[instrumental music]
How is your homework
coming, Nicholas?
Oh, I'm not doin' homework.
I'm writin'
a letter to Louise.
But it's not
a love letter or nothin'.
Oh, but I thought that you
and Louise were, uh, you know--
Yeah, well,
we're just friends now.
Oh. Well, you're probably
better off.
I mean, these long-distance
relationships can be very tough.
Yeah, that's what she said.
She said that? My goodness!
She must be very sophisticated.
Sophisticated?
Uh, yes.
That m-means, uh
grown-up. Very grown-up.
Oh.
You know, I thought
we can work things out
but she says
we should see other people.
Oh, that is tough.
'Did she give you a reason?'
I think it's because
of her new boyfriend.
Well, then why are you
writing her a letter?
To tell her
about my new girlfriend.
I didn't know
you had a new girlfriend.
- I don't.
- Oh.
Oh, I see.
But you want her
to think that you do.
- Right?
- Right.
That's what's
so sophisticated about me.
[theme music]
♪ There's a magic
in the early morning ♪
♪ We've found ♪
♪ When the sunrise smiles ♪
♪ On everything around ♪
♪ It's a portrait
of the happiness ♪
♪ That we feel ♪
♪ And always will ♪
♪ For eight is enough ♪
♪ To fill our lives ♪
♪ With love ♪
♪ Oh we spend our days ♪
♪ Like bright and shiny ♪
♪ New dimes ♪
♪ If we're ever puzzled ♪
♪ By the changing times ♪
♪ There's a plate
of homemade wishes ♪
♪ On the kitchen windowsill ♪
♪ And eight is enough ♪
♪ To fill our lives ♪
♪ With love ♪♪
(Elizabeth)
'Wrong. This is Wednesday.'
'I dry. You wash.'
No, I don't. On Wednesday's,
you wash, I dry.
And this is where
I go to the library.
I suggest you two
check the schedule.
- Good idea.
- Okay. I'll show you.
I'm right.
- You are not.
- Alright, look!
Wednesday, "Joannie cooks.
Tommy sets, Elizabeth clears
and Nancy dries."
Oh, wait a minute,
you said Elizabeth clears.
If I clear, well,
then who washes?
(both)
Mary!
(Abby)
'Joannie, you've only been
with this station a short time.'
You should have
a little patience.
But I know I'm ready!
It's just a matter
of convincing Mr. Trout.
Sh-sh-sh!
But Mr. Trout has been
with the station a long time.
He may be right.
You may not
be experienced enough.
Yeah. Abby has a good point.
Mr. Trout's been
in the business a long time.
Oh, dad, it's not
like I'm asking him
to anchor
the o'clock news, you know.
I'd just like
to produce and direct
a little feature report
for his talk show.
Hey, do you mind?
I didn't know
your station had a talk show.
Yeah, it's a, a forum
for local issues, you know.
Profiles of
interesting personalities.
Mm. Sounds like a good show.
How come I've never seen it?
Follows the sunrise
farm report.
Which is exactly the point!
Nobody watches
at that time anyway.
Argh!
It sounds like
what you've gotta do
is come up with an idea
that he can't resist.
Yeah, that's good advice.
Preferably something
you know about.
Any suggestions?
Yeah, make sure it's not
about keeping your voice down.
Thanks.
Do you realize
Mary spent every night
at the library
for the past two weeks?
- I know it.
- Yeah.
Well, I mean,
she never goes out anymore.
When was the last time
you saw her with a guy?
Hm. I know she had
a date for her senior prom.
It isn't funny, Elizabeth.
I really
feel sorry for her.
Okay, so do I,
but it's her own choice.
School is where
her head's at.
Yeah, well,
it's not very healthy.
I mean, everybody needs
a social life of some kind.
Hm.
I say we fix her up.
Oh, she'll never go for it.
Well, we fix her up first,
then we tell her about it later.
[chuckles]
She'll still never go for it.
Timing, Elizabeth.
It's all in the timing.
With Mary, you have to pick
the most vulnerable time
of the day.
The time when she'll say yes
to anything.
- This is really cruel.
- It's the only way.
Mare? We gotta
ask you somethin'.
Can't it wait?
Oh, it'll only
take a second.
Do you want Steve to pick you up
at : or ?
Mm, I don't know. Um..
... o'clock, I guess.
Good.
Steve?
Steve Aldenheimer.
