07x13 - Chapter One Hundred and Thirty: The Crucible

[bunniefuu]

[SINISTER MUSIC PLAYING]

[EXHALES]

[JUGHEAD] How does a fire start?

Sometimes with a kindly teacher

encouraging an eager student
to pursue his love of poetry.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

Or perhaps it sparks with a
chance encounter in an elevator.

Or in Betty Cooper's bedroom with
a suddenly missing typewriter...

and telephone.

[GASPS]

Or maybe the inferno that would
soon consume Riverdale High begins...

in a classroom.

[APPLAUSE]

Oh, that was wonderful, Betty and Kevin.

I don't think that I have ever heard

those words spoken aloud so beautifully.

And I saw A Cat on a Hot Tin
Roof on Broadway. [CHUCKLES]

That's enough, Mrs. Thornton.

[THORNTON] I beg your
pardon, Principal Featherhead?

I'm in the middle of teaching my class.

This is no longer your class.

Please step out into the hall, ma'am.

Is this a gag? What's going on?

It's all right, class.

I'm certain that this is
a simple misunderstanding.

Alas, this is not a gag,

nor is it a simple misunderstanding.

Mrs. Thornton has been
relieved of her duties.

And until we can find
a permanent replacement,

you'll be taught by my wife,

Mrs. Blossom.

[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

Hello, children.

Well, what's the dealio
with Mrs. Thornton?

Your former teacher

represents a clear and present
danger to the American way.

Mrs. Thornton is under
suspicion of being a communist.

[ALL CHATTERING]

The Red Menace has come to Riverdale.

[CLIFFORD] Which is why you
all have to remain vigilant.

If you see something,

say something.

Archie, you've been spending time
with Mrs. Thornton after school.

I mean, clue us in.

Have you noticed anything
strange about her?

Not at all.

Mrs. Thornton's been
helping me with my...

Uh...

I'm telling you, this is a mistake.

Mrs. Thornton is no communist.

Far be it from me to
defend my ghoul of a father,

but even he can't get a teacher
fired without just cause or evidence.

I wouldn't be so sure.

You can't believe what
Hollywood's been like.

I mean, the whole town's terrified,

gripped by paranoia.

A few years ago,

Senator McCarthy launched a crusade.

He claimed Russian spies
were using TV and movies

to brainwash the American public.

I remember my mom and
dad talking about that.

Didn't McCarthy keep a
list of known communists?

Yes, but he made it all up.

Accused people left and right.

Used fearmongering to amass power.

He held congressional hearings,

had the FBI investigate studios.

Pressured people to name names.

Targeting the innocent to gain
even more power and influence.

Uh, come on, guys.
This is America. Okay?

If you're innocent, you
have nothing to worry about.

I wish I could believe that, Kevin,

but I have seen it happen firsthand.

[ETHEL] Oh, my gosh, Jughead, I can't
believe this is really happening.

[JUGHEAD] Oh, It is.

It's the publication of
your very first comic.

- Our comic. [GIGGLES]
- Oh, come on.

Excuse me, could we
please get two copies

of the newest issue of Pit
of the Perverse, please?

We wrote and drew the main story in it.

Oh, from Pep Comics?

Yeah. We sent that bundle back.

Oh. You sent it back? How come?

Because I don't sell crummy
smut like that anymore.

It's disgusting!

And un-American.

Go! Get gone!

[CHERYL] You summoned me?

There have been
allegations made against you

about an illicit kiss
on Halloween night.

I... I don't know anything about that.

We're not upset with you, Cheryl.

You are at the mercy of a condition

that is beyond your control.

But luckily, thanks to
your father's status,

we were able to work out a deal

that will save you from being ruined

by this accusation.

That is, provided you cooperate

with the ongoing investigation
at Riverdale High.

Is this related to what
happened to Mrs. Thornton today?

It's all of a piece.

Being a communist,

engaging in deviant sexual behavior...

it's un-American.

It's corrupt. It's dissident.

I won't name names so
you and your cronies

can rip apart my high school chums

like the pack of
ravenous jackals you are.

Oh, no. We already
have the names, Cheryl.

Administration has
compiled a list of students

strongly suspected of
unnatural proclivities.

All we need you to do
is corroborate the names

so we can shore up
our cases against them.

And...

so you can redeem yourself.

And if I refuse?

What will you do?

Honestly, you wanna send me
away from this Godforsaken house?

I would welcome the change of scenery.

The further away from
you and Mumsy, the better.

