02x01 - With This Ring, I Thee k*ll

[bunniefuu]

You know the pain that I've

endured these past

few months, Leo?

All for a new face?

No, you couldn't

even imagine it.

Look at ya,

young, handsome

But you're still gonna

be handsome, Lex.

Handsome?

I had to cut into my face,

my body and my voice,

age myself 15 years,

15 years

of my youth, lost.

Gone, for what?

For what?

So Superboy

won't recognize you.

All because of Superboy.

I look like a

Like this.

I had to burn off my own

fingerprints, Leo.

Tell me, can you fathom what

I've had to put

myself through to

escape from Superboy?

We'll get our revenge, Lex,

we've got the plan.

Ah, yes.

Yes indeed.

We've got the plan.

Thanks to this

clever gentleman

and the astonishing w*apon

his firm has

developed for Uncle Sam.

A w*apon so powerful

they've even named it

the Superboy.

The Superboy!

It's ironic the w*apon

that's so flatteringly named

after the boy is the very one

that'll snuff out his life.

I'm more concerned

about Superboy.

You sure he's

going to show up?

Yes, he'll

He should be here.

And I do hope you

appreciate the fact

that I'm going in

to take these photos.

So, don't blame me

if they don't turn out.

Oh, hi, um, Lana Lang,

Shuster College.

There should be two passes

left for us by Superboy.

You're on the list but

Superboy's not here yet.

Yeah, I know.

But I'm sure he'll

show up, right, Clark?

Right, right.

Thank you for

coming, gentlemen.

Ooh, look at that Lana.

Mmm.

Oh, she's much too pretty

to be hanging out

with that four-eyed

nerd, Clark Kent.

She always liked me, Leo.

Did you know that?

Who wouldn't

like you, Lex?

A lot of people when they find

out I'm the one that's

gonna k*ll Superboy.

We are in position, sir.

Okay, standby.

Look, are you sure

he's going to show up?

Superboy never

breaks a promise.

Come on, Lana, we've

got things to do.

How about you take some

photographs of the g*n

and I'll get an interview

with the scientist

who invented the w*apon?

-Okay.

-Okay?

Uh-huh.

Sorry, I'm late in

getting here, sir.

I can't tell you how

much I appreciate

your being here.

You've contributed

so generously

to good cause, it's

the least I could do.

After all, the w*apon's named

after me.

Glad you could

make it, Superboy.

It's showtime, folks.

Let's get this

show on the road.

Locking in on target.

Prepare to fire, sir.

Not quite yet.

What's going on?

I can't control it, sir.

The override's

not functioning.

Try the secondary

access then.

Run, move out.

Come on, Ms. Lang.

Where's Clark?

Fire.

That was a full five hundred

pound charge.

It would have

vaporized a 747.

How could I

have been wrong?

Are you okay, Superboy?

I think so.

I don't know what could have

happened.

Are you sure

you're all right.

Another 25 percent charge

and then we'll see

if Superboy would

have been dead.

Well, if at first

you don't succeed.

Oh my God,

it's aiming again.

Superboy!

He scrambled

my program.

Maybe we

better split, Lex.

For now.

Well?

How do I look?

It'sIt's different, Lex.

Different?

Hmm.

Different indeed.

Well, with this face,

I can k*ll

two birds with one stone

all right.

Oh, I look old.

It looks good, real good.

There's no going back.

This is my new face.

I think it looks

real good, Lex.

No one'll ever

recognize you.

No one?

Not even you, Leo?

Won't you recognize

me anymore, huh?

I don't know

what you mean.

Let me explain, boy.

This is the huanebetai,

the preferred w*apon

of the huaorani tribe

of the Amazon rain forest.

The dart is tipped

with curare, a poison

so potent that in a few seconds

the victim

suffers an

excruciating death.

So sorry about

the pain, Leo.

Can't be helped.

g*ns make such a mess.

Lex, no please!

We grew up together!

We're friends.

You were friends

with Lex Luthor.

Alas, he is no more.

Smile, Leo, you're

about to pass on

to a higher plane

of existence.

No, no, please, no!

Oh, come on, Leo,

I'm just kidding.

You don't really think

I'd k*ll you, do you?

What, do you think

I don't have a heart?

Ah, Lex, you really had me going

there for a second,

I'll really tell you.

Ah!

Of course I have a heart, Leo,

a very cold heart.

I'm sorry, Mr. Eckworth,

I didn't hear you come

out of the office.

That's quite all right.

I was bringing

this right in.

Huh, thank you.

Oh, umI don't want to be

disturbed for the rest

of the day.

Yes, sir.

I want to send

a memo to marketing.

I want to have the

Who the devil are you?

Warren Eckworth.

I am you

and you are dead.

Yes, sir.

I've just closed a big deal

with a new supplier,

the Lexor Corporation,

so I'll need a rather large

check from accounting

in this amount.

Have them draft

it immediately.

Yes, sir.

Mm, would you have the freight

department send

me up a crate after lunch

about six feet long?

I have to pack

a dead body.

Oh, sure.

Oh, and get me

in touch with uh,

the chief engineer in charge

of the Superboy g*n, uh

Mr. Henderson.

Henderson, him.

On the private line as usual,

Mr. Eckworth?

As usual.

HelloHelloHello.

Henderson, listen carefully.

I want you to Jack

up the power

on the Superboy g*n.

I waI

I'm fully aware

that it meets

the defense department's

specifications,

however it doesn't

meet mine.

I want you to Jack it up

a full 25 percent

Make it 50 percent.

Believe me, Henderson,

I have my reasons.

To the front page

of the paper.

I guess TJ really made the right

move by going

to work for

his dad's paper.

