04x20 - The Return of Joe Simons

[bunniefuu]

[instrumental music]

Dad, are we rich?

(Tom)

'Um, I guess that depends on

how you look at it.'

Well, how do we look at it?

When it comes to money,

we manage to scrape by.

We have more than many people

and less than some.

Oh, so you mean, I get more

allowance than Kenny P Landers

but less than Marvin.

That's it, Nicholas.

You got it.

But are we rich?

Well, riches are not just

having money, Nicholas.

But we're rich in other ways.

Oh, you mean, it's checks

and credit cards.

Oh, no, Nicholas.

I meant more lasting things.

Just having a family.

Being able to be together.

That's worth more than

gold or diamonds.

- It is?

- Yeah, it is.

Oh, then we are rich.

I feel that we are.

I'm glad you feel that way.

Now can we talk about

this great sale

they're having on dirt bikes?

Look at this one.

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

♪ There's a magic in

the early morning we've found ♪

♪ When the sunrise smiles

on everything around ♪

♪ It's a portrait

of the happiness that ♪

♪ We feel and always will ♪

♪ Eight is enough to fill

our lives with love ♪

♪ Oh we spend our days like

bright and shiny new dimes ♪

♪ If we're ever puzzled

by the changing times ♪

♪ There's a plate of

homemade wishes ♪

♪ On the kitchen window sill ♪

♪ And eight is enough ♪

♪ To fill our lives with love ♪♪

[instrumental music]

(Tom)

'Well, just how temporary

is temporary?'

Donna will be back in

three weeks, Mr. Bradford

and I know I'll serve you

as efficiently as she does.

- Unless..

- Unless what, Mrs. Pennington?

Unless you need me

to take short hand.

Short hand? Oh, no, no,

I-I wouldn't expect my secretary

to take short hand.

Donna would k*ll me. Ha-ha.

You're very understanding,

Mr. Bradford.

Oh, well, well trained

is really the word.

And you're much more dashing

than I thought you'd be.

Dashing?

'I had your pictured as'

more literary, a man of words.

You strike me

as a man of action.

Action?

Oh, I don't think..

I-I have a lot of work to do.

- Um, can I get you coffee?

- 'Don't bother.'

[telephone ringing]

I'll get it.

Hello?, Oh, David,

thanks for calling.

I, uh, well, I'll-I'll

tell you later.

Yeah, that, that

sounds important, son.

I'd love to talk to you,

talk to you abou-about..

Yeah, well, uh, let's do that,

uh, no, no, not here.

Ah, hi. Yeah, we'll,

we'll talk about it at home.

I'm gonna do the rest

of my work there.

I'll see you there

in about a half an hour.

Uh, yeah, bye-bye, David.

- We're working at your home?

- Eh, no, I am.

I'll need you here

to take messages.

Oh, that's too bad.

When will I see you again?

Ah, th-that will be

one of the messages.

Oh..

[instrumental music]

[engine revving]

(David)

'I still don't know about this.'

(Janet)

'What other alternatives

do you have?'

It may take months before

there's money for new buildings

if Bradford constructions

is going to survive

you have to go after

the home remodeling market.

Yeah, but it's a real come down

after building your own houses.

Yeah, I know, but it'll keep you

going till the upturn comes.

I just don't want us

to claim bankruptcy.

What is that doing here?

[birds chirping]

You mean,

what's he doing here?

- 'You know him?'

- 'Yeah, that's Joe Simons .'

Wait, I've heard about him.

He's the one who saved

Nicholas's life.

Yeah, I guess

you could say that.

When, Nicholas ran away

to San Diego, Joe took him in

and eventually brought him

home to us.

- But, not in a limousine.

- 'Well, how?'

'Uh, they hitchhiked.'

Well, I would say his fortunes

have changed a bit.

Yeah, I can't believe it.

Hey, Joe.

- 'Joe, is that really you?'

- David.

By golly, that's David,

isn't it?

Good to see you. I'd like you

to meet my wife, Janet.

- Oh, how do you do, ma'am?

- Well, how do you do?

Joe Simons.

For Pete's sakes, Joe,

welcome to Sacramento.

Hello, Mr. Bradford.

Oh, boy , it's good to see you.

Wait till Nicholas finds out

you're here.

Wait till I see him.

You'll never guess what

I've brought that boy.

Gold?

- That's right, Nicholas, gold.

- Wow.

(Tom)

Well, just where is this

gold mine of yours, Joe?

Where fate led me, Mr. Bradford.

Up in the Yukon.

Just like you said

it would be.

That's right, Nicholas.

Joe, I don't understand

something.

Um, the last time that we heard

you went to Hawaii,

not to Yukon.

Right, uh, I took

a little detour.

You had to consult

with my geologist

then I headed north

and found The Lucky Nick mine.

The Lucky Nick?

