06x06 - Where the Buffalo Betties Roam

[bunniefuu]

All right, campers,
it's time to do a little house cleaning.

This place just opened,
and it already looks like my dad's garage.

So, pack up
all your old stuff

and we're gonna sell it
at the Dusty Tush farmers' market.

The locals actually
call it a ranchers' market.

Which almost seems
like a sh*t at farmers.

Oh. It's definitely
a sh*t at farmers.

At Dusty Tush, kids sing
Old MacDonald had a ranch.

[GASPS] Blasphemy.

Anyway, if we
make enough money,

we could fix
the plumbing around here.

Y'all could be up
to one hot shower a week.

Don't get spoiled now.

Hey, Lou, can Bill and I
go to the market with you?

We haven't seen the town yet.
Plus, we really think

you could use us
as your social buffers.

Yeah. The only person
you know in town is the Marshal.

And he has a spittoon
with your face on it.

We just don't want this to go the way
Moose Rump went

because those folks
loathed you.

- To put it mildly.
- If that's your mild,

I'd hate to see your spicy.

- And who didn't like me?
- Well, let's see.

There was Barb,
Emmitt, Junkyard Judy,

I've also heard mention
of Paul, Gordon,

the goat that was a mayor,
someone named Zuri.

- And...
- Fine! You can come.

Lou, while you're away,

I'm gonna do some small
little camp projects of my own.

Just spiff up the place.

I don't know, Parker.
You always seem to go

overboard with things.

Remember when I asked you
to trim the hedges

and you manicured them
to look like... butts?

Come on. I worked really hard
on Mount Rumpsmore.

Fine. I'll keep
these projects simple.

Simple and butt less.

[BELL RINGING] ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

Whoa!

Weird looking, mysterious jade clock
with a cryptic riddle.

Oh, well.
Into the junk box you go.

Noah, I was wondering,
could my friend Devin come to visit?

Of course,
friends visit all the time.

Great, because Devon's already
taking a bath in the sink.

He knows
there's a shower, right?

Noah, meet my friend Devon.

Sorry about the wet hair.
He's not company-ready.

You're friends
with a rat?

- You're friends with puppets.
- Uh, colleagues.

Come on.
Devon's a hoot.

Also, there's no space
for him at home anymore.

My mom turned my bedroom
into a weight room

and Devon's a cardio guy.

He doesn't want
to get bulky.

I don't know
how to respond to that,

so I guess the rat stays.

Ooh, I can't wait to see
how much we get for this

broken roller skate.
[CHUCKLES]

This may have been
a bad idea.

How about I go to the general store
and buy you a tablecloth?

It'll help make this look like
you, you know, care.

I'm here for you, Lou.

Whatever you need,
I can price items, list inventory.

Wait. Is that an antique
horseshoe booth?

Take my money.

Remember, the goal
is community outreach

and water without chunks.

Hi, I'm Lou, owner of the new
summer camp in town,

Kikiwaka Ranch.
Ever heard of it?

Cool. Cool.

Oh, I see you're selling
some of your child's finger paintings.

And now I can tell
that you did those

and are quite proud of them.

Yeah, that's fake.

Hey, Parker,
what are you up to?

I'm about to wax
these floors

as one of my camp
beautification projects for Lou.

It'll be so clean,
we'll be able to eat off 'em.

Or we can just
keep using plates.

Lots to ponder.

[MOTOR WHIRRING]

[TURNS OFF]

Man, this thing's way slower
than I thought.

It's gonna take forever.

Hey, I can help you with that.
I love souping up stuff.

If I tweaked the buffer
to give it some more power,

you'd be done in no time.

Mmm. More power
does seem like my brand.

[MOTOR WHIRRING]

Done. That was way faster.
How'd you do that, Winnie?

Well, I borrowed a lot of parts from
some things around camp.

Just between us,
I'd stay away from the jet ski.

Or let's not
keep that between us.

Although,
I have to say,

the floor,
it almost looks a little too...

[THUDS]...clean.

Parker, are you o...

Kay?

PARKER: [GROANS] Been better.

What happened to my sheets?
They're shredded.

[SCREAMS] What is that?

A very cozy Devon
living his best life.

[DEVON SQUEAKING]

And why is he
in my pillowcase?

Where would you
like him to sleep?

On the floor like an animal?

Yes!

There's a hole
in my puppet trunk.

Please tell me those are
chocolate-covered raisins.

Okay? They're
chocolate-covered raisins,

But I wouldn't mix them in
with your popcorn.

Listen, you can't just let Devon
run around the cabin,

all loosey-goosey.
He needs to be in a cage.

