02x03 - Below the Rim

[bunniefuu]

Here you go.

Thanks, Dad. Now, will you please leave?

None of the other guys have their Dads

helping them. It's kind of embarrassing.

Boy, you are in a penguin suit.

Alright everybody, gather round.

Come on, let's go.

Now we are going up against

the Buchanan Sharks tonight.

I think we got a good chance

of coming out of here with a win.

So remember, a winning attitude starts

the minute you hit that court.

-Is everybody focused?

-[all] Yeah!

Alright! Penguin Pete, lead us out there.

Let's kick some shark butt.

Go, Penguins!

I knew I should have given

this job to the fat kid.

Guys? Guys? A little help here, people!

[whistle blows]

♪ Another slice of the life

Of Master T.J. Henderson ♪

♪ Super intelligent,

A fine young gentleman ♪

♪ A -year-old whiz kid

Bustin' high school ♪

♪A pugnacious little shorty

With a thousand IQ ♪

♪ He's got a way with the ladies

And he's keepin' it real ♪

♪ Your favorite little study buddy

He knows the deal ♪

♪ That he's still just a kid

On the ball, very clever ♪

♪ You can say that he's bright

Brainy, gifted, whatever ♪

♪ Your brother is smart ♪

♪ He's a smart guy ♪

♪ Smart guy ♪

♪ Smart guy ♪

♪ He's a smart guy ♪

[crowd] Oh!

That's alright. That's okay.

We're gonna b*at 'em anyway.

Whoo! Whoo!

Those poor, sad girls.

Waving shredded paper, crying out,

"Look at me! Look at me!"

So I take it you're not regretting

your decision to quit cheerleading.

Not at all, Dad.

I mean, you think you're

being appreciated,

but the truth is you're just being ogled

by a bunch of boys

waiting for your skirt to fly up.

Which boys?

The whole experience is demeaning.

Whoo!

Go Penguins! Go Penguins! Go Penguins!

Energy, people!

Reflex.

Oh, come on, ladies!

A little hustle, huh? A little hustle!

You know, coach, those guys

are kind of big and slow.

If we run a zone at them, we can get some

steals and score on some fast breaks.

Son, I've had prostate trouble

longer than you've been alive.

You do your job and I'll do mine.

Gotcha! Go Penguins.

Alright! Alright! Let's go.

Hustle up, fellas!

That's okay, guys.

We'll get 'em in the second half.

Hey, Marcus, you still want to go

to that party after the game?

Ha! No doubt.

I got to have some fun tonight.

You driving?

-I got shotgun, man.

-I got armrest in back.

Oh, no, no.

See, this party

is for the ballplayers, not birds.

Yeah. So after the game,

you fly south, man.

Shows you what you know.

The penguin is a flightless bird.

So walk.

Alright, this isn't the end of the world.

It's not like we haven't been down before.

We've been down a lot before.

In fact, we've been down most

of my career,

which is no reason to hang

your head and give up...

to act like a loser even if losing

has become a way of life.

Because if I've learned

anything in my years,

it is that you lose more than you win.

You lose basketball games,

you lose your hair.

You lose your one sh*t

at a college coaching job

because maybe you had a little nip

before the interview

just to calm your nerves.

-Where's he going with this?

-Don't worry. He's building.

But no matter how much you lose,

you tell yourself you have always

got your family...

until one day, at halftime of another game

you don't have a prayer of winning,

you get a note from your wife

telling you not to bother to come home...

that she has shipped off

your clothes to a Days Inn in Bethesda.

Okay, now I'm lost.

But finally, you decide

you're not gonna lose anymore

because you're not gonna play.

You're just going to go

and get in your El Camino

and drive until you get to a place

where they never even heard of basketball!

Do you think he's coming back?

[car speeds away]

Unh-uh. I don't think he's comin' back.

-Hey, , where's your coach?

-Bethesda.

Is your principal around?

What's the matter?

Coach Gerber blew a head gasket and quit.

Oh, well, I saw that coming.

Alright I'm afraid, no coach,

I'm going to have to declare a forfeit.

No, no, no, please.

You can't do that now. Come on.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

But Section Three of the District

of Columbia Athletic rules

supplement explicitly states

that if the coach

of one team becomes incapacitated,

the team may select a temporary

coach to finish the game.

