What exactly are we talking
about, Mr. Koppel?
The Unified Charities Telethon.
'Stars. I want this telethon
to be a blockbuster.'
♪ What are we gonna do? ♪
[club music]
♪ But if the child inside
could lead us ♪
♪ Innocence no wills to w*r.. ♪
♪ That blind fool in me.. ♪
[theme song]
♪ There's a magic ♪
♪ In the early morning
we've found ♪
♪ When the sunrise smiles ♪
♪ On everything around ♪
♪ It's a portrait
of the happiness ♪
♪ That we feel
and always will ♪
♪ For eight is enough ♪
♪ To fill our lives with love ♪
♪ Oh we spend our days ♪
♪ Like bright and shiny
new dimes ♪
♪ If we're ever puzzled
by the changing times ♪
♪ There's a plate
of homemade wishes ♪
♪ On the kitchen windowsill ♪
♪ And eight is enough ♪
♪ To fill our lives with love ♪
[instrumental music]
(Tommy)
'Forget it, Jeremy,
we don't need your help.'
Our band manages itself.
Yeah, right into "never heard
of 'em," that's my point.
You should be concentrating
on your music
and let me worry about
getting you the gigs.
- You?
- 'Yeah.'
Your talents need promoting
and my talent is promoting.
That's what dad said.
Look, Jeremy,
I hate to hurt your feelings
but you're way
out of your league.
Why don't you try
mowing lawns or something?
- You're rejecting me?
- I'm rejecting you.
Yeah, but I'm not accepting
your rejection.
I don't even know
the meaning of the word.
'That's why
I'll be the perfect manager.'
No, Jeremy,
I need a professional.
Alright, I'll tell you
what, Tommy
I'll give you a free sample.
I'll get you a gig.
You don't even have to
pay me commission
until I get you the second one.
What do you have to lose?
My time. And I don't wanna waste
anymore talking about it.
I-I won't talk about it again
until I get you work, okay?
And if you don't get me work
then you'll stay shut up?
- Right.
- 'Great.'
I could you a few decades
of you being silent.
So does that mean
he is your manager or isn't he?
- Yes.
- I wouldn't bet on it.
That's what I thought.
(Koppel)
'And then it came to me, a light
bulb flashing Joannie Bradford.'
A light bulb? Really?
Joannie Bradford
and I said right.
After all, you've been asking
for more challenging
assignments.
That I have, Mr. Koppel.
And you were trained
in the performing arts.
Theater.
And Trisha Prentiss
in programming
who is supposed to be doing this
eloped with farm news anchorman.
Oh. What exactly are
we talking about, Mr. Koppel?
Oh, the Unified Charities
Telethon.
Really?
I-I'm sure you read the memo
announcing my appointment as
Sacramento chairman this year.
Oh, I'm sure I have. Great memo.
Trusting you
with this assignment
is trusting you
with my reputation.
I'll do the best I can.
Joannie, this is going
to require both our best.
Money is tight, Joannie.
People aren't giving
like they used to.
We are gonna have to come up
with a show
that will,
A, grab a big audience
and B, grab their bucks.
How do we do that?
I can tell you
there's only one way.
- With stars. With big stars.
- Oh.
I want this telethon
to be a blockbuster.
I want the biggest names
in show business.
How do we get 'em?
Joannie, when you work
in harness with me
you'll learn very quickly
that I set the policy..
...and then I let my associates
have complete freedom
to carry it out.
Any questions?
- Well..
- Good.
I'm sure we're gonna
make a great team.
(male # )
'You ever set lease before?'
- Nope.
- 'You're gonna love it.'
Particularly, since
you're keeping the big bedroom.
What I love is not having to
scramble so hard for the rent.
Yeah, sure helps out
the old lifestyle.
Well, I guess we're roommates.
Oh, wait, y-you do understand
the rule about privacy?
Right. You live your life,
I live mine.
No advice, no meddling,
no kvetching.
If we wanted those things,
we'd both still be married.
[chuckling]
Alright.
How about Jane Fonda?
- Burt Reynolds?
- Or Donny Osmond?
Well, thanks
for your suggestions
but where do I find
these people?
Jane Fonda's not exactly
in the "Yellow Pages."
Well, I can call Ben Catron.
Oh, your advertising friend.
Yeah, he-he's from LA
and he know scads of people.
So, uh,
what are we talking about?
Well, Joannie's
assistant producing
a telethon for Channel .
And we're assistant
assistant, I guess.
Yeah, telethon?
Oh, what are you doing
about the music?
I can, maybe, talk Tommy
into bringing on his group.
Oh, no, Jeremy,
we've got the Old Opera House
to broadcast from
and we're gonna have
a huge studio audience
so Mr. Koppel wants
just big stars, only.
Well, with proper management
Tommy will be the biggest.
Jeremy, I couldn't suggest it.
We need names.
- Fleetwood Mac.
- Bruce Springsteen.
- How about Neil Diamond?
- Oh.
Neil Diamond?
You really think so?
Yeah, pencil him in.
But Tommy says he doesn't wanna
hear about you managing him.
