06x25 - Badminton to the Bone

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Noah, could you take Bill

and me to the video store today?

Ooh, is this because you

discovered the love for cinema,

and are about to embark on an

epic journey to become actors,

and you want me

to be your sensei?

Kind of just expecting

a yes or no.

Apparently, the video store

used to be

the first national bank

of Dusty Tush Railways.

Which is written

on our last clue.

The treasure we've

been searching

for all summer

might be

in there.

Oh, there's treasure there,

right?

Her name is Megan

and "X" marks

the spot.

Oh, if you couldn't tell,

we're together.

We were actually

hoping you'd ask

your treasure

if we could take a look

around the store.

Yeah. And you

know that

classic Noah charm

you're famous for?

[chuckles]

You know I do.

Don't use it.

We want her to say yes.

Can I come, too?

I never get to go

on treasure hunts

with you guys.

And quite frankly,

I don't know why,

I'm a delight.

Okay, fine.

But this is really

important to us,

and we're so close

to finding it.

So please don't...

You know.

Winnie it up.

Hey, what does that mean?

Did a ninja star just fly out

of your sleeve?

Okay, I see your point.

I won't Winnie it up.

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

Morning, campers.

Parker's been

asking to do

more morning

announcements,

and I've graciously

agreed.

And by that you mean you lost

a bet, right?

Actually, he b*at her

in Rock-Paper-Scissors.

How was rock not stronger

than paper?

The whole thing

is a sham.

You know what?

Let's just get

this over with.

Let's do this.

Howdy, y'all.

Time for...

I'm sorry.

Pause.

"Howdy, y'all,"

already going

off script, huh?

I know you always say

"Morning, campers,"

but I want to put

my own spin on it.

Yeah, but

"Morning, campers"

gets the kids

excited for camp.

"Howdy, y'all" is how you

greet guests

at a chicken

wedding.

Don't ask

how I know that.

Just read off the list

and try again.

[clears throat]

Morning, campers.

Time for...

[upbeat music playing]

♪ Morning announcements ♪

Of course.

First, from now on,

we are gonna

start having dessert

after every meal!

[all applauding]

You do read

the suggestion box.

I feel so seen.

No, no, no,

no, no, no.

Our plumbing

is not equipped

to handle

this much dairy.

[distorted] Everyone get

back to...

Ah! For

the love of...

Parker, what

are you doing?

I'm getting the crowd

warmed up and excited!

There's plenty of exciting stuff

on here.

Like the badminton

tournament.

What kind

of weirdos

would be excited

to play badminton?

You signed us up,

didn't you?

You know I did.

Okay. This was obviously

a terrible idea.

You're ruining

morning announcements.

What? Come on!

I haven't even gotten

to my showstopper

about why

our goat care class

is canceled.

Shika-shika ringworm!

Uh, I thought

you said

this was a place where people

rent movies.

What's the deal with all these

weird books?

[gasps] Did you guys

trick me

into coming

to a library?

These are movies.

They're called

VHS tapes.

It's what

people had before

LaserDisc, DVDs,

and Blu-rays.

If you don't

want to tell us,

just say so.

You don't need

to make up words.

Guys, you need

to see this.

It's an old bank vault.

The treasure has got to be

in there.

Hmm.

Hey, guys.

What brings you down here?

[gasps]

Oh, Noah,

is this the sensei moment

you've been waiting for?

Actually they're

on a treasure hunt,

and just wanted

to look around.

Classic camp

caper stuff.

Megan, check out

this clue we found.

We think the lost treasure

of Dusty Tush

might be in a safety deposit box

in that old vault.

Oh, sorry

to disappoint you,

but there's

no treasure in there.

It's my boss's

private office.

It's filled with his collection

of memorabilia

from old westerns.

Memorabilia

from old westerns?

I love old westerns!

In related news,

I don't have a lot

of friends my age.

Can you

ask your boss

if we can take

a look around anyway?

Tell him we'll cut him in

on the treasure.

Okay, Winnie,

I know this is your

first treasure hunt,

but rule number one

is don't offer cuts

to randos.

Unfortunately,

he's out of town

for the whole summer.

Oh, really?

Well, I guess

we should all

head back.

Noah and I

have to get ready

for the thrill a minute

roller coaster,

that is the camp

badminton tournament.

No way.

I love badminton!

[chuckles]

Good one.

Oh, you're serious.

In that case,

why don't you

take my spot

in the tournament,

and the kids and I

can watch

the store for you.

What do you say,

Meggie-poo?

I say I'm in!

Also, maybe

we don't end our pet names

for each other with "poo."

Hmm. Good note.

Uh, thank you

so much, Destiny.

And if anyone

comes in...

Oh, who am I kidding?

No one ever comes in here.