I don't know
any Steve Aldenheimer.
- Uh, better make it :.
- Right.
More time to get
to know each other.
What's going on?
You are on a date.
- What?
- Just listen, okay?
He's gorgeous,
smart and sensitive.
Almost brooding.
And you know
how you love brooding.
Plus, he knows
a lot about medicine.
Oh, he's a doctor?
Well, no,
but he's been sick a lot.
Elizabeth, I do not
go out with guys I don't know.
So just forget it.
- Just..
- Forget it.
No, I won't forget it.
Mary needs a social life.
But she'll never go
along with it.
Of course, she won't.
That's why we're not
gonna tell her.
Once he shows up,
she'll be trapped.
- I don't know.
- Just trust me.
- Joannie. Hi.
- Oh, dad.
Getting ready
for the big pitch?
Yes, I've got three
good subjects to show him.
I hope he likes one of them.
- I'll keep my fingers crossed.
- Thanks.
Hi there. I'm Jim Fencer.
Guaca Dew.
Hi. Tom Bradford.
Guaca Dew to you.
Uh, no, no, you see
I'm delivering Guaca Dew
skin care products.
Oh, oh! For a minute
I thought that you..
- We don't need any.
- Oh, why?
No, we have
very good skin around here.
Soft and creamy.
Thank you. Sorry.
You ordered jars
of under eye concentrate.
Under eye concentrate?
Oh, it's remarkably effective.
I use it myself.
Huh. Made from avocado pits.
Yeah, well,
it sounds very nice, but--
Uh, uh, uh, scrunch up.
- I beg your pardon?
- Scrunch up like this.
Oh! Huh?
See? No lines.
Before I started
using Guaca Dew
I looked like the underside
of a steel belted radial.
Well, there is quite
an improvement, but--
It's here! The Guaca Dew!
It's here!
Nicholas, so you're the one
that ordered this.
I'm gonna be rich, dad!
Well, I guess
that clears up the mystery.
[laughing]
Right, Tom?
Don't worry, dad!
We don't have to lay out
a nickel for two weeks!
All I gotta do is sell
one case of this stuff
and the rest is mine!
I don't know, Nicholas.
It'll be a great
learning experience.
Yeah, probably for me.
Okay, you win.
But remember, if it doesn't
sell, you're on your own.
Not one penny from me.
(Joannie)
'Why don't you just admit it?'
'It's not the stories
you don't like.'
It's the idea
of my doing the stories.
Joannie, you're trying
my patience.
- Well?
- I've heard your ideas.
They weren't bad.
They weren't great either,
they were just okay.
But even if you did come up
with something earth shattering
I'd probably wouldn't let you do
it anyway because you're just..
(both)
Not ready!
When will I be?
[sighing]
I can't answer that.
You've only been
in this business a short time.
- Everybody has to pay his dues.
- Why?
Because that's how you learn.
Look, you're doing
a terrific job
and you're going
to get your chance.
But not now!
[sighs]
[doorbell rings]
Hi, I'm Steve Aldenheimer.
[coughs]
Is Mary home?
Yeah, sure, come on in.
Thanks.
[coughing]
Boy, sounds like you
got yourself bit of a cold.
[laughing]
Well, it's not really a cold.
I've diagnosed it
as bronchiectasis.
Bro-bronchi, what?
Oh, it's an abnormal dilation
of the bronchial tubes
in which, uh, mucoid secretions
collect causing inflammatory
changes in the bronchial walls.
- I'll go get Mary.
- Yeah.
[coughs]
But I don't think
he's right, dad.
I don't think everybody needs
to spend years
paying their dues.
Oh, I couldn't agree
with you more
but did he really say that,
that it would take years?
No.
But it doesn't matter
if it's tomorrow
or if it's ten years
from tomorrow.
The point is,
I can do it now!
Alright then, you do it!
But how?
Joannie, I was in a similar
position as you many years ago.
I was the copy boy.
I was dying to be a reporter.
What did you do?
Well, I went out
and dug up my own story.
I researched it,
wrote it, turned it in.
'And eventually,
it got me my own b*at.'
Oh, that's great!
I don't know.
Television's so different.
I mean, you didn't have to worry
about getting
your story on film.
I don't know
a thing about photography.
Well, then you find
someone who does.
The point is,
there's always a way
if you want something
badly enough.
Oh, gee, look at the time.
I better get going
if I'm gonna go to that movie.
