[waves crashing]
- [Narrator] Anne Jeffreys
as Marion Kerby,
the ghostess with the mostest.
Robert Sterling as George Kerby,
that most sportive spirit.
And Leo G.
Carroll, host to said ghosts as
Topper.
[playful music]
- Yours truly, Cosmo Topper.
Now the next letter goes to
Wake House Dan and Deckers
Investment Brokers
Wall Street, New York City.
Dear sir.
What do you think you're doing?
- I want to be your secretary.
Oh, Topper, I'd make
a perfect secretary
because nobody can see
me or hear me but you.
- Oh, please get off my left.
- But I can handle all
your correspondents.
Remember, I'm a ghost rider.
- I've had enough
of your shenanigans.
- Oh Topper don't.
Aren't you attracted to me?
- All right I find
you're very attractive.
But I wish you'd
control your attractions
until after office hours.
- Or well we can combine
business and pleasure.
Now just listen to this
outline I made for Larry.
It starts, Pinches and in
love and kisses Topper.
- Love and kisses Topper?
- Well it's friendlier
than yours truly.
- Now run along please.
- But fine if I let you go along
you can get to know
each other better.
- All right, look
here I'm very busy,
you will have to go.
[audience laughing]
- I just wanted to see
how you run the bank.
- I don't run the
bank, Mr. Skylar does.
And go away, don't come back.
[audience laughing]
Michelle ski!
Michelle ski, why are
you so long in coming?
- You'd have to make up
your mind Mr. Topper.
Do you want me or don't you?
- Of course I want you.
[audience laughing]
So, transcribe these
letters please.
- Yes sir.
- Yours truly Cosmo Topper,
now the thing study
goes to Wake House,
Dan and Decker Investment
Brokers , New York City.
Dear sir.
What do you think you're doing?
Please get off my left.
I've had enough of
your shenanigans.
- [audience laughing]
- I find you very attractive.
I wish you'd control your attraction
till after business hours.
[audience laughing]
[table bangs]
- It's Mrs. Betty to see you sir.
- Betty?
I don't know any Mrs. Betty.
- She says she knows you.
- All right, bring her in.
[buoyant music]
Mrs. Betty.
- Topper darling!
- Ellen.
[buoyant music]
Well, I thought your
maiden name was Johnson.
- Oh, Mr. Johnson
and I are divorced.
If you're wondering about
David, we've divorced too.
- Oh, then may be you've
given me up to date.
- She's probably been
too busy counting
the Baskerville Megan.
I have to talk fast darling.
And Emma's outside with Mr. Skylar.
I sneaked in to ask you a favor.
- What can I do for you?
- Well, you can
help me get married.
- When you're getting along
really well without me.
- [audience laughing]
- Has he a name?
- Larry Hartford.
- Not the great lover
of the silver screen?
- Yes, and he's not
a bit over rated.
- Does our neighbor agree with you?
- That's where you come in.
You have only to meet him,
and make up your
own mind about him.
Then I want you to
convince that Emma,
how wonderful he is.
- Oh, is that all?
- She's probably in here.
- Oh, I'll bring him over
for dinner Saturday night.
Don't tell on Emma,
in fact don't tell anyone.
[foot steps approaching]
- Why did you sneak away from me?
- I didn't sneak out Emma.
Just came in to see
my favorite godfather.
- Go well Topper,
how'd you go to Mrs.
Baskerville to have a seat?
- Right here? Of course.
- Mr. Skylar, if I want to
sit I'm perfectly capable of
taking care of myself.
Stop following me.
- And how are you Mrs. Baskerville?
- If you will excuse
me, I have to run along.
I have an appointment
at the hairdressers.
- Take Skylar with you,
get him a new head.
- [laughs] Hello Mrs.
Baskerville, they arrived.
- Oh, go slot alone.
- Bye darling.
[door closes]
- Topper I'm going to
come right to the point.
Have you ever heard
of Lauren Hartford?
Well, I've seen him on
the screen of course
a point of interest.
- Well, I wouldn't know about that.
I haven't seen a Motion Pictures
since The Birth of a Nation.
However, that's not
the hint out there.
- No, I guess it's closed.