Uh, named after my partner

and inspiration here.

Uh, what part of Yukon, Joe?

Way up there. In the north part

and it's cold up there

that's why I had

to come down here.

Oh, that and...this.

- There you are, son.

- What's this?

That's the partnership papers

that says, you own

seven and one half percent

of The Lucky Nick mine.

'Sort of a, a finders fee.'

Thanks, Joe. But I didn't find

the gold mine, you did.

Well, I'd have never looked for

it, if it hadn't been for you.

That's very generous

of you, Mr. Simons.

Well, some people

might say that.

When the profits start rolling

in, which would be any day now.

The wealth involved

could be untold.

[chuckles]

You sure have grown, son.

It's been too long.

Yup, but I never forgot

what you taught me.

Oh, you mean about always being

polite and minding your elders.

Nope, I mean about three

of a kind beats two pair

and never con a con.

[laughing]

[instrumental music]

[laughing]

Joe Simons found a gold mine,

I found Nirvana.

I know it's a little

hard to believe

but-but he's delightful.

Oh, yeah, he's delightful,

alright.

I just hope he's not

up to something.

Well, why would he be

up to something?

Well, you never heard

what the San Diego police

told me about Joe Simons.

Apparently the only trustworthy

thing he ever did

in his whole life was when

he brought Nicholas home.

[chuckles]

Uh, can we forget about

Joe for a second

and talk about our problem?

Oh, right, since no one's

giving David a gold mine

we need some financial advice.

Oh, yeah, sure, what's up?

Oh, well my attorney here,

talked me into

going after some

remodelling jobs.

Uh, that means, we have

to advertise to the public.

Do you think we can afford a-a

little campaign in The Register?

Well, uh, how much money

do you have available?

Well, we'd have to start with

a few hundred dollars and, uh..

You know if it paid off,

we'd keep it up.

Yeah, I don't know that much

about advertising

but I can put you

in touch with, Bob LaRoy.

Uh, excuse me, dad, there's

somebody for you at the door.

Oh, for me? Who is it?

Uh, Mrs. Pennington,

from the office.

She's here?

Well, that's highly irregular.

Um, she said

it was an emergency.

Oh, well, I better see

what she wants.

Dad, what about Bob LaRoy?

Oh, yeah, well he's our

advertising manager.

I know he'd be very happy

to help you.

I'll be right back

and we'll discuss it.

Excuse me.

Hey what's all this

about advertising?

Oh, I'm just considering,

uh, you know

a little campaign to dad's paper

for Bradford Constructions.

- Really?

- Yeah.

You're kidding.

He's serious enough

to appropriate

our entertainment budget

and our savings from the last--

Hey, you mean, you'd spend

money on a newspaper ad

when dad can get you

on television.

We can't afford television.

Sure you can.

You got a sister

in the business.

Uh, he said the message

was important.

Oh, very important,

Mr. Bradford.

That's why I'm here.

Here, I wrote down his name.

Oh, well, Mrs. Pennington,

I can't read your writing.

Oh, let me help you.

- Um, its from Dr. Meglet.

- Dr. Meglet.

Meglet? I don't know

who that is.

Something like that.

I believe its Gregory Meglet.

Could the, uh,

Meglet possibly be, Maxwell?

Possibly. He said he had

to cancel the appointment.

Should I call another doctor?

We must protect

your health now, mustn't we?

No, no, please, don't bother.

This appointment

was to play tennis.

Oh, tennis.

I knew there was a reason

that you looked so vigorous.

Maybe, you and I

could play sometime.

- Abby.

- Who's Abby?

Abby is my wife,

I'd like you to meet her.

I have a wife

and eight children.

Oh, you are vigorous.

Abby!

Children!

What was that?

Oh, that was just

dad yelling.

- You'll get used to it.

- Oh.

Did they find

your reservation?

Not yet, Nicholas.

I don't understand that hotel.

Oh, now what am I gonna do?

[sighs]

Well, maybe you can spend

the night with us.

Gee, I never thought of that.

Oh, no, you already

got a full house.

I couldn't put you out.

But you took me in, Joe,

when I ran away.

You might just mention

that to your father.

Dad, I want Joe

to spend the night here.

Well, that might not be easy,

Nicholas.

See, uh, I'd have to cancel

my appointment

'with my stock broker.'

Dad, can't Grandpa Joe

spend the night here, please?

Well, we don't want

Joe to cancel any

important appointments,

right, Nicholas?

Well, on the other hand..

[laughs]

What's money compared

to disappointing my

adopted grandson?

We'd love to have you, Joe.

- Oh, thank you, ma'am.

- Thanks, Abby.

Come on, Joe, we'll go make

your bed on the stream flush.

- I hope this isn't a mistake.

- We owe him a lot.

Yeah, but I owe this family

a little basic protection, too.

