04x19 - Obituary for a Superhero

[bunniefuu]

(male narrator) Rocketed from a distant

planet, to a bold new destiny on Earth.

Found by a Kansas family

and raised as Clark Kent.

He learned he possessed

the strength of steel

the speed of light

and the desire

to help all mankind.

He is Superboy!

[music continues]

[expl*si*n]

(male news announcer) The program regularly

scheduled for this time will not be seen

so that we may bring you

this special news report.

(news anchor) Nobody knows who

he was or where he came from.

And in only a few

short years, the name Superboy

has come to symbolize

all that is right in America.

Courage.

Determination.

Resourcefulness.

He was a guardian.

[as*ault g*n f*ring]

An inspiration.

Above all else,

a truly American hero.

[audience applauding]

(Superboy)

Thank you.

I like to think of myself as

a man of action, not of words.

(news anchor) He could

fly, see through solid rock

and even bend steel

with his bare hands.

Because of these gifts

many people actually thought

he was immortal.

But the events

of the last few hours

have proven them

sadly mistaken.

For at this moment, the world

waits in a grim vigil

for the body of Superboy

to be recovered

from the floor

of the icy Atlantic.

I'm Fred Mandel,

and this is Night Time.

I've more after these words.

[news bulletin music]

Hehe was the embodiment

of the heroic myth.

And by that, I mean,

he wasn't just a hero

he was Hero, if you can

understand the distinction.

He was the ultimate

mythic archetype.

The Nietzschean ideal.

He was ubermensch.

He was cute, and he was so cool.

We love you, Superboy.

He's not dead.

He can't be.

But apparently,

Superboy is dead.

[sighs]

The facts are

still sketchy at this hour

but based on eye witness

accounts and government sources

the Night Time staff

has been able to put together

the following chronology.

At 2:10 this afternoon,

the coastguard received

a distress call from a yacht

called the Bohemian Star.

(Fred) According to its captain,

the ship was taking on water

approximately 50 miles

south-east of Capitol City.

The Coast Guard immediately

alerted its nearest cutter

the Sequoia, then,

12 miles north of the scene.

Just as the cutter got within

hailing distance of the yacht

several of the Coast Guard's

men spotted Superboy

landing on the deck

of the yacht.

But thendisaster.

Only seconds later, an enormous

expl*si*n ripped through

the yacht's hull,

sinking it almost instantly.

Superboy was lost

and presumed dead.

We go now

to Captain Harold Nicholson

of the Coast Guard

cutter Sequoia.

- Captain, can you hear me?

- Yes, sir.

We got a bit of a gale

out here, though.

Okay, I'll be brief then.

Uh, captain, has there been

any sign of Superboy yet?

- Any sign at all?

- No, sir.

We've got divers underwater

for the past two hours

but they haven't been able

to see anything.

We're about to deploy a mini sub

equipped with

the new H.D.S. system.

- H.D.S.? I--

- High Definition Sonar.

If there's anything down

there, it should pick it up

with more clarity

than standard sonar.

What about the yacht,

the Bohemian Star?

Any survivors?

We haven't been able

to find any or any bodies.

And this yacht

wasn't the Bohemian Star.

The real Bohemian Star is

in the Indian Ocean right now.

Who is this yacht

registered to, then?

As best as we can tell, no one.

An unregistered yacht,

with no passengers or crew

and then an expl*si*n.

Captain, could this have

been a deliberate attempt

on Superboy's life?

We're investigating that.

What about reports

that traces of kryptonite

were found amid

the debris of the site.

We're trying to verify

that right now.

But, captain, we have

independent reports that seem

to very strongly indicate that--

Sorry, sir. I really can't

get into it now.

Alright, I understand.

We'll be coming back

to you as events dictate.

Right now,

however, we're going

to the Bureau for Extra-Normal

Matters in Capitol City..

where a press conference

is about to begin.

[indistinct chattering]

I have brief statement, then

you can ask whatever you want.

(Fred) This is Matt Ritter. A

senior field agent at the bureau.

Everyone at the bureau

is shocked and saddened

by Superboy's death.

He was a friend

to all of us here.

But his loss will be felt

by the entire world.

(female reporter) Will there

be a statement from Lana Lang?

As soon as she's ready.

(female reporter) What was

your relationship with Superboy?

He was a friend.

Somebody I could

always count on.

And he taught me a lot..

about dedication

and sacrifice.

And something else too.

Most people

only dream about flying.

And I was no exception.

But thanks to him, I got

a chance to experience it.

And I'll never forget it.

- Thank you.

- Mr. Ritter, wait..

[indistinct chattering]

Yes, uh-huh, there's been

a new development.

One of the communication

satellites began to malfunction

about five minutes ago.

There's a scrambled

reference to Superboy.

Source unknown

and then we lost the feed.

Our engineers are trying

to recalibrate the audio

and visual signals right now.

They have? Okay.

We go now

to the satellite feed

with apologies

for the reception.

[buzzing]

[Bizarro grunting]

Him can't be dead.

