04x14 - Threesome: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

(male narrator)

Rocketed from a distant planet

to a bold new destiny on Earth

found by a Kansas family,

and raised as Clark Kent

he learned he possessed

the strength of steel

the speed of light

and the desire

to help all mankind.

He is Superboy.

[music continues]

I guess I've..

always felt the need

to dominate people.

To, um..

..control them..

to prove my superiority.

(female #1)

Why do you think that is?

Why?

(female #1) That's what

we're here for, Lex.

To find answers.

Answers, hmm.

Okay.

How's this?

I need to prove

my superiority

because, one,

I am superior

and two, the idiots

I'm forced to deal with

present company included,

are usually too stupid

to realize it. Hence,

the necessity for proof.

How's that answer?

(female #1) Very good.

Very good. Excellent!

I'm pleased.

You're letting your anger out.

For a change.

No, no. I'm serious, Lex.

We are making real progress.

Ha ha, yeah right.

Pretty soon I'll be

sane enough for execution.

That is the law in this state.

"A prisoner must be sane,

at the time of his execution."

Ha, how hu-humane. Ha.

And utterly futile.

You don't really think

I'll be here

long enough for them

to execute me, huh?

[chuckling]

You'll escape, alright.

I don't have any

doubt about that.

But you'll be caught again.

And then, I'll escape again.

Ad nauseam.

Unless you change

the pattern.

I'm trying, doctor.

Please, I'm really trying.

By k*lling Superboy?

We all have

our crosses to bear.

You'll never

be able to do it.

Unless you change.

You think, humanity

is nothing more than..

a swarm of insects

crawling around your feet.

Scum. Vermin.

Head lice, actually.

No, toe jam.

But you need them, Lex.

At least,

some of them.

Why?

So you can do

what you want to do.

What I want to do..

k*ll Superboy?

Now, why, pray tell, would you

encourage me on that endeavor?

I have my reasons.

[Lex laughing]

Oh, my, my, my!

This is positively byzantine.

What sort of

a doctor are you anyway?

Just a humble civil servant..

who thinks you'll be

well on your way to sanity..

if you just learned

to cooperate

with your fellow man.

Bring in

the other patient, please.

[door opening]

A little cooperation,

can get you anything you want.

[intense music]

I'd advise you to take this

a little more seriously, Lex.

[laughing]

Seriously?

You tell me, the answer to my

problems is to cooperate

with my fellow man

and then you roll in

this Neanderthal hunk of junk.

On his best day, he was no

more than a cheap thug.

Now, what could

he possibly do for me?

Hey, Metallo don't

work for nobody.

Admittedly, this is going

to take some adjustment.

But you are both here

because of one person.

Oh, please!

I'll take care of Superboy

in my own time, in my own way.

And I'm certainly not

about to share the glory

with this

armor-plated cheesehead.

Better get in line,

chrome dome.

I think my hour is up.

Lex!

Goodbye, doctor!

I may be insane,

but I'm not crazy.

[dramatic music]

An alien that wanted

to marry Superboy, and k*ll me

a demon that tried

to take our souls

a g*ng that almost

took over the city

a werewolf,

a gollum

a couple of Satanists..

and a partridge

in a pear tree.

Well, it's a living.

Ever wonder what it'd be like

to have a normal life?

Lana, you had a normal life

in Smallville, and you hated it.

You were bored

out of your skull.

That's why you came here.

So maybe I was wrong.

(male voice over P.A.)

All inmates return.

Return to your cells,

or measures will be taken.

[alarm blaring]

Argh.

[alarm continues]

What's that?

Oh. Oh, who cares.

Let me have it.

Oh, yeah.

Come to papa. Yeah.

Whoa!

This is better than I remember.

[alarm continues]

[clanging]

[alarm continues]

Hmm.

Eh.

[glass shattering]

Psst, hey.

Chrome dome, come here.

You want out, huh?

- Ow!

- Armor-plated cheesehead, huh?

Not the better cheap thug?

Well, what's that big fat brain

of yours gonna do for you now?

I was kidding.

Come on.

Open up. We don't

have much time.

No, no, no,

that's not good enough.

- What do you want?

- What do you think?

I want you to suffer.

Metallo! No wait, come back!

Metallo!

[door creaks]

Metallo?

[dramatic music]

Unh.

I miss the stars.

Huh?

You can't see

the stars here.

There's too much

light and pollution.

Remember how many

you could see in Smallville?

I remember it.

Wanna give me a hand?

Do you remember the time we

took my father's telescope

across the county line

in the middle of the night?

And we saw Venus, Mercury,

the rings around Saturn.

- Jupiter's moons?

- You got poison ivy.

Clark, come on.

Don't you miss home

even a little?

Of course I miss it.

But there's a time

when you have to leave.

(Matt)

Clark! Lana!

There's a riot at State Prison.

Luthor and Metallo got out.

Looks like Superboy's

gonna be busy for a while.

- I hope not.

- What do you mean?

He's fought them before

and they've almost k*lled him.

Yeah, but he b*at them.

Never both

at the same time.

[dramatic music]

[theme music]

Good morning.

Did it have a nice nap?

[laughing]

Hiya, pal.

Ey, easy, easy.

She went through a lot

of trouble to set this up.

She?

(Lex)

Well, well, well.

The amazing doctor Vexman.

Tell me, is this your

idea of play therapy?

This is no game, Lex.

And I was serious when

we talked about cooperation.

Mm-hmm, So was I.

Better hear

the lady out. I did.