I mean, that story of Joe's

about the gold mine

is, uh, a little questionable.

I'd be more than a fool

to accept him at face value.

First you think, Mrs. Pennington

is after your virtue.

And now you think that

Joe is after your money.

I think you're

getting paranoid.

I heard about it

in a staff meeting?

Channel has a new

spot package that is perfect

for the beginning advertiser.

You know, you can buy time

on the midnight movie

for less than you can

on the newspaper.

Yeah, but how many

insomniacs

are into getting their

bathrooms remodeled?

Oh, David, that's not

the point.

A few inches of newsprint,

its boring.

But with seconds of

dramatic television

you could really

make an impression.

[sighs]

I don't know, Joannie.

What would I say on television?

[chuckles]

Ah, it's the least

of your worries.

- Leave that to me.

- 'You?'

Yeah, I'll write, produce

and direct your commercial.

[sighs]

I don't know, Joannie.

Oh, David, I would work

real hard.

Nah, it's a big gamble,

with my money and Janet's.

Oh, no-no, I'm not gonna

charge you anything.

Well, Joannie does know drama.

What does that got

to do with commercials?

Oh, well, um, commercials are

like little plays, sort of.

[sighs]

Okay, okay,

I'll think about that.

Oh, David, thank you.

[crickets chirping]

(Tom)

'Paranoid, am I?'

I just called the hotel,

they never heard of Joe Simons.

There's no chauffer

there waiting for him.

Obviously,

there's no gold mine.

And obviously,

I was right.

That old rascal

is setting us up.

[dramatic music]

[instrumental music]

No, I don't wanna tell you

the "Huff And Puff" story.

Why not? It's one of

my favorites.

It's a baby story,

I don't like it anymore.

[crickets chirping]

I got a better one.

It's about pirates.

- Space Pirates.

- Oh, okay.

You tell me about

space pirates.

First you tell me

about our gold mine.

When am I gonna get to see it?

Oh, we're gonna have

to wait till summer

when them icebergs melt.

Then will you take me?

Well, if your dad

lets you go?

Will we camp out again

and eat grub?

Oh, sure.

I don't mind eating grub, just

as long as we take some food.

Hmm.

You know something, Joe?

I met my real grandfather

this summer.

I mean, it's great,

now I've got two of you.

Well, I'm real happy

for you, Nicholas.

What's your real grandpa like?

Well, he's neat.

His name is Matt.

And he builds

a pretty good sand castle.

[crickets chirping]

He does, huh?

But not as good

as yours, Joe.

In fact,

he's a good grandpa.

But not as good a friend.

[instrumental music]

[yawns]

- I better tuck you in.

- Yeah.

[clears throat]

Ahh..

- Umm.

- There.

- Abby, I know what he's up to?

- Who?

Joe Simons,

I just figured it out.

He's here to sell us stock,

in the Lucky Nick Gold Mine.

Do you really believe that?

Yes, it's a classic con.

He arrives here,

pretending to be rich.

Then he gives Nicholas an

interest in his little gold mine

to gain our gratitude,

then he lets us buy in

on the bonanza for as much as

he can chisel us out of.

Tom, that's so cynical.

Oh, no, you don't know

how this guys lives.

You never met

any of his shady cohorts.

If he's as bad as you think,

it could break Nicholas's heart.

He won't have a chance, 'cause

I'm gonna stop him tonight.

How?

I'm going to trick him into

exposing his little scheme.

- You?

- Me.

I'll sting the stinger.

[dramatic music]

- Mr. Joe Simons.

- Oh-ho, Mr. Bradford.

I was just checking this

refrigerator door.

Somebody left it ajar.

Oh, for Pete's sakes, well

that was very thoughtful of you.

Thank you.

Ah, listen as long

as it's open, would you, uh..

...care to join me,

in a sandwich?

Oh, no thanks. Not hungry.

Oh, that's too bad.

[clears throat]

Well, I always like

to be sociable.

Good, good.

[chuckles]

[sighs]

You know, I've been meaning

to thank you

for your most generous gift

to Nicholas.

Don't mention it.

Wish I had a mines

to share with that boy.

He's a special one,

Mr. Bradford.

Yes, that he is,

Mr. Simons. That he is.

You know, um, I was thinking,

the way, uh..

...gold is going these

days...well, uh..

...just having one gold mine

must be quite a responsibility.

Oh-ho, keeps me

hopping alright.

Yes, what and with all those,

financial responsibilities

and management responsibilities

it must be a

whole new world for you.

- I'm learning, Mr. Bradford.

- Good, good.

You're probably

looking for some, uh

experienced businessman

to help, guide you

in your efforts.

Well..

No, I don't mean to take

advantage of our friendship

or our mutual regard

for Nicholas.

[sighs]

But it occurred to me that

you could probably use

some, investors.

- Investors?

- 'Yes.'

