02x01 - Primary Brothers

[bunniefuu]

Bad day at school, son, or are you just

mad at the kitchen?

Today was the first meeting

of the school Science Club.

Have you ever seen what happens

when you mix silver nitrate

and sodium chloride?

-No, I haven't.

-Neither have I!

There's no money for chemicals.

There's no money for anything.

You know, they shouldn't

call it the Science Club.

They should call it the

people-sitting-around-doing-nothing club.

Hey, Marcus, it's a club for you.

Wait a minute now.

Doesn't the school pay for all that stuff?

No. The clubs get their money from the

student council discretionary funds.

And that money is gone,

so guess who gets shortchanged?

The scientists.

Well, hey, I'm just glad they didn't

run out of money

before they bought the basketball team

these dope jackets.

The student council bought you that?

Mm-hmm.

But you guys are awful.

Yeah, but now we look awfully good.

It's not fair.

Well, if you don't like what

the student council's doing,

why don't you run for office

and change things?

That's a great idea!

Uh, maybe not.

T.J., I know Dad is just trying to help,

but it's been so long since he's actually

been in high school

that he forgets that

student council elections

are just a big, old popularity contest.

And T.J.'s popular.

Yes, he's the most popular

ten-year-old in high school.

And, sure, all the other ten-year-olds are

going to vote for him.

Oh, wait. There aren't any.

Your sister may have a point there, son,

in her own snotty rude-to-her-Father-

soon-to-be-rent-paying way.

You know, you don't want to set

yourself up for a fall, kid.

Dad, I think you underestimate

the students of Piedmont High.

I believe that if I run a campaign

of ideas, truth and change,

they will carry me into office

like a great tidal wave!

Hello.

Excuse me. T.J. Henderson for president.

Hello.

[whistle blows]

♪ Another slice of the life

Of Master T.J. Henderson ♪

♪ Super intelligent,

A fine young gentleman ♪

♪ A -year-old whiz kid

Bustin' high school ♪

♪A pugnacious little shorty

With a thousand IQ ♪

♪ He's got a way with the ladies

And he's keepin' it real ♪

♪ Your favorite little study buddy

He knows the deal ♪

♪ That he's still just a kid

On the ball, very clever ♪

♪ You can say that he's bright,

Brainy, gifted, whatever ♪

,♪ Your brother is smart ♪

♪ He's a smart guy ♪

♪ Smart guy ♪

♪ Smart guy ♪

♪ He's a smart guy ♪

Do you know how your

student council's money is being spent?

Do you care?

I've got ideas! I've got issues!

-You got snacks?

-No.

Brock Slaney has snacks.

Those Skittles?

Hey, T.J., how's the campaign going?

How's it going?

It's going exactly the way you said it

would go.

Down the toilet, out to sea,

where it's wrapped around the neck of an

adorable otter and choking him to death.

You never did take losing well.

I'm not losing.

I'm restrategizing.

Have you restrategized how to be two feet

taller and five years older?

Yes. All I need is someone like him,

a good-looking, popular guy

to front for me, somebody I can control,

somebody who will repeat everything I say.

I want you to run for president.



You want me to run for president?

-Why not?

-Why not?

Look, you're popular.

You've got the magic.

You could do a lot of positive things

for your school.

Sorry, T.J., but I have a guiding

principle which has served me very well.

I don't care and I don't get involved.

Hey, Marcus, um...

-I hope you win.

-You hope I win?

Henderson for President.

See, I'm on the student council

and I think having an athlete could

help us reach out

to a broader base of students.

I'm glad you're running.

Well, actually, he has a rule.

He doesn't get involved.

In Volvos! Yeah.

I don't get in Volvos.

They're just too boxy.

And speaking of cars,

when I get on council,

we ought to do something

about that student parking.

These cards are your position papers.

Each one lays out what you think

on important issues at school.

Yeah, yeah. Now, which outfit do you

think that Shannon would like better?

Now, see, I'm thinking the red one

with the blue jacket says power.

I'm thinking it says,

"Thanks for flying Delta."

Study the cards.

Hey, guys.

Uh, listen, T.J., about student council?

I just want you to know

if you want to run, that's fine.

If not, that's fine too.

Either decision's okay with me.