He'll wanna hear about this.
Just ask the question.
Well, okay.
- What rhymes with rapture?
- Beats me.
Not close enough.
Oh, by the way, Jeremy,
how is it been coming
you getting work
for Tommy's group?
Alright, you guys,
knock it off.
It's coming just fantastic,
Nicholas.
I just started negotiations
with a big TV producer.
- Wow.
- Sure, he did.
The producer was planning
to use both
Bruce Springsteen
and Fleetwood Mac
'until I brought up
Tommy's group.'
Oh, really,
what producer was this?
(Jeremy)
'He asked me
not to talk about it.'
You mean you don't
wanna talk about it
because it's Joannie.
- Joannie?
- I've got ears, too.
Well, as a matter of fact--
As a matter of fact,
what makes you think
I need you to get me a job
with my own sister?
Okay, so I exaggerated a little.
I was just trying
to build up your morale.
Yeah, well, my morale was fine
before you started
messing with it.
Hey, you say that,
but I know you're depressed
because Joannie
couldn't use you.
Don't worry, Tommy, I'll get you
something even better.
Huh.
(David)
'Hope we can finish
the tax return tonight.'
Just you wait, next year
Bradford Construction Company
will make enough money
to turn this whole
tax return over
to an accountant.
I hope so.
'Cause I've had all the
austerity I need for a while.
Well, things will ease up when
you find yourself a roommate.
Oh, I found one.
Uh, his name's Corry Terrell.
Ah, did you get his references?
Well, he's a friend of a friend
of my dentist's nurse's brother.
Uh, no references.
Well, he seems like a great guy.
You said, "Great guy,"
you must be talking about me.
Oh, hi, Corry.
I'd like you to meet my dad.
Hi, dad, it's a pleasure.
And I'd like you to meet
a friend of mine.
Marilyn.
- Carolyn.
- Oh, right, Carolyn.
- 'Pleased to meet you.'
- Oh, how do you do?
Oh, you have
a great apartment, Corry.
Thanks, honey.
[instrumental music]
Well, it's been nice.
See you folks soon.
Uh, now, let me show you
my lovely view of the capital.
David, you don't have a view
of the capital.
I hope you haven't
cashed his check yet?
Afraid so.
(Kathy)
Jeremy!
Jeremy! Wait.
I've been looking all over
for you.
Did you try the boys' showers,
that's where I'm right now.
- Oh, you're so comedic.
- Yeah, hysterical.
- I'll see you around--
- No. Wait, wait, Jeremy.
You friend, Albert, said that
you could help me
with a serious problem.
Yeah, sorry, Dworsky
halitosis is out
of my bailiwick.
Is that the band's name,
Halitosis?
Oh, that's cute.
What are we talking about?
The band, that Albert says
you manage.
I want to employ them
for Saturday night.
You wanna employ my band?
The Ecology Club's
Annual Dinner Dance.
Yeah, well, my guys are pretty
expensive. What's your budget?
I'm authorized to go
as high as $ .
Congratulations, Dworsky,
you've come to the right place.
Huh, bucks won't even
cover the cost
of our equipment rental.
- It won't?
- No.
I need at least for it
to make sense to me.
Two hundred! I-I already
committed you at forty.
No, you didn't.
You had no right to do that
and we're not showing up.
Yeah, b-but I can't tell Kathy
that. She'll wanna k*ll me.
W-what am I gonna do?
That's your problem.
Manage it.
But, Tommy, I..
[instrumental music]
- Oh. Whoa!
- Oh, hi.
You. Did you sleep well?
- Oh, yeah.
- Me, too.
Such a quiet,
uncrowded neighborhood.
Oh. Well,
outside is very uncrowded.
And the kitchen
is so convenient.
Thank you.
I think I made
the right decision, don't you?
About what?
About moving in.
[music continues]
- Alright?
- Hmm.
(Corry)
'Just listen to yourself, Dave,
you're meddling.'
All I'm saying is that
we could've talked about it
before you asked
some stranger to move in.
She's not a stranger. She's been
in the steno pool since Friday.
Oh, that's different.
I thought we agreed. Privacy.
No advice, no kvetching..
Dave, you're getting
very close to kvetching
And you're getting very close
to my violent line.
She's just arrived
in Sacramento.
Do you want her to think
the capital city of California
is unneighborly?
Yeah, fat chance
with you living here.
Face it, Corry, you just met
her, what do we know about her?
I knew, you'd say that.
Here.
- What's this?
- Her references.
I'm sorry, Jeremy, I don't even
have time to discuss it.
You gotta discuss it.
Tommy writes me off
as a zero person
I don't think
I can handle that, Joannie.
Oh, I appreciate how you feel.
But what can I do about it?
You can let me talk you into
putting Tommy on television.
Then he'd know
I'm not just some noisy nerd
who should go mow lawn.
I really would like
to help you, Jeremy
but there's nothing I can do.
Mr. Koppel says stars only.
Now, I'm gonna level
with you, Joannie
I'm, I'm also on a bit
of a jam at school
and I need a good excuse
to get out of it.
