[knock on door]
(Tom)
'Nicholas,
what are you doing up?'
'You should have been in bed
a half an hour ago.'
Dad, I don't think
I can go to bed
until I figure something out.
What?
(Nicholas)
'Well..'
What's an old wives' tale?
Oh, it's a misconception,
Nicholas.
It's-it's a story,
or a saying that's taken
as truth, but has no basis
in actual fact.
I don't want a definition.
I want an example.
Well..
Can't this wait until morning?
Dad, I don't think I can fall
asleep until I figure this out.
[sighing]
Alright.
Let's see, uh..
An old wives' tale..
An old wives' tale...would..
Well..
Use my definition
and you think of one too.
Okay.
I've got it.
Eat a lot of spinach
and get real strong.
No, no, no.
That's from "Popeye."
Uh.. Oh, I've got one.
"An apple a day
keeps the doctor away."
No, actually that's an adage.
An adage is different.
I've got it.
"Starve a fever, feed a cold."
No, because I read once that
there's some truth to that one.
Well, looks like
I'm just gonna have to stay up
and watch TV
till we think of one.
I've got one, Nicholas.
It just came to me
this second.
A little boy that doesn't
get to bed on time
wakes up in the morning
with a very sore behind.
That's an old wives' tale?
It's an old dad's tale.
Get to bed, Nicholas.
[instrumental music]
["Eight Is Enough"]
♪ There's a magic in the early
morning we've found ♪
♪ When the sunrise smiles
on everything around ♪
♪ It's a portrait
of the happiness ♪
♪ That we feel and always will ♪
♪ For eight is enough ♪
♪ To fill our lives with love ♪
♪ Oh we spend our days ♪
♪ Like bright
and shiny new dimes ♪
♪ If we're ever puzzled
by the changing times ♪
♪ There's a plate
of homemade wishes ♪
♪ On the kitchen windowsill ♪
♪ And eight is enough ♪
♪ To fill
our lives with love ♪♪
[instrumental music]
- Hi, dad.
- Hey, what's in the box?
Come here and take a look.
- Oh, look, it's baby clothes.
- It is.
- Aw.
- How cute.
Yeah, those were David's
first pair of jeans.
Yeah, he hasn't worn
anything else since either.
Elizabeth, this was your dress.
Oh, yes, back
in the good old days
when I wore a size minus six.
Huh-huh.
I found these up in the attic
and I thought maybe
Susan could use them.
Well, dad,
aren't they a little old?
Yes, I don't think
Susan wants her baby
smelling like mothballs, dad.
No, they can be washed.
You kids don't realize,
it's very expensive
to have a baby.
Merle and Susan
are just starting out.
'They need all the help
they can get.'
- Maybe, you're right, dad.
- I am right.
And I want you
to do me a favour.
The next time you throw
a load in the wash
throw these in with them, okay?
- Sure, dad.
- Okay.
[all chuckling]
Guys, we can't let dad give
Susan these old hand-me-downs.
Well, but they're not that old.
Oh, yeah?
When was the last time
you saw a little kid
wearing an "I like Ike" T-shirt?
[laughs]
Come on, Marvin. I don't
wanna just sit here all day.
We could sh**t some baskets.
How does that sound?
Nah.
What about electric football?
No, that's alright.
Come on, Marvin, you've been
acting weird all day.
Nicholas..
...if I told you
something, you promise
you'd keep it a secret?
Sure. What?
[sighing]
I think I'm..
I think I'm in love
with Darla Wienberg.
Darla Wienberg!
Come off it.
No, this is serious.
I think I'm really
in love with her
but I don't know
what to do about it.
Well, why don't you
just tell her?
I can't do that.
- Why not?
- I'm too shy.
Well, you can write
her a note.
Girls love to get notes.
- They do?
- Sure.
Take my word for it.
How come you're such an expert
on girls all of a sudden?
When you live
with a house full of 'em
you pick up a few things.
Now, let's get out of here.
[instrumental music]
Well, well. What's been
taking you so long?
I've been waiting to do
that since homeroom.
Well, you should have
stopped me in the hall.
Well, what you wanna do?
You hungry?
No, I don't think I can
do anything right now.
How come?
I promised Liz
I'd go shopping with her.
Aren't you forgetting something?
- What?
- Today is our anniversary.
- Oh, no.
- How could you forget it?
It was two months ago,
today, we had our first date.
I thought women were supposed
to remember things like that.
I know.
That's why
I've planned something
very special for tonight.
Yeah? What?
I'm cooking you dinner
at my house.
Great! Just the way I wanted
to celebrate, with your parents.