[sighs]
I'm sure
she'll be down any second.
Yeah. Yeah.
Mary?
You're right, dad.
Nothing ventured,
nothing gained.
Exactly. Just use
your imagination
and put
your perseverance to work.
- Hi, dad.
- Oh.
- Come here.
- What?
Mary, I want you to meet
Steve Aldeheimer.
Oh, hi, Steve.
How you doing?
Oh, well, to tell you the truth,
Mary, not too well.
Uh, you'll have
to excuse me.
I have a very important
neurology class to go to.
- Bye-bye.
- Mary!
- Mary? Oh.
- Bye, Nancy.
[laughing]
I'm tellin' you,
I've had it all!
Rhinitis. Sinusitis.
Tonsillitis. Adenoiditis.
- Pharyngitis and--
- Never laryngitis, huh?
[laugh]
No. I missed that one.
- Hm.
- Too bad.
But I do have a migraine.
I think it's the air in here.
Air can be very debilitating,
you know?
Steve, don't you think
you might be better off in bed?
Uh, you know, I mean,
with the migraine and all.
That's okay.
I've learned
to live with pain.
You know, it's probably not
what's been goin' around anyway.
[laughs]
What's been going around?
Uh, oh, I wouldn't worry
about it..
'...really.'
Uh, tell me anyway.
Lock jaw.
'The symptoms
usually include a headache.'
'That's why I mentioned it.'
Well, uh, um, I did
cut myself shaving yesterday.
Oh, really?
How old was the blade?
Well, almost..
Gee, I don't know.
Steve, it's probably nothing.
Yeah, but what if it's not?
[nervous laughter]
Maybe I should be in bed.
Maybe so. You know, it's better
to be safe than sorry.
Uh, yeah, but I'm sure
by morning you'll be just fine.
[laughs]
Thanks for your concern,
Elizabeth, but, uh..
...I'm never fine.
[chuckling]
Boy, they don't make movies
like that anymore.
Sure and for good reason.
It was the worst movie
I've ever seen!
Oh, you said that last week.
It was last week.
I'm older now.
Much wiser
in these matters now.
Hey, you guys, isn't that Mary
right over there?
(Tom)
'Oh, yeah.'
'But I thought
she had class tonight.'
(David)
'Hmm. Some class.'
I wonder who he is.
Well, it sure looks
like Pete Berkus.
- You know him?
- Well, yeah.
I think he's a doctor.
'He brings his kids
to the day care centre.'
- Kids?
- You mean he's married?
Well, I thought so.
Oh, I'm sure
there's some explanation.
Yeah, he's probably divorced.
I hope.
[instrumental music]
Morning, Nicholas.
You ready for some breakfast?
No, I'm just gonna have
some coffee. I'm running late.
Oh, well.
I guess your schedule
is pretty hectic
what with the, uh, Guaca Dew
business on top of school?
- Yeah.
- Mm-hm.
- It's tough.
- Cream?
- Yeah, thanks.
- Mm-hmm.
What? Business is not
so good or what?
It stinks.
Nobody, but the family
wants to buy.
And they only do it
'cause they have to.
Well, maybe it's your approach.
What do you say
when you ring the doorbell?
I don't know,
something like
"Hi, I'm Nicholas Bradford
and I'm selling Guaca Dew."
And then when they ask me
what it does, I say
"It gets rid of
all your ugly wrinkles."
- Are you okay?
- Hmm.
Um..
Nicholas, I think
I've discovered
what your problem is.
What you need is a little tact.
Oh, they didn't give me
any of that, just the cream.
(Abby)
'Yeah, well, uh,
n-no, see Nicholas'
'what you gotta do is,
is tell the customer'
what she wants to hear.
Pay them compliments.
It's very hard
for a woman to say no
when-when she's just been told
that how pretty her dress is
'or how nice her hair looks.'
- Really?
- Yeah.
Oh, yes, and there's, there's
one other thing you can try.
You-you can ask them
if their mother's home.
Why?
Because it makes
them feel young.
Oh, gee, thanks, Abby.
Sure, anytime.
Aren't you gonna
finish your coffee?
Uh, no, it was, uh..
...it was a little weak
this morning.
Right. I-I-I think
it's weak myself. Hm.
- Mary?
- Come in, dad.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Uh, Abby and I
went to a movie last night.
Was it good?
Oh...well, I don't know
there was some
disagreement about that--
Oh, okay.