Like Tommy having to appear
on this telethon.
Jeremy, I wish I could help you,
I do...but my hands are tied.
That's your final answer?
Sorry.
Okay, I can accept it.
Why should you care
about my ruin?
Renegotiate, why?
Alright, the truth is,
Dworsky, I hate to pollute
the ecology club with
discussions on money, however--
No matter how much you however,
Jeremy, we had a deal.
I know, but when I said $
I was thinking about
the equipment rental.
You know,
the musicians are extra.
No extras.
Do you realize,
how many beer cans
we had to recycle to earn $ ?
Forget recycling. I got a better
way to raise your funds.
Better be above board
and totally organic.
Oh, it is, Dworsky, it is.
Now I know you usually
have a private bash
for your annual
dinner dance, right?
Well, with a well-known band
like Tommy in the action
you could open it up to
the public and sell tickets.
That's very unprecedented.
It'd be great publicity,
build up your membership.
And I'll split very generously
with the ecology club
after the basic $ guarantee.
I'll have to call
a special meeting of
the executive committee.
Will any part of your plan
hurt the environment?
No, actually, it'll protect
an endangered specie.
Jeremy Andretti.
You couldn't get one single
number of one single star?
I'm sorry, Joannie, but Ben said
if you'd given him a few days
he could dig up
the name of their agents.
Well, I don't have a few days.
Well, Ben said
it doesn't really matter.
Agents are harder to get to
than their clients.
He also asked
what your budget was.
What budget?
This is for charity.
Well, Ben says that
you can't ask a star to fly in
from London or Paris,
at his own expense.
What about LA?
He says he's glad
he's not the one trying it.
Some friend?
What am I supposed to do?
(Nancy)
'Well, he did offer
one suggestion.'
- What?
- Quit before you're fired.
[chuckles]
Thanks.
"Enter excessive gain on line
over amount on line ."
I did that.
"Reduce the gain,
if any, on line
"to the extent of the loss
if any, on line ."
I did that.
"Enter loss from line A.
If line A is blank,
enter a zero."
I did enter the zero.
[chuckles]
There.
I think this time
we finally got it done.
Well, let me add up
Schedule R one more time.
Oh, no, please,
Schedule R's a tricky one.
Every time I do it,
I get a different answer.
That's why I wanna add it up
one more time.
Oh, if you find a mistake,
I think I'll k*ll myself.
Well, let's make sure first
that su1c1de is deductible.
That's devious.
Oh, that is really devious.
No, it's upfront.
You're just saying it's upfront
because you wanna shock me
'and that is devious.'
- 'That's name calling.'
- 'Oh.'
Hey, guys, would you mind,
we're working over here?
Oh, you see, now,
you're annoying David
and his nice old father.
You can't expect me to put up
with that kind of insensitivity.
Then don't expect to type
anymore of my letters.
Oh.
Hi, sweetie.
[instrumental music]
Well, that takes care
of one problem.
- It does?
- Yeah.
I didn't wanna tell you
but Carolyn there
had moved in with Corry.
Oh, now, that's ridiculous.
You shouldn't stand for it.
Isn't that carrying California
casual a little too far?
Looks like neither one of us
has to worry about it.
[instrumental music]
Corry, I just got in touch
with my impulsiveness.
'You're probably right
and I apologize.'
What were you saying
about California casual?
You have booked exactly no one?
- That's right.
- That's not very good, Joannie.
I know. L-let me explain--
No, you let me explain.
We are committed
to this telethon.
We have had
on-the-air promotion.
We have had publicity.
My picture's been in "The
Register" and the "Tribune."
We are planning on packing
the Old Opera House--
I-I know.
We are not going to raise any
money for Unified Charities
by running two hours of,
"Please, stand by."
I did my best, Mr. Koppel.
Please, understand--
I don't have time to understand.
Joannie, we gotta solve this.
Mr. Koppel,
could I make a suggestion--
Wait.
- I'm getting a light bulb.
- You are?
Sacramento.
- Sacramento light bulb?
- That's right.
What does it take to get
a big Sacramento audience?
- What?
- Sacramento talent.
Oh. No stars?
No. Forget your stars idea,
Joannie.
I always thought
it was a little trite.
Well, Mr. Koppel--
I want you to get me
local talent, Joannie.
I want you to get me unknowns.
- Do you know any?
- All of.. Lots of 'em.
Very unknown unknowns.
Well, get out there and get 'em.
Yes, sir.
Oh, Jeremy, I've got great news.
- Yeah, what?
- Mr. Koppel did a total U-turn.
Tommy can be in the telethon.
Oh, really?
Well, aren't you excited?
Come on.
My excitement depends
on a key question.
- What?
- How much they're paying him?
Paying him!
No, you don't understand.
Nobody's getting paid,
it's a telethon.
Then forget it.
Forget it, after the way
you begged me?
That's what I said,
forget it.
Jeremy, I need Tommy.
My job is at stake, really.
And after all,
he is my brother.
Then how come
that didn't matter yesterday?