Apparently, Bizarro has broken

into the communication satellite

and cut into the feed.

Superboy and Bizarro

was best friend.

Who k*lled him?

Who k*lled my friend?

Bizarro, find out.

Then, Bizarro going to..

[grunting]

What we do without Superboy?

Bizarroam sad.

He am my brother.

He is my brother.

[buzzing]

Sentiments of Bizarro.

An imperfect copy of Superboy.

Imperfect in every way,

I guess, except one.

His heart.

And now, the equal-time

doctrine obliges us

to go to Capitol City

State Prison

for an interview

with another person.

Standing by is Mr. Roger Corben,

better known as Metallo.

- Mr. Corben, can you hear me?

- Yeah.

[clearing throat]

- Yeah. Hi, Fred, love the show.

- Thank you very much.

Yeah, I get to see a lot of TV

lately, you know what I mean..

I, I imagine you do.

Now, Mr. Corben, your feelings

for Superboy are obviously

very different from

those of his friends.

Oh, hey, you know,

when I die

those kiss-ups

are probably gonna

say the same things about me.

But the truth of it is, he was

basically just a stiff guy

who didn't know how

to have any fun.

I mean, you know, him and me..

we could've run

this city together.

I mean, hell,

the whole country

buthe didn't have

the guts to do it.

You think it really was

lack of guts, Mr. Corben?

Or was it principle?

Well, you know in my book one's

just an excuse for the other.

Did you have anything

to do with Superboy's death?

Did I have any?

[laughing]

Come on, hey, look at me.

[coughing]

We've just gotten a call

from one of Superboy's

most persistent

adversaries, Lex Luthor.

He's on thehe's

on the line right now.

Hello, Mr. Luthor. Hello?

Are you still there?

(Luthor on telephone)

For the moment.

I know those

busy police operators

are trying to trace this call.

Then why are you

calling at all?

Why, to express my sorrow

and sense of deep personal loss

over the apparent death

of Superboy.

Do I detect a note of sarcasm

in your voice, Mr. Luthor?

Gosh, Fred.

I don't know, do you?

Superboy and I

had our differences

but I never expected it

to end like this.

Oh, of course, not. Did you

have anything to do with it?

[Luthor laughing]

You're awfully blunt,

aren't you?

Occupational hazard.

Well, did you?

Afraid, I'll have to invoke

the Fifth on that one, Freddy.

Okay, let me put it this way.

Are you glad that he's dead?

I don't think

I know that he is dead.

Assuming that he is,

would you be?

Well, let's put it this way,

I'm saving the champagne

till I'm sure.

With all due respect, this

is going nowhere, Mr. Luthor.

If we can, let's switch back

to the Sequoia for an update.

Make it snappy, Fred.

I'm a busy guy.

(Fred) Captain Nicolson, have

there been any developments?

Well, the sonar has spotted

something on the bottom, but--

A body?

It's shaped like one,

but the sonar waves

aren't bouncing off it

like they would off flesh.

More like it's made

out of steel.

Steel?

We're going to try

to haul it up now.

I've gotta go talk

to the divers now.

- So, if you'll excuse me.

- Of course, we'll be back.

- Yo, Fred. Remember me?

- How could I forget?

I suppose you

have a comment. Hello?

[cork popping]

Luthor, are you still there?

What was that?

Oh, I'm still here, alright.

And that was the champagne.

[Luthor laughing]

[dial tone]

We'll be back after

these words from our sponsors.

[news bulletin music]

My relationship with Superboy

was pretty intense.

And he was always arresting me,

putting me in jail

which I certainly didn't enjoy.

I was on a quest for knowledge

and I think Superboy respected

me for that, I really do.

But the fact that I take

pleasure in experimenting

on human beings

really bothered him.

I-I dunno, the last time

I saw him, we parted as friends

you know, and that was cool.

I'd very much like

to conduct some experiments

on Superboy's cadaver.

I'm optimistic that,

that will happen

and I think that's what

Superboy would have wanted.

I really do.

He's not dead.

I know it. He can't be.

To recap, sonar

has located Superboy's body

at the site

of a massive expl*si*n.

Divers are working

to recover it, as we speak.

And it was just confirmed

during the break

that traces of kryptonite

were indeed found at the site.

As we wait for our

next live interview

we're going to look

at footage that was sh*t

a month ago

by a local station.

It is apparentlySuperboy's

last interview.

I think the one thing

everyone's always wanted

to know about you

is, why you do it?

Pardon?

You risk your life this way,

over and over again.

You could be spending

your time making money

running for public office

anything you wanted to do,

but you do this instead.

Is it a sense of duty,

sense of obligation?

No, I don't feel obligated.

Everything I've done it's

because I wanna do it.

When you're brought up,

your parents give you

a sense of right and wrong.

And hopefully

the courage to step in

when things start to go wrong.

That's all I've

ever really done.

But you've made

so many enemies.

I've had to. It goes along

with the territory.

Besides, you think

I'd really want to be friends

with Luthor, Metallo or Chaos?

