01x27 - High Treason Part II

[bunniefuu]

(male narrator)
Previously on
"Brisco County.."

Gentlemen, your job
is to go into Mexico

find out where Falco
is holding Jennifer Heart..

...and bring her back.

Secretly, with a small,
elite squad

you can get in..

Who are you?
What do you want?

We want the girl.

Get down!

(March)
Strike quickly..

[grunting]

...and get out.

[expl*si*n]

I'm not a kidnap victim.

I'm in love with Carlos.

Quarry wants w*r

and he's using my
father's newspapers

to get it.

Why?

Because wars
make good heroes

and heroes make
good presidents.

(Brisco)
Call me a romantic
at heart, Jennifer

but we're taking you home.

[g*nshots]

[explosions]

(bailiff)
All rise.

(Quarry)
"Brisco County, Jr.,

"Lord Bowler

"you have been found guilty
of high treason

"against the United States
of America.

"The penalty is death.

"You'll be placed
in front of a f*ring squad

"at dawn.

[sighs]

I don't know what to say.

I really don't.

You better get going, Soc.

God bless you both.

f*ring squad ready!

Aim!

Fire!

[instrumental music]

[sobbing]
This is unbelievable..

(male #)
'Huah!'

'Column to the left!'

'Huah!'

[music continues]

[horse neighs]

[wagon rumbling]

Ooh-ee.
Hello, Brisco.

Ack!

Shh! Play dead!

Now, about my testimony
at your trial--

You lied,
covered your own butt

and sent us in front
of a f*ring squad.

And after all that,

I still didn't get a pardon.

Can you believe the nerve

of the United States'
government?

Would you move it?

After helping you
escape today

I hope you can
find it in your hearts

[choking]
to forgive and forget.

Well, I'm just glad
we ain't full of holes.

Ah, you can thank Professor
Wickwire for that little trick.

Rubber b*ll*ts.

Pulled the ol' switcheroo.

- Uh-oh.
- Hyah! Hyah!

I thought you was supposed to
take care of that wagon.

Not true.
That was waiver's obligation.

Wrong.

I was uniforms, he was b*ll*ts

and you were wagons.

I must have
missed a meetin'.

[indistinct chattering]

- Hyah, hyah!
- 'They're comin'.'

So much for
life after death.

You know what
this clambake needs?

A little hot sauce.

[expl*si*n]

Whip, let's go!

(Brisco)
'Come on, Aaron!'

[expl*si*n]

[horses neighing]

[laughing]
Brisco!

Yah! Yah!

[g*nshots]

Whoo! Whoo!

[theme music]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

Alright, now we're
going to be too easy

to track if we all
ride together.

Well, we better split off.

Hey, Comet, how you been?

- Yeah.
- It's nice to see you, too.

Alright, alright.

Now just stop it.
You're embarrassing me.

Oh, yes.

As soon as Brisco's
done playing kissy-poo,

maybe we could find someone
to get us out of this mess.

Pete, that might
take some time.

Time is something
we ain't got.

Riders coming.

Like I said,
we split up here.

And we'll be headed west.

I say we head east.

May I remind you,
I have been a wanted fugitive

most of my adult life.

Fellas!

Ergo, when fleeing

I suggest you
follow the flight

of the flea who knows
how to flee the fastest.

And that would be me.

Oh, well,
I stand corrected.

Yeah. I wouldn't
stand too long.

Alright, amigos, follow me.

We are gone from sight.

Brisco!

Which way are you headed?

Anywhere we have to go
to clear our name.

Good luck.

- So which way?
- South to Mexico.

Not again. Yah!

Whoa-whoa!

Go west, huh?

You got the brains of a piece
of corn bread, Hutter.

This is not gonna look good
on my curriculum vitae.

[marching chant]

Rubber b*ll*ts, Mr. March?

General, we have the three
involved in the escape.

They're behind bars.

I don't care about them.

County and Bowler have just

changed the rules
of engagement.

Now we can sit here and wait
for them to bring us down

or we can go after
what we want.

Just exactly what
do you have in mind, sir?

What I want to know, colonel

is if you're willing to do
whatever's necessary

to become the highest
ranking officer

in the United States Army?

