Oh, terrific.

I'll pick it up

this afternoon.

'Thanks a lot. Bye-bye.'

Nicholas, what are you doing?

Why can't you walk down

the stairs, one at a time

like a normal human being?

Well, I could, see,

but if I did that

I wouldn't be a paratrooper

jumping out of an aeroplane.

Bradford.

- What do you say, Dix?

- I don't know.

- You got any ideas?

- What?

You're related to that

substitute teacher, right?

Yeah.

Tell me something.

Why is she on my case?

Hey, look, Dix,

you got a on that test.

I know what I got on that test.

Problem is, what are

we gonna do about it?

"We?"

Hey, I don't think

this is any of my business.

I think you can make it

your business, if you wanted to.

Look, Dix, I really don't think

there's anything I can do.

Hey, Bradford,

do want me to play basketball

for this school?

Yeah, sure, Dix.

Then think of somethin'.

[dramatic music]

Hi.

H-hello!

I see they're keepin' you busy.

Yeah, p-paper work.

Mountains of it.

I'm Burt Pollard.

Oh, Abby Bradford.

Coach Pollard actually.

Oh, don't tell me,

you coach basketball.

[chuckles]

So, uh, you're replacing

Anne Cavalluzzi.

Hm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, Anne's a,

Anne's quiet a basketball fan.

'She used to come down

and root for the kids.'

As opposed to other

hard-nosed types

who fail your star players?

That's one way of lookin' at it.

Another way of lookin' at it,

is that someday Henry Dixon

has to learn that, there's

more to life than basketball.

For you and me maybe.

Look, ten months out of the year

I try to do something

with these kids.

And basketball is

my way of doing something.

Gives them a sense

of achievement.

A sense of being able

to something well.

Yes, but um..

What does it do for them

when they're trying

to support a large family,

but they don't have a good job

because they don't have

a decent education.

Education?

Listen, Mrs. Bradford..

Yale, isn't exactly banging

down Hank Dixon's door.

'The only sh*t he has at college

is the basketball scholarship.'

Then what?

Then...maybe the pros.

What happens

if he doesn't make the pros?

What happens

when he's an illiterate?

Wait, hold it,

he's not illiterate.

Okay, then,

what happens when he's, um..

a pampered, catered to,

unmotivated -year-old

who can't do anything in life,

but sink a ball in a basket?

- At least he has a sh*t.

- 'Oh, to one sh*t.'

Look, Mister..

Coach Pollard.

Y-you better hope

for this boy's sake

that if you fail, I don't.

[dramatic music]

Hi, Julie.

Oh, hi!

- How you doin'?

- Okay.

Hey, uh, listen, are we

still going to the pep rally

tomorrow afternoon?

You and me?

[sighs]

I don't think so, Tommy.

Listen, I gotta go.

I'm-I'm late for my ride.

Sure thing, Julie.

Oh, I don't remember

this being so heavy.

Must have gained weight

sitting around here

for years.

How is your back, dad?

You'll know in a moment

when you hear it snap.

Hope we don't have

any trouble with the stairs

leading to my apartment.

- You got it?

- Yeah.

Nicholas, would you get

the keys out of my right pocket?

There's nothin' here

but a pack of gum.

The other pocket

Nicholas, quick.

Hurry up, get up here

and give a hand.

[grunting]

Well, hello, Mr. Bradford.

Hi, Nicholas.

What are you doing here?

I live here, remember?

And I got out of

my seminar class early.

Hey, that looks

like a terrific dresser.

It would look a little

more terrific inside.

Right, oh, by the way,

guess what?

My parents are here.

So, I think the least we can do

is to keep

our thermostats down to .

Oh, yeah,

that's a very good point.

[laughing]

(Tom)

Oh, my gosh,

look at the time.

David, do you mind

running us back?

Nicholas and I

have to get home.

How come?

It's dinner time,

they're all waiting for us.

Nice seeing you again, George.

'Nice meeting you, Sylvia.'

[laughing]

Oh, now we're

looking forward

to getting together

with you and, uh, Abby.

