06x22 - Model Citizen

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Bill.

Do you want to go into town
and get ice cream today?

Sure. Why do I get ice cream?

Because you're Coyote Campus camper of the week.

Spoiler alert, next week is Jake.

Unless he uses my toothbrush again,

in which case it's back to you.

Wait, is this something every cabin does?

Because if so, Destiny
owes me a lot of ice cream.

Guess who's got two flags

and is going to be a dual citizen? This guy.

Ow.

That's great, Parker.

When you're done, can I
have the super sharp flags?

I'm sure I'm gonna regret this. But have at it!

Anyway, I got my citizenship test later today

and I've been studying all week.

So what made you decide to
go from being Canadian to...

'AmeriCanadian'?

Well, I found so many friends and
opportunities here, especially at Kikiwaka.

I love this country, too.
And frankly, I'm a value add.

Plus you have a overwhelming and
unearned sense of self-confidence.

You're already one of us.

I know all about the US.

Apple pies, spray cheese,
spray cheese on apple pie.

Asking how are you, and then
walking away before you get an answer.

Sounds like you're ready for this test.

I think so.

But hey, are you free today?

Sure. I wasn't planning on building a rocket

loading it with... and launching it into space.

What? I said I wasn't.

Great. I could use your help.

-Do you think you could quiz me?
-Definitely.

Ooh, can I poke you with these
flags when you get the answers wrong?

Maybe we bring in Lou for backup.

And please don't tell her
that I gave you those flags.

Man, I can't wait to be an official American,

and eating bacon wrapped
fried hot dogs with fries.

Fried stuff wrapped in fried stuff.

It doesn't get more American than that.

♫

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♫

♫

After you tie the shirt with rubber bands,

just apply whatever color dyes you want

and let it sit for a few hours.

I've heard of this...

where you tie things and dye things.

What's it called again?

-Tie-dyeing?
-Nah, that's not right.

Anyway, this is also an easy, fashion
forward way to help the environment.

Instead of throwing out stained clothes,

you can dye them different colors.

Once the dye has set,

rinse the shirt and water let it dry,

and ta-da!

Jake's crusty old gaming shirt is
now a gorgeous rainbow expl*si*n.

I can't even see the guacamole stains

with all those pretty splotchy swirls.

Hey, that's what this is called.

Splotchy swirling.

Mind like a steel taco.

[BANGING ON WALL]

Rose, what are you doing?

These are the flyers for my
annual fashion show today.

And before you make a fuss, I
have Lou's permission to be here.

In exchange, I promised
to be nice to her for a week.

[CHUCKLES]

She didn't specify what year, though.

I love this look, Destiny.

It makes me feel like I
barfed a beautiful rainbow.

Despite that, it is a great shirt.

Where'd you get it, Sugar Plum?

I made it myself.

Wow. You should enter it in the show.

All the designers are
allowed to submit one outfit

to compete for a chance to have a clothing line

sold in my boutique.

Well, I have always dreamed

of having my own sustainable fashion line.

Plus, I was supposed
to... the kickball field today;

So I'm in!

Excellent. I can't wait to see
more of your splotchy swirls

at my show.
[CHUCKLES]

See.

'Steel taco'.

I'm so excited.

Any chance you would
model my outfit on the runway?

Really? Me?

Wow. That would be awesome.

Yeah, your whole vibe just screams, "Tie-dye."

What?

Splotchy swirls.

Oh. Yeah, totally.

[♫]

Welcome to Cold Tush Creamery,

where the only thing sweeter than the ice cream

is our smiles.

And the only thing colder, is our hearts.

Also, we have sprinkles.

Noah, this is Mavis and
Iris, two of the Buffalo Betties.

They once tried to swindle us
out of the Dusty Tush treasure.

Iris, I never took you for the kind of person

to run an ice cream shop.

When you know a person's
favorite ice cream flavor,

you know their true dark soul.

Okay.

Iris, remember, we don't
scare away the customers.

So, what can I get you two sweethearts?

One scoop of vanilla in a cone please, ma'am.

Really? But they have tons of different flavors.

I always get vanilla. It's my favorite.

Don't you want to step outside your comfort zone

and try something new?

But my comfort zone is so... comfortable.

At least sample a few flavors.

Who knows? You might
walk out with a new favorite.

Assuming you get out.

Because the door handle's been jiggly.

Fine. I guess I'll have one sample.

Would you like to try mint chocolate chip

because you're a fun loving,
free spirit on a rocky road,

because you have a deep
seeded hatred for your parents.

Come on, kid. Let's unpack some stuff.

How about Strawberry? For no reason at all.

Sure. I'll try strawberry, please.

Woo-hoo. This is actually really good.

Can I try more flavors, please?

That's the spirit, Bill.

