06x23 - Camp Fails and Beaver Tails

[bunniefuu]

So I need you two to spend
a day with the Mustangs

while Lou helps me with a project for our cabin.

Ooh! Are you finally taking off the
roof so we can sleep under the stars?

Oh, Jake, it's camp.

If that's what you want,
let's just sleep outside.

On the grass like common field mice,

when we have a perfectly good cabin

that just needs its roof removed?

Think, Bill.

Maybe a day apart isn't a bad thing.

You should spend the day with Noah and the boys.

Parker wants me to help him with a new activity

that he claims will "blow
the doors" off this camp.

-Ooh! Not that way, Winnie.
-Oh.

Tell them though, I said good luck.

So, Destiny told me to hang
out at the Coyote Cabin today.

But Noah told us to hang
out with Mustang Cabin today.

Do you know what this means?

Our counselors really play things fast and loose

and every day we go uninjured is a minor miracle?

Yes. And also we are completely unsupervised.

It has been too long since the three of us

had good near-death experience together.

I hope you guys have your affairs in order.

And also change your
pants, things might get messy.

[ALL:] ♫ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♫

I got your new bookcase

and my complete Lady Louella,

Calypso pirate series to help fill it up.

I even brought my new self-help book,

Polly Wants Catharsis.

Love that you went with this
easy-to-assemble bookcase.

I was a little afraid

the legendary woodsman Lou Hockhauser

would want me to help her build one from scratch.

And these hands are made
for dramatically gesturing.

Oh. It didn't even occur
to me to build it myself.

Nor should it. You're the boss now.

You don't think I can do
it because I've gone soft?

I don't think that. You're thinking it right now.

-Well, now I am because
you're talking about it_ -I knew it!

You know what? I'm gonna
show you I haven't lost my touch.

We're gonna build your bookcase, using
only our wits and what nature provides.

So get those animated hands
ready for a hard day's work.

Way to go, Noah.

Couldn't you just say, "Awesome bookcase, boss"?

Without any counselors,
we can do absolutely anything

we want to do.
-Right.

So what's the most thrilling
risk that we can think of?

I'll go first.

Reshingling the barn. Ooh, goose bumps.

What if we kept hunting for
the lost treasure of Dusty Tush?

Yes. We still haven't found

the First National Bank of Dusty Tush Railways

from the last clue.

Hey, how about the three of us

go check out the town archives
in_ -You had me until homework.

I know.

What if we went canoeing?

But that's something we do
with our counselors all the time.

Yeah, but not...

in space.

Ah-ha!

What if we did canoe somewhere

but a place we're not normally allowed to go?

Ooh, like that island in the middle of Lake Tush

that Noah and Destiny say is too far.

But they're not going to
be able to stop us this time.

Yes, it's perfect.

So, that's a no on space then?

Okay, so I need your help

coming up with a brand-new camp activity,

one that will join all other summer camp classics

and cement my name in history,

like Sam Arts and Archibald Crafts.

Arts and crafts isn't actually
named after real people.

[SCOFFS] Okay, I suppose

you'd say there's no Eleanor Smore either.

I think Lou's been messing with you.

[SIGHS IN EXASPERATION]
Figures!

Hey, there.

Did you spring a leak?

Sorry. Am I bothering you?

I tend to do that.

Can I stick a while?

Anything wrong?

I think I just really miss home.

And when I think of home, I think of my dad

and how excessive shoulder
hair runs in my family.

I think about how I have that
to look forward to.

And then I think,... ah!

Parker, make it stop.

Hey, Lyle, how about you help us
come up with a new camp activity?

The more the merrier.

Unless you're trying to avoid a summer cold.

Then it's best to be alone, which I usually am.

But, hey, it gives me more time
to think about the shoulder hair thing.

Seriously, I can't take much more of this.

Hey, Lyle, just get ready
to help me create something

that will make the Parker
Preston name live on forever.

You know who didn't live forever?

My pet fish, Sebastian.

Oh, well, at least my cat had a nice dinner.

Hey, you have a cat.

Had a cat.

Sweet mercy, there's no bottom to this.

Did we really had to chop down trees?

We could have just bought lumber.

What is this "we" business?

I chopped down these trees
while you dramatically gestured.

What? That's preposterous!

Look, let's just cut off these branches.

Be sure to shave the bark as you go.

We're gonna need to make
sure this wood is as clean as_

[ANIMAL CHITTERING]
[EXCLAIMS]

Oh!
[ANIMAL CHITTERING]

I should've checked
these trees for critters first.