Cheryl!

If you refuse to cooperate,

you will remain under
unwelcome scrutiny.

Very well.

We will be forced to take away
the one thing you truly care about.

Your beloved River Vixens.

Anything but that, Daddy. Please.

Do not doubt our resolve, girl.

You have a choice to make.

A choice that may very well
affect the rest of your life.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

- Daddy?
- Mija.

Knock me over with a feather.
What are you doing here?

Our estrangement has
been weighing on me.

I thought it was time to come see you.

That may be partly true, Daddy,

but you always have
some ulterior motive.

Always.

Well, I did want to
give you this in person.

Why are you in the doghouse
with Mom this time, Daddy?

Were you flirting with a script girl?

Yeah, your mother is...

- a bit peeved with me, yes.
- Mm.

You know how she can be about
even the most casual flirtations.

Thought it would be best for me

to get out of town for a
few days, let her cool off.

But more than that, I wanted to see you.

I wanted to see what your
life is like in Riverdale.

Meet your friends.

What do you say, mija? Can
we drop the third degree?

Won't you give your
dear old poppy a hug?

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

[BELL CHIMES]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

- [KEVIN] Check.
- No.

Oh, peachy keen.

You're all in one place.

Everyone, I'd like to
introduce you to my father.

- Hiram Lodge.
- How do you do?

Please, call me Hiram.

Mr. Lodge. Holy mackerel.

You're even more dashing in person.

- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
- What are you doing here?

Isn't your show Oh,
Mija filming right now?

In fact, we're on hiatus.

[CHUCKLES EXCITEDLY]

- Daddy, these are all my school chums.
- Yeah.

That's Betty.

It's so nice to meet you, Mr. Lodge.

We're such big fans of
your television program.

Especially the first season.

It kind of went downhill after that.

[HIRAM] Mm.

Please. Enough Hollywood talk.

Daddy wants to see what
simple small town life is like.

So for starters,

he'll be joining our English class.

Your principal, who's a fan of mine,

asked me to be sort of a guest lecturer.

It's my understanding

you're working on some
dramatic scenes this week?

Who's up to bat first?

[JULIAN] To be or not to be...

that is the question.

- Whether it's nobler to...
- I'm sorry. I'm...

I have to stop you right there.

Tell me. Julian, was it? Julian.

Do you even know what you're
saying in this monologue?

Well, I didn't grow up in Denmark,
if that's what you're asking.

[HIRAM] It's not.

I don't care where you grew up.

Are you a man?

- Course I am.
- So was Hamlet.

So be a man.

- [JULIAN SCOFFS]
- Speak from your guts.

- [STUDENTS CHUCKLE]
- [JULIAN] To be...

No, no. You have to
believe what you're saying.

Hamlet was contemplating su1c1de.

[STUDENTS MURMURING]

You gotta find the truth in
what you're saying, Julian.

And never forget...

words have power.

[EXHALES]

How can I help you, Miss Cooper?

Well, Principal
Featherhead, as you know,

Mrs. Thornton was the faculty
advisor for the Blue and Gold.

And now that she's...

no longer with us...

I'm shutting down the Blue and Gold.

We no longer have the
funds to support it.

What?

We're a high school. We
need a high school newspaper.

Why is that?

Well, to keep the students informed.

Let's be realistic, Betty.

The Blue and Gold has
never exactly qualified

as hard-hitting journalism, has it?

Well, not for a lack
of trying on our part.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

You're a bright girl, Betty.

Unlike most teenagers,

you may, one day,

have something important to say.

But that day is not today.

[CONTINUES WRITING]

[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

They have all of our names.

I saw the list. Each of you were on it.

And if I don't corroborate it,

they're going to take
the Vixens away from me.

I repeat, the Vixens.

I can't believe your father's
putting the screws to you.

You can't confirm that list, Cheryl.

Even if we're already
in their crosshairs.

Cheryl would never
cave. Would you, babe?

Of course not. No.

But if I'm going to
outmaneuver the powers that be,

I have to figure out who started
this particular witch hunt and why.

[TONI] Good question.

Who stands to gain from getting
you off the Vixens, Cheryl?

I can think of one witch

who has always wanted
to snatch my crown.

Stop right there, you fake Judas!

Oh, I don't know

what you could possibly
be referring to, Cheryl.

Of course you do, Evelyn.

You've always wanted to usurp me

and claim the Vixens for yourself.

I'd be a better leader and role
model to them, that's for sure.

