06x14 - Wild West Side Story

[bunniefuu]

Destiny, can you pass the...

[YAWNS]

Sorry, you was talking?

You seem a little tired, Winnie.

Actually, you've been sleepy a lot lately.

Been there.

If I don't get a solid hours,
my brain does not work right.

How many hours did you sleep last night?

Ugh... I don't know. I was asleep.

This lady.

All-righty.

But, seriously Winnie, what's up?

I just haven't been sleeping well.

-How come?
-Reasons.

-What reasons?
-Good reasons.

-Winnie, spell it.
-You were snoring, okay?!

[SCOFFS] I beg your pardon? I don't snore.

I've been invited to all
the best slumber parties,

and no one has ever mentioned
anything about me snoring.

Aww, that's sweet.

But they're being nice. You snore. Hard.

I do not.

Destiny, don't be embarrassed.

So what if you have loud boogers?

I have perfect boogers.

And I don't store.

Then you'd have no problem with me
setting my phone to record audio tonight.

-What?
-Since you have perfect boogers and all.

Sure. Go ahead and record
me. I have nothing to hide.

But if I say anything about Harry
styles in my sleep, it's off the record!

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING-♫]

[ALL:] ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

Parker, there you are.

Let's talk about your new
list of activities you gave me.

Lou, if this is about porcupine tag...

...that's fair.

[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING-♫]

♫

♫- ♫

♫- ♫ ♫- ♫

♫- ♫ ♫- ♫ ♫- ♫

♫- ♫ ♫- ♫ ♫- ♫ ♫- ♫

♫- ♫ ♫- ♫ ♫- ♫ ♫- ♫ ♫- ♫

What's going on here?

It appears some strangers are dancing at us.

♫

[ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

Hey, neighbors.

We just wanted to stop by and say...

That's dance for, "hello."

Oh, well, hello back at ya.

I'm Lou. This is Parker and that...

...was a whole lot of leg stuff.

I'm Victoria Vance.

I just start a brand new dance camp nearby.

The Victoria Vance Dance camp.

Where we invite everyone to
come shake their dusty tush.

Which is just an expression.

Please shower your tush before you come visit.

It's so refreshing to meet a fellow camp director

who's actually warm and welcoming.

Well, I'm all about lending a helping jazz hand.

Oh, I know what those are.

You know, I always teach my
students to dance like no one's watching,

and you... are... nailing it.

You here that, Parker?
She says, "I'm nailing it."

You're not the only dancer around here.

[CHUCKLES] I have tapes.

I'd love to see them someday.

But in the meantime,

if you need anything, we're
just a moonwalk down the road!

[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING-♫] Moonwalk!

♫

-Where's that music coming from?
-I don't know. -♫-

But I like it.
♫

♫

[STOMACH GROWLING]

Uh, Bill.

It sounds like there's a small creature

fighting to get out of your stomach,

and I do not want to meet him.

I'm sorry. I didn't eat lunch.

Food at this camp is terrible.

Yeah, but it doesn't stay
inside you for very long.

So, that's a plus.

Hey, I know.

What if we head out to the dock
and catch some fresh fish to eat?

I'll pass.

The only kind of fishing I like
to do is fishing for compliments.

Seriously, you haven't
said anything about my outfit.

Come on, let me teach you how to fish.

I don't know. Maybe we'll get
lucky and dinner will be good tonight.

We're having something called a spree of grey.

Fishing it is.

You won't believe what I found in the outhouse.

Jake, so help me. I cannot start
another conversation like this.

A flyer to join the Victoria Vance dance camp?

There's a whole stack of these in there.

I cannot believe Victoria's
trying to steal my campers.

She has some nerve!

Coming over here doing here, doing her
little dance, saying she wants to be friends.

Her hips do lie!

We have to let her know
that we won't stand for this.

Exactly. And I think you
should be the one to tell her.

Because you both speak the language of dance.

Fine. I'll go.

And as a speaker of dance, this...

...means, "Sorry."

"These eggs are undercooked."

Obviously.

No offense, Bill.

But so far I see very little difference

between fishing and not fishing.

Be patient.

In order to catch a fish, you
have to be deliberate and precise.

As what? We haven't moved in two hours!

