01x09 - The Bucket Job

[bunniefuu]

["JINGLE BELLS" INSTRUMENTAL PLAYS]

[LAUGHS] Emma, look at you. This

is quite a stack you have here.

Must be stocking up for

the winter break, huh?

Would you mind I added

one more to your pile?

Treasure Island?

Argh! Pirate's buried

gold. You're gonna love it.

I promise.

All right.

Here you go.

- Thank you, Mr. Blanche.

- You're so welcome!

You still pushing that old-ass book.

I gave you Sherlock Holmes

when you were her age.

And you didn't complain.

That's 'cause Sherlock Holmes

was a stone-cold genius,

not a filthy pirate.

Robert Louis Stevenson and

Arthur Conan Doyle were friends.

They pen pals, really.

They never actually met.

- [PAINED GRUNT]

- They had plans to, but Stevenson

- Mr. Blanche!

- Ooh!

- [GRUNTS]

- Mr. Blanche!

- [GRUNTS AND GASPS]

- Stay still! Stay still!

Stay with me, just breathe.

- Somebody call 911!

- [PEOPLE GASP]

Ma'am, somebody call the ambulance!

[OPENING THEME PLAYS]

Well, because your mom had you

for Thanksgiving, and we agreed.

Aspen, Aspen. That sounds fun.

Look, okay, what if we just

After New Year's, we'll

just figure it out.

Okay. Okay. I love you, Nick.

Your daughter?

That's what you get when you spend

200 days a year working whether you

I'm sorry.

- Plan "B"?

- Uh, well

my old firm's holiday

party is this week.

I was thinking about crashing it

as a drunken, belligerent Santa.

Dan Aykroyd, Trading Places.

I get the reference.

I guess the holidays must

be hard for you, too, huh?

Let's go see if they've

opened that wine.

[PHONE CHIMES AND VIBRATES]

Wow, they've really been bugging

you about your Christmas plans. Hm!

- Why are you looking at my phone?

- It lit up!

Alec says we've been getting a bunch

of raids on our firewall lately.

- Don't!

- Oh, what's that about?

Oh, so he has time for cybersecurity

but not to come spend Christmas with me?

What are you doing? Now, why

do you have to cause problems?

Oh, please. Everybody just

settle down. Let's play nice.

- It's the holidays!

- We have been working hard.

- We have.

- We deserve a break.

- We do.

- All right?

Look at this spread that I made!

[LAUGHTER]

[ELIOT, SOFTLY] This is stupid.

Oh.

My brother was right, he does

get Grinchy around the holidays.

Grinch is gonna go get more wine.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Carolers?

[GROANS]

Eliot Spencer?

- No.

- I need your help.

You and your friends over there.

I'm sorry, pal, you got the wrong place.

Can you just hear me out?

Please?

So, I am 10 years old, I'm gay,

and I'm running away

from the school bully.

Typical day in the fifth grade.

But this day, I get kinda lost,

so I duck into the first building

I could find the town library.

Good choice.

Right.

And the librarian,

Mr. Blanche, hides me,

chases away the bully.

Then he asks me what's my favorite book.

"Why, the Bible, sir.

My dad's a preacher."

Mr. Blanche walks me

through the library,

pulls down Roald Dahl, E.B. White.

Hands me a stack of 'em.

Said, "I'm sorry, sir.

I can't take these home.

My father won't allow it."

Mr. Blanche doesn't even blink.

He says, "That's okay.

I'll keep these for

you behind the counter

and you can read them after school."

So that's what I did.

Every day.

So the library became your sanctuary?

And more.

Reading introduced a

whole new world for me.

College, nursing school, I

owe it all to Mr. Blanche.

So it's not about you.

It's about him.

He's got cancer.

He's asymptomatic now,

but he's in stage four.

Refuses to get treatment.

And now he's started having

episodes with his heart.

I'm so sorry, Maurice.

I know what it's like to lose someone.

But

I don't see how we can help you.

I mean, we go after guilty parties.

If your friend, for example,

had become sick by

I don't know, poisoned groundwater,

or or asbestos, or

Look, I don't want

you to go after anyone.

I want you to make Mr.

Blanche feel like a real hero.