That's what's special.
My parents are going out.
We'll have the whole house
to ourselves.
- How's that sound?
- Sounds like I'll be there.
Okay, good.
Around seven?
- Yeah, I'll see you then.
- Okay.
Bye, Liz.
[indistinct chatter]
Hey, what's happening,
Bradford?
Hey, Ernie.
Brandon, its been a long time.
Yeah, we saw you out there
in the parking lot
exercising your
senior privileges
with the numero uno
of the junior class.
Yeah, well,
when you got it, you got it.
Yeah.
- Jill's a, a nice girl.
- I say.
Of course, uh..
I haven't got time
to mess with, uh, nice girls.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Hey, don't get me wrong.
Big girls like that
are great for walks in the park
and holding hands
in the movies.
But when it comes down
to real action
'they are strictly off-limits.'
What makes you so sure?
Oh, you got something to tell us
that will prove me wrong?
- Well--
- Yeah, I didn't think so.
Hey, look, man,
I know what's happenin'?
That's why I don't mess
with high school chics anymore.
- You don't?
- 'Nah.'
I've moved up..
...to college women.
College women?
Yeah, see they're a little
more, uh, experienced.
Well, all I know is, uh,
Jill invited me over for dinner
tonight and she made
a special point
'of getting rid of her parents.'
Alright, Bradford.
Well, I better be gettin' ready.
- Catch you later.
- 'Have a good time.'
Hey, uh, Bradford..
Good luck, only, uh,
if I were you I wouldn't
get my hopes up too high.
I'll never forget him.
How's that orthopedist
you know?
- Bob Tacus?
- Yeah.
- Are you still seeing him?
- Oh, off and on.
Actually, I'm thinking
about giving up
on doctors altogether.
As soon as they find out
you're as smart
as they are,
they get intimidated.
I know what you mean.
Yeah, and the ones
that don't, wanna talk
about medicine all night long.
So, I've decided to spend all
my spare time playing tennis.
- That hopeless, huh?
- Just about.
Now we won't make a big
production out of this.
Just us and a few close friends.
About or so.
Twenty-five
is a big production.
(Nancy)
'Well, Susan
has a lot of friends.'
Besides, more guests,
more gifts.
- True, true..
- Right.
I think we can handle that.
- Oh, hi, Mary.
- Hi, uh, Kerry Durham.
This is my family.
This is Elizabeth.
- Hi, Kerry.
- Nice to meet you.
- This is Joannie.
- Hi, Joannie.
- And Abby.
- Hi.
- Kerry. How you doing?
- And this is Nancy.
- Oh, hi.
- Hi, Nancy.
Mary, I'm glad you're here.
We were just plannin'
a baby shower for Susan.
Yeah, what do you think?
Well, it sounds
like a great idea
except none of us know the first
thing about having one.
Well, I gave a shower
for my sister
last year, it's really easy.
You know, you just make
a little food
and get somethin' to drink
and play a lot of silly games.
That we..
We can do that.
What's goin' on here,
an ERA convention?
- 'Oh, hi.'
- 'Hi, Tommy.'
Tommy, this is my girlfriend.
This is Kerry.
Kerry, this is my brother,
Tommy.
Hi, Tommy, nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, Kerry.
- You're beautiful.
- Oh, thank you.
What are you doin'
hangin' out with Mary?
- Oh.
- Cute.
Oh, you must be
the brother that breaks
all the hearts at Central High.
Well..
Oh, is that our little
brother blushin'?
Grow up, Elizabeth.
If you'll excuse me,
I have to get ready for a date.
- Jill?
- Yup, Jill.
She's a lucky girl.
Oh, I'll tell her you said so.
[instrumental music]
You know, it's, uh,
nice celebrating this way.
Lucky, your parents
got those tickets.
It wasn't all luck.
Those tickets took a nice chunk
out of my savings account
but...it was worth it.
You know, uh,
the past couple of months
have been pretty nice for me.
Me too.
And I just thought
we should make it official.
Oh, Tommy.
Nothin' but the best
for my woman.
[laughing]
Tommy.
I love you.
[music continues]
Well, I think it'd be a lot
more fun if she didn't know.
Well, now, listen,
if it's gonna be
a surprise baby shower,
we've gotta figure out
how to get Susan over here.
Maybe we could get Merle
to help with that.
Oh, yeah, good idea.
Right, I'll call
him tomorrow.
Well, is the father supposed
to come to this baby shower?
Well, traditionally,
it's women only.
That sounds kind of sexist.
Maybe we should buck tradition
and let the men come.