You think I would have learned after me
and Mom never made it out of that Douglas fir.

[GRUNTS]
Don't just stand there.

-Run away?
-Help me!

Oh, right, your thing.

[ANIMAL CHITTERING]

[ANIMAL CHITTERING]
-Oh!

Okay. We tried things your way.

Can we just go back to box shelves now?

No! That tree belongs to us. Not some critter.

[ANIMAL CHITTERING]

Nope, I was wrong, that
tree belongs to a critter.

Let's go find us a new one.

Okay; Who's ready to add a classic activity

to the tradition of summer camp,

and, more importantly,
secure my legacy of greatness?

-So humble.
-Aw, thank you.

-I was being sarcastic.
-I hear what I wanna hear.

Can we speed this along?

I've got to write to my pen pal.

Maybe this time I'll hear back.

Yeah, I got in a while.

Now, everyone loves a three-legged race.

But you know what they'd love even more?

Let me guess, uh, a four-legged race?

[SCOFFS]
Thinking too small, Baker.

Behold, the six-legged race!

Why are you here? Why didn't you save yourself?

Trust me, it'll be twice as fun.

And we're ten times more
likely to sprain an ankle.

I did the math.

[SIGHS]
I got a "C" in math.

If this is a six-legged race,

who are we supposed to be racing against?

Oh, right. Let's see if we can go find

five more campers to join in on the fun.

Oh! That's my bad.

We need to work together.

So, let's start with right foot.

[EXCLAIMS]

Okay. Who here gets confused with right and left?

Oh, let's just untie ourselves.

That might be hard.

I triple-knotted us for safety.

Or maybe quadruple?

Did I mention I got a "C" in math?

Everyone relax, I'll drag us
to the arts and craft supplies,

and we'll just cut ourselves free with scissors.

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTS]

Okay, new plan.

Everyone scoot.

Here it is, Tush Island.

I love being on a ranch,
but there is something nice

about getting out in nature
and away from everyone.

Hey, where is everyone?

Up here.

Winnie, get out of that tree!

You got it.

[EXCLAIMS] [GRUNTS]

I don't know why superheroes land that way.

It's brutal on the knuckles.

Check out this super weird cat I met.

That's not a cat. It's a beaver.

Perfect.

That goes so much better
with the name I gave him,

Justin 'Beaver'.

Wait, so you thought it was a cat,

but you named it Justin 'Beave'r?

Let it go.

Black hole of Jake-Logic will swallow you whole.

Hey, guys, what do you think

this strange wire camouflage with leaves does?

[SNAPS]

Oh, interesting.

Justin, come back.

Oh, man, I scared off my new friend.

You just met him. Don't be so thirsty.

We have to find a way out of this thing.

Maybe the scary axe guy can help?

[ALL SCREAMING]
Ahh-Ahh-Ahhh

Listen, scary Explorers Man, please don't eat us.

Oh! Eat us? He's not going to eat us.

[LOUDLY CLEARING THROAT]

Okay, he might eat us!

[CLEARING THROAT] Ooh! I'm sorry.

Haven't used my voice in a while.

I can't remember the last
time I actually spoke to anyone.

And I stopped singing in
the shower when I stopped,

well, taking showers.

Now, what are you doing poking around my island?

Sorry. We just canoed over from
the summer camp across the lake.

We had a free day and we were
looking for a near-death experience.

So, thanks for being so terrifying.

We really appreesh.

Wow. Big Tush ranch is a camp now?

I don't get off this island much.

Are Ben Affleck and J.Lo. still a thing?

Oh, my gosh, yes.

But it was a long and winding
road back to each other.

You have no idea.

We brought some food.

Would you like to eat with us?

Oh, now that we know you don't eat kids.

We do know that, right?

Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt for you

to stick around for a while and fill
me in about life on the mainland.

Great. So what should we call you?

Or is that being too thirsty, Winnie?

Oh, well, my name is, um,

Branch Shrub.

Yep, Branch Shrub

of the Tush Island Shrubs.

Really?

Your name is Branch Shrub?

Hi, Branch Shrub.

My name is Jake Jacobs.

[CHUCKLES]
Sure it is, kid.

Touche.

All right. Since the six-legged
race was such a disaster,

I decided to move on to my next best idea.

Land skiing.

This was your next best idea?

Yeah. Why should the fun of
water skiing stop at the shore?

Uh, maybe because the water stops at the shore.

You know, lakes are just big fish toilets.

Wow, you're a real lakes
half-empty kind of guy, huh?