Concerned father's voice,
I'd recognize it anywhere.
What's the matter?
Well, look, I don't
wanna interfere.
- You're an adult now--
- Dad. Give.
Well, it-it's just that you said
that you had a class last night.
I did.
But I saw you with your date.
My what?
Look, it-it's your life
and I want you
to live it the way
you see it fit
but I feel that
I should warn you
of the dangers of seeing
a divorced man with kids.
Oh, you-you mean Pete?
Susan must have recognized him.
Dad, Pete's not divorced,
he's married.
- Married?
- Yes. And it wasn't a date.
Well, not in that sense
of the word.
Oh!
Well, then,
in what sense was it? I..
Alright, look.
Pete is a resident
of the hospital, okay?
Now, we happen
to be friends. Good friends.
My class let out early
and he was leaving
so we grabbed
a cup of coffee together.
Yeah, but I mean,
you seemed to touch a lot and..
Come on, this is ridiculous.
Look,
Pete is a demonstrative guy.
He's not afraid to show
his emotions to a friend.
I respect him for that.
Matter of fact,
that's one of the reasons
I like him so much.
But that's all.
I just like him.
- You feel better?
- I feel foolish.
For not having enough confidence
in you to trust your judgement.
So trust.
I'm a very bright girl.
And a very late one.
Gotta run. Bye.
[sighs]
Oh, dad!
Dad, guess what?
I'm doing a story,
on my own that is.
Oh, that's wonderful, Joannie.
What's the subject matter?
You. Oh!
- No, not now, Marty.
- Not now, Marty.
- Who is Marty?
- 'Marty's my camera man.'
Uh, he works in the mailroom,
but he wants to be a cameraman.
Oh, yes. But what's this
all about? And why me?
Well, I'm just
taking your advice, dad.
You said to pick
an interesting subject
that I know about
and do the story myself.
You are perfect.
Oh, well, that's
very flattering, but..
Yeah, see I thought
I would call it
"Tom Bradford,
A Man And His Family."
- What do you think?
- Hm. Does have a nice ring.
Yeah, see I thought
I'd sh**t it all here, you know
in the house, cinema verite.
You know a real live recording
of how a famous columnist deals
with the everyday problems
of career and family.
Yeah, but-but there's the rest
of the family to consider.
I mean, they have
their rights to privacy too.
I mean, what with
cameras popping up
when they least expect it.
Oh, dad,
don't turn me down now, please.
It's my chance
to prove myself to Mr. Trout.
'And I'll fill the rest of the
family in on it. I promise.'
Well, alright, but just
don't let it get out of hand.
It won't, and I wont
embarrass anybody.
I'll be very judicious
about when I tell Marty
to roll camera.
Not now, Marty.
Make him stop.
I'll have some of that, please.
Uh-uh-uh. Big mistake.
Why? What's the matter with it?
The meat surprise
with the all-purpose gravy
is never good on Thursdays.
When you've been in this
business as long as I have
you get to know things
like that.
Nothing. Thank you.
- To good friends.
- To good friends.
I feel like I'm doing
a beer commercial.
Um, wish I had a beer.
Unfortunately, I've got two
tonsillectomies this afternoon.
You really love it,
don't you?
Keeps me off the street.
Oh, by the way,
thanks for helping me
with my neurology class.
You know, most residents
won't give medical students
the time of day.
Not unless they have to.
I'm really glad
you're different.
I guess I just
remember how tough
it was for me
to get through.
Oh, also thank you for the cup
of coffee last night.
I had a good time.
You won't believe this.
I'm embarrassed to say this.
My father saw us and, uh
he thinks
we're having a thing.
You're kidding.
My, uh, father does
tend to overreact a little.
Come on, Joannie,
you know how hard
it is to concentrate
when you write.
Don't worry, dad.
Marty and I will
be so quiet, I promise.
Oh, not now, please.
It's important that I get
this column out today.
Well, good, that means
it's the perfect time
to show you in action, right?
Oh, you won't even
know we're here, really.
- Oh. Well..
- Oh, good!
And you needn't worry about
the rest of the family either.
I've filled them all in
about Marty.
[screaming]
Oh. Except Nancy.
Get out of here.
Oh!
(Joannie)
'Oh! This will be great!
This will be great.'
You're gonna love it, Marty.
My family will
be right down here, both sides.
Dad will be here.
Make it just wide enough.
