(male narrator)
Last on part one
of the special episode
of "Eight Is Enough.."
Everybody should hear
the good news.
'Susan and I are going
to Puerto Rico.'
Puerto Rico?
(Merle)
'To pitch in the Winter League.
We'll be taking off tomorrow.'
Not we, Merle.
If you want
to go to Puerto Rico
you can go by yourself.
Joannie, I only have a semester
and half till I graduate.
What about my career?
Okay, say you don't go with him
'where does that leave you?'
Look, Joannie, it hasn't been
all champagne and roses
with Merle and me.
Maybe this is what we needed.
What?
What, a separation?
I-if you change your mind,
there's plenty of money
in the checking account
for a plane ticket.
Merle, I don't think
I'll be changing my mind.
[door opens]
Well, I hope you're not
giving up completely. I mean..
I mean, I-I hope
there's still a chance.
I still love Merle, dad.
It's just I don't know.
- 'I don't know right now.'
- Okay.
Let's go home.
My home or your home?
Our home.
(male narrator)
And now, tonight's conclusion..
[theme song]
♪ There's a magic in
the early morning we've found ♪
♪ When the sunrise smiles
on everything around ♪
♪ It's a portrait
of the happiness ♪
♪ That we feel and always will ♪
♪ For eight is enough
to fill our lives with love ♪
♪ Oh we spend our days ♪
♪ Like bright
and shiny new dimes ♪
♪ If we're ever puzzled
by the changing times ♪
♪ There's a plate
of homemade wishes ♪
♪ On the kitchen windowsill ♪
♪ And eight is enough ♪
♪ To fill our lives with love ♪♪
You're wrong, Bradford.
Juicy Harvey's fish and chips
beats El Taco Terrific anytime.
- I hate fish.
- We're not talking fish.
We're talking women.
I heard Harvey's
is currently the best
hit-on place in Sacramento.
Even college girls go there.
Even secretaries.
- Secretaries?
- Yeah.
After a lonely day
at the typewriter.
So they're starved
for...companionship.
Okay, let's stow the old act.
We'll check it out.
Alright.
Secretaries, huh?
Sounds like a lot of fun, hmm.
I thought you're supposed
to be at the TV station
instead of here
stealing TV sets.
I thought Susan
ought to have something
to stare at besides her ceiling.
You mean she's hiding out
in bed again?
Yeah. I can't really blame her.
How would you feel
if your husband preferred
winter baseball
to your marriage?
Now, wait a second, Joannie.
It isn't exactly
being fair to Merle.
I mean, he had a right to take
that Puerto Rico contract.
'If Susan can have a career,
well then, why can't he?'
Look, Mary, I don't know
why they split up.
All I know is
Susan's in a really bad way.
If I had to do a role
calling for mental depression
I'd play it just how she looks.
That's hardly a medical opinion.
[sighs]
True.
So look, if you don't believe
me, why don't you go try
to get her back
into the world, okay?
- With a television?
- Yeah, with whatever it takes.
Huh!
Uh, hey, Tommy!
Tommy, wait.
Tommy, listen,
you going downtown?
Well, yeah.
I could really use a lift
to work
I missed one bus already.
I suppose we can
drop you off, get in.
Thanks.
Come on.
Alright.
Hey, Tommy! Tommy! Hold it!
Tommy, wait!
Hey, Tommy, if you're going
downtown, I need a ride.
I'm sorry, sport,
but there's no room.
Tommy, what do you mean?
There's plenty of room.
Well, yeah, but Ernie
and I have an appointment.
- 'Some other time.'
- Well, I need a ride now.
Uh, that's right, Tommy,
I promised Nicholas
that when we were finished
with the dentist
he could buy
a brand new basketball
at Martinson's clearance sale.
- Well, can't you take him?
- 'Why?'
And waste all that gasoline
when you're practically going
to the same place?
Climb in there, little Nicholas
and Tommy will take good care
of you.
But stay real close to him.
Come on, Nicholas. Let's go.
- Tommy, I'm late.
- Let's go.
For crying out loud, Nicholas!
Ah, this is what
I have always worked for.
An efficient carpool.
Too-da-loo!
Well, if you don't want to watch
TV, you could always get up.
'Look, we could go to
the Green Mandarin'
and get some Chinese food,
then, uh, take in a movie.
- Your choice, my treat.
- I don't think so.
Well, then how about
the basketball game?
Look, I heard Sacs State
has one of the cutest dribblers
in years.
'Now, I know how much
you like dribbling.'
Forget it, Mary.
Susan...listen to me.
When someone has surgery,
we encourage them
to get up and start moving
as soon as possible.
Well, you've had
a-an emotional kind of surgery
and you need
the same kind of therapy.
Mary, did Joannie
put you up to this?
It's just that we're both
really worried about you.
Well, then I'll tell you
the same thing I told her.
Please, just leave me alone.
[sighs]
(Nicholas)
'This isn't Martinson's.'