A cage?
Devon needs to roam.

Put yourself in his shoes.
What would you think if you were him?

I'd think, "Why am I wearing shoes?
I'm a rat."

I'm sorry, Jake,
but you need to find a way

to keep Devon
away from my stuff.

Now I have to clean
all my puppets,

which is super annoying
because they just got baths yesterday.

My stars.
Isn't she the cutest thing?

I know, Right?
Porcelain vase, porcelain body.

Pretty sure the teeth
are human, though.

- Not the doll, sweetie. You.
- Me?

You think I'm the cutest?

Well, I guess I can skip
my mirror affirmations today.

I'm Rose.
These are my girls, Mavis and Iris.

We're the Buffalo Bettys.
We basically run this town.

It's true. We're the reason
that Dusty Tush has cell service.

Before, you'd have
to climb a hill and shout.

Hard to talk behind
someone's back that way.

Didn't stop us, though.
We're relentless.

Well, nice
to meet you, ladies.

I'm Lou, owner of the new
summer camp in town.

- Oh, we know.
- We know everything.

Okay.

You've got
great items, Lou.

[GASPS] Oh, especially
this fabulous brooch.

Oh. That shouldn't be
in the box.

It's a jade compass,
not a brooch.

Oh, anything can be a brooch
if you wear it well.

- Just ask Iris.
- It's a human finger bone.

- How much?
- Oh, it's not re...

Oh, you aren't gonna say
not for sale, are you?

'Cause that'd be
a terrible mistake.

I'd hate to see a part of you end up
as one of Iris's brooches.

I like jewelry
with a dark past.

But I just can't
sell it to you.

Oh, I see.
You want to give it to me.

[CHUCKLES]
What a doll you are.

Well, let's do
something for you.

Hey, everyone!

Lou over here
has wonderful stuff for sale.

So, come on over.

I said come on over!

See? It's important you stay
on our good side, Lou.

Come on, girls.
Time for Pilates.

Never skip leg day.

Check it out.

I got some old horseshoes

and some new "horse shoes."

Yeah, they were
an impulse buy.

Lou, how'd you get
all this business?

Easy. I met some
very powerful ladies,

and they helped
spread the word.

- That's great.
- Awesome.

Yeah. I also may have
given them the jade compass,

which holds the next clue
to finding the lost Dusty Tush treasure.

Anyway, I love
the tablecloth, Destiny.

It is so pretty.

- What did you just say?
- I said it's a nice tablecloth.

Let's let Destiny
have a win.

What is all of this?

I put up these tubes,
so Devon could roam free

and still be contained
like you wanted.

This isn't what I wanted.

You're like one of those
sneaky genies

who turns people's wishes
against them.

No. You're getting
a little worked up,

and Devon doesn't
appreciate confrontation.

So we're just gonna have
to remove ourselves from this energy.

What?

Look, Buffalo Bettys
up ahead.

I can't believe Jake put that jade compass
in the junk box.

- Really?
- Nah, it tracks.

You have to get
that compass back, Lou.

Without it, this map
to the Dusty Tush treasure is useless.

- Got it.
- Okay. It's show time.

- You think you're ready?
- Of course. What do I look like?

A desperate woman
craving approval?

It was a rhetorical question.

Hey, sugar plum,
come play -card tush.

Ooh, the inner sanctum.

Us Bettys loved this game.

When we're not busy running the town,
we're running this table.

What do you play for?

We play for the most
important thing

the Buffalo Bettys have
in this town, respect.

And I just enjoy
crushing my enemies.

Macaroon?

We'll walk you through the game,
get you up to speed.

Every time you win a hand,
you get a marker.

First person to get
ten markers wins it all.

That would be Rose.
She always wins.

They won't let me
back in Reno.

[CHUCKLES]

So, Rose.

There was something I needed
to talk to you about.

There was something I needed
to talk to you about, too.

I heard your camp is having
plumbing problems.

Ah, not so much problems as boom...
[IMITATES expl*si*n] Ahhh!

Well, don't worry, Lou.
My hubby is the city planner

and I told him
to take care of it ASAP.

That's amazing.

Now the only thing
that will get our kids sick

is the food.

And I've said too much.

Don't mention it.

You're practically
one of us now.

So, what did you want
to talk about, sugar plum?

Uh...

I just wanted to say
how beautiful

Iris's bone brooch is.
Can I get one?

You got it, girl.

Meet you at the graveyard.

Ahem. Lou, a moment.

I'll be right back.
Don't eat all those macaroons, Iris.

