I accepted this appointment
for one reason.
To help improve the public
school system in this state.
I'm doing a feature article
on your dad.
Mind if I ask you
a few questions?
I guess it couldn't hurt.
We need men like you
in state government, Bradford.
Thank you, senator,
and I won't let you down.
- It was all a big mix-up.
- p*rn theater?
(Tom)
'Bradford linked
to p*rn theater?'
What do you want, Bradford?
I want you to stop
trying to crucify me.
I think I can do a good job.
Yeah, for who?
The public or your ego?
[theme song]
♪ There's a magic in
the early morning we've found ♪
♪ When the sunrise smiles
on everything around ♪
♪ It's a portrait
of the happiness ♪
♪ That we feel and always will ♪
♪ For eight is enough
to fill our lives with love ♪
♪ Oh we spend our days like
bright and shiny new dimes ♪
♪ If we're ever puzzled
by the changing times ♪
♪ There's a plate
of homemade wishes ♪
♪ On the kitchen windowsill ♪
♪ And eight is enough ♪
♪ To fill our lives with love ♪♪
- What's wrong with you?
- I hate life.
You think it's bad now,
wait till you hit puberty.
What a mess.
At least
they don't call you cute.
I'm sick and tired
of being called
cute, adorable, and precious.
Oh, some problem.
Well, you don't know,
what it's like being
patted on the hair
like a chihuahua.
- Come on.
- I'm serious.
And then they talk to you
like you're a chihuahua.
I think you're making a bigger
deal out of this than there is.
I'll keep that in mind
next time dad's boss comes over
pinches my cheek and says
"How's little
weeper snapper today?"
Makes me wanna barf.
I guess that could
get on your nerves.
You kidding?
I'm gonna have a breakdown.
Well, look, if it'll make you
feel any better
I don't think you're cute.
As a matter of fact, I find you
pretty disgusting sometimes.
- Really?
- Yeah, you gross me out a lot.
- Thanks.
- No sweat.
What about
the rest of the world?
I don't know.
Change your image, maybe.
- How do I do that?
- It won't be easy.
You got a lot to overcome
and you also risk
the chance of getting punished.
I don't care.
I'll do anything.
Okay, here's what you gotta do.
Well, d-did you find it?
Well, it's not
on the front page, dad.
It's not
on the feature section either.
- I can't find it anywhere.
- Gee.
Eliot said he was gonna put it
in a well-read section.
Oh, maybe it's next to sports.
I hardly think that an article
about a State Board
of Education appointee would be
next to the football stories.
Why not? When the governor
first picked you
it showed up next
to the obituaries, remember?
- I remember.
- People thought you were dead.
I remember.
But that was weeks ago.
I mean, people don't really
get interested in these things
until there's
a confirmation hearing.
Then it's really big news.
Oh, yeah, somebody coming back
from the grave to do a job
now that's human interest.
Well, I can't find it, dad,
but I'm sure you will.
I gotta go. Jeffrey has
a surprise story for me--
Oh, yes, maybe
it's my press conference.
The governor's
going to be there.
Uh, no, I don't think so, daddy.
He said it was something
real good.
[laughs]
Bye.
Nicholas, you better hurry up.
You're gonna be late.
I want the comics.
Nicholas, just, uh,
drink your milk
and get ready for school.
I'm ready for school,
I'm not drinking my milk
and I'm going to read
the comics.
Listen, young man, don't you
ever talk back to me like that?
Now I wanna see that glass
of milk empty in short order.
Okay.
- Nicholas.
- Nicholas!
- Hey, dad, dad.
- What?
- I found your article.
- Oh, where?
Right next to the comics.
Come on, Jeff, give,
what's the story?
Look, I've been giving it
a lot of thought.
I'm not sure you're ready
for an assignment like this.
What do you mean?
Of course, I'm ready.
I got another one here.
Almond haddock got--
Oh, no, no, no, forget it, Jeff.
I know your tactics.
I don't want the almond story.
I want the other one.
- Okay, if you insist.
- Yes, thank you.
Mr. Video Dating Center.
Yep, you go
through the program--
No, no, no, no,
you go through the program
like a regular client
but undercover.
Only the manager will know
you're a reporter.
You conned me.
It could be
a very interesting piece.
Video dating services are
getting to be very popular.
You know, you're gonna be
really sorry if I fall in love.
Good luck, Bradford.
Oh, you know, I'm known to get
very wrapped up in my work.
- Very, very wrapped up.
- Mm-hmm.
Uh, Jeff.
Wh-what was the almond story?
- Just an interview.
- Oh.
With the vice president
of the United States.
Oh.
(Tom)
'Well, you know, Eliot,
I am a little hurt.'
My own newspaper puts me
next to "Captain Crunch
And The Space Cookies."
Well, and it happens to be
a very popular comic strip, Tom.
You probably got
a lot of exposure.
- Sure, with ten year olds.
- Well, I don't know, Tom.
I happen to read
Commander Crunch myself.
- Why doesn't that surprise me?