I think there's a couple
of reasons why it's women only.
- Like what?
- Men would hate it.
And besides it would
double the guest list.
Uh, let's keep it traditional.
Yeah.
[instrumental music]
Tommy, no.
- Why not?
- Because I don't want to.
Well, that says a lot
for our relationship.
What do you mean?
I mean that when two people
are seriously involved
in a relationship,
sex is a part of it.
We're the only couple I know
that hasn't gone past necking.
That's not true.
And besides, I don't care
what other people are doing.
We're talking
about you and me.
I'm not ready.
Well, I am.
Tommy, I'm only sixteen.
My parents just started
letting me date
a year and a half ago.
They tell me I should
wait until I get married
and...at this point
I'm not so sure they're wrong.
Are you kidding?
This is .
Nobody waits until
they get married anymore.
Some people do.
Now, look, maybe,
someday I'll change my mind
but right now I'm afraid
and I'm confused.
And the least you could do
is try to understand that.
All I understand
is that it's getting
mighty tough
to be understanding.
- 'Hi, Tommy.'
- Hi.
How was your date?
(Tommy)
'Not terrific.'
Aw, well, we all have
a bad night now and then.
Yeah. Where's Mary?
Oh, she's upstairs
getting a book I lent her.
Why don't you keep me company
until she comes down?
Sure.
So, Mary tells me
you're in a rock band.
Oh, we're just startin'.
You know, playin'
some local spots.
I've always found
rock musicians irresistible.
Oh, really?
(Kerry)
'Yeah.'
As a matter of fact,
I made a fool of myself
at a Jackson Browne
concert last month. Oh.
- How?
- Well..
I was sitting in the balcony
getting into his music,
you know.
And, uh, all of a sudden,
I had this irresistible urge
to go up on the stage
and touch him.
'So, I-I went down
to the front seats'
'and, I, um, fought my way
through the crowd'
and the next thing I know,
I was standing on the stage
next to his piano.
- You're kidding.
- No, really.
I was two feet away from him
when the bouncers
threw me off the stage.
They almost broke a rib.
Well, I-I'll tell you what.
Whenever we have
our first big concert
I'll make sure
you get front row seats.
Okay. But would you do
me a favour?
Would you promise me
that if I lose control
and go up on stage,
you'll let me touch you
'before the bouncer
drags me off, okay?'
I cross my heart.
Cross your heart, what?
Nothin', Mary.
Kerry, it was really nice
talking to you.
- I have to go to bed.
- Oh, goodnight, Tommy.
Goodnight.
That is one cute brother.
[instrumental music]
Yup, to know him is love him.
Bet it is.
[music continues]
[instrumental music]
Oh, hi.
If your heart's set
on the shower
you're in for a let down.
I just used up
all the hot water.
That's okay.
Hey, w-what's the matter?
Um, I'm not
too sure I can tell
my older sister about this.
Come on. I can take it.
Step into my office.
Okay, what is it?
Well, I have to make
a decision..
...on whether I'm gonna see
Jill anymore or not.
Well, why? I-I thought you guys
got along real well.
We do.
So, what's the problem?
You know..
Jill's kind of straight.
You mean,
she doesn't fool around.
Right.
And you're thinkin' about not
seein' her because of that?
Tommy, maybe Jill
doesn't believe in casual sex.
Well, it's not casual,
I really like her.
Then you should
be more understandin'.
Look, whatever you do
don't push her into it.
'You'll lose her for sure.'
Maybe that's not
such a bad idea.
'I mean, there are other
girls, you know.'
Ones you care about as much
as you care about Jill?
Guess I'll never know
until I find out, will I?
[door shuts]
Uh..
I still don't know
why you can't write this?
You're the one who said
you knew so much about girls.
Just don't make it too mushy.
Don't worry,
I'm not the mushy type.
Just wanted to make sure.
Alright. How about this?
"Dear Darla, I've liked you
from the first day of school.
"I would like to meet you
some time after class.
"If you want to meet me,
leave a note in the cloak room.
Marvin Harris."
You signed my name!
How else is she gonna know
who it's from?
I don't want her
to know who it's from.
- At least, not yet.
- Why not?
She might not show up.
Listen, just sign it
as "Your secret admirer."
'I'll stick it in her desk
before she gets to school.'
[whispering]
Secret..
[sighing]
Me and Darla Wienberg.
Nicholas, this could
be the real thing.
Now, in order for it
to be a surprise
you'll have to get her
here at o'clock on the dot.
Susan's gonna love it.
Are you sure
she's not busy tomorrow?
Uh.. Don't worry.