You know I am, sir.

Good.

I want you to put
together a team

the best men you can find.

No names, no IDs.

You don't even exist.

- You understand me?
- Yes, sir.

I want you to bring me
Carlos Falco...alive.

Alive, sir?

We're going after
the president, colonel.

We're gonna need a fall guy.

What about County,
Bowler, and the girl?

When you find them, make sure
you've got real b*ll*ts.

Dismissed.

Yes, sir.

Brisco, we're miles
into Mexico.

We been walking on water
for two days.

How much further we going?

We're gonna keep
going until I'm sure

we're not being followed.

Yeah, well,
in the meantime

we're getting further
and further away

from Falco
and Jennifer Heart.

Bowler, trust me,
Falco's gonna be headed south

away from that border
as far as he can.

We'll catch up
with them soon enough.

Yeah, what makes you
think they gonna help us?

Have we got
a better idea?

Yeah! A papaya bar
in Costa Rica.

Oh, Bowler, whatever happened
to, "I'm an American.

I wanna die an American?"

Yeah, that was before
I looked down the barrels

of an American
f*ring squad.

I'll bet you they got some
beautiful women

'down there, Brisco.'

Yeah, well, I'm not gonna spend
the rest of my life

looking over my shoulder.

Now, if Jennifer is right

and Quarry is behind
those border raids

maybe they can
help us prove it.

Yeah, well, that don't
change what we did.

It can if we can prove
we've been set up.

Well, just promise me
one thing.

'Yeah, what's that?'

If this don't work, you'll give
Costa Rica some thought.

Here you go.

Lunch.

Uh, easy, baby.
That's it. That's it.

'Yeah. Slide it on in here.
Attaboy.'

What's wrong
with this picture?

Now, you, uh..

...you give my best to Cookie.

Hold your spurs, amigo.

This don't feel like no pound
and a half of bacon to me.

Thank you very much.

And give me a five back.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You may want
to stay around here

and rupture
your gullet, Aaron

but we're gettin'
out of here.

(Aaron)
'Wait a second.'

You ain't suggesting
a jailbreak, are you, Hutter?

Viva, you saw what happened
to Brisco and Bowler.

'If you wanna stay here
for a swift and speedy trial'

'by a jury of your peers,
be my guest.'

I'm gettin' out of here.

You think we can break out?

Whip, you happen to be
in the company

of a connoisseur
of penal lodging.

Hey...I ain't into that.

I was talking about
the jailhouse design.

This happens to be

an Ichabod Lemley.

This ain't no Lemley.

Do you have a problem,
Mr. Contradiction?

This ain't no Lemley.

Now, this here is a

a Latty Cochran
designed cell.

I scoff at your
moronic interpretation

of hoosegow architecture.

Who cares who designed it?

Let's get the hell
out of here.

Ichabod Lemley
used inferior

Argentinean steel bars
in his design

which even a first-time
offender would know.

We escape through here.

There ain't no way
that you're going to be able

to cut through no US
of A Cochran steel.

Now, the only way
out of here

is down and dirty.

I ain't never known
one Cochran cell

that had a mortar foundation.

We're going through the bars.

The floor.

The bars.

[horse neighing]

Don't make me use
my stuff on you, baby.

Oh, Pete, we should
go through the floor.

[indistinct chattering]

[instrumental music]

Falco, I read your book.

Alright. That's him.

What's the play, colonel?

Huddle up.

Hey, look.

This is us.

This is all them.

Gris, you and rock

I want you to pull

and double-team the wagon
on the far side.

Aldo, you pull and kick out
and get the first wagon.

- Si. Prego.
- What about me?

Cowboy, you and I

we're going right up the middle.

Any questions?

- No.
- No.

Alright. Let's do it.

(all)
Break!

Yeah, they can't
be far ahead, Brisco.

The tracks are fresh.

Look like you
read Falco's book.

[g*nshots]

Looks like I'm
not the only one.

Come on, Bowler. Yah!

- Hyah!
- Hyah! Hyah!

Hyah!

Let it burn!

Find me the girl!

I told you she's not here.

