04x12 - Arrivals

[bunniefuu]

(male narrator)

Last on part one

of the special episode

of "Eight Is Enough.."

Everybody should hear

the good news.

'Susan and I are going

to Puerto Rico.'

Puerto Rico?

(Merle)

'To pitch in the Winter League.

We'll be taking off tomorrow.'

Not we, Merle.

If you want

to go to Puerto Rico

you can go by yourself.

Joannie, I only have a semester

and half till I graduate.

What about my career?

Okay, say you don't go with him

'where does that leave you?'

Look, Joannie, it hasn't been

all champagne and roses

with Merle and me.

Maybe this is what we needed.

What?

What, a separation?

I-if you change your mind,

there's plenty of money

in the checking account

for a plane ticket.

Merle, I don't think

I'll be changing my mind.

[door opens]

Well, I hope you're not

giving up completely. I mean..

I mean, I-I hope

there's still a chance.

I still love Merle, dad.

It's just I don't know.

- 'I don't know right now.'

- Okay.

Let's go home.

My home or your home?

Our home.

(male narrator)

And now, tonight's conclusion..

[theme song]

♪ There's a magic in

the early morning we've found ♪

♪ When the sunrise smiles

on everything around ♪

♪ It's a portrait

of the happiness ♪

♪ That we feel and always will ♪

♪ For eight is enough

to fill our lives with love ♪

♪ Oh we spend our days ♪

♪ Like bright

and shiny new dimes ♪

♪ If we're ever puzzled

by the changing times ♪

♪ There's a plate

of homemade wishes ♪

♪ On the kitchen windowsill ♪

♪ And eight is enough ♪

♪ To fill our lives with love ♪♪

You're wrong, Bradford.

Juicy Harvey's fish and chips

beats El Taco Terrific anytime.

- I hate fish.

- We're not talking fish.

We're talking women.

I heard Harvey's

is currently the best

hit-on place in Sacramento.

Even college girls go there.

Even secretaries.

- Secretaries?

- Yeah.

After a lonely day

at the typewriter.

So they're starved

for...companionship.

Okay, let's stow the old act.

We'll check it out.

Alright.

Secretaries, huh?

Sounds like a lot of fun, hmm.

I thought you're supposed

to be at the TV station

instead of here

stealing TV sets.

I thought Susan

ought to have something

to stare at besides her ceiling.

You mean she's hiding out

in bed again?

Yeah. I can't really blame her.

How would you feel

if your husband preferred

winter baseball

to your marriage?

Now, wait a second, Joannie.

It isn't exactly

being fair to Merle.

I mean, he had a right to take

that Puerto Rico contract.

'If Susan can have a career,

well then, why can't he?'

Look, Mary, I don't know

why they split up.

All I know is

Susan's in a really bad way.

If I had to do a role

calling for mental depression

I'd play it just how she looks.

That's hardly a medical opinion.

[sighs]

True.

So look, if you don't believe

me, why don't you go try

to get her back

into the world, okay?

- With a television?

- Yeah, with whatever it takes.

Huh!

Uh, hey, Tommy!

Tommy, wait.

Tommy, listen,

you going downtown?

Well, yeah.

I could really use a lift

to work

I missed one bus already.

I suppose we can

drop you off, get in.

Thanks.

Come on.

Alright.

Hey, Tommy! Tommy! Hold it!

Tommy, wait!

Hey, Tommy, if you're going

downtown, I need a ride.

I'm sorry, sport,

but there's no room.

Tommy, what do you mean?

There's plenty of room.

Well, yeah, but Ernie

and I have an appointment.

- 'Some other time.'

- Well, I need a ride now.

Uh, that's right, Tommy,

I promised Nicholas

that when we were finished

with the dentist

he could buy

a brand new basketball

at Martinson's clearance sale.

- Well, can't you take him?

- 'Why?'

And waste all that gasoline

when you're practically going

to the same place?

Climb in there, little Nicholas

and Tommy will take good care

of you.

But stay real close to him.

Come on, Nicholas. Let's go.

- Tommy, I'm late.

- Let's go.

For crying out loud, Nicholas!

Ah, this is what

I have always worked for.

An efficient carpool.

Too-da-loo!

Well, if you don't want to watch

TV, you could always get up.

'Look, we could go to

the Green Mandarin'

and get some Chinese food,

then, uh, take in a movie.

- Your choice, my treat.

- I don't think so.

Well, then how about

the basketball game?

Look, I heard Sacs State

has one of the cutest dribblers

in years.

'Now, I know how much

you like dribbling.'

Forget it, Mary.

Susan...listen to me.

When someone has surgery,

we encourage them

to get up and start moving

as soon as possible.

Well, you've had

a-an emotional kind of surgery

and you need

the same kind of therapy.

Mary, did Joannie

put you up to this?

It's just that we're both

really worried about you.

Well, then I'll tell you

the same thing I told her.

Please, just leave me alone.