[CHUCKLES] I'm just kidding.
You can. You scare me.

What are you doing?

Yeah, ask for the
jade compass already.

It's not that easy.
These ladies can do

a lot for us and the camp.

So, what?
You're never going to ask for it back?

I need that
treasure, Lou.

I went back and bought
four more pairs of human horse shoes.

I'm gonna ask.
I'm just waiting for the perfect time.

I win. Again.

Whoo! Winning just puts me
in such a good mood.

Some other perfect time.

Whoa.

Nothing opens up those nasal passages
like a little manure tour.

It's gonna take forever
to fertilize this big lawn.

Hey, I have an idea.

I don't know, Winnie.
I'm still sore from yesterday's idea.

And I promised Lou
I wouldn't go overboard.

So we won't.

Wink.

See? It's the wink.

It's the wink
that worries me.

Introducing
the one and only

motorized dung diffuser.

Didn't really take into account
the... nose-to-poop proximity,

but I'll give it a whirl.

Awesome. Yo, at this rate,
I'll be done in no time.

I am the "Turdinator!"

[WHIRRING STOPS]

- What's going on?
- Oh, man.

I used a carbon valve
and it's clogged.

- What does that mean?
- It means you should probably

take that thing off before...

It explodes in your face.

Next time, talk faster!

It's in my mouth, Winnie!

Read 'em and weep, ladies.
A royal tush.

I win again.

Man, it feels good
to be the GOAT.

[CHUCKLES] Macaroon me.

Mmm. Well, since you're in
such a good mood,

maybe now would be a good time
to talk about that brooch I gave you.

You mean the thing
I cherish the most in the whole world?

Yeah, that thing.

You see, it's very important
to my two campers.

Guys, get over here.
Look pathetic.

And you see, I really shouldn't have given you
the jade compass.

And I really need to give it back
to my campers.

Why do you want it?
I mean, no offense,

but neither one of you
could pull it off.

First of all,
I absolutely could.

- But it's not a brooch.
- On Rose's lapel it is.

Leave fashion to the experts,
my dear.

You're wearing shoulder pads,
un-ironically.

And that brooch is a clue
to finding the lost treasure

of Dusty Tush.

Oh, treasure?

Oh, you could have
just said your grandma gave it to you.

Rose, [CHUCKLES]

could you just find it
in your heart to give it back?

Ah, I don't know.
I'm very attached to it.

Every time I look

at this brooch,

I'm reminded
of my deep abiding love

of one day
becoming stinking rich.

You could finally
take that trip to Idaho.

I'll play you for it.

You want to play me for it?

[LAUGHS OBNOXIOUSLY]

Mavis and Iris,
start laughing.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

- You're funny.
- No, I'm serious.

If I win, I get the compass.
If you win, you get the map.

That compass is useless
without it.

You really want to do that?

I already have nine markers,
and by my count, you have none.

She's right, Lou.

Guys, trust me.

- I know you got this, Lou.
- Straight tush.

I don't think
you got this, Lou.

Ooh, not so fast.

[GASPS] A full tush.

I thought this was
your first time playing.

Yeah, well,
turns out -card tush

is very similar
to -card rump,

minus the Joker
and Badger cards.

I've spent the last hour
studying your tushes.

Yes, - .

Not sure why
I said it like that.

She's still
very far behind.

Hey, Devon. Got a sec?

We have to find a way
to co-exist as roommates

because we both
care about Jake.

I think. It's hard to read emotion
in your beady little rat eyes

Anyways, I brought
a little peace offering.

I heard you guys love pizza...
and starting plagues.

But I'm not here
to open old wounds.

We don't have sewer water.
I hope tap's okay.

Devon? Devon, come back!

I'm sorry about the
passive-aggressive plague comment!

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

I combined an air compressor
with an old AC unit

to create
a super-charged vacuum.

This baby will suck up ashes
faster than you can say,

"Where are you going with
my air compressor, Winnie?

That's not a toy."

Winnie, I would rather not.

Oh, stop being
such a negative Nancy.

Hey, I will have you know,
I have a great-aunt named Nancy,

and she is one upbeat lady.

Then call her and tell her
you love her

'cause this is going down

in three, two... Stop!

No more tweaking.
No more souping up.

All I wanted to do today
was make camp a little nicer for Lou.

But instead I got a butt full of floor
and a face full of poo.

Can we please just leave

the -foot vacuum
out of this?

You're right.
It was a dumb idea to think

I could ever help you
in the first place.

[SIGHS] Winnie, I...

[SIGHS]

I could sure use a pep talk
from Aunt Nancy right now.

Hey.