These are innocent farmers.

My men are already gone.

(March)
'I'm a little slow.
I need lots of convincing.'

Oh, Miss Heart!

Come out come out
wherever you are

[speaking Spanish]

Muy bien, Falco.
You're right.

I don't have orders
to sh**t you, just her.

I believe you just told me
she's here somewhere.

'Look under every wagon!'

'I mean every wagon!'

[both panting]

Any ideas?

We outnumbered.
They got Falco.

They find Jennifer,
they gonna k*ll her.

Costa Rica's looking
better and better.

- Jennifer.
- Don't leave just yet.

[indistinct chattering]

We're gonna need some
kind of distraction.

Alright. You get
Jennifer out of here.

I'll hold them off.

Wait a minute.

Get them out of here.

Andale!

Vayanse!

[g*nshots]

[speaking in foreign language]

Bunch of jackrabbits.

That's what's happened to your
revolution, Falco.

[grunts]

[indistinct chattering]

Bring Falco
back to Pitman.

Tell General Quarry
we'll return

as soon as we take care
of County, Bowler, and the girl.

[horse neighs]

(Bowler)
'Brisco..'

[intense music]

[g*nf*re]

Okay, let's go!

Hyah!

Hyah!

Hyah!

Hold it! Hold it!

County and Bowler,
they got the girl.

Let's go get the horses.

Nothing I like better
than a good old-fashioned

pheasant hunt.

- Hyah! Hyah!
- Hyah!

[instrumental music]

Gentlemen, I'm not
out here for my health.

They stay up high
on the rocksa.

Well, then we'll go up
after them.

I mean, is there
a problem here?

I mean, we got a problem?

They got the high ground.

They can sit up there and pick
us off one by one.

We gotta to go arounda.

Now, gentlemen,
if we go around 'em

we could waste
the better part of a day.

If we don't, we'll be
wasting more than that.

Am I riding with a bunch
of candy apples?

I mean, is that the deal here?

Better safe than sorry.

No man ever
did his job for me

by dying for his country.

He did his job
by making sure

the other guy d*ed for his!

Real Americans love
the sting of battle.

Americans love winners.

Americans play to win.

The very thought of us
not going up that canyon

makes me just sick
at my stomach.

We're the finest men
in the world.

I mean, I actually pity
those poor oak heads

we're going up against.

Let me tell you something.

We're advancing up
that canyon, gentlemen.

'And the only thing
we're gonna do'

'is go through
those traitorous pigs'

like corn through a goose.

And when we do

I'll be riding
right up front.

I made myself clear?

- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.

- I can't hear you.
- Yes, sir.

- I said, I can't hear you.
- Yes, sir!

- Then let's ride!
- Yes, sir!

Move it! Move it!

Get your butts
in those saddles!

Let's ride!

- Hyah! Hyah!
- 'Hyah! Hyah!'

We're not losing them.

We will.

Can't nobody track a man
over solid granite.

Aldo Buttuchi can.

- Well, maybe Aldo Buttuchi.
- 'Who?'

He was an orphan kid
raised by an Italian trapper

and his Chippewa wife,
or a pack of wolves

depending on what story
you wanna believe.

He can track anybody,
anywhere

day or night.

Pull!

[g*nsh*t]

Almost got that one, sir.

Get me a bigger g*n.

Well, I'm going down there
to sign the truce treaty

with the President of Mexico,
right in Quarry's backyard

right under his nose.

I'm gonna steal the thunder

from his presidential bid.

Sir, are you aware
General Quarry's issued orders

to have Brisco and
Bowler sh*t on sight?

They have been tried and
convicted of treason, Poole.

Pull!

[g*nshots]

[birds squawking]

Hell, you know, how I
feel about those boys.

I've offered them
my help already

and they turned me down.

How can I help them

if I don't even
know where they are?

Is this the biggest
one I can get?

Sir, with all due respect,
order Quarry back to Washington

before it's too late.
I'll find Brisco and Bowler.

You put me in a bit of a
political pickle here, Poole.

'If I recall America's
bastion of stability'

along the border

Frederick Randall Heart
and his newspapers

will skin me alive.