The lake is half-empty.

Climate change is coming for us all.

Look, I'm an environmentalist,

and even I'm going to say, lighten up.

All right. When I give Hunter
the signal, he'll take off,

and I'll land ski my way to
summer camp history books.

You know what else is in history books?

I don't. Our school's
library is really underfunded.

Thank you, Lyle.

All right, let's do this. Hiya!

[NEIGHING]

Ow! Oh! Ouch!

I think he forgot about all the trees.

This is more fun than I thought it would be.

So do you really wanna nail
this ugly wood together now?

Because, to be honest, I'd be
embarrassed to show its books.

Nails? What're we, pampered little babies?

Do you let babies play with nails, Lou?

I file them down.

Now let's assemble this bad boy with tree sap.

Nature's glue.

I would beg you to not make this more difficult,

but I fear you've already
gone too far down this weird,

unnecessary road.

It's been a minute since I used this stuff,

but I'm sure it'll come back to me.

Have we reached the point where we can safely say

it's not going to come back to you?

Yeah, I went a little heavy on the sap.

I guess you could say
this is a "sticky" situation.

Wait, I got one.

I guess you could also say

this project has brought us closer together.

Nice, high-five.

You know what? Let's just go.

So, Rihanna still doesn't have
a new album after all this time?

Look, she will release one
when she is good and ready.

So, why do you live here all alone?

I kinda like the peace and quiet.

It's also where my parents live,

and their parents, and their parents before that.

-You ever hear of Lewis and Clark?
-Yeah.

Those guys left my great-great-great
grandfather for dead on this island.

Not where I thought that was going.

Of course, I inherited the family business.

What's the family business?

[METAL CLANGS]
That!

Trapping beavers.

Did you say trapping beavers?

But my friend, the weird cat, is a beaver.

I just trade him to an exotic
pet store owner for supplies.

There you are.
[CHUCKLES]

Justin Beaver?

Let him go, so he can live his beaver life

with his beaver friends and
enjoy his beaver weekends

performing with his beaver a
cappella group, "The Beaver Tones".

Can't you get supplies another way?

And when you get supplies,

can you make sure most of it's deodorant?

Look, I'm trading this beaver to
the pet store and you can't stop me.

Maybe it's time for you kids to skedaddle.

You have made a very powerful enemy today,

despite your use of the word skedaddle,

which usually makes me giggle.

Now; Have you ever asked yourself,

"Why do we sit around a fire
and make s'mores every night?"

No.

We don't want a fire. It's summer.

It's hot. We can do better.

Check it out.

A camp freeze instead of a campfire.

So you can make...

[BUBBLING]

S'more-sicles.

Roasting marshmallows is so over.

It's time to make camp...

cool again.

Don't do the sunglasses.

Yeah, I felt like a tragedy was happening.

Huh, a camp freeze is actually a
great way to b*at the summer heat.

Oh, oh, just wait until
you try your s'more-sicle.

[CRUNCH]

How is it?

[MUMBLING]
Oh, it's so good.

I don't wanna ever stop licking it.

It's stuck to your tongue, isn't it?

What? No, I'm just, I'm favoring the flavor.

[MUMBLES]
Yum.

[MUMBLING]
Okay, fine, I'm stuck.

Okay, this is hilarious.

And normally, I despise prop comedy.

Ouch!

[SIGHS] I guess I'm never gonna
make my mark on summer camp.

[SIGHS]

I'll go talk it out with him,

but it's gonna be really hard not to laugh.

Yeah. Don't give me that look.

I need supplies, and you're a
month's worth of toilet paper.

[VOICE BREAKING] I am
not getting poison ivy again.

I will not leave this island
until I save my friend.

We're going to help you.

We just need a plan.

And I got one.

You guys know how I speak passable beaver.

-Really?
-Do you, though?

I can use it to drop... you
two can grab the pet carrier.

It's a foolproof plan.

-Really?
-Is it, though?

Here I go; Be ready.

Don't look at me.

My plan was to blow up the island.

[MIMICKING BEAVER CRY]

Ooh, that sounds like one of your pals.

If I catch him, maybe I can
get toothpaste this month.

Look at me. Toilet paper and toothpaste.

I'm the mayor of Fancy Town.

[MIMICKING BEAVER CRY]

Huh? This doesn't sound like
any beaver I've heard before.

Uh...

Beaver, beaver, beaver, beaver?

Hey!

What? You done duped me!

And now it's time for me to skedaddle.

It's such a silly word.

This is very hard to look at.