I dropped out.

Yes!

That's the one Daddy wanted to hear.

Marcus is going to run for me.

My Marcus?

People will listen to my issues

coming out of his mouth.

So you're just going

to use him as a front?

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Now give me some credit, Pop.

I mean, sure, at first I was skeptical,

but T.J. convinced me that

I can make a difference here.

And why should all the money go

to the athletes?

These science guys

deserve a piece of the pie.

They're part of the high school too.

At least that's how I figure it.

Wow.

Good choice.

Yeah.

Tyra or Naomi?

Can I have both?

Are you man enough for both?

Can I have a Power Bar first?

I'm sorry to interrupt

this meeting of the mindless,

but we have a campaign to run.

Oh, I know.

I was just setting up my cabinet.

See, I just made Mo my ambassador

to the girls' showers.

Yeah and you're the secretary of short.

Look, we've already got the Mo vote.

It's time to meet the other voters.

The science dorks?

Don't call them that.

It's mean and I'm their leader.

Now let's go.

Hey, guys, you know

my big brother, Marcus.

Hey, hey...

It's okay. I've changed.

I've seen the light.

And I'm not talking

about the halley-bopp comet either.

Hale-bopp. Halley's Comet is a completely

separate celestial body altogether.

Halley-bopp.

Ha ha! Don't pants me.

And why would I?

You see, I just learned

something from you.

That's why I think it is a crime what

they're doing to you guys,

but I'll tell you what.

If you elect me, I'll make sure

you get all the money that you need

for all those wires and chemicals

and sparky stuff that you like so much.

Cool. You want to sit down and have

lunch with us?

Uh, sorry, no time.

Tick-tock, tick-tock. Ha!

Alright. Jock table.

It's sports and supermodels.

Okay.

Hey, fellas new S.I. Swimsuit issue.

My locker after lunch.

Okay?

Alright, girls' table.

Don't come on too strong on that baby,

baby, baby stuff.

But that's my game.

Just be sensitive.

Let them know that you need them.

-Be Babyface.

-Oh, oh, oh. I can do that.

Can I sit here for a minute,

ladies, please?

Sure. What's wrong, boo?

Maybe I'm going crazy, but I just don't

feel like I'm being heard.

I mean, I know this is just a dumb little

high school election,

but it's my dumb high school, you know?

Am I wrong for caring so much?

Look, don't be discouraged, Marcus.

You can make a difference.

[Marcus] You really think so?

Well, we were just talking about

how great it would be

if the student council got a

new sound system for the gym.

Yeah. That way we could have some decent

dances for a change.

Done!

Unfortunately, funds are limited.

But if it's for you girls, I'll get it.

No, you won't.

Yes, I will.

Because I believe that if we can't provide

our high school students

with decent sound reproduction

to get their groove on,

then we have failed as a society!

Thank you, ladies.

Excuse me.

Come here!

Hey, man, don't be dragging me away

from no girls.

That money is going

to the Science Club guys.

Hey, you guys can have

the old sound system.

Take it apart.

Put it back together again. Hours of fun.

You know, if I could reach,

I'd poke you in the eye right now.

-Oh, yeah?

-Yeah!

-Come on and bring it--

-Hey, how's it going?

-Great!

-Great!

Look, when I give you a position,

you don't change it.

I can change anything I want.

I'm my own man.

No, you're my man.

The only reason you're in this election

is because I brought you in it.

And I'll boot you out of it.

You boot me out?

No, no, no. I boot you out.

Oh, yeah? Well, good luck

winning without a candidate.

Hey, you okay?

He turned on me.

My own brother.

Well, that's politics.

He doesn't have a chance

out there without me.

[all laughing]

He's actually pretty good at this.

He may be tough to b*at.

Oh, please. I could take

any big, old, waterhead goof off

and b*at the pants off Marcus.

Why would I want to run

for student council?

Because it's your chance to be a big sh*t.

I'm already a big sh*t.

Besides, I don't want

to run against Marcus.

Marcus is my boy. We on the same team.

Yeah, you're setting the pick

and he's taking the sh*ts.

That's right. What you mean?

I mean, Marcus always

gets to be the star, even in the band.

You play bass and he's the lead singer.