Like the ones he reads

about in those books.

Just for one day.

One Christmas wish.

[SOPHIE SCOFFS]

The game is "Forehead Detective."

You have to guess the

character on your forehead.

Oh. Huh?

What um

[SIGHS]

[MUMBLES] Oh!

Oh!

[SOPHIE] Guys, this is insanity!

You know, you're talking

about a guy in fragile health

on some madcap adventure.

It's not what we do!

Does it only have to be about revenge?

Why not? I'm fine with revenge.

It affords us a range of

outcomes the mark deserves.

This librarian's totally innocent.

What about the drummer boy? Huh?

Ba-rum-pum-pum-pum!

I mean, do you really

think he could play?

No! Lying to people to make

them feel better at Christmas,

that's what it's all about!

That and presents.

Mr. Wilson?

Well, I'm all for taking a break.

But sometimes it just reminds

you of the things you miss.

Eliot, you want to take some time off.

Well, he'll take any excuse

to visit his secret girlfriend.

- Ooh

- I think

I think you'd write a hell

of a story for Mr. Blanche.

This is totally bonkers.

[GASPS] Oh, I knew it was Houdini!

If we do this. If

Then we have to treat

him like any other mark.

We watch, we learn.

We profile.

Yes!

[BREANNA] Come on, man. Just tell me.

Who's your Santa baby?

I know, is it the lady that fills

up the propane tanks on the trucks?

Just let it go. What do we

know about our Mr. Blanche?

[BREANNA] Uh, town librarian

for the past 30 years,

Never married, no passport.

The guy doesn't really

like to go far from home.

He's only been in the news one time,

ten years ago when they tried

to shut down the library.

Mr. Blanche led the charge to save it.

I guess there's a lot

of Maurices out there.

All right.

- Well, we know he likes to read, so

- Yeah.

Go check on do your

thing. Go do your thing.

No. Way.

Do you know what that i

Do you know what this is?

This is a 386 Gateway 2000 PC

- Shh!

- with a floppy drive!

Oh, you gorgeous antique!

Yes! Okay, according

to the library network,

here is a list of all the books

he's taken out over the years.

- Whoa.

- [ELIOT] What?

That's a lot of books.

[BREANNA] Ten thousand over

30 years is about one a day.

Can you narrow it down just a teeny bit?

Okay, breaking it down

by the card catalog,

it's mostly fiction. Uh,

mystery-slash-detective

Action adventure,

horror-slash-fantasy

paranormal romance.

[HARRY] Guy checked out

Shogun a dozen times.

Thing's like a brick. Must

be an Olympic-level reader.

What is our story gonna be?

For our librarian to

be hero for the day,

I don't think a sprawling saga of

feudal Japan is gonna work for us.

[CHUCKLES] Hm.

Although I do have a really nice kimono.

Ah.

- So do I.

- [GASPS]

That I don't want to see.

Well

Should I get it?

Hey! What are you doing in here?

Get up! You can't be in

here. Pick it up. Let's go.

Excuse me, sir!

This is a public library. He has just

as much right to be here as you do.

- Come on.

- Take your hands off of him.

What about my rights?

I pay my taxes.

So you can just mind your

Leave.

You good?

Thank you for your service.

As if the homeless don't

have enough to worry about.

Well, you librarians got

a lot on your plate, huh?

- Man, you have no idea.

- Uh-huh.

However

What we like to do here

is recommend good books.

So, what can I do for you today?

Oh.

Uh

Hmm.

What were you guys even

talking about all that time?

The kind of stories that we both like.

The unlikely hero at the

wrong place at the wrong time,

up against impossible odds.

So going on a starship

with a plucky sidekick

- ain't gonna cut it for this guy.

- Nope.

We're gonna give Mr. Blanche

a pulse-pounding spy adventure.

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

[PROJECTILE SOUNDS]

Huh. I like the science of sounds.

Maybe a bit louder, more

paper bits flying out.

Copy that! Representative Agent!

[OPERATOR] Press one for reservation.

If you go out and get me a

helicopter, we can do it at the docks.

- In a cigarette boat.

- [OPERATOR] Press two for directions.

- Agent!

- Press one.

Agent!