What's in this for you?

[chuckles]

Oh.

I hope you

have medical insurance.

What could possibly

be worththat?

Superboy.

Ah. How did I know that?

And what do you

have against Superboy?

A long time ago--

A long time ago, what?

A long time ago

I knew him. That's all.

Now, what's it going to be, Lex?

(Vexman)

He'll be flying.

All I have to do, is honk

the horn, or flash the lights.

He'll catch you, too.

(Vexman)

If I can't k*ll him.

I don't care

what happens to me.

Sowhat about it?

My way

or the highway?

Kinda like the magnificent

seven, huh? Ha, ha.

More like, Abbott and Costello

meet Frankenstein.

[dramatic music]

Did Luthor's cell

look like this?

Nope. Someone

used a key on his.

Someone?

Gotta figure,

it was an inside job.

May I see your

personnel files, please?

Ah, we've already

been through 'em.

Thought you might be

interested in this one.

Doctor Vexman.

Prison psychologist.

She was counseling both,

Luthor and Metallo and..

she didn't show up

for work today.

Dr. Vexman.

Odessa Vexman.

(warden)

You know her?

I know her.

[crackling]

What's taking you so long?

If I explained it to you,

you still couldn't understand.

What's that

supposed to mean, huh?

[chuckling]

My point exactly.

You know, genius,

nobody's ever quite as smart

as they think they are.

My mother told me that.

- Oh, really?

- Uh-huh.

Was that before..

or after she won

the Nobel Prize?

That's it.

I don't have to take

this kinda treatment.. Ah.

You want to k*ll each other?

Go ahead. Do it.

This wouldn't be

reverse psychology, would it?

Oh.

Ah ah ah.

Ain't smart to hit a lady.

Uh, hey.

Go ahead.

Be my guest.

All the trouble I went to,

it's just wasted on you two.

Well, what're

you waiting for? Do it!

[sobbing]

Oh, please!

Cut me some slack!

You really expect us to fall

for these crocodile tears?

Hmph!

Dames.

Lana, where are you going?

Oh, I just took

a leave of absence.

- What?

- It's okay.

It's only

for a week or two.

Are you alright?

Yeah.

I'm fine.

I just need

to get away for a while.

To Smallville.

Uh, yeah.

Pretty obvious, huh?

- You wanna come with me?

- I-I can't.

They let me go.

I don't understand

why they won't let you.

They would,

but I wanted to wait

and see what happens

with Luthor and Metallo.

It's over. They got away.

Now, it's up to the police.

- Well, Superboy should--

- No, he shouldn't!

It's-it's out of

his hands now, Clark.

I'll-I'll see you later.

If-if you change your mind,

you'll know where I'll be.

Odessa Vexman.

The police think

she may be involved

in getting Luthor

and Metallo out of prison.

I know.

I heard it on the news.

Hell hath no fury.

What does that mean?

"Hell hath no fury

like a woman scorned."

Well, it means--

I know. I was wondering

what it has to do with this.

Remember how Odessa

was working for the guy who was

gonna let that virus loose

a few years back?

Yeah, Superboy stopped him.

But he wouldn't be able to

if Odessa hadn't

switched sides to help him.

I know. She was

acquitted of all charges.

Always wondered,

why she did that.

[chuckling]

Clark, you are

Mattyou don't think that..

Superboy didn't lead her on.

He didn't want her to think--

That doesn't matter.

It's how she felt about

him that's the problem.

But how could

that be his fault?

That doesn't make any sense.

That sort of thing seldom does.

[pleasant music]

[indistinct chatter]

[music continues]

Hello!

- Jim?

- Lana!

What're you doing here?

I-I just took a few weeks off.

It's great to see ya again.

I figured, hell would freeze

over before you'd come back.

Well, you never know.

Um, can I ask you something?

Is that what I think it is?

Yeah, it's a poker parlor.

Isn't that illegal?

Well, you know how bad

the economy's been around here.

Lot of farms were failin'.

Well, this developer

just came into town.

A Mr. Trenton.

Said if we legalize gamblin'

it'd help build the town up.

He just opened this place

and he's got a couple of

others on the edge of town.

He's really turning' the place

around.

He's turning it

into a sewer.

Ha, you sound like

some of the old people.

Lana, this is what

the town wants now.

[expl*si*n]

[dramatic music]

[lady screaming]

[expl*si*n]

- Odessa!

- Superboy, my old friend.

You and I were never friends.

Except when you

needed something from me.

You helped me because

it was the right thing to do.

I helped you because--

Because you wanted

something from me.

Maybe.

But now, there's

only one thing I want.

Hiya, pal!

You and me

got some history, too.

[laughing]

[groans]

[continues laughing]

[groaning]

[whooshing]

Metallo, over here.

Metallo!

Come on, Metallo.

You want me? I'm right here.

Whoa!

[high pitched tone]

[groaning]

Kinda feels like an ice pick

in the ear drum, doesn't it?

But then, I guess

you wouldn't know

what an ice pick in the ear drum

feels like, would you?

It kinda feels like this.

[laughing]

Ah.

You know, I asked myself

"how the devil does he

turn off his super hearing?"

Then I thought,

"Hey, maybe he can't."

So I whipped up this ultra high

frequency tone generator and

you know the beauty of it is, us

mere mortals can't even hear it.

Just you and the dogs.

[laughing]

That was some trip.

Phew!

I bet the balance center

in your inner ear

is going south,

right about now.

[high pitched tone]

[no audio]