06x01 - sh**t My sh*t

[bunniefuu]

♪ My chain, my watch, my wrist ♪

♪ My [...] house, my rise and grind ♪

♪ I'd give away all this [...] ♪

♪ Just to see my dawg
just one more time ♪

♪ Look up at the lights one time ♪

- ♪ Hit the stage, rock the mic one time ♪
- Oh, wow.

The sun is shining,
the birds are chirping,

and the gym bros are
walking around shirtless.

It's summer, baby!

School ended two weeks
ago, and what a year it was.

I became a frat star,

day traded through carpal tunnel,

partied naked...

- Oh!
- No, thank you.

And dated like I'm LL.

I was doing it and doing
it and doing it well.

But now I'm ready for beach days,

barbecues, and bikinis.

In between all of my summer
course load, of course.

But before any of that
sexiness can begin,

I've gotta do one more thing:

have a very unsexy lunch with my dad.

A toast... to you actually completing

two full semesters of college in a row.

Cheers, Junior.

Dad, it's Andre now.

Mmm. Yeah, okay.

I don't know why this
is so hard for you.

It's what you named me.

No, it's what your mama named you.

I wanted to go with Busta.

He was big at the time!

I'm sorry, why am I here?

Because whatever
you're calling yourself,

I'm proud of you, Junior.

You know, while you dragged
your feet into college,

what with leaving my alma
mater after ten minutes,

living in your car, moving in...

I... I'm sorry, did you...

did I hear you say "I'm
proud of you" in there?

- That you did. Because that I am.
- Hmm. Feels good.

What classes are you taking this summer?

Uh, you know, I just...

I haven't really picked a major yet

'cause I just feel like there's
so many things that I could do,

but I'm taking a bunch of
fun electives right now.

Meme Theory, Rhetoric
of Alien Abduction...

Still no major?

Yeah, I feel like I have plenty
of time to pick a major, right?

- I'm not worried.
- Maybe you should be.

Because if you're not
careful, you'll end up ,

single, and living off
Go-Gurts like Charlie.

So you need to stop treading water

and pick a major.

Gotta love dads...

just when you feel like
you've accomplished something,

they swoop in to let you
know you ain't done sh*t.

- You know what, Dad?
- Hmm?

You're right. It's no problem.

Just gonna pick a major.

That's what I love to see.

You know what else I love to see?

A sauce caddy. Mm-hmm.

It's like a flavor toolbox.

You know, we're not just eating.

We're working.

[QUIRKY MUSIC]

♪ ♪

BOTH: ♪ Watch out, world ♪

♪ I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ Learn something new every day ♪

♪ I don't know so I'ma feel my way ♪

♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪

♪ But no regrets ♪

♪ This is what I say ♪

BOTH: ♪ Watch out, world ♪

♪ I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ You can't tell me nothin' ♪

BOTH: ♪ My heartbeat is so loud ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ ♪

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

I hate to admit it, but my dad is right.

I have been having some trouble
figuring out my next step.

I went from being ahead of my friends

to now feeling like I'm behind them.

I need to declare my
major before next year.

There are just so many options to weigh

and so many factors to... factor.

I feel like my brain is stuck

and I just can't get
it into gear, you know?

Like, even with Annika.

Right now, we're stuck
in this weird gray area.

I don't know what to say or what to do

because I'm always
trying not to play myself.

[PHONE RINGING]

- Hey.
- Hey. What you up to?

Oh, uh, nothing, you know.
Just having lunch with my dad.

See you, Dad. No,
stop it. It's my treat.

All right, love you too.

Very proud of you, too, big guy.

Sorry about that. What you up to?

So I was thinking,

before I start sh**ting "Influencer
Island" in Chicago next week,

I'm gonna hit up this music
festival called Way Too Turnt.

Mm, Way Too Turnt.

Sounds sloppy as hell.

Better behave yourself.

But, uh, not for me.