We'll get to Martinson's later,
sport.
Right now, Ernie and I
got to check this place out.
- Well, let's check it out!
- Not you, Nicholas.
- You'll scare them off.
- Scare who off?
Never mind, just wait here.
I don't wanna just wait here.
Well, you're not just waiting,
you're, uh, guarding the van.
- I am?
- Well, yeah!
We can't risk
leaving this here alone.
It's a very rough neighborhood.
I don't know, Bradford,
uh, it's a pretty big job.
You think
Nicholas can handle it?
I can handle it.
You said yourself,
I'd scare 'em off!
You're right, Ernie.
You said it yourself.
Let's go!
[instrumental music]
- We have met before.
- I beg your pardon.
Uh, we, uh, we may appear
to be strangers
but we once lived
in the same village
on an island in the Aegean Sea.
Uh, no, I'm afraid
there must be some mistake.
I have always lived
in Sacramento.
Oh, this was, uh, thousands
of years ago, before Sacramento.
[chuckles]
Oh, alright.
This is some kind of prank,
right?
Hey, who put him up to this?
Come on!
I see you walking
on a steep hillside
and you're gatherings herbs.
You're some kind of a priestess
and I'm a humble shepherd.
And the vision fades.
[laughing]
You really believe that?
Who are you?
Andre. Andre Jerome.
And, uh, this will explain
what I believed in.
"Psychic Breakthrough In
Contemporary California."
You'll find my thoughts on
reincarnation in chapter seven.
Mm, look, "Telekinesis,
telepathy, premonition."
You wrote this.
Except for, uh, three chapters
transmitted to me
while I was serving as a medium.
It was in that state
that I was directed to you.
To me?
Well, actually to the station.
You see, I believe my studies
need a wider audience
and I was told
at the reception desk
that, uh, you were in charge of
interviewing perspective guests
for Jeffrey Charles' talk show.
Oh, I see.
Well, um, we're pretty booked up
right now, Mr. Jerome
but, uh, thank you very much.
Oh, no, Andre. Call me Andre.
We have known one another
for thousands of years.
And, uh, before you, uh,
give me a complete no
can we try an experiment?
I sense that you're
very worried about someone.
Uh, well, everybody
is worried about somebody.
I sense that
you're very worried about..
...your sister.
That's the best hit-on spot
in Sacramento?
I don't understand it.
I hear guys have to
fight 'em off in there.
Yeah, you must have heard
backwards
'cause they kept treating me
like I was the invisible man.
I'll tell you one thing,
Bradford
I wouldn't go out with
any of those four and a half's.
Then why did you keep asking
those four and a half's?
Uh, well, just to test
the law of averages.
Yeah, well,
it doesn't work for us.
Hey, would you look at that?
Isn't that precious,
he's on guard duty?
What's your name?
- Who wants to know?
- Did you hear that?
Isn't he the cutest?
I could take you home
just to cuddle.
Did you see that?
We strike out, and your
little brother gets the chicks.
It's not fair.
Hey, don't think
about justice, Ernie.
Think about opportunity.
Hey, Nicholas!
Who's your friends?
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm-I'm Tommy,
and-and this is Ernie.
I'm...his older brother.
I'm sure you can see
the resemblance.
I want you to know, Mr. Jerome
that I did not believe
very much in ESP or any of that.
I'm sure there's a very
reasonable explanation
as to how you knew about Susan.
- Susan?
- Yes, my sister.
- Ah!
- Oh, wait a minute.
That might prove something,
you didn't even know her name.
- Did you?
- Well, I do now.
Susan is very interesting from
a numerological standpoint.
- You do numerology?
- When the vibrations are right.
Well, how are
the vibrations now?
Propitious.
Susan recently...suffered
a loss.
Wh..
You can see that?
I can see many things
with my eyes closed.
Uh, well, like what?
Um..
Is Susan gonna be alright?
I see a stranger
entering her life.
Stranger?
Uh, someone new.
Someone important.
'No! No, no, no,
you can't see that.'
'See, Susan's married.'
Well, I mean, she's separated,
and her husband's in Puerto Rico
but it's only been a few weeks,
and you can't see a stranger.
I'm sorry.
I only see what I see.
It's a definite stranger.
(Tom)
'Susan, are you sure
you won't come down to dinner?'
I don't feel up to it, dad.
Oh, look, I know it seems
like a-a terrible effort
but believe me,
once you get out of bed
and see the beautiful
carrot cake
that Abby bought,
I'll tell you
you'll feel like
a million dollars.
Nope, I'll be fine right here,
dad. Really.
- I wish I could believe that.
- Well, believe what?
Susan, we're all
very concerned about you.
We know what an ordeal you've
been through and we wanna help.
Well, thanks, Abby,
but I'm afraid this is the one
I'll have to work out myself.
Well, maybe you can
work it out faster
if you'd see somebody who..