Oh, yes, yes.

We are too.

Real soon. Real soon.

When?

When?

Well, how about tomorrow night?

- Tomorrow night? Uh..

- That'd be great.

"Wonder Frog" is

not on Wednesdays.

(George)

'Tomorrow night? Uh..'

Do we have anything on

tomorrow night, Sylvia?

Tomorrow night, I just can't

think of anything offhand.

Well, then I guess tomorrow

night's fine with us then.

Us too.

- o'clock, okay?

- o'clock is fine.

Come on, Nicholas.

- I'll be right back.

- I'll walk you guys to the car.

How was I supposed to know,

the kid was gonna say, "When?"

Oh, who knew Nicholas

was going to say "When?"

- Out of the mouths of babes.

- I'm afraid so.

Anyway, they're coming

here tomorrow night.

Come on,

we'll live through it.

Oh, yeah, sure,

we'll live through it.

If we can stay awake.

Oh, come on,

they can't be that bad.

You spent a half hour with them.

What'd you talk about?

Thermostats.

Thermostats?

Oh, if only this wasn't

so important to David.

I couldn't care less.

I fear the gentleman

does protest too much.

Alright. Let me put it this way.

I think they ought to get

together, if they want to

but not on account of us.

Well, your father's already met

my parents and it was..

Deadly.

It was worse than deadly.

It was disastrous.

[laughing]

Did you ever see

three people in a room

that had less

to say one another?

Never. I mean, they didn't

even dislike each other enough

to generate any sparks.

It's terrible.

[clears throat]

"I think all thermostats

should be set at ."

"I think you have a point

there, George."

[laughing]

[indistinct chatter]

Hi.

[laughing]

Well, that was quite a slam.

[dramatic music]

Hello!

I though you were going to

the pep rally this afternoon.

Oh, really, uh,

what gave you that idea?

Well, it's your team,

it's your school.

Oh, gosh, I thought

maybe you'd forgotten.

Look, Tommy, uh,

I'd like you to understand

that I'm only trying to do

what's best for Hank Dixon.

Oh, oh, I get it.

You're gonna change his

entire life in three weeks.

Well, I'm gonna try

to do something.

[scoffs]

This is great, it's terrific.

You get to play teacher

for three weeks

and I get to lose

all of my friends.

Come on,

what's Hank Dixon to you?

Oh, he's a student.

His future is important to me.

Oh, more than

your own son's present.

Or should I say stepson?

- That was uncalled for.

- 'Oh, was it?'

You're leaving in three weeks,

I'm not.

I've gotta go

back there every day

for the next two years.

Look, Tommy, it's my job

to try to help him.

Then do it!

Go ahead, be a terrific

substitute teacher

because I'll tell you one thing

you're not much

of a substitute mother.

[instrumental music]

Dad, are Janet's parents

our relatives?

[chuckles]

No, just think of them

as our guests.

Hopefully the kind

that leave early.

Do I have to kiss them

when they walk in?

No, no, no. They'll have

to be married for that.

You mean, Janet's parents

aren't married either?

Yes, of course,

they're married.

Look, David

is very fond of Janet

so he's having

her parents over here

so that we can get

to know them better.

You understand?

And because "Wonder Frog"

isn't on tonight.

Oh, listen, aren't you getting

ready for Janet's parents?

Uh, can I meet 'em

some other time?

I had a heavy day,

and I just wanna sack out

and do my homework.

Oh, you're not coming down

with anything, are you?

Maybe Abby should

take your temperature.

No, she's done enough

for me in one day.

Oh, that's nice.

[door closes]

(Mary)

'Don't let him get to you.

You know Tommy.'

I thought I knew Tommy.

Look, by tomorrow morning he-he

won't remember he even said it.

He'll remember.

And so will I.

Abby, if you're that hurt,

maybe you ought to tell dad.

[chuckles]

I don't want this

to turn into a disaster.

Tom will think

he has to defend me

and then he'll jump

all over Tommy.

And then that'll

just prove Tommy's point

that I'm a bad mother.