- Oh, Tom, you're a newsman.
You know, the bigger the story,
the better the position it gets.
Front page,
"Chimpanzee escapes from zoo."
That's a big story?
Well, there's more to it
than that, Tom.
He was captured
in a ladies' hot tub.
Oh, well, I can hardly wait
to hear about it.
Did the monkey
have his clothes on?
Tom, it sells papers.
- Your appointment doesn't.
- Thanks.
Well, I don't mean
to be callous, Tom.
But after all, you have
been walking around here
the past couple of weeks as if
you were boarding Air Force One.
- I happen to be very honored.
- And so you should be.
I just don't want you to be
naive about it, that's all.
Now wait a minute. What,
what are you talking about?
Tom, let's just look at
the political reality of this.
The governor's been under
a lot of fire recently
because of a couple
of key appointments, right?
I suppose.
The last thing
in the world he wants
is a scandal, right?
And in the middle of all this
someone on the Board
of Education resigns.
What would you do?
Well, hire someone safe,
I guess.
Tom Bradford, an inexperienced
but popular columnist
who incidentally has recently
published a series of columns
on the importance of education.
No, it isn't important
why I got the appointment.
Now I'll be able to do
some of the things
I've been writing about.
I mean, a public education
is important enough
to warrant the attention
of the press.
I agree, Tom,
but don't expect so much.
It isn't Watergate.
Yeah, but you are
planning to cover
my press conference today,
aren't you?
- Of course.
- Thank you.
After all,
the governor will be there.
(male # )
'I'm telling you, Joannie'
Mr. Video can find a date
for anybody.
Nerds, klutzes, lowlife.
- Even normal people.
- Encouraging.
All we've done is to take the
techniques of computer dating
and add the advantages
of videotape.
People can now see
what they're getting.
Like a meat market.
Meat market is unfair, Joannie.
We do much more than that here.
Like a deli then?
Look, I know you're skeptical,
but we've been responsible
for some very successful
relationships.
Oh, really?
You know, Joannie,
one of our couples
is celebrating
their sixth week anniversary.
Do you call that successful?
This is California,
Joannie, California.
Oh.
Oh, excuse me. Pardon me.
Tom, I'm Barry Hopper
assistant press liaison
under the governor.
I'm sorry, I'm late, but we are
running way behind schedule.
- Oh, I'm sure, the governor--
- Very good.
Now as soon as
the governor gets here
I'll introduce him.
He'll make a brief statement
and introduce you.
You'll make a brief statement
and introduce me.
Make your answers
vague, accurate.
- And most importantly--
- Brief.
- Brief. Very good, very good.
- Uh-huh.
Oh, thank you.
Uh, oh, good news, Tom.
The governor can't make it.
This could just put us
right back on schedule.
Excuse me. Uh, could I
have your attention, please?
'Attention, please.'
"Unfortunately, the governor
was called into a meeting
"at the last minute and won't
be able to join us today.
'"However, he wanted me
to pass on to you'
'"how pleased he is
to have Tom Bradford'
'"as his appointee
to the Board of Education'
'"and is confident that
the Senate Rules Committee'
'"will recommend
unanimous confirmation'
after tomorrow's hearing."
Well, I've said enough.
Now it's time for you
to find out for yourself
a little more about Tom
and what he stands for.
Tom.
And I enjoy men
who are compassionate
and dedicated
and who are sensitive
to the needs of others.
Well, what do you think?
I think it sounds
like I wanna go out
with Cardinal Cushing.
Nonsense. That's a great tape.
Oh, what happens next?
We put your tape
in the new material section
of our computer date bank.
That's the first place
our regulars look
when they come in here.
- Well, they come in often?
- Are you kidding?
By this time tomorrow, or
of our clients
will have seen your tape.
- That many?
- Yeah.
Meanwhile, you can be doing
a little looking on your own.
Now here's a list of names
the computers determine you
to be compatible with.
- Right here.
- Henrietta Weintraub?
This is California,
Joannie, California.
What sort of reading material
do you feel the student
should be exposed to
at the grade school level?
Well, uh, all kinds, really.
Uh, but only if
they are wholesome
and have value, of course.
Including those
of an entertainment nature?
Yeah, I don't see why not.
But only in addition
to their regular textbooks.
It's like a newspaper.
I don't mind my -year-old son
reading the comics
just so long as he takes
a look at the front page.
Oh, well put, Tom. Well put. Uh,
I'm afraid we're out of time.
Thank you all for coming.
- Hi.
- Hi. How did it go?
- Well, it was interesting.
- Interesting how?
Like the same way,
it's interesting to watch
the judge's face
when he sentences you
to the electric chair.
You're exaggerating.
Me and one reporter
is not an exaggeration.
The worst part is,
it was a reporter
from "The Evening Tribune."
Well, maybe he'll give you
a good write-up.
Here's the paper, Mr. Bradford.
Oh, yes, thank you.
Nicholas, I wanna talk to you
about your behavior
this morning.