If I don't
I might just as well

be signing those boys'
death warrant.

Mr. President, if you
can't help them directly

at least help them
help themselves.

That's all I'm asking.

I'll tell you what.

If they can
give me something

that'll bring Quarry down

I'll wipe
their slates clean.

Politics be damned!

Thank you, sir.

Pull!

[g*nsh*t]

[tree crashes]

Did I get it?

I don't think so, sir.

Poole, do you play tennis?

Brisco, I ever told you
about Gristle Wallens?

Is there a reason
why you would've?

He hooked up
with the th

just about the time
I was leaving.

I watched him
carry his horse

across the Colorado River once.

Why would he do that?

Somebody told him
that he couldn't.

That's him down there,
right next to Aldo Buttuchi.

Looks like somebody told him
he couldn't catch us.

Well, I appreciate
his devotion

but we got to do
something about this.

We can't shake him, Brisco.

Not as long as our feet
are on the ground.

Then let's get this chase
off the ground.

[clicks tongue]
Come on, boy.

Huh?

(March)
Alright, come on,
let's mount up!

- Yah, men, let's go!
- Hyah!

Hyah!

[whinnies]

Comet, I'm telling you,
an L is dot dash dot dot.

[whinnies]

No. That's a W.

Ah! Stand still, will you?

- Hyah! Hyah!
- Hyah! Hyah!

Come on, Brisco.
We've got to move.

They're coming
over the rise.

Yeah. I know. I know.

Brisco!

Did you get in touch
with Wickwire?

Yeah, he's gonna
meet us in Tecate.

We can't outrun them
to Tecate!

Yeah, well, it's not like
we have a choice, Bowler. Hah!

Hyah! Hyah!

I'm telling you,
you're wasting your time.

Yeah, well, double
back at you, amigo.

I think I got it,
think I got it. Pull. Pull.

[grunting]

- Ahh!
- Oh, God.

Alright.

Well, do we have mud
on our faces?

Are we enjoying
perusing three feet

of impregnable Lemley Mortar?

Naw, sugar, we're looking at
a wide-open Cochran hole.

[dogs barking]

'It's now or never.
Let's dig.'

Must have been
Lemley's blue period

when he was deeply
influenced by the great

Latty Cochran.

Uh-huh.

We might have to bust through
a couple of foundations

but I think that crosspiece

goes all the way
through town.

[door opens]

[humming]

Go to it, compadre.

Oh! Whoa!

If you happen to get caught

don't tell them
where you came from.

Whoa!

[instrumental music]

Where is everybody?

Gone. It's a ghost town.

Are you sure the professor's
gonna meet us here?

Don't you worry.

He'll be here, alright.

We might not
have much time, Brisco.

Alright now, Comet, I want you
to lead these other horses north

but don't make it too hard

for March and his men
to follow you, okay?

[neighs]

Good. We'll meet you in Pitman.

I don't know
about this, Brisco.

Alright, get them
out of here, boy.

[horses neighing]

[men yelling in distance]

In there.

(Brisco)
Ha, it worked!

[chuckles]

Well, Comet should give them
a nice path to follow

all the way back to Pitman.

He better.

What are we supposed
to do now?

We just sit tight
and wait for Wickwire.

(Jennifer)
'You think
this is gonna work?'

(Brisco)
'He hasn't let us down yet.'

Damn.

- These guys are good.
- Yeah, too good.

They're coming back.

[horses neighing]

Talk to me.

- Still here.
- Alright.

Everybody spread out,
wide formation.

Just a minute, Cowboy.

I give the orders
around here.

Alright,
everybody spread out

wide formation

I want a building-
by-building search.

Let's flush 'em out.

This is gonna be fun.

[instrumental music]

[grunting]

[g*nshots]

Up, Cowboy! Up, Cowboy!

Up! Get them high!
Aldo, get them! Come on!

You ain't in shape!

Up here.

[g*nsh*t]

Come on, Bowler!

I'm coming.

[grunts]

[g*nf*re]

Gentlemen, hold your fire.

There's other ways
to skin a cat. Let's go.

Listen up, men. We're gonna
blitz 'em, then burn 'em deep.