And a big troublemaker.

- You were just doing your job.

- One of my jobs.

Well, are you all ready

for the McArthurs?

- Sure am, dad.

- How about you, Abby?

I'll be ready

in about minutes.

You're not smiling.

Neither are you.

Well, I have an excuse.

I know how boring they are.

But don't worry. Cheer up.

I have a feeling

that this evening is going

to pass by

in a mere , years.

Nancy!

Nancy! How dare you come in here

and burglarize my things!

I am not burglarizing.

I am legally

recovering stolen property.

Stolen property?

What are you talking about?

Oh, you know perfectly well

what I'm talking about.

My pink cashmere sweater.

- Your pink cashmere sweater--

- I wanna wear it tonight!

And the man

at the cleaners told me

a Bradford girl picked it up.

A girl with a script

under her arm!

Oh, boy!

That is a classic.

On that one flimsy

piece of evidence

you accuse me of the crime.

I'm innocent, Nance.

'Totally innocent.'

Ha ha ha. You mean,

it wasn't you at the cleaners?

Oh, no, no,

it was me at the cleaners.

I went to pick it up

as a favor...to Susan.

- To Susan?

- Yeah.

Oh, wait till I get

my hands on her!

Uh, don't you think

your hands

belong somewhere else,

Nancy?

Huh?

If you value your life,

Nancy Bradford

you will turn around

and go over

to those clothes

and pick them up

and put them back neatly

where they belong.

Don't tell me you're angry.

- I'm the injured party.

- No.

About to be injured.

Oh.

Thank you.

These cookies

aren't too impressive, dad.

Please, don't worry about it.

They're not going

to be as stale

as George McArthur's jokes.

Oh, if I were fast

on my feet

I would have come up

with an excuse

to get out

of this ridiculous evening.

Mm, let's see,

we could say that

there was a malaria epidemic

sweeping the house.

No, no, no.

It has to be very subtle.

Something like..

I have it.

I have it!

I could tell em'

that I threw my back out.

Your back? Dad, you

always use that excuse

and it is,

it's so obvious.

- It is obvious?

- Totally.

[phone ringing]

Oh.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Mr. McArthur.

Oh, are you sure?

But David and Janet

aren't even married yet.

Okay...Uncle George.

[whispering]

Dad, he wants me

to call him Uncle George.

Now when he comes in,

I'm gonna have to

kiss him and everything.

Hi, what I can do for you,

Uncle Geor..

Uh, George.

Yeah, no, it's me,

Tom Bradford.

Right.

Oh.

Aww! That's alright.

Oh, sure, I understand,

please don't worry about it.

We will do it some other

evening, real soon.

No, it's alright!

Please, George..

I-I've had the same

problem with my back.

Right. Bye-bye, now.

His back?

You're right.

It is too obvious.

I'm really surprised

you're backing off like this.

I'm not backing off.

Look, coach, Anne Cavalluzzi

tells me that Hank Dixon

is perfectly capable

of doing good work

but he's using his basketball

stardom as an excuse not to.

Now, wait, just a minute.

If you had a player

who could sink footers

and only settle for lay-ups,

what would you do?

Anne tells me

that school procedure

permits me to give him

a make up test

so that's what I'll do,

I'll give him a make up test

but Hank has got to stop

fooling around

and live up

to his full potential!

Fair enough.

I'll tell Dix the good news?

If you both understand one thing

it's only good news

if he passes.

Okay.

- I'll make sure he knows that.

- Good.

Bye, Mr. Polla..

Uh, Coach Pollard.

Nice to see you.

Thanks for dropping in.

- Hey, Bradford.

- Yeah?

Dix would like to talk with you.

In his office.

Hi, Dix, I just want you to know

that I talked to my stepmother

about the situation.

Yeah, I know.

Coach just told me.

Thanks, Bradford.

Thanks?

I really appreciate

you talking to her

into giving me a make up test.

Oh, yeah, ha ha.

It was my pleasure.

At first,

she didn't want to

and then I explained

the situation to her

and she understands

totally now.

I-I'm glad I could help.