Well, who knew how to handle
the kind of feelings
that you're having.
'Someone professional.'
Are you saying
I should see a shrink?
A psychologist.
And I can recommend
this Dr. Connor very highly.
She's a lovely woman,
you'll like her very much.
This has nothing to do
with my psychology.
Of course, it does, the reason
that you're physically exhausted
is because you're suffering
from a severe case
of mental and emotional stress
and it's about time
we deal with it!
I could see psychologists,
and none of them would help.
I guess I just can't lie
around here anymore, hiding..
...pretending it'll go away.
Pretending what will go away?
You might as well know.
I'm afraid I'm pregnant.
[instrumental music]
(Abby)
Remember now, there are such
things as false pregnancies.
I had all the same symptoms
that you do.
- But you weren't this sure.
- Yes, I was.
Well, here we go.
Every test in the book.
Oh, hold my hand!
So, what's the official
verdict, Dr. Max?
Do I have to be official?
Can't your old Uncle Max
should tell you
that you're gonna make
a wonderful mother?
- Then I am?
- If anyone ever was.
- I knew it.
- He's right, you know.
You'll make a wonderful mother.
- When, Dr. Max?
- In about days.
Give or take,
a few anxious nights
'but you'll be fine.
Everything is normal.'
'You're quite healthy,
you know.'
Must have an outstanding
family doctor!
Personally, I wouldn't
blame you if you decided
to name a boy Maxwell
or a girl Maxine.
Pay attention, Susan.
Laughing mothers
make laughing babies
and those were the jokes.
Sorry, Dr. Max,
I just don't feel like laughing.
Uh..
Susan...are you considering
under the, uh, circumstances
with your husband,
are you considering
not having this child?
I wouldn't do that. I couldn't.
Then cheer up.
It's not the end of the world.
- It's a new beginning.
- But why now?
I know,
mothers with lousy timing
make babies with lousy timing!
I'm going to give you
your first prescription, Susan.
No resentments.
You will welcome this child
and you'll make the best home
you can, starting right now.
I'll love my baby, Dr. Max.
Really, I will.
[sighs]
(Mary)
'Thanks for calling, Abby.
Uh, have you told dad yet?'
'Yeah, I don't blame you.'
It took me a while
to get up the nerve too.
Yeah, bye-bye.
It's true? Susan is..
About two months is.
You mean,
it wasn't psychosomatic?
Aw, poor Susan.
What do we say to her?
Yeah, really.
"Hey, Susan,
we heard the great news.
You lost a husband,
but you gained a baby."
How could Merle do
a thing like that?
You want
a whole medical lecture?
Uh! You know what I mean.
How could Merle desert a wife
who was pregnant?
- Merle doesn't know.
- He doesn't?
Well, I didn't even suspect
it myself before he left.
You know
how tensed things were
the last few weeks
we weren't together.
When I went off schedule,
I just figured
it was an emotional strain.
When I moved back home
and it happened again
that's when I knew for sure.
I couldn't face it.
Haven't you been
in touch with Merle?
Of course not.
Well, so he has no idea.
No, we hardly even
talked about children.
They were just something
we wanted someday
when we were good and ready.
Pfft! That's a laugh.
But if Merle wanted children
then he should be
real happy to hear this.
Why, he'll just see it as one
more weight
dragging him away
from the major leagues.
How do you know
if you haven't told him?
I know him. I know him better
now than when I married him.
Which was my first mistake!
[sighs]
A baby!
Ah, you mean, all this time
I was lecturing Susan
it was a baby.
That's right.
How could I have been
so wrong?
Relax, Joannie.
None of us guessed it.
[sighs]
I know, but none of you
share your room
in your lives with Susan.
I mean..
I should have been able to
sense something this momentous.
Joannie, come on.
You're not a mind reader.
No, I'm not a..
Andre!
[gasps]
He was right!
He said there would be
someone new in Susan's life.
- That's it!
- Who is Andre?
He's somebody I met at
the station. He's a psychic.
Uh-huh. Come on, Joannie.
You don't believe that
kind of mumbo jumbo, do you?
Well, he did say
that Susan would suffer
a loss, which was Merle, right?
And then he predicted
Susan's baby
before even she knew for sure.
Well, maybe he's a good guesser.
Or maybe we should all
read his book.
[scoffs]
Might be kind of interesting.
Does he make any predictions
about the stock market?
Only that it goes up
and that it goes down!
- You're a cynic.
- Patsy.
Alright, if you don't want
to read Andre's book
how about a little Shakespeare?
"There are more things
in heaven and Earth, Horatio
than are dreamt of
in your philosophy."
- Shakespeare said that?
- He did.
Sounds kind of cliche.
I think I'd rather read Andre.
Yeah, Andre.
I wonder what else he knows
about Susan's future.
Lots of ways of helping people.
- Joannie, you're not.
- I predict she is.
[instrumental music]
Nicholas, make a left.