Yeah, you made
the front page.
Jeremy, that's wonderful,
but I wanna talk to Nic..
- Wha, the front page?
- Yeah, the front page.
The front page?
'Oh, no.'
Tom, if "The Register" printed
an article defending you
against the "Trib," it will
just look like favoritism.
But it would clear up the facts.
I don't know about that.
It might equate more people
with a misquote.
Alright, you may be right, but
let me just point out one thing.
If the "Register" reporter
had stuck around long enough
to digest his free donuts
this whole thing might
never have happened.
Tom, I'm sorry.
It was a very busy news day.
Oh, let me guess, the chimpanzee
was so happy with his hot tub
that he opened up his own spa?
Grand openings
are very newsworthy, Tom.
I promised to cover
your confirmation
and I'm going to do it.
But you also promised to have
a seasoned reporter. No rookies.
- A seasoned reporter, Tom.
- Thank you.
None of them wanted
to go out with me?
- None?
- Hey, relax, Joannie.
You only picked seven names.
But there were only eight
on the list.
Look, Joannie, don't take this
so personally.
Four of these guys are already
involved with somebody.
One will only go out
with girls with tattoos.
Another's in the hospital
with a ruptured lip.
Well, that's only six.
What about the other one?
He's got his heart set
on Henrietta.
'Look, Joannie,
don't be discouraged.'
The compatibility list
is only the starting point.
We have over male clients
here at Mr. Video.
- Okay.
- 'That's my girl.'
I want you to check back
with me around o'clock.
A lot of the regulars stop in
during their lunch hour
to check out the new material.
Okay. Around : .
You're bound to have something
by then. I just know it.
Tom, Tom, I'm sorry, I'm late,
but we're running--
(both)
'Way behind schedule.'
Very good.
Uh, Tom,
before the hearing begins
there's something I think
we need to talk about.
Yes, last night's paper.
Uh, Tom, this appointment is
very important to the governor.
We'd like to see it go smoothly.
Now you know as well as I do
that the "Tribune"
distorted what I said.
Yes, they did, but you have
to be aware of that possibility
every time you open your mouth.
Look, I always say
what's on my mind.
I do it in my columns
and I will continue to do it
on the Board of Education.
I'm not asking you
to compromise yourself
but there are several different
ways to say the same thing.
Some ways are safer
than others, right?
Very good.
Let me remind you
of one thing.
I am not a politician.
I don't care about the
governor's political problems.
I accepted this appointment
for one reason.
To help improve the public
school system in this state.
And all I ask is you do not
blow the opportunity.
Any trace of scandal,
any minor slip of the tongue
has the potential
of mushrooming.
We better get going.
The schedule, you know?
The, oh, yeah, the schedule.
Yes, let's go.
Sit down, Nicholas.
You know why you were
sent to my office?
'Cause you were lonely?
Think hard.
'Cause I told Mrs. Rogers
to sit on it?
That was very good, Nicholas.
Very good.
Thanks.
Now maybe you can answer
another question.
'What do you think I should do
about this situation?'
Let bygones be bygones.
Nicholas, for the last two days
your behavior
has been deplorable.
'The only reason you haven't
been sent here earlier'
is because of your clean record.
So what's the problem?
Overcrowding. That's it.
Too many people make me tense.
I see.
You're sure now.
That is the problem?
Well, I think I can
help you out, Nicholas.
How would you like me to fix it,
so that you can be away
from all those other kids
once in a while?
- That'd be great.
- Then it's settled.
For the next month, you will
stay inside during recess.
'Then while everyone else
is outside playing ball'
'and getting on
each other's nerves'
'you can really have
a chance to be alone.'
On second thought,
I think the problem's
a little more deeper
than just overcrowding.
Tough.
But see, you don't understand.
I don't wanna--
Nicholas, sit on it.
(Barry)
'Now you won't have to worry
about Senator Theil.'
He'll just ask a lot
of stupid questions
like have you ever been
a member of the n*zi party?
- You haven't, have you?
- Of course not.
Alright, now Senator Braff
is another story.
You'll think he's in a coma,
but don't let that fool you.
Well, I've never been fooled by
a comatose person in my life.
Very good. Excuse me?
Excuse me?
Oh, Cal. Cal Fitzpatrick.
Hi. Tom Bradford.
We worked together years ago.
- Don't remember ya.
- It was on the old "Gazette."
I was just a cub reporter
and you were--
Don't wanna remember you.
Hey, Tom,
we're going to be late.
Oh, yeah, but I..
Gosh I thought you retired?
Just doing Eliot Randolph
a favor.
- Eliot?
- Got called short-handed.
Needed a man
to cover some, uh, hearing.
We really are going to be late.
- What, not this hearing?
- Yeah.
Some joker named,
uh, Tom, Tom--
- Tom Bradford.
- Told ya, I don't remember ya.
- Come on, let's go.
- But--
No, it could be worse.
At least I heard the guy
from the "Trib" isn't here.
Joannie, how's the story coming?