Well, since you put it that way,

what about the risk?

I mean, your life is

in almost constant jeopardy.

I never really thought about

that. There'd be no point.

I couldn't back away

because of the risk.

It wouldn't be right.

You'll have to excuse me.

Ironic epitaph

for the Boy of Steel.

As of this moment divers work

to recover his body

from the ocean floor.

We now turn to one of Superboy's

closest friends and confidants.

Someone who has shared peril

after peril with him..

until this final one.

Lana Lang.

I know this is

difficult for you

but please, if you would

tell us what you're

feeling right now?

I didn't agree to do this

to tell you what I'm feeling.

I'm doing this to let whoever

is responsible to know

that if it takes my

last breath, I'll make you pay.

I don't know how, but I will.

Uh, could you tell us

what your relationship

was with Superboy, again?

I just don't understand

how someone could do this.

He was so strong and powerful.

But you never felt thaty-you

only felt his gentleness.

Hmm.

Anyone who could have

hurt him is not a human.

It's pretty clear that you felt

very strongly for Superboy.

Would you say those

feelings were mutual?

I don't know.

[giggling]

- I always hoped.

- Hmm.

But he always had so much to do.

He never had time

for a relationship.

Would you have preferred

that he'd not gotten involved

in so much?

That he had taken the time?

- I used, I used to wish that.

- Hmm.

But then I realized that

he wouldn't be who he was.

And I-I wouldn't love him.

Well, then you got just exactly

what you deserved, didn't you?

Luthor? This is unexpected.

Well, the telephone

is so impersonal.

And that photo

you have of me

just the tad unflattering,

don't you think?

(Fred) I wouldn't say that

this was much of an improvement.

And it's not exactly

anonymous, either.

Isn't that the Capitol City

train station behind you.

Oh, gosh. Now that

you mention it

I think you might be right.

Not that it matters.

After all who's gonna

come catch me, Super Corpse?

You are so cold, Luthor.

Cold? I'm just

being objective.

After all, isn't that what

television news is all about?

You did it, didn't you?

Didn't you?

Come now,

my crimson haired gummy bear.

You don't expect me

to just blurt it out, do you?

You are garbage.

[mocking] He was so powerful,

but you only felt the gentleness.

Apparently, they've brought

something up.

We go now to

the Coast Guard cutter Sequoia--

No!

Looks like I better put

another magnum on ice.

Y-you k*lled him!

You keep saying that,

would it make you feel

any better, if I said I did?

No? Well, I can only assume

it'd make you feel worse.

In that case let me

just say unequivocally

yes, I did it.

The old Kryptonite b*mb

routine neatly stored aboard

a radio controlled yacht.

Embarrassingly simple, really.

The only glitch was

having to wait so long

for 'em to recover

the body.

Now, I got the world

on a string.

(Fred) Wait a minute, are you

really saying that you did it?

In front of millions of people,

are you admitting to m*rder?

Why not?

Now that

the Boy of Steel has gone

to that

big junkyard in the sky

there is nothing

and no one to stop me.

[taunting]

We go now to Captain Nicholson

of the Coast Guard

cutter Sequoia.

Captain Nicolson, have you

brought up Superboy's body yet?

- Uh, kind of.

- Kind of?

Well, you see,

High Definition Sonar is still

in the developmental stages

and someday it's going to be

a very effective tool--

But captain, 15 minutes

ago you said

you discovered Superboy's body.

That's not what I said.

I said, we found a human figure

that wasn't flesh.

Right, you said steel.

But who else could it have been?

Well, if your cameraman will

pull back, I'll show you.

Came from an old sailing ship

called Hope Town.

Went down in 1836. It was an

understandable mistake.

A figurehead from an old ship.

But that still leaves a question

open, where is Superboy?

Cat got your tongue, Luthor?

(Superboy) No, I do. Took you

long enough to show yourself.

You thought I was dead? I had

to let everyone think that..

until whoever set

the b*mb stepped forward.

Somehow I wasn't surprised

when it was you.

(Fred) Uh, Superboy, you

weren't affected by the b*mb?

I would have been,

if I'd been aboard

the ship when it went off.

But just before that,

I scanned the hull for leaks

and spotted the b*mb,

so I went out through

the bottom of the ship,

into the water.

And what about

the figurehead?

I saw it underwater,

so I moved it closer

to the wreckage to buy

myself some more time.

Incredible.

Absolutely incredible.

(Luthor)

Luck! Dumb luck!

[choking]

- Oh, Lana, I apologize.

- No, I-I understand.

- No, I shouldn't have.

- It's okay. You had to.

Thanks.

Oh, Lana.

I heard what you said before,

and the feeling is mutual.

Ms. Lang. Ms. Lang.

The interview is not over.

Yes, it is. I have more

important things to do.

But..

Can, uh, can we

go to tape?

We can.

[chuckling]

Alright, then. I'm Fred Mandel

and this is Ben Night Time.

Incredible.

Absolutely incredible.

[news bulletin music]

Told you so.

[theme music]