Just for your, you know, own
personal health and safety.

Well, NLE Choppa is headlining,

and supposedly it has that
chaotic energy of early Coachella.

I'm meeting the girls there.

You should come through.
You know, if you want.

Come through? Uh...

Don't act thirsty. Don't go.

If I say no, will she think
I'm blowing her off again?

If I do go, will we get married?

- [HAWK SCREECHES]
- Ooh, a hawk!

I... I... I'm really busy,

but I'll think about it, so maybe.

Cool. Yeah.

I mean, it was just a
last-minute idea, so whatever.

Anyway, I have to run. Bye.

Bye.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

All right, boys.

Here is to Zeke.

- All right.
- All right.

We are gonna miss you at Cal U,

but we know that you're
gonna k*ll it at NorCal State.

If you hate attractive
people and the sun,

you're gonna love it up there.

- [LAUGHS]
- ALL: Cheers.

- There we go.
- There it is.

- To Zeke.
- [GROANS]

I'm excited, but I'm just stressing

over this whole Lauryn
situation, you know?

I told her I was transferring,

but she wants to do long distance,

- so it's just like...
- Mm.

I don't know.

Yeah, long distance is no
walk in the park, my friend.

You see, what happens is,
you're so far from each other

that you have access to
completely different parks.

Things were going great,

but now I got this new NIL deal,

be on a new team at a new school.

I just know that I'm gonna
be under a lot of pressure,

and I just don't know if I'll
have room for a relationship,

especially one that's long distance.

I just don't know what to do.

I think it's pretty obvious
what you need to do, bro.

[SIGHS] Yeah, you're right.

["INDIANA JONES" THEME PLAYING]

Oh, there's a new "Indiana Jones."

You're joking, right?
You didn't know about

"Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny"?

Ooh. Well, clearly you do.

Of course I know.

He's the greatest college
professor of all time.

Who else you know can earn a tenure

while staying undefeated against Nazis?

Yeah, that man is untouchable.

Meanwhile, I can't
even pick out my major

and decide whether or not
I should wash my jeans.

Wash 'em.

There's literally zero downside to that.

All right, you know
what? Better example.

Um, Annika invited me
to Way Too Turnt Fest.

I messed up, I overthought it, I froze,

and I told her I was busy.

She hung up on me, and now she's pissed.

Huh. Way Too Turnt Fest.

I mean, it looks lit to me.

I'll be busy as hell
managing Bar None all summer,

so I could use it as a last hurrah.

- Mm-hmm.
- Hell, I'll go.

Yeah, with Zoey moving in,
my life's about to be nothing

but "Real Housewives of Inglewood"

and losing all of my sink space.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

- Count me in.
- Yes.

If Lauryn's going,
maybe I could use this

to, you know, give her
one really great last day

before I break up with her.

It'll be like if your dog's about to die

and you give him
chocolate chip pancakes.

That's, like, a really grim
chicken or the egg scenario.

Wait, you guys just
heard about this festival,

and now you're all going?

- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.

- How do you do that?
- Think about it this way.

You know who would never doubt himself?

♪ ♪

It's time to dial in to
your destiny, my friend.

I guess I just gotta figure out a way

to let Annika know I'm coming.

You don't need to do
that right now, man.

Right now, you put the phone down,

you pick the beer up.

- We're getting turnt.
- Way Too Turnt.

- Way Too Turnt!
- Yeah!

♪ It's about time to cut up ♪

♪ Step out with my friends, yeah ♪

♪ It's been a long week,
it's time to get right ♪

♪ Real high, we gon' touch the sky ♪

♪ We just wanna smash all night ♪

♪ Get to the party
and then take a sh*t ♪

Take it back, take
it back, take it back.

I'm taking that from you. So sorry.

I was drinking that!

Guys, the festival already started.

The chugging portion of the day is over.

Kiela, what are you talking about?

We still have a whole tub left.