[sighs]

(Nicholas)

'This isn't Martinson's.'

We'll get to Martinson's later,

sport.

Right now, Ernie and I

got to check this place out.

- Well, let's check it out!

- Not you, Nicholas.

- You'll scare them off.

- Scare who off?

Never mind, just wait here.

I don't wanna just wait here.

Well, you're not just waiting,

you're, uh, guarding the van.

- I am?

- Well, yeah!

We can't risk

leaving this here alone.

It's a very rough neighborhood.

I don't know, Bradford,

uh, it's a pretty big job.

You think

Nicholas can handle it?

I can handle it.

You said yourself,

I'd scare 'em off!

You're right, Ernie.

You said it yourself.

Let's go!

[instrumental music]

- We have met before.

- I beg your pardon.

Uh, we, uh, we may appear

to be strangers

but we once lived

in the same village

on an island in the Aegean Sea.

Uh, no, I'm afraid

there must be some mistake.

I have always lived

in Sacramento.

Oh, this was, uh, thousands

of years ago, before Sacramento.

[chuckles]

Oh, alright.

This is some kind of prank,

right?

Hey, who put him up to this?

Come on!

I see you walking

on a steep hillside

and you're gatherings herbs.

You're some kind of a priestess

and I'm a humble shepherd.

And the vision fades.

[laughing]

You really believe that?

Who are you?

Andre. Andre Jerome.

And, uh, this will explain

what I believed in.

"Psychic Breakthrough In

Contemporary California."

You'll find my thoughts on

reincarnation in chapter seven.

Mm, look, "Telekinesis,

telepathy, premonition."

You wrote this.

Except for, uh, three chapters

transmitted to me

while I was serving as a medium.

It was in that state

that I was directed to you.

To me?

Well, actually to the station.

You see, I believe my studies

need a wider audience

and I was told

at the reception desk

that, uh, you were in charge of

interviewing perspective guests

for Jeffrey Charles' talk show.

Oh, I see.

Well, um, we're pretty booked up

right now, Mr. Jerome

but, uh, thank you very much.

Oh, no, Andre. Call me Andre.

We have known one another

for thousands of years.

And, uh, before you, uh,

give me a complete no

can we try an experiment?

I sense that you're

very worried about someone.

Uh, well, everybody

is worried about somebody.

I sense that

you're very worried about..

...your sister.

That's the best hit-on spot

in Sacramento?

I don't understand it.

I hear guys have to

fight 'em off in there.

Yeah, you must have heard

backwards

'cause they kept treating me

like I was the invisible man.

I'll tell you one thing,

Bradford

I wouldn't go out with

any of those four and a half's.

Then why did you keep asking

those four and a half's?

Uh, well, just to test

the law of averages.

Yeah, well,

it doesn't work for us.

Hey, would you look at that?

Isn't that precious,

he's on guard duty?

What's your name?

- Who wants to know?

- Did you hear that?

Isn't he the cutest?

I could take you home

just to cuddle.

Did you see that?

We strike out, and your

little brother gets the chicks.

It's not fair.

Hey, don't think

about justice, Ernie.

Think about opportunity.

Hey, Nicholas!

Who's your friends?

- Hi.

- Hi.

I'm-I'm Tommy,

and-and this is Ernie.

I'm...his older brother.

I'm sure you can see

the resemblance.

I want you to know, Mr. Jerome

that I did not believe

very much in ESP or any of that.

I'm sure there's a very

reasonable explanation

as to how you knew about Susan.

- Susan?

- Yes, my sister.

- Ah!

- Oh, wait a minute.

That might prove something,

you didn't even know her name.

- Did you?

- Well, I do now.

Susan is very interesting from

a numerological standpoint.

- You do numerology?

- When the vibrations are right.

Well, how are

the vibrations now?

Propitious.

Susan recently...suffered

a loss.

Wh..

You can see that?

I can see many things

with my eyes closed.

Uh, well, like what?

Um..

Is Susan gonna be alright?

I see a stranger

entering her life.

Stranger?

Uh, someone new.

Someone important.

'No! No, no, no,

you can't see that.'

'See, Susan's married.'

Well, I mean, she's separated,

and her husband's in Puerto Rico

but it's only been a few weeks,

and you can't see a stranger.

I'm sorry.

I only see what I see.

It's a definite stranger.

(Tom)

'Susan, are you sure

you won't come down to dinner?'

I don't feel up to it, dad.

Oh, look, I know it seems

like a-a terrible effort

but believe me,

once you get out of bed

and see the beautiful

carrot cake

that Abby bought,

I'll tell you

you'll feel like

a million dollars.

Nope, I'll be fine right here,

dad. Really.

- I wish I could believe that.

- Well, believe what?

Susan, we're all

very concerned about you.

We know what an ordeal you've

been through and we wanna help.

Well, thanks, Abby,

but I'm afraid this is the one

I'll have to work out myself.