My God.

How long have you hated me?

Since the beginning.

Your accusations are baseless.

You weren't even at the
Babylonium on Halloween night.

You couldn't possibly
have seen me kiss anyone.

No, but I heard about it.

And I did see you and your gal pal

getting handsy at the diner.

[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

[FEATHERHEAD] Mr. Andrews...

it's come to our attention
that Mrs. Thornton

showed a particular interest in you.

Was she trying to indoctrinate you?

Huh?

Mrs. Thornton was just
helping me with my poetry, sir.

That's all. She gave
me some books to read.

That's how the enemy operates,

by poisoning impressionable minds.

Soon they'll start
questioning their leaders,

even their own country.

And then it's a slippery
slope to civil disobedience...

and revolution.

It's happening right now in Cuba.

It must not happen in Riverdale.

[HIRAM] Well, it's
not Grauman's Chinese,

but this place is tremendous.

Well, I'm technically on duty,

but I was thinking you might
catch our afternoon show,

then we can pick up something
from Pops for dinner.

I love it.

The coming attractions
are about to start.

I'll just be out here
manning the concession stand.

[CHUCKLES] A popcorn, please.
Just a little butter. Thanks.

[SONG PLAYING IN THEATER]

Let me ask you a question.

How well do you know that man?

[SCOFFS] He's my father.

Mr. Fieldstone, we have
a crisis on our hands.

There's not a single joint in town

that's carrying Pep Comics.

Yeah, it's happening
all over the country.

Not just here.

Where newsstands are being raided

by holy rollers and cops.

Entire bundles of comics
are being returned.

Selling comics isn't illegal?

No!

But in the eyes of Joe and Jane Public,

it's immoral.

Thank you.

It's like peddling p*rn.

I mean, we have moms calling other moms

telling them not to
buy their Home Journal

from any newsstand

that sells crime or horror comics.

The world's gone cuckoo.

[SCOFFS] You're telling me, freckles.

[SIGHS] And when we get hate mail,

it's more graphic than
anything we've ever published.

Gee willikers.

Well, what are we gonna
do, Mr. Fieldstone?

We're gonna hunker down.

We're gonna weather this storm.

Now I'm gonna call all the
other comic book publishers

and see how they're faring.

Oh, Mr. Fieldstone.

I was wondering if it would be okay

if I had a few copies of
Pit of the Perverse Number .

It's my first issue

and I really need some
for my personal collection.

[LAUGHING]

Sure, uh... There's bundles over there.

- [TELEPHONE RINGING]
- [SIGHS WEARILY]

[ETHEL] Holy smokes!

- Oh!
- Oh, it's even better than I imagined.

It's such a shame that no one's
gonna get a chance to see it.

Yeah.

[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

[BETTY] It doesn't
matter what my name is.

I could be any of you,
but I feel like a prisoner.

Too young to make my own decisions,

but old enough to recognize

that the world is a dark, fearful place.

I'm speaking of my status as a teenager.

Though we might not always
have the right words,

I want to know your dreams,

your desires, your hopes and fears.

This is your newsletter.

This is The Teenage Mystique,

a forum for all the
thoughts and questions

you're too scared to otherwise share.

Send me your letters
anonymously to the PO box below.

You can address them to...

The Girl Next Door.

[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC ENDS]

[DOORKNOB RATTLING, KNOCK ON DOOR]

What are you doing in here, Archie?

Uh, nothing, just...

Uh, I was just doing some writing.

Your principal called,

and told me about this
business with Edith Thornton.

Mrs. Thornton didn't try to
indoctrinate me, Uncle Frank.

That's not what I wanted to
talk to you about, Archie.

You're not serious about all
this poetry malarkey, are you?

I mean, it's fine if
you want to write a poem

for a gal that you wanna get with.

But beyond that,

well, people might get
the wrong idea about you.

We don't want that.

Especially not at a time like this.

[SLURPING]

Mija, you're awfully quiet.

Daddy...

why is the FBI following you?

One of their agents questioned
me at the Babylonium.

The FBI is investigating
me as a possible communist.

And why in God's name
would they be doing that?

Last summer, I took a trip to Cuba.

I remember.

The FBI's claiming that I met with

dissidents and revolutionaries
while I was there.

Of course I didn't.

I was... I was buying cigars.

Is that why you came here to Riverdale?

- To hide out?
- Yes, mija.

But also because I need your help.

A favor.

What's the favor?

I need you to testify that
we were in Cuba together.