Oh, it's great, Jeff.
It's great.
I think you were right.
It's gonna be a really
interesting piece.
You still don't
have a date, huh?
Yeah, that's what makes it
so interesting.
Hey, come on. Cheer up!
I'm sure someone
will go out with you.
There's a lot of hard-up guys
out there.
Thanks a lot, Jeff.
I feel better already.
Mr. Bradford, um, are you now
or have you ever been a member
of the n*zi party?
No.
- Would you like to be?
- No.
Have you ever seen
"Hogan's Heroes?"
Begging the senator's pardon,
but I don't see how this has
any bearing on my appointment.
But obviously the senator's more
experienced on these matters
so I will defer
to your good judgment.
Mr. Bradford,
what was this garbage
all about in last night's paper?
'Comics in school?'
Oh, yes, I'm glad
you brought that up, senator.
And I'm especially happy
that there is a representative
of the press here to see
that the record is straight.
[snores]
Oh, for Pete's sakes.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm, uh, Bruce Taylor.
I'm with "The Tribune."
I'm doing a feature article
on your dad.
Mind if I ask you
a few questions?
- What kind of questions?
- Just, uh, biographical stuff.
When he was born, where he
grew up, things like that.
- Well--
- 'I'd really appreciate it.'
See, if I go back
to my editor empty-handed
he's gonna come down
on me pretty hard.
Oh, I guess it couldn't hurt.
Come on in.
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
Well, Mr. Bradford,
I think that covers everything.
'You'll know our recommendation
in a few days.'
- Fine.
- However..
Yes, senator?
I, for one, am going to vote
that we, uh, recommend
unanimous confirmation.
You are?
We need men like you
in state government, Bradford.
People who will set a fine moral
example to the youth of today.
Thank you, senator,
and I won't let you down.
This committee is now adjourned
until : p.m. tomorrow.
- It went well, huh?
- It went better than well.
Braff is the chairman.
He carries a lot of weight.
You're practically a shoo-in.
Congratulations, Tom.
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
- So that's it?
- That's it.
That wasn't so hard, was it?
Ah, I have, uh, just
one more question, Elizabeth.
What kind of a father
would you say your dad is?
Oh, I don't know.
Um, he's kind and he's patient.
You know, he's a good father.
And he's always set
a good example for us kids.
- Always?
- Yeah, always.
Not according to my sources.
I don't know
what you're talkin' about.
- 'I think you do.'
- No, I don't.
Okay, uh, I'm just going
to have to write the article
with the information I have.
'Unfortunately, it's gonna
make him look sort of bad.'
Well, thank you
for your time, Elizabeth.
Uh, wait a minute.
You wouldn't be talking
about that ridiculous
stock merger, would you?
'I mean, that's
the only possible thing--'
That's exactly
what I'm talking about
but according to my sources,
it wasn't so ridiculous.
Oh, come on. He didn't
even know that he owned it.
It was all a big mix-up.
You don't believe that, do you?
Of course, I do.
You should have heard him scream
when he found out
that the place was a..
p*rn theater? p*rn theater?
- Dad, wait a minute.
- I can't believe this.
- Dad, he tricked me.
- p*rn theater.
Daddy, you didn't do
anything wrong.
Well, try explaining that
to all the people
that read the "Evening Tribune".
Uh, "Bradford linked
to p*rn theater!"
Do you have any idea what this
could mean to my appointment?
I'm sure if Elizabeth had known
that this could possibly
have happened, she would
never have talked to the guy.
Yeah, well, now they know,
now she knows, everybody knows!
You know, this appointment
really meant a lot to me.
Look, kids, in the future,
please don't talk to the press.
Just tell them, no comment.
But, dad,
wouldn't that look like
we're trying to cover
something up?
Maybe, but it would be
a whole lot better
than uncovering something
like this!
Jeremy, how much longer
do I have to keep this up?
Till you permanently change
everybody's opinion of you.
Stop now and they'll just
think it was a stage.
But it's a lot of hard work
getting everyone disgusted.
You think I don't know?
Sometimes I feel like
chucking it all myself.
Really?
Yeah, but then I think
of the alternative.
I'd be nice.
Jeremy, I don't think
that's possible.
That's easy for you to say.
You like me.
What about the others?
Before you know it,
they'll be petting me
like a chihuahua.
People can be cruel.
Yeah, well, Nicholas,
don't stop.
You know, anything worth
doing is worth doing right.
- Right?
- Right.
Now when's the last time
you took a shower?
Two days ago.
Good, you should start to smell
soon, which will help.
(Jeffrey)
'I think you're just
feeling sorry for yourself.'
(Joannie)
'Well, how would you feel?'
Look, I'm sure there's
a very simple explanation
why you haven't been
able to get a date.
Yeah, I'm sure there is.
I got a boring personality.
Unattractive features,
big pores.
That's ridiculous.
Oh, I don't expect you
to understand, Jeffrey.
You have such tiny,
cute little pores.
Are you forgetting something?