So what? It gets the job done.

Huh!

Dried tree sap, still has a little stick to it.

[GASPS]
This is terrible.

What have I become? I've
completely lost my touch.

I might as well be from the suburbs.

You became the boss, Lou.

You don't have to prove anything to anybody.

You've already built this wonderful
place for kids to spend their summers.

Who cares if you're out of practice
building a place for them to keep their books?

And to be honest, I don't
even know why we're doing this.

My Coyotes are not big readers.

I guess you're right.

What are we gonna do with this monstrosity?

Bury it in holy ground so it cannot come back.

Good thinking. I'll make Parker do that.

Delegating. Now you're thinking like a boss.

Seriously?

We're looking right at each other that time.

-Hey; How are you doing?
-Not great.

Before this hot tea, I
tried to ice my hurt tongue.

Totally forgetting how I
got here in the first place.

I guess I can add that to
my giant pile of fails today.

Okay. I know how to fix this. Come with me.

Are you taking me to the nurse?

Because I am concerned about
how smooth my tongue is now.

And then he water skied with a horse on land.

Didn't go down to his ninth tree,

I think. I got a "C" in math, but I
bet I could get it up to a B minus.

Look at Lyle. He's not homesick anymore.

You took that burden off his
soon-to-be very hairy shoulders.

I'm so happy my failures
could bring him so much joy.

Parker, your legacy isn't going
to be inventing some new game

or losing your tongue to frostbite.

It's going to be you.

[MUMBLING]
Pretty sweet, right?

[MUMBLING]
Let's go swimming.

He's swimming in the lake?

But he called it a big fish toilet.

It is, actually, we just choose
to ignore that grossness.

You cheered him up.

These kids are how you're
going to make your mark.

-You bring happiness to every camper you meet.
-Wow.

Thank you, Destiny. I think you're right.

I do have a pretty important job here already.

I'm gonna keep thinking about this
while I go bury a bookcase for Lou.

[BRANCH SHRUB:] Give me back my beaver!

And my pet carrier, which cost a lot of beavers!

He's close. We have to keep running.

Wait, I have an idea.

Does it involve me speaking
beaver in a Boston accent?

Why would we need that?

I don't know. But if we do,

I just need time to prepare, okay?

[BEAVER CRIES]

[BEAVER CHITTERING]

There you are, my little meal ticket.

[BEAVER CHITTERING]

[CLANGING]

Uh-oh.
[YELLS]

Get me out of here!

It doesn't feel too good
getting trapped, does it?

Now imagine if we put you in a cage

and sent you away from this island forever.

How would you like that?

I guess I wouldn't like it very much.

This is the only home I've ever known.

And it's the only home Justin's ever known.

Hey, thanks, little guy.

I'm sorry I tried to send you away.

But how else am I supposed to
maintain my eccentric recluse lifestyle?

I need things like toothpaste and toilet paper.

[CLEARS THROAT]
And deodorant.

I've been thinking about that.

An island of wild beavers is pretty amazing.

What if you turned this island into a preserve?

People could pay money to visit,

then you can buy all the supplies you need.

[CLEARS THROAT]
Like deodorant.

Ah. That might be a great idea.

And maybe I could use a
little more human interaction.

The trees never remember my birthday.

Aw, look at that cute face.

Okay, let's do the beaver preserve.

Yes. That's awesome.

Skedaddle.

Never gets old.

Thanks for your help.

Now that we're friends, I want you to know

my real name isn't Branch Shrub.

It's...

Twig Thompson.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
Oh; Much better.

Hey, don't be strangers. Next time you visit,

you can tell me all about
what's going on in town.

Last time I was there, I saw that they turned

the First National Bank of Dusty
Tush Railways into a video store.

[CHUCKLES]

The bank on the clue became the video store?

He may have just helped us find
the lost treasure of Dusty Tush.

Wicked beaver!

Oh, guess I didn't need any practice after all.

No, I'm not wrong.

A campfire in the summer really is too warm.

Whoa, dude, don't be so negative.

Seriously?

Destiny has no idea we were ever gone.

Noah doesn't suspect anything either.

We totally got away with it.

So, I heard you guys didn't show
up for any of your activities today.

Let me handle this.

It's because we were on a
remote island unsupervised,

hanging out with a complete stranger.

Did you guys know that your
campers played hooky all day today?

[BOTH:] I thought they were with you.

[BOTH:] Why would they be with me?

[BOTH:] You're in so much trouble.

Let me handle this.

[BOTH:] Please, don't!