Fortunately, I came prepared for this downtime.

A sock puppet?

Nothing makes time fly like a
sock puppet doing Shakespeare.

-Really?
-Yeah.

You do not want to be on a road trip with me.

[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] "Sigh, no more, guppies."

"Sigh, No more." "One foot
in sea and one on shore."

What?

Look at me. I fished.

I assure you, you did not fish.

It's just a weird, freak thing happened.

Still counts. I'mma fish catcher guy.

-Fisherman!
-Whatever.

[SIGHS IN RELIEF] What a
beautiful morning. I feel so refreshed.

[YELLS] Ahhh!

You were snoring again.

-I highly doubt that.
-Oh, really?

I have the receipts.

[SNORING PLAYED ON TAPE]

See? There's nothing.

Wait for it.

[SNORING IN HIGH PITCHED VOICE]

What? That can't be me.

Well, sure isn't Harry Styles.

Ava used to snore all the time
and I used to make fun of her for

[GASPS]

I've completely lost the
right to my air of superiority!

Who am I now?

Hey, everyone! Sign your kids up for my new camp!

They'll be able to do this.

Actually, they'll never be able to do that.

I have percent fewer
bones than the average human.

Hey, neighbor, what brings you to town?

This.

Are you trying to steal our campers?

Yes, but I have a good reason.

You see

I don't have a lot of campers,
and I need more campers.

That's not a good reason.

And you're not going to take any of our kids.

You're right.

I need a better deal.

Special price for all new sign
ups who come from another camp!

Traitors eat free.

Listen, Kikiwakin's don't
need to go to a dance camp.

They have the greatest
dancer in the world already.

Shakira teaches at Kikiwaka?

[GASPS]

No, I meant...

Me.

[CHUCKLES] Wait.

Are you saying that you're
a better dancer than I am?

[CHUCKLES] Like, duh?

Everyone says I'm really good.

Well, I'm not just really good.

I'm 'Spectacular'.

Well, then maybe, we should dance battle it up?

Oh!

Someone's putting their
foot where their mouth is.

Which is something I can do by the way.

Uh-oh.

Limber up, buttercup.

You're going down.

Okay.

Just remember, you asked for this.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

[VANCE:] Okay...

Oh, what?

Hey!

Aww!

I remember learning those moves in the womb.

[LAUGHS]

[DANCE MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

[SCREAMS]

That first part was just a warm up.

Now I'll bring the thunder!

Hey, I get it.

[ALL CHEERING]

Thank you! Thank you.

Let me know if you want to enroll at my camp.

You got potential.

She's a better dancer than me.

I think I love her.

Destiny, what are you doing?

I'm giving up my comfort for you.

I'm going to sleep in this
wagon for the rest of the summer.

Don't you worry.

At least you're not being dramatic about it.

You need your rest.

So I'm going to live in this thing
like a rugged pioneer woman!

Now, where's the outlet for my humidifier?

I have a better idea.

Why don't I just get us one of those

ambient noise machines for the cabin?

It'll will drown out your snoring.

I'm not sure that'll work.

[SQUIRREL SQUEAKING]

But I can see now there's an
angry squirrel already living in here,

so let's give it a whirl.

[SQUIRREL SQUEAKING]
I'm going, I'm going!

Parker Preston Vance or Parker Vance Preston?

Oh, we'll land on something
before the invitations go out.

Parker, you're back. Did you see Victoria?

Did I ever? I mean, yes.

I saw her. Two arms, two
legs, no bones, nothing special.

Did you stand up to her and tell her
she can't be stealing our campers?

Yep, and I was very stern.

But then I got crushed in a dance battle

and openly wept as I walked out of town.

We need to find something
we can use against Victoria.

Everyone has secrets.

Yeah, If she wants a w*r, we'll give her a w*r.

Or how about we hash this out over,

I don't know? A moonlit dinner.

Just spitballing.

Lou! Let me take her down.

It makes sense since I'm the best dancer at camp.

You sure are, buddy.

And no one can ever take that away from you.

But Parker already started this mission.

So I'm gonna give him another
sh*t to finish it. Destroy her.

You got it, Boss. Parker
Preston Vance won't let you down.