I'm glad you feel that way.

'Cause you can do me

another favor.

- I can?

- Yeah.

You talked her

into the make up test

and I appreciate it.

The only problem is,

with practice and all

I don't have time

to study for it.

Yeah, that, uh, is a problem.

That's why I'm counting

on you to get me

a copy of the test.

Dix, I couldn't!

- You live in the same house.

- Well, yeah, but I..

You found a way to talk her

into the test

you'll find a way

to get the questions.

I can't!

Yeah, Bradford, you can.

[intense music]

Hey...you look awful.

- Yeah, I know.

- Well, what's the matter?

You had a romantic tiff

with Linda Iams?

Whose Linda Iams?

Hey, there really is

something wrong. What is it?

Oh, Dix and some

of his friends are hassling me.

But why, Marcy Collins

told Natien Norris

and Natien told me that Abby's

letting him make up the test.

Well, did Marcy Collins

tell Natien Norris

that Dix expects me to steal

an advanced copy of the test?

Are you kidding me?

I wouldn't kid you

about my two broken arms.

Oh, Tommy, they are not

gonna hurt you.

Are you kidding?

They can make my life

so miserable

I'd have to leave school.

No, I don't believe that.

I just don't believe it.

Ugh. Tell me about it

when I'm in the hospital.

[bell ringing]

So, how is George's back?

Whose back?

You know, George!

The father of...your friend.

- Your roommate, your--

- Oh, oh, oh!

- You mean Janet's father.

- Yes, Janet's father.

How is his back?

Was there something wrong

with his back?

Remember, you asked that.

I was too polite.

Dad, what are we talking about?

I am merely talking

about the allegedly

unexpected and untimely injury

'which unfortunately

has caused him'

to lay off our first meeting.

For which I understand

and sympathize with

because I have suffered

from the same injury

'on similar occasions.'

Oh, you mean

the McArthurs didn't come

to the house last night?

But we are going to remedy

the situation

as soon as possible.

No, dad,

don't put yourself out.

I'm not putting

myself out.

I'm just doing

a decent thing.

You know, a little coffee

and...cookies

and scintillating conversation.

Do you come here often?

Yes. Why?

What's wrong with the food?

You call this food?

Now, look, do not insult

the Jalisco Hot Dog Pit.

I've been coming here

for almost ten years!

In fact, I plan to

bring George here for lunch.

Oh, good, well then

you'll have something in common.

'Heartburn.'

Where is Tommy?

Um, he said he'll meet us

at the van.

Oh, I've got some good news.

I've decided to give Hank Dixon

a make up test. It's cool, huh?

- I know, it's all over school.

- Oh!

I wanted to tell Tommy myself.

Got a little making up

of my own to do, you know?

Yeah, I don't think Tommy's

in the mood for making up.

Hank Dixon wants him to steal

the test answers from you.

- What?

- Ask Tommy.

They've really got him scared.

He says they're threatening him.

I don't believe that.

I tried to tell him

it's only a bluff.

That's good.

That's good.

- He didn't buy it.

- He didn't?

- Uh-uh.

- I'll talk to him.

(Abby)

'Tommy!'

Hey, Tommy!

Tommy, what's wrong?

Tommy, I, um..

Well..

Tommy, your van!

Tommy, I'm sorry.

[dramatic music]

- Dad?

- Hmm?

Do I have to buy Uncle George

a Christmas present?

Oh, no, Nicholas.

Was he gonna get me one?

I wouldn't count on it.

Well, what if David and Janet

are married before Christmas?

Then I'll buy you a present.

Thanks, Anne.

I-I appreciate your advice.

Right, well,

I'll let you know what I decide.

Bye-bye.

What did she say?

Anne says that I could

take it to the principal

but that there's not much

he could do

without real proof.

You didn't see him

mess up Tommy's van?

Anne also says

that if I accuse Hank Dixon

and don't make it stick,

then Tommy will be

in worse trouble with them.

Then drop it, Abby.

You're a substitute teacher.

You'll be gone in a few weeks.