I don't know if this
is such a good idea, Brisco.

It is if
Wickwire gets here.

What's that smell?

[sniffing]
Smoke.

[g*nf*re]

If Wickwire
don't get here soon

we gonna be barbecue!

[fire blazing]

- Where's Wickwire?
- He'll be here.

How's he gonna get here?

The building's on fire.

We're surrounded
by professional K*llers.

We ain't going to be here!

[g*nshots]

[laughs]

You feel better now?

It was all
I could think of.

[distant rumbling]

What's that noise?

It's coming from up there.

Aha. That's an engine.

An engine in the sky?

Oh, Lord, don't tell me

Gabriel's coming
to carry us away

'on the coming thing.'

That's not Gabriel.

Hello, down there!

Wickwire!

- What is that thing?
- Ha-ha-ha!

That's our way out.

Damn.

What the..

(March)
'My God!'

It's a flying whale.

Holy Mother of Grace

please forgive
me my sins.

sh**t it down!

[g*nshots]

Uh, Bowler,
we're running out of roof

real quick here,
and the fire's gettin'

just a little bit bigger..

And March is sh**t' at us.
Will ya come on?

I ain't no circus act.

Whoa!

[g*nf*re continues]

Hold your fire!
Hold your fire!

What now?

Aldo, follow that thing.

But that thing,
it don't lay tracks, do it?

Move!

Welcome to my world
above the world.

[laughs]

Well, professor,
you were right.

This certainly is
the mother of all inventions.

Oh, by the way, thanks
for those rubber b*ll*ts.

No problem.
I'm just glad they worked.

What is this thing?

It's a miracle
of the modern age

a lighter-than-air ship.

It's beautiful.

It's unnatural.

Professor, what do you
use for a lift? Uh, hydrogen?

- No, helium.
- Ah..

- Brisco!
- 'Socrates!'

What are you doing here?

I thought you
could use the help

but I needed someone
to pass gas for me.

Uh, ain't that somethin' you're
supposed to do by yourself?

Impossible.

The cabin's too large.

Uh, yeah, well,
never mind about that.

Socrates, we have to get
Jennifer to the president.

She's the only one
who can help us

prove that we've been set up.

But what about Falco?

Well, Quarry's got him.

[metal creaking]

- Whoa!
- Whoa!

Socrates,
we're listing a bit.

- Release some gas.
- Right away.

Starboard side!

[hissing]

This gas,
is it okay to breathe?

Completely safe.

[high pitched voice]
Although it does affect
the vocal chords a bit.

[high pitched voice]
Ha-ha-ha. Damn!

[high pitched voice]
We have to go to Pitman
to help Carlos.

[high pitched voice]
No, we have to
see the President.

[high pitched voice]
We could k*ll two birds
with one stone.

The president's
on his way to Pitman

to sign a treaty with
President Diaz of Mexico.

What?
Oh, professor

how long do we have to
keep talking like this?

We seem to be alright now.

Socrates, flush the cabin.

Right away, sir.

[normal voice]
Socrates, is Quarry gonna be

at this treaty signing?

[normal voice]
Of course.

Brisco, what's wrong?

I'll tell you what's wrong.

If Quarry had to have
a good reason

to keep Falco alive..

Means he's got something
in mind for him.

- You don't think--
- Yes, I do.

If Quarry wants
to be president

there's only one thing
standing in his way.

- The president.
- Right.

Professor, you better
get us to Pitman.

[high pitched voice]
No problem, Brisco.

[normal voice]
Heh-heh. Just joking.

Alright, everybody,
hold on to your lunch.

[thump]

What was that?

[squawking]

A pelican.

[instrumental music]

[imitating dueling banjos]

Hey!

Hey!

[dogs howling]

W-what's the matter,
little Whipper?

You got something
against rural music?

I can hear you two idiots
three buildings down.

Now, we are gonna get
sh*t in the morning

if we don't
get out of here.

How about a little help?

[instrumental music]

Uh, don't look down, Bowler.

I wasn't planning to.

(Wickwire)
It's only or feet.

Professor, the next time
you have a gas problem

I'm ready to jump in.