-What?
-Nothing. Bye!

This isn't about dinner anymore.

I want to show you the right way to fish.

Big words coming from a guy whose
only catch yesterday was an old boot.

Hey, that boot looks great mounted above my bed.

And you can't count on a confused fish

just jumping into your lap again.

I can't.

But 'King Lear' can.

Noah, if that nonsense
works again, I will eat my hat.

[HIGH-PITCHED] "We that are
young shall never see so much.

Nor fish so long.

The Prince of Darkness is a gentle fish."

You want some hot sauce with this?

[ANIMAL NOISES PLAYING]

This she can sleep through.

Okay. She's gonna be here any minute.

You just got to get some dirt on her.

Stay strong, Park dog.

Oh, hey!

So glad you could make it.

You're blowing it, Park dog!

I'm surprised you wanted me to come
back after what I did in your outhouse.

Which, to be clear, was drop off flyers.

I figured since we're going
to be neighbors and all,

we should do the usual get to know you stuff.

You know, favorite food, dance,
past crimes we've committed.

Okay. Well, my favorite dance is the waltz.

I love the waltz.

-You can waltz?
-Um, yeah, I'm super fancy.

[HUMMING-♪]

Okay, Not like that; 'Noodle arms'.

Here, let me show you.

[WALTZ MUSIC PLAYING-♫]

Wait, you and me dancing? Holding hands?

No, I don't think that's a good idea.
Let's get back to the skeletons in the closet.

Hush! Let your feet do the talking.

[IN SING-SONG VOICE]
, , - , ,

Eyes up!

Long arms.

Don't chuckle.

I said, eyes up! This dance is romantic!

Yes, ma'am.

Not bad at all.

Well, it takes two to tango.

Don't ruin it.

Victoria. I don't want to be enemies with you.

I want to be the opposite of enemies with you.

But you need to stop stealing our campers.

I wish I could, but you know what they say.

"Bad camp owners copy,"

"good camp owners steal."

And I have to make this work.

It's my dream.

Lift me!

Anyway,

I should probably get back to my camp.

Yeah, same with me.

I mean, I'm at my camp, but if I
wasn't, I'd have to get back like you.

I meant the same as you. Not I like you.

I wish I could put my foot in my mouth.

[CHUCKLES]

Uh, bye.

[MOCKING] -Ooh!
-Lou!

Looks like you're getting
pretty close to the enemy.

If I didn't know any better, I'd
think you have feelings for Victoria.

[SCOFFS] What?

Oh, my gosh; you do.

Of course, I do!

She smells like lilacs and
dances like the wind! I'm so weak!

Look, as beautiful as your children would be,

my spy has been compromised!

Stand down, soldier!

I did it!

Oh, wow. Look at this totally normal thing.

Jake, what's going on?

Just in case Parker failed again.

This was my...

...backup plan.

I infiltrated Victoria's camp

by pretending that I was defecting

from Kikiwaka ranch.

Now that's how you do espionage.

Way to go, Jake. Did you find anything out?

Oh, yeah, and it's enough to shut down her camp.

But if that's true, that'll destroy her.

That's the point. Victoria's
the one who started this rivalry.

Now the question is,

are you gonna do what's right for the camp

or are you gonna let your
feelings for her get in the way?

Of course I'm gonna do what's best for Kikiwaka.

Great, then it's settled.

Cool.

Now, if we're done here, I'm gonna
go slip into something less fabulous.

Bill, what's wrong?

Uh, did your fishing line snap again?

Because you would not have
that problem fishing with...

'Mark Antelope'.

That's just it.

I was hoping to share my
appreciation for fishing with you,

but it's clear I didn't.

What are you talking about?

-You did an amazing job.
-I did?

I'm out here on a dock, excited to fish.

I thought I hated fishing, but...

I've had so much fun hanging out with you.

I had fun hanging out with you, too.

Exactly. So, what if I fish a
little bit differently than you?

It works.

Can I ask you a question?

-Of course.
-How does it work?

It's completely bonkers.

This is making me question
everything I know about trout!

Maybe if you try it
yourself, you'll figure it out.

No, thank you.

Come on. You know you're curious.

Okay.

Here fishy, fishy, fishy.