- Okay, where do you want me?
- Um, right. Right, right.
Over Abby's left shoulder.
That's good, yeah.
And when she turns over there,
you'll see a little--
I hope this works better than
it did with your dad earlier.
Oh, it's gonna be great.
My family's real animated
at the dinner table.
Yeah, you said your dad
was animated
at the typewriter too.
All he did was sit there
and stare at a blank page.
Well, maybe he doesn't work
so well with people
lookin' over his shoulder,
you know.
Yeah, I'll say.
I thought he was in a coma.
Well, at least,
we got something on film.
I mean, he eventually
started working.
The quick brown fox
jumped over the lazy dog
is not exactly my idea
of breakthrough journalism.
Well, it doesn't
really matter, Marty.
We're not gonna
show the paper anyway.
Well, sport,
how goes the Guaca Crud?
It's Guaca Dew
and it's goin' great.
Well, if you ask me, I think
the whole thing's a big rip-off.
Yeah, well, if you ask me,
I think you ought to try it.
Why? I don't have
any lines under my eyes.
Who's talkin' about lines?
I'm talkin' about craters!
[muttering]
Mary. What are you
still doing here?
Oh, hey.
I'm.. I was just leaving.
Just brushing up on my
endocrine glands in the library.
[chuckling]
You spend much
more time in that place
they're gonna dedicate
a chair to you.
Yeah, well, I have old man
Stead Wells' class tomorrow
and he takes
his glands very seriously.
What are you doing back here?
I'm just checking
up on a patient.
She had
a pretty rough day today.
- Is it serious?
- No, I don't think so.
But it helps me sleep better.
You wanna tag along?
- Do you mean it?
- Sure.
Just don't bring
your books, okay?
Kind of makes
the patients nervous.
'Well, everything looks fine.'
'How does my favorite patient
feel tonight?'
Oh, not so good, doctor.
That doesn't surprise me.
It says here that you hardly
touched your dinner.
- I know.
- You gotta eat, Mrs. Perry.
Yeah, but the food
here is terrible.
Sounds like they're serving
the meat surprise again.
Oh, I don't know what it was.
I just can't eat
that food, doctor.
[sighs]
Well, I can't say
as I blame you.
But you gotta keep
your strength up, Mrs. Perry.
[sighing]
'Guess there's only
one solution.'
Huh? What?
Arnie's Deli up the street.
How do you feel
about their chicken soup?
With noodles?
But if you say one word
about this, young lady..
Scout's honor, Dr. Berkus.
Be back in minutes.
I'll wait.
[whirring]
Oh, will somebody
say something?
- Oh.
- Anything?
Would you please
pass the salt, Elizabeth?
Sure, dad.
- Thank you, Elizabeth.
- 'You're welcome, dad.'
No, dad, Elizabeth's..
Uh, keep rolling, Marty.
Don't look in the camera, okay?
And, dad, loosen up
a little bit.
Would you please pass
the salt, Elizabeth?
Sure, dad.
- Thank you, Elizabeth.
- 'You're welcome, dad.'
Oh, this is ridiculous. Cut!
Come on, this is not working.
[indistinct chatter]
You were terrific in there.
I think Mrs. Perry
is secretly in love with you.
- You do, do you?
- Hm.
You make it look so easy.
Dealing with patients, I mean.
Something you certainly
don't learn in books.
You are observant, Ms. Bradford.
Would you care to know
my secret?
Sure.
- It's gonna cost you.
- How much?
For the price of
one cup of coffee.
[chuckles]
It's a deal.
Good. My car
is right over here.
Thanks for letting me
go with you tonight.
It was really special,
I mean that.
You're welcome.
You're a special person.
It's really funny,
my father being concerned
about you and me.
Why is it so hard
for people to believe
that platonic relationships
can exist between men and women.
I don't know.
Society's just
conditioned that way I suppose.
I suppose.
But I'm glad
you're my friend. Very glad.
Me too.
This is your car, right?
Oh, yeah.
Nicholas, I don't mind
helping you out
but isn't this a little far?
It'll be worth it,
you'll see.
This is where
all the riches live.
They got money
for things like wrinkles.
Go get 'em, k*ller.
[doorbell rings]
Hi, I'm Nicholas Bradford.
That's a very pretty..
Say, your hair is very..
Well, get on with it, young man.
What can I do for you?
Is your mother home?
Mom.