I'm sorry, Joannie,
after you blew it
I got your brother a $
paying gig for Saturday night.
(Abby)
'Well, okay.
Since you sound so desperate.'
Desperate,
if I only sound desperate
I haven't communicated
very well.
Well, I guess I could do
this is little song I wrote.
- Oh, Abby, would you?
- Yeah.
Oh, thank you.
- How can I repay you back?
- Well, applaud a lot, okay?
I will, I will.
Glad enough to be
heard in Pasadena.
Pasadena?
Yeah, so my father can know
that all that money he spent
on voice lessons wasn't wasted.
Wasted? You're saving my life.
I'm so glad,
Jeremy's not your manager.
Yeah.
Well, so who else
did you get from the family?
Well, Tommy's not available.
Abby's singing, you're dancing
and...I'm gonna get David to do
one of his old coffee house
numbers, I guess.
Hmm. But, Joannie,
there's gotta be somebody else.
I mean...how about Susan
or maybe
uh, Nancy and Nicholas.
Um-unh. No, they're not right
for the show.
I mean, this is television,
it's not
the amateur night in the
Bradford living room.
Well, Joannie, I wouldn't put it
like that when you talk to them.
Hmm. They'll understand.
I mean, we have to draw the line
at professional quality talent.
♪ Let me entertain you ♪
♪ Let me entertain you ♪
♪ Let me make you smile ♪
♪ Let me make you smile ♪
♪ Let me do a few tricks ♪
♪ Let me do a few tricks ♪
♪ Some old and some new tricks ♪
♪ Some old and some new tricks ♪
♪ I'm very versatile ♪
♪ I'm very versatile ♪
♪ And if you're real good ♪
♪ And if you're real good ♪
♪ I'll make you feel good ♪
♪ I'll make you feel good ♪
♪ I want your spirits to climb ♪
♪ I want your spirits to climb ♪
♪ So let me entertain you ♪
♪ So let me entertain you ♪
♪ And we'll have ♪
♪ And we'll have ♪
♪ A real good time ♪
♪ A real good time ♪
♪ Yes sir ♪
♪ Yes sir ♪
♪ We'll have ♪
♪ We'll have ♪
♪ A real good time ♪
♪ A real good time ♪
We will.
Oh, that's great.
- Thanks.
- Thanks.
Unfortunately,
we're all booked up
on the song
and dance acts so..
Oh, well, what do you need,
Joannie?
- Comedy, magic, juggling?
- Um.
Yeah, hey, I got this
great routine
in tying boy scout knots.
Well, actually, you know,
entertainers are a dime a dozen
what I really need is somebody
to help Mary and Susan
answer those pledge phones.
'Nancy, you would be great
at that.'
'And Nicholas, I'm desperate
for somebody with'
'your wonderful qualifications
for carrying signs.'
Joannie, were we really
that bad?
Uh, well, you asked me
so I have to tell you.
That was the worst imitation of
"Donny and Marie"
I've ever seen.
No, it wasn't. We were doing,
"Captain and Tennille."
Oh.
[chuckles]
My father has a very hard time
understanding this arrangement.
And frankly,
I don't understand it at all.
I guess we did make it
a little awkward for you.
I'm not as worried about
what my dad thinks
as about what I think.
And I refuse to put up with two
roommates who can't get along.
Oh, we were just
discovering each other.
She's right, Dave.
Relationships aren't readymade.
They can take hours.
Well, I'd appreciate it
if the two of you would work out
your relationship
under some other roof.
If you just give me a few days
to scrape up a rent refund.
Uh, that won't be necessary.
There'll we no more fighting
between me and Corry.
I'm glad to hear that.
I don't think you understand.
- Uh, I like my privacy.
- So do I.
That was one more reason why
Corry and I weren't compatible.
I'm much more gregarious.
Carolyn and I became aware
that our attraction
was a simple surface phenomena.
We're splitting up.
We discovered that we just
don't relate consistently.
I'm moving in with a friend
from my therapy group.
Oh, fine.
And I'll be staying here
with you, Dave.
I just love this apartment.
- No.
- 'Yes.'
(Corry)
'Yes, David, it's all arranged.'
Well, then you can
unarrange it.
Impossible.
Carolyn has already
taken over the sub lease
and given me my refund.
And now I can't afford
to move out.
Great.
'Yes, Dave. It has been great.'
And if you ever need
any references
you give 'em my name.
[instrumental music]
Oh, this is
really nice of you, David.
Oh, well, ahem..
I thought if we met
in neutral territory
uh, maybe we could be
more objective
about our apartment problem.
Oh, our apartment has a problem?
You mean, like termites?
No.
I mean like I really didn't plan
on having a roommate
of the opposite sex.
Oh. Well, in that case,
I have a suggestion.
I'm up.
Maybe you could move out.
Me?
'Carolyn, I'm not moving out.'
Well, I'm really glad
to hear that, David
I-I would really,
really miss you.
What about your family?
Oh, well, they got used to it
when I, when I was living
in a co-ed dorm.
What I meant was
can your family help you
finance a place of your own?