And maybe for dinner, we can get you

to try something other than beans.

Don't push it. You're right.
Let's crawl before we walk.

[♫]

Okay, I printed out some sample
questions to quiz you for your citizenship test.

"Diagram for a less explode-y manure rocket."

Winnie, did you leave this in the printer?

Hey, it says, "Less explode-y."
What more do you want from me?

All right, I'm ready. Quiz me.

First question. What are the
three branches of government?

Oh, I know this. I definitely know this.

I swear I know this.

Yeah, I don't know this.

-Parker, I thought you said you've been studying.
-I have been, constantly,

but for some reason, my
mind just went totally blank.

Well, maybe you're nervous. Did
you ever have test anxiety at school?

Never.

Oh, but the guy I paid to take my tests, he did.

Rich people.

I passed my test the way you're supposed to,

by copying off the smart kids.

Parker, becoming a citizen is a big deal.

It makes sense that you're a little tense.

I've got a great idea that'll help.

Oh, is it paying a guy to take the test for me,

because I think I still have Jared's number.

Or we just do your thing and
we don't commit a federal crime.

Hey, Jake.

What's going on with... this?

Now that you chose me to be your model,

I have to protect my skin from the sun.

And that hat was the best and only choice?

You just keep up the great designs,

and I'll make sure I'm in primo condition.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna go get one of
those manatees for my hands.

I think you mean manicure.

Oh, Destiny.

A manicure is a sea creature.

Strutting away now.

What's wrong with him?

He's actually practicing his runway walk

for the fashion show.
-What?

Kids aren't allowed to be models in my show.

-They aren't?
-Absolutely not.

-But I promised Jake.
-Too bad.

I want you to wear your design.

It's never too late in
life to start a new career.

Wait. How old do you think I am?

Hmm? ?

Anyone born after the
Internet is a mystery to me.

Wait.

How old are you?

Uh, never ask a woman her age, Rose!

And yes, I am a woman.

A grown adult woman.

Taxes? Am I right?

How's flavor number ten hitting you?

Hmm.

It's good, but... it's a
little too peanut buttery.

Oh, my! What a surprise from
a flavor called peanut butter.

Say the word and he goes in the box.

Look, every flavor's not going to be
a winner. We'll just keep sampling.

-Oh, actually, you hit your free sample cup limit.
-There's a limit?

There is now.

If you want to keep trying
flavors, you'll have to buy scoops.

Or we could work out a trade.

How do we feel about

Shakespeare in the ice cream parlor?

We feel better about money.

You don't have to do that, Noah.

I can just give vanilla.
-No.

You're on a journey to
expand your ice cream horizons,

and we're not gonna rest
until you reach that pot of gold

at the end of the rainbow sherbet.

Okay, then, I'll keep going.

But just so you know, that was only a metaphor.

Sherbet is garbage.

Jake, we've been over this.

That's just your reflection in
the window, not multiverse Jake.

No, I was just practicing my
looks for the fashion show.

And for the last time,

multiverse Jake lives in my oatmeal spoon.

Actually, about the fashion
show, the lame, boring,

waste of an afternoon fashion show.

Are you kidding? I'm super excited to be in it.

But, I just feel awful that you're gonna
have to spend the whole day away from camp.

I heard Ox cabin is going to play Pickleball.

Ooh. Now imagine telling multiverse
Jake about that at breakfast.

Destiny, I have the whole summer
to finally figure out what Pickleball is.

This fashion show is the most
important thing in the world to me.

-Jake, I need to tell you something.
-Ooh. Me first.

I just want to say, this
is the first time in my life

that anyone's ever singled me out for something.

You've really made me feel
special, and I will not let you down.

-Anyway, what were you gonna say?
-Uh...

I was going to tell you that...

Pickleball is just weird tennis... Bye.

But for the last time, is
it played with a pickle?

Whenever I had to learn a bunch
of information for a test in school,

it always helped to have fun visual aids.

Oh, like whiteboard or video clips.

No, like raw potatoes dressed
as the Founding Fathers.

That's not where I thought this was going.

Now, this potato is the father
of our country. Who is he?

Okay, I know this, I know this.

The father of our country is,
uh, George Oregon. No... Papa America.

Wait. Tom Hanks?

The father of our country is George Washington.

Tom Hanks is America's dad. You should know this.

You're right. I'm sorry.

This potato wrote the Declaration
of Independence, who is he?

Uh, I don't know. They look exactly the same.

Uh, because they're both wearing powdered wigs.

No, because they're both potatoes.

-It's Thomas Jefferson.
-Oh, I see it now.

-Really?
-No, it's a potato!

All right, Lou, that's
enough. I'll take it from here.

Are you ready to try something new, Parker?