That it was a father-daughter trip

celebrating your confirmation.

And that I didn't meet
with any revolutionaries.

I have to think about it, Daddy.

I mean... I mean, of course
I want to help you, but...

but lying to the government...
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

That's... that scares me.

Of course. You take all
the time that you need.

I'm meeting with a lawyer
tomorrow in New York.

Hopefully, he can make
this whole thing go away

and you'll be off the hook.

But if not...

I know you'll do the right thing.

[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[SIGHS] Shouldn't you be in New York,

bird dogging my father?

My partner is.

I've been assigned to follow you.

How about you stop
following the both of us,

since you don't have a shred of proof

to back up these sham claims of yours?

Get in. I'll show you proof.

But not here.

[CAR STARTING]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

Veronica?

Now, despite what you may believe...

your father is not a good person.

He's un-American.

Now, while he was in Cuba,
he met with Vidal Maestro,

who's someone we've been
tracking for a while now.

A revolutionary who's
got big, scary ideas

about taking over Cuba.

Then the free world.

Archie, how did you even find me?

Honestly, your name's in the phone book.

Oh, of course.

Well...

as you can see,

I'm moving.

Well, where you going, Mrs. T?

I have a job waiting for me

at the public library in Greendale.

It's just volunteer,

but they're less judgmental
across Sweetwater River.

I wish I knew how to
make sense of everything

that's happening in the world.

I have something.

It might help.

It's a play written by Arthur Miller...

which might help you
understand these strange times

that we find ourselves in.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

That's perfect timing, Mrs. T.

I need to present a dramatic
scene for class this week.

I was gonna do

Biff's monologue from
Death of a Salesman.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, you are a Biff type.

But you're so much more,
including a wonderful writer.

Words have power, Archie.

Use them for good

to make the world a better, freer place.

Would you like a snack?

- Uh, I'm okay.
- Okay.

♪ Girl, you must be the devil's child ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

♪ Girl, you must be the devil's child ♪

♪ Just the sight of you ♪
♪ 'Bout to drive me wild ♪

[SONG CONTINUES]

[SLURPING]

I feel as if I can't breathe.

Like, like the walls
are closing in on me.

Can I really relinquish my Vixens

to some wretched, power hungry
she-hag like Evelyn Evernever?

I have to focus on the greater good.

But what is the greater good?

Cheryl, we've been talking

and we have a plan that could
possibly short circuit this witch hunt.

At least in the short term.

What's the plan?

We would play pretend.

We make people believe
that you're dating Kevin

and that I'm dating Clay.

That would take the wind
out of this inquisition.

Hopefully until graduation.

And privately, we can
be exactly who we are.

Toni, hiding your true self

and pretending to be
something you're not

goes against every fiber of your being.

Isn't such play acting a betrayal
of everything you stand for?

It is.

But for you,

for all our sakes...

I can live with that.

[DREAMY MUSIC PLAYING]

[DOOR OPENS]

Mija, what are you doing up this hour?

Waiting for you.

[DOOR CLOSES]

- How was New York?
- [SIGHS SOFTLY]

Not as productive as I would have liked.

I'm going to be named.

I thought I could buy my
way out of this debacle,

but I can't.

[SIGHS WEARILY]

- Which means...
- You need me to lie.

[SIGHS SOFTLY]

Because you weren't
in Cuba to buy cigars.

- Of course I was.
- Maybe.

But while you were there,

you went to a party at the Tropicana.

Didn't you?

A party that Vidal
Maestro also attended.

And don't bother lying.
I saw the picture.

It's possible that we were both
at the Tropicana on the same night,

but I was not there for him.

No.

No, by the looks of it,

you were there for some blonde honey.

Is that her name, Daddy?

Honey?

No.

It's Kelly.

[SCOFFS]

What is she, your mistress?

[EXHALES] Why don't
you just tell the FBI

that that's why you were in Cuba?

Because I signed a morality
clause with the studio.

[SCOFFS]

So yes,

I do need you, Veronica.

The family needs you.

And if you don't corroborate my story,

we would lose everything.

But I already lost everything, Daddy.

You sent me away from everyone I knew.

You banished me to this
place where I knew no one

and where I had nothing.

You taught me that I can
survive losing everything.

The worst happening.

The real question is, can you?

[VERONICA SCOFFS]

This isn't about protecting me.

It's about your precious show.

Because that is all
you've ever cared about.

Maybe you shouldn't be
asking me for a favor

right now, Daddy.

