03x11 - O Christmas Pete

[bunniefuu]

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everyone knows that the best day of the

year is christmas

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your home is homier

the food is tastier

and the spirit of giving is everywhere

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a flamethrower

how'd you know

you can use it to clean our room

but every year before you can say

christmas is over

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and your holly jolly spirit

gets packed away for another 12 months

but in a town called wellsville all that

changed one year when one kid said

christmas

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oh

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oh

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twas the day after christmas and all

through the house the spirit had ended

it had all been doused

the ornaments were yanked from the tree

with despair while dad vacuumed pine

needles

from his rump

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dad

everybody

we need to talk

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this was us yesterday on christmas

um

this

is us today

my proposal is

this make every day christmas

just cause christmas is over doesn't

mean it has to feel like it's over

i guess so

yeah

sure

i don't know

think of it dad every day filled with

good cheer the spirit of giving

and

fruit cake

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that night thanks to pete we had

christmas all over again

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and the next morning

we took our christmas spirit to the

streets we wish you a merry christmas

christmas had returned to cranston

street

and our garage had the fake santa to

prove it

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santa claus coming through even the

dreaded pit stain had the spirit

low

we saw the star in the sky

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it led us here

they tried to ditch me when i caught up

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the christmas spirit was stronger than

ever

but not for everyone

as pete was about to find out

all was not joyful and triumphant

hands off the tree or i'll decorate

son

let's be reasonable huh

this is old and dried out shedding

i could say the same about

you look

if the tree goes christmas goes

pete

you kept christmas going and i'm proud

of you but you know let's do a reality

check here huh the credit card bills are

in i gotta go back to work and besides

it's

it's

garbage day

and we don't want to get him mad

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dad didn't even have to say his name

pete knew

we all knew

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[Applause]

they say when he was a little boy he was

thrown away like a christmas toy garbage

man

he grew up tough and he grew up mean he

became a christmas k*lling machine

garbage man

take your trash you'll crush a tree he

feeds on pain and misery he's garbage

man

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crusher of dreams

[Applause]

i've come for the tree

we're not done with it yet

merry christmas now

what pete means is that we're we're not

done taking off the decorations yet

what i mean is

the tree stays

uh haven't you heard

it's still christmas

right

it's um

jingle all the way

really

is that salt

so i hadn't heard that no what i've

heard up and down the street

is the snapping crunching grinding sound

of christmas

being slowly

and painfully

crushed to death

so spare me to sap you've had your day

of peace on earth now i want mine

give me the tree

where's your christmas spirit

i was vaccinated against it when i was

just a little boy

the tree

now

ho

ho

no

well we'll see about that

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oh oh sure

how'd you get in here

okay well everything's all ready you

know i sure hate to do this you know but

pete's got to learn about the real world

fruitcake

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give me a break wrigley

[Applause]

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like taking garbage from a baby

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oh

i'm out of here

hey

you're not santa claus

make one move the angel gets it but

garbage man got it first nutcracker

style

with a tranquilizer dart

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right in the jugular

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is this all you got

take one last look at your precious tree

gingerbread boy it's mine now

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let go puss bag not until i turn

christmas in a sawdust you ain't not

sucking tits nose help

no one talks trash to my son and we had

a deal wrigley deal

what deal

son i thought it was time to you know

give up the tree and move

on but now i can see what's going on

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evil

now

let go of my son's tree

you people and you shiny little

christmas

oh

presents an electric fork

just what i always wanted

let me give you a little present

some uh free advice

give up the tree or you wish you never

heard of christmas

yeah have a nice night

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the tree stays fungus licks

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oh okay

so you want to play your little reindeer

games

okay

i'll play

but you better like the smell of your

own trash cause until i get that tree

your garbage

stays right where it is

garbage man

i spoke

he can't leave it there can he

turns out he could

and as the great wrigley garbage strike

began

so did pete's battle for the soul of

christmas

the great wrigley garbage strike was on

pete knew that if he lost the tree

christmas wouldn't be far behind but

even with the tree the spirit was no

match

for the stench

i come bearing frankincense and myrrh

i come wearing nose plugs this place

reeks

don't look at me

it's that stink pile over there

all down cranston street

the spirit was starting to dry out

and as for me

i was fading too

pete this is embarrassing you know what

people are calling me at school garbage

boy no one's calling you garbage balls

on your right

garbage boy and his beautifying pile of

garbage

don't worry

once i'm through with them there'll be

nothing on people's brains

but christmas

operation joy to the world began by

jamming the airwaves with yule log

splendor

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next came the dream of a white christmas

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indoors

and of course there was the neighborhood

santa mombo

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but on the 12th day of pete's christmas

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attention cranston street attention

so you've joined the little yuletide sad

based

very well

now you will all pay

until that tree is mine

no one gets their trash collected when

you've had enough of your own stink

talk to your pal

pete wrigley

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garbage man

out

so the garbage strike went block-wide

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hey

keep your stink to yourself

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and the higher the trash climbed the

lower the spirit sunk

especially mine

when is this gonna stop

right now

we want your brother

all right

talk to me on behalf of the good

citizens of cranston street

hand over that tree yeah yeah yeah

yeah but we're coming in to get it the

tree stays

right

uh what were those other two choices

again

come on don the smell is gagging my

ferret

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he's the one you should be mad at

he's destroying christmas

the tree

or your life

inside we got 24 hours

the spirit was in total free fall before

it smashed on the rocks

pete had one more trick up his sleeve

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[Applause]

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wow

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[Applause]

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three rounds with santa

who wants to take down the claws

how about

you pitch things

i can't hammer santa

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hi

santa

thanks for the choo-choo

pete's plan was working no one would

touch santa

it'd be like punching out christmas

plus technically he is in an entirely

different weight class

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it's working

the christmas spirit lives

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[Applause]

hold on

you people

you k*ll me

want to say is the christmas spirit

gonna take away your trash no

now wake up and smell the garbage yeah

yeah you know he's rich

hey

batman

you're mine

use

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it's time

i have the reindeer santa

[Applause]

okay batman

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oh

[Applause]

[Applause]

what do you see

the spirit is gone

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[Applause]

[Applause]

the spirit had lost

the fight was over

there was nothing left to do but give up

the tree the execution was set garbage

man was coming for it that night

tell you the truth i was kind of

relieved

but deep down i felt like i had helped

trash my brother's dream

i wanted to do something

but what

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i hope you're happy

you offend me

you think i like crushing the dreams of

little kids

i don't like it

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i love it

yeah

yeah

gather round folks let's ring in the

death of christmas

wait

can it punk this tree's going home in a

body band yeah you got that right

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hey people where you going show's over

here

you're gonna miss the best part

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oh come on

come on

don't tell me you're falling for this

spew

it's just a pile of garbage

and this

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garbage day

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crank it

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and suddenly

what had once been piles of garbage

were now christmas trees

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i don't know garbage man maybe you ought

to spare the kids tree yeah all right

while i'm at it i'll spare myself the

trouble of picking up your trash

you can leave it there all year for all

i can yeah

it's party

what's happening

you lost trick weed

impossible

i am garbage man

a crusher of dreams

i'm a christmas k*lling machine

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is it a kind of tingly feeling

right around here

yeah

kinda

soft and fuzzy

yes sorta

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sounds like the christmas spirit to me

no no no

it's just a little heartburner man i

gotta lay off the salami

no

definitely the spirit

oh man

how long does this last

i don't know garbage man

maybe forever

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and so ended the battle for christmas

of course no holiday can really last all

year

but from that day on

in a town called wellsville

there was a little more peace on earth

and lots of good will to go around

[Applause]

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[Applause]

you