03x09 - Road Warrior

[bunniefuu]

from practically the moment i was born

i've dreamed of only one thing

driving

[Music]

with the wind in my face and my hands on

the wheel there'd be no stopping me

you are my king peel me a grape darling

in my car i wouldn't be an average

ordinary doof anymore

i'd be a fuel-injected legend the

supreme ruler of the wide open

road

hey flame head nice wheels

[Music]

oh yeah looking good dink boy

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okay

so maybe i didn't have my license yet

and all i could drive were those dorky

peewee racers

but that was about to change and once i

had my license my dreams would finally

come true

[Music]

or have you picked me

[Music]

uh

me

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driver's ed

what could be better than a class where

instead of putting you behind a desk

they put you behind the wheel of a car

how about a teacher famous for being the

easiest grader in the whole school you

know what i heard i heard that he falls

asleep in the back of the car and you

can drive wherever you want you could go

to crab world

no

i heard mr stank house that you picked

the grade you think you deserved which

in my case is gonna be an a right you

know what i heard

i heard

that sound

it can only be made by one thing

[Music]

my name is mr slurm

due to a number of direct hits from his

passenger seat airbag

mr stankous now thinks he is a duck

while he recovers

i will be teaching this course oh no

oh yes mr wrigley

for too long i've seen students enter

this class with the childish fantasy of

owning the open road

while i'm in charge

that road will own you

it was like a bad dream slurm was back

in my life

he was a school legend a twisted shop

class teacher who had a different hand

attachment for every mood

ellen loved his class she thought he was

a genius i thought he was a joke

unfortunately

slurm felt the same way about me before

i continue

i would like to introduce my

assistant mr hellstrom

hello class

if there are any stragglers this

semester

mr hellstrom will be available to share

his knowledge with you sharing is caring

mr slurm

i'll just shut up

i am a shop teacher by trade

but in the same way

that i grind metal

to smooth out its rough edges

i plan to spend the next 10 weeks

slowly smoothing out your rough edges

i'm not gonna let him get to me like

last time shh

it's so smooth

he doesn't know who he's dealing with

okay i'm

mr wrigley

perhaps you'd like to share your

thoughts with the rest of us

yeah

okay

i just wanted to know when we're gonna

drive

when i say you're ready

that's when

by ready slurm meant knowing how every

single thing in the car worked from the

manifold intake valve to the driver's

side air bag

i see mr forsman has not read his

chapter on airbag deployment

oh sorry mr slum

mr slurm

i think young mr forsman here needs a

little special attention and uh with

your permission i'd like to take him

under

my wing

he's all yours

you hear that

for the next 10 weeks you are my

personal roadkill

[Music]

do it right make it tight let's see if

you're picking up where you left off and

sh*t miss hickle

[Music]

when that wheel comes off at 50 miles an

hour that cute little rhyme won't help

miss hickle

b minus

b minus

[Music]

so what's the big deal about a b-minus

what's the big deal

what's the big deal i'll tell you what

the big deal is i've never gotten

anything lower than a in my entire life

and i'm not about to start now you got

me weenie boy

not bad mr wrigley you get an a

i'm impressed

not as impressed as you're gonna be when

i hit the open road

you know mr wrigley too much confidence

can be as dangerous as a leaky fuel line

i wonder if you're even really ready to

drive

let's find out

put me to the test

oh

i will

tomorrow

this was gonna be easier than i thought

i had slurm on the run and it wouldn't

be long before the open road was mine

for the taking

[Music]

i couldn't say the same for teddy

welcome

to the mike hellstrom school of driving

today's lesson

parking

parking great the backbone of the

driving experience

whatever

you might want to write this down

write it down

one

i'll drive home yeah two

you'll stay here yeah

three

you'll guard my parking spot

all night long

yes

all right that's a little

[Music]

endless mike could tell that his plan to

turn teddy into his personal sl*ve was

beginning to lose traction

this is comfortable

by the next day it was spinning out of

control

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hey mike fresh-squeezed orange juice

check it out

voila

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as for me i was ready to go head-on with

slurm i call it the slurm simuglide 6000

[Music]

the slurm simuglide 6000

it simulates nearly every road condition

known in the driving universe

[Music]

hop in mr wrigley

has baby got a radio

you have a choice of two settings

i suggest that you start with the easy

one

country road

road

come on you want me to fall asleep at

the wheel

[Music]

start her up mr wrigley

while i tried to show slurm up

ellen buttered him up doing everything

she could to get that a

mr slurm would you like a beverage for

your simulated trip

no thank you miss sickle

we have coffee tea lemonade i'm working

cash

[Music]

mr wrigley don't you believe in

signaling on a country road it's like

talking to yourself

is this as tough as it gets

not

quite

[Applause]