Yeah, it kinda blows

your mind, huh.

Hey, wait a minute.

You never answered

my question.

Where were you when that m*ssile

hit Superboy?

I looked for you everywhere.

Yo, Andy Mcalister

reporting to being,

first floor second building.

And you must be

my roommate Clark Kent.

Close, Lana Lang.

I'm Clark

and that's your bed.

No, no can do.

See uh, I gotta sleep

with my head facing north.

And it has to do with the way

my mind creates.

I'm gonna have to switch.

What, no beer?

We're not allowed to have

alcoholic beverages

in the dorms.

-Is he serious?

-Uh-huh.

Did you say your name was

Mcalister?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Capital M, small C.

It says here I'm supposed to be

with a guy named

Johnson as my roommate.

Clark, I wanted

to live with you.

I pulled some strings down

at the administration building.

See, I hear that you know

Superboy pretty well

and I'm a big fan

of the superguy myself.

In fact,

I got us little

business propositions

to talk over with him.

Geez, I don't know, Superboy

kinda likes to keep to himself

and I, I just don't know

if I would

be able to do

something like this.

Clark, we're talking

finder's fee.

It's some big bucks.

Okay, for example, what does

this look like?

It looks like a glass you wear

around your neck.

Okay, it's a glass that you wear

around your neck.

But you're not thinking.

How many times you're hanging

out with friends,

slamming a couple brewskies,

you're tipsy,

whatnot, you slip, whoa!

Splat, all over the floor.

But this chain keeps it safely

around your neck

for you to continue

to enjoy.

No mess, no spills.

Trying to get a meeting set up

with proctor and gamble.

Could be a very, very big

Christmas thing.

You ever do

any modeling?

Uh, no.

Well, I have this idea,

swimsuit calendars,

the girls of Shuster College,

and I'd really

like to meet with you.

Are you serious?

Well, not talking

total nudity.

Uh, I think this is

the part where I exit.

Clark, good luck,

it's Andy, right?

Right, right.

I can't say that

I'm that anxious

to meet you again.

Oh, babe, I'll grow on you.

I swear.

Okay, you don't happen to have

a younger sister

do you?

She's outrageous.

YouYou and her

ever, you know.

Lana?

Yeah.

No, we're just friends.

So, you don't mind if I spend

a weekend with her?

This is great.

I love this place.

Ms. Lang.

Mr. Eckworth, hello.

Hello.

Would you be interested

in taking

some exclusive photos

of the Superboy g*n?

Am I?

Well, just come with me.

I, um, thought we were

gonna see the w*apon.

How do you like it?

It's beautiful.

Now about the photos

on the Superboy g*n,

what I'd like

to do is maybe

Try it on.

I think the bride

would resent that.

Why would you resent it?

Hey, look, I didn't come here

for this, okay?

Would you mind

unlocking this door?

Why?

So I can leave.

I control a multibillion dollar

corporation,

I'm filthy rich and not

too bad to look at,

not really, am I?

Not as good as I looked

a couple of months ago

but wellNever mind.

I can give you anything

you want, take you

anywhere you want to go.

Meet the most important people

in the world.

You are really sick!

Now, any woman in their right

mind would k*ll

for the chance

I'm offering you.

Would you get

away from me?

Now, now, now, now, now,

you'll get used to me

once we're married.

You're crazy to think

I would marry you.

Don't you ever

call me crazy.

It's Superboy, isn't it?

You'd rather have him

than an old man like me, huh?

Well, you want

to know a secret?

This is just a mask.

I'm really young

inside the mask,

I'm young like Superboy.

What do you mean?

Plastic surgery.

I even put acid on my vocal

cords to lower my voice.

Why are you

telling me all this?

Well, you should know

who I really am.

You want to guess?

What are you

talking about?

Come on, guess.

I don't know.

You don't know

me, really?

Your old school

chum, Lex Luthor.

No, it's impossible.

Nothing's

impossible for me.

Why?

Because of Superboy.

He made me do all this.

Now you get

into that dress!

This is what one might call

an intravenous love potion.

Now then, my beloved, if you

don't put your bridal gown on

like a good girl, I'll be forced

to inject you with this.

Make your choice.

Ah, I knew I could depend

on you to choose wisely.

Now then my blushing bride,

I've made all the arrangements.

We're going to be married

in a small, out of the way

prison, very old, very quaint

with a lovely old

antique gallows

in the main prison.

You probably know the place,

the old abandoned prison

out on

interstate 5, hmm?

Toodle-loo.

Good afternoon,

Mcalister Productions.

Andy, listen, this is Lana,

put Clark on.

He's not here right now.

Lana, are you okay?

No, I'm in trouble.

Andy, listen.

I don't have much time.

Lex Luthor is forcing

me to marry him.

He's taking me to some

abandoned prison

on the outskirts of town.

Tell Clark, you got that?

Lana, Lana?

Have you met

my best man?

Leo, Lana,

Lana, Leo.

He's the silent type.

And I thought it was only

fitting that your friend,

Mr. Eckworth,

give you away.

We are gathered here today

to join this happy

couple in holy matrimony.

You'll never

get away with this.

Superboy will show up.

I hope he shows up.

Lana Lang and Lex Luthor

have chosen each other

over all others.

Lex, why are you

doing this to me?

I'm doing this to Superboy

for revenge and for love.

And for fun.

Would the groom put the ring

on the bride's finger?

If there is anyone present

who objects to this wedding,

let him speak now

or forever hold his peace.

I object.

-Superboy!

-Right on schedule.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

That's close enough, Superboy.

He's got the g*n.

Say cheese.

You k*lled him!

That was the plan,

my dear wife.

Clear.

I'm afraid he'll

never walk again.