I'm talking about the schedule.

♪ Go, go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Got my heels and my lipstick on ♪

I've got our day planned
down to the minute.

Food, drink, and bathroom
breaks are built in.

Okay, but what if we, like, you know,

lived our lives unencumbered
by your particular lunacy?

Look, we're about to go spend our summer

doing all these serious
things we have to do,

so I just wanted to make
sure we maximize this day.

Stick to my plan and you
won't miss one iota of fun.

Sounds... fun.

So much fun...

[M. O. P.'S "ANTE UP
(ROBBIN HOODZ THEORY)"]

[UPBEAT HIP-HOP MUSIC]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Take minks off! ♪
- Uh!

- ♪ Take things off! ♪
- Uh!

- ♪ Take chains off! ♪
- Uh!

- ♪ Take rings off! ♪
- Uh!

♪ Bracelets is yapped, fame came off ♪

- ♪ Ante up! ♪
- ♪ Everything off! ♪

♪ Fool, what you want? ♪

♪ We stiflin' fools ♪

♪ Fool, what you want? ♪

♪ Your life or your jewels? ♪

- ♪ The rules ♪
- ♪ Back 'em down ♪

- ♪ Next thing ♪
- ♪ Pat 'em down ♪

♪ Respect mine, we Brooklyn bound ♪

- ♪ Now! ♪
- ♪ Now! ♪

All right.

Wow, they are indeed too turnt.

Me and Zeke are gonna go find the girls.

Catch up with you guys in a bit?

- Is that cool?
- All right, man.

- See you later.
- Yep.

All right, well,

ready to tear this thing up?

Yeah, I don't know where to start.

Right, right, we shouldn't rush into it.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

As much as I've been struggling

making choices lately,
I'm here at Way Too Turnt,

and I'm putting all of that behind me.

♪ Everything you do ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Everything you do ♪

♪ ♪

There she is.

When I was drafting my text,

I was struggling to
find the right words,

so I think I'ma just go with...

- surprise!
- Andre!

What are you doing here?

♪ ♪

Kwame?

You gotta be [BLEEP] kidding me.

- Andre, hey!
- Hey.

Kwame literally just rolled up

with a bunch of Cal U students.

So crazy, it's like...
it's like a reunion in here.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Yeah.

I didn't even know she
was gonna be here, bro.

We good?

What do you want to do, Andre?

Drop this fool!

No. It's a peace offering.

Does she still have feelings for him?

- [HEARTBEAT THUMPING]
- Be cool. Do not be weird.

- [HAWK SCREECHES]
- Ooh, another hawk!

Andre? Andre?

Uh, uh, yeah. Yeah, um, you know what?

Uh, I'm good. I'm good.
I'ma just grab a drink.

All right, I say we enjoy this
collection of small plates,

and then we finish off the
vino and head back to the pit.

Oh, that sounds fire.

We just have to polish
off this shrimp first.

- Mm-hmm.
- Mm!

There he is. Come take a seat.

- All right.
- Get your feast on.

Sup, man? Where's Zeke? You find Annika?

Uh, Zeke is looking for the girls.

I found Annika. She's back there.

With Kwame.

Her ex, Kwame?

I say we find this young
man and tune his ass up.

- Fight him.
- Yeah.

I don't know, I just...
she keeps calling me.

I... maybe I'm being crazy.

Maybe I'm making
something out of nothing.

Probably so.

We don't really got health insurance.

Listen, here's what I suggest.

You're at Way Too Turnt.

You go out there, you have a good time,

- and you forget about all that.
- Mm-hmm.

- You know what? You're right.
You're right. You're right.

- Let's get out there.
- Yeah!

Let's go, let's go! Come on, y'all!

I would, typically, but I just...

we have this wine, we haven't
finished it yet, and, um...

- Yeah, the wine wasn't cheap.
- Oh, whatever.

You know what? I'll talk to y'all later.