[ENGINE REVVING]

Oh! He got a red one!

It's really flashy!

But it's Christmassy.

Ah, there's my director. I have a

little question about the script.

It's a story of honor and treachery.

When a spy's betrayed, it's

up to a small-town librarian

to complete the mission

and save the day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get

that. And I love all that.

My question has to do with this.

Our Mr. Wilson enters.

Yes, but where am I coming

from, what just happened,

how do I feel about it?

Oh, you just flew in

from Berlin on a G-IV,

and you radiate the confidence of

a man secure in his convictions.

[SOPHIE] Breanna, put

the button cam down.

Right. Tomorrow's showtime.

I needn't remind you

that our mark isn't driven

by greed, revenge, or fear,

the normal buttons we push.

This is a simple man

living a simple life,

but this makes it infinitely more

difficult for us to deceive him.

So we've all got to be on top

of our game. Any questions?

I hired three of my

buddies from the service.

They're playing the stunt

fighters. Can I get six?

If you can get me a free

helicopter, otherwise, no.

Ooh! What if things get too

exciting for Mr. Blanche,

and he, you know [GRUNTS AND CHOKES]

Ooh! We need a safe word.

- A safe word's when things get too hot.

- Well, I

Yeah, we know what it is.

Eliot, actually, you're gonna be the one

that knows if he's in distress,

so you should choose.

I know. Okay. It's can't be

something out of a spy story, so

- Pickle.

- Peanut butter.

Uh, Winnebago.

Right. There you go.

So if Eliot says "Winnebago,"

we abort. Any other questions?

No.

- [DOOR CLOSES]

- [ELIOT PANTING]

Ah, here's the hero.

Told you that was a page-turner.

Did you come back for another?

I need your help.

[ELIOT PANTING]

Time to tell the tale.

[BLANCHE] You need

to go to the hospital.

No. No. It's just a graze.

No doctors. They'll find me there.

- [GRUNTS]

- Who's "they"?

Who att*cked you?

It doesn't matter, okay?

You can tell me, or

you can tell the police.

Your choice.

This is the pivotal moment in any con.

It's bigger than the

blow-off and ascend.

It's the moment when you just,

you push the mark right to the edge

to convince him the story

you're telling him is true.

It's called "The Convincer." You ready?

[ELIOT, THROUGH COMMS] All right.

- You want the truth?

- Yes.

I'm a spy.

I've been staying in a safe

house on the outskirts of town.

I was waiting to make a

dead drop on some intel,

but I was compromised.

And if I don't get

this to my caseworker,

innocent people are gonna die.

Will you help me?

[BLANCHE SIGHS]

Come on!

[SOPHIE] He's in.

Damn, Eliot. You know,

I thought that little raspy

world-weary thing you did

was kinda played, but Gramps bought it!

All right, get in.

This is my car here.

No, no, no. See, the people

who are looking for you,

they know what you're driving.

No, no, no, no. This look, but

Listen, whoa, whoa, whoa

Get in!

Hey.

- [BLANCHE GRUNTS]

- You said you didn't want to

What are you what are you doing?

[ENGINE STARTS]

That's it! Here we go!

Yeah-oh! [LAUGHS]

That was a little unexpected Grand

Theft Auto from our reader!

Be careful, Eliot.

Thanks for doing this for us.

Oh, I'm not just doing it for you.

I mean

I'm doing it for Nate also.

He would've liked this stuff, huh?

[LAUGHS]

He would've hated it.

Which would've made me

want to do it all the more.

You know, just like Mr.

Blanche, we all need a little

nudge out of our comfort zone. Hm?

I'll stick to the back

roads, avoid any CCTV.

Where to?

I found a hacker on the dark web.

I need to send an encrypted

message to my case officer,

set up a hand-off.

Here's the address.

- Don't you

- No tracers.

It's my phone.

After you give your boss this

flash drive, what happens then?

Exfiltration.

I'm gonna get on a helicopter,

you're going back to the library.

Back to the same desk I've been

sitting at for the last 30 years.

Oh, is that where you

learned to hotwire a car?

That would be my misspent teen years.

I'm not judging ya.

I've raised my fair share of hell.

And I am sorry for

getting you into this.