Men who might share

the financial risks

and management responsibilities

and of course

share in the eventual rewards.

'As minor partners, of course.'

Are you, um, saying

you'd like to buy some stock

in the Lucky Nick Mine?

Yes, not only me, I thought

maybe I could interest

some of my friends in investing.

'If you could just

put in writing'

exactly what your stock offers

I would be very happy

to submit it to them.

I'm sorry Mr. Bradford, I'd

never sell stock in that mine.

Never.

I've waited too long,

means too much to me

and to Nicholas,

I wouldn't think of it.

[dramatic music]

(David)

'Oh, come on, Joannie, I haven't

even had my coffee yet.'

Exactly what I said when

she dragged me over here.

I know, it's too good an idea

to wait, it's perfect.

I think you're gonna

hate it, Dave.

Oh, no, come here, Sus..

See it has impact, it's

never ever been done before

and it has an emotional appeal

to your target audience.

You'll see.

Okay, Susan, now read this,

exactly the way

you did in rehearsal.

Well, as long as you understand,

this wasn't my idea.

[sighs]

Hello, there, home owners.

As you can see,

I'm having an addition.

- If you want an addition--

- No, no, no, turn, turn.

- If you want an addition--

- Addition, see.

A new bathroom

or a new family room

call Bradford Construction.

Take it from me,

there's the addition experts.

Hmm, stop.

- What? What's wrong?

- It's terrible, Joannie.

That decides it,

we're going into newspapers.

Oh, no, no, David. Oh, David,

David, that's just a suggestion.

I mean, I could think

of others.

Oh, give me

another chance, please.

Maybe we should, David.

I mean it is terrible, but, uh..

...it does stick in your mind.

And in your throat.

So, I'll keep on trying.

I'll get it, you'll see.

(Tom)

'You're absolutely sure

about that, Charles?'

There is no Lucky Nick mine,

in all of the Yukon?

Boy, oh, boy,

that's what I figured.

Well, listen, thank you so much,

for calling up there

and checking it out.

You're not only the best agency

in the state

but you're a true friend.

Charles, thanks.

I owe you one, right, bye-bye.

(Mrs. Pennington)

'It's coffee time,

Mr. Bradford.'

Oh, uh, not right now,

I have some calls to make.

Oh, you work too hard,

Mr. Bradford.

I worry about you,

have some health cookies.

- Health cookies?

- I made them myself.

Just for you.

Oh, gosh, that was very nice,

but, I mean..

...that's not part of

your secretarial work.

- Donna never made cookies.

- Ha-ha.

I really enjoyed it,

Mr. Bradford.

Um, I think

men should be fussed over.

Oh , yeah, but, no ,no,

not during work hours.

- Then I'll save them for lunch.

- Oh.

I've prepared

a wonderful lunch for you

and I'll serve it

right here, at your desk.

No, I'll tell you,

I won't be here for lunch.

I have some family business

to attend to

and I will remain at home.

because I will continue

to write my column there.

- Again?

- Yes, again.

But I-I'll see you later,

Mrs. Pennington.

Well, I could serve you

lunch right there.

Oh, no, no, no.

That won't be necessary.

You stay here and take messages.

Take them but

don't deliver them.

I'll miss you.

Oh, isn't that nice?

Well, I'll miss you.

Well, I mean, I won't miss you,

I'll see you later.

Goodbye, Mrs. Pennington.

Come on, Joe.

Show me one more time.

I've already showed you so many

times you could show me.

- Hey, you want me to?

- Yeah, might as well.

You're gonna have to find it

yourself this summer anyway.

Okay.

Let's see.

Now, this is Grizzly Peak.

(Nicholas)

'And this

is the Two Indian river.'

'Now, you come around'

'Grizzly Peak like that,

come all the way down here'

'you crossover at the bend'

and then you go two miles north

and there's "Lucky Nick."

And how do you know

it's "The Lucky Nick"?

'Cause the nuggets are

as big as your nose.

[chuckles]

Now, that's

an exaggeration, Nicholas.

(Joe)

'They're big as your nose.'

'Not mine.'

Well, that's what I meant.

You know somethin',

I wish me and you were

at the Yukon right now.

'What's the hurry, partner?'

Well, tomorrow when I go to

school, I got a math test.

Oh, I see.

Well, maybe I better go help you

study for it.

- Do we have to?

- Yep, come on, let's do it.

What's wrong, Joe?

I don't feel so good.

J-Joe!

Help, somebody.

'Help! Somebody.'

'Quick! Help!'

Help!

Somebody, come quick!

Nicholas.

Nicholas, what is it?

It's Joe, he fell out there!

What?

Who fell?

'Joe!'

That's it.

It's the old con.

What happened?

It's the insurance hustle,

he's faking.

- Who?

- Joe.

He makes believe he falls down

and hurts his back

then claims whiplash.