Well, maybe you can

work it out faster

if you'd see somebody who..

Well, who knew how to handle

the kind of feelings

that you're having.

'Someone professional.'

Are you saying

I should see a shrink?

A psychologist.

And I can recommend

this Dr. Connor very highly.

She's a lovely woman,

you'll like her very much.

This has nothing to do

with my psychology.

Of course, it does, the reason

that you're physically exhausted

is because you're suffering

from a severe case

of mental and emotional stress

and it's about time

we deal with it!

I could see psychologists,

and none of them would help.

I guess I just can't lie

around here anymore, hiding..

...pretending it'll go away.

Pretending what will go away?

You might as well know.

I'm afraid I'm pregnant.

[instrumental music]

(Abby)

Remember now, there are such

things as false pregnancies.

I had all the same symptoms

that you do.

- But you weren't this sure.

- Yes, I was.

Well, here we go.

Every test in the book.

Oh, hold my hand!

So, what's the official

verdict, Dr. Max?

Do I have to be official?

Can't your old Uncle Max

should tell you

that you're gonna make

a wonderful mother?

- Then I am?

- If anyone ever was.

- I knew it.

- He's right, you know.

You'll make a wonderful mother.

- When, Dr. Max?

- In about days.

Give or take,

a few anxious nights

'but you'll be fine.

Everything is normal.'

'You're quite healthy,

you know.'

Must have an outstanding

family doctor!

Personally, I wouldn't

blame you if you decided

to name a boy Maxwell

or a girl Maxine.

Pay attention, Susan.

Laughing mothers

make laughing babies

and those were the jokes.

Sorry, Dr. Max,

I just don't feel like laughing.

Uh..

Susan...are you considering

under the, uh, circumstances

with your husband,

are you considering

not having this child?

I wouldn't do that. I couldn't.

Then cheer up.

It's not the end of the world.

- It's a new beginning.

- But why now?

I know,

mothers with lousy timing

make babies with lousy timing!

I'm going to give you

your first prescription, Susan.

No resentments.

You will welcome this child

and you'll make the best home

you can, starting right now.

I'll love my baby, Dr. Max.

Really, I will.

[sighs]

(Mary)

'Thanks for calling, Abby.

Uh, have you told dad yet?'

'Yeah, I don't blame you.'

It took me a while

to get up the nerve too.

Yeah, bye-bye.

It's true? Susan is..

About two months is.

You mean,

it wasn't psychosomatic?

Aw, poor Susan.

What do we say to her?

Yeah, really.

"Hey, Susan,

we heard the great news.

You lost a husband,

but you gained a baby."

How could Merle do

a thing like that?

You want

a whole medical lecture?

Uh! You know what I mean.

How could Merle desert a wife

who was pregnant?

- Merle doesn't know.

- He doesn't?

Well, I didn't even suspect

it myself before he left.

You know

how tensed things were

the last few weeks

we weren't together.

When I went off schedule,

I just figured

it was an emotional strain.

When I moved back home

and it happened again

that's when I knew for sure.

I couldn't face it.

Haven't you been

in touch with Merle?

Of course not.

Well, so he has no idea.

No, we hardly even

talked about children.

They were just something

we wanted someday

when we were good and ready.

Pfft! That's a laugh.

But if Merle wanted children

then he should be

real happy to hear this.

Why, he'll just see it as one

more weight

dragging him away

from the major leagues.

How do you know

if you haven't told him?

I know him. I know him better

now than when I married him.

Which was my first mistake!

[sighs]

A baby!

Ah, you mean, all this time

I was lecturing Susan

it was a baby.

That's right.

How could I have been

so wrong?

Relax, Joannie.

None of us guessed it.

[sighs]

I know, but none of you

share your room

in your lives with Susan.

I mean..

I should have been able to

sense something this momentous.

Joannie, come on.

You're not a mind reader.

No, I'm not a..

Andre!

[gasps]

He was right!

He said there would be

someone new in Susan's life.

- That's it!

- Who is Andre?

He's somebody I met at

the station. He's a psychic.

Uh-huh. Come on, Joannie.

You don't believe that

kind of mumbo jumbo, do you?

Well, he did say

that Susan would suffer

a loss, which was Merle, right?

And then he predicted

Susan's baby

before even she knew for sure.

Well, maybe he's a good guesser.

Or maybe we should all

read his book.

[scoffs]

Might be kind of interesting.

Does he make any predictions

about the stock market?

Only that it goes up

and that it goes down!

- You're a cynic.

- Patsy.

Alright, if you don't want

to read Andre's book

how about a little Shakespeare?

"There are more things

in heaven and Earth, Horatio

than are dreamt of

in your philosophy."

- Shakespeare said that?

- He did.

Sounds kind of cliche.

I think I'd rather read Andre.

Yeah, Andre.

I wonder what else he knows

about Susan's future.

Lots of ways of helping people.

- Joannie, you're not.