Maybe instead, you should
be asking me for mercy.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[EXHALES]

♪ Each time we have a quarrel ♪
♪ It almost breaks my heart ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm so afraid ♪

♪ That we will have to part ♪

♪ Each night I ask the stars up above ♪

♪ Why must I be a teenager in love? ♪

♪ In love ♪

♪ Why must I be a teenager in love? ♪

♪ In love ♪

♪ Why must I be a teenager in love? ♪

Uh... [CLEARS THROAT]

This is from the end of, uh,

Arthur Miller's play, The Crucible.

Which is about a town

that's ripped apart by
lies and accusations.

And one man, John Proctor,

he struggles to do what's
right in a... in a crazy world,

at a crazy time.

But he can't deny who he is.

And he can't forsake his name
and sign a false accusation.

[EXHALES]

You cannot use me.

I'm John Proctor.

You cannot use me.

Mr. Proctor, I must have
good and legal proof that...

[ARCHIE] You are the high court!

Your word is good enough!

Tell them, tell them... Tell
them, I confessed myself.

Say Proctor broke to his
knees and wept like a woman.

Why? Explain to me, Mr.
Proctor, why you will not.

[YELLING] Because it is my name!

And I cannot have another in my life!

Because I lie and I sign myself to lies.

Because I am not worth

the dust on the feet of
them that you have hanged.

How can I live without my name?

I've given you my soul.

Leave me my name.

Cheryl.

I have told Dr. Werthers
and Principal Featherhead

all about our discussion,

and how it would be
in your best interest

to cooperate with our investigation.

Never.

- Cheryl...
- The work you're doing here is dirty,

and I won't be a party to it.

You're willing to
risk losing the Vixens?

I couldn't sign that piece of paper

and then lead them in good conscience.

Therefore, I, Cheryl Blossom,

hereby and willingly

renounce my stewardship
of the River Vixens.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

my boyfriend, Kevin Keller, and
I are going on a double date.

With Toni Topaz and her
boyfriend, Clay Walker.

Toodles.

In the end, I did
what needed to be done.

Well, we're incredibly grateful, Cheryl.

We know how much the Vixens mean to you.

Yeah.

In a just world, a young
woman should be able to love

who she chooses and be a cheerleader,

but clearly we don't
live in a just world.

So when given the unspeakable choice...

there was no choice.

This is so wrong.

All of it.

It's just wrong.

But I... I do take some comfort

in the fact that without
the added scrutiny

of being captain of the River Vixens,

at least with you three, I
can continue living my truth.

And may Evelyn Evernever

fall off the top of the Vixen pyramid

and break her scrawny neck.

[ALL LAUGHING]

[FIZZES]

That was quite the performance, Archie.

Uh, thanks, Veronica.

And your scene today gave
me a lot to think about.

So, thank you for that, Mr. Proctor.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

[MUSIC PLAYING ON RECORD]

I hear you've got Pit of
the Perverse Number .

Maybe I do.

It's pretty hot issue.

How hot?

So hot you're gonna
burn your fingertips.

Cover price is cents,
but I'm going to need .

- Twenty?
- No.

[SIGHS]

Fine.

Pit .

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

I told you, Sheriff. I knew
someone was supplying...

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- ... my adventure scouts with comic books.

Jig's up, Jughead. Hand 'em over.

[ETHEL SIGHS]

Well, it was a gas while it lasted. Huh?

At least we made a few bucks.

And you got your comic book out there.

How do you feel, now that
you're a legit published artist?

Proud.

I'm really, really proud of myself.

You should be.

It's a really swell comic book.

Here.

[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

- God bless America.
- God bless America.

[CUTLERY SCRAPING]

There's a new episode of
Oh, Mija premiering tonight.

I don't suppose you'd like to...

If you'll excuse me, Daddy,

I'm gonna take this into my room.

I have to finish memorizing a
monologue for school tomorrow.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

[WOMAN] Excuse me.

Are you Archie Andrews?

I am. Yes.

I'm Geraldine Grundy.

I'm taking over from
Mrs. Thornton's class.

I hear you're a wonderful poet.

You... You did?

Mrs. Thornton was my
mentor at Mount Holyoke.

She said you were very special.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, Mrs... Mrs. Thornton's the best.

She is... the best.

I'm no Mrs. Thornton,

but if you would like to continue

working on your poetry with someone,

I would... be happy to help.

Wow.

Yeah, but, uh,

maybe we could keep
it quiet in between us?