Dad, dad.

Call the paramedics.

I think Joe has

had a heart att*ck.

I sure am glad you didn't have

to spend the night

at the hospital.

So am I.

How you feelin'?

I feel good now that

I am back here with you.

- You're gonna be okay.

- Yeah.

I could tell you

"The Huff And Puff story."

Say, that'd be nice.

That'd be real nice.

[sighs]

Actually, Mary's diagnosis

was quite understandable.

Angina's often mistaken

for a heart att*ck.

The symptoms

are quite similar.

But he's gonna be okay?

Well, with a little rest

he'll be fine.

If he doesn't stop taking his

medication again.

Again?

(Dr. Maxwell)

'That's what bought

on the angina att*ck.'

He says he forgot

but frankly I think

he just couldn't afford it.

But he said he was rich.

Hardly, if he's had one meal

a day in the past weeks

'I'd be surprised.'

'He's bordering

on malnutrition.'

Malnutrition.

I don't get it,

what's going on with him?

It's about time we ask

Joe Simons exactly that.

I don't think you should do that

Tom, he's in no condition

for any inquisition.

Okay. But there are other ways

of finding out.

What was the name of that police

detective down at San Diego

that I met when I was looking

for Nicholas?

He knew all about Joe Simons.

He kept a complete file on him.

I don't know,

you never told me.

I have it on my address book.

Oh, shucks,

I left it at the office.

Call, Mrs. Pennington.

I don't want to talk

to that woman.

- What woman?

- It's Tom's new secretary.

According to him she practically

chases him around the desk.

I hope that's true.

You can use the exercise.

Maybe I can sneak in

without her seeing me.

Well, Nicholas is sure

gonna be disappointed

when he finds out about Joe.

Nicholas isn't gonna find out.

Not just yet. Don't you agree?

Yeah.

There we go.

[sighs]

Oh, Mr. Bradford.

You came back.

Yes, I did. I have a very

important phone call to make.

- Well, I won't bother you.

- Excellent.

I just have one

teensy question to ask

would you join me

for dinner tonight?

What?

Dinner at my apartment,

would you join me?

Well, I eat dinner with

my wife and my children

and my current crisis

every night.

Couldn't you make this

one exception?

No, Mrs. Pennington,

I could not.

Now, I'm having a very

difficult time right now.

I have a serious problem

at home.

'I don't have time for any

of this'

'adolescent foolishness

of yours.'

I would appreciate it very much

if you would leave me alone.

I knew you wouldn't understand,

how could you?

Understand?

I understand that I am

constantly embarrassed

and interrupted.

I can't even get any work done

in my own office

and I'm not going to put up

with it any longer.

Aspirins are bad but wait--

I don't want any aspirin.

I just want to be left alone.

Mr. Bradford, please,

now let me explain.

No, let me explain, alright.

After I make this

very important phone call

I'm going to call Mrs. Cooper,

and I'm going to tell her

'to replace you and get me'

'another secretary

until Donna returns.'

'Now, I really think that's the

best thing for both of us.'

Mr. Bradford--

That's the last thing

I'm going to say.

Goodbye, Mrs. Pennington.

Thank you.

Thank you very much,

Mr. Bradford.

Thank you.

What the hell

was she thanking me about?

You want it to sound like who?

Boz Scaggs. You know, soft,

sophisticated, semi symphonic.

I think the only thing

that we have that even

comes close to sounding like

Boz Scaggs is our imitation

of "Sha-na-na-na."

Well, we could try I guess.

Now, let me see the lyrics

in the lead sheet.

Oh, there's no lead sheet

or anything

but the tune is real easy,

it's "She Loves you".

- She Loves You?

- Yeah, you know, "The Beatles."

- Gee.

- I don't know, Joannie.

Come on, Bradford,

it's a classic.

Oh, let's see.

♪ You think you lost your roof ♪

♪ Well I saw it yesterday ♪

That's it, you got it.

♪ David Bradford's

drawing board ♪

♪ And he told me

what to say-ay ♪

♪ He said remodel ♪

♪ And you know

that can't be bad ♪

♪ Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! ♪

♪ He said remodel ♪

♪ And you know

you should be glad ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ The builder who will please ♪

♪ You budget he won't squeeze ♪

♪ David Bradford yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! ♪♪

Yeah!

(both)

'No!'

Well, let's see here.

- I'll bet two.

- Two.

I'll bet two

and I'll raise you two.

It's time to take

your medicine.

I just took it.

No, Joe,

that was two hours ago.

I'll see you two.

I got Jacks and sevens.

Three little ladies.

[chuckles]

By golly, you haven't

lost your touch, kid.

Let's see.

Here's--

Next thing I know you'll be

telling me to take my vitamins.

Not now.

You take those with meals.

I do, do I?

[sighs]

- You feelin' better?

- Yeah, a little, Nicholas.