[instrumental music]
Yes. Oh, hold on a minute.
Hi, Susan.
Hi, dad. Is Joannie around?
She wants to use me
in her documentary.
You're in luck.
She's in the kitchen.
May I ask who's calling?
Oh, yeah, hold on.
Mary, telephone for you.
It's Pete.
- Hi, Mr. Bradford.
- Not now, Marty, please.
Hello.
Sure. Half an hour.
Okay. Bye-bye.
Dr. Berkus' first name
is Pete, right?
Yeah. So?
So what's he doing
calling on a Saturday?
I mean, you'd think
that a married man
would have more to do
with himself on a weekend
than call medical students.
Probably it's something
to do with the hospital.
What's the big deal anyway?
They're just friends, remember?
Strictly platonic.
Maybe so, but it seems
strange, that's all.
Mary knows what she's doing.
I thought you said
Joannie was in here.
She was just a minute ago
and Marty just..
[whirring]
- Not now?
- Not now!
Come on, Mare, who is it?
- Who's who?
- Hey, don't play dumb.
Everyone knows some guy
dropped you off last night.
Then the phone call,
now the make-up.
- Come on, what's his name?
- Yeah.
Bye.
But that's the only way I can
capture the spontaneity, dad.
Otherwise everyone's
inhibited by the camera.
Absolutely not, I mean,
sh**ting a documentary
is one thing,
but sh**ting your own version
of candid camera,
that's another.
- No, look, you don't under..
- Hi, dad. Bye, dad.
What was that all about?
I think they call it love.
Well, I don't know
about that, dad
but whoever was on the phone
this morning sure set her off.
Yeah, it turned her on.
I thought you said
you trusted her.
I trust her.
I thought you said
she was an adult.
She is an adult.
I thought you said
you believed her.
I believe her. I really do.
It's just my overreactive
paternal gland secreting again.
You said she was old enough
to make her own decisions.
'Well, if she's old enough
to make her own decisions'
'then she's old enough
for the consequences.'
Look, I can worry, can't I?
You certainly can.
You have that down to a science.
[chuckles]
Pete, I think we should talk.
I know.
I want you to know that..
...that what happened
last night..
...was something I, uh,
just didn't expect.
Me neither.
Maybe I did, I don't know.
Why is it whenever
something nice happens
we seem to have this
pressing desire to analyse it?
Maybe because there's some pages
that needs to be analyzed.
Pete?
I'm scared.
So am I.
Should we stop
seeing each other?
No.
What should we do?
Why don't we just enjoy
the rest of today as friends?
Like it used to be.
Well, we could try.
But the truth is
it's not like it used to be.
Hey, let's go see the movie.
- That? Oh, no. No.
- Come on. Seriously. Come on.
- Pete.
- Come on. Do me a favor.
- It's my day.
- Your day?
- Okay, it's your day. We'll go.
- Good.
But I'm telling you..
You don't understand,
this is a bad film.
Bad? What do you mean bad film.
- Are you kidding?
- It's so bad.
[indistinct chatter]
Here.
(woman on screen)
'What a handsome man!'
'How lucky I was'
'to marry such a handsome man.'
(man on screen)
'Lorraine, you should,
you should rest now.'
(woman on screen)
'No, no.'
[Mary sobbing]
[yawns]
That was the worst movie
I've ever seen in my life.
- I loved it.
- I can't..
Look at your eyes.
[laughs]
Look at that.
No.
Okay.
[instrumental music]
[car engine rumbling]
[horn blares]
Mary?
In here, please.
I thought you said
that you and Dr. Berkus
were just friends.
We are friends.
Well, that may have
been the case once
but friends don't kiss
each other goodnight
not like that anyway.
You were spying?
Oh, well, I was keeping
my eyes open.
I mean, somebody
has to around here.
I don't wanna talk
about this anymore.
I don't blame you,
I mean the whole thing
is kinda sordid,
don't you think?
Sordid?
Mary, he's married.
Dad, our relationship
happens to be beautiful.
It may be beautiful now,
but if you stop long enough
to think about later..
'Mary, I'm worried about you'
'I'm worried that my daughter
will get hurt.'
I can handle it.
I-I don't believe you can.
I thought you said
you trusted my judgment.
'I thought that you could
live up to that trust.'
I mean, what about his wife?
And his children?
Have you thought about them?
Dad, look.
I know that there's problems.
There's lots of problems
but I'm gonna work 'em out.