Yeah, I like this spot.
(Ernie)
We can, uh, we can hang around
that bend over there.
Yeah, this spot will be perfect.
Okay, Nicholas, sit down
and take off your skates.
- But I just got them on.
- Take 'em off.
Okay, but just remember
you only paid me for an hour.
I know, I know, now as soon as
you get 'em all unlaced
just sit there
and look helpless.
Why should I look helpless?
I've been lacing shoes
since I was three.
- The chicks won't know that.
- Exactly!
So just sit there
and look helpless.
Oh, and precious.
Precious?
You guys want your money back?
Careful, Ernie.
You're gonna blow the deal.
'Let's get out of here
before any chicks come.'
[instrumental music]
Don't you think it's time
you tell Merle?
Forget it, dad. I'm not gonna
tell Merle just yet.
Susan, I can't believe that.
I've got a lot of things
to figure out.
I'm not ready for Merle.
But he's the father
of your child!
He doesn't have to know that
right now.
Abby, do you hear
what I'm hearing?
Yes, and I think
we should just listen--
Well, I will, I will.
It's just that
I should think you'd be
very eager to tell Merle
about it.
Why?
Because this changes the whole
complexion of the separation.
- Everything is different now.
- Is it?
Well, yes, I mean, in case
you haven't been listening
to what you came here
to tell me
there's a child
to be considered.
Dad, that's exactly
what I am telling you!
There is a child now
and I'm not gonna risk the
future, happiness of that child.
You're not.
Well, then how come
you're overlooking the fact
that children need fathers?
Children need love.
And Merle and
I didn't have enough of that
to keep us together.
A child might give you
a new reason to find that love.
No, dad.
A child is the wrong reason.
[instrumental music]
- Hi.
- Hi.
Hey, Bradford.
Some chicks finally stopped.
- Where?
- Over there?
Well, come, come on!
Nicholas?
Do people ever call you Nicky?
- Not if I can help it.
- Isn't he a darling?
Would you like to skate with us?
Hello, ladies!
Can we be of any assistance?
Yeah, any assistance?
- Can't you see we're busy?
- Oh, we just want to help.
Can you get lost?
We're talking to this
nice young man.
That's okay. Talk to Tommy.
That's the whole idea.
(female #)
What?
Well, why else will I let you
tie my dumb skate?
You mean, you need to use him
to get girls?
Creeps!
Nicholas, we're gonna
have to make a few improvements!
(Joannie)
'I mean, that's the way
it had to be.'
'Mary has her career.'
Nancy wouldn't want
to complicate her wardrobe.
Elizabeth's too young.
I kinda look at myself
as the, uh, indulgent aunt
who sweeps in from Paris
or Tokyo like an [indistinct].
I mean, there's no doubt about
it, Susan, you're the perfect
an inevitable mother
in this family.
Yeah, but you're expected
to be happy about it.
Well, I am happy about it.
Susan, I...I mean I will be
happy about it.
That's what's complicated
right now.
- I know you'll work it out.
- Starting where and doing what?
Oh, Joannie, I'm so confused
and the advice I get
just makes me more confused.
- Oh, from dad, right?
- From everybody!
- We're just trying to help you.
- I need more than help.
I need a miracle!
Oh, I know.
I know.
Look, frankly, I'm becoming
a little less skeptical.
Oh, I could have predicted that.
Oh, good. Here, take a seat.
Oh, thank you.
Um, but of course,
I'm gonna need something
a little more convincing
if I'm gonna recommend
that you be on
Mr. Charles's talk show.
Oh, well, I can bend
a few spoons I think.
Well, that's nice in visual,
but, uh, I was thinking
of something with
a little more human interest.
I'm-I'm trying to read your mind
but these fluorescent lights
cause a lot of static.
Oh..
I'm thinking about my sister.
- Ah, Susan.
- Yes.
What about her?
Well, uh, you see
I'm very concerned about her
a-and I thought that
since you've picked up
on her problems so quickly..
W-well it would make
an interesting
scientific experiment, if..
If I examined her future.
Yes, now you're reading
my thoughts.
Well, you know,
no one understands static.
It comes, it goes, but S-Susan,
that's an interesting challenge.
Well, I thought as long as you
wanted to do something psychic
and I wanted to help
my sister, Susan..
...then maybe we could
w-work together.
I'll have to get back to you.
W-why?
Is this some kind of a stall?
Oh, no. No, no,
why should I stall?
I mean, you know how much
I want to get my message
across to Sacramento,
on Mr. Charles talk show.
Now, the problem is
I have to check this out.
- Oh, you mean with..
- With..
(Tom)
'You see, you're-you're
both talking like'
'this is only Susan's concern.'
Merle is a fine boy.
He shares in this.
- He should know about it.
- Well, of course he does.
Look, Tom, Susan
is-is very confused
and-and she's frightened and..
Well, I just think that we
should give her a day or two
before, well, before we cause
her anymore pain.