Yes, but I am getting a little hungry,

so I'm just going to pop TJ into
the microwave for a few minutes

and I'll be right with you folks.

That was Dame Judi Dench.

So, Bill; is this a winner?

Oh, yeah, it's fantastic.

-Great. Let's put a ring on it.
-But is it the one?

Never mind, still playing the field.

Look, I know I started this journey,
but we've been here for hours,

and there are other customers waiting their turn.

Maybe it's time to make a decision.

But I still haven't tasted the last flavors.

I'd like strawberry, but is that who I am?

Or am I Rocky Road?

Pralines and cream, am I that fancy?

I've never dealt with this
much uncertainty before.

I don't know who I am. Who am I?

You're scaring away our customers.

I'd give notes, but you're a natural.

You know what? I've wasted enough for your time.

I don't feel like getting ice cream anymore.

Let's just go back to camp.

No.

Mavis, Iris,

We have flavors to go.

Noah, what are you doing?

We're not leaving here until we figure
out what kind of ice cream guy you are.

Because if there's one thing I love,

is centering myself in
someone else's emotional crisis.

Line them up.

Do you know what Winnie has in store for me?

I don't know. All she said was that she
would drill the answers into your head.

You don't think she'll
use an actual drill, do you?

I wish I could give you a hard no.

-Hey, guys.
-Please don't hurt me.

Parker, the only thing that
helps me pass a test is music.

I study by writing songs about
the stuff I have to memorize.

So I wrote a few for you.

Winnie, that's a great idea.

This first song is about Congress.

Awesome. Hey, what's Congress again?

Please start singing.

♫

♪ The Senate keeps a ♪

♪ Two from every state ♪

♪ Capitol Hill is awesome ♪

♪ It's where they congregate ♪

♪ Representatives there, representatives here ♪

♪ We elect representatives every other year ♪

♪ How many representatives you must be musing ♪

♪ At the present population ♪

♪ Which makes it more confusing ♪

♪ Congress! ♪

That was great. It has a real Hamilton vibe.

[GASPS] We should re-enact it with potatoes.

I'll get Alexander Hamilton.

No more potatoes!

Now, Parker; How many
senators does each state get?

Uh, eleven... ty.

How do you feel about that answer?

I'm sorry. I just can't focus.

Your song was fantastic, but
maybe I'm just not a guitar guy.

Do you play anything else?

Well, there is one other instrument.

It's a little weird.

Oh, come on. Please, I'm desperate.

[MACHINE BUZZING] ♪ How many
representatives you must be musing ♪

♪ It depends on population ♪

♪ Which makes it more confusing ♪

Yeah, this is definitely
more distracting than guitar.

Shh, I'm mesmerized.

♪ Congressa!

Parker, how many senators does each state get?

Uh, I don't know,

but now I'm pretty sure this cabin is haunted.

Parker, seriously?

I'm sorry.

I don't know why I can't remember this stuff.

I'm never gonna become an American citizen.

Tom Hanks is gonna be so disappointed in me.

I bet Tom would understand.

He's that kind of guy.

I'm so excited.

My first fashion show.

This is what I was born to do.

Model in Wyoming.

Uh, do you mind hanging out here for a minute?

I need to talk to Rose.

No worries. I still have to do
some serious facial stretching.

Mm. Ee.

Ah!

-Okay.
-Mm. Ee. Ah!

Hey. There's my little Miss Splotchy swirl.

You should go backstage with the other models.

The show's about to start as soon
as everyone's done grabbing food.

Well, nothing says high fashion like...

all you can eat hot dogs.

Hey! You better not polish off the relish, North.

I had that sent in special from Cheyenne.

Don't make me come over there.
I will scoop it right off your dog.

You know I will.

Listen, Rose, I was hoping you would reconsider

letting Jake model my design.

He really has his heart set on_

Let me stop you right there.

It's not going to happen. I
don't want kids in my show.

They're too unpredictable.

Like thunderstorms, or those
wavy guys in front of car dealerships.

Jake won't embarrass you or your show.

He's really into this. He got
a manatee and everything.

Destiny, I have high hopes for your design,

I even made you the finale.

But if you're not the model,
you can forget about your clothes

ever being in my show or my shop.

I don't get to be a model,

and they're out of relish?

What a day!

[♫]

Our next design is created
and worn by Charlie Wiseman.

Let's see if he embarrasses himself
less than his daughter Caitlin does

on the Pee Wee soccer team I coach.

Nope.

Charlie, that grass suit is
as terrible as your daughter.

Off the stage.

All right, let's bring out our last design.

Here to close the show
is the rodeo queen herself,

Destiny Baker.

[♫] [APPLAUSE]

Glad to see you came around.

Well, not exactly.

Coming to the stage to showcase my design

is a model so nice they named him thrice.

Jacob "Jake" Jacobs.

