01x24 - Magnificent Sonic

[bunniefuu]

[CLOCK TICKING] [ALARM]

♪ ♪ ♪

[snoring]

Sheriff!!

Wh-who are you?

What do you want?

I'm six-g*n Pete.

And I'm calling you, sheriff.

Yeow!.. Whoa!

Bushel of carrots a day... ain't enough to git sh*t for.

C'mon! Giddap!

Yei!!

Anyone want to put it on?

No?

Guess that makes me law in this town.

What're we stoppin' for, Sonic?

Check it out, scout!

Tranquil Gulch.

Now that's the kinda town I've been looking for.

It is?

Whoahhhhh!

After months of stopping Robotnik,

fighting for truth, justice and the hedgehog way,

it's time to kick back and reeee-lax.

C'mon, pardner.

What'l it be, boys?

Couple a chili dogs and a beer...

rootbeer, that is.

Double that!

I'm Miss Possum.

Welcome to my saloon, Mr uh.

Hedgehog.

But you can call me Sonic.

Better yet, you can call me "anytime."

Hey! Thought I told you this here town was mine.

All I need is one g*n to git you, hedgehog!

Oh, yeah?

Well, I bet I can outdraw you.

Ha!

You don't even have a g*n.

Don't need one.

Draw!

Way to go, Sonic.

You blew him away.

How did you do that?

It's easy when you're the fastest in the west.

Not to mention the east, north and south.

I'm Mayor Chestnut, son.

How'd you like to be the next sheriff of Tranquil Gulch?

Sheriff?

Me?

No thanks.

We're just passing through.

Come on, Tails.

Time to juice.

But Sonic, being sheriff would be way cool,

I could be your deputy.

Pow! Pow! Got 'em!

Sorry, it's impossible.

It'll just till we can find a permanent sheriff.

Not even for little ' Miss Possum?

Well.

Yay!

Mayor: I knew we could count on you. Sheriff Sonic.

Now that Tranquil Gulch is mine, it won't be long before

I transform it into GAMBLER'S GULCH!

The biggest casino on Mobius.

With % of the profits skimmed off the top for me!

It's Six-g*n Pete!

Oh!

What are you doing back here?

What's the matter, can't you talk?

In that case, draw!

Yahh!

Yowch!!

I meant draw with a pencil...

not the g*n, you nitwit!

Sonic! So, that rotten running rodent

is trying to spoil my plans, is he?

Scratch!

Grounder!

Go to Tranquil Gulch and see that that hedgehog gets a oneway

ticket to Boot Hill!

Don't worry, your awfulness, I'm the fastest in the west.

You are not! I'm the fastest!

Oh, yeah? Prove it! DRAW!

Yeow!

Aahh.

Yow!

ATTEN-TION!

PRESENT ARMS!

COMMENCE f*ring!

Sheriff Sonic is the fastest g*n in the west.

Aren't you, Sonic!

Set up some tin cans, Deputy Tails.

I'll show 'em some real gunplay.

Go on, Sheriff, blow 'em away!

Ahh!

Oof!

I think we made a big mistake.

That hedgehog couldn't hit the broad side of a barn.

Of course he can.

There's one now.

Show 'em, Sonic.

Boy! You really a bad sh*t.

Relax, Tails.

You don't need to sh**t straight when you're faster

than lightning.

Check this out!

Hey! I'm Dr. Robotnik's favorite, so I should be

wearing the hat and g*ns and you should be wearing the saddle.

Shut up, you old nag.

Giddap!

Ow!

All right, wise guy.

You want giddap, I'll give you giddap.

Whoa!

WHOOOAAA!

Ahhh!

Looks like we're gonna get some peace and quiet after all,

Tails.

I don't think so, Sonic.

Ahhhhhhhh! Huh?

Sheriff Sonic, I'm calling you out for a showdown.

Winner gets the town.

Loser gets a free burial.

Not so fast, slo-mo.

Why use messy ' g*ns when we can settle our differences the

clean way at the poker table?

Poker?

This is perfect.

with our computer brains we can't possibly lose at cards

to that meat-headed hedgehog.

Right.

You're on, sheriff.

Deal!

Did I happen to mention this is "strip" poker?

Whoever loses a hand has to strip something off themselves

and toss it in the pot.

Whatever you say. Now just deal!

Uh, I'll take five.

I'll take six.

I'm staying pat.

Well, what do you got?

I gotta "bent."

That's a straight with one missing in the middle.

Go fish!

Read 'em and weep; gentle jerks.

Five aces!

Okay, each of you has to strip something off and put it in on

the table.

Deal!

Well, what do you know?

I win again.

Deal!

I win.

Yow! What are you waiting for? DEAL!

Royal hedgehog!

I win again.

Oh, you and your big ideas, agreeing to play cards.

Me?

You were the one who said we couldn't lose

with our computer brains.

Oof!

Guess I'm the big winner, kids.

Cash these in for me, Tails.

You bet, Sonic.

Sonic, you saved our town again.

Aw, it was nothing, really, Miss Possum.

Oh don't be such a humble hedgehog.

You're an ace of hearts in my book.

So, Sonic is sweet on Miss Possum, is he?

That gives me an idea how to get rid of that show-off sheriff

once and for all.

Whoa!

Miss Possum!