Maybe it's time for Mo

to step up to the mic.

Yeah. Here he is, ladies.

One syllable says it all--

Mo.

Oh, here come the room keys.

Okay. Alright. Slow down, baby.

What are you doing?

Catching room keys.

Ooh, the plaza.

Mo's just practicing for when he gets

his turn to sing lead with the band.

Uh, wait a minute. What's so funny?

No, no. I was just picturing you

up there on that stage

trying to do your sexy look.

I don't have a sexy look.

I know. That's why you play bass.

I don't see what's so funny

about me stepping out front.

Man, where are you getting

all these crazy ideas?

Mo's been thinking about running

for student council president.

Man, did one of those imaginary room keys

happen to hit you in the head?

Did you forget how to do this?

So you don't think I can win?

What? You want to run against me?

Maybe.

Oh.

Go ahead. Try.

Who am I to stop Mo?

Exactly.

You going to be sorry

you ran against Mo, baby.

I'll make a great president!

It is president, right?

Hey, hey! How's the Henderson brothers'

campaign going?

Building momentum?

Looking like a landslide?

No. T.J. kept telling me what to do,

so I dumped him from the campaign.

Oh, no, no, no, no!

You guys were working so well together

this morning.

When I left, you were a team.

There was peace in the house.

It was good.

You can't live in the past, Pop.

Well, what happened? I'm sure it's

something we can solve.

Maybe over pie.

Sorry, Pop, but T.J.'s already got

a new candidate.

I want you to memorize these cards

for the debate.

Mo?

I didn't say he got a good candidate.

Mo?

Hey.

You guys are running against

each other now?

Are you both okay with that?

Not a problem.

It's cool.

So Marcus tells me he threw you off

his campaign today.

Ha! I threw him off.

Well, that would be difficult.

This campaign was about one thing,

money for the Science Club

and he sold it down the river for a tight

skirt and some bubble gum lip gloss.

Well, did you try to find a middle ground?

Because in politics, as in life,

the most important thing for you to learn

is how to compromise.

I am compromising. I'm backing Mo.

Well, it just seems strange to me that

Marcus and Mo would be

at each other's throats over money for a

Science Club they're not even in.

It's got me stumped.

He actually called it halley-bopp?

Ha ha ha!

Well what do you expect from a guy

who thinks DNA is a rap group?

Ha ha ha!

We'd love to help you, Mo,

but Marcus promised us the money for our

Science Club, so we're voting as a block

or rather a hexagon, since there are

six of us.

Well, did you know that

Marcus promised all your money

to the girls for a new sound system?

Are you saying that he lied to us?

Now, now. We're not going to sink to the

level of name-calling,

no matter how pathological

his behavior is.

-Let's see Marcus spin that one.

-Hey, you know.

Hey, Geppetto, is your puppet

ready for the debate?

He's not a puppet. He's a real boy.

Well, he's going to be on TV.

-You're kidding.

-Nope.

My Video Production class is going

to broadcast the debate

to the whole school and I'm your

moderator, Yvette Henderson.

Wait a minute. I thought you said

this whole election was stupid.

Not if it gets me on TV.

Oh, alright! I was born for TV.

See? I get my feed question

from this camera.

Then I turn and answer on this camera.

Now back to you, Bryant.

Can I holler at you for a second, man?

What's up?

Listen, I was thinking.

Maybe I shouldn't have said what I said.

You know, making fun of you

about running for president.

-Really?

-Oh, come on!

That's the oldest

trick in the book.

Make nice to your opponent

to take the fight out of him.

That's not why I'm doing this.

Yeah. Like you're not afraid of him.

I'm not afraid of him. Why not?

-Because he thinks you're a loser.

-You think I'm a loser?

I didn't say all that now.

-He implied it.

-You implied it.

Marcus, I can't believe

you're calling me names.

Excuse me, Mo.

When you called Marcus a liar,

do you have documented proof of that?

You called me a liar?

[whispering] Only indirectly.

Only indirectly.

Well, think what you want.

At least I'm not playing the dummy

for some pint-sized ventriloquist.

Okay. We'll see who the dummy

is at the debate.

Oh! I'll see you then.

It' going to be the last time you see me.

Good afternoon

and welcome to decision, fall semester.