I'm sorry about this.

I didn't mean to scare you.

Well, I'm not scared now.

Now that Dr. Max and Mary

said you gonna be back

to your old self after you get

a lot of rest and eat a lot.

Well, sometimes it isn't easy

to be your old self.

You mean, you're still sick?

It has nothin' to do

with a man's body, Nicholas

it has to do with

how he feels about himself.

How other people look at him.

Yeah, well, you shouldn't worry

about that, Joe, I mean

you are important,

you got a gold mine.

Yeah, that's right, Nicholas.

I'm a big man.

'Real big.'

[sighs]

Dad, what's this all about?

I had several talks on the phone

with Detective Marshall

down at San Diego, he's done

some checking for me

and now I know why

Joe Simons is here.

It's obviously not to give

Nicholas his share

in his gold mine.

Hardly. He's never

even been to the Yukon.

When he came back from Hawaii,

he went right back to San Diego

where he had some hard times.

He had two friends down there.

Nathan, who d*ed eight months

ago, and Anna who went east'

'to live with here niece.'

Right after she left he started

getting this angina att*cks

and there was nobody there to

help him so, the welfare people

just put him into a nursing home

as a ward off the state.

- Well, he must have hated that.

- Yeah, I guess so.

'Last month he ran away.'

Well, where's he been

in the meantime?

Wherever it was,

he was literally starving.

Why was he pretending

to be so rich?

'I don't know. Pride, habit..'

Well, maybe he intended

a con and got sick

before he could pull it off.

Well, maybe he was just conning

us for a place to live

and food to eat.

Dad, we can't turn him out now.

He has no place else to go.

[sighs]

[sniffs]

Good morning, Joe. Did you have

a good night's sleep?

- Just fine, Mr. Bradford.

- That's wonderful.

Well, it's a beautiful day.

- Mornin', Joe.

- Mornin'.

Should I make your breakfast now

or do you want to wait

till everybody gets up?

Well, what do you think your

father would like best?

(Nicholas)

'What's the difference?'

He's a hard man

to figure sometimes.

- You mean he gets bossy.

- No, it's not that.

He's been so nice lately,

it's scary.

Yeah, well,

sometimes he's like that.

I used to try and figure it out

but nobody else in the family

can, so why should I?

Come here, son.

Did your father say anything

about me havin' to leave?

You don't have to leave,

Joe, do you?

I'm just askin' you

if he said anything?

Nothing.

- Well, he's up to somethin'.

- Why do you think that?

'Cause he's actin' kinda funny.

He's just trying to be friendly.

Well, friendly ain't normal.

I like it when people are

friendly, don't you?

Yeah, but it ain't normal.

But I like it.

Sure got a nice home here,

Nicholas. A real nice family.

- Glad you like it.

- It's homey.

Real homey.

Makes a man feel proud

just bein' here.

[coughs]

[sighs]

[phone rings]

Hello.

A-ha, hi, Jack.

Well, yeah. Well listen, um..

Why don't I call you back, okay?

Bye-bye.

Really?

This one I will see again.

[giggles]

What's it like being an intern?

Well, it's like--

[snoring]

Dad, I don't think

we can hack it anymore.

How can we have people

in the living room?

Oh, you don't mean people,

you mean, Del Reese.

I mean anybody.

Dad, how can we have guests

when Joe's always there

in his undershirt.

Well, I lent him my pajamas

and my bath robe.

And anyway, it wasn't my idea

to have Joe stay here.

As I remember, it was Nancy

who moved for the motion

and the rest of you voted

unanimously for approval.

Why is it the few times

in history this house

has a democracy,

it just doesn't work?

Dad, look, Joe's

a nice old guy but--

Dad, look, I am very concerned

about Joe's health

and his well being

but maybe it would have been

easier if he'd just pulled

a con and disappeared again.

But he didn't disappear,

he's here.

And he's not well. And I'm sure

he has spent his last dollars

on that rented limousine.

And we owe him the same

kindness and care

that he gave to Nicholas.

No, this isn't exactly

my line of work, no.

Oh, no. It's alright,

Mr. Simons, really.

All you have to do is just read

this, I mean, I really think

you can do this job.

You exude a kind of

sincerity, you know?

- Nah.

- Sure you do, Joe.

Yeah? Well, if you say so.

How much does

sincerity pay these days?

Oh, well, I still have to

finalize the budget with David

but it will definitely be

worth your time.

Oh, yeah.

In that case, what do I do?

Well, I kind of visualize that

you'd be, you'd be digging

'you see, and then you you'd

pause and, and you'd lean'

'on your shovel

and you turn to the camera'

'and just start talkin'.'

You know?

I mean, of course right now

all you have to do is read it.

- That's all I got to do?

- Yeah.

Okay.

[clears throat]

Hello there, friends and

neighbors, I'm Joe Simons.