Thanks, Socrates, but I think

I got the hang of it now.

Thank you, professor.

Anytime.

Goodbye now.

Well, professor,
where you headed?

Well, I've got an appointment
with a group of German investors

some count named,
uh, Von Zeppelin.

Well, don't give away
too much.

Oh, no, no.

All he wants is to have it
named after him

and some metal
armaments for combat.

Ha! Very fancy.

A lead Zeppelin.

Might just be your
stairway to heaven.

Yes, indeed.

If I sell him
just one airship

it'll be a good year.

See you around, professor.

[sighs]

Alone at last.

Now I can try that loop.

- Let's go that way.
- Okay.

You know, Brisco,
I ain't one to hold a grudge

but when our butts
was in a sling

the president
looked the other way.

Now we gettin' ready to risk
our necks to save his.

Well, what can I say, Bowler?
That's politics.

- What?
- I said that's politics.

What-tics?

Poli-tics.

What's the matter with you?

My ears are clogged.
I can't hear nothin'.

Oh, it's the pressure.

Pressure?
Nah, this ain't nothin'.

I ever tell you
about the time

I was tied down in front
of a herd of buffalo

by this disenchanted
Pawnee chief

who wasn't going
to let me up until--

No, Bowler, I'm talking about
atmospheric pressure.

Huh?

Your ears are clogged

because the atmospheric
pressure changes

as you descend in altitude.

How come your ears
ain't ringing?

Well, as I was comin'
down the ladder

I stopped every rungs
and blew 'em out.

Do this.

Come on.

Pfft.. No!

- Grab your own nose.
- Heh, heh.

I'm serious. Try it.

Now blow.

- Okay. Again.
- What are you guys doin'?

What's going on?

Bowler's ears are plugged.

Try yawning.

[yawning]

[honking]

Alright, hold it, hold it.

[instrumental music]

Ah..

Ah..

Ah.. Ah..

Ah..

Ah-choo!

[sniffles]

Hey, I think that did it.

Say somethin'.

[mouthing words]

Very funny.

[chuckles]

You know, Brisco,
I know you're

into the comin' thing,
and all that

but ain't nobody gonna go
through all this pain

and trouble just to get
from one place to another

when they can
ride a horse.

They won't have to, Bowler.

In the future,
they'll figure out some way

to clear their ears for them.

Well, they'll probably just
pressurize the cabins.

- Is that possible?
- That's the future, Soc.

Anything's possible.

Come on, gentlemen.
Can we get on to Pitman?

Anytime.

Good evening, Mr. President.

Welcome to Pitman,
such as it is.

Ah, thank you, general.

Is President Diaz here yet?

He's not due till
tomorrow morning, sir.

I'll have one of my men
show you to your quarters.

Excellent, excellent.

It's been a long trip

and I'm not getting any younger.

But then,
you knew that already

didn't you, general?

Sergeant!

[dramatic music]

[panting]

How are we gonna
get through that beehive?

You don't have to.

I'll get to the president

and tell him you're here.

Oh, I don't know, Soc.

I'm not a wanted felon.

I don't have every soldier in
the US Cavalry gunning for me.

I haven't been tracked by an
elite k*lling squad for the la--

Okay, okay,
you made your point.

I'll be back
before you know it.

Comet!

[whinnies]

March took the train
out of Durango.

He's here in Pitman.

Well, Comet took
the same train.

He told you that.

Yeah.

Well, the ticket's
a dead giveaway.

Oh, Comet.

Looks like somebody forgot to
punch you in Chihuahua.

Brisco..

Excuse me.
I'm in a hurry.

Hold it, son. Town's off-limit
due to the president.

I work for the president.
I'm going to see the president.

Oh, really, about what?

That doesn't concern you.

Actually, it concerns
me a great deal.

[Socrates grunts]

(Brisco)
'Oh, Soc.'

Come on, Bowler,
let's go get him.

I'm with ya.

[g*ns cocking]

Hands up.

Keep moving.

Looks like you got some pretty
big rats in this town.

[grunting]

Pete!

Hello, Brisco.

Boy, you're a sight
for sore eyes.

Shh!