Want to know the truth?

This is the most alive

I've felt in years.

[ENGINE REVS]

[ELIOT] I gotta warn you,

this hacker's a little

[WHISTLES] Ya know, it's

I mean, who buys a planetarium?

[BLANCHE] Mm-hmm.

[ELIOT] Oh, my God.

Are you Dire Wrath?

I we spoke on the phone.

- I need to

- [PARKER] Shh!

Why don't you say my handle

a little louder, man?!

You didn't cast me as the hacker?

Because I need you to

actually be the hacker.

You guys hungry?

- Got Hot Pockets.

- [ELIOT] No thank you.

I need you to send

this encrypted message.

Decode the response.

And I don't have to tell

ya, if we're intercepted,

we're dead.

What do you think I am, man?

Some skitty from Def-con? Pssh.

I cater to an exclusive clientele.

You two look like a couple

of real estate agents.

Hey, wait! She should

check out the flash drive.

[ELIOT] That's all

right, I already did that.

No, no, no. That was

before you were att*cked.

Maybe they tried to wipe it so that

you couldn't complete your mission.

Right?

Oh! The only thing on that flash

drive is Eliot's secret chili recipe!

Well, that is a problem!

Like that's my fault?

I wasn't in charge of the props!

Who was in charge of the story?

Oh.

"One and a half pounds

of ground 80-20 beef

two cups of yellow "

Well, I'm not gonna put

the real stuff on it, man,

so just, uh, you know

You could stop decode it.

Just decode it.

Ah.

[BREANNA] Hang on, Parker.

Decoding Eliot's chili recipe now.

Also sending you the decrypted

file for the hand-off location.

[ELIOT] Hey, Miss. Yes. Thank you.

All up there. We got it.

Hey. Good call, Robert.

Oh, hey, look, your friend, uh

just sent the location for your meeting.

Oh. Next time

why don't you guys hang out a

little longer with me, you know?

We could watch some TNG.

I'm good. Thank. We have a meeting.

Damn it.

[BLANCHE] What's "TNG"?

[ELIOT] All right, this

is where we make the drop.

Public place.

Lots of visibility.

Your boss made a good choice.

[PARKER] Focus. Okay

Santa Baby ♪

Oh!

- Ah!

- Ooh! Cocoa!

- [CELL PHONE VIBRATES]

- Mm. Mm. Mm.

What's that?

[BREANNA] Oh, another

att*ck on our servers.

No drama. Our shields are holding fine.

- Let's enjoy the show!

- [SIGHS]

Cheers.

[SOPHIE] This is our

big action scene.

Diners, when the punches begin to fly,

I need you to move quickly to the exits.

I don't want anyone getting hurt.

And no, you can't have

this for your reel.

Let's go over it again.

When Eliot realizes he's been

betrayed by his boss, he'll stand up.

Now that's the cue for the stunt

performers to enter and att*ck.

We have to make sure that Eliot

gets to hand off the

flash drive to Mr. Blanche,

who can deliver it to me.

That's his big hero moment.

Copy. Stunt team in position.

You look like hell.

An idea who hit ya?

They were all wearing black.

They had masks on.

I'll keep my head on a swivel.

Who's the civilian?

That's Robert Blanche.

He got me here in one piece. We owe him.

I'm no hero. More like an Uber.

Well, Mr. Blanche, today

you earned four stars.

If that intel had fallen

into the wrong hands,

the world would be a lot less

safe, I can promise you that.

Thank you for your service.

[CANE CLATTERS]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

Ahh!

[GRUNTS]

Wait, wait, whoa! Wait,

how how do you ?

This is a setup.

I think your boss sent

these hostiles after you.

Our reader's ahead of the story,

it means he's hooked. Go with it.

Right, right, right. You know what?

There's bound to be more of them.

Square up.

You're right. Here they come.

Who the ?

Give us the Ledger and we'll let you go.

Stay back.

[SCREAMS]

Wow. Eliot's stunt guys

are really going for it.

Wait, aren't they supposed

to be wearing masks?

Oh!

[GROANS]

Winnebag Eee!

Forget Copperhead.

Take Spencer, he's got the Ledger.