I know what you're doing.
You're living
in a fantasy world.
You're playing with fire
and someone is bound
to get b*rned.
Mary, please, look.
I'm asking you,
walk away from him..
...now while you still can.
That's just it, dad, I can't.
I think I'm in love with him.
And I'm not
gonna stop seeing him.
(Joannie)
'Tommy! Nicholas!'
Alright, alright.
Don't have a stroke.
Well, come on, will you?
Oh, you're taking
this Gauca Dew thing
a little too seriously,
don't you think?
I always take money seriously.
Okay, sport.
What do you want me to do?
Just play along
with whatever I say.
You've got it.
I thought the whole idea
of this film
was for everyone
to be spontaneous.
Yeah, you said we could talk
about whatever we wanted.
Well, I changed my mind.
Spontaneous didn't work
so I decided to take a little
artistic license, okay?
Now, look, when I say action
all you gotta do
is make your beds.
But what do we talk about?
Uh, uh, school.
- School. Okay?
- Great.
Alright, you ready?
- Alright.
- Okay, ready.
- Roll camera.
- Rolling.
And...action!
So, Nicholas,
how was school?
Great, I love school.
You know what
my favorite class is?
No. What?
Science. We're learning
all about the moon.
Boy that's sound interesting.
Yeah, I like the part
about the craters.
They remind me of the ones dad
used to have under his eyes.
Really?
Yeah, but that was before.
Before what?
Before dad started
using Guaca Dew eye cream.
'You know, it really helps.'
'Just call in
for a free demonstration'
if you don't believe me.
No obligation.
See, Guaca Dew
is made from avocado pits.
Scrunch up.
'See, you scrunch up like this'
'and then you put it
under your eyes.'
- 'Mary?'
- Oh, come in.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Um, looks like I caught you
on your way out, huh?
Yeah.
[clears throat]
Can you spare a minute?
Well, uh, that all depends on
what we're gonna talk about.
If it's what I think it is, uh,
the subject is closed.
Look, Mary, I, I didn't come
here to judge you or anybody.
I don't even wanna advice, I..
I just thought if you'd like
to talk, I'd like to listen.
Oh, Abby,
it's, it's so confusing.
I didn't expect this to happen.
I really didn't.
- We never do, do we?
- No.
But things are moving so fast.
It was really simple
when we were friends.
Yeah.
[sighs]
Abby, I-I don't even know
that I am in love with him.
But I do know one thing.
When I think about not seeing
him again, I-I go crazy.
You know something?
You'd like him,
he, he's bright..
...funny and he really cares.
Mary, there is one thing
I'd like you to think about.
Relationships are tough
under the best of circumstances.
'These are not
the best of circumstances.'
But I can't think of any worse.
You know that relationships
require sacrifices.
Well, are you prepared to make
the sacrifices that it takes
to make this kind
of relationship work?
I think so.
Well, then, there's just
one thing left to consider.
His family.
The family,
very real people.
Hi, dad.
Oh, hi, Mary.
You're going out?
That's right.
I see.
Can we expect you for dinner?
I don't know yet.
I see.
That was a big waste of time.
Here we are trying
to sh**t a documentary
and your brother's
doing ten minutes on avocado.
Well, I'll cut around that.
We'll make it work.
John Ford couldn't
make this film work.
- No, I've had enough, Joannie.
- No, no, Marty, don't quit now.
Please, look, we'll get
a few more sh*ts of my father
and I'll piece
something together.
Oh, no, no, I can't work
with your father anymore.
I'm sorry,
but all I ever get
is, "Not now, Marty, not now."
Well, what I'd like
to know is when?
Soon, very soon.
Soon? I'm sorry, but soon
is just not soon enough. I quit.
No. Marty, you can't quit now.
Not now, not now.
[sighs]
I'm sorry
about your family, Mary.
Oh, don't be sorry about them.
They're alright.
Besides, I'm more concerned
about you and me right now.
About where we go from here.
Yeah. I've been
thinking about that too.
Sit down.
[sighs]
It was so easy
when we were just friends.
Yeah, I know.
They say that you can't
go backwards.
Do you believe that,
that you can never go back?
It's true for me, Mary.
I'm in love with you.
Alright. I really am and I don't
know what to do about it.
You're not gonna say anything?
I don't know what to say.
I'm confused.
Pete, we, we haven't
talked about your family.