'Cause I ain't trying
to share this shrimp.

♪ We gon' keep on moving ♪

[UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

- Ah, excuse me, baby.
- Ooh, ooh.

This is for you.

Fresh chocolate chip
pancake snow ice cream?

Yeah. [CHUCKLES]

Okay, so we're here until :,

then Kacey Musgraves,
and then Brent Faiyaz.

Have you considered that
Lauryn is the only one

who wants to go to Kacey Musgraves?

No, I, um, also wanna
go to Kacey Musgraves

because I love... her. I love her.

Even though Savage
is on at the same time?

Yeah, babe, he's your favorite.

Yep. [CHUCKLES] That's right.

Yo.

We heard what happened.

- [PHONE TIMER CHIMING]
- Oh, that's the bell.

Okay, you guys know what that means.

Let's get out of here, losers.

Okay, Stressy and Depressy.

Tell me what is really going on.

I don't know.

Every time I have to make a decision,

I just freak out, and
I don't know what to do.

Okay, let me make it for you.

Get out of your head, Andre.
We are here to have fun!

Drink, bitch.

Come on. Slurp it up. Slurp it up.

♪ ♪

♪ A one-man army ♪

♪ Ready ♪

[INDISTINCT RAPPING]

♪ ♪

♪ b*mb-b*mb-bomba drop ♪

♪ ♪

Andre, you need to have water.

Water!

Andre, you need to have some water.

[GRUNTS]

[YELLING]

[VOICE DISTORTED] You passed
out because you were dehydrated.

[SPEAKING NORMALLY]
Buddy, did you hear me?

You passed out because
you were dehydrated.

These have electrolytes.
Which flavor do you want?

What flavor do I want?

[VOICE DISTORTING] Uh,
blueberry? Raspberry?

Blue raspberry?

What even is a blue raspberry?

Yo, my mans want the strawberry.

Damn, NLE Choppa?

What... I'm a huge fan.

I love your grill. This is so dope.

These my real teeth.
Thank you, though, man.

Wow, I wish I had that
kind of commitment.

I'm just overwhelmed by choices lately.

Yeah, at least you get
to make choices, you know?

I talked to the festival heads.

I'm trying to start my
set with this new song,

but they're saying I can't.

You know, they don't
think it'll go viral.

I just been hiding
out in here, you know?

I might not even go on, but, you know.

- What you hiding from?
- [SCOFFS] I wish I knew.

I just keep doubting myself,
I'm overthinking everything,

making everything complicated.

Sounds like to me you
got analysis paralysis.

It's when you analyzing sh*t so much,

you can't make a decision, you know?

That sounds like me.

What you need to do, man,

stop being afraid to make
the wrong choice, you know?

- Of course.
- Mm-hmm.

I've never played it safe before.

Mm-hmm.

When I was dropping out of school,

kissing Annika, taking a gap year?

I just need to keep
living life like that.

I don't know who Annika is, but bet.

- [BOTH LAUGH]
- It's all good.

- Appreciate you, man.
- Oh, for sure.

- [GRUNTS]
- Anything.

You know, by the way,

I really think you should go
out there and do that song.

You're the one that
people came here to see.

Do what only you can do.

Yo, that's deep, man.

[CHUCKLES] Wheels up, king. Thank you.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Thank you. All right.

[BOTH LAUGH]

♪ Can't you see it's just me and you ♪

sh*t, this is supposed
to be Brent Faiyaz.

Okay, we're at the wrong stage.
We have seconds. Come on.

Kiela, I'm sweaty and I'm exhausted.

I think I have shin splints.

Do you know how long I've
worked on this schedule?

- Let's go!
- No.

Enough is enough. I'm done.

Stop trying to schedule fun.

Fine. You know what?

Yeah, you stay here and
waste your last night of fun.

I'm gonna go have the time of my life.

- [LIQUID SPLASHES]
- [GROANS] Not again.