Even if she is, I'll make sure
she's here at :.
- Great.
- I think everything's done.
Oh, yeah, except for buying
the gifts and the food
and the drinks
and inviting everybody.
Well, uh,
I forgot a few things.
Hey, you think I can get
in here a minute, Rapunzel?
I'm in a hurry, huh.
- Where're you goin'?
- Oh, to meet Jill.
Oh, how are you two doin'?
Um, not bad. I thought
I'd give her another chance.
Oh, well, in that case,
the mirror's all yours.
I wouldn't dream
of letting Jill see you
with a curl out of place.
[doorbell dings]
- Oh, Kerry, hi. Come on in.
- Hi.
I came by to see if your sister
wanted to play a little tennis?
Oh, well, uh, she's still
at the hospital.
Oh, oh, I really felt
like playing a few sets.
Mm, I don't think
she'll be home for a while.
- Hi.
- Hey, Tommy, you play tennis?
Well, yeah,
I'm not too bad.
You're up for a little workout?
- Sure.
- Hey, but I thought you--
Elizabeth, why don't
you run along upstairs?
Yeah, okay.
I guess I'll run along.
- Bye, Kerry.
- Bye, Elizabeth.
- Just give a minute to change.
- 'Yeah, okay.'
[grunting]
You got another set in you?
Oh, I just went easy
on you with that one.
You're ready to lose big.
Oh, you think so, huh?
We'll see about that.
[breathing heavily]
(Tom)
'So you're going away
for a few days?'
Yeah, we reserved the cabin
up at Yosemite for next weekend.
Oh, it should be beautiful up
there, this time of the year.
Yeah, are you sure
the army blankets are down here?
Everything is down here.
Why don't you move
some of that stuff there?
It might be behind it.
Nope.
Hey, is this
what I think it is?
Uh-huh.
Oh, my gosh.
You know, I moved
this down here
around ten years ago
when Nicholas outgrew it.
Oh, suddenly I feel very old.
I mean, I slept
in this crib too.
All eight of you
slept in this crib.
It must have been crowded.
Hey, how does it feel
knowing that in a few months
you're going
to be a grandfather.
Oh, it feels nice.
You know something,
if we sanded this down
and gave it a coat of paint,
it'd be as good as new.
We could give it to Susan
and Merle and number nine.
Hey, yeah, and if we work
on it tonight
and tomorrow morning,
we could get it done
in time for Susan's shower.
Don't say anything. I want it
to be a surprise for everybody.
Okay, okay.
[clears throat]
Let me help you...gramps.
[indistinct chatter]
Boy, when you get
your second win
you don't
mess around, do you?
Well, I try and stay in shape.
I'll say.
I'm used to playing
with guys who start
feeling their age
in the middle of the second set.
You looked
terrific out there!
Oh, yeah, I'm a natural
born athlete.
Yeah, well,
you look like one.
Thanks.
You know, I really had fun.
It's so hard just to have fun
when you're in medical school.
I had a good time too.
Uh, maybe, we could
play again tomorrow.
Oh, I'd love to,
but I got a class till :.
Oh, well,
how about tomorrow night?
The high school courts are lit.
Well..
If you're busy, I..
No, it's just that there
is Woody Allen movie
on TV tomorrow night.
- Oh. Yeah, he's terrific.
- Yeah.
Oh, why don't you come over?
I'll fix a little dinner,
we can watch it together.
Well, that sounds decent.
You sure you wouldn't
be too bored
hangin' around
with an old woman like me?
Are you kidding?
I think you're great.
Aw, Tommy, thanks.
[instrumental music]
[instrumental music]
[indistinct chatter]
Hey, Bradford, how did it go
with Jill last night?
Oh, forget Jill.
Why, you struck out, huh?
No, just decided
to take your advice, Brandon.
'I've decided not to mess around
with high school girls anymore.'
You have?
Yup, I found myself
an older woman.
A -year-old older woman.
She's crazy about me.
And she invited me over
to her house, tomorrow night.
- Way to go, Bradford.
- Alright.
[music continues]
Good morning, everybody.
My, don't you look
nice today.
As a matter of fact
you all look
exceptionally beautiful today.
What's gotten into you?
Gotten into me?
Is there something wrong
with showing your..
...appreciation for the women
in your family?
(Mary)
'Considering that you've never
shown it before, yes.'
Tommy, would you like
some breakfast?
Oh, no, Abby, I really can't.
I have to run
along to school now.
But thank you, and you all
have a nice day, okay?
- Oh, yeah.
- Well..
I guess things
are getting better with Jill.
Or Kerry.
Kerry?