There's a lot of people
who don't like the idea

of me writing poetry.

My uncle, who's also my
basketball coach, for one.

I understand.

- [CLEARS THROAT]
- Yeah.

[WHISPERING] It could
be our little secret.

- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
- [IN NORMAL VOICE] Archie...

Have you ever met a real poet?

Oh, gosh, no. No.

Don't they all live in New York?

[CHUCKLES]

No.

Not all of them.

My husband is a poet,

and he lives here with me.

If you like, I can give you a
collection of his poetry for you to read.

Well, sure.

That sounds swell,
Mrs. Grundy. Thank you.

[SHERIFF KELLER] This is all of it.

Everything we confiscated
from Jughead and Ethel's,

and the news dealers that are still

peddling comic books.

[DR. WERTHERS] We
have failed, gentlemen.

We have not yet been persuasive enough

in our crusade against comic books.

So now the...

the days of half measures are over.

I believe now is the moment for...

full measures.

You have something in mind?

Oh, yes.

Ah...

[VERONICA] The scene
I'll be performing today

is a monologue from King
Lear by William Shakespeare.

Lear has asked his daughter, Cordelia,

to profess her love for him.

To prove her devotion to him.

[INHALES DEEPLY]

[EXHALES]

Unhappy that I am...

I cannot heave my heart into my mouth.

I love Your Majesty.

According to my bond.

No more nor less.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

Good my Lord,

you have begot me,

bred me,

loved me.

I return those duties
back as are right fit.

Obey you,

love you...

[VOICE BREAKING] ... and most...

honor you.

Sure, I shall never
marry like my sisters.

To love my father all.

Hello, Daddy.

What's that, mija?

It's a signed affidavit

which confirms that we went to Cuba

on a father-daughter cigar buying trip.

Thank you, mija.

If anything will help
calm these troubled waters,

it's your word.

Well, I didn't do it for
you. I did it for Mom.

And by the way,

you have to be honest with her.

About Kelly.

And why are you asking this of me?

You may not be a communist,
but you are a philanderer.

And Mom does not deserve to
be disrespected in that way.

And trust me, if you
don't tell her, I will.

All right. I'll do it.

You're also going to sign

the Pembrooke's ownership over to me.

- [SCOFFS]
- Clear and outright.

I need to know that
I'll always have a home.

Even if it's not in Los
Angeles and not with you.

[CONTEMPLATIVE MUSIC PLAYING]

Okay.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Hi. Uh, I found this card in my PO box.

Can you tell me what it means?

Oh, we put those in the boxes

when we can't fit all
the mail in due to volume.

- Volume?
- Mm-hmm.

Someone's popular.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Have a nice day.

You, too.

You and Daddy must
have passed each other

flying through the air.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, now that you mention it, Veronica,

I did feel some turbulence.

With more to come, I'm afraid.

[SIGHS SOFTLY]

What's happening, Mom?

As soon as I get back to Los Angeles,

your father and I are going
to hold a press conference

announcing that the upcoming
season of Oh, Mija will be its last.

- Oh.
- Yes.

Your father will say a few words

and I'll say something like...

"It has been the honor of my life

bringing such joy and laughter

into the homes of our fans far and wide.

But after seven long seasons,

I am ready for something new."

Which is the truth.

Yes, I can imagine.

What we are not going to announce,

at least not until after
the last episode airs,

is that your father and
I are getting a divorce.

[MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING]

But what are you going to do, Mom?

What, without the show
or without your father?

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

I'm not sure.

But for the first time,
in a... very long time,

I'm excited for whatever
the future holds.

So one thing that I was thinking:

what about an East Coast Christmas?

It's been ages since we've done that.

Christmas in New York?

Just the two of us?

Just the two of us.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Hey, Dilton, what gives?

It's the kookiest thing, Jughead.

Principal Featherhead put out the word.

He's buying comic books off of us.

Uh-uh, uh-uh.

Featherhead must be
trying to dipsy-doodle us.

What, first he bans 'em
and now he wants to buy 'em?

What game is this? What...

Is Featherhead so desperate
to get 'em off our hands?

Who knows? But I've read these already,

so I figure, what's the harm?

[JUGHEAD] The dark truth behind
principal Featherhead's actions

wouldn't be revealed
until later that night.

[STUDENTS CLAMORING]

How does a fire start?

Sometimes, if you're not careful,

right on your front stoop.

[SINISTER MUSIC PLAYING]

[BELL CHIMES]