- I didn't come here to
discuss motion pictures.
I came to talk about Ellen.
- Oh!
- A nice girl, that has
an unfortunate habit
of collecting bad husbands.
She wants to collect Hartford.
I want you to talk her out of it.
- But if she's made up her mind-
- She's made up her mind
about her other two husbands.
This one is the worst of the lot.
- But you don't even know him.
- I don't have to, I've
heard enough about him.
Now I'm relying on you Topper.
- But Mrs. Baskerville-
- We'll have no further discussion.
- Don't argue with Mrs.
Baskerville Topper.
- Why shouldn't he argue with me?
What do you want?
- All right, I just wanted
to show you the figures,
on the building investments.
- I've already looked into them.
They're absolutely worthless.
I don't know why I don't
keep my money in a stocking.
[classical music]
- George, I'm going shopping.
I have enough thing to
wait for Larry Hartford.
- It's too late to go shopping,
all the stores are closed.
- That's the best time.
[George whistling]
[door bell rings]
[door opens]
- Hello, sorry dear.
I forgot my keys.
[George whistling]
- Oh, it's you Mrs. Topper.
- Sorry, and I forgot my keys.
- Oh Topper, why didn't you ran?
- I forgot my key.
- Yes dear, you
told us three times.
- All right, [laughs]
I wasn't sure you
heard the second time.
- Oh Cosmo, I'm so
glad you're home.
I've had the most hectic
day ever since lunch.
- Or worse, none at
dinner time not him.
So you gonna relax.
- I spent hours planning the menu.
- Mil and I picked out the wines.
- Oh no need to go
to any next store,
simple chocolate suit me.
- Not tonight's menu stop the key.
- Oh, I thought you don't have
to arrange anything in numbers.
It's not in numbers,
just a few cold lobsters,
and six pounds beluga caviar,
eight dozens of ketol phenom.
Nine eggs.
- amps, she forgot vodka.
- Put my beer, Henrietta.
- I can't decide, I'm at dessert.
- Would you like to
know what Katie decided?
Devil's food, lemon merengue pie,
and a pineapple upside down cake.
- people eat a lot of food.
- They certainly do.
You mean you've invited people?
- I didn't want to
make it too large.
- But I told you
not to tell anybody.
- I haven't yet except
Katie of course.
- And that leaves . [chuckles]
- He has the guest of Cosmo.
Can you think of
anybody I've left out?
- No, but I can think
of you're going to.
- What do you mean?
- Well, Ellen doesn't want anybody.
Any other people.
I'm pretty sure you'll have to
give up any plans for party.
- Oh dear, I have to call
the caterers not to come.
- You shouldn't have asked them
to come in the first place.
- Well, that leaves six of us.
- George, and I'm not so sure that you
and Marion ought to be
here alone Saturday night.
- Huh?
[mysterious music]
[door closes]
- The caterers were
terribly disappointed.
- Henrietta,
how would you like
to take in and then
the party to the Club
on Saturday night?
- You mean not have dinner at home?
- I don't see that it's
possible to do both.
And that's because we
hadn't been hungry.
- [laughs] Since you won't
let me have people here,
maybe they'll be coming to see you
who bloody hosted at the club.
I don't mind of course.
- I spend the damn-
only don't talk about it to a soul.
- Why not?
- Well, it gets around
that Larry Hartford
has made a reservation.
And may be so many
reservations that,
we won't be able to
get a reservation.
[bright classical music]
- George where are you?
- Usual place.
[bright classical music]
- I'm gonna look so
beautiful for Larry Hartford,
but he'll be heartbroken,
he can't see me.
- Why didn't he dear?
- Oh yeah, thank you.
- Neil.
- Hey you must've
made him too strong.
- That's a one meal.
[audience laughing]
- Shut up wagon.
[audience laughing]
- Bad dog, good martinis.
Pick him up.
[dog barks]
- Oh, you forgot the
most important thing.
[dog barks]
- Sorry old boy.
- Hello.
- Hello darling.
- Hi Topper.
All right, what's all these for?
- Oh that's for Larry
Hartford, Saturday night.
- Oh yes, yes I forgot.