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hey

oh

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[Music]

uh

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congratulations mr wrigley

you're dead

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driving it was a dream i've been chasing

all my life

and now

thanks to slurm

it was quickly disappearing

and so was my confidence

[Music]

somehow i had to get it back

fortunately my brother pete had an idea

not so fast son take it easy

it was a driving simulator wrigley's

style

okay now apply the brake

[Music]

now look both ways

now go

oh oh oh now steer clear of the mardi

gras parade

[Applause]

that was great pete really great

oh look out for the loose ball

uh we're done honey

nice work son nice work

with my confidence back i was back on

the road to earning my license

and not far away

endless mike was on the road to a total

emotional breakdown

[Music]

that's all four tires mikey

i've learned so much about air pressure

so what's next bucko

bucko

forsman please

give me a break oh i gotcha break fyi

the first brakes were controlled by a

lever outside the door and with that

they were able to push me

you want to know about brakes okay let's

give these brakes a little test shall we

great good

one more little lesson teddy boy

not bad but i think you should

definitely have those looked at did you

hear that squeak

[Music]

hey ellen

how's it going doing okay with your

graves

lori are you asking okay so i'm not

doing that well with my grades

wait till tomorrow

[Applause]

everyone's so moody

to improve her grade ellen's plan wasn't

just to suck up to slurm

it was to suck up in style

[Music]

[Applause]

this hiccup

miss hickle

[Music]

so what do you think mr slurm

the soda was flat

see plots

mr wrigley

you

i think we should start with the

advanced course whatever

i didn't know what slurm had planned for

me and i didn't care

the time had come to show him just who

ruled the road

[Music]

no matter what slurm threw at me i was

ready

pretty soon i'd have my license and

everything that comes with it

freedom

power

my dad

dad

you see mr wrigley

overconfident drivers put other people

at risk

mom

people with families

people with friends

no

people who contribute something to the

world like mahatma gandhi

i wonder if it's a driver's license you

really need

or a license to k*ll

slurm had won

he proved that i didn't belong on the

road and he didn't only take away my

confidence

he took my dream

and there was no way i was gonna give

him the satisfaction of seeing me flunk

his class let the final test begin

who's first

ah

miss pickle mr slurm since it's the last

day of classes i want to give you a

token of my deeply felt appreciation

i made it myself

perfect i knew you were an extra husky

miss hickle

you've done so many

good things for me this year

i'd like to give you a little something

too

let me guess would that be an

a

even better

a gift

you don't like it

i don't know what to say

then don't say anything young lady drive

show me the miss hickle i used to know

the miss hickles slurm used to know not

only finished the course in record time

but she did it

blindfolded

not quite what i expected miss hickle

but very impressive

a minus

a minus

i'm a medium husky

come on

[Music]

gentlemen gentleman's yardstar you're

your engine and your

oh i can't wait to get you out of my

life come on pal make the room run i

would rather stick my face in a wood

chipper nice to hear you two are getting

along

now mike

if mr foresman so much as nips one cone

he fails

and you will be tutoring him again in

summer school

excellente

if i have to spend one more second with

you my heads can explode mike you've

been a great teacher but now it's time

to set me free no no just get out of my

way get out of the way

[Applause]

let go you

go along sucker i'm like fyi

[Music]

don't worry buddy we'll have a great

summer together

no

no

no

[Music]

mr wrigley step up

ricky where are you

mr slurm

pete's not coming he said

you win

all i had ever wanted was to be a

licensed driver

but slurm had turned me into an

unlicensed doof

i figured i'd find you here what do you

want you already ruined my life oh well

let's all shed a tear for poor mr

wrigley his dreams of driving were blown

to bits by a big bad teacher

tell you what

while you're sitting there feeling sorry

for yourself feel free to eat my dust

[Music]

i'm gonna kick your butt

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uh

[Music]

as we hit the straightaway on west

platelet avenue i didn't even care about

my license anymore

all i wanted was to stomp slurms guts

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that's when i saw where slerm had led me

[Music]

nice driving mr wrigley

in his own slurmy way

mr slurman given me my confidence back

and now it was time to put it to the

test

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in my fantasies i had always dreamed of

ruling the open road

but mr slurm taught me

all i really had to do

was be a good driver

[Music]

good job mr wrigley

i knew you had it in you

i hope you'll grant me a rematch someday

you got it

oh

one more thing

you pass

[Applause]

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[Applause]

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please

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[Applause]

a big celebration

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is

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