- I predict she is.

[instrumental music]

Nicholas, make a left.

Yeah, I like this spot.

(Ernie)

We can, uh, we can hang around

that bend over there.

Yeah, this spot will be perfect.

Okay, Nicholas, sit down

and take off your skates.

- But I just got them on.

- Take 'em off.

Okay, but just remember

you only paid me for an hour.

I know, I know, now as soon as

you get 'em all unlaced

just sit there

and look helpless.

Why should I look helpless?

I've been lacing shoes

since I was three.

- The chicks won't know that.

- Exactly!

So just sit there

and look helpless.

Oh, and precious.

Precious?

You guys want your money back?

Careful, Ernie.

You're gonna blow the deal.

'Let's get out of here

before any chicks come.'

[instrumental music]

Don't you think it's time

you tell Merle?

Forget it, dad. I'm not gonna

tell Merle just yet.

Susan, I can't believe that.

I've got a lot of things

to figure out.

I'm not ready for Merle.

But he's the father

of your child!

He doesn't have to know that

right now.

Abby, do you hear

what I'm hearing?

Yes, and I think

we should just listen--

Well, I will, I will.

It's just that

I should think you'd be

very eager to tell Merle

about it.

Why?

Because this changes the whole

complexion of the separation.

- Everything is different now.

- Is it?

Well, yes, I mean, in case

you haven't been listening

to what you came here

to tell me

there's a child

to be considered.

Dad, that's exactly

what I am telling you!

There is a child now

and I'm not gonna risk the

future, happiness of that child.

You're not.

Well, then how come

you're overlooking the fact

that children need fathers?

Children need love.

And Merle and

I didn't have enough of that

to keep us together.

A child might give you

a new reason to find that love.

No, dad.

A child is the wrong reason.

[instrumental music]

- Hi.

- Hi.

Hey, Bradford.

Some chicks finally stopped.

- Where?

- Over there?

Well, come, come on!

Nicholas?

Do people ever call you Nicky?

- Not if I can help it.

- Isn't he a darling?

Would you like to skate with us?

Hello, ladies!

Can we be of any assistance?

Yeah, any assistance?

- Can't you see we're busy?

- Oh, we just want to help.

Can you get lost?

We're talking to this

nice young man.

That's okay. Talk to Tommy.

That's the whole idea.

(female #)

What?

Well, why else will I let you

tie my dumb skate?

You mean, you need to use him

to get girls?

Creeps!

Nicholas, we're gonna

have to make a few improvements!

(Joannie)

'I mean, that's the way

it had to be.'

'Mary has her career.'

Nancy wouldn't want

to complicate her wardrobe.

Elizabeth's too young.

I kinda look at myself

as the, uh, indulgent aunt

who sweeps in from Paris

or Tokyo like an [indistinct].

I mean, there's no doubt about

it, Susan, you're the perfect

an inevitable mother

in this family.

Yeah, but you're expected

to be happy about it.

Well, I am happy about it.

Susan, I...I mean I will be

happy about it.

That's what's complicated

right now.

- I know you'll work it out.

- Starting where and doing what?

Oh, Joannie, I'm so confused

and the advice I get

just makes me more confused.

- Oh, from dad, right?

- From everybody!

- We're just trying to help you.

- I need more than help.

I need a miracle!

Oh, I know.

I know.

Look, frankly, I'm becoming

a little less skeptical.

Oh, I could have predicted that.

Oh, good. Here, take a seat.

Oh, thank you.

Um, but of course,

I'm gonna need something

a little more convincing

if I'm gonna recommend

that you be on

Mr. Charles's talk show.

Oh, well, I can bend

a few spoons I think.

Well, that's nice in visual,

but, uh, I was thinking

of something with

a little more human interest.

I'm-I'm trying to read your mind

but these fluorescent lights

cause a lot of static.

Oh..

I'm thinking about my sister.

- Ah, Susan.

- Yes.

What about her?

Well, uh, you see

I'm very concerned about her

a-and I thought that

since you've picked up

on her problems so quickly..

W-well it would make

an interesting

scientific experiment, if..

If I examined her future.

Yes, now you're reading

my thoughts.

Well, you know,

no one understands static.

It comes, it goes, but S-Susan,

that's an interesting challenge.

Well, I thought as long as you

wanted to do something psychic

and I wanted to help

my sister, Susan..

...then maybe we could

w-work together.

I'll have to get back to you.

W-why?

Is this some kind of a stall?

Oh, no. No, no,

why should I stall?

I mean, you know how much

I want to get my message

across to Sacramento,

on Mr. Charles talk show.

Now, the problem is

I have to check this out.

- Oh, you mean with..

- With..

(Tom)

'You see, you're-you're

both talking like'

'this is only Susan's concern.'

Merle is a fine boy.

He shares in this.

- He should know about it.

- Well, of course he does.

Look, Tom, Susan

is-is very confused

and-and she's frightened and..