Sheriff Sonic's waitin' in the stage for you.

Wants to take you to the lake for a picnic.

Why, that sweet little ball of fuzz.

Knows just how to melt a girl's heart.

Where's Sonic?

Don't worry.

He'll come for you, once he finds out you're trapped in a

runaway stagecoach.

Sheriff Sonic!

The stage is out of control and headed straight for Deep Canyon.

And Miss Possum's on it.

Miss Possum!

Watch the office, Tails. Gotta juice.

If I can't stop that runaway stagecoach

Miss Possum's a goner!

Sonic. Oh, you shouldn't have come for me.

Yeah. You fell right into our trap.

Yeah! Now Scratch and I will jump with parachutes,

leaving you two to crash into the bottom of the canyon.

Sonic: Hey, brainless robochumps...

What?

Uh, I think you forgot something.

Hunh?!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

What are we going to do, Sonic?

How about a nice boat ride?

Oh, Sonic, you're so romantic.

[sweet guitar music]

Get closer!

We'll sink the stage along with that no good hedgehog.

Huh?

You're finished, Sonic!

Oof!

Careful of that oar!

You're going to need it when you hit the rapids.

Rapids?!

Yikes.

Ow!

YOWWSH!

Nothing I like better than sh**ting the rapids

with a beautiful babe.

Hang on!

Oy! Ow! Wow! Whooa! Yeee!

Oh, sonic.

You're wonderful.

Oh, Scratch you're wonderful.

Shut up, you robo-bozo!

Wha?!

Ha! The joke's on Sonic, this time.

He's headed straight for the falls.

The waterfall.

We're headed right for it.

Hang tight!

Here we go!

Whoa!

Ha! He went over!

We did it!

Uh, Scratch!

Not now! You'll spoil my triumph.

But, Scratch!

We're heading for the falls, too.

OOOOOHHHH!!

Let me see.

When Scratch Grounder bring back Sonic,

should I roll him into a plzza.

Or blow him up like a balloon?

Western Onion. Telegram for Dr. Robotnik.

Of course, we mustn't forget the tip.

Thank you. NOW GET OUT OF HERE!

Probably from Scratch and Grounder,

telling me how they captured Sonic

and Tranquil Gulch is mine.

Grrrrr!

Why, that little, impudent, pip-squeak of a blue baboon!

If he wants a fight that's just what he'll get.

YOU!!

Argghh!

I'll get you, Sonic!

Ooff!

Run!

What's that?

It's Dr. Robotnik!

He's corne to break us out of jail.

All right, hedgehog.

I'll give you one last chance to give me what I want,

or I turn you into buzzard bait.

Oh, he means us.

Yeah! Let us.out or he'll turn you into buzzard bait.

Robotnik: You can rot in jail for all I care.

It's the town I want.

Sorry, Robotnerd.

As long as I'm sheriff, no despicable desperado like you is

gonna take over this town.

Maybe not.

But what about six despicable desperadoes like me?

Wired Earp.

Batch Cassidy.

Billy the Kit.

Chassis James.

and DOS Holliday.

And everyone of them is programmed to sh**t fast

and at you!

What'll we do, Sonic?

There's no way we can out-sh**t those guys.

Don't have to out-sh**t 'em, Tails.

Just have to out RUN 'em!

Get him!

All right, Earp!

Let's see how fast you really are.

Oof!

Not fast enough.

Don't sh**t, Batch!

I can't hit the broad side of a barn.

But I can hit YOU with the broad side of a barn.

We gotta get out of here.

But how?

A-Ha!

Simple!

This horse can pull the bars off.

Grab that rope!

Now tie it to the bars.

Right.

Okay! Ready when you are.

GIDDAP!

Any second now and these bars will be pulled clean off.

Whoah! You idiot! Not those bars!

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!

YIIIIIIIIEEEEE!

Ahhh!

It's a good thing you guys are great sh*ts.

'Cause I could never sh**t you both like that.

Tails: Sonic! Help!

No more of your fancy footwork, hedgehog.

This time you draw against me or your sidekick meets

the next train head-on.

What're you going to do, Sonic?

Guess I'll have to sh**t straight this time.

Ha!

You haven't got a chance against my infrared hedgehog- homing

photon six-sh**t.

You're probably right, Robotnik.

But I gotta do what I can do save my best bud, Tails.

Sonic, wait!

If you gotta get sh*t, at least you should wear some nice duds.

But - Whoahhh!

I'm Wait-ing!

Now where have I heard that line before?

Okay. I'm ready.

DRAW, HEDGEHOG!

YAAAAAAAAHHHH!!

Oooooff!

Uggghhh!!

I HATE THAT HEDGEHOG!!

Now that my job is done, I won't be needing these.

But who's gonnabe our sheriff?

Best person for the job.

-Miss Possum.

Why, Sonic, I don't know what to say.

Just say "yes" Miss Possum.

Come on, Tails.

Let's juice!

Who was that fast hedgehog?

Hiyo, Sonic AWAY!

Ha! Yamissed me!

Nice sh**t, Sonic!

Cartoon characters never really get hurt by g*ns.

But real people do!

So never play with areal g*n.

Even if you think it's not loaded.

I don't want any of my pals getting hurt by a deadly w*apon

that's not a toy.