I missed Brandi Carlile
to get those beers.

- [GROANS]
- Oh, my God.

[LAUGHTER]

[LAUGHS]

Um, okay.

I can see how being too
high-strung can ruin the day.

Zaraa, what do you wanna do?

Can we just stay here?

Great. Yeah. Let's do it.

[SIGHS] Ty-ty.

I'm... I'm sorry.

You know, I just... I
think I've been, like,

really stressed about this campaign

I'm going on this summer,
so I just overcorrected.

I get it.

You have a lot of world saving to do,

so I really think you could
use some stillness this year.

I've been meaning to talk
to you about something.

It's about this whole
long-distance thing.

I'm not sure if I'm up for it.

I know.

The minute you skipped seeing Savage

to go to Kacey Musgraves,
I knew something was up.

Why didn't you say anything?

I guess I just wanted
to enjoy our final hours

since I knew the end was coming.

Look, I mean, I'd be lying

if I said my heart wasn't broken,

but I would never wanna hold you back.

I'm sorry, Lauryn.

You don't have to be.

[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Hey.

Oh, my God, Andre, there you are.

Look, before you say anything,
I didn't know Kwame was coming.

I didn't know you were coming.

He walked up, and then you walked up,

and it was like the
perfect storm of chaos,

and I feel like I did something wrong.

- I'm so sorry.
- No. No, no, no, no. Wait.

I just... I haven't been
feeling like myself lately.

I feel like every time I look up,

there's another decision
that needs to be made

about my life right
now and in the future,

and I've just been
glitching and so in my head,

and when I saw you, it's not
that I didn't believe you.

It's just that, you
know, it's your ex, right?

I mean, we haven't
really been defined yet,

and I just froze.

That sounds awful.

I had no idea you were
going through that.

I'm sorry.

Actually, I... I realized
that I need to stop worrying

about making the wrong
choice and just...

Go for what I want.

And what I want is to
be a thing with you.

Do you wanna be a thing with me?

I'd love to be a thing with you.

♪ ♪

- You know what, man?
- Mm-hmm?

I think we may be aging out of all this.

And I'm fine with it.

We're getting old, Aaron.

We're getting old, and...

there's nothing wrong with that.

You know, I'm actually looking forward

to Zoey moving in, us cooking dinner,

watching TV, being in bed by :.

That sounds sweet, you know.

Like, this whole thing made me feel like

I could parlay that
sophisticated vibe from today

into a more mature setting at Bar None.

Like artisan spirits, curated playlists.

- Yeah.
- You know, sexy.

- Selection of small plates.
- Mm. Hell yeah.

At the new Bar None, there
will be no big plates.

- Yo.
- Hey.

What's up, guys? How was your night?

Perfection. How was yours?

- Enlightening.
- Mm-hmm.

So what do you wanna do?

Should we go check out some more music?

- Mm-hmm.
- Yo, what's up, Way Too Turnt?

Cut the music, cut the music.

A new friend convinced
me to do something

a little different tonight for y'all.

Let's do it.

[UPBEAT HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]

You know what? Let's go see NLE Choppa.

[ALL CHEER]

♪ ♪

♪ Ain't gon' show no fear,
I know that I'm built ♪

♪ Too equipped for
what God want me to do ♪

♪ I'm number one, not the two ♪

♪ It ain't no way I'ma lose ♪

♪ The champions, champions ♪

♪ The champions, champions ♪

♪ Ay, we gon' ball, never fall ♪

♪ I put my head up ♪

♪ Told 'em, "Crown me" ♪

♪ My ring finger got a rock on it ♪

♪ Rock on it, rock on it ♪

Thanks to NLE Choppa and
one way too turnt night,

I got out of my head.

Hmm.

So Way Too Turnt didn't
turn out exactly as planned,

but I learned a lesson.

Always hydrate.

Most importantly, I got
the kick in the pants

that I needed to pick my major.

♪ ♪