I'm your host, Tasha Yvette Henderson.

We hope you find this debate

stimulating and informative,

because we believe that student government

offers valuable insight into democratic

institutions.

Let's meet our candidates, shall we?

First is incumbent president,

Brock Slaney.

Next, we have varsity basketball captain,

Marcus Henderson, no relation.

And finally, Morris L. Tibbs,

"member of the Piedmont basketball team,

"Spanish Club, Drama Society,

Chess Club, Model United Nations Club,

and jazz ballet ensemble."

Since when is he in all those clubs?

Since lunch.

And I can prove it.

From topics submitted by the Piedmont

student body, we've selected questions.

-Aw! Ohh!

-Aw!

For each question, each candidate will

give a two minute response.

Then they'll have the opportunity for

a two minute rebuttal,

followed by a one minute reply.

To determine which of our challengers

answers first, we'll flip a coin.

-I'll call it.

-Now, why can't I call it?

Because you'll cheat.

And you'll lie.

Did you just do this to me, Brah?

Maybe.

You know something? You a big, old

waterhead. What you want to do, huh?

What you want to do, man?

I'll bite you like Tyson.

Mo, this is not presidential!

You're blowing our chances!

You got no--

-Aah!

-Aah!

Watch it! Little kid! Little kid!

Whoa!

Leave me alone!

Get off my brother! Get off me.

Yeah, Mrs. Tibbs?

It's T.J. Is Morris there?

Oh. Can you tell him I wanted to go play

laser tag tomorrow?

My treat.

Yeah, T.J.

It's spelled like it sounds.

Thanks.

You just got in a big fight at school.

You're not going to play laser tag,

unless you can play it

in your room without lasers.

But this is all part of my plan

to get Marcus and Mo talking again.

Didn't your last plan get you a black eye?

From now on, all plans go through Dad.

Okay, but here's how I figure it.

Mo will go to the mall to play laser tag.

Meanwhile, I'll tell Marcus

that Shannon called

and she wants to meet him

at Wet & Wild to pick out swimsuits.

Okay.

Here's the beauty part.

In order to get in Wet & Wild,

you have to pass right by laser tag

where Mo will turn and say, "Marcus!"

And then Marcus will turn and say,

"Yo, what's up, Mo?"

And before you know it,

everything will be back to normal.

Haven't you learned anything this week?

You're trying to manipulate people again.

Yeah, but it's for a good cause.

It always starts out for

a good cause, T.J.

Now all you wanted to do is get money

for the Science Club.

Did you get the money?

No.

And did you ruin a friendship?

Yeah.

Then now is not the time

to be clever, son.

Now's the time to be honest.

Come here.

Now, you need to go downstairs

and go and tell Marcus and then tell Mo

that the reason that they're at

each other's throats

is because you manipulated them

and used them.

But I already have one black eye.

But at least this time,

they'll be mad at the right guy.

I may need this one too.

[knocking on door]

Hey.

What's up?

I'm just returning your Milli Vanilli CD.

Man, you borrowed this

in the fourth grade.

Yeah.

So, what you watching?

I don't know. Something about some girl.

Oh.

Want to check it out?

I guess so.

-Is that the girl?

-Yep.

Oh, that's what's-her-face.

Yeah, she was in that thing that we saw.

Oh, listen, I'm glad

you guys are both here!

There's something I have to tell you.

This is all my fault and I was thinking

about me and what I wanted to do,

so I did whatever I could to turn you guys

against each other to get it.

So if you want to pound on me, that's okay

as long as you guys will be friends again.

You want to pound on him?

Yeah.

But let's give him a head start first.

-Go.

-Go.

Okay.

Tyra, Naomi or what's-her-face?

-All three.

-You the man.

[T.J.] Hey, Dad.

What're you doing up there?

[T.J.] Shh! they're looking for me.

Who is?

[T.J.] Marcus and Mo.

They're going to give me a b*at down.

-They went to a movie.

-[T.J.] When?

Two hours ago. Now come down from there.

[T.J.] You're in on it.

They're right there.

I know they're right there.

-Goodnight, son.

-[T.J.] Dad?

Can you bring me a sandwich

and some bug spray?

Dad?

[clapper]

I'm never working for this guy, again.