I'm a gold miner and I just hit

pay dirt in Sacramento.

The gold I found was

Bradford Construction company.

Let Bradford Construction

remodel your house.

Take it from an old miner.

This is..

...a company

you'll really dig.

[Joannie laughs]

Oh, that is sensational,

Mr. Simons. Really.

I gotta tell David about this

right away.

I don't think so, Joannie.

Well, why not?

You were really wonderful.

Nah.

Well, I don't want to hurt

your feelings.

That's alright, Mr. Simons.

You just go ahead and tell me,

there's no room

for sensitive egos

in the creative arts.

Well, the truth is,

I like it here.

I got a family now

and a nice home

and I don't want to risk

being run outta town.

(Elizabeth)

'I'm sorry, Jack, I can't.'

Oh, no, you don't have to come

over here

this place is still

pretty dreary.

'You got it, Nicholas's friend.'

'Well, we all feel

sorry for him'

'but he sure makes

life complicated.'

We can't have people over,

we can't play music or watch TV.

It's just awkward.

I know, the poor guy

'doesn't mean to be a burden

but I'm worried about dad'

and the family budget.

I mean, you know

this family does not need

another mouth to feed

and more medical bills.

(man on TV)

'Here comes the express swell

moment of this show.'

'John, hand her

the Easy Money dart.

- 'Take the dart, Gretchen.'

- 'Got it.'

'Do you see the Easy Money dart

board up there on the wall?'

(woman on TV)

'I sure do.'

(man on TV)

'So, aim quickly.'

(woman on TV)

'Here goes.'

[laughing]

Hey?

- Joe, we've got to talk.

- Yeah.

What's wrong, partner?

Let's me and you run away.

- Run away?

- Yeah.

You remember how much fun

we had in San Diego.

Well, let's have fun like that.

Now, hold on here, Nicholas,

what brought this on?

Nothing. People only worry

about money around here.

(Nicholas)

'I've got it!'

We'll give 'em some gold.

Give who some gold?

The family.

Then they can't say it.

Say what?

Nothing.

What did they say, Nicholas?

They said

you're a burden, Joe.

That's what they say, huh?

It doesn't matter, Joe.

You'll never be a burden to me.

[sighs]

No, Nicholas,

I never will.

Ever.

I'm sorry, Joe.

I didn't mean to scare you.

I didn't know

anybody else was here.

Are you going out?

You should be resting.

Oh, I feel fine.

I got to catch that

next plane North.

(Abby)

'You're leaving?'

Joe, you can't.

Got no choice.

See business is business.

Well, maybe you could just

postpone your trip

for a little while, you know,

'cause your really not ready

to travel yet and..

Well, you and I could go see

Dr. Max, together.

Well, that's mighty nice of you,

ma'am, but like I said

I got no choice.

Seems like nobody knows

how to run that gold mine

when I'm not there.

Does Nicholas know?

Well, there wasn't time

to tell him.

I don't know if I could face him

if there was time..

Would you tell him for me?

Well, he'll be home from school

in just minutes

can't you wait?

No, I don't want to miss

that airplane.

Well, I could call the school

and have him dismissed early.

He'd be so disappointed

if he doesn't see you.

Well..

(Abby)

'Joe, it could be, it could

be a really long time'

'before you'd see

each other again, you know?'

And what, with your business

obligations and all..

Just let him say goodbye.

Yeah, I guess,

maybe you're right.

Could be a long time.

I've got the number upstairs,

I'll call him.

(Tom)

'He's leaving?'

What got into him?

I talked to Nicholas

when he got home and it seems

they were discussing the fact

that Joe was a burden.

Wonderful.

Listen, Abby,

I think it's about time we

laid our cards on the table.

I mean, let's tell him that we

know the true situation.

It's about time he faced

the facts about himself

and about his phoney gold mine.

I mean, he's got to confront

reality sometime.

Hold him there.

I'll be right home.

Okay.

- Mr. Bradford.

- Oh, Mrs. Pennington.

Please, I thought

we had an understanding.

Not really. That's why

I have to talk to you.

- Well, I have an emergency.

- This is an emergency.

It's taken me days to get enough

courage to come here.

- I wanted to thank you.

- Thank me, for what?

- Dismissing you?

- For helping.

- I don't understand.

- How could you?

If you knew what was going on

it wouldn't have worked.

This is the first job

I've had in years.

Arthur, my husband

never wanted me to work.

When he passed away,

I-I was terror stricken.

And I just

stayed in the house.

I didn't wanna be alone.

But I didn't know

how to reach out

and find someone

to share it with again.

And then,

when I finally went for help

they said I should find a man

and experiment with asking

for companionship.

But why me?

Because I had no one else,

and of course it's no mistake

you're happily married.

- It's safer that way.

- I see.

I'm sorry for being

so unfeeling.