Oh, yeah, right, uh, but I believe

your principal has to approve that.

Oh, hey, as long as I don't have

to fill out any forms,

I'm all for it.

Alright, Piedmont, you have

one minute to pick a coach.

[blows]

Way to go, brainiac.

Let's do this quickly

before he figures out that I made it up.

-You made up that rule?

-I made up the whole book.

Well, anyway, we have one

minute to pick a new coach

and I think we all know who

that should be.

Well, if you insist.

Man, I'm talking about me! Why you?

-Because coach made me captain.

-Well, coach is nuts.

I could do it. My Mom says

people admire me.

-I don't admire you.

-Guys, guys, shut up!

Look, just get out there

and run the Green Dakota offense.

Now, who made you coach?

No, no, no, that's

a good call, okay? Green Dakota.

Yeah, you think it's a good call

'cause you Dakota.

Mo, we need Marcus

to start taking some threes.

Then when they start double-teaming him,

that clears the middle for Blue Montana.

Blue Montana-- oh, that's me.

Alright, there, penguin boy,

you the coach.

Let's do this. Come on!

Yeah!

Remember, Green Dakota!

Is T.J. coaching the team?

No. He's just repeating

whatever the coach told him to do.

-Where's the coach?

-[whistle blows]

On "D" red five!

[whistle blows]

[whistle blows]

Come on, guys, let's run Blue Hawaii!

[buzzer]

I hate to stop your little party,

but you guys lost.

Yeah, brother, but only by three points.

Boogie!

Whoo!

Great coaching, little man.

Yeah, man, what a comeback!

From down by to only three.

Man, if you were coaching

from the beginning,

we would have won by...

carry the two, minus the five. [murmuring]

Don't hurt yourself, Mo.

Hey, it looks now like the coach has

earned himself

an ice cream on the way home.

Are you kidding? No, no, no.

This little man is kicking it with the

players tonight. Really? You guys?

-Hey, man, you can ride shotgun.

-Alright!

Wait, wait. I called shotgun.

Man, I called shotgun.

Hey, Dad!

Well, it's about time.

I was starting to worry about you guys.

Yeah, we closed down that Dairy Queen.

Well, I'm wiped. Wake me for lunch.

Good night. Good game.

Hey, look, man,

I ain't gonna tell you no more, okay?

Stop doing that.

Uh, excuse me.

But isn't your bed upstairs, too?

I can't sleep.

I'm still riding that near-win high

and those chocolate-dipped

ice cream cones.

Look.

-So it was a good party?

-I was the man.

They said I was the best coach they ever

had and I should coach

the rest of the season.

Well, I can see how you can get

kind of cocky when you only lose by three.

Hey, look, I'm happy for you

and I want you to enjoy it.

Just don't get your hopes up, okay?

-I won't.

-Alright.

Time for bed, buddy. Let's do it.

[groans]

Red Auerbach, Pat Riley,

Phil Jackson, T.J. "The Man" Henderson.

Thank you.

[yawns]

Good day, gentlemen.

I want to congratulate all of you

on your least humiliating defeat

in the past three seasons.

And I'm happy to say that

we have found our new coach, Mr. Lebeau!

Damn!

Mr. Lebeau? But he's a French teacher.

[ speaking French ] Allo.

Oh, it reeks in here.

This must be a joke.

You have to have a faculty adviser, okay?

And Mr. Lebeau has a very,

very impressive sporting background.

He's a bicyclist.

A few years ago,

I rode the Tour de France.

It's a-- it's a really big bicycle race...

in France.

Let's get this over with.

Alright, this is a technique

from my bicycling days.

Morris, you are the big man.

So as we run down the court,

you are in the front cutting

through the wind resistance.

The other four are tucked in close behind.

Tuck, tuck. Tuck, tuck.

And they are pulled along in your draft.

Now run.

[speaking French] Vite! Vite!

[speaking French] Sacré bleu.

What a waste of my time.

You know, Mr. Lebeau,

you probably have other things to do.

But why don't you let me help you

out a little with the coaching?

-In what way?

-Just there to back you up,

you know, whisper plays in your ear.

You'll hardly know I'm there.

That was traveling, ref! Come on!

He looked like he was

running to catch a bus!