[SCREAMS]

[PANTS]

[GRUNTS]

[MAN] Hey, man, that's my bike!

Hey! Whoa! Whoa! Stop! Stop! Stop!

[PANTING]

Did I miss a rewrite? I mean,

who the hell grabbed Eliot?

My guess? Whoever's been

targeting our servers.

They're really good.

I mean, they got the drop

on Eliot's stunt team.

Tied them up in their own van.

Well, if you guys

don't know who they are,

maybe we should ask the

deadly hands of AARP.

Who the hell's that guy?

Yeah, 'cause he's definitely

not just a librarian.

You got that right. Here's his bag.

- Whoa! A g*n?

- Oh! What?

Okay, there's that and

four fake passports and

night vision goggles.

Holy cow. The librarian's

actually a spy?

[ELIOT GASPS]

I should've known it

was you R.I.Z. clowns.

Mm.

I can tell because you

hire all these mall cops.

She didn't send me.

Who you workin' for now?

You're in no position to ask.

And before you start lying,

my team's already

decrypted the flash drive.

I know it's not the real Ledger.

I don't know what you're talking about.

That chili recipe is

gold. Gold, I tell ya.

[CHUCKLES] Most of us

thought Copperhead was dead.

And in just a few days,

you managed to find him,

reactivate him, and get the Ledger.

Impressive.

Now where is it?

You're right.

We found the Rattlesnake guy and

I have what you want in my truck.

Relax, boys. I'll get it.

Mr. Kelsey, the kit, please.

T truth serum?

[VOICE BREAKING] I've already

had every kind they've ever made.

It's standard O.P.

You'd know that if you

took the time to hire

the quality guys you should

Hell, I bet ICE wouldn't

even hire these cats.

It's very rude of you to keep

harping on my staff's inadequacies

when you won't come on

board and teach them.

Unless

Well, then.

[GRUNTS]

[SIGHS] We had the perfect

con. A Christmas spy caper.

And then the mark had to

ruin it by being a real spy.

Breanna, any luck plugging in Mr.

Blanche's face into the DoD database

you're not supposed to have access to?

Uh, yeah. So they used

to call him Copperhead,

and this dude was fire.

I mean, black bag ops, extractions.

His name pops up on

dozens of highly redacted,

hella top secret documents.

Then 30 years ago, he just vanishes.

Exactly around the time Robert Blanche

came into existence as

a small-town librarian.

[BREANNA] Yes.

How does that help us find Eliot?

Short answer is, it doesn't.

I think we need to come

to terms with the idea

that maybe Eliot wasn't the target.

You mean, he was just an unlikely hero

in the wrong place at the wrong time.

[BLANCHE] Some hero.

Now unless you want a b*llet,

I suggest you tell me exactly

who the hell you people are

and why you've been

trying to destroy my life.

When Copperhead disappeared,

he took a retirement package.

A cache of information about

certain people who've since risen

to positions of considerable power.

Yesterday's warlords are now

today's titans of industry.

And even leaders of nations.

They called it "The Ledger."

More blackmail material for you.

Most people thought the Ledger

ended up in a shallow grave

along with Copperhead himself.

No one was even looking for him anymore

until the tail that I put on you

snapped his picture by accident.

Merry Christmas to me.

I assume you're running a

con to get the Ledger, but

perhaps I was mistaken.

So, if you don't know

where the Ledger is

where's Copperhead?

I'm not gonna tell

I'm not gonna tell you.

I wouldn't tell you

if I knew where he was.

Right now I'm just looking

at all the pretty colors.

Mm. It's called Red Haze.

"Red Haze."

Reacts with the

neurochemicals in your brain

to heighten memory and emotion.

If I just leave you sitting

there, you could be bombarded

by random bad memories.

But if I knew your most

traumatic experience,

I can just say

"Operation Kansas."

[GRUNTS]

They call it "PTSD in a bottle."

[GRUNTS]

A Christmas present.

Yup. How'd we do?

[SIGHS] Well, your fake

story was pretty good.

Of course, a true hero

would have to die at the end.

As I'd love to continue

discussing Joseph Campbell

and the hero's journey all day long,

but can I raise the point

that Eliot is still MIA?