Look, if Anne Cavalluzzi

and the school administration

can't solve the problem,

well, then how do you expect

to breeze in for a few days

and set it right?

Somebody should.

And somebody

has to think about Tommy.

Well, daddy didn't say

anything to me

about his back going out.

I didn't wanna say anything

to my father.

But a back going out

is a pretty standard excuse

for getting out

of social commitments.

I've used it myself.

Are you saying

that my father lied?

Well, lying's

a pretty strong word.

I'm just saying

that maybe your parents

didn't really wanna

get to know my parents

as much as they claimed.

Oh, now both my parents

are liars.

What about yours?

Oh, no, you see

how they do it?

I mean, they don't mean

to do it, but they do it.

Do what?

We're arguing about our parents.

We're having in-law problems

and we're not even married.

Well, that's true.

A week ago,

it was just me and thee.

Now it's me, thee and they.

[chuckles]

Yeah.

I know the problem.

We're letting them handle

this themselves.

I was just thinking

the same thing.

You know, from all indications

it's time to intercede

and manipulate.

But let's start

with your parents.

Why not yours?

Why not both?

[laughing]

- Hi, Nance.

- Hi, Susan.

I hope you're here

to return my sweater.

Oh, come on, Nancy, I told you

I didn't know anything about it.

- Then I don't know you.

- Hey, sure you do.

I'm the one who wants

to borrow your new blouse.

Of all the nerve.

First you see to it

that my favorite sweater

disappears

now you want

a cr*ck at my new blouse.

Oh, come on, Nance,

it really brings out

the color of my hair,

what do you say?

That blouse

is unavailable, Susan.

Oh, I bet,

I bet it's right over here.

I bet you're lying.

Get out of my closet!

[chuckles]

Hey, Nance, uh, what's this?

[chuckles]

It looks a lot

like my missing sweater.

Doesn't it? You mean, you didn't

even look in your own closet.

Why should I?

None of my things

are ever in there.

Ugh!

Well, I guess

this is kind of what you call

an embarrassing situation, huh?

All the people

that you yelled at.

All the insulting things

that you said.

I bet they sure

would like to discover

where it really

was all this time.

Susan Bradford.

Are you proposing

blackmail, huh?

Only because

I look terrific in black.

So...I will borrow

your black skirt

your black pants

and your black shoes.

How would you like

a nice black eye?

- Hey, dad.

- Hi, Tommy.

Uh, how long were you in Korea?

Oh, months.

Oh, please don't tell me

you're reading about that

in ancient history now.

No, I'm just curious.

What was it like in combat?

Oh, well..

You know the w*r movies

on television?

It's nothing like that.

It starts out...miserable

and it gets worse.

And I didn't even

carry a r*fle.

I just wrote

about the men who did.

Were you scared?

Umm...constantly.

What did you do about it?

Nothing, just tried

to act like I wasn't.

But I wasn't fooling anybody.

I wasn't even fooling myself.

Why? You're not considering

a m*llitary career, are you?

No, way. I'm a coward.

Why do you say that?

- No reason.

- Come on, now.

Something must make you

say a thing like that.

'What is it?'

Alright, there's some guys

at school that are hassling me.

I saw your van.

Is there anything I can do?

No. There's nothing

anyone can do.

I know what you mean.

I-I had a similar...experience

when I was in high school.

And, uh...I solved it by, um..

[Tom clears throat]

'...getting the mumps.'

- The mumps?

- Well, not the real mumps.

It was my father's suggestion.

I just went around

and told everybody

that I had them and it, uh,

kept me out of school

on the day that I was supposed

to fight the biggest kid

on the football team.

You mean, you chickened out?

Well...I prefer to think of it

as mumping out.

Oh, it was a lousy thing

to do though.

I tell you, I've been thinking

about that kid every day

since I was years old.

Every day I've wished

that I had just stood up to him.

Yeah, that's easy to say now.

No, it's very difficult

because now I realize

that the worst thing

that he could have done

to me was to

to make me hurt for a week.

Now that kid's been on my back

every day for years.

- He has?