[instrumental music]
- Tommy.
- Oh, Jill, hi.
How are you doin'? I've been
trying to get a hold of you.
- You have?
- Yeah.
I, uh, wanted to talk
to you about yesterday.
What about yesterday?
Didn't we have a date?
Oh, yeah, but something
kinda came up.
What kinda came up?
Well, I had to help
my sister's friend.
And by the time I got back,
it was just too late.
You could have had
the decency to cal.
Yeah, I know. And I'm sorry,
it won't happen again, okay?
Okay. Well, what about tonight?
Well, tonight's kind
of a bad night.
Oh.
It's not that I don't
wanna see you or anything.
It's just that I'm kinda busy.
Okay, well, we'll make it
some other night then, okay?
Yeah, sure, I'll call you.
Hey, listen, I'll catch you
later. I gotta run, okay?
- I felt him kick.
- Really?
Y-yup. I-It felt
like Pele was in there.
Oh, I don't know, Merle,
that might
just be my stomach kicking.
I just ate an avocado
and chocolate syrup.
Oh..
Well, you know,
when you're pregnant
your body craves
what it needs.
Your body needed
chocolate sauce and avocado?
Yes. And right now it needs
French fries and maple syrup.
Oh, uh, wait a minute, honey.
Uh, can I ask you somethin'?
Um, do you have anything
planned for tomorrow afternoon?
Well, nothing I know of.
What do you have in mind?
Uh-uh, nothing special.
I...just thought we could sit
in front of the fire.
You know, spend some time
together, just the two of us.
Oh, that sounds real nice.
Now, promise you'll be here,
all afternoon.
Oh, I don't know
why I wouldn't be.
Great. Oh, but could
you promise me one more thing?
Promise you won't eat
where I can see you.
Oh-h-h.
I tell you, David,
it was like a real-life fantasy.
'She came over
to the house to see Mary.'
I didn't even
have to make a move.
I looked at her,
she looked at me
and bang!
Sparks started flyin'.
Really?
Sparks in broad daylight? Wow.
David, I'm serious.
Man, you should have seen
the way she was coming
on to me at the tennis courts.
And then, she invited me over
for dinner tonight.
Kinda hard to misread
those signs, huh?
It sounds great.
Except, I thought, you were
going with a girl at school.
Yeah, well, I don't
have time to play
footsies with her anymore.
Kerry's got
a lot more to offer.
Um..
Tommy, how old is Kerry?
Pretty old.
I'd say around your age.
What are you after,
her social security?
What was that supposed to mean?
I can remember you goin' out
with a lot of older chicks.
She digs me. Besides, we have
a lot of the same interest.
Music, sports,
we relate on a lot of levels.
Tommy, it's a fine line
that separates
fantasy from reality.
David, this chick
means business.
Yeah, whatever.
I gotta split.
Uh, David, could I,
sort of borrow this?
I don't wanna show up
empty-handed.
Yeah.
[instrumental music]
[indistinct chatter]
[sighs]
Nicholas, are you sure
that flowers and candy
aren't too corny?
Don't worry,
girls are suckers for it.
I see it on TV all the time.
What if she wants
to kiss me or somethin'?
Will you relax?
There's nothin' to it.
Wh.. Well, what do I tell her?
Well, just tell her
that she's real pretty.
And if she starts to talk
about her grandparents
just tell her
that they sound real neat.
What if she wants to go steady?
Marvin, I wouldn't expect
too much on the first date.
Hey, here she comes.
Now, you're on your own,
and good luck.
No..
Marvin, what are you doing here?
Oh, uh, huh?
Oh, the note,
the note said to meet you here.
Not you. Nicholas.
He's my secret admirer.
No, I-I-I don't think so.
Marvin, I know
Nicholas' handwriting.
- You do?
- Is this some kind of joke?
[instrumental music]
Oh, there you are, Nicholas.
Hey, Marvin, wait.
[instrumental music]
- Oh.
- Hi, dad.
- Oh, hi.
- Hey, what's that?
- What's what?
- That.
Oh, th.. Oh, oh,
this is a mattress.
Yeah, well, we can see that,
but isn't it a little bit small?
Yes, I'm glad you noticed.
It's, uh,
i-it's for my back exercises.
Back exercises.
Then, how come there's monkeys
and elephants all over it.
Oh, well
that's because
circus performers use them.
Oh.
Right.
Ooh, heavy date tonight, huh?
- Yup.
- To see Jill?
Nope, Kerry.
Kerry?
My friend Kerry?
That's right.
Tommy, you have no business
going out with Kerry.