Oh, well, I really wanna be
self-reliant.
And you'll be more self-reliant
in your own place.
and that will let me
be self-reliant in my own place.
Well, I guess I could
call home and discuss it.
I appreciate that, thank you.
Well, David,
what are roommates for.
♪ Oh mamas ♪
♪ Oh mamas ♪
♪ don't let your
babies grow up ♪
♪ To be cowboys ♪
♪ To be cowboys ♪
♪ They'll never stay home ♪
♪ They'll never stay home ♪
♪ And they're always alone ♪
♪ And they're always alone ♪
♪ Even with someone they love ♪
♪ Even with someone they love ♪
♪ Oh mamas ♪
♪ Oh mamas ♪
♪ Don't let your
babies grow up ♪
♪ To be cowboys ♪
♪ To be cowboys ♪
♪ Don't let them pick guitars ♪
♪ Don't let them pick guitars ♪
♪ And drive them old trucks ♪
♪ And drive them old trucks ♪
♪ Let 'em be doctors ♪
♪ Let 'em be doctors ♪
♪ And lawyers and such.. ♪
♪ And lawyers and such.. ♪
Whoa! Whoa! Hold your horse.
But we haven't even gotten
to the good part, yet.
Yeah, that's pretty obvious.
You know,
you're making a big mistake.
This kind of music
is sweeping the country.
The way you sing it,
sweeping isn't enough.
The country will
need to be fumigated.
- Back to the phone.
- And carrying signs.
Well, that's where I really need
the help, you guys.
Hey, I gotta--
- Well, we liked ourselves.
- That's right, partner.
Why don't we do
a big rock number?
You know that doesn't take
talent, that just takes volume.
Well, thank you, partner.
Hey, welcome home, Tommy.
Some welcome when everybody's
knocking your profession.
What are you guys doing?
We're trying to do a number
for Joannie's telethon.
Yeah, she's letting David,
Elizabeth and Abby perform
and not us.
Well, if you're letting them
perform, why won't you let me?
I'd love to, Tommy,
Jeremy said you couldn't.
I couldn't, why?
Because of that other job
he got you, Saturday night.
Jeremy has no right
to get me other jobs.
I'd give my left amp to do
your show, Joannie.
- You would? Really?
- 'Sure?'
Oh, that's great, Tommy.
What would you like to sing?
Well, we could talk
about that later.
Right after I arrange
for Jeremy's funeral.
How about another chorus?
Come on, partner.
♪ Oh mamas ♪
♪ Oh mamas ♪
♪ Don't let
your babies grow up ♪
♪ To be cowboys ♪
♪ To be cowboys ♪
Don't crumble at me
I was just trying to help you.
What, by keeping my band
off a television?
How was I supposed to know
that Joannie's boss
was gonna undecide his decision?
Oh, come on, you knew
I didn't want you making
any deals I didn't know about.
You said you'd take $ jobs
and that's what
I was getting you.
And that's what you gonna
have to cancel.
- 'I can't.'
- You have to.
Dworsky's club will go after me
like they've gone after Smaug.
Well, if you didn't keep
trying to be such a big sh*t
you might not have
these kind of problems.
For the last time, Jeremy,
I'll handle my own career.
Butt out!
I guess, Tommy
was pretty rough on you.
Let's just say
I was earning my ten percent.
Well, you should try
putting up with Nancy.
See, she really wants
to be in Joannie's show
and you should see
what she makes me do.
Nancy wants to be in the show?
Our Nancy?
Does Superman
find his underwear?
Does..
Maybe the three of us
oughta talk.
About what?
Just asking Nancy to come up
to my office, okay?
Okay.
[instrumental music]
Hi, David, I was getting worried
about you.
It's almost : .
I just stopped by to see Joannie
for some last minute
instructions and..
Carolyn, I really don't think
I need to account
for my whereabouts.
Oh, I know but I think
it would've been nice
if you had called.
Don't count on it.
Uh, what's this all about?
It's my bed.
Well, fine but, uh, what's wrong
with the bed in your bedroom?
Oh, it's a wonderful bed.
There's nothing wrong with it.
I'm glad to hear that
but why do you wanna sleep out
here in the living room?
Well, I think it's pretty
obvious, don't you?
I mean, I couldn't very well
ask momma to sleep out here.
- Momma?
- My momma.
- I took your advice.
- My advice?
Well, I called home
and I told them
that I couldn't move
without any money.
So momma got on a bus,
She came here.
And she's gonna help me
find a new apartment.
Oh, I'm glad to hear that.
I bet you'll find one tomorrow.
Oh, no, we can't go tomorrow.
Momma wants to see
the legislature.
W-what does the legislature
have to do
with your finding an apartment?
Well, since the rent is paid up
here for the rest of the month
there's really no hurry
and momma thought
she'd get in some sight-seeing.
While she's living...here.
You'll love her.
Momma!
Momma! Come on out here
for a minute.
- David's home.
- David.
That's our David.
- Hi.
- Hello, David.
Oh, he's a fine-looking boy.
[chuckles]
And what took you so long?