Back door! Marcus, back door! Time out!

[whistle blows]

Marcus, get over here!

What's up?

Marcus, when I say "back door,"

don't look at me,

look at the guy you're guarding.

He's the one blowing by scoring

all the easy lay-ups.

Man, lighten up. We're actually winning.

And I want to keep it that way.

Grab some pine. Rosswell, you're in.

Boy, I'm gonn--

Come on, guys! Let's see

some intensity out there!

So you actually believed him when he said

he was just gonna help with the coaching?

Oh, be quiet, honey. Daddy has a headache.

Great game, T.J. Big win.

T.J., how about a couple of

quick questions

for the school paper?

Always happy to talk to the press.

Okay, in a game and a half,

you've managed to turn this team around.

How does it feel to be one and one?

Technically that loss was Coach Gerber's.

Check your facts, babe.

Just look at him. Look at him

taking credit for our win.

And after making a bonehead move

like benching me in the fourth quarter.

Me!

Now he walking and talking

like he some kind of coaching wizard.

Doesn't that just burn you up?

Um... no.

I didn't take notes in History

'cause I didn't want

to sprain my sh**ting wrist.

You could always borrow my notes,

if it'll help the team.

All I'm saying is we're the players.

We're the ones crashing the boards.

And we're the ones getting all the honey,

so get over it.

I'm thinking maybe we can look

over your notes at a movie tonight.

I know Tina would love

to study with Marcus.

Could he come too?

Oh, I'm over it. Let's go. Yeah. Yeah.

-Come on!

-[T.J.] You guys hold up.

-Hey, what's up, coach?

-Here's the new plays.

Review them at lunch

and we'll go over them

this afternoon at practice.

Then we'll have a nice light

salad for dinner

and go over game tapes

and at : , it's jammies

on and lights out.

You know what? There is

so much wrong with what you just said.

I don't know where to start.

Listen, T.J., Marcus and me

may have to miss your little

slumber party, okay?

'Cause we're going to have

a little jammy jam of our own going on.

Oh! okay. If this schedule is too tough,

we don't have to practice at all.

Then we'll start losing again.

See if the girls want

to "jammy jam" with you then.

Now what you doing arguing

with the coach for, huh?

Hey, listen, man.

Look, we're winners now.

And I don't know about you guys,

but I'm gonna do whatever it takes

to keep winning.

[girl] T.J.!

[blows]

[blows]

[blows]

[blows]

[blows]

[blows]

Coach, you are k*lling us.

Our conditioning is terrible.

Last game we got outscored

to in the fourth quarter.

But we won.

And winning is good.

I mean, correct me if I'm wrong.

But winning is why we're here. Right?

Actually, I'm here for the sportsmanship

and the good-natured sense of camaraderie.

Go home, son.

Any other sportsmen here?

No.

T.J., what's the basketball team

doing here at : in the morning?

Squat thrusts. Go!

Don't you think you're pushing

them a little hard, son?

Dad, it's not me, it's them.

They want to be champions

no matter what it takes.

See, the thing is about being a coach,

is sometimes you got to know

where to draw the line.

Gotcha, Dad.

[blows whistle]

Okay, guys, forget that eight mile run,

huh?

Make it seven.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

I was thinking more like

an orange juice break.

In the kitchen, fellas.

You better get out the way, man.

Daddy!

[knock on door]

-It's always open.

-Can I talk to you for a second, coach?

Sure.

I have a problem.

Is it girl trouble, son?

No, nothing like that.

Good.

Have a seat.

I flunked my Geometry exam.

Oh, Mo.

You know you can't play

unless you pass that class.

I know. So I was thinking,

if you could study with me

a couple hours every night,

it could bring the grade up.

I guess I could. It's just that I got game

tapes to look at, new plays to diagram.

And there's this kid in junior

high I wanted to check out.

Hmm. But what are we gonna do?

'Cause the game is Friday.

Let me talk to Mrs. Lang.

I'm sure we can work things out.

Are you trying to pressure me

to give Morris a better grade?

Not much better.

I'm simply concerned about the self esteem

of an earnest, hardworking, young man.

Then Morris shouldn't sleep in class.

Great. Then we have a deal.

Morris stays awake, you give him a "C."