Are you forgetting
that I, Tiny Pore Trout
happen to have
a very big crush on you?
- Doesn't that say something?
- Yeah.
- What?
- You had to settle.
- Oh, come on. This is crazy.
- Crazy?
Then can you explain
why klutzes
nerds and lowlifes
have passed me by?
Yes, you're too sophisticated
for those people.
They see your tape,
they get real scared.
- Scared?
- Uh, no.
I'd, I don't mean
scared like that.
- I-I mean frightened.
- Oh.
No, frightened is not
what I meant at all.
- Horrified.
- No.
- Disgusted.
- No, Joannie, come on.
Look, what do you say
we just can the whole story
chalk it up to a fluke
and let it go at that?
- Repulsed.
- No.
I'll get a thesaurus.
Tom, are you gonna
talk to Nicholas?
Tonight. Right now,
I'm gonna have a little talk
with that "Tribune" reporter.
You know, I think
you were a little rough
on the kids last night.
Yeah, I guess I was.
But they've gotta realize
the implications
of something like that.
If these things keep happening
it's gonna put the appointment
in jeopardy.
[telephone rings]
Hello? Yes, just a minute.
It's Barry Harper.
- Barry, I-I guess you heard?
- You could say that.
Half the reporters in Sacramento
are outside my office.
It's a distortion, Barry.
A big distortion.
You can check
the facts yourself.
I already did.
Now look, I think I can smooth
things over this time
but you have got to put a lid
on this kind of junk.
- I know.
- Alright.
Now, look, I did some research
on that reporter from the "Trib"
and I came up with something
very interesting.
My column isn't up to
its usual standards today.
But then of course, I've been
under a lot of pressure lately.
Mind if I sit down?
Thank you.
You know a friend of mine
from the "Trib"
told me that I might
find you here.
You'll understand, of course,
if I don't mention his name?
What do you want, Bradford?
Oh, oh, I'm glad you asked.
Generally, I would like you to
live up to your responsibility
as a writer.
Specifically, I want you
to stop trying to crucify me.
Look, I don't have
anything against you.
They send me out on a story,
I cover it.
By the time they rewrite 'em and
the editor get through with it
I don't know
how it's gonna come out myself.
Oh, I think you have
a pretty good idea.
Listen, Taylor, this appointment
means a lot to me.
I think I can do a good job.
Yeah, for who?
The public or your ego?
I'm trying to reason with you.
I'm trying to hold on to my job!
For some of us,
that means a lot too.
Especially since you were fired
from your last job
because of incompetence.
You don't know
all the facts about that.
Welcome to the club.
This discussion is finished,
Mr. Bradford.
That all depends.
It could be just the beginning.
My column is on page one.
Sometimes it can prove
very lively reading.
That's playing pretty dirty
for you, Bradford.
I agree.
But that seems to be
the only kind of play
that you respond to, Mr. Taylor.
Now this guy really wants
to go out with me?
He really wants
to go out with you.
Okay.
Hi. Uh, my name is Bill Kendall.
I'm afraid there's not a lot
to tell about myself.
Uh, I graduated Harvard law
last year...barely
and, uh, my job
with a local law firm
keeps me pretty busy now.
Maybe that's because
I haven't found the right girl
to tear me away.
'Uh, anyway, I do enjoy'
'the movies, uh,
and especially the theater.'
The theater.
You're sure this guy
wants to go out with me?
As soon as possible.
(Bill on TV)
'I'm pretty athletic.
Uh, I like to ski a lot.'
'I'm just learning to play
a pretty good game of tennis.'
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Is something wrong?
- No, no.
What's the matter?
Did the "Trib" print
another story again?
As a matter of fact, they don't
even mention my name.
No new story,
no follow-up story. Nothing.
Well, that's good. So your talk
with the reporter helped.
Yeah. I guess it did.
Well, you don't seem
very happy about it.
- Why the long face?
- No, no, I am happy.
It's just, well you know,
it wasn't a very pleasant talk.
Hmm. Oh, I see.
But it's gonna be good, I mean,
all the things you wanna do
the changes you wanna make.
You've always said that if it's
important enough to believe in
it's important enough
to fight for.
You're right.
The important thing
is getting the appointment.
And I am getting
the appointment.
Means a lot to you,
doesn't it?
I always felt cheated
about my schooling.
Eight grades in one room.
No college.
For someone like me
to be given this opportunity..
...I can't let it
get away from me.
And I won't.
I just couldn't
hold it in anymore.
Oh, don't worry about it.
Oh, I usually don't shriek
like that. Did I embarrass you?
No, but I think it gave
Juliet a heart att*ck.
I know!
Why was such an old woman
playing Juliet?
I don't know. What was Juliet
doing in "Hamlet?"
I had a good time tonight,
Joannie.
Oh, I'm glad. So did I.
You know, Joannie,
before tonight
I didn't think
I'd be able to find someone.
- Oh, I know what you mean.
- I could get dates, sure.
But no one I can really be
comfortable with like you.