Well, I just think that we

should give her a day or two

before, well, before we cause

her anymore pain.

Oh, it might not be pain.

Something like this could

bring them both to their senses.

It could make them see

what marriage is all about.

That it's not just some

casual arrangements

some modern dance where,

where you leave your partner

the first time your toes

get stepped on.

This can't just be what Susan

wants or what Merle wants.

There's a child now!

Don't you think

Susan knows that?

- And this child's also Merle's.

- That's true.

- And it's my first grandchild.

- I know.

If she won't tell him,

I'll have to tell him.

That's blackmail.

Well, Susan, he's worried

about his grandchild.

He thinks that this is the way

to bring you and, and, and Merle

back together,

and give your baby a happy home.

Didn't he hear anything I said?

Merle and I stopped being happy.

We couldn't agree

on anything.

Abby, I'm not gonna raise

my child on some battleground.

I have seen kids

from homes like that

at the daycare center.

They're in shock like refugees.

Believe me, dad wouldn't want

his own grandchild

raised like that.

Well, regardless, he thinks

that Merle should be told

as soon as possible.

No, dad's not gonna push us back

together for the wrong reasons.

I've made up my mind.

My baby's not gonna be

some baseball gypsy.

She'll have a stable home

and all the love

that I can give her.

Oh, yes, Susan, all the love

that you can give her

but what about Merle?

I'm not gonna raise

my child in an unhappy home.

I've decided to get a divorce.

Susan. Susan.

(Tommy)

'Ah, it wasn't

the shrimp's fault'

'we just didn't coach

him enough.'

What's this we stuff?

He's your brother, Bradford.

Just straighten him out.

If he doesn't do what you tell

him, just pound his head.

Ernie, you're obviously ignorant

to the ways of a little brother

and a big father.

I just don't wanna miss out

on any more opportunities.

I think one of those girls

was probably a divorcee.

No, they were too young.

Not the one with the green eyes.

She looked divorced.

- I can tell.

- How?

Well, the way she came on to me.

She didn't come on. She cut out.

It was the way she cut out.

Experienced.

Provocative.

If I'd only had another

ten seconds with her.

You know something, Ernie?

You are weird, man.

You are really weird.

But you are right.

We do have to straighten

Nicholas out and try again.

So, you wait here.

I'll get the kid.

Okay, you guys, here's Mary.

A seance? I mean,

you've gotta be kidding me.

Well, you call yourself

a scientist.

Where's your open mind?

Joannie, I don't want my minds

open, then it just falls out.

She has a point.

See, the words seance

is a bit passe.

It would be more accurate

to describe what people attempt

this evening

as an exploratory analysis

of multi spectrum communication.

Well, call it anything you like

as long as it helps Susan.

Oh, you, you mean, you two

are gonna go along with this?

Well, there's nothing

on the tube, but reruns

so it's either seance

or homework.

If Elizabeth and Nancy can do

it, so can you, right, Mare?

Oh, come on, please.

Andre says that

we need lots of bodies

to-to generate

lots of vibrations.

Yeah, well, I'm really sorry

'Andre and you guys,

but my vibrations'

have a previous commitment.

I'm sorry.

It's too bad.

It's going to leave us

with a pretty weak signal.

Is there anyone else available?

Well, there's Susan,

we could ask her.

That's who we're trying to help.

- Forget Susan.

- 'Why?'

Well, dad had to see her

for some reason.

He looked real grim,

and he locked the door.

- Really?

- Yeah.

So, what do you say,

we get started.

She can use all the help

she can get.

Yes, dad, a divorce.

(Tom)

'Oh, you can't be serious.'

I called Janet, she's coming

over here tonight with David.

I'm gonna ask her

to be my lawyer.

Wait a minute. Susan, please.

Now just slow down.

You haven't even told Merle

that he's going to have a baby.

When he hears that,

everything might change.

But, dad, you know Merle.

His ideas on marriage are right

out of the last century.

When I do tell him,

he'll just order me

to be a dutiful wife

and a housebound mother.

I don't even wanna argue it

with him.

He'll just have to know

right off that it can't happen.

Susan, you don't understand.

A man feels very differently

about a woman

that's going to have his child.

Merle might change.

Dad, it doesn't work like that.

Babies don't change

a bad relationship.

They just add more strain.

No, it's better to face

the inevitable right now.

Susan..

...I-I walked with you

down the wedding aisle.

I-I saw the way

you looked at Merle

and the way he looked at you.

Now, come on, I can't believe

that that love between you two

could vanish so fast.

But you're the one

who told me I was wrong

to rush into marriage.

I didn't listen to you then,

but I agree with you now.

But you did get married

and now you having a child.

You can't change that.

So don't rush out of it.

Back off from what you want.

Think about Merle.

Tell him about his child.

It's no use, dad.

- Then I'll tell him.

- No.

Not till I talk to Janet.

Not till I'm ready.

I think I have to tell him.