- All right old man,
how did you happen
to meet Larry Hartford?
- I haven't met him.
Oh, thanks.
He's being brought
here by his fiance.
- Oh!
- You mean he's engaged?
- Hmm.
- How could he do that to me?
Without even knowing me?
- Who is the lucky girl?
- Mrs. Baskerville's niece, Ellen.
What? Ellen Baskerville?
- Why, do you know her?
- Know her!
Know her.
Ellen Baskerville,
poor tragic Ellen Baskerville.
- You sure you have the right woman?
- What is all this?
- And Mrs. Baskerville.
- Poor frustrated Mrs. Baskerville.
How she loved me!
- Mrs. Baskerville?
She wanted me to marry Ellen,
to keep from breaking her heart,
but it was not to be.
- Okay, Ahmed come clean.
Where didn't you meet
this poor tragic Ellen?
- I'd rather not talk about it.
I wonder if she knows I'm dead.
- If you asked me she
never knew you were alive.
[audience laughing]
- Please Marion,
don't be bitter.
Ellen was a part of my
life before I knew you.
A memory tender and unsigned.
- Too bad I can't play the violin.
- She only married, to forget me.
- [audience laughing]
- In that case she's
forgotten you twice.
- A very dirty game.
- I'd like to forget you,
for Larry Hartford. [chuckles]
- Probably reminds her of me.
- It may interest you to
know she's deeply in love
with this fellow Hartford?
- Nonsense! Everybody
knows about Hartford,
he's a lazy dissolute drunk.
- He probably reminds her of you.
- [audience laughing]
- Why will Mrs.Baskerville,
be with you?
And she's never seen the man.
- You mean you're promoting
this romance behind her back?
- Well, that's better
than looking at it.
Besides, what business
is there for yours?
- Well, I can't let Ellen
throw herself away
in a man like that.
After all, she's still
on the rebound from me.
Poor child, what a life she's had?
Constantly reminded of the
little things she loved about me,
my manliness, my
tenderness, my width.
[audience laughing]
- Excuse me, some way to stop him?
- [audience laughing]
- Yeah, I'm a magician.
- Always her image before me,
always my image before her.
My body in another man's face,
my face on another man's body.
[audience laughing]
- [classical music]
- [audience laughing]
- Now how did I do that?
[audience clapping]
- Marion, I think the
guests are arriving.
Marion, Topper?
Ellen!
Where is everybody?
- Yes but-
No, I can't get an
autograph for you.
- Katie, where is everybody?
- They've taken Mr.
Hartford out for dinner.
- Where to Katie? Where to?
- [laughs] I promised
not to tell where to.
- You've got to tell me.
- I don't care if you are my sister.
A promise is a promise.
- Marion!
Marion! They sneaked out on us.
- Oh well, if you're
going to get mad, Club .
- Marion! Where are you?
- Yeah, that's where they all went.
- Where Katie? Where?
- I don't know.
- Marion!
I don't know where they're
going after the Club .
- Marion is gone too.
- No, no, no. Mr. Hartford
didn't come here at all.
- Katie!
Katie I'll give you bucks
if you tell me where
they've gone to.
- They all went to the Club .
- Some people would
do anything for money.
[audience laughing]
- Did you just drop $ ?
[audience laughing]
[dog whines]
- You closet drinker?
[audience laughing]
[classical music]
[liquid bubbling]
It's a sad come down for you Neil,
from champagne to beer.
[audience laughing]
And listen from now
on open your own beer.
[dog sucking]
Shame on you.
I wonder how Mrs. Baskerville
would like to go to Club .
[footsteps thudding]
[audience laughing]
Not me brother, I haven't got
time to open all those cans.
[audience laughing]
[bright classical music]
- And having failed
at everything else,
I became an actor and here I am.
[participants laughing]
[Marion laughing]
- How did you know we were here?
- You invited me, remember?
[audience laughing]
- I tailed you, you
double crossing baboon.
- What are you looking for Cosmo?
- Oh, oh just, just looking dear.
- If you're looking for
George, I didn't tell him.
I couldn't stand to watch
his mooding over that--
that Ellen Baskerville.
- Woman at table .