Yeah, and it's kinda your

fault, so any idea who did it?

Well, their fighting styles

were all over the map,

so I'd say that they were private.

But I couldn't begin to tell you

who the major players are these days.

R.I.Z.

Who's that?

Private security company more powerful

than some countries'

intelligence agencies.

We've dealt with them before.

Our group of super secret bad

guys with zero digital footprint?

They'll be easy to find.

Try the Flanders Group.

It's a shell company that

R.I.Z. sometimes uses.

And you know this because ?

You used them at your old firm.

Holding out on us again, Mr. Wilson.

Okay, the Flanders Group rents space

at an office park outside of town.

Well, thanks for your help, Mis

Wonderful.

You had to go and tell him it was

his fault that Eliot got nicked.

What? He's a super spy, right?

I don't know, maybe he

Mission Impossibles in

and gets Eliot out.

I'm not betting Eliot's life on a maybe,

and I'm not letting a

man with stage four cancer

get k*lled on a job we guilted him into.

Let's go get the truck.

Mr. Wilson!

Stay here in case Mr.

Blanche comes back.

We'll speak later.

[SCREAMS]

[GRUNTS AND PANTS]

Operation Kansas

happened at Christmastime,

didn't it?

Holidays must be so difficult for you.

Is that why you're reluctant

to spend them with your father?

How long has it been

since you saw him last?

Don't

His friend from Vietnam has

invited you to join them.

Very sweet of him.

All you have to do to make it stop

is give me Copperhead.

Mr. Kelsey has the

antidote ready and waiting.

Yeah. Yeah.

[MUMBLES]

It's

three

tablespoons of chopped garlic.

One teaspoon of smoked paprika.

Typical RTI tactics.

- Two table

- We're gonna do it the hard way, then.

of chili powder.

Give him another dose. Don't

let the drug leave his system.

tablespoons of corn masa

you don't use corn starch,

you use corn masa

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

Parker's right. The loading

dock's the only way in.

[SOPHIE] Problem. There's a

camera on the loading dock.

Okay, I can disable that remotely,

but that is gonna take some time.

Sometimes the simplest

solutions are the best.

Parker!

[BREANNA] Stop! The

camera's blocked now.

- [MAN SCREAMS]

- [BLANCHE] Spencer, hang on.

- I'm almost done.

- [SHOUTING]

Hey, hey, hey, come on. Come

on. Let's get out of here.

Uniform?

[CHUCKLES] New guy.

- Shined shoes.

- Bingo.

- w*apon.

- Improvised snow globe.

Exit.

Parker, exit.

Loading docks. Just a straight

sh*t up across three junctions

- and then down a teeny-tiny chute.

- Yeah.

I'm not crazy about it either,

but she knows her vents.

[BLANCHE] The saline bag should

flush out most of that Red Haze.

[ELIOT] This dragon lady,

she ain't gonna let up

until she gets that Ledger.

Well, that's a problem 'cause that

Ledger doesn't exist, not anymore.

You destroyed it?

My last op went south, and

the Ledger was on a floppy disk

and it got destroyed.

She ain't gonna buy that.

Nobody would.

That's why I ran.

I knew they'd never stop looking.

- Who?

- [SCOFFS] You name it.

The Company, OPEC, the Vatican.

None of them would believe

that the Ledger was gone.

That's why I had to hide in plain sight,

become the kind of man that nobody sees.

A small-town librarian.

[SIGHS] Wasn't a bad plan.

Worked for 30 years but

now, Maurice

all the people I know here,

they're never gonna be safe

as long as R.I.Z. thinks

I have that Ledger.

So let's give it to them.

Um, was I the only one here

for the "it got destroyed" part?

[SOPHIE] It doesn't

have to be the real one.

We just have to make a

convincing copy of the Ledger.

How are you gonna do that? We

don't even know what was on it.

Maybe we don't need to.

You said that the Ledger was on

this 30-year-old floppy disk, right?

- Yeah.

- Well, I'm sure you guys all know

they don't last that long.

I can fake a dummy disk.

Just something that will convince R.I.Z.

that the data broke down over time.

All right, how would

you arrange the hand-off?

I'm sure we don't want to go to

the suburban office

park of t*rture anymore.