Don't. Dad, I'll tell him.

And if you or anybody else

in this family

interferes in this,

I'll use blackmail too.

Blackmail?

I'll go away. You'll never see

your grandchild...ever.

Okay, Nicholas,

we'll rehearse it once more.

Now stand there

and pretend I'm a girl.

If you were a girl,

I wouldn't stand, I'd run.

Nicholas, just do what he says.

If you blow it again,

we don't pay you.

Alright, I'm standing.

Now, when I walk up and start

telling you you're cute

you just smile.

Keep your mouth shut.

Would you tell him

to make up his mind?

How can chicks say

this kid is precious?

Tommy, Nicholas, Susan wants

to see you in her room.

Susan, why?

Just talk to her.

Is there anything wrong?

You look pale.

You heard me.

Concentrate.

We're pushing

beyond the barrier.

Focus.

'Now, focus.'

[no audio]

'I see a strong light.'

'It's coming nearer.'

'Don't be disturbed

if you feel a sudden chill.'

Don't worry if the table

begins to shake.

Or if you hear a sudden noise.

[knock on door]

[all screaming]

What was that?

It's us, why is the door locked?

Tommy, come on in, quick.

- What is going on?

- Shh, it's a seance.

No, it-it's not a seance.

Well, it's kind of a seance.

W-well, we're doing it

for Susan.

Somebody better do something

for Susan.

She just laid this whole

guilt trip on us

about not telling Merle

about her condition.

Us too.

I keep asking everybody.

What condition?

Are these constant interruptions

necessary?

I am trying to find guidance

for your sister.

I know, Andre.

We'll get right back to it.

Um, we can really use

some help, you guys.

Could you sit down and join us?

Come on, it'll be great,

come on. Move over.

Okay, Nicholas, sit here.

Where's the cards and chips?

Nicholas, this isn't poker.

Oh, didn't you hear, sport?

We're having a seance.

I've never played seance.

What do you do?

Well, if we were smart,

we'd get up and go play poker.

No, you'd shut up

and hold hands.

Hold hands.

What a great gimmick, Bradford.

If we ever meet any girls,

we gotta try this.

(Joannie)

'Shh.'

Please be quiet

and listen to Andre.

Everyone..

...close your eyes.

Be absolutely quiet.

And concentrate.

Concentrate.

'Concentrate.'

Of course, Susan,

if that's the way you want it.

Alright, now, are you satisfied?

Everybody has agreed

there will be no family

meddling between you and Merle.

We're all going to stay neutral.

Well, I'm sorry, dad

but you left me no choice.

Oh, Susan, believe me,

you haven't even begun

to count your choices.

- Hello, everybody.

- I'll be right with you, Janet.

Janet, come on, and see if you

can talk some sense

into her because I can't.

Oh, I hate to be rude, dad,

but I'd really like to talk

to my attorney alone.

Come on, Janet.

Alright, and I'm going to stay

neutral. Now, don't forget.

Janet, didn't David come

with you?

Oh, yes, dad,

he's down in the living room

helping Joannie with something.

Excuse me.

David.

Boy, oh, boy.

I mean, do I deserve this?

In an upstairs bedroom,

I have a pregnant daughter here

discussing divorce,

and downstairs

in my living room,

the rest of my children

'are conducting a seance.'

Maybe it's to test

your sense of humor.

Well, then I just flunked.

They didn't give

their marriage a chance.

'What do they expect?'

'A few minutes

of romantic fever'

earns them happiness forever?

Nobody has to change.

Everybody gets exactly

what they want?

You don't sound very neutral.

Wasn't she watching?

Didn't she see how fragile

any marriage can be?

Oh.

Abby..

...how could I'd turn to you now

if we hadn't had to survive

all those fights

and compromises?

You mean your fights

and my compromises.

And your teasing.

I couldn't face

all these right now

if you weren't right here

to tease me.

That's one of the sweetest

things you've ever said to me.

- It is?

- It is.

I was talking about Susan.

Oh, yes, Susan.

She's barely years old.

And we each had a chance to

learn something about marriage.

And about being alone.

And about being alone.

I'm glad I found you.

I'm glad I found you.

And that we can disagree

and come back

from more disagreement.

Yeah.

It ought to be somewhere

you can pass

that on to your children.

They should invent their ways

so that Susan's baby

doesn't make the same mistakes.

Don't worry,

you're gonna get a sh*t

at your grandchild's education.

You think so?

I think so.

Susan's being so hard.

So tough.

Because she's so scared.

Okay, Susan, I've said

all I'm gonna say to you

as your sister-in-law.

Now I speak to you

as your attorney.

Don't even think about divorce.

And what kind of attorney

says that?

A good attorney is supposed to

urge both parties to consider

every possibility

for conciliation.

Oh, I see.

Just like a sister-in-law.

Susan...I don't think

you really wanna do this.

Do you know how painful

divorce can be?