Oh, don't be sorry.

I needed to risk

making a fool of myself.

What you did,

that was very brave.

Thank you, Mr. Bradford.

- Tom.

- Thank you, Tom.

And you're right, I was brave.

And you know something, I feel

a lot better about myself.

I mean, I know everything

isn't over

and I can still keep fighting

for my happiness.

- I think you'll win.

- Oh, well.

Even if I don't, that's better

than losing, isn't it?

(Mrs. Pennington)

'I'm never gonna let anybody

tell me my life is over.'

A person needs her pride.

- You know what, Joe?

- What?

Well, I got some long underwear.

It used to be Tommy's

before he grew.

He says, it's so warm

that you don't even have to

wear a sweater.

Sorry, Nicholas.

You still can't come with me.

But I got

David's old ski mittens.

No.

It's too cold up there.

I'll write you about you

maybe comin' up in the summer.

You promise?

I promise.

Okay, but do you think you can

maybe write before summer?

You know, the kind

of a letter writer I ain't.

And I'm gonna be very busy.

Well, maybe you could just send

me a post card.

You know,

just to say you miss me.

I'll miss you.

I'll really miss you, Joe.

Could you give

your grandpa a hug?

Sure.

(Abby)

'Tom, don't be too hard on him.'

I don't think he pulled

the gold con to con us

I think he did it

to con himself.

So he could just

have back a little

of his self-respect

and his dignity.

He's penniless, we can't

let him go on the highway

looking for greener pastures.

Well, obviously,

he'd rather do that than

go back to that nursing home.

Well, what will he do?

He'll just go on

being Joe Simons.

Yeah, the man who rather

pull a hustle than eat.

All we can do is send him off

with our good wishes.

Yeah. But you can't go too far

on good wishes these days

it takes cash.

Well, you know how he feels

about charity

he's not goin' to

accept our money.

And we can't offer it to him

in front of Nicholas

and embarrass him.

There maybe another way.

Joe, I don't want to impose on

our friendship

or you special relationship

with Nicholas

But I can't let you leave town.

Well, I'm asking you once more

please, as a special favor

to me, make an exception

'and let me invest

in "The Lucky Nick" gold mine.'

I know it's against your policy

and I know I am imposing

on our friendship

but I tell you the truth

I really need a good blue chip

investment, right now.

If it would be alright with you

I could write you out a check.

- Well, check--

- Oh, it's good.

I mean, the banks are open

and you could go right there

and cash it right away.

I guess it could be arranged.

Oh, thanks a lot.

I appreciate it.

You can send me

the proper stock certificates

as soon as you get to your

executive office.

You trust me to do that?

There's no man I trust more.

In fact, you don't have

to send them down to me.

You just bring them

the next time you visit us.

You got quite

a dad here, Nicholas.

- You take care of him.

- I will.

Well, I guess

I'll be moseying on.

Do you need a ride

to the airport?

No, thanks.

Nice day. I'll just

stroll down to my hotel

and my chauffer can do it.

Of course.

Your chauffer will take you.

Is there anything else

that we could do for you?

I got everything

a man could ask for.

Can I walk you

to the corner, Joe?

Sure, Nicholas.

Come on.

- Bye, Joe.

- Bye.

You old con man,

you reprobate.

No, I'm not so good.

I wanted so much

to give him his dignity.

And then I feel like he could

see through me.

So, he'll just know

how much we love him.

The money's gonna

keep him going

but the love

will keep him happy.

So, where do we fit

into this spectacular?

Well, all I need from you

Elizabeth is about

male and female dancers.

Seventy five?

Well, there's got to be

at least that many

in the university

dance club, right?

What about budget?

Hey, you know,

David is not gonna go for this.

Well, I think the dancers--

- David's not gonna go for what?

- Oh, male and fem--

No, no, no. Elizabeth, don't

tell him, it's not fair.

You gotta describe

the whole concept, you know.

David, I have such a great idea

for you this time.

Forget it, Joannie.

See, to start with, we sh**t on

actual location, we find a house

that's obviously in trouble

remodeling wise..

- Forget it?

- I'm not gonna go on TV.

Oh, David, why not?

Because I got four remodeling

jobs yesterday.

- Oh, congratulations.

- Four? How did you do that?

(David)

'Well, the first one came when

Merle told some of his Cyclone'

teammates about the commercial

Joannie asked them to do.

The second one came when Susan

did the same thing

at the day care center

and Ernie got me the others.

(Joannie)

'Hey, David.'

My commercial's worked

so great, you know

without even being filmed, think

how wonderful they'd be on TV.

I know, but I've got more

remodeling jobs

than I can handle right now.

If I need some more,

I know who to come to.

Okay.

♪ B is for the best way

to remodel ♪

♪ R is for our rates

which are so low ♪♪

[laughing]

[theme music]

[music continues]