- Yes.

And every day for years

I've had to ask myself

a very painful question.

What if that big guy..

...was just as scared as I was?

Was he?

Everybody's scared, Tommy.

'But if we can

overcome our own fear..'

...then our enemy's fear

conquers him for us.

Tom?

I'm sorry,

I didn't mean to wake you.

It's okay,

I wasn't sleeping.

Were you, were you working?

No, no, I was father confessing.

- Tommy?

- That's right. How'd you guess?

I've never seen him

this upset about anything.

Did he tell you

it was my fault?

What-what? Your fault?

How could it be your fault?

Didn't he tell you?

No, your name

was never even mentioned.

Abby, w-why didn't you tell me?

Because I thought it would

just complicate things

and because I thought

I could handle it myself.

Boy, I wish I'd never taken

this teaching job.

Oh, that's very important

to you.

Yeah, but Tommy's

more important.

What advice did you give him?

I told him to stand his ground.

Tom, you didn't. I mean,

have you seen Hank Dixon?

He and his buddies

outweigh Tommy

by I-I don't even know how much.

Then what do you suggest?

[instrumental music]

Umm, Elizabeth, could you

excuse me for a minute?

I have to talk

to Tommy alone.

- What's up?

- Elizabeth, please?

Sure.

Now why'd you do that for?

This is just between us, Tommy.

Yeah, I don't think there's

anything between us anymore.

I know you feel that way,

but I feel differently.

Here.

What's this?

It's Hank Dixon's advanced copy

of the make up test.

- Just like that?

- Just like that.

But, uh, isn't this gonna

get you into trouble?

Isn't it gonna get you out?

Dix was getting worried

that you might be late.

I just hope for your sake,

Bradford, that you came through.

Gus got him.

Wait here.

Dix is waiting

for you, Bradford.

Hi, Dix.

Come on, Bradford,

I don't have all day.

Bradford.

Did you get it?

Yeah, I got it.

You got more brains

than I figured.

Hand it over.

- No.

- What?

I can't.

You're not listening, Bradford.

I want that test.

Well, then you got it!

Are you crazy?

That's it, man,

you blew it.

Go ahead, Dix.

Break me up.

Is it gonna help?

Why, Bradford?

Why did you do that to me?

Don't you get it?

No. Don't you know

what you're doing to me?

Look, Dix,

you gotta understand

I'm doing this for me.

I could still waste you!

Yeah, you could.

[intense music]

Did you get it?

Are you kidding?

Candy from a baby.

[laughing]

- So..

- Yeah.

So, I said,

"Listen, bartender

"if you don't teach

that man to tango

I will."

[laughing]

Get it?

(George)

Uh, it just goes

to show you, Tom.

I had no idea this evening

was gonna go so well.

Yes, it's certainly is going

unbelievably...well.

But look how great

everything's turned out.

Just four people

having a good time together.

[laughing]

Yes.

Good time! Yeah!

[laughing]

Ha ha ha.

- Uh.

- Uh, yeah.

Yeah, it was really w-wonderful

of David and Janet to set

this whole thing up, wasn't it?

Oh, speaking of Janet and David

shouldn't they be here by now?

Yeah, where are they?

David and Janet.

George, dear.

Now, why don't you tell them

that terrific story

about the bill pickled peddler

who was always late

for his appointment?

- Oh, yeah, oh yeah!

- Yeah, that's terrific.

[phone ringing]

Oh, you're gonna love this one!

'It's a terrific story!'

- 'You'll really love it.'

- 'Tell it! Tell it! Hurry up!'

Oh, wait, let me just answer

the telephone first, alright?

Oh, y-you go right ahead, Tom.

I'll tell it to Abby.

No, that's alright, really.

I can wait.

Oh, oh! Nicholas, please I'm

trying to answer the telephone.

- Oh, I already did.

- Oh.

It was David.

Oh, what did he say?

Are they coming?

Nope, he can't.

He hurt his back.

[dramatic music]

His back!

His back?

His back.

I didn't believe it either.

[laughing]

[theme music]