Oh, I might be able

to help with that one.

That dragon lady, I think

I know why she's in town.

My old firm never took me off

the holiday party invite list.

I figured you'd want something fancy.

[PLAYFUL GROWL]

Parker! Where did you get that?

[SCOFFS] I bought it.

Now that Eliot's safe,

give me one good reason

why I shouldn't cut you loose

for holding out on us about R.I.Z.

Hitter, hacker, grifter, thief

tax lawyer.

Didn't exactly come with

the flashiest resumé.

You were afraid we wouldn't let

you aboard our little pirate ship.

As far as R.I.Z. goes, my firm

hired them for data collection,

and I never asked.

It's becoming a pattern, your

keeping secrets from us, Mr. Wilson.

[WOMAN] Sophie Devereaux?

Alexandra Bligh.

I was just about to check out the

signed auction. Care to join me?

Oop. Just us girls.

I don't negotiate with amateurs.

It's fine.

They don't m*rder

people at private clubs.

It's unbecoming to the members.

Your team of misfit toys has been

making a lot of trouble for me.

At first, I found you sort of amusing.

But now I'm annoyed. [SIGHS]

Is that why you've been stalking

us and poking around in our servers?

You just needed a good laugh.

You think I'm scared of you?

Either that or you're jealous.

I mean, that's the only explanation

I can think of for your

rather creepy behavior.

[ALEXANDRA] Let's cut

the chitchat, shall we?

Is this the part where you tell me that

- this town isn't big enough for the both of us?

- Hardly.

Actually, I see no reason why Leverage

and R.I.Z. can't coexist quite happily.

We just need to agree on the terms.

- What terms?

- You give me Copperhead.

He's still wanted in multiple countries.

He'll fetch a lovely bounty.

He's an old man with no power.

You just want him for the Ledger.

And I won't give it up unless

you let him go free and clear.

His freedom for the Ledger?

That's my offer. Delivery at

the docks tomorrow at 7 a.m.

I'll text you the slip.

And if I'm not interested?

Well, if you want to get

really annoyed, just say no.

And I'll sell it to

your biggest competitor.

I looked for you in the bar.

This is a surprise.

The only quiet place

to answer my emails.

What are you doing here, Harry?

Oh, maybe I'm the

ghost of Christmas past.

Oh, come to show me

the error of my ways.

[CHUCKLES] When I was

a first-year associate,

you showed me how to

practice law the right way.

With integrity, honor. Remember?

Sure.

Then you showed me a different way.

You showed us all.

I'm not like that anymore.

[CHUCKLES] Come on. Robin Hood!

[CHUCKLES] This is your

post-breakdown death penalty case.

You scratched that itch. It's

time for you to come home.

You think I'm a tourist?

I've got new partners now.

You tell your new partners

about that fund you looted

for those plane crash victims?

Tell them about that deal

you cut them for that narco?

The one that drops his rivals in acid.

You tell them about Crutchfield?

They have no idea who you really are.

The choices I made cost me my marriage.

Cost me my daughter.

I don't have to keep making them.

And neither do you.

It wouldn't take much

for you to be a hero.

Just walk away.

You didn't get that

invitation by mistake.

I've got your office ready

and waiting for you, Harry.

[CLEARS THROAT] See you soon.

You think they're

actually gonna buy this?

If Hardison's [CLEARS THROAT]

if Breanna says it's

gonna work, it'll work.

That stuff really did

a number on you, huh?

That and knowing what buttons to push.

Operation Kansas.

I heard it over their

comms. I don't mean to pry.

Can't be easy keeping

that kind of stuff down.

Well you know, the work helps.

Keeps the mind busy.

Like you and your what,

these 10,000 books you've read?

The cancer, man.

Why aren't you seeking treatment?

That's not how I want to go out.

You you [CHUCKLES]

That sounds exactly like my old man.

Is he a stubborn ass, too?

Yeah

I haven't spoken to him since I was 18.

I feel like I

waited too long to

I feel like I've waited too long.

Like an old man in a library.

[SIGHS]

Okay.

How long till the hand-off at the docks?

Two hours.

That can't be good.

- The hell? Guess he got tired of waiting.