When you have to face pain,

the best way

is to get it over with it

as fast as you can.

Now what do you recommend

for making sure

Merle provided child support?

I don't think there will be

any problem.

Merle would wanna take care of

you in every way that he can.

I can remember hearing Merle

talk about that.

He did? When?

Few months ago.

In your backyard.

I was standing next to David

and, uh, you were

right over there

and Merle was right over there.

And up there was the minister.

And I heard him say

it very distinctly.

"I, Merle Stockwell,

take Susan Bradford

to love and to cherish"

from this day forward,

till death do us part."

Stop, Janet, just stop.

Please.

[instrumental music]

Veil is lifting.

I feel a presence approaching.

Concentrate, everyone.

There!

- Now I see our guide!

- Where?

[Joannie whispering]

Shh, Nicholas,

it's an invisible spirit.

- You mean a ghost?

- According to Andre.

You didn't tell me

this was going to be spooky.

(Andre)

'Concentrate, everyone!'

The entity is about to enter

our vibrational field.

'Help me, everyone!

Send your energies!'

'He's approaching'

'I can see him clearly!'

[screams]

- 'So do I.'

- You're kidding.

- No, I was him!

- No, it's your imagination.

Looking through the window.

There it is. It's Merle.

(Joannie)

'Andre!'

- Merle. Hey, come on in.

- Hey, Tommy.

- What're you doing here?

- Hey, good to see you.

Let me have your bag, here.

- Go on in.

- Thank you.

Did I hear somebody scream?

Merle?

[indistinct]

(Merle)

'Hey, everybody.'

Hey, I'm real sorry,

I didn't mean to scare anybody.

But why did you peak

through the window like that?

I just wanted to see

if I could find Susan alone.

[chuckles]

Sounds I should have

known better.

Well, Merle,

who called in Puerto Rico

and who told you to come home?

That's what I'd like to know.

Merle, what are you doing here?

Susan, I got to talk to you.

Yeah, and I've got

to talk to you too.

(Merle)

'What are we talking about?'

Well, I didn't want it to be

like this, but since it is

let's talk, in here.

Well, why not?

Whoever you are, I want you to

know that I think it's pretty

sneaky promising me not to tell

Merle when you already had.

- Hey!

- Wow!

What is going on?

Whoever told Merle,

I'm glad you did.

Yeah, whoever it was,

you might as well confess

so we can give you

a round of applause.

Yeah, come on.

Fess up, Nicholas.

Wait a minute, I promised Susan

I wouldn't tell Merle

and how could I find Puerto Rico

in the first place?

It's not in the yellow

or the white pages.

I bet, it wasn't a Bradford.

How can it not be a Bradford?

(Joannie)

'I bet it was Andre.'

- Andre?

- By telepathy.

I'd like to take credit for it

but I can't.

Well, then who told Merle?

Told me what?

Come on, Merle. You know

the reason you came back.

[chuckles]

I came back

because I couldn't stand

being away from you another day.

Now, don't lie to me, Merle!

- Lie about what?

- Now stop playing games.

You know we're gonna have

a baby.

A-a baby?

[chuckles]

Us?

T-that's the best news

I ever heard!

W-we're having a baby.

They're having a baby!

They're having a baby!

That's right, Nicholas.

That's means

I'm gonna be an uncle.

Alright!

Just hold on, Nicholas!

Merle looked too happy.

I have a feeling that she

didn't tell him everything.

What's everything?

Divorce, Nicholas.

[chuckles]

Th-the..

That's the craziest thing

I ever heard of!

We end our marriage now

when we're having a baby?

That's right.

Before it gets too complicated.

Think about it, Merle, what

do you want for your baby?

A home where its mother

and father are always fighting?

We're not always fighting!

We just fought too much!

But we can change that!

And who gets hurt if we don't?

The baby.

I just wish I had a curve ball

I could twist like your ideas!

Well, at least I have ideas.

And I don't?

Alright, now I'm

thinking about my baby.

- It is mine too, you know.

- Yes, it is.

So take responsibility for it!

Now think, Merle, do you

want your child around

this fighting every day?

Do you? Do you want that?

Wha..

Dad, Andre would like

to continue the seance.

'Are you sure

you won't join us?'

No, I'm not sure,

I'm positive.

Well, David, does that mean

you're finking out on us too?

Oh, sorry, my horoscope says

it's a bad day for seances.

[chuckles]

[scoffs]

Well, perhaps,

I should join them.

I mean, I bombed out

as Susan's legal advisor.

Maybe it's time for

desperate measure.

Not that desperate.

Well, at least Merle's here.

Now, they'll get everything

out in the open

and they'll fight it out.

- And they'll fight, believe me.

- It's what you said you wanted.

Uh, maybe what I wanted,

but it's also a way

they can lose it all.

[sighs]

I don't know

if I should tell you this.

Tell us what?

I want you to prepare yourself

for some negative vibrations.