What's the matter,
don't you think
I'm good enough
for your friend?
I don't think
you're old enough.
Well, she does.
And that's all that matters.
You see, Mary, some women
can recognize the fact
that my maturity
goes way beyond my years
And Kerry happens
to be one of 'em.
Tommy, don't be naive.
Look, Mary,
why don't you knock off
the mother hen routine, okay?
I'm a big boy, perfectly capable
of handling my own love life
without any static from you.
(Elizabeth)
'Tommy, there's someone
here to see you.'
I'll be right down.
Tommy, please,
will you wait a minute?
Mary, I don't
wanna have to tell you again.
Keep your nose
outta my business.
Yeah.
[instrumental music]
Hi.
Hi, Tommy.
So, uh, what's happening?
That's what I wanted
to know this morning.
But that's before
I went to Benny's
and heard all
about your latest conquest.
Oh, I-I don't know
what you're talkin' about.
Look, Tommy,
I don't like being strung along.
Now, apparently, this doesn't
mean anything to you.
So, why don't you
just take it back?
Well, slow down,
give me a chance to explain.
You know, if you really
cared about me
the least you could have
done is kept it a secret.
Jill, wait a minute.
I just hope
you get what you want.
[door shuts]
[music continues]
Here, wait a minute.
Let me help you with that.
This is gonna be tricky.
- Sorry.
- Uh, no.
Cork just adds
a little flavor. Oops..
Hey, thanks for bringing wine,
that was real nice.
Sure.
Just a second.
Okay.
There you go.
Well, here's looking
at you, kid.
Thank you.
You know, uh, we've only been
friends for a couple of days
but I feel really close.
Aw, that's nice.
I feel close to you too.
Uh, maybe,
it's because of your eyes.
I never realized,
they were so deep.
You have beautiful hair.
Tommy, what are you doing?
Now, you know
what I'm doing.
- No, I don't.
- You know, me and you.
Tommy, I don't know what
you expected tonight, but..
Wait, a minute, you were all
over me at the tennis court.
Tommy, I think
you should leave.
Now.
[exhales sharply]
[indistinct chatter]
She really threw you out?
Are you kidding? I thought she
was gonna call the vice squad.
Well, look at the bright side.
At least you still have Jill.
No, I don't.
She heard about Kerry,
and she gave me my ring back.
What a mess.
How do these things happen?
Hey, Bradford,
you don't look any different.
What's that supposed to mean?
Yeah, I don't know.
I just figured after your
date with the older woman
you'd look
a little different, that's all.
Lay off, Brandon.
Oh, don't tell me you blew it.
You know, I had
hopes for you, Bradford.
Brandon, why don't you shut up?
Don't tell me to shut up.
Somebody should have told you
to shut up a long time ago.
If it weren't for you
and your big mouth--
Hold it!
Who's got a big mouth?
You do. Because of you
Jill found out about Kerry.
Hey, you weren't exactly,
keeping it a secret, you know.
Listen, Bradford, you wanna
stop people from talking
you begin by keeping
your own mouth shut. Huh?
'Bradford..'
What are you doing up so late?
Oh, I had so much on my mind,
about the shower
I-I couldn't sleep.
You're home kind of late
from your date, aren't you?
My date ended
about o'clock.
I've been wandering around
trying to get things straight
in my mind ever since.
What's wrong?
My love life
is in ruins, that's all.
What happened?
[sighing]
Well, Jill dumped me,
because she found out
I was seein' Kerry.
And Kerry kicked me
out of her apartment..
...because I tried
to put the make on her.
You tried to put
the make on Kerry?
I thought she wanted me to.
You mean you wanted her
to want you to.
All I know
is I've lost them both.
Tommy..
...you never had Kerry
in the first place.
But I had Jill.
Well, then I hope
you learned something.
What, I'm a total jerk?
No.
That caring for somebody
is a lot more important
than just sleepin' with them.
Yeah.
I just wanna think of Jill,
and how I feel about her.
None of that stuff seems
important anymore.
It's a tough lesson to learn.
It doesn't do me any good now.
Well, maybe not,
but you'll know the next time.
And you won't make
the same mistake.
You're gonna go up to bed?
Nah, I think
I'll stay here a bit longer.
Okay.
Goodnight, Tommy.
Thanks, Nance.
(Nicholas)
'Marvin, I told you
I didn't know'
Darla had a crush on me.
And if I did, would I have
written that letter?
Yeah, she asked me
to go to the movies.
You know I wouldn't be
a rat like that and just go.
I told her
I had to ask you first.
Oh, hold it, M-Marvin, M..