Really?
Then a friend suggested
I try Mr. Video.
- I was skeptical, of course.
- Of course.
But I was so lonely, Joannie.
I was ready to try anything.
And it all paid off tonight
in a big way.
Um..
Bill, there was, um, something
I was gonna tell you later
that I think is better said now.
I know exactly
what you mean, Joannie.
I think we're both
feeling the same thing.
No, no, what I mean
is why I'm here.
Why I came to Mr. Video.
You see, actually I--
Joannie, it's nothing
to be embarrassed about.
- No--
- Mr. Video brought us together.
- But, Bill, what I'm--
- It's all that really counts.
No, I--
For the first time in my life,
I am really happy.
(Tom)
'Uh, Nicholas, I think
that we should have'
one of our little talks.
I'm really not
in the mood, dad.
Oh, well, now
that is unfortunate, isn't it?
[sniffs]
[groans]
Nicholas.
Whatever happened
to the nice, well-mannered
clean, young man who used
to call himself my son?
I don't know
what you're talking about.
Oh.
Well, then let me
express myself more clearly.
You are disrespectful..
...sarcastic, rude, fresh, lazy
dirty, unkempt, poorly dressed
and furthermore, you smell!
Dad, I have my faults.
That's all you have
to say for yourself?
Nicholas, tomorrow morning
either my old son
comes down those stairs
or your new father comes up.
You're new,
not-so-lenient father.
Do you understand?
I don't care
what you do to me.
I'm not going back
to being cute.
Never, no matter what.
What? Cute?
Oh! So that's what
this is all about.
Oh, Nicholas.
That's so silly.
Yeah? Then so is
the newspaper stuff.
- What are you talking about?
- It's the same thing, dad.
People are trying to make you
something you're not.
You don't like it, do you?
No, I don't.
Then you know how I feel.
Dad, Mr. Hopper's downstairs.
I think it's important.
(Tom)
'Barry, hi!'
Come on into the study.
We'll have a--
Uh, thanks, I can't stay.
- Is something wrong?
- Uh..
The p*rn story was hotter
than I thought, Tom.
Yeah,
but you straightened it out.
Well, this time, but we might
not be as lucky the next time
something like this comes up.
Why does there have
to be a next time?
We took care of Taylor,
my family knows enough not to--
Tom, ever since
that story broke
my phone has been
ringing off the hook.
Every reporter in town wants
a Tom Bradford story now.
Well, then now is the time
to tell them what I stand for.
- The things that I wanna do.
- Tom, be realistic.
You're not a knight
in shining armor.
In the media's eyes, you are
a questionable public figure.
Someone to be exposed!
Well, then let's change
that opinion.
We'll have, uh, another
press conference.
It's-it's too late for that.
You're an issue now.
It's exactly what
the governor wanted to avoid.
He wants me to withdraw,
doesn't he?
Doesn't he?
I'm sorry, Tom.
(Tom)
'Yes, governor, I do understand
the political realities'
but when you offered me
this position, you said
that you felt as strongly
about education as I felt.
Well, look,
if that's still the case
isn't it worth
taking a chance?
Governor, I know I can
win those reporters over
if you'll just
let me try, please?
Oh, thank you, governor!
Right, bye.
Now, you realize the governor
is putting himself
on the line for you.
I realize it.
Now the next step is a press
conference at your house today.
Today?
'The sooner we turn this
thing around, the better.'
But it's Saturday, I mean--
Tom, this is still a long sh*t.
Changing people's minds
isn't easy.
We'll, uh, we'll portray you
as the innocent victim.
- I am the innocent victim!
- Well, good, that'll help.
Now, Tom, listen.
You have got to follow
my instructions to the letter.
- I understand.
- This is our last chance.
We can't afford
one little slip-up
from you or your family.
Are you sure
this is the right time?
Maybe he needs to be alone.
No, he needs to know
we're behind him.
Oh, good, you're here.
- The governor has reconsidered.
- Tom, that's great!
So there gonna have
a press conference here today
and Mr. Harper's coming over
to give you all instructions.
Instructions?
Well, you know,
on your behavior and all.
Mr. Harper's concerned
about our behavior?
Yes, and so am I. We have
to be at our very best.
We have to act our best
and look our best.
And you can't say anything
that's going to
embarrass your father.
- Tom, what would we say that--
- Come on, Abby!
Get the house ready.
Let's go, kid!
(Joannie)
'Oh, no, I do love them.'
'All of them!'
Yes. No, it's just that I can't
talk right now, Bill, okay?
And listen, um, would you
try not to call as often?
Right. The receptionist is
getting a little irritated.
No. Disguising your voice
will not help, Bill.
Goodbye.
Oh, gee.
If Ronald Reagan calls,
I'm not in.
I can't believe you told this
guy you were just a secretary.
Oh, Jeffrey. He said he was
so lonely before he met me.
I was afraid
the truth would hurt him.
I can't understand how he could
be this much in love anyway.
Well, thanks a lot!