Oh, it might not be pain.
Something like this could
bring them both to their senses.
It could make them see
what marriage is all about.
That it's not just some
casual arrangements
some modern dance where,
where you leave your partner
the first time your toes
get stepped on.
This can't just be what Susan
wants or what Merle wants.
There's a child now!
Don't you think
Susan knows that?
- And this child's also Merle's.
- That's true.
- And it's my first grandchild.
- I know.
If she won't tell him,
I'll have to tell him.
That's blackmail.
Well, Susan, he's worried
about his grandchild.
He thinks that this is the way
to bring you and, and, and Merle
back together,
and give your baby a happy home.
Didn't he hear anything I said?
Merle and I stopped being happy.
We couldn't agree
on anything.
Abby, I'm not gonna raise
my child on some battleground.
I have seen kids
from homes like that
at the daycare center.
They're in shock like refugees.
Believe me, dad wouldn't want
his own grandchild
raised like that.
Well, regardless, he thinks
that Merle should be told
as soon as possible.
No, dad's not gonna push us back
together for the wrong reasons.
I've made up my mind.
My baby's not gonna be
some baseball gypsy.
She'll have a stable home
and all the love
that I can give her.
Oh, yes, Susan, all the love
that you can give her
but what about Merle?
I'm not gonna raise
my child in an unhappy home.
I've decided to get a divorce.
Susan. Susan.
(Tommy)
'Ah, it wasn't
the shrimp's fault'
'we just didn't coach
him enough.'
What's this we stuff?
He's your brother, Bradford.
Just straighten him out.
If he doesn't do what you tell
him, just pound his head.
Ernie, you're obviously ignorant
to the ways of a little brother
and a big father.
I just don't wanna miss out
on any more opportunities.
I think one of those girls
was probably a divorcee.
No, they were too young.
Not the one with the green eyes.
She looked divorced.
- I can tell.
- How?
Well, the way she came on to me.
She didn't come on. She cut out.
It was the way she cut out.
Experienced.
Provocative.
If I'd only had another
ten seconds with her.
You know something, Ernie?
You are weird, man.
You are really weird.
But you are right.
We do have to straighten
Nicholas out and try again.
So, you wait here.
I'll get the kid.
Okay, you guys, here's Mary.
A seance? I mean,
you've gotta be kidding me.
Well, you call yourself
a scientist.
Where's your open mind?
Joannie, I don't want my minds
open, then it just falls out.
She has a point.
See, the words seance
is a bit passe.
It would be more accurate
to describe what people attempt
this evening
as an exploratory analysis
of multi spectrum communication.
Well, call it anything you like
as long as it helps Susan.
Oh, you, you mean, you two
are gonna go along with this?
Well, there's nothing
on the tube, but reruns
so it's either seance
or homework.
If Elizabeth and Nancy can do
it, so can you, right, Mare?
Oh, come on, please.
Andre says that
we need lots of bodies
to-to generate
lots of vibrations.
Yeah, well, I'm really sorry
'Andre and you guys,
but my vibrations'
have a previous commitment.
I'm sorry.
It's too bad.
It's going to leave us
with a pretty weak signal.
Is there anyone else available?
Well, there's Susan,
we could ask her.
That's who we're trying to help.
- Forget Susan.
- 'Why?'
Well, dad had to see her
for some reason.
He looked real grim,
and he locked the door.
- Really?
- Yeah.
So, what do you say,
we get started.
She can use all the help
she can get.
Yes, dad, a divorce.
(Tom)
'Oh, you can't be serious.'
I called Janet, she's coming
over here tonight with David.
I'm gonna ask her
to be my lawyer.
Wait a minute. Susan, please.
Now just slow down.
You haven't even told Merle
that he's going to have a baby.
When he hears that,
everything might change.
But, dad, you know Merle.
His ideas on marriage are right
out of the last century.
When I do tell him,
he'll just order me
to be a dutiful wife
and a housebound mother.
I don't even wanna argue it
with him.
He'll just have to know
right off that it can't happen.
Susan, you don't understand.
A man feels very differently
about a woman
that's going to have his child.
Merle might change.
Dad, it doesn't work like that.
Babies don't change
a bad relationship.
They just add more strain.
No, it's better to face
the inevitable right now.
Susan..
...I-I walked with you
down the wedding aisle.
I-I saw the way
you looked at Merle
and the way he looked at you.
Now, come on, I can't believe
that that love between you two
could vanish so fast.
But you're the one
who told me I was wrong
to rush into marriage.
I didn't listen to you then,
but I agree with you now.
But you did get married
and now you having a child.
You can't change that.
So don't rush out of it.
Back off from what you want.
Think about Merle.
Tell him about his child.
It's no use, dad.
- Then I'll tell him.
- No.
Not till I talk to Janet.
Not till I'm ready.
I think I have to tell him.
Don't. Dad, I'll tell him.