Look, I know

I'm the chore guy,

but I don't want

to spend the rest

of my afternoon

working in a weird old store

with popcorn

that says

"Best enjoyed before

man walks on the moon."

We're not working.

We're gonna figure out a way

to break into that vault

before Megan and Noah

come back.

On it.

We are not blowing it up.

Fine.

But one day,

blowing it up

is gonna be the right answer.

What are you

doing here?

Planning your next att*ck

on my beloved camp traditions?

No. I got a note

that said to meet Jake here.

Must be serious.

He used his business

finger paint.

[scoffs]

I got one, too.

But for some

weird reason,

mine was addressed to

"the lady that runs

this camp."

Hmm, that's odd.

He left off

"with an iron fist".

Hello, Parker...

And... you.

Jake, you've been

going to my camp

for two months.

You know

my name.

Oh, I know it.

I'm just trying to alter

our power dynamic.

Is it working?

Can you just tell us

what you want?

Welcome to Jacob Jacobs

Fixes Fights.

Had to ask.

You two aren't getting along

and I can help.

Shall we?

And you want us

to sit here?

No. I'm gonna

sit in one

and put my feet up

on the other.

If I'm gonna help you,

it's very important

that I be comfortable.

Yeah. Hard pass

on all of this.

Parker and I

just need some time

to cool off.

Aw, thank you

for speaking

for me, Lou.

Just like you did

during morning

announcements.

I wouldn't need

to speak for you

if you did them

properly.

And it looks

like our session

has begun, Helen.

That's right.

I'm the captain now.

Okay. I don't have

time for this.

Uh-uh.

We don't speak

without the talking stick.

Oh. I am so sorry.

I don't have

time for this.

Wait. Come back.

I know your name is Lou.

I was just playing

mind games.

So how you think

it's going so far?

Just a heads-up.

This tournament

is for counselors.

So if anyone asks,

you're filling in

for a girl who got

hurt on a hike.

A girl got hurt

on a hike?

No, but nobody

will question it.

Our nature trails

have been described

as "coyote buffets".

Well, I'm just happy

we get to spend

the day together.

It's going to be

so much fun

wiping the floor

with these losers!

That's right!

You better be scared.

I will feast on your fear!

Say what now?

Let's go!

[chuckles]

One nothing, chumps!

Yeah!

Okay, this is new.

Just call me

the Sandman,

'cause I'm putting

you babies to bed!

[grunts]

[grunts]

You better watch out!

I'm putting the next one

through your skulls!

Ouchie!

Maybe you need

a bigger racket.

Why don't you go

play tennis, hacks?

[grunts]

Ha! Game, set and match!

Go cry to your mommy.

Oh, wait!

I am your new mommy!

[happily] Thanks, Noah.

That was super-duper fun.

I'm gonna go grab us

some sparkling waters.

Who is she?

What exactly

are we listening for?

It should make

a click sound

when we get a number

to the combination right.

She said having only

seen this in cartoons.

[clicks]

-Wait. I hear a click.

-So do I.

Ha! Cartoons don't rot your

brain after all, Mom!

Sorry, working through

something here.

Keep turning. I think we're

getting close.

[clicking]

[click continues]

Wait a minute.

[clicking]

Did you guys know

that staplers work

even when

there's no paper?

Winnie, please

just stay quiet

and don't touch

anything.

Oh, sure,

you're going

to succeed

where all my teachers

have failed.

I don't know how

we're ever going to

get this thing open.

Well, if it were me,

I'd have a secret lever,

in case I forgot

the combination,

which I totally would,

because what were

we talking about?

Winnie,

look around.

There's no

secret levers.

The only things

in here

are these

dusty old movies,

like My Boy Tuesday,

Outlaws & Inlaws,

and...

There is

a secret lever!

You opened

the vault!

Yay! Can I have

my stapler back now?

So, uh, you were

really something

in that first game, huh?

I know, right?

I play for

my high school team,

the Dusty Tush Wipers.

Good team, gross name.

Actually, I just meant

it was a little embarrassing.

Oh, Noah,

you're not that bad.

Plus, my strengths make up

for your weaknesses.

Right. I'm just

surprised that you're so

ruthlessly competitive.

Aw, thank you.

Now, let's go make

Brenda and Bryce wish

they were never born.

Let's do this!

Okay. I'll be right there,

sweetie.

Hey, Lou,

can I talk to you?

If this is about why

one of your campers

is dressed as a college

professor.

I'm just

gonna say it.

Your cabin has

too many costumes.

No, I'm playing

badminton with Megan,

but she's so

competitive,

it's taking the fun out of it

for everyone else.

Noah, get

over here!

Our opponents' souls

aren't gonna

crush themselves!

Never mind.

She's terrifying.

You're on your own.

Okay, Noah,

your serve.

Part their hair

with that birdie.