'Don't you think
we should talk about them?'
Mary, they don't have anything
to do with you and me.
Of course, they do.
Okay.
My wife's name is Lori
and the kids are Andy..
...and Ellie.
Do you love them?
Of course, I do.
I love all of them.
But I love you too.
And now, you're just as big
a part of my life as they are.
How big a part?
How big a part do I get?
Pete, where do we go from here?
And can we live with ourselves
when we get there?
Nicholas, hurry it up,
would you?
(Nicholas)
'I'm busy.'
Busy with what? You've been
in there for minutes.
'If you gotta know,
I'm testing out my Gauca Dew.'
'What's it to you?'
Well, test it someplace else.
I got a date.
Why you trying
that stuff anyway?
How am I gonna know
if it works if I don't test it.
Besides, I wanna see
if it gets rid of my lines.
But you don't have any lines.
Well, then,
I guess it works, huh.
[scoffs]
Ah, unusable.
Unusable.
Definitely unusable.
Unusable seems to be
the key word around here.
Yeah.
Alright. Don't be so hard.
Maybe we can save it
with a little creative editing.
Oh, no, I'm afraid
nothing can save that.
That bad?
[chuckles]
Bad?
It's horrible.
I suppose Marty told you
the gruesome details.
Well, you know Marty.
He tends to exaggerate.
[clicks tongue]
Not this time.
Not as easy
as it looks, is it?
Oh, it sure isn't.
You were right.
Truth is I'm just
not ready for this?
I don't know if I'll ever be.
Joannie..
...you've learned
some hard lessons
but that's the only way
to learn anything.
You're a very good researcher.
You're gonna be
a very good on-camera reporter.
- Some day.
- Some day.
Some day may not
be that far away.
You mean it?
Yeah.
Ah!
[laughs]
Feeling better?
- Yeah.
- Good.
File that. And do me a favor
and don't take all day.
We got a lot of work
to do around here.
Yes, sir.
Mary, telephone.
- Thanks.
- Sure.
Hello.
(Pete)
'Are you coming
to the hospital tonight?'
Uh, I don't know, um
I was thinking
of studying at home tonight.
Uh, Mary..
I'll pick you up
in half an hour.
I thought you were
gonna tell me it was over.
I never expected this.
Nothing about you and me seems
to be very predictable, does it?
Sure doesn't.
Maybe it's not
the right thing, I don't know.
If it means not losing you.
Why do I suddenly feel like
I'm about to become
a home wrecker.
Mary, I never said
anything was definite
so let's not jump
to conclusions, okay?
But you are thinking
about leaving your wife.
You just said you were.
I said I was re-evaluating
our relationship.
I was...discussing options.
Some option.
Pete, do you remember
when I told you I was scared?
Yeah.
Well, now, I'm really scared.
Dad, Pete and I had a talk.
We discussed the possibility
of his leaving his wife.
Oh, Mary.
Can't I get through to you?
Don't you see it's wrong?
He has a family.
Why can't you see that?
I can't believe
you're doing this.
I'm not.
Look, I made the decision
not to see him again.
Oh, I see.
I wanted him.
I still want him.
But I won't have him
at someone else's expense.
You made the right decision.
Don't make me out
to be so self-righteous.
I could've kept seeing him..
...but I'm also too selfish
to share.
It's just so hard.
I know it is.
I would like to help you.
No, no.
I'm adult now, remember?
I get to deal
with this one all by myself.
I remember.
But being an adult doesn't mean
that you have to deal
with this alone.
That you can't have
someplace to go.
'I'm still your father
and I'm here if you need me.'
Okay.
Dad, I need you.
I really love him.
You know somethin' else?
Sometimes I hate
being an adult.
I know, Mary.
And you know what?
Sometimes I do too.
[instrumental music]
Hi, Nicholas.
Can I give you a hand?
That's okay, dad,
I can handle it.
Goin' out to sell
your Guaca Dew?
I already sold it all.
I'm delivering.
You sold it all?
That fast? How did you do it.
Well, Kenny P. Landers
talked to his mother
into buying what was left.
But...there are
jars in there.
'What could
Kenny Landers' mother do'
'with twelve jars
of Guaca Dew?'
Come here a minute.
You ever seen Kenny's mother?
No, why?
Billions of 'em.
Billions?
Billions.
[theme music]
04x14 - Mary, He's Married
Watch/Buy Amazon
The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.
The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.