Joannie, you only had
one date with him.
So? It happens.
Tell him you're a reporter doing
a story and get it over with.
The longer you wait,
the worse it's gonna be.
- You're right. Poor guy.
- I was talking about me.
- You're jealous.
- Just tell him!
- You're jealous.
- Just tell him!
He's jealous!
Now at exactly p.m.
the caterer will deliver
the deli plates.
I've already selected
three strategic locations
for food placement, so you
don't have to worry about that.
Gee, thanks.
What a load off my mind!
At p.m.,
you should all be down here
'and ready for inspection.'
'Just a word of warning!'
No T-shirts, no jeans
no cut-offs and no cleavage.
- Cleavage?
- Exactly.
Now at : ,
the Mike Sullivan orchestra
will start setting up
their equipment, uh
about over in here I think.
We're going to have
an orchestra?
Well, uh, actually
it's just a quartet
but they have
a very big sound.
Now at : , the press
will begin to show up.
Greet them with a smile
and a firm handshake.
- No courtesy?
- No, it might look too proper.
Remember, you're just
an ordinary normal family.
Be friendly, cheerful, courteous
but above all, act natural.
Otherwise, you'll seem phony
and it'll look like
we staged the whole thing.
See you at : .
(Abby)
'Oh, great!'
Now, Tom,
what about the small one?
The one who called me a moron?
I'm sorry about that,
Barry, it's just that
well, Nicholas has been
having a few problems.
But what are we going
to do about him?
I'm sure he'll stay in his room.
And what if he doesn't?
What if he decides to come down
and spit on people?
'Insult them? Who knows what?'
Well, I-I think
that Nicholas realizes
how important this is to me.
'Just as I realize how important
this situation is to him.'
I think that he, uh, he realizes
that you don't solve
your problem by creating another
problem for someone else.
I sure hope you're right, Tom.
Yeah, so do I.
So do I.
Mr. Harper already called, dad.
Yes. I know
how important it is, dad.
Yes.
Family unity.
No cleavage.
Dad, I promised I would be there
and I'll be there, okay?
Alright. See you later. Bye.
Bill, what are you doing here?
I tried to call,
but couldn't get through.
Do you realize that operator
hung up on Ronald Reagan
Gerald Ford and Richard Nixon?
She's a democrat.
I need to talk to you, Joannie.
I need to talk to you too.
Is there someplace
where we can be alone?
- Joannie, I want--
- Uh, Bill.
Before you say anything
there's a confession
that I need to make.
- Joannie, I know.
- What?
I've known from the beginning.
That's what I came
here to tell you.
Well, what exactly
do you know?
That you're a reporter,
not a secretary
and you're doing a piece
on video dating services.
- You know.
- I've known all along.
Mr. Roth told me
before we went out.
In fact, he, uh, hired me
to go out with you.
- He hired you? Why?
- You couldn't get a date.
That's not very good press
for a business
that claims it can find dates
for anyone.
'And, uh, he told me
to pretend that I'm--'
- That you're crazy about me.
- But I do like you, Joannie.
That's why I couldn't keep
putting you on like this--
Oh, this is so humiliating.
I really am fond of you.
- Oh, I couldn't get a date?
- Joannie, if you just--
Do they have to pay somebody
to go out with me?
Nerds, klutzes, lowlifes,
but not me!
[indistinct chatter]
Oh, yes, this is good.
Very good.
Well, on the seventh day,
he rest.
- Well, Tom, this is it!
- Oh!
- Well, I wanna tell everybody--
- No, better to save it, Tom.
You might peak emotionally and
have nothing left for the press.
Oh, uh, places.
Places, places, everyone.
Places, places.
[indistinct chatter]
[instrumental music]
Alright. Take a breath.
Smile. Here we go.
- Hi, there.
- Hi.
My name is Tom Bradford.
I'm-I'm..
Where's the..
It's okay, I'll find it.
[indistinct chatter]
I'm, uh, yeah, he had to..
- I want somethin' to drink.
- Me too.
You're too upset
to go anywhere.
- I promised my father.
- Your father will understand.
Let me take you out for lunch
and convince you
how ridiculous all this is!
I gotta get home.
It's very important
to him that I be there.
Listen to me.
I guarantee you a date anytime.
I don't even need
to see your tape.
Thanks, Jeff.
[telephone rings]
Oh. Look.
Would you take a message
for me? I'm late.
Hello.
No, she's not here,
but I could--
Look, I gotta tell her.
It was all a mistake.
- A computer error.
- Computer error?
Alright. I'll have her call you.
[sighs]
[indistinct chatter]
Cheeseballs?
Uh, no, thank you, honey.
- Uh, uh, Tom, Tom?
- Yes?
Meet Bill Stahl,
K-U-R-D, Kurd Radio.
He's a jogging freak,
you know, just like you.
- No kidding. Just like me.
- Yes.
Say, maybe the two of you
could run tomorrow.
Get to know each other.
Bill's a friend
of the governor, you know.
That's a good idea.