Where do you think
you're going?

To see Devon.

You can't! Because, uh,

Devon is changing.

I'll go and see
if he's decent.

Thanks.

Wait a second,

Devon isn't changing.

I already put him
in his evening look.

Shh. He's sleeping.

Aw. Too cute!

Wait,

why does Devon's fur
look fake?

And why are his eyes
drawn on?

And why is he
a rat puppet?

I'm sorry, Jake.
I was trying to fix this

before you showed up.

Devon kind of escaped
from the cabin.

What? How?

Impromptu pizza party
gone wrong.

I bet you lost him on purpose.

Admit it,
you never really liked him.

Of course I didn't.

You let Devon do whatever
he wanted

and didn't care
how it affected me.

Also, he's a rat.

Well, I hoped you guys
would be best friends.

Now I'm sorry I ever let him
use your toothbrush.

You let him
use my toothbrush?

Yeah.

Not for what you think.

[SHOUTING] Then why?

I don't have time for this.

We have to find my boy.

Okay, but then
we're circling back

to the toothbrush thing.

[RATTLING]

Oh!

[WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING]

All tied up.

Next hand wins.

Are you sweating yet, Rose?

I don't sweat, Lou.

Mavis sweats for me.

Mavis, sweat

On it.

A royal tush.

You won't b*at that.

Lou, you won!

I knew you could do it.

I had no faith.

Way to surprise me, Lou.

Oh, a royal tush?

Mm, well.

There's only one hand
in the game

that can b*at that,

a regal tush. I won.

Idaho, here you come.

That's not possible,

all the wild cards
have already been played.

Give me that map.

She had extra wild cards
up her sleeve!

Rose, you cheated?

Big deal. That's not
your real hair color.

None of our hands are clean.

It's true.

I've done things.

Well, well, well.

Turns out the leader
of the Buffalo Bettys

is a fraud.

I can't wait to tell everyone

in Dusty Tush.

I'll be ruined.

No one will respect me.

Let that be
a lesson to you.

You don't hassle
the hawk... Houser.

I'm gonna work on it,
but you still shouldn't mess with her.

Here's how things
are gonna go,

we are gonna keep the map.

You are gonna give us back
the compass,

you're definitely taking care
of our plumbing,

and we're gonna let
the Buffalo Bettys

keep their upstanding
image in this town.

Do we have a deal,
sugar plum?

All right, deal.

You might be
Buffalo Betty material after all.

Oh, my gosh! Really?

Okay, time to go.

Sorry, for going
overboard, again.

I'm more worried about
why you keep feeling

the need to go overboard.

Is everything okay?

Earlier, I got a call
from my parents.

They were bragging
about my sister

winning another state
spelling bee.

Look, I get it.

I got a super
impressive sister, too.

She just won a hot dog
eating contest

and a marathon
on the same day.

I wanted to make
my parents proud too,

but I'm not good at school
like my sister is.

I thought I was good
at mechanical stuff,

but maybe I'm not good
at that either.

Maybe I'm not good
at anything.

Winnie, you're so good
at stuff.

You're fun and brave,

and every time you walk
into a room you light it up.

Sometimes with actual fire,
but still.

And you're creative too.

I mean,
who else could've come up

with all those crazy,
cool inventions?

Yeah, but those aren't things
that count,

like an A, or making
the Dean's list.

I've made a few lists,

but they were kind of
a "most wanted" situation.

Well, those things
count to me.

And they count to other people, too,
I promise.

You don't have to try
to make your parents proud of you.

I know that
they already are.

How do you know?

Because I'm proud of you.

Thanks, Parker.

[CHUCKLES]

[THUDS]

Floor's still
a little slippery.

Don't worry, Jake.
We'll find Devon.

No, we won't.

He's gone,
gone forever.

I'll never see
my sweet Devon again.

Oh, there he is.

[SQUEAKS]

Devon, you came back!

Shh.

He can be
a little jumpy,

so we should split up

and approach him
from different directions.

Right. We go commando.

Oh, no.
Not what you're thinking.

[SQUEAKING]

[IN SLOW MOTION] No!

[IN SLOW MOTION]
I'll save him!

[SUCKING]

Devon!

Please take your rat.

He just left a lot of chocolate-covered
raisins in my hand.

Noah, you saved him!

You're a great roommate.

Devon and I
should be the same.

I could've thought
about your feelings more

before springing
Devon on you.

It's okay.

Maybe I could've been
more welcoming.

So he can stay?

Not a chance.

Well, can I at least
help you out of there?

Please, don't.

I don't know how far down
the tube my pants are.