And if you or anybody else
in this family
interferes in this,
I'll use blackmail too.
Blackmail?
I'll go away. You'll never see
your grandchild...ever.
Okay, Nicholas,
we'll rehearse it once more.
Now stand there
and pretend I'm a girl.
If you were a girl,
I wouldn't stand, I'd run.
Nicholas, just do what he says.
If you blow it again,
we don't pay you.
Alright, I'm standing.
Now, when I walk up and start
telling you you're cute
you just smile.
Keep your mouth shut.
Would you tell him
to make up his mind?
How can chicks say
this kid is precious?
Tommy, Nicholas, Susan wants
to see you in her room.
Susan, why?
Just talk to her.
Is there anything wrong?
You look pale.
You heard me.
Concentrate.
We're pushing
beyond the barrier.
Focus.
'Now, focus.'
[no audio]
'I see a strong light.'
'It's coming nearer.'
'Don't be disturbed
if you feel a sudden chill.'
Don't worry if the table
begins to shake.
Or if you hear a sudden noise.
[knock on door]
[all screaming]
What was that?
It's us, why is the door locked?
Tommy, come on in, quick.
- What is going on?
- Shh, it's a seance.
No, it-it's not a seance.
Well, it's kind of a seance.
W-well, we're doing it
for Susan.
Somebody better do something
for Susan.
She just laid this whole
guilt trip on us
about not telling Merle
about her condition.
Us too.
I keep asking everybody.
What condition?
Are these constant interruptions
necessary?
I am trying to find guidance
for your sister.
I know, Andre.
We'll get right back to it.
Um, we can really use
some help, you guys.
Could you sit down and join us?
Come on, it'll be great,
come on. Move over.
Okay, Nicholas, sit here.
Where's the cards and chips?
Nicholas, this isn't poker.
Oh, didn't you hear, sport?
We're having a seance.
I've never played seance.
What do you do?
Well, if we were smart,
we'd get up and go play poker.
No, you'd shut up
and hold hands.
Hold hands.
What a great gimmick, Bradford.
If we ever meet any girls,
we gotta try this.
(Joannie)
'Shh.'
Please be quiet
and listen to Andre.
Everyone..
...close your eyes.
Be absolutely quiet.
And concentrate.
Concentrate.
'Concentrate.'
Of course, Susan,
if that's the way you want it.
Alright, now, are you satisfied?
Everybody has agreed
there will be no family
meddling between you and Merle.
We're all going to stay neutral.
Well, I'm sorry, dad
but you left me no choice.
Oh, Susan, believe me,
you haven't even begun
to count your choices.
- Hello, everybody.
- I'll be right with you, Janet.
Janet, come on, and see if you
can talk some sense
into her because I can't.
Oh, I hate to be rude, dad,
but I'd really like to talk
to my attorney alone.
Come on, Janet.
Alright, and I'm going to stay
neutral. Now, don't forget.
Janet, didn't David come
with you?
Oh, yes, dad,
he's down in the living room
helping Joannie with something.
Excuse me.
David.
Boy, oh, boy.
I mean, do I deserve this?
In an upstairs bedroom,
I have a pregnant daughter here
discussing divorce,
and downstairs
in my living room,
the rest of my children
'are conducting a seance.'
Maybe it's to test
your sense of humor.
Well, then I just flunked.
They didn't give
their marriage a chance.
'What do they expect?'
'A few minutes
of romantic fever'
earns them happiness forever?
Nobody has to change.
Everybody gets exactly
what they want?
You don't sound very neutral.
Wasn't she watching?
Didn't she see how fragile
any marriage can be?
Oh.
Abby..
...how could I'd turn to you now
if we hadn't had to survive
all those fights
and compromises?
You mean your fights
and my compromises.
And your teasing.
I couldn't face
all these right now
if you weren't right here
to tease me.
That's one of the sweetest
things you've ever said to me.
- It is?
- It is.
I was talking about Susan.
Oh, yes, Susan.
She's barely years old.
And we each had a chance to
learn something about marriage.
And about being alone.
And about being alone.
I'm glad I found you.
I'm glad I found you.
And that we can disagree
and come back
from more disagreement.
Yeah.
It ought to be somewhere
you can pass
that on to your children.
They should invent their ways
so that Susan's baby
doesn't make the same mistakes.
Don't worry,
you're gonna get a sh*t
at your grandchild's education.
You think so?
I think so.
Susan's being so hard.
So tough.
Because she's so scared.
Okay, Susan, I've said
all I'm gonna say to you
as your sister-in-law.
Now I speak to you
as your attorney.
Don't even think about divorce.
And what kind of attorney
says that?
A good attorney is supposed to
urge both parties to consider
every possibility
for conciliation.
Oh, I see.
Just like a sister-in-law.
Susan...I don't think
you really wanna do this.
Do you know how painful
divorce can be?
When you have to face pain,
the best way
is to get it over with it
as fast as you can.