Carolyn was sure
you'd be here earlier.
[sighs]
Good evening, Sacramento
and to our wonderful crowd
here at the Old Opera House.
[all applauding]
Welcome to the Annual
Unified Charities Telethon.
I'm your host John Koppel.
And we have a very exciting
show for you this evening.
Remember, the way
to show your appreciation
is to call our toll-free number
and pledge your contribution
to this vital cause.
[drum music]
And now with no further delay
here is our first
wonderful talent
Tommy Bradford in the action!
[all applauding]
- I'm impressed.
- About what?
Well, that Tommy got his act
on first.
I mean that's pretty shrewd.
[instrumental music]
♪ Your pleasure ♪
♪ Is all mine ♪
♪ You keep me working
at it day and night ♪
♪ I'm slaving ♪
♪ Along with you ♪
♪ I'm really hoping
that it never gets to ♪
♪ Your timing
is pretty neat ♪
♪ You took a chance
and then you took a seat ♪
♪ Now tell me
and tell me true ♪
♪ What is your daddy
really thinkin'? ♪
♪ What are we gonna do ♪
♪ When it finally hits? ♪
♪ What are we gonna do? ♪
♪ We're never gonna
turn it down ♪
♪ So what are we gonna do? ♪
[music continues]
♪ Believe me
I'm coming clean ♪
♪ I know I'm not
exactly what I see ♪
♪ Now tell me
and tell me true ♪
♪ What is your baby
really thinking? ♪
♪ What are we gonna do ♪
♪ When it finally hits? ♪
♪ What are we gonna do? ♪
♪ We never gonna
turn it down.. ♪
Phones aren't ringing, Joannie.
Uh, they'll ring, Mr. Koppel,
They'll ring.
They better.
How long is this group
supposed to play?
Well, I asked them to do
three more numbers
and an encore of course.
I don't know, Joannie.
I mean, they're good.
We need pledges, cash pledges.
Oh, we're getting them,
Mr. Koppel. Look.
[indistinct chattering]
♪ I know we're gonna
make it anytime ♪
♪ Now tell me
and tell me true ♪
♪ What do you think
the world is thinking? ♪
♪ What are we gonna do ♪
♪ When it finally hits? ♪
♪ What are we gonna do ♪
♪ Oh when it finally hits? ♪
♪ What are we gonna do ♪
♪ when it finally hits? ♪
♪ What are we gonna do ♪
♪ Oh when it finally hits? ♪
[all applauding]
(Tommy)
'Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen.'
'I'd like to take
this opportunity..'
Listen. Uh, give me the tally.
I want to announce how much
money we've raised.
So far, zero.
No money?
What about all these calls?
They're all teenage girls
who want Tommy's phone number.
- Not a penny?
- 'No, sir.'
But one girl did offer
to babysit Tommy free of charge.
I was afraid of that.
Joannie, get that rock group
off, and get me another act.
Oh, we can't do that,
Mr. Koppel.
Yes, we can.
You get them off
and get me something
to motivate the audience.
Things have gotta start
happening, Joannie
or your telethon
is gonna b*mb.
(Tommy)
'"Wild Man," Medore.
Let's hear it.'
And for our second number,
we'd like to do--
But first we'd like
to return to the station
for a commercial message.
Joannie.
- Tommy.
- What's up?
Tommy, I'm really sorry
to tell you this.
I'm afraid you're cancelled.
I..
- Mrs. Chapman--
- Please, call me mama.
Everybody does.
I don't think this living
arrangements are going to work
so I'm going to have to insist
that the two of you
move out tomorrow.
Look, I'll help you
find another place to live
and I'll refund
the rent somehow.
Oh, David,
that's not very friendly.
Couldn't we talk about it?
There's nothing to discuss.
And, uh, I'm late
for the telethon.
What telethon?
David's singing on television.
Our David?
'Oh, that's wonderful.'
We're coming with you, dear.
I can see that you're nervous
and you'll need our support.
[instrumental music]
[snapping fingers]
Ah. Joannie,
that's more like it.
[music continues]
[no audio]
[music continues]
Hey, please, you can't go.
You'll practically
half the audience.
I've got business
to take care of.
- How many calls?
- Uh, one.
Wonderful.
Did they pledge anything?
Well, no, actually it was
Elizabeth's third grade teacher
who says she is
nicely coordinated
and she's filled out a lot.
[music continues]
[music continues]
[audience applauding]
Excuse me, sir. I'd like to talk
to you about Tommy Bradford.
Go away, son.
Jeremy, don't make
things worse, please.
(Mr. Koppel)
'Joannie, we are dying.'
You go out there and introduce
that next act whatever it is.
You booked it, and any egg
belongs on your face.
Yes, sir.
[applause]
Thank you, Elizabeth.
Let's give another big hand
to a beautiful dancer.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
I understand
that the phone lines
are conveniently open
right now, so..
[instrumental music]
[audience laughing]
[laughs]
So, please, call in
your pledge donations
while we welcome
another wonderful performer.
She's written a special song
just for tonight.
Abby Bradford.