Oh, this is heavy.
Why are they so little?
Well, they are finger sandwiches
they're supposed to be little.
Yuck, what's all
this green stuff?
Oh, Nicholas, put those down.
They're for the baby shower.
Why do they call it
a baby shower?
Because the baby
is showered with gifts.
But it's not even here yet.
Well, it's not
really for the baby
it's more for the mother,
so that she'll have things
when the baby arrives.
The, why don't they call it
a mother shower?
Nicholas..
Why don't you go over
to Marvin's for the afternoon?
I can't, he's mad at me.
Well, you have
to go someplace.
'No men are allowed
at the shower.'
Oh, then I'll just
go to Merle's house.
At least
he makes a decent sandwich.
You can't go to Merle's.
Merle's bringin'
Susan over here.
Boy, the kid isn't even born
yet, and he's already a pain.
Hi.
Merle called yet?
Yeah, yeah, I talked
to him this morning.
He said,
he was gonna go jogging
and then he'd bring Susan
over when he got back.
Great.
Susan!
Honey, where are you?
Susan?
"Shoppin' for baby clothes?"
Uh, heck, Susan!
Mm, it's perfect, but, um..
- Crushed ice?
- Right. Of course.
[telephone ringing]
Hello? Merle, where are you?
Shoppin'?
Hey, you guys, shake a leg.
We've already got guests.
- Okay, here you can take that.
- Merle lost Susan.
What?
Look, Merle,
you've gotta find her quick.
Merle, we're counting on you.
Bye.
[indistinct chatter]
What's going on? Well,
where's he gonna look for her?
I don't know.
Well, what does she look like?
Well, she's pregnant.
Just about every woman
who comes in here is pregnant.
Oh, yeah.
Uh, well, she has red hair.
And she wouldn't
buy anything that wasn't
natural or inorganic.
Oh, that was your wife.
Yeah, she was here.
She left a little while ago.
Oh, brother..
Thank you.
[doorbell dings]
I'll get it.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- May I come in?
- Of course.
Oh, Mary,
I don't know if you heard
about what happened
at my apartment last night.
Yeah, I got
a fourth-hand report.
Look, I'm really sorry.
Tommy's--
Uh, it wasn't
all Tommy's fault.
Look, is he around?
I'd really like to talk to him.
Yeah, he's in his room.
Why don't you go on up?
Thanks.
[guitar music]
[knock on door]
Come on in.
Tommy?
Got a minute?
Yeah, come on in.
Tommy, I came to apologise
for the way I acted with you.
You wanna apologise to me?
Don't you think it should
be the other way around?
I might have
said or done something
that made you believe
that I was thinking
of you as more than a friend.
And if I did that, I'm so sorry.
Nah, it's okay.
I wanted to believe it.
It's not that I don't
find you attractive.
It's just that I think that
you need someone your own age.
Yeah.
Well, I had someone, but, uh..
...I blew it.
- Jill?
- Yeah.
- I guess I really hurt her.
- Hm, because of me?
It's not your fault.
It's mine.
I just wish there was someway
I could take it all back.
(Kerry)
'Well, you can't do that.'
But, you know,
I thought I had hurt you
and I knew that if I came
over here and spoke with you
honestly and openly about it
'we'd both go away feeling
a whole lot better.'
Jill won't even see me.
No, maybe not,
but it's worth a try, isn't it?
[instrumental music]
[yawning]
Well..
(Joannie)
'You certainly have
an interesting family.'
'Yeah, they, uh,
they sound real funny too.'
[all laughing]
Have I told you
about little Bobby?
Yeah, I think you did
right after your chubby Kathy.
How about Sara?
- Sara?
- Oh, Sara was my first.
The first
is always the roughest.
All those false alarms.
And my husband,
you should have seen him.
'Mr. Cool, Calm and Collected.'
It was a miracle
I got to the hospital.
[laughing]
Well, would you excuse us,
we have to, um..
Oh, sure.
Hi, there,
how many kids do you have?
I have four.
Workin' on the fifth.
Guys, they're gettin' restless.
And boring.
Where's Susan?
- I don't know.
- Has anybody heard from Merle?
(all)
No.
Well, what are we gonna do
with woman out there
that are bored stiff?
Well, let's not panic
or anything like that.
- No.
- Well..
I've got an idea.
Okay, everybody, now, uh..
the game
that we're gonna play is called
"How well do you know
the mother to be?"
And, and it's really simple.
So, what I'm gonna do is,
I'm gonna ask you a question
- Everybody listening?
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
- Good.
And what I'm gonna do
is ask you the question
and you supply the answer
that you think Susan would give.