Come on, ladies, let's hustle!

Yay. Whoo. Go team.

Boy, they're a little out of sync, huh?

Out of sync?

They're weak.

They put the big girl in front,

they blew the pyramid

and Miss Thing's legs aren't shaved.

So I take it you're not talking

about the basketball team.

Dad, somebody's got to do something.

I thought cheerleading was demeaning.

It is when you're doing it properly.

Come on, ref! He got butchered!

[buzzer]

Oh, man!

Tommy, can I talk to you for a second?

That's the third call you've blown.

You're k*lling us.

It's halftime. Shouldn't you be

in the locker room?

Shouldn't you be doing your job?

Look, when I see 'em, I'll call 'em.

Yeah? Well, when are you going

to start seeing 'em?

You know, I never spanked a coach before.

But one more word out of you

and your behind is mine.

The coach seems kind of intense.

Yeah, well, he gets caught up

in the emotion

'cause he wants to win the game.

But I think he knows there's a line

that he can't cross.

He bribed a teacher.

That'd be crossing the line.

I just spoke to Mrs. Lang.

He leaned on her to pass a failing student

so he could stay on the team.

Boy, he did that for Mo?

I mean, I'm just assuming that it's Mo.

Would you excuse me, please?

That was pathetic!

What does it take to wake you guys up?

Do I have to throw something?

Give me that!

Number is k*lling us.

How many does he have?

[speaking French] Quatorze.

[speaking French] Quatorze! You hear that?

[speaking French] Quatorze!

Marcus, I want you to take him out.

I hope you mean, like, to dinner

and a movie.

I mean out of the game.

You mean you want me to hurt him?

Man, I can't hurt him.

That dude's been left back three times.

He has a beard. He'll hurt me.

Am I the only one in this room

who wants to win?

No.

You're just the only one

that wants to win that badly.

Dad, this is for team members only.

You're not on the team anymore.

I'm pulling you out of the game.

What? You can't do that. I'm the coach.

Oh, but it just so happens that in Section

Three of the District

of Columbia Athletic Supplement,

it states that the Father of a

power-mad, -year-old coach

can remove said coach

and ground him at his discretion.

[sing song] Coach is in trouble.

Coach is in trouble.

Mr. Lebeau, you're on your own.

Alright, boys, Peloton formation,

huh? Morris in front.

Run. [in French] Vite! Vite!

I can't believe you

would embarrass me like that.

Oh and I can't believe

what you would do to win.

I mean, you run your team ragged,

you tell your brother to push

a button on a guy

and you lean on a teacher for a grade?

She was gonna flunk Mo.

So help him study. Don't help him skate.

That's what the T.J.

I used to know, would have done.

I mean, when did winning

get to be so important?

It's important to everybody.

This school is finally a winner

and everybody likes a winner.

You think that's the only reason

they like you, T.J.?

You don't get invited to many parties

because you can calculate Pi

to ten decimal places.

Look, T.J., high school

is not a popularity contest.

What school did you go to?

Okay, you're right. It is.

But the trick is to be liked

for who you are,

not for what you can do for them.

But I like being the hero.

The first time you lose,

you'll be the goat.

Actually, I'll be the penguin again.

T.J., being a coach takes more than

running drills and making up plays.

You've got to motivate people.

You've got to inspire them to be better.

Kind of like what you're doing right now?

Yeah. Only I don't get the free shoes.

So I'm not the coach anymore?

Maybe when you're a little older.

You know, when you can handle

the pressures of coaching

and still conduct yourself

with dignity and grace.

Oh, you mean like Bobby Knight,

the chair-throwing coach of Indiana?

I'm gonna talk to him too.

And Mike Ditka?

I'll get his number from Bobby.

And what about Lou Piniella?

Well, see now, actually, he's mellowed.

I would like to thank T.J.

for helping out during my absence,

Principal Maldonado for giving

me another sh*t at coaching

and the Teachers' Union for making

it virtually impossible to fire me

without ironclad evidence

that I did commit a felony.

I have come back here

with a new sense of commitment.

Because people do come back...

like my wife.

Because you see, fellas,

a -year-old woman,

with a backside the size of Delaware,

doesn't exactly have the fellas lining up

at TGI Friday's.

[narrator]

I'm never working for this guy again.