Now what do you recommend
for making sure
Merle provided child support?
I don't think there will be
any problem.
Merle would wanna take care of
you in every way that he can.
I can remember hearing Merle
talk about that.
He did? When?
Few months ago.
In your backyard.
I was standing next to David
and, uh, you were
right over there
and Merle was right over there.
And up there was the minister.
And I heard him say
it very distinctly.
"I, Merle Stockwell,
take Susan Bradford
to love and to cherish"
from this day forward,
till death do us part."
Stop, Janet, just stop.
Please.
[instrumental music]
Veil is lifting.
I feel a presence approaching.
Concentrate, everyone.
There!
- Now I see our guide!
- Where?
[Joannie whispering]
Shh, Nicholas,
it's an invisible spirit.
- You mean a ghost?
- According to Andre.
You didn't tell me
this was going to be spooky.
(Andre)
'Concentrate, everyone!'
The entity is about to enter
our vibrational field.
'Help me, everyone!
Send your energies!'
'He's approaching'
'I can see him clearly!'
[screams]
- 'So do I.'
- You're kidding.
- No, I was him!
- No, it's your imagination.
Looking through the window.
There it is. It's Merle.
(Joannie)
'Andre!'
- Merle. Hey, come on in.
- Hey, Tommy.
- What're you doing here?
- Hey, good to see you.
Let me have your bag, here.
- Go on in.
- Thank you.
Did I hear somebody scream?
Merle?
[indistinct]
(Merle)
'Hey, everybody.'
Hey, I'm real sorry,
I didn't mean to scare anybody.
But why did you peak
through the window like that?
I just wanted to see
if I could find Susan alone.
[chuckles]
Sounds I should have
known better.
Well, Merle,
who called in Puerto Rico
and who told you to come home?
That's what I'd like to know.
Merle, what are you doing here?
Susan, I got to talk to you.
Yeah, and I've got
to talk to you too.
(Merle)
'What are we talking about?'
Well, I didn't want it to be
like this, but since it is
let's talk, in here.
Well, why not?
Whoever you are, I want you to
know that I think it's pretty
sneaky promising me not to tell
Merle when you already had.
- Hey!
- Wow!
What is going on?
Whoever told Merle,
I'm glad you did.
Yeah, whoever it was,
you might as well confess
so we can give you
a round of applause.
Yeah, come on.
Fess up, Nicholas.
Wait a minute, I promised Susan
I wouldn't tell Merle
and how could I find Puerto Rico
in the first place?
It's not in the yellow
or the white pages.
I bet, it wasn't a Bradford.
How can it not be a Bradford?
(Joannie)
'I bet it was Andre.'
- Andre?
- By telepathy.
I'd like to take credit for it
but I can't.
Well, then who told Merle?
Told me what?
Come on, Merle. You know
the reason you came back.
[chuckles]
I came back
because I couldn't stand
being away from you another day.
Now, don't lie to me, Merle!
- Lie about what?
- Now stop playing games.
You know we're gonna have
a baby.
A-a baby?
[chuckles]
Us?
T-that's the best news
I ever heard!
W-we're having a baby.
They're having a baby!
They're having a baby!
That's right, Nicholas.
That's means
I'm gonna be an uncle.
Alright!
Just hold on, Nicholas!
Merle looked too happy.
I have a feeling that she
didn't tell him everything.
What's everything?
Divorce, Nicholas.
[chuckles]
Th-the..
That's the craziest thing
I ever heard of!
We end our marriage now
when we're having a baby?
That's right.
Before it gets too complicated.
Think about it, Merle, what
do you want for your baby?
A home where its mother
and father are always fighting?
We're not always fighting!
We just fought too much!
But we can change that!
And who gets hurt if we don't?
The baby.
I just wish I had a curve ball
I could twist like your ideas!
Well, at least I have ideas.
And I don't?
Alright, now I'm
thinking about my baby.
- It is mine too, you know.
- Yes, it is.
So take responsibility for it!
Now think, Merle, do you
want your child around
this fighting every day?
Do you? Do you want that?
Wha..
Dad, Andre would like
to continue the seance.
'Are you sure
you won't join us?'
No, I'm not sure,
I'm positive.
Well, David, does that mean
you're finking out on us too?
Oh, sorry, my horoscope says
it's a bad day for seances.
[chuckles]
[scoffs]
Well, perhaps,
I should join them.
I mean, I bombed out
as Susan's legal advisor.
Maybe it's time for
desperate measure.
Not that desperate.
Well, at least Merle's here.
Now, they'll get everything
out in the open
and they'll fight it out.
- And they'll fight, believe me.
- It's what you said you wanted.
Uh, maybe what I wanted,
but it's also a way
they can lose it all.
[sighs]
I don't know
if I should tell you this.
Tell us what?
I want you to prepare yourself
for some negative vibrations.
Hm, why not,
I'm already negative enough.