- Okay.
- Okay, here we go.
And the first question is
'"If, Susan, has a boy'
what would she want
him to grow up to be?"
A, a baseball player?
Aw.
B, an aluminum
siding salesman?
C, an organic dirt farmer?
Or D, a bee keeper?
Okay, everybody,
you can write it down.
Isn't this fun?
'Okay, everybody.'
'Uh, since we all
had so much fun'
'answering the first question'
'we're gonna do it again,
but we're gonna answer'
'a different question
this time 'cause..'
Um, first, what we'll do
is divide this group into pinks
and then we're gonna divide
this group into blues. Okay?
So if you guys are all ready
now, we'll start right away.
Alright, get your pencils ready.
'Uh, okay.'
'Now, all the pink people,
raise your hand.'
'That's good, good.'
'Now, if you're
gonna have a baby..'
I don't see what
the big rush is.
Well, your family
is waiting for us. Come on.
Oh, what's goin' on?
- Susan.
- Susan!
(all)
Surprise!
Surprise!
[indistinct chatter]
[indistinct chatter]
Hey, Nicholas.
You missed
a good movie yesterday.
Don't tell me
you went with Darla.
No, I went
with Kenny P. Landerson
He knows a neat way
to sneak in all the exits.
You know something,
this is kind of stupid.
I mean, us being mad
at each other over a girl.
I know, six weeks ago,
I didn't even like girls.
I don't know
what it is.
Sometimes girls can just
make you do dumb things.
For sure.
You wanna be friends again?
Yeah, us guys
need to stick together.
[indistinct chatter]
[guests chattering]
'Would you believe she
got two of everything?'
[indistinct chatter]
Okay, this is from me, Susan.
Oh, okay.
You never gonna believe it.
Well, I figured that you could
never have enough pink dresses.
[laughing]
- Uh, excuse me.
- David, what're you doing here?
Quite, counsellor.
Uh, Susan, dad and I have
something we'd like to show you.
- Oh. Look.
- Oh..
Susan, this is for you
and my future grandchild.
This is the Bradford crib.
Oh, thanks, dad.
Every Bradford has spent
a night in this crib.
From David on down.
In fact, I spent many a nights
sitting next to it
when you were sick,
and I was trying
to sing you to sleep.
Oh, this is the most beautiful
present I'll get, dad.
Thank you.
Dad, that's where you have
been hidin' all these things.
Yeah. David and I refinished it
and put in a new mattress.
Oh, you know, Susan,
it's not totally unselfish.
I figure by the time, you
and Merle are through with it
Janet and I might
have need for it.
[giggling]
[instrumental music]
Forget it, Tommy, it's over.
I know, Jill, just please,
listen to me for one minute.
Okay, but only for a minute.
Look, I was a jerk
for the way I treated you.
I'm sorry. I really am.
And I know you don't
believe this right now
but I really do care about you.
You're right,
I don't believe it.
Okay, so you hate me
and you don't
wanna see me again.
I can understand that.
But please, believe me.
I really feel bad,
for what I did.
Nobody deserves
to be treated that way.
Especially when you care
about somebody
as much as I care about you.
[instrumental music]
I made a mistake,
a big mistake.
I hope I didn't
hurt you too much.
I'm okay.
Well, that's all
I wanted to say.
I'll leave you alone.
Tommy, thanks
for telling me that.
I don't deserve a thanks.
Stop.
Will I see you
in school tomorrow?
Sure.
[instrumental music]
Abby, it just occurs to me.
We never gave Susan
the old baby clothes.
Well, that's why
we gave the baby shower
so Susan could
have some new things.
Oh..
But there was a whole boxful.
Whatever became of them?
Oh, I think
the girls were talking
about donating them
to the Smithsonian.
Come on, you guys.
- Hi.
- Hi, where are you guys going?
Well, we're gonna take back
the gifts we got for Susan.
Why isn't Susan helping you?
She's taking back
all the stuff Merle bought
when he was out
lookin' for her.
- See you later.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- See you, later.
- Oh, Nicholas!
Nicholas, don't you
want some breakfast?
No, I'm kind of in a hurry.
Where are you going?
Well, me and Marvin
wanna get to know
this new girl
in the neighborhood.
But, Nicholas,
don't you remember the last time
you and Marvin got
involved with the same girl?
Yeah, but this is different.
I mean, we don't
even like this girl.
Why do you wanna get to know
a girl you don't even like?
She's got a ping-pong table.
See ya.
He's your son.
[instrumental music]
04x18 - The Commitment
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The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.
The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.