I'm up for miles tomorrow.
No kidding. miles.
Would you like
some more cheeseballs?
But, you see, I've decided
to go to college now.
See, dad has taught me
the value of a good education.
And what about you, young man?
What do you wanna be
when you grow up?
Like you, mister,
I think I'd like to be a..
[clears throat]
...writer,
just like Mr. Bradford.
Get a little lonesome
sometimes, do you?
No. No, actually,
I-I keep very busy.
And, uh, well,
whenever we're both at work
Tom and I, well, we-we keep
very close in spirit.
Yes, well, if you,
um, ever decide
to give up the ghost.
Uh, it was very nice
talking to you.
I-I, I have to go.
I-I have..
There's some..
I.. In the kitchen.
Hi, excuse me.
I-I don't think we've met.
I'm Mary Bradford,
Tom Bradford's daughter.
- Who?
- Tom Bradford.
I think he's going
to make a great member
on the Board of Education.
Tom Bradford.
The name sounds familiar.
Oh, this is Tom Bradford
right here.
- Say, I think I--
- Uh, forget it.
Now this is the way to throw
a press conference, Tom.
You're learning.
- Taylor.
- Being here wasn't my idea.
Don't worry, I just
wanna hold on to my job.
Nothing more.
- Joannie, where have you been?
- I'm sorry, dad.
I mean, everybody else
manages to get here on time.
- Why can't you?
- I'm sorry, dad. I'm sorry.
- Why, is anythin' wrong?
- No.
Joannie, i-if you don't want
to mingle, you don't have to.
No, this is much
more important than..
Really, I'll be fine.
Oh, I'm Joannie Bradford.
- Tom?
- Oh, yes.
Tom, where are you going?
Nicholas has been
up in his room all day.
I just wanted to see
if he's still there.
Yeah, later, Tom.
It's time to make a statement
and take some questions.
- This won't take long.
- Tom.
We're running out
of cheeseballs
and the scotch is almost sh*t.
We better do it now
before we lose our audience.
I think you're forgetting
how important this is, Tom.
We have them right
where we want them.
'Let's not blow it now.'
Um, ladies and gentlemen, uh
may I have
your attention, please?
Quiet, please.
Quiet, quiet, quiet.
Ladies and gentlemen
of the press
Tom Bradford.
And in case any of you
have any plans about leaving
well, you're in trouble because
I've bolted all the doors.
'You're all trapped.'
I know I've had a lot
of problems with the press
in the past, but, I-I think
that today has cleared that up.
We should all work..
(all)
'Aww.'
What an adorable little boy!
Isn't he just the cutest thing
you've ever seen?
[indistinct chatter]
I-I would like you all
to meet my..
...son Nicholas.
He made
a very big sacrifice tonight.
In fact, he,
he compromised to principle.
'It was very important to him.'
'I'm not sure
exactly why he did it'
except that he knew
how important
this conference was to me.
The fact is I've been
doing a lot of compromising
myself lately.
Only..
...not because
of someone I loved.
Because of something I wanted.
You see,
somewhere down the line
something happened to me.
'I started wanting
this appointment'
'a little too much'
'at the expense
of everything else.'
'A seat
on the Board of Education'
'is a wonderful thing'
'but it's not as wonderful
as my principles'
'or my family.'
'The education of children
is a great responsibility.'
One that I hope that you'll
all pay more attention to
in the future.
But for me, the..
...the responsibility
of my family is something
that I have to pay
my attention to right now.
For these reasons..
...I'm announcing my intentions
to withdraw my name
from consideration
as the governor's appointee
'to the State Board
of Education.'
[indistinct chatter]
I, uh, I just have
one more thing to say
and I'm afraid
this is going to be
even a bigger shock
to all of you.
[sighs]
We're out of cheeseballs.
[laughter]
Oh, we love you.
Listen, buddy, I don't
wanna have to say it again.
My sister doesn't
wanna go out with you.
Yeah, well, same to you too.
- A blank tape?
- Yeah.
The computer got all screwed up.
Every time
somebody punched my number
all they got
was a blank screen.
[telephone rings]
- I'll get it.
- Oh, thanks, Nicholas.
Funny thing
was one guy saw my tape
and he almost asked me out.
(Nicholas)
'No, she's not interested.'
Mr. Ross said he was looking
for a real low-key kind of girl.
- Oh.
- Low-key.
Joannie?
- 'It's another one.'
- Well, you know what to do.
Right.
- Another one?
- Yeah.
Ever since they put
the real tape back in
all kinds of guys
have been calling here.
Yeah, well, I thought
they couldn't call you
until you looked
at their tape.
Yeah, usually. Bill Kendall
thinks he's doing me a favor.
He post it
on the bulletin board.
- Get rid of him?
- No, he's still on the phone.
Well, didn't you tell him
I don't wanna go out?
- Yeah.
- Well, what does he want?
He wants to know
if you have Henrietta's number.
[theme music]
05x09 - Bradfordgate
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The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.
The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.