Just sign it for Flossie,
love and kisses.
- Waiter, you shouldn't
keep worrying Mr. Hartford.
The head waiter might hear you.
[violin music]
- You forgot love and kisses.
Where's my pen?
[audience laughing]
- Or did you drop this?
[audience laughing]
- Good evening Mr. Marla.
- Did you just get
another autograph?
- Oh no, sir.
- Then what's this on your shirt?
[audience laughing]
- Ah yeah, I put it
there to remind me sir.
- All right.
[soft classical music]
- Ah, so peaceful without George.
- What?
- [gasps] George!
- Take it away, throw
it out. It's tainted.
- It doesn't look tainted me.
- All right, I think I
tainted meat when I see it.
I was practically
raised on tainted meat.
- [audience laughing]
- You conniving person.
- You wish to order
something else sir?
- I think is the same
thing, untainted it.
[audience laughing]
- Poor tragic Ellen.
This is George,
your George.
- Ahhh.
- What's the matter madam?
- I felt something cold and clammy.
- That was George.
Your George.
[audience laughing]
- I hope you'll not
stop Mr. Hartford.
- Not the business of the
day, please call me Larry.
- You can even call him Finkle,
that's his real name Finkle.
- Finkle! It sounds like a fam.
- Say something to me darling,
to prove that you still remember.
- I hear you're living
in the Kirby hub.
- Oh yes.
Always my name on it.
- Did you know that Kirby?
- Well, only George.
- You've just stirred the
ashes of a cruel memory.
You just pour salt on an open wound.
Don't cry darling.
[laughing]
[audience laughing]
- Can you remember? I told you
about George Kirby, darling.
- Oh yes.
Poor, tragic Ellen.
- It's hysteria, from Greece.
[audience laughing]
- You ordered the Philly
minion, didn't you sir?
- We all ordered it.
- Would you mind putting
your name opposite it,
chef doesn't understand French.
- Really George?
- You must be doing
a lucrative business.
- It was better last
week with gamble.
[audience laughing]
If you have anything
to say to me sir,
please don't put it on my shirt.
[audience laughing]
- It all happened when
I was visiting at him
several years ago. [laughs]
George's wife was
away for the weekend.
That's how I haven't received help.
- So that's how she
happened to see the hop.
- Well she, she just came
to tea with her aunt Emma.
- George sneaked me
in late one night,
- [audience laughing]
- Well that happened?
As for two.
- It must be rather
fascinating making movies, hmm?
- What happened then George?
- Nothing honey, we
talked, just talked.
- We were talking,
- Betsy?
- All of a sudden George
switched off the lights.
[laughs] It was better
for the practice blackout.
[audience laughing]
- Practice blackout.
Civil effects.
- Of course the w*r had
been over for three years.
[audience laughing]
- I'd to take too many precautions.
- Fortunately George
blackouts too. [laughs]
- Had to take too many precautions.
[audience laughing]
- Hey.
- Captain!
- Yeah I'm sorry madam
we have no more tables.
- I didn't come here
to buy furniture,
where is Mr. Topper sitting?
- This way madam.
- Well madam, this time
you've shown excellent taste.
- Thank you, darling.
- Topper, what is this?
- Cosmo, was it the meat?
- Good evening?
- Oh, Mrs. Baskerville.
- Aren't you gonna
ask me to sit down?
- Well, by all means.
- Could you mind
signing for this chair?
- Oh, put it on the bill.
- [audience laughing]
Lovely weather we're
having, haven't you?
I mean, haven't they?
- Did you bring me
here to ask me riddles?
- George, did you bring
that old battleaxe here?
- I was here long before she was.
- I'd rather you'd brought Neil.
- I would have, but he had
some legal matters to attend to.
- Legal matters?
- Yeah, when I left, he was
working on a case in the closet.
[audience laughing]
- I didn't know you
were coming aunty.
- You didn't?
Who is this?
- Larry Hartford.
- Oh, he's a friend of Topper.
- Well yes, quite an old friend of-
I've known him all my lifetime, Mr-
- Larry Hartford.
- Hinkle, Hinkle.
- Hinkle, Mr. Hinkle
Mrs. Baskerville.