[coughs]

- Go on.
- Whoa.

Come on, Whip.

Hey, Brisco.

Bowler!

What is going on
underneath that house, guys?

Jailbreak.

Thanks to Hutter, March
and his boys captured us

right after
we helped you escape.

Ah, I hate to be
a party pooper

but if we don't
lay some tracks,

every soldier and his brother's
going to be looking for us.

- So shall we?
- Take Jennifer with you.

Wait a minute,
where you goin'?

I got to find the president.

- I'm staying with you.
- Trust me, Jennifer.

(Jennifer)
'Brisco!'

Our chariot awaits.

Let's vamoose!

What about my hay fever?

Get over it.

Aw, man!

You know,
in a few minutes

I'm gonna make you famous

just like John Wilkes Booth.

Eres loco, hombre.

Heh, of course,
I'm gonna be even more famous

once I k*ll the man
that k*lled the president.

I'll see you in hell, March.

[chuckles]

One thing's for certain..

You'll be there first.

Adios, amigo.

The prisoners have escaped!
Search everything!

Hey, get a pitchfork
and jam this hay!

(Aaron)
We better get out of here before
this hay gets all forked up.

- 'Uh-oh!'
- 'Ow! Too late!'

(Pete)
'I believe
I've been perforated.'

(Whip)
I think he's dead.

[groans]

(Aaron)
I loved him like a brother.

Get up!

[groaning]

[dramatic music]

Where is everybody?

They got a hundred
soldiers in this town

and they all just
kinda disappeared.

Maybe that's the way
Quarry wants it.

(Brisco)
'There they are.'

(Bowler)
'Now what?'

Well, we can't just walk up
to the president.

We'll be arrested.

We can't stay here neither.

Stay still, gentlemen, okay.

Falco.

That's not Falco.
That's March.

And he's gonna
k*ll the president!

Get him, Bowler!

Get him, get him,
get him, get him!

[grunts]

[laughs]

'Wait, Bowler.
He's getting up.'

Alright, you get March.

I'll stop Quarry.

My pleasure.

[whistles]
Hey, Comet!

[grunting]

[neighs]

[music continues]

Hyah!

Get up there.

[groaning]

Mr. President.

May I introduce you to the real
traitors among us?

Well, that's very interesting.

Gentlemen,
how can I thank you?

[laughs]
Well, sir, you could start

with a Presidential Pardon.

Well, how about a raise?

- Bowler!
- What?

That's very funny,
Mr. Bowler, a raise.

[laughs]
Very funny, indeed.

What's funny about it?

Brisco, Bowler,
you boys ready to ride?

Yeah, just about.

Where's Pete?

You didn't hear?

Pete didn't make it.

(Aaron)
'Yeah, and I'm
all shook up about it.'

It's gonna be a blue,
blue Christmas

without you, Pete.

- Well..
- 'Pete!'

I am truly touched.

Rumors of my demise
by perforation

have been greatly
exaggerated.

You're alive?

And..

...cooler for desert riding.

We're heading out to Frisco.

- Pete, you comin'?
- 'Not a chance.'

Thanks for the sixer, Brisco.

Feels real good. It's got
a real nice balance to her.

My piece.

Brisco

you gave Viva my piece?

I'm sorry, Pete.
I thought you were dead.

Give it back, Viva.

[chuckles]

Come and get it.
Hyah! Come on! Hyah!

Never a dull moment,
huh, Brisco?

I wouldn't have it
any other way, Whip.

Arrivederci! Ha-ha-ha!
Hyah!

Tomorrow I meet with
President Diaz and Falco

to help them solve
some of their problems.

I told you it'd be all
worthwhile, Socrates.

Brisco, Bowler..

...I hope to see you
in action again soon.

Count on it.

Well, maybe after
a brief hiatus.

Let's have a photograph,
gentlemen.

Uh, sure.

Ready.

[instrumental music]

It's a beautiful country,
isn't it, Bowler?

God bless America.

What do you say
we put some miles

under these horses?

I'm with ya.

You ready, Comet?

[whinnies]

Let's ride.

[horses whinnying]

- Hyah!
- Hyah!

[music continues]

[theme music]