You've got to commit. Try, uh...

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your gills.

But be sure to do it in a puppet
voice. Otherwise, you look silly.

Okay; Here it goes.

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your gills!

-It worked! I did it!
-You sure did.

Your delivery was a little stiff,

but that bad boy will still pair
very nicely with a herb aioli.

Sorry, Mark.

[YAWNS]

Okay, today, we're going to make sure
you're all aware of what's inside of first...

[YAWNS]

aid kit.

Go safety!

-Maybe you should take a nap.
-Uh, I'll be fine.

Now, remember, the most
important thing in an emergency

is to never

ever...

ever...

What? You're asleep.

Uh, maybe we just need some music to
keep this lesson upbeat and conscious.

[DESTINY SNORING IN RECORDING]

Oopsies.

Turn it off! I can't. It's frozen.

[ALL LAUGHING]

That is so weird. I don't even
know who's snoring that is.

[WINNIE:] Destiny, this is you snoring.

[WINNIE:] Now, you have proof
that you, Destiny Baker, do snore .

[ALL LAUGHING]

Uh, okay.

So, I had one bad night.

[WINNIE:] Now, you know what you do every night.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Mute, dang it! Mute!

[SOUND STOPS]

It's okay. It's not like my
phone needed a screen.

Well, I had a good run.

Winnie, bill me for the phone.

I'll see you next summer, everyone.

Hey, listen up, you guys, leave her alone.

Sometimes all of our bodies do weird things.

I once burped so loud during choir
concert that girl fell at the top riser.

Seriously?

Don't worry. It's not like
she had a solo or anything.

So, everyone just needs to lay off.

-Thank you, Winnie.
-You're welcome.

'Cause who cares if Destiny snores like
a giant chipmunk with a sinus infection?

Okay, thank you, Winnie.

So, what are we going to
do about the snoring problem?

We can't spend the whole summer
with only one of us getting any sleep.

Hmm.

Challenge accepted.

That's a great idea!

Isn't this a great idea?

Victoria.

[TEXAS HOLDUP MUSIC PLAYING]

[WIND BLOWING SOUND]

Well, that was ominous.

I'm here to shut down your camp.

Nice try, but you're the one that has to go.

Jake, please show everyone
what you found at Victoria's camp.

Behold!

A gross looking bug?

Oh, boy. I should have reviewed this.

This is not just any gross looking bug.

It's the most endangered gross
looking bug in all of Wyoming,

and I found colonies of them
all around your camp, Victoria.

If that is your real name.

Oh, I had no idea.

It doesn't matter if you knew or not.

When the Council finds out about your camp,

they're gonna shut it down
and turn it into a nature preserve.

I guess that's it.

-My dream's over.
-What do you mean?

Growing up in Dusty Tush,
there were no dance classes here.

So, I just wanted to open up a place

to give kids the opportunities that I never had.

Well, that's really sweet but you
shouldn't have tried to steal our campers.

I'm sorry. I know I... I went too far.

I just didn't realize that starting
a new camp would be so hard.

Ugh, tell me about it.

Try doing it with this goober as your number two.

I don't know.

He's not so bad.

You hear that? She thinks I'm not so bad.

Seriously, raise your standards, King.

I guess you win.

You don't have to worry
about me or my camp anymore.

Teach dance at Kikiwaka.

What?

You said you wanted a
place to teach kids to dance.

We have a camp with kids.

We... are a match made in heaven.

It's a match made in heaven.

Why do I keep doing that?

I don't think Lou would let me
teach at her camp after what I did.

And I can't say that I blame you.

Actually, I think it's a great idea.

Maybe you're not the evil
rival I thought you were.

Your heart's in the right place and...

that's exactly the kind of
person I want to hire at Kikiwaka.

Victoria, combined, you and I could
create an amazing dance program.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Sorry, you, Jake and I.

So, what do you say?

Will you make me the happiest
activities director in the world?

[VICTORIA:] I do.

I mean, I accept.

Thanks, Parker.

I guess we'll be seeing a lot more of each other.

That's funny, the thought never crossed my mind.

It crossed my mind a lot.

[SNORING]

[MONKEYS SCREECHING]

Yeah. I'm gonna need to find another cabin.