[audience applauding]
[instrumental music]
♪ There are souls
who sit in silence ♪
♪ While some shout
words of w*r ♪
♪ We're a people on a planet ♪
♪ Who've forgotten what we are ♪
♪ We defend
our race and country ♪
♪ In the face of so much need ♪
♪ And we trade our lives
for money ♪
♪ In the name of endless greed ♪
♪ But if the child inside
could lead us ♪
♪ Innocence no wills to w*r ♪
♪ We'd be creatures
on an earth ship ♪
♪ We'd be travelers on a star ♪
♪ In our seeing one another ♪
♪ All our sweetness
would return ♪
♪ We would sing a song
of gladness ♪
♪ And our hatred
could be b*rned ♪
♪ In the firelight
we'd see shining faces ♪
♪ Feel our b*ating hearts ♪
♪ And the spirits
of dimensions ♪
♪ Who are simply playing parts ♪
♪ Would be stronger
would be kinder ♪
♪ We could care
to cause no pain ♪
♪ We could give up
all our anger ♪
♪ And we'd all begin again ♪
♪ To a march of simple oneness ♪
♪ To the music of a drum ♪
♪ And in four-four time
that we all can feel ♪
♪ b*ating out the time in one ♪
♪ And our minds could drop
the concepts ♪
♪ While our throats
would fill with song ♪
♪ It's of love and peace
and wonder ♪
♪ And it's been so all along ♪
♪ Pa-ra-rum-pum-pa-rum-pum ♪
♪ Pa-rum-pum-pum-pa-ra-rum ♪
♪ Pum-pum-pum-pa-ra-rum ♪
♪ Pa-ra-rum-pum-pum-pa-rum ♪
♪ Pa-ra-rum-pum-pum-pum ♪
♪ Pa-rum-pa-rum-pum-pum
pum-pu-rum ♪
♪ Pa-ra-rum-pum-pum-pa-rum ♪
♪ Pa-ra-rum-pum-pum-pa-rum ♪
♪ There are souls
who sit in silence ♪
♪ While some shout
words of w*r ♪
♪ We're a people on a planet ♪
♪ Who've forgotten what we are ♪
♪ But if the child inside
could lead us ♪
♪ Innocence no wills to w*r ♪
♪ We'd be creatures
on an earth ship ♪
♪ We'd be travelers on ♪
♪ A star ♪
[audience applauding]
Did you come back here
to rub it in?
I just came to say I think
you got a shabby deal out there.
Oh.
And I should have
taken your gig?
You could have at least
thought about it.
I could do you
a lot of good, Tommy.
At this stage in my life, good
is not some high school dance.
Hey, it's a start, huh.
I had that start already.
I know you tried,
but we need real work.
You're just not ready
for this business.
Hey, tell me what ready is
and I'll be.
Ah. You'd be smarter if you'd
just wait a few years.
Why keep falling on your face?
Hi. Welcome back to the Unified
Charities Telethon.
Our next performer
will certainly charm you.
He is also a talented Bradford
and also singing a song
that he wrote.
Please welcome David Bradford.
[applause]
- That's my David.
- Your David?
Isn't he wonderful?
I think of him as my son.
Yeah, me too.
Do we know each other?
I'm David's roommate.
[guitar music]
♪ Came into town
on the mid-morning train ♪
♪ I packed deep within my bags ♪
♪ Promised myself I wouldn't go
and look for you ♪
♪ Even though
you were all I had ♪
♪ Even though
you were all I had ♪
♪ Saw a young girl
with hair golden brown ♪
♪ Like yours in summer
in the sun ♪
♪ Tryin' to forgive her
for looking so like you ♪
♪ Then again so does everyone ♪
♪ Then again so does everyone ♪
♪ That blind ♪
♪ Fool in me ♪
♪ Started heading ♪
♪ Straight for your home ♪
♪ Till the eyes ♪
♪ Of a stranger ♪
♪ Showed me just how long
you'd been gone ♪
♪ And how long I'd been alone ♪
♪ Hm-mmm ♪
♪ Hmm-mm-mm ♪
♪ When Border took it
on the midnight express ♪
♪ Heading for
the Vermont borderline ♪
♪ Heading straight north east
south and west ♪
♪ Spreading like a shadow
through the pines ♪
♪ Spreading like a shadow
through the pines ♪
♪ You're along the coastline
good and pure and true ♪
♪ Running through my veins
into my chest ♪
♪ Breathing finally freely
forgetting about you ♪
♪ Forgetting what it was
you loved the best ♪
♪ Forgetting what
it was you loved the best ♪
♪ That blind ♪
♪ Fool in me ♪
♪ Started heading ♪
♪ Straight for your home ♪
♪ Till the eyes ♪
♪ Of a stranger ♪
♪ Showed me just
how long you'd been gone ♪
♪ And how long I'd been alone ♪
♪ Showed me just how long
you'd been gone ♪
♪ And how long I'd been alone ♪
♪ Showed me just how long
you'd been gone ♪
♪ And how long ♪
♪ I'd been alone ♪
♪ Hm-mm ♪
[applause]
Joannie, Mr. Koppel
we have a pledge,
an actual pledge.