Really? I can't believe it.

Thank you, Destiny.

What are you doing? You're
throwing away a huge opportunity.

I may be a designer one day, but I'm
a counselor today, and that comes first.

Strut your stuff, Jake.

Consider it...

strutting.

[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]
♫ ♫

Jacob nails a classic twirl and pose.

♫

Look at those moves.

[APPLAUSE]

Jake is bringing so much heat to the runway,

it's gonna go up in flames.

Watch your sewed suit, Charlie.

♫

That was pretty impressive.

Maybe I was wrong about kids.

But go tell him to stop milking it.

Did you hear that, Jake? You nailed it.

Whoa.

I'm only .

You really shouldn't let kids be in your show.

What am I looking at here?

When Parker gets really
stressed, he has to dance it out.

Oh, no, the Macarena. I've
never seen him this slow.

Hey, buddy.

How are you doing?

Does this answer your question?

The Roger Rabbit.

Ooh. Ooh.

Parker, don't worry about it. It takes
time to memorize these things. I mean,

who really knows how often
we elect our representatives.

Yeah, like every two years?

Yes. Parker, that was right.

Wait, did it? How do I do it?

Maybe the information finally stuck.

Quick, how many justices
are on the Supreme Court?

Uh, can you use Supreme
Court in a sentence please?

Wait. Parker, start dancing again.

You don't gotta tell me twice.

Now, tell me, how many justices
are on the Supreme Court?

Nine. What? How do I know that?

You only remember the
answers when you're dancing.

You must be a kinesthetic learner.

They taught us all about this in college.

Some people are visual learners, like me,

and some are auditory learners, like Winnie.

But you learn best when you're
doing something physical, like dancing.

It frees up your mind to
remember the things you've studied.

We have to try this out.

Lou, give me some questions,
Winnie, give me a b*at.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
♫ ♫

Okay. What are the three branches of government?

Okay. The legislative,

executive and... judicial!

-Right again.
-This is amazing.

I might actually pass the test.

I'd better find some cardboard in
case I have to break dance my way

through Cabinet department heads.

There's of them, yo.

Okay, Bill.

That was the last one.

What's the verdict?

I'm thinking...

I'm on the edge of my seat.

You could cut the tension with
a very long, very sharp Kn*fe,

which I have.

Okay; I've made my decision.

A single scoop of vanilla in a cone, please.

What?

Why vanilla?

Because it's the color of bones.

No, definitely not that.

After all your sampling,

you're still going with vanilla?

All the flavors were delicious,
but plain old vanilla is my favorite.

That's who I am.

And now I know that for
sure. Thanks to you, Noah.

Well, I guess as long as you're happy, I'm happy.

I'm also happy that we get to leave now.

Ooh, not yet.

First, we have to talk toppings.

I've got sprinkles, chocolate chips,

cherries.

Mm.

What type of toppings guy am I?

I am no longer happy.

-I'm sorry I knocked you off the stage.
-It's okay.

If you hadn't, I wouldn't have
known they refilled the relish.

Oh, man, this is tapenade.

There you are.

I don't appreciate the winners of my fashion show

leaving before I can announce them.

Winners?

Announce?

Maybe I'm focusing on the wrong thing.

I don't understand.

We ruined your show and your food table.

I know, but look at his outfit.

It was a smash hit, literally.

And those splotchy swirls

perfectly complement stains.

Your clothes for clumsy children
are going to sell like hot cakes.

So you're going to put my
designs in your boutique?

This is amazing!

And it means I am a real runway model.

Today I conquered Wyoming.

Tomorrow...

Kentucky.

Oh, good. You guys are back.

We're having a party to celebrate

Parker passing his citizenship test.

What if he didn't pass?

We got that covered, too.

Noah and I brought back ice cream.

We could use it for the party.

Awesome. What flavors did you get?

-They're all vanilla!
-They're all vanilla.

Hey, y'all.

I guess you're wondering how the test went.

Which is great because I k*lled it!

Yeah!
[ALL CHEERING]

I'm an American. I can run for president now.

You actually have to be born here.

Then what was the point of any of this?

So, the dancing worked?

Yep, the guy who asked the
questions thought it was weird

when I started doing jazz
squares in the middle of the test,

but by the end, I got everyone doing

the constitutional quickstep.

We knew you could do it.

Did you?

I probably should have rolled that back up.

It's okay.

I can't believe I'm an American citizen.

I feel like anything is possible?

Hey, maybe I'll even get to
be a camp director someday.

Hey, failing upwards is an American tradition,

so you have a sh*t.

I'm an AmeriCanadian, y'all.

US, eh.

[MACHINE BUZZING OUT THE STAR-SPANGLED BANNER] ♫

♫

What is that thing?

Shh.

I'm mesmerized.