Mrs. Baskerville, Mr. Hinkle.
- Larry Hartford.
- Did you come here to
offend Mrs. Baskerville-
- Or wouldn't be caught
dead in the place
I only came because of
your husband's note.
- Note?
- Yeah.
- The note that they
slipped under my door
urgently requesting that
I join you and Ellen.
- George I might never forgive you.
- But she gets out so little.
- Where do you come
from Mr. Hinkle?
- Jersey city.
- California.
- I could k*ll you.
- It's too late.
[audience laughing]
- You coward, don't
you try and get away.
- At what part of California?
- Wait, help Neil, help.
- Someone pushed me.
- Neil, can't help you now.
[audience laughing]
- What part of
California Mr. Hinkle?
- Well, it looks as if we're
never going to get our dinner.
- Back into rocking cap off.
Well Mr. Hinkle?
- Hollywood, Mrs. Baskerville.
- Just outside of Hollywood.
Seattle.
[audience laughing]
- Well then perhaps you
know a Motion Picture actor,
by the name of Lawrence Hopspert.
- Intimately.
- Is he as bad as his reputation?
- No, he's even worse.
He has only one thing
to recommend him.
- What's that?
- He's a good businessman.
As a matter of fact, he's about
to marry a very pretty girl
with a grotesquely rich man.
- For you.
- Wait up,
waiter you must stop making pictures
and then try and sell them.
- Thank your best Topper.
And for pity's safe Mr. Hartford,
sign that picture
and be done with it.
- You being Mr. Hinkle,
don't you handy?
- Well, a natural mistake group,
and one of the actors Hinkles.
- Stop all this silly chatting,
I recognize this the hot
for the moment I came in.
- In that case, I may as well sign.
- It's not Topper's
fault aunt Emma.
- Mr. Topper, it occurs to me
that if you're so deceitful
about these personal matters,
you may be equally so
about financial matters.
I'd refer to your handling
of my affairs at the bank.
- Now just a moment Mrs.
Baskerville.
- I beg your pardon.
- You should, you're a
selfish domineering woman
and a bullied to boot.
- I've never been so
insulted in my life.
- I can't imagine why not.
- Topper, are you going to sit
and let him talk to me this way?
- Oh, why not?
I'm going to be fired, I
might just as well enjoy it.
- Mrs. Baskerville,
Cosmo was only trying
to do Ellen a favor.
- Yes, behind my back.
[whimsical music]
- It wasn't behind her
back, you sent her a note.
- It wasn't behind your
back, I sent you a note.
- But why did you send me a note?
- You wanted to show
her that Hartford
wasn't such a heel after all.
- I just wanted to show
you that the Hartford
wasn't such a heel after all.
- Sorry old man.
- None taken.
- This is the truth.
- Have you seen George?
- No.
- What?
- And no more bullying, I
want to enjoy my dinner.
- Cosmo, apologize
to Mrs. Baskerville.
- If he does, I'll have him fired.
And as for you young man,
at least I'm glad to see
that you're not scared of me.
- No but I am, scared to death.
- Now, where could George have gone?
- Bring all young
man around tomorrow.
I want to see if he is
as romantic in the house
as he is on the screen.
- I thought you never
went to the movies.
- I didn't until last night.
You know, you're not a bad actor.
- Thank you, you are
not a bad actress.
[Baskerville laughs]
[bright music]
- So, there you are.
Why are you so smog about?
- No, I feel so nice
and warm inside,
bringing these two
lovely people together.
[soft classical music]
[audience applauds]
[violin music]
- Poor, tragic Ellen.
Still trying to forget me.
- [violin music]
- [audience clapping]
- [Narrator] The Topper
show will materialize
again next week.
[violin music]
John W. Loveton, Bernard
Schubbert production.
Produced by John W. Loveton.
Starring Anne Jeffreys,
Robert Sterling and Leo G. Carroll.
[classical music]
01x39 - George's Old Flame
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Series follows a grumpy banker, Cosmo Topper, and the ghosts which only he could see or hear, George and Marion Kerby.
Series follows a grumpy banker, Cosmo Topper, and the ghosts which only he could see or hear, George and Marion Kerby.