Oh, oh, I agree, sir.
It was a terrific song.
Yeah. Um, well, how much
would you like to pledge?
Three dollars?
Three dollars?
Well, uh, that's just
wonderful, sir..
What's your name and address?
Uh, it's anonymous.
Is this some kind of a joke?
No, Susan, it isn't.
Uh, how'd you know my name?
Wait a minute.
Uh, is this Nicholas?
[music continues]
Oh.
Forget it, Mr. Koppel,
it was my little brother.
I wish I could forget
this whole fiasco. What's next?
Well, there's a slight problem.
All the numbers
that I had scheduled next
are too embarrassed to go on.
- There's nothing else?
- Nothing.
No, Joannie, you're wrong.
Come on, Nicholas.
Just like this?
Everything is taken care of.
(Nicholas)
'My sister and I
are going to sing'
if you can call it singing.
The only thing worse
is our dancing
which we'll also do.
But don't turn us off
because we're not
doing this to show you
how great we are..
'...but to show you
there are people'
'who need your help.'
Poor people, sick people.
And if we can get up here
and do our part..
Well, you can do your part
helping...giving
'sharing what you have
with people who don't have.'
So if you'll call
the telephone number, please.
Well, we'll do our number.
Thank you.
[applause]
[instrumental music]
♪ Me ♪
♪ And my shadow ♪
♪ And my shadow ♪
♪ Strolling down the avenue ♪
♪ Strolling down the avenue ♪
Ooh.
♪ Me ♪
♪ And my shadow ♪
♪ And my shadow ♪
♪ Not a soul
to tell my troubles to ♪
♪ And when it's twelve o'clock ♪
♪ Twelve o'clock ♪
♪ We climb the stairs.. ♪
♪ We climb the stairs.. ♪
Those are my roommates.
You lucky man.
Will the Telethon
accept out of town checks?
♪ And my shadow ♪
♪ And my shadow ♪
♪ All alone and feeling blue ♪
♪ All alone and feeling blue ♪
[music continues]
My phone's lighting up.
My phone's lighting up.
- It-it's lighting up.
- Well, answer it.
Alright.
Telethon.
Yes, sir.
A hundred dollars?
'I need your name
and address, please.'
Uh-huh.
Thank you, sir,
very much. Bye-bye.
I know. It's another one
of your brothers.
No, it's just
someone who happened
to love my brother's speech.
You mean a real person
just pledged $ ?
Mm-hmm.
I just got a call for $ .
- Two hundred dollars?
- 'Two hundred dollars.'
Wait a minute, it's ringing
again. Hello?
[indistinct chattering]
♪ And when it's twelve o'clock ♪
♪ Twelve o'clock ♪
♪ We climb the stairs ♪
♪ We climb the stairs ♪
♪ We never knock ♪
♪ We never knock ♪
♪ For nobody's there ♪
♪ For nobody's there ♪
♪ Just me ♪
♪ Just me ♪
♪ And my shadow ♪
♪ And my shadow ♪
♪ All alone and feeling blue ♪
[crowd applauding]
Thank you.
[indistinct chattering]
That act is working, Joannie.
They've gotta do
another number.
Another?
Yes, sir.
[indistinct chatter]
You know,
you really weren't that bad.
Nancy, listen,
can you do an encore?
- An encore?
- Yeah.
You'd have to talk
to our manager.
Your manager?
I don't know, Jeremy.
What do you think?
Can we go back on?
- On one condition.
- Condition?
Only if you use
my other client.
♪ Oh let's be frank ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Take a chance with me ♪
♪ Let me save us ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Take a chance with me ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Just let me take
this opportunity ♪
♪ Take this opportunity ♪
♪ To answer any questions here ♪
♪ 'Cause if I read
in between your lines ♪
♪ We must be gone ♪
♪ Let's be frank ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Take a chance with me ♪
♪ Let me sing guys ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Take a chance with me ♪
♪ Let's be frank ♪
So well, I know.
Guys, everybody, listen.
We raised more money
than Mr. Koppel
ever thought we would.
[cheering]
Congratulations.
I'm really proud
to be a part of this family.
- Uh-huh. Can we discuss that?
- 'I'd love to discuss.'
You don't know how wonderful
it feels to realize
that my little girl
can come to the strange city
and find such wonderful friends.
Aren't they great, mama?
So talented.
'Philanthropic.'
Are you going to feel
that way tomorrow
when I serve you
the eviction notice?
Oh, you don't have to go
that far, David.
I realized today
how much I miss mama.
- So I'm moving back to Chico.
- Really?
But we'll write you, David.
And we'll phone you every week.
Oh, thanks.
I'd really like that.
(Mrs. Chapman)
'Now, that settled.'
Everybody is invited to a party.
A party? Where?
Our place.
Our place?
[instrumental music]
Our place.
[theme music]
[music continues]
05x16 - The Best Little Telethon in Sacramento
Watch/Buy Amazon
The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.
The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.