This has all been
pretty boring.
Maybe we can switch to checkers.
Or dominos!
How about post office?
Will you all be quiet, please?
What's the problem, Andre?
I'm getting definite
impressions from the cosmos!
Impressions of what?
Conflict, obstacles
failure!
You mean, Susan and Merle
might not get back together?
I, I can predict only
what I must predict.
They will go their
separate ways!
[dramatic music]
Listen to me.
I have been on three different
airplanes in the last hours.
I've practically went
AWOL to get here
and I did it because I was ready
to make us a new life.
Okay, so there's a baby now.
That just means
I'm twice as ready.
I'm not just talking, Susan.
Well, here,
I'll read you my list.
What list?
Changes I'm gonna make.
- You actually made a list?
- In Puerto Rico.
Number one, if you come back,
I promise I'll never ask you
to follow me on my
baseball jobs again.
Let me see that.
Here it is.
So you mean,
if we stayed married
I could stay in Sacramento
and finish my education?
Well, yeah, and after
you finish college
you can live here too.
And when it's off season,
I'll come join you.
Of course, if I pitch in
the World Series someday
I'd like you to be there
watching me from the stands.
Well, if I came back, I think
that might be arranged.
Not might!
You'd have to be there.
This won't work
if we both don't bend.
Well, I'd want to be there
if you'll let me work.
There goes my list.
H-how can you work
with a baby?
When the baby is old enough,
I wanna work, Merle!
'Now, if you really cared
about me, you'd let me do it.'
After all, I know the best
daycare center in Sacramento.
And I've got four sisters
who are very experienced
babysitters.
Hm.
Well...if you work..
...I can have my team friends
over any Friday night I want.
Oh, does that mean Bingo Biglow
and his wad of tobacco?
It could include
any friend I want.
Well, fair's fair,
but Bingo Biglow..
And I can even barbeque
them steaks.
- Steaks!
- Which you don't have to eat!
Merle, you might as
well know right now
I'm planning to raise
the child as a vegetarian.
I think he should decide
that for himself.
- Herself.
- Whatever.
Didn't you always say
every person should decide
their own lives?
Yeah, I guess I should
listen to myself.
Well, okay then, it'll be
our baby's decision.
Our baby's?
Do you realize
what you just did?
I said our baby's.
That's right!
You said ours.
But we've just been fighting,
and you didn't get your way
percent
and I didn't get mine.
The sky didn't fall
on top of us.
You know, actually,
the deal's pretty good.
Yeah, actually, you know..
...the deal's beautiful!
Susan, I think we just
proved something.
What?
I'm not the same guy who left
and you're not the same girl
who stayed home.
I think it could work.
I think we could make
our baby a real happy home.
Real happy.
No argument there.
Oh, Merle..
Now kiss me.
- Mm, God I've missed you.
- Oh! Me too.
[instrumental music]
- Everybody, come quick!
- What is it?
Well, you're needed
in the living room!
No, Nicholas,
I will have nothing to do
with those goings-on.
It's not the seance!
It's Susan! She's crying!
And we know we love
each other enough.
Of course, you'll all be at
the christening of Merle Junior.
No! Susan, the Second!
- How about twins?
- 'Alright.'
[indistinct chattering]
Yeah!
Nicolas, you scared me.
Those are happy tears.
Are yours happy too?
Yes, Nicholas. Very happy.
[instrumental music]
I'm sorry, your dire predictions
were so wrong for you.
- But I'm happy for us!
- Yeah.
I guess I really blew it.
Well, maybe
I'm just fooling myself.
- Maybe this isn't my field!
- Maybe.
Do you think I could get
on the show if I knocked out
a book about love?
I mean, I could believe in love!
[laughs]
People do, Andre.
People do.
[indistinct chattering]
[indistinct]
[instrumental music]
Alright! T-thank you, coach!
- I've got it, honey!
- Oh, sweetheart!
- That's wonderful!
- Oh!
Yippee! What's so wonderful?
Merle got two weeks off
for our reunion honeymoon!
Oh, that's great.
Where are you going?
- Right here!
- Exotic Sacramento?
Yep! That's where everybody from
Puerto Rico goes for romance!
And we're moving back into
our old apartment today!
So let's go,
you old Arkansas mule!
Oh! Careful, honey, these days
you are name calling for two!
- Oh, excuse us.
- Excuse you for sure.
She actually came to the house?
Yep, and she's waiting
in the screened porch.
I don't know how you do it.
Well, just like you
and Ernie taught me.
I stood there and looked
a little precious
'and then this beautiful
older chick walked up'
and started talking,
so I invited her home.
Wow! Door-to-door delivery.
Sure makes up for all
the times that you blew it.
Now, come on,
introduce us.
Right! Wait here.
[dramatic music]
Ginger, I'd like you
to meet my brother, Tommy.
Ginger..
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
04x12 - Arrivals
Watch/Buy Amazon
The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.
The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.