- Mm-hmm.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.

They're here? Already?

Mr. Wilson, prepare

to go on the offense.

And, Breanna, looks like we're

gonna need that convincer after all.

Yeah, uh, queuing up.

Everybody ready?

Breanna?

Go.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[g*nf*re SOUNDS]

Get the damn lights back on!

Hey, how's it going?

- [ZAPPING]

- [GRUNTS]

Offense. I like it.

[g*nshots]

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

[SCREAMS]

[GRUNTS]

Yeah, you better use

both of you, come here!

[SCREAMING AND GRUNTING]

Get back! Back!

[GRUNTS]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Blanche!

Blanche!

Don't you press Don't you

[HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING]

Ahh!

Ahh!

Ahh!

[MAN] Get the disk.

It's on him somewhere.

[GRUNTING]

Blanche! Blanche! Blanche!

Blanche! Blanche! Come

on, don't do this, man.

Why did you do that? Help! Help!

Don't do this, man. Blanche! Blanche!

Come on! Help!

So, no Ledger.

And no Copperhead.

They fired first.

[GRUNTS]

[ALEXANDRA] He's worth

nothing to me dead.

You're terminated.

[PANTS] No. No.

Oh, for heaven's sake,

I'm not gonna k*ll you.

This is a business.

I'd remind you of the NDA you signed.

Violate it, and I shall have no choice

but to reveal your

juvenile justice record,

army court-martial,

and that rather unspeakable

incident in Reno.

[CAR STARTS AND PULLS AWAY]

Just finished the sweep. No bugs.

[SIGHS]

You hear that? You're clear.

We're just lucky they

found the disk right away

and didn't stumble on this thing.

All right, Mr. Blanche,

this is not gonna hurt a bit.

I just need this about right here.

Fold that up and we thank you!

You're set.

Yeah, we're also lucky that

they all use the same g*ns.

[g*nshots]

And that nobody looks at

their clips during a firefight.

[ELIOT CHUCKLES]

And like a true hero, he is resurrected.

But dead to the rest of the world.

Congratulations, Mr. Blanche.

You've got a new chapter to write.

Thank you.

Hey, would you check

this one out for me?

Sure.

How did you figure it out?

You check that out every December.

Which is strange for a 1,200-page book

that doesn't exactly scream "Christmas."

But as it turns out,

a book needs to be checked

out at least once a year

to stay in circulation in

the Kenner Public Library.

I've read plenty of

books more than once.

Yeah, but that one's about a

lonely hero in an unfamiliar land.

It was a big deal a long time ago.

Kind of the perfect book for a

librarian to look after for 30 years.

Well, I did tell one truth.

I never looked at this thing.

Not a single time, not once.

Wait, whoa, hold on a second.

That has dirt on the

point-zero-zero-zero-one percent,

and you never even looked at it?

Much more of a fiction man myself.

[SIGHS] It's sad that I've wasted

30 years of my life guarding this thing.

No.

You weren't guarding it.

You were protecting everyone

that walked through that door,

or was chased in.

You saved lives.

You changed others.

I can't think of a better life spent.

Now, see, that's a real bucket list.

You don't have to hotwire it.

Well, this is for you.

- Hm.

- You give ?

[BLANCHE] And, hey

Remember that thing

that we talked about?

Don't wait.

Isn't that car a rental?

And there goes the budget.

["THE FIRST NOEL" PLAYS ON GRAMOPHONE]

Oh! I got you all a

little somethin' somethin'.

That's yours on top.

For Aspen. Goes to your daughter.

Well, she didn't invite me.

Well, neither did we.

It didn't stop you.

The Mr. Wilson we know

is very persistent.

Thank you.

Yours is the bottom.

And here's yours.

- [CELL PHONE VIBRATES]

- Ooh!

- Yeah.

- It's kinda heavy.

From 1996?

How did you know?

Well, I'm nothing if not observant.

Speaking of old tech,

what was on that floppy?

Oh, unreadable. Yeah.

Turns out I was right.

Thirty years is too long.

Hmm. So the Ledger was a myth after all?

Probably best it stays that way.

Where's Eliot?

[CELL PHONE VIBRATES]

[CONTAINER THUDS]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]