Hm, why not,

I'm already negative enough.

This has all been

pretty boring.

Maybe we can switch to checkers.

Or dominos!

How about post office?

Will you all be quiet, please?

What's the problem, Andre?

I'm getting definite

impressions from the cosmos!

Impressions of what?

Conflict, obstacles

failure!

You mean, Susan and Merle

might not get back together?

I, I can predict only

what I must predict.

They will go their

separate ways!

[dramatic music]

Listen to me.

I have been on three different

airplanes in the last hours.

I've practically went

AWOL to get here

and I did it because I was ready

to make us a new life.

Okay, so there's a baby now.

That just means

I'm twice as ready.

I'm not just talking, Susan.

Well, here,

I'll read you my list.

What list?

Changes I'm gonna make.

- You actually made a list?

- In Puerto Rico.

Number one, if you come back,

I promise I'll never ask you

to follow me on my

baseball jobs again.

Let me see that.

Here it is.

So you mean,

if we stayed married

I could stay in Sacramento

and finish my education?

Well, yeah, and after

you finish college

you can live here too.

And when it's off season,

I'll come join you.

Of course, if I pitch in

the World Series someday

I'd like you to be there

watching me from the stands.

Well, if I came back, I think

that might be arranged.

Not might!

You'd have to be there.

This won't work

if we both don't bend.

Well, I'd want to be there

if you'll let me work.

There goes my list.

H-how can you work

with a baby?

When the baby is old enough,

I wanna work, Merle!

'Now, if you really cared

about me, you'd let me do it.'

After all, I know the best

daycare center in Sacramento.

And I've got four sisters

who are very experienced

babysitters.

Hm.

Well...if you work..

...I can have my team friends

over any Friday night I want.

Oh, does that mean Bingo Biglow

and his wad of tobacco?

It could include

any friend I want.

Well, fair's fair,

but Bingo Biglow..

And I can even barbeque

them steaks.

- Steaks!

- Which you don't have to eat!

Merle, you might as

well know right now

I'm planning to raise

the child as a vegetarian.

I think he should decide

that for himself.

- Herself.

- Whatever.

Didn't you always say

every person should decide

their own lives?

Yeah, I guess I should

listen to myself.

Well, okay then, it'll be

our baby's decision.

Our baby's?

Do you realize

what you just did?

I said our baby's.

That's right!

You said ours.

But we've just been fighting,

and you didn't get your way

percent

and I didn't get mine.

The sky didn't fall

on top of us.

You know, actually,

the deal's pretty good.

Yeah, actually, you know..

...the deal's beautiful!

Susan, I think we just

proved something.

What?

I'm not the same guy who left

and you're not the same girl

who stayed home.

I think it could work.

I think we could make

our baby a real happy home.

Real happy.

No argument there.

Oh, Merle..

Now kiss me.

- Mm, God I've missed you.

- Oh! Me too.

[instrumental music]

- Everybody, come quick!

- What is it?

Well, you're needed

in the living room!

No, Nicholas,

I will have nothing to do

with those goings-on.

It's not the seance!

It's Susan! She's crying!

And we know we love

each other enough.

Of course, you'll all be at

the christening of Merle Junior.

No! Susan, the Second!

- How about twins?

- 'Alright.'

[indistinct chattering]

Yeah!

Nicolas, you scared me.

Those are happy tears.

Are yours happy too?

Yes, Nicholas. Very happy.

[instrumental music]

I'm sorry, your dire predictions

were so wrong for you.

- But I'm happy for us!

- Yeah.

I guess I really blew it.

Well, maybe

I'm just fooling myself.

- Maybe this isn't my field!

- Maybe.

Do you think I could get

on the show if I knocked out

a book about love?

I mean, I could believe in love!

[laughs]

People do, Andre.

People do.

[indistinct chattering]

[indistinct]

[instrumental music]

Alright! T-thank you, coach!

- I've got it, honey!

- Oh, sweetheart!

- That's wonderful!

- Oh!

Yippee! What's so wonderful?

Merle got two weeks off

for our reunion honeymoon!

Oh, that's great.

Where are you going?

- Right here!

- Exotic Sacramento?

Yep! That's where everybody from

Puerto Rico goes for romance!

And we're moving back into

our old apartment today!

So let's go,

you old Arkansas mule!

Oh! Careful, honey, these days

you are name calling for two!

- Oh, excuse us.

- Excuse you for sure.

She actually came to the house?

Yep, and she's waiting

in the screened porch.

I don't know how you do it.

Well, just like you

and Ernie taught me.

I stood there and looked

a little precious

'and then this beautiful

older chick walked up'

and started talking,

so I invited her home.

Wow! Door-to-door delivery.

Sure makes up for all

the times that you blew it.

Now, come on,

introduce us.

Right! Wait here.

[dramatic music]

Ginger, I'd like you

to meet my brother, Tommy.

Ginger..

[instrumental music]

[theme music]