[laughs] Okay, will do.

Ow! My arm! Argh!

Oh, no, what happened?

I think I pulled my, uh...

Oh, no. Do you think

you have badminton elbow?

If that is a thing,

then yes.

Yes, I do.

Oh, no, I'm so sorry.

I guess this means

we're out of the tournament.

Really?

Oh, I am devastated.

Looks like

our opponents' souls

will have to

crush themselves,

and maybe even

part their own hair.

Oh, darn,

this badminton wrist!

-Elbow.

-Whatever.

[groans softly]

According to the plaque,

we need to find

safety deposit

box number .

[gasps] With my share

of the treasure,

I'm gonna build

my own bathroom,

so Winnie

can never again,

literally or figuratively

blow it up.

Hey, I never hid

who I was from you.

Bill, what are

you gonna do

with your share?

Bill?

I can't believe it.

He has the real lasso used

in the cowboy classic

Dude, Where's My Lasso?

Bill, we're trying

to find the treasure,

so put down that

dusty old cowboy junk

and help me.

Junk?

So, would you call

the pickaxe from

So I Married

a Pickaxe m*rder*r junk?

Junk, trash,

not the treasure

we're looking for.

Dealer's choice.

There.

Box number .

[Destiny gasps]

Oh! It's locked!

Wait, the key hole

number ,

looks different

than the other ones.

It's flat

and rectangular.

Kind of like that plaque

you're holding.

Winnie, that's...

Actually a good idea.

[gasps]

Wow, Winnie,

you were right!

It's an old

film reel.

This isn't the treasure.

It's just another clue.

Man, they sure

don't make it easy

to close the wealth gap

nowadays.

Bill, check this out.

Just one second.

I wonder what's under this.

Holy horseshoes!

It's a copy of

The Bull-Dogger,

starring my great

great grandpa.

I thought all the copies

of this were lost forever.

I need to watch

this movie immediately.

Bill, no!

Don't...

[alarm blaring]

Do that.

And people were worried

about me touching something.

Lou, Parker is willing

to give mediation

another go if you are.

It seems like I'm

the more mature one,

per usual.

[blows raspberry]

Mmm. I'd love to give it

another try,

but I'm super busy

with my to-do list.

Number one,

order cheaper food,

since Parker blew our budget

on morning dessert.

[gasps]

Top contender,

grasshopper poppers.

Lou, if you

just give this

another chance,

I know I can help you.

Okay, fine,

but one condition.

I am not doing that

silly stick thing again.

Kind of miss the

silly stick thing.

I've asked you to wear

each other's clothes

because role-playing

is a great way to see things

from another person's

point of view.

From there,

we can gain understanding.

Speaking

of understanding,

I don't think

I've ever understood

how useless

women's pockets are.

On behalf

of the patriarchy,

I'd like

to apologize.

Now, Lou, as Parker,

will sweep the barn,

and Parker, as Lou,

will supervise.

You may begin.

Speak like

Parker, huh?

Fine.

[imitating Parker]

Yo, yo, yo,

Skip to my Lou.

I know you simply asked me

to sweep the barn

like a normal

human being.

But Parker Preston

doesn't do normal.

Well, this is off

to a great start.

So check it.

What if we attach

leaf blowers

to the horses,

and they sweep

while we sleep?

Look, look.

Level up.

Okay. If that's how

you want to play it.

[imitating Lou]

Parker, no!

Don't try to bring

any of your amazing

personality into it.

I want it done.

And I want it

done boringly.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, so I shouldn't

sweep like this?

Wait, are you

having fun?

'Cause fun

isn't on my list.

And I love my list.

"Top ways

to micromanage

literally everything."

Okay, don't get personal.

Let's dial it back a bit.

I never dial

anything back.

I only dial it up.

[imitates air horn]

[normal voice] How dare

you use my own

air horn noises against me?

Stop, stop, stop!

This was a terrible idea!

You're angrier at each other

than when we started,

and it's all my fault.

Jeez, I wonder

what he's so upset

about, eh?

Okay, you can

stop now.

Oh, Noah, I'm so sorry

you got hurt.

Yes, it does hurt,

but the pain pills in comparison

to the sadness I feel

that we won't be

able to play badminton

together again.

Oh, curses! [sobs]

Thank you.

Wait a minute. I thought you

hurt your right arm.

Oh, no, it's spreading.

Oh! Yes, this also

feels good.

Okay.

Well, then you should

take it easy, I guess.

I'm gonna go and get you

some lemonade.

Megan, you're the best.

Think fast!

Okay, I know

this looks bad,

but you gotta admit,

pretty good

performance, right?

Bad time for reviews,

I get that.

[grunts]

Great job, Bill.

We got the next clue

to the treasure.

But we're

gonna die

before we get

to use it!

Plus, I'm starting to sweat.

And you know

how I hate that!

I can't even tell

what's on this film reel.

It kind of looks like

someone's burying something.

Been there.

The key is

masking the scent

so animals

don't dig it up.

I've said too much.

Wait a minute.

I think it might be the location

of the actual treasure.

Which will be very useful

information

to whoever

finds our skeletons!

Destiny, no one's gonna

find our skeletons.

In this

moisture-controlled vault,

our corpses

will be mummified.

Not helping!

[breathing heavily]

Oh, no! Are we running

out of air?

I feel like

we're running

out of air!

We can't run out of air.

Every vault has

a ventilation system.

How do you know so much

about bank vaults?

I like to plan heists

in my spare time.

What?

Some people like to do

escape rooms,

and I like to do

break-ins.

How is that different?

The crime part!

Wait, the

ventilation shaft.

I bet it leads

out of the vault.

That's a great idea, Winnie,

but how are we gonna

get up there?

Let me answer

your question

with a question.

Am I finally allowed

to touch stuff?

Go for it. I will not look good

as a mummy.

Then challenge accepted.

Hey! Be careful

with those.

They're priceless items

of movie history,

especially

that saddle

from Sleepless

in the Saddle.

Oh, the famous butts

it's cradled.

First, I got to get

the grate down.

[metal clanging]

Ah, the sweet sound

of mischief.

Megan, I am so sorry

I faked my injury.

I don't get it.

Why would you

pretend to get hurt?

So we'd have to drop out

of the badminton tournament.

You're way too intense.

It's scaring people.

One counselor was writing out

his will.

Oh, no, I don't think

I was scaring anyone.

Okay, point taken.

I guess I can get

super competitive.

But isn't the whole point

to win?

The whole point

is to have fun.

I regularly lose

to -year-olds

at tether ball.

-[gasps]

-Sometimes on purpose.

-[gasps]

-A lot of times we don't

even keep score.

Please stop talking.

I'm starting

to feel dizzy.

I'm sorry I ruined

your afternoon, Noah.

You didn't

ruin anything.

Hey, I got an idea.

What do you say

we go back

to the tournament,

but this time,

just for fun,

and not crushing souls?

Sounds like a plan.

But can we have fun

and still win a trophy?

Actually, everyone

gets a trophy.

Oh, no, the room

is spinning again!

Hey, Jake,

what's going on?

And didn't you come to camp

with luggage?

Since this talking stick

was such an epic fail,

at least now

it has a purpose.

I think its purpose is just

being a stick, buddy.

And I'm

an epic fail, too.

I tried to help

by showing you

each other's

point of view,

but it just made

everything worse.

So now,

I'm leaving.

But, Jake,

you did help me.

I now realize that

I can be micromanaging.

Parker was right.

[groans]

Burns to say that.

Lou, you're only

micromanaging

because you care so much

about the camp.

I'm the one who's always

messing things up

by going overboard.

You only go overboard

because you're trying

so hard

to make things fun

for the kids.

If I'm being honest,

it's something

I really admire

about you.

You mean it?

Of course.

Still burns,

though.

Well, I admire you, too.

The truth is,

you're my role model.

And now,

fashion icon.

Really?

The only reason I'm always

trying to level up

is because you set the bar

so high.

Oh, Parker,

that means a lot.

And that's how

Jacob Jacobs

fixes fights.

Jake, what are you

talking about?

And am I going

to feel bad

about myself

for not figuring it out?

After everything

went haywire,

I decided to take a page

out of Noah's book

and try some acting.

I was never

gonna run away.

[chuckles softly] Phew!

No one could have

figured that out.

I feel great.

I wanted

to remind you

that you both

want this camp

to be awesome,

even though you have different

ideas of how to do it.

But when you

work together,

you make a really

great team.

Thanks, Jake.

You know,

you're kind of

a genius.

I get that a lot.

Now, if you'll

excuse me,

this genius is off to go

hug some goats.

Wait. Jake, no!

Shika-shika, ringworm!

Aw, we really do

make a great team!

[grunts]

What is taking her

so long?

I hope she's

not leaving us

because you were

rude to her earlier.

Winnie! You can

just let me out!

You're a real

team player, Bill.

Ta-da!

Sorry it took so long.

Made some popcorn.

-You did it!

-We're saved.

Winnie, I'm so sorry

about today.

You were right

every step

of the way,

and I still

shut you down.

I really should have

trusted you more.

And you should have

also just let me

blow up the door

in the first place,

which would have

prevented all of this.

Yeah, not ready

to go there.

But it turns out

Winnie-ing it up

was the only way

to save the day.

What is going on

in here?

Did you close my store,

and break into

my boss' private office?

